wellbeing

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight

~ Fridgesays ~ 23 Comments

Quote by Phyllis Diller

It’s late at night and I’ve been exhausted all week, you think I’d be snuggled up in bed, but I feel the need to vomit words all over this screen – so here I am typing, no plan and no agenda, just a over tired woman and the need for some typing therapy. Ahhhh I’m already smiling.

Lets talk about the humble smile…a simple smile is the easiest and cheapest way to live longer, give your health an over all make over (it reducing your chance of heart disease, lowers your blood pressure and reduces stress). New research even suggests that it increases your chances of success and it makes you more attractive to a potential partner or new born baby; seriously babies love a cheesy grin.

So with these facts in mind why don’t we smile more, do smile-aerobics, smile indulge diets (like a diet but increasing not decreasing – yup I made the phrase up), why don’t we take time to laugh, like we make time to do chores or attend important meetings?(*any meeting that claims to be important are always extra dull and guarantee to be pointless). Honestly, I’m not really sure of the answer, but its something that I think adults should do more.

I’m lucky that I never lost the ability from my childhood to belly laugh – I’m talking full tears, can’t breath, abdominal workout, could possibly die, hard core LAUGH. I do this most weeks and several days of those weeks. Maybe whilst reading this you’re pondering on when you last ‘lost it’ in the giggle department? Mine was yesterday when one of my GCSE pupils used Hannah Montana as an answer in her MOCK exam, or two days before that when one of my yr 7 pupils was in a drama lesson being a shark (obviously) and her jaw ached so badly in rehearsals that when she drank from her water bottle her mouth muscles spasmed sending the water the wrong way and out popped the water via her nose…yup, kids are funny. My son comes out with killer phrases of both joy and oddness most days, his five years old, so humour and naivety are his friends.

I’m not sure I can teach you how to belly laugh? I think it comes from living in the moment and not being afraid to control situations. I think its helped by watching youtube clips of cats falling, babies giggling and humans failing. wikihow has a link to ’11 steps to laugh more’ (with pictures) which I haven’t linked because I think its rather sad. I think we all have belly laughs waiting to explode within us and would totally encourage you to release them.

Mr F, as regular readers will know is a grumpy human, his face falls in a nature frown and very few things make him chuckle or smile even slightly. He mainly smiles when I’m rolling on the floor laughing at something and I’m in pain from it. Seriously, pain makes him smile – mainly at my expense. That’s the absolute joy of smiles, they come in all shapes and sizes and what makes an individual smile is unique to them.

TASK:

Write down three things that make you laugh / smile. My ‘try not to think before you type’ ideas go something like this:

  1. watching stand up comedians
  2. people watching
  3. horrendous ‘Dad jokes’ (Need to build an ark – I Noah a guy)

Now you have your list make time to do these every week, then daily and I promise you’ll be healthier and see many advantages, then add to the list of things that make you smile, there will be so many more than just three. I’m also partial to an old school cartoon like Tom and Jerry or Henry’s Cat. Laughing is contagious, so if you smile it also boosts those around you.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’ve had a seriously heavy week of being an adult, stress levels were high, responsibility lists were long and juggling home, work and life was a challenge – time to pop of some cartoons on I think?

Please comment below with either the things that make you laugh or your favourite Dad joke (the lamer the better) and when I’m feeling overwhelmed i’ll pop back for a smile through the comment section 🙂

Fight for the fairy tale, it does exist.

~ Fridgesays ~ 31 Comments

Quote by joy.F

I truly believe that we are all writing our own stories, chapter by chapter life is a series of new beginnings, challenges and climaxes…and of course the odd dark spell and baddy comes along and tries to jeopardise the heroine/ hero from achieving their purpose. I have chosen to live a life of happy ever after, but even with my most positive intentions, I often get thrown off course and have to realign myself.

Many people don’t come close to their purpose, to living aligned or anywhere near the fairy tale they desire. I think I know why, as yesterday I had an epiphany in the supermarket.

I was helping out with our school production and there was a large gap of time between the end of my working day and the show starting, so I decided to take myself to a local supermarket and purchase something for my dinner. It was a sunny and rare hot day in the UK and I really wanted a salad but also to indulge myself. Leaves don’t really cut it?

Solace in a supermarket can actually be rather therapeutic. So I wondered around the isles and placed a few of my favourite things in my basket. I looked down and found that my basket was unreservedly a middle class snobby delight. Who had I become? The content included:

  • Tyrell’s sea salt and black pepper crisps
  • a rainbow themed salad bowl (it was so pretty)
  • Sushi
  • Equinox Kombucha (some sort of fermented goodness in a glass bottle)

I giggled with shame…I went back to my office and enjoyed every bite. I felt good, knew what i’d chosen was the best – felt indulged and also rather healthy (if we excuse the crisps) but still I felt embarrassed. Until I saw this quote this morning. It was then that I realised that in that moment I had eaten and drunk exactly what I desired. As far as I’m aware Cinderella didn’t run off with the sleazy bloke at the bar (although we never really learn much about the prince in that particular story?), Snow white doesn’t marry the first forrest animal to come along and Pocahontas doesn’t hook up with the village idiot. So why shouldn’t my basket be full of what I want? Just like my life.

I’m buying it, I’m writing my own fairy tale… more importantly why am I judging my own basket? Forget social pressure and media corruption – perhaps (yup this is my epiphany) we don’t feel we are worth the fairy tale. Our own judgements block us from how we want to look, feel and in my case – the basket of food I purchase.

So listen up fellow fairy tale lovers, you ARE creating your own story. Sure, it’s likely to never have a Disney logo but just like my shopping basket it can be the best or at least what you want it to be. Don’t judge yourself – you’re totally worth it. Have your own back. If Mr Right hasn’t shown up, if Mrs Right now is lacking in basket delights…shop around. That’s why we have so many shops!

Be the fairy tale, but not Cinderella’s – be your own damsel and rescue yourself. Oh and never settle – fight for your happily ever after and never worry if anyone else agrees with it, they’re busy writing their own fairy tale…or haven’t had the wisdom to read this blog and have sad judgmental baskets of shopping.

I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned

~ Fridgesays ~ 18 Comments

Quote Anon

I was looking at the Mr today and thought ‘he’s a keeper’ and realised that this quote truly summed up how I felt. So this post is all about gratitude for the relationships I already have. I often think about what I want for the future and always slide into the trap of reflecting on what I lack, but Js Daddy and my Mr F is a non negotiable.

My son is equally amazing but also (only I and the Mr can say this – anyone else who dared would feel my wrath) and absolute w*nk*r. Seriously, he is five years old and can go from a cute an angelic over achiever to a whinging douche bag faster than the speed of light. I really love him though, less so at dinner when he takes 5 hours to eat his meal due to procrastinating and sharing every fact he has ever learnt to anyone that will listen. I did worry when I was pregnant with him that I might not like him. Luckily Mother Nature throws more than enough love between a mother and child moments after birth that lasts you a life time.

Both my boys have helped me to flourish, dared me to dream and supported me when I’ve taken on new adventures. The Mr is a great sounding board and is one of those really annoying humans that is always right, which in the moment is infuriating but with age I’ve learnt to listen to him more and he is a wonderful team member, he also has other skills like taking the bins out and fixing stuff that is beyond my realms of interest.

I remember the early days of dating Mr F and from day one I have never thought I would have a tomorrow without him, he is a constant – how did that happen? The children, the house, the pets and the adult discussions about which wallpaper to pick and the exciting text’s we send each other, the last three from him read…

“We’ve gone to Judo”

“buy bread”

“and milk”

I mean, if thats not romance what is? The other night we were in bed and I said something about how we had basically had a ten year sleepover, whilst reading his book he muttered “the snacks are naff” and we both burst out laughing. We laugh a lot, usually at my expense, or at dogs on YouTube, or at our little dude making sense of the world around him. I never take it for granted though.

Anyway, rather than read my rambling thoughts on the boys in my life, perhaps take some time this week to think about who you are blessed to have in your universe. Not in a Hallmark cards way (those quotes never inspire me), or in a list of what they do for you way, instead I urge you to think about how they make you feel because stirring those emotions is the essence of tomorrows relationships and having a tribe that works for you, that completes your puzzle or that helps you to come construct a better puzzle for the future is worth its weight in Halloumi (I prefer Halloumi to Gold).

Love hard and stay true to yourself.

Happiness is only real when shared

~ Fridgesays ~ 16 Comments

Quote from ‘into the wild’

Happiness princess here again, absolutely loving this quote. This week Kate Spade died, at the point of writing this the news is reporting that she had left a suicide note. I text my friend and told her about Kate’s death (she’s a KS handbag lover) and she texted back some seriously wise words

“Being mentally healthy is everything”

The text above made the hairs on my neck stand on end. Truth can do that, it can cut through your soul and not leave a trace that’s it’s obliterated your very being.

I pondered on happiness to raise my self out of a potential pit of sadness and then I decided to do what I always do when my world looks like it might turn sour or the weight of the day has left me feeling empty – Make a mental gratitude list.

The list usually works like a magic spell to lift my spirit and redirect my day. However, I then realised something that for me felt profound. Although I relish the time I have alone (like now laid on the bed with a cup of chamomile tea and a candle for company #gangsta) all the moments of happiness I have usually involve sharing it with other people.

My son came home from a new Tennis club beaming today, he couldn’t wait to tell me what he had achieved. My happiness soared just hearing about his adventure.

New purchases don’t feel fun until you show others or they compliment, or ask where you got it from.

My tribe is the basis for most of my drops of happiness, but retelling and sharing moments is often the best bit.

I don’t think you can experience the true power of happiness alone. Do you? Perhaps you share a moment through social media or even with a pet (seriously my dog laughs at all my jokes), you send a postcard, letter or email.

The only way I can think that not sharing can be more fun is when you eat an entire bag of share sized crisps to yourself.

Being mentally healthy really is everything, if you are blessed with a serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and epinephrine mix that’s good, or even better if you are mentally better by 1% then you were yesterday – you’re blessed. If you have someone (anyone…could be a pet) to share any more plus percentages with, then you’ve made it.

If you need some support to increase your percentages, please seek help via your GP or talk to the experts: Mind.org.uk for more info, many people (nearly 70% in the UK of elderly people) report being lonely, again more info here

Good shoes take you to good places.

~ Fridgesays ~ 21 Comments

Quote by Seo Min Hyun

When my son started school I took a photo of his new shoes, not him by the front door like every other home, but of his new shoes. I then realised something about myself, I mark chapters of my life with my passion for footwear, mainly heels.

Shoes speak to my soul. I have fond memories of going to Russell and Bromley as a child to be fitted for my ‘Start Rite Mary Jane’s’ in the latest colour. The child section was up a winding staircase (totally impractical for parents and little ones), it had a light fluffy carpet and around the edge of the room was a huge, long tropical fish tank. The shoes were expensive, lasted and made me feel like a princess. The new shoe box was often held by me on the journey home (except for, on the winding staircase previously mentioned) with pride and my collection over the years has grown and only increased in quality.

I have high heels that make me smile; some symbolise the break up of previous relationships, I always buy new school shoes for the new term and have shoes purchased following births, deaths and marriages.

I’m not that fond of bags….an impractical sparkly clutch bag and I’m happy. Life is too short for practical black/neutral bags and frankly I take my hat off to those that change their bag daily…hmmm hats I don’t do those either?

I don’t have shoes for every occasion, just shoes that make me smile, feel happy or in some way complete. I only own two black pairs of shoes, may be three (?) and I don’t tend to buy shoes that are cheap and as a result have never suffered with rubbing or blisters. I don’t wear shoes for comfort because how they make me feel is more important.

I asked my son about this quote and in he’s five year old wisdom he said “What’s a good place?” he raises a good point. A good place to me will be different to your perception of a ‘good place’ perhaps thats why there are so many places and so many types of shoes? In my life I plan to go onwards and upwards, it makes sense that a pair of eight or ten inch heel’s are my best companion.

Perhaps, living life in comfort is a priority for you, may be you are simple in expectations and live life exposed – the flip flop may be your choice of footwear?

My son, predictably likes wellies, adventurous and practical in the UK. Quick to put on and in some jarring design.

I make judgements about people on their shoes, do they care about themselves, do they look after themselves / are we compatible? What would your shoes tell me about you and where is it taking you?

She acts like summer and walks like rain

~ Fridgesays ~ 20 Comments

Lyrics by Train.

Sometimes a quote speaks to my soul. This is me at my very best.

My happy place. Light on my feet, smelling like sunshine (citrus and sun tan lotion spring to mind). Summer is carefree, adventurous and for me a vacation from the dark winter nights and long working days.

Sometimes summer can be ‘too’ hot and you can feel frazzled, sore and sweaty – rain can be torrential, devastating to flood plains and has horrendous qualities in abundance and drought. When I lose my sense of centre and get ‘scorched from the sun’ or when my work load is drowning me…. I go to this quote. It instantly makes me feel happy. It lifts my soul and this is why I find the power of reading and writing to be therapeutic. It can realign and invigorate me. So in case you thought this blog had all the answers, it’s simply a place where I remind myself of my inner summer. Keep shining, dance in the rain and find your centre spot because that’s winning and everything else is just a distraction.

Change can be sunshine if you let it in.

~ Fridgesays ~ 22 Comments

Frankly it’s spring in the UK and I’m freezing…I’ve got more knitwear on right now that Marks and Spencer’s.

They say change is as good as a break, I’d say that haven’t been to the right locations, but it is true that change gives you a renewed energy, it allows you to see new pathways and even if at first it’s a little daunting, in time it becomes second nature.

Currently my son is reading a book about the metamorphosis of butterflies. As you turn the pages the butterfly makes the alterations it goes through look effortless. So much so, that in my next life I may have a go at it myself. There’s the larva stage where it seems life is one giant all you can eat buffet, the Pupa stage where you sleep for weeks and then you emerge like you’re on a reality TV show with shimmer and delight. How amazing must the butterfly feel when it flies after being a large slime-less slug stuck to the floor? How blooming terrified must it be to wake up one morning and find you’ve sprouted wings?

Wings; to be free, to glide and to see the world through an entirely new perspective. Those changes make my ability to change the washing detergent I use look ridiculous.

Life is short and much like the quote suggests, sunshine can come with change. Just like night changes to day, seasons change…we change, sometimes for the better, sometimes with effort and always with a new perspective.

May your days be filled with sunshine.

Perspective

~ Fridgesays ~ 15 Comments

This just made me chuckle.

If you had been watching me this morning and was wearing your judgement pants you may have concluded a different perspective to my current reality. You may of said this Mum wasn’t engaged in her son and consumed by her mobile device.

Little dude had Judo, Mr F and I sat on the sidelines and whilst Daddy looked on I marked thirty GCSE papers…well half marked (seriously marking takes FOREVER), then it was swimming time with Daddy. Little dude is now 75% fish and Daddy has been a pro at teaching him. They are currently working on a new stroke and having a blast…I’m typing this from the gallery. On my mobile phone. I glance up every now and then, but I am writing. For me. This is my time. Swimming is their time.

Judgement pants may conclude I’m disengaged and not interest. I’m one of ‘those’ Mums. It’s true and I’m going to tell you why.

This Mumma doesn’t care what anyone other than her tribe thinks of her. This parent works full time, blogs for her own sanity, lives life to the full…manages her time to the minute. This time isn’t mine to watch my son swim…it’s my writing time. It’s Daddy and little dudes time. It means that with my marking done (well more done) and my post is written, in twenty minutes I will help little dude to dress. My cup will be full and I’ll be able to give him my attention, full attention – not planning in my head, stressy Mum writing a mental list kind of attention. My phone will barely be seen and we will fill our day with cooking, visiting loved ones and a dog walk. We will create memories and giggle.

It’s clear to me that perspective is needed. On lookers don’t know me, don’t need to judge me and I don’t need to judge them. We all do, obviously – it’s human nature. Sometimes, like my image above, we need a new perspective to read it. We need to step back, to not attack, judge or be quick in response.

In friendships, with work colleague and with your tribe add a filter before you make a remark. Breath. Step back. You’ll be wiser for it. Much like the swimming pool my boys are currently in, a filter is essential to prevent them from swallowing pure wee. Don’t let your life be poisoned by other people misunderstood perceptions.

Ssshhh I’m hiding from negative people

~ Fridgesays ~ 24 Comments

Quote Anon

This quote/ phrase made me smile. However, there is good news if you too are in hiding. You do not need to hide. Which is great as the media distributes negativity like Cath Kidson prints flowers, the majority of the world are moaning and if like me you try and keep your vibration up it can feel like the universe in colluding against you.

I am a ninja of positivity and a black belt in keeping my vibration high, why? My soul mate is a miserable git. This means I live with the dark side and over the years I’ve learnt all the tricks. Below I’m going to spread the love on how to remain positive when faced with doom (also known as ‘living with Mr F – a survival guide’).

  • Energy is attracted to like, so if you can spend time with like minded peeps – do so. I always avoid large meeting spaces like the staffroom, or children’s soft play – seriously stressful places.
  • When Mr F is downstairs in a grump, I move myself upstairs or to another room, I drown his noise out with music that’s upbeat
  • Change the subject. If you’re in a good enough vibration to hear that the person you’re talking to is being negative change the subject. If you can’t close that conversation down and get away. (See previous bullet point)
  • Sometimes I laugh at Mr F, probably not the best advice but it raises my vibration and is a clear message to him that he is grumpy.
  • I make time in the morning to work on me, before the world and Mr F grunts. This means I’ve already established my pattern and I’m flying high. (Things you can do to achieve this include meditate, listen to your thoughts, set intentions, establish a good morning routine, listen to a positive podcast)
  • I end the day how I want. I don’t follow Mr F to bed when he is tired. I might stay downstairs or do my own thing. If I do follow him it ends up in a squabble.
  • I keep busy – feeling accomplished helps me to vibrate higher.
  • If a crack of a smile should enter Mr Fs face I celebrate it. AKA enjoy it whilst it lasts.

How do you stay smiling when the world outside is grey?

You’ll turn out ordinary if you’re not careful

~ Fridgesays ~ 43 Comments

Quote by Ann Brashares.

This quote made me smile. So many people of all ages lack a love for themselves. Why? Most of us are trying to be someone we aren’t. Perhaps not all of the time, but as we juggle all of the various hats on that we wear throughout the day we prefer the fit of some and hide behind others.

During my early teaching years I tried to emulate colleagues who I thought did the job well, or teachers who taught me. It didn’t work. It wasn’t me.

As a mother that was an entirely new hat (complete with ruined core muscles) that took a while to fit. I needed my hat adjusted as I took on the new role. To work out who my mum tribe was, to raise my little dude in our own way and to adjust the hat to fit me. I can’t mum like my mother did, I’m not her, although she is an amazing example, I’m raising my child in a different era with a new journey ahead of us. It took a while and needs constant adjusting but my mum hat is bespoke. It’s me and it fits like a dream.

I’m not sure anyone is happy to live an ordinary life, I think we would all opt for sparkle and quirk. However, there are a few things you need to do to live this life.

  • You need to be brave, to step away from the crowds when it doesn’t suit you.
  • You need a tribe around you that accepts you, cracks an’ all.
  • You need time to yourself, balanced with time with loved ones. There is a lot of research to suggest we ‘are’ the five people we spend the most time with. If these people are ordinary so are you.

I can’t juggle my ever growing hat stand without time for myself; to be creative, to be healthy and to be quiet. The world is a whirl of distractions and so I need to breath and pause, to check I’m on the pathway that best fits me.

This week perhaps you need to check your own hat stand out. The hats that are last season, the hats you hate, the hats you wear because everybody else does. Perhaps it’s even time to buy a new hat. Just make sure the hats are your own design and not made for somebody else.

Happy hat shopping.