I am out with lanterns looking for myself

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Emily Dickinson

What a fabulous quote. I had to pop it on the fridge, it has a frivolous feeling and yet feels deep and tender, with a twist of romance…

It doesn’t matter how much you know yourself, take time to align and balance the various elements of life…sometimes we get lost or forget what brings us joy or what we need to say no to. Each stage of life brings new joys and challenges, things that once bought us joy can feel like they are causing us to drown and at times new experiences can offer new perspectives, if we are open to receiving them.

Emily’s quote expresses the need to shine the light on the dark areas of life, the ones we hide away due to shame or overwhelm, the bits of us that live in the shadows because ‘shining a light’ on the issue then involves us having to do something about it. Facing fears sounds hugely dramatic but often we know that there are daily small tasks we should tackle but often pop into our shadows. In the shadows these small tasks can multiply, small leaks become floods, chipped paint that could be sanded and repainted in minutes becomes a bigger issues that requires sections to be replaced. I know this because I have a plethora of tasks hidden in my shadows. One of the stupidest tasks that I hate doing is washing the kitchen floor, however I have learnt time and time again that it takes under 15 minutes and makes me feel seriously satisfied- it’s a stupid task because I know all of this and still put it off, perhaps on reflection I’m stupid and the task is basic.

As we step into a new season and spring beckons us in with a daffodil of joy and a sprinkle of sunlight to inspire us, it’s time to reflect on where we are in our own journey, each season often needs us to adjust our sails and this quote reminds us where to focus our attention, obviously mine includes the kitchen floor but also other goals such as a consistent exercise routine and making myself accountable in other areas. Sometimes it’s not action that is required, often it’s rest. At other reflective moments we realise that we need to rebalance the time we are spending on one activity and redirect action in another area – it’s not more, it’s just different. As we head into spring where do you need to shine your lantern, where can you see gains that are currently stagnant? They’ll always be shadows when there is light, you don’t need to tackle it all today, but you don’t want the darkness to consume you either.

We remember moments

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Cesare Pevese

As a parent I’m good at creating moments for my son. Spontaneous moments, magical moments or disbelief moments ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ – this is who I am.

It began with my son’s hairdressers appointment in a local village to us. He is often reluctant to go, but honestly it’s been so long since his last appointment that he looked like a Lego man and even he recognised that it wasn’t a desirable vibe. As we were leaving the house my spontaneous magic decided to take our tortoise with us, it was a sunny day and I thought he’d enjoy it, plus the hairdresser has a lovely little garden attached to it for him to explore. We got in the car and my son took care of the tortoise, im spontaneous but I’m not a ‘tortoise and drive’ kinda woman. I’m always early for appointments so we had half an hour for my son to grab a meal deal and we browsed the local shops, we went into one shop and as the shop sold food, I popped the Tortoise in my handbag, I didn’t want to upset anybody and frankly he loves a dark hole.

My handbag is a little extra (see Instagram reels for more details) but it has an old fashion telephone handle attached to it. In the shop was another mother and son, the boy was about seven and he noticed my bag. He muttered something about it to his Mum and I said ‘It cool isn’t it, want me to blow your brain – the phone works’ he smiled and his Mum complimented the bag. I looked at the little boy and said ‘If you really want you brain blown I have a tortoise in my bag’ – at this point the boy looked at his Mim confused and I have to agree it’s not an average thing to hear. I carefully took Nathaniel out (that’s out Tortoise’s name) and the boys smile exploded across the shop. It was huge. He began to giggle and I asked if he’d like to hold him, he did and as he handed the tortoise back to me I wished his Mum and the boy a wonderful weekend.

As we walked over to the hairdressers where Nathaniel snoozed in a sun spot content with life’s offerings, my son remarked on how happy the boy had been. He joked I was like Mary Poppins and we giggled about Nathaniel spreading joy. We wondered if he would remember it in disbelief, or tell other people and it seems like a magic trick. My son thinks he’ll probably badger his Mum for his own Tortoise.

Either way, we spread a little joy and created a beautiful moment for a little boy. I should probably add we often take our pets on adventures but always with their comfort and safety first. Perhaps you have had a similar experience or feel inspired to share some joy. It’s doesn’t have to be the same as our experience, maybe it’s just paying a compliment to someone who needs to hear they are beautiful, or appreciating a moment with a stranger. Spreading joy and taking time to interact with the world around you is the best way to make unplanned memories of magic.

Life is one big tasting menu

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from fridgesays

Little people say the best things and I am currently working with the sassiest five year old. This week she taught me all about ‘my menu’ and I’m sharing this little tale in hope that it helps you reflect on your life menu.

The classroom assistant was passing around a bowl of fruit for snack time and when it got to Miss Sass she politely declined the offer of a Pear by flicking her ponytail and saying ‘that’s not on my menu, thank you’ – the assistant misunderstood her and said ‘xxxx, Pears are what we have today’, but Miss Sass stayed in her own lane and stated again ‘Pears are in your menu but not mine’

True to her nickname, she remained polite with a pinch of sass but reminded me about boundaries. Of course, she was actually trying to say she didn’t want a Pear, having seen her lunchbox I would guess a sugary treat was on her menu, but actually just because something is being handed out doesn’t mean we need to except it, especially if it isn’t on our menu. By this, I’m referring to larger life issues than Pears – when a person cuts you off in traffic, you don’t need to retaliate and allow their action to drop your vibe. When someone is gossiping, you don’t need to join in, you don’t need to follow the crowd because being authentic serves you and everyone around you. Often I fall out of alignment due to how those around me act, not my own mood or thoughts.

Since hearing about Pears not being on the menu, I’m wondering if I need to look at my own values and beliefs. Am I rejecting what doesn’t align with me or am I getting caught in other peoples tasting menus? Personally, I’m always a pink lady over a pear kind of person, so here’s to declining Pears and going without – less is more when you surround yourself with your own menu.

Magic is all around you

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote original from fridgesays

If you choose to see it, magic indeed is everywhere. In this week’s blog I’m going to tell you about the hazelnut ‘tree’ but first let’s set a context. In the UK, with the exception of one blue sky joy day – it’s rained. Grey Sky’s, potholes and misery have taken over the landscape, the trees are bare and everything is muddy, miserable and did I mentioned it’s rained a lot?

In February and March the hazelnut bush or tree (the world seems divided on this) produces catkins that hang from its branches. You can pick a few for a cuppa – thanks to its magnesium, iron and calcium packed nutrients it’s super good for you, although does taste like your drinking ‘the outdoors’, recently I discovered that these are the male part of the plant…over dramatic and droopy they swing from the plant looking like fancy tree earrings but the magic is just behind the catkin…(if you peek and choose to see the magic) behind each catkin is the female part of the plant. Its tiny bud gets fertilised as the wind pushes the catkins pollen towards the bud. Seems like usual fertilisation? It is BUT the bud is beautiful! It’s like a red and pink tropical flower, it does not belong in rainy grey UK conditions, and most adults walk past it without even noticing it.

Since learning about the hazelnut tree I always make time to stop and check out the stunning flowers, blooming despite the grey and damp surroundings.

Perhaps this isn’t your abracadabra kind of magic, but looking for joy and unexpected delights is a way to increase the magic of March. Feel free to share in the comments below any my wish for you this week is that the pot holes of life aren’t on the roads you travel.

Forever is composed of nows

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Emily Dickinson

Regularly fridge dwellers will know I’m a Disney fan, but the films always seem to stop at the happy ever after part…then what happens? How does the couple make it through, are they smiling at the end? Perhaps with a blue bird or two on their shoulders.

Mr F has been part of my universe since about 2005, absorbing my heart fully in 2008 (before we were just friends), having a joint bank account and mortgage since 2009, getting down on one knee in 2011 and living each day side by side.

Next weekend marks his birthday, another year around the sun, another year he doesn’t want any gifts (I didn’t fall for a material guy), another year he doesn’t want cake (Ladies, a lesson here ‘always check the small print’ I think the line about birthday cake was missed out and let’s be honest I always want an excuse to eat cake), he is a no fuss, ‘crack on’ kind of guy. So much so he confuses my concept of time, sometimes I feel like we’ve been locked in a tower for a hundred years together and at other times, it seems we’re just beginning the journey and stepping into the carriage.

Close friends will know I describe him as the string to my balloon – My world is made of huge ideas, spontaneous actions and impulses. He grabs my ankles before I float off and grounds me, he reminds me of my priorities, of what I’m trying to achieve and he holds me still…still enough to process my thoughts but he would never pop my balloon. He rarely says no and every time I come back through our front door from an adventure he always asks how my day was. He is extremely good at listening and sucks at knowing where the dishwasher is located and how to use it.

He can’t fold a bath towel but he makes up for that by doing all the long car driving. He does the lions share of dog walks and without him she may go unfed…he also feeds the Gecko and runs an awesome bubble bath. *not at the same time.

He rarely smiles, but when he does it’s worth the wait.

On Friday I asked him about when we could celebrate, he surprised me by suggesting some places he’d like to go out to eat at…I then had to explain that our twelve year old had already planned somewhere to go. He smiled and said ‘that’s fine’…he’s relaxed nature is something I’m forever grateful for, particularly when chaos hits. When darkness strikes and our worlds are thrown upside down I turn into a tornado of emotion and spontaneous combustion, he speaks calmly…takes full control and problem solves like a Jedi warrior. If I’m ever ill, he is practical…he’ll make me a cup of tea, remove the bouncing child and allow me to sleep, what he won’t indulge in is my dramatic list of ‘what if’s’

Emily Dickinson is right, there is no ‘forever’ but just lots of nows. Each moment adding to the depths of forever. Some moments we share are joyful like snuggling on the sofa laughing together over a new streamed series, some I enjoy more than him -!like when he brings me a drink in bed most mornings,!others are mundane like who picks the little dude up from training, some ‘nows’ have been sad, tragic and complicated…but we have survived and at times thrives.

When you have a baby many people tell you it passes so quickly, whilst I agree, I also think that my own ‘growing up’ is also whizzing past…how the heck did I become the adult in this reality series called my life?

Whilst we can’t control time, we can make sure our ‘nows’ make an awesome forever to look back on.

Happy birthday Mr F, you mean the world to us. Thank you for all you do and here’s to another year of nows – hopefully with more happiness, travel and laughs.

P.S the dishwasher is located on the right hand side of the kettle. It looks like a cupboard but don’t let the fool you.

The things we love tell us what we are

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by St Thomas Aquinas

The things I love are: books, tea, stars, my car, disco balls, house plants, baking, cardigans, walking, art, theatre shows and hugs.

I’m not sure what this tells me? That I’m a sparkling, creative academic who likes pretty things…actually that’s probably true. It seems Thomas was correct. Not at all my intention for this post but I totally suggest you freely write a list of all to the things you love and see if it matches up with reality.

I’m unsure I like the word ‘things’ as I wanted to include people. When I think of love I think of the people that I care most about, animals and I guess perhaps walking and theatre aren’t things – perhaps things to do, so I altered the list slightly.

I think we are more than Thomas suggested, ‘we are’ the attributes of our behaviours – we are how we treat others, the values we push out into this discombobulated spinning planet. We are how we make others feel.

In death and traditional eulogies a whistle stop tour of events; birth, education, employment and marriage are mentioned. These are not who we are – these are what we did. I’ve personally never wept a tear because ‘Margaret worked in marketing for nineteen years’ but I have felt sorry for the loss of how others made me feel, kept me in mind.

We should tell people more. In life, we should share random moments of confirmation of how people made us feel. We could hand write notes, send texts or just tell people when we see them. ‘I’m a better person for knowing you because… I love you dearly because… or a simple cheers for always….’ in the month of the over priced flower, chocolate heaving Valentine’s Day that’s squished in the middle of February, instead of getting caught in the consumerism , reach out to those you are grateful for and share how you feel. Memories fade around things but how others make use feel transforms lives.

Makeup is art, beauty is spirit

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Dear son,

Approaching thirteen you asked me a question and I’m not sure I did the answer any justice. Instead, I’ve taken some time to scribble my words on the page and now I’m ready to share my answer.

You explained that the girls in your school are plastering on make up, drowning themselves in phenoxyethanol and benzophenomes (your high ability science and I don’t know what these are, but I get the gist), you told me the girls randomly stick mini stickers in the shape of stars, hearts and mushrooms that are meant to hide blemishes but as you eloquently point out, instead draw attention. You finish your confused monologue with ‘all to impress boys and Mum – we don’t like it’

This is what I wished I had said in that moment. It’s not about you. It’s never for boys.

My own story with makeup means you have seen very little modelled on your Mumma. I taught in an all girls school for over eleven years and began this in my mid twenties. I arrived at work daily with a face full of concealer, foundation, blush, mascara, sometimes eyeliner, sometimes eyeshadow and realised that as I preached at the front of the assembly hall on topics of self love, how as young women my girls should love themselves and not worry about others, I was hiding behind a mask myself. Realising my hypocrisy I scaled down my make up operation. I taught makeup-less most days, added concealer when required, a whisp of mascara when desired…but mainly I taught from a place of authenticity. I’m very blessed that my self love is high and doesn’t rely on external products. That isn’t the same for everyone.

Makeup can be fun and on a special occasion I will often use a variety of different shades to ‘enhance’ my features. That said, I have never once dressed or put makeup for boys. I don’t think your father notices if I wear mascara or not. I’m pretty certain he doesn’t, as I can come back from the hairdressers with a full head of highlights and he asks where I’ve been, it’s likely he doesn’t even know what mascara is. It’s never to attract boys, because you are right – generally, the male gaze isn’t keen on makeup.

The girls in your school are working out who they are. This is a deeply personal matter and society has added makeup as a step from girls world to womanhood. Like it or not, it’s there and it’s complex. For some it is a mask, it’s hides deep insecurities and for others it’s frivolous fun. Make up can come with a thousand connotations that as a boy – are none of your business.

If anything, the girls in your school are putting makeup on for other girls. I often dress for my female friends, I always dress to express and I always wear what I want…again with my content confidence I don’t worry about others nor if the outfit and the setting are appropriate and I’ve been cold more often that not because I always forget a coat and never dress practically. But I am happy…cold but happy. All of what I wear and how I present myself is my business.

The issue currently for you is that most girls are appalling at putting on makeup. Like, really bad. They are at the stabiliser part of riding a bike, it gets better in time but falling off in terms of makeup can look horrendous. If you had seen the drawn on eye brows of 2011 you to would have known where Crayola got this inspiration for the chiselled tip . In 2006 I taught in Essex and the fake orange tan smell across the school could put year nine boys to sleep – it may sound stereotypical but the previous white collared school shirts where autumnal shades of orange and brown were a very real thing. But it’s not your business. As their teacher it’s not my business.

What someone adds to their body is their concern only. All that matters is that you treat yourself with respect. By treating yourself with respect that in turn means you allow kindness to be spoken from your lips. If you see contours on a girls face that look like she’a playing cowboy and Indian’s – you do not need to say anything. You don’t even need to compliment a girl who has clearly invested hours of YouTube ‘how to’ videos and looks stunning…it’s still none of your business. You may become close to that girl or perhaps even be her boyfriend – still none of your business. Other peoples faces and fashions are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Instead, I can tell promise it gets better. The girls will take off their makeup stabilisers and learn how to blend, purchase the right products for them (and not something pushed by Tik-Tok algorithms ) in time the makeup in the room will feel less ‘loud’ to you. It’s just a phase and my gorgeous boy, puberty will have its own pathway for you, focus on you and always remain kind.

Love Mum x

Stay genuine, tables will turn

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

In a topsy turvy world of power and control, being genuine is a quality to not only admire but to aspire to.

World politics are currently at a level of utter bananas. Everyone is unsure who to believe, who is speaking the truth or who actually has concerns abouts their communities best interests.

I cant control oil prices, land conservation or much like yourself decipher where truth is hiding. It’s easy to read headlines and feel powerless, overwhelmed and confused. All you can control is yourself, so be genuine.

You don’t have to read the headlines everyday if they cause you to feel too much. Be genuine in what you can handle and spend your time both seeking answers and ensure you are well. It’s ok to turn the radio down, or not start the day with a diet of trauma – if what you need is to get outside and fine joy in the simplicity of the seasons changing.

When you interact with anyone, your best friend or a human you’ve never met previously and may never see again – be genuine. In a world full of lies, show up in your own truth. My parents encouraged me as a mini tot that ‘if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything’ it’s cliche and of course there are times when despite feeling negative we need to shout out injustices but most of the time it serves us to seek peace and walk away.

Recently, I have noticed that in my own universe I’ve turned to creative outlets as a way of reducing screen time and to occupy my mind, but the added joy of crafts and building something is the dopamine you experience when you’ve completed a project. These added joyful chemicals in my brain also help to shut the noise of the world out and encourage inner peace. In turn, this helps me to be genuine and able to give those around me the best version of myself. It’s not a complicated recipe and one that won’t fix the world, but it might just support you as we move through difficult times. When did you last make something or let your creative mind shine?

How lucky are we

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I have always had a strong dislike for car sales people, the reason is simple; they’ve always lived up to the stereotype of being pushy, arrogant and ultimately unhelpful. In the same way I’m not going to try and sell January to you. It’s bland skies, dark mornings and it feels naked, stripped from the tinsel and lights of December. I strongly believe January is for hibernating, staying home and resting. It’s not a season of dramatic change and that’s ok.

I’m now going to reframe January but don’t think I’m not aware of all the above, I’m not a car sales man and I’m not going to tell you that January will be amazing, only you can control that, we don’t have to hold the heavy weight of the new year either. After a December of social demands how lucky are we to have a slower paced month next. One that doesn’t demand or want, a month to quietly potter and plan…but demands little action. I’ve seen memes online about January having 2383 days in it and I agree it can feel long, especially if you were paid in early in December.

I am lucky that I don’t need to live pay check to pay check, I am lucky that I don’t desire to go out, content to snuggle down at home and happy to slowly step through January after the tornado of December. I think of January as an exhale. Of letting go, perhaps even with some light decluttering. As a huge lover of books January gives me time to immerse myself in literate and whilst I may be still, I’m thinking about spring, the year ahead and what I’d like to achieve – I’m just not taking action yet. How lucky are we. January is the dream month, the planning and the creative ideas coming together ready to launch but nothing that needs to begin today.

Often working people get the Sunday night blues and perhaps January is the Monday of the year. How lucky are we to have a fresh start. Mondays last just as long as the other six days and as we approach the end of our lives I’m sure we’d be grateful for every Monday we could gather, the same goes for Januaries.

Just because something doesn’t sparkle doesn’t mean there can’t be huge privilege within it. Rather than viewing the month with a heavy heart and a sense of blandness, look for the moments you can reframe and reflect the positive moments. Half way through the month now, it will soon pass – perhaps you can see you’ve already achieved something marvellous? Or perhaps you can find contentment in the stillness of this time. Whatever your own circumstances I urge you to reframe your world with a positive perspective, why? Because you are lucky you have the option to. Celebrate the small moments and I promise 2026 will be the year you flourish.

Will burn sage and bridges as needed

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

As we enter 2026 and pack away the Christmas glitz for another eleven months, we might be tempted to declutter our spaces. However, today’s post is about decluttering our energy.

I’m a huge fan of saging or using palo santo in my home. In fact there are many ways I reenergise my spaces. The woo woo meets science suggests that saging kills all energy leaving a blank surface, the bleach of the spiritual world so to speak. Palo santo just removes the negative energy, so is more like your kitchen disinfectant – a little less intense and leaves the positive energy behind. I use both depending on what I feel the space needs and whilst I cant scientifically prove it makes a difference, I can tell you it makes me feel like I’m taking action to improve my living space and energy, how I feel is often all I can control.

Another practice that I do is blow a pinch of cinnamon from the palm of my hand over the threshold of my front door, this is meant to invite money and abundance into my home, again no proof it works but it makes me happy.

Bridges are easier to burn but harder for people to do. If you don’t enhance my life (or those around me) I’m unlikely to contact you. If I’m the one always making contact, I will stop. It’s your loss.

When it comes to taking down bridges there are two aspects that often don’t get discussed. The first is that bridges can be rebuilt or upgraded. If you realise that a friend is no longer a joy but a burden, take the bridge down, if things alter you can always rebuild a new bridge, it might be smaller but friendships can be reestablished. When we discuss knocking down bridges and taking people out of our lives, we often think about the process like we blew the bridge up with nuclear weapons – never to return, in some cases this is useful but in others a little break can often allow you to reflect. Secondly, you get to decide what bridges you cross. You get to decide who you spend your time with. If we return to our bridge analogy then you are the toll booth manager. You say who crosses your bridge and when they can return, you also might need to complete repairs on your bridge eg. You both may need to reanalyse your relationship and give it the attention in needs. Bridge building is complex, much like relationships. Clear boundaries and communication are often important, less so that bridges perhaps.

Either way, as we begin a new year do what you need to ensure the space around you is positive. For some it maybe decluttering (always in my house), redecorating (always in my house) or making time to prioritise things that you want to achieve, be that eating less processed things, reducing sugar or exercising regularly. Whatever it is, always prioritise yourself.