Be a fountain, not a drain

Quote by Rex Hudler.Its 4pm on a Sunday afternoon and this quote reflects my current reality. On the precipice of a new week I became absorbed and overwhelmed with the lunches that needed packing, the shift patterns that required certain meals at certain times, meetings, child care and everything else in between…I felt blue and was just about to write my famous ‘endless to do’ list when a little fairy tapped me on the shoulder. She whispered in my ear – put the kettle on.

Not one to mess with fictional beings, I flicked the kettle and grabbed the nearest mug. “No” said the Fairy, and I knew in an instant she preferred to drink tea from a fine bone china cup. The tea was just the break I needed from being absorbed in to the drain of destruction.

For those of you that have never thought what being ‘drained’ meant, check out my quick google below

1.cause the water or other liquid in (something) to run out, leaving it empty or dry
2. deprive of strength or vitality.
1. a channel or pipe carrying off surplus liquid, especially rainwater or liquid waste
2. a thing that uses up a particular resource.

Now, I can’t write for everyone but I’m pretty sure whether verb or noun I don’t want to ever feel like a deprived, surplus, dry person who lacks vitality – especially not during my precious weekend time.
Thats when I realised the Fairy was right. Sure, there were things to consider, tasks to complete but they didn’t need to consume me, leave me feeling empty or overwhelmed. It was at this point I made the decision to be a fountain. To let the day flow with direction and with my current on course, but one that would give me pleasure and not overwhelm me.
We all have choices in every moment of this life time and I believe I am the happiest person that I know; with exception of babies that advertise Milk  – they are seriously happy and I could never compete with those gurgles of pure delight.
But I am happy because I choose to be, I look for the glass half full, I constantly analyse my mood, mind and direction. In recent months I have avoided certain people who drain me, I don’t watch the News because its blooming depressing and although current affairs interest me, I don’t wish it to be delivered directly in to my home in a manner that is distorted and the horror magnified. These choices may seem minor but they effect my mood and that in turn alters my vibrations.
I don’t always get it right, you’d be surprised how easy it is to become absorbed and attract negativity in to your life, to deviate from where you want to be, but a cup of tea is usually enough for me to turn my fountain back on and stop looking at what others have, what I lack or desire.
Therefore this week, and every week after it I challenge you to be aware of your mind, to choose to be happy and to avoid negative environments. If like me you are easily distracted and many people demand from you, I also recommend you approach this challenge with extra tea bags and the best cup you own (or use it as an excuse to buy a new one). Unfortunately, the Fairy is mine and I can’t loan her out. But listen hard enough and you’ll find we all have an inner voice that wants the best for you, every day.

Your vibes attract your tribe 

Quote by the goddess Anon. 

Apparently if females retain a friendship for over seven years, they tend to keep it for life. This fact seems to be relevant to my friendship group, in fact I’ve often lost contact or walked away from unhealthy friendships just before the seven year itch. 

Jim Rohn has postulated that we are made up of the five people we socialise with the most…this worries me? Time wise I probably spend more time with work colleagues than my family and friends that I have chosen. Further research confirmed that if you are looking to climb the social ladder then just being with wealthy people can increase your income. 

For any dieters out there, the same goes for weight, health and literally any social trend. Of course there are always exceptions but in the main my friends are all vaguely clones of me – similar occupations, Social status, finance, hobbies and even lifestyle choices like choosing not to smoke. 

My vibe is much like my blog 75% positivity, 10% reality and the rest a combination of Disney vibes and sparkle, which means my tribe is similar (that’s a lot of sparkle)

If you are of a negative disposition or life has just taken you down a dark alley, be cautious about who’s  hand you hold as you may be attracting a tribe member you wouldn’t usually aquaint yourself with, or that will keep you in the dark for longer than you need.

As far as tribes go, we are designed to thrive in small communities and not really meant to link with over 150 people in our life time. Our global identity and social media reality can mean most people can achieve this most days, so don’t be reluctant to take a step out of the crowds and reflect / invest time in your own vibes and those you prefer to spend time with. I think this is why I like to walk the dog and submerge myself in nature regularly.

How’s your tribe? Does it fulfill the vibe you desire and if not what action do you need to take. 

Celebrate every tiny victory 

Quote by Anon
This quote excites me. In a ‘live for today ‘way, rather than counting down to the next big event and slowly wishing our days away.

Back in 2009 I was pregnant and like all chaotic moments – buying a house. The year seemed to be eating at our souls slowly, so much to do and so little time to do it in. More terrifying was where to start. It was at this time that my midwife encouraged me to relax more and Mr F started taking me to the pub for a celebratory lemonade (outrageous I know) in the afternoon, it was the last trimester where I was reluctant to leave the house. With money tight we felt the need to have a reason to go out midweek and so we started to celebrate our daily victories. Send paper work off – Chink, to a week later completing a survey on the house or buying a pram – chink. 

Mile stones seem to follow with the birth of a baby; from rolling on their tummy to first steps. Yet just before two years the mile stones ease and the celebrations frequency seems to also.

My ‘to do list’ is endless and although when I complete individual tasks I feel satisfied I never really celebrate the end of the list. I’ve never wrote a Facebook status on the topic, or even tweeted my joy…in fact until now I’ve never taken the time to reflect that I have ever got to the end of the list, perhaps because I’m busy writing tomorrow’s ‘to dos’ and that isn’t healthy or productive. 

Tiny victories make for happy souls. Think how far you’ve come since the start of the year, the month or even what you’ve achieved this week. May be even jot them down.

  • Got home earlier than usual 
  • Cooked dinner, sat and chatted to Mr F over said dinner with candles lit and…
  • Toys cleared away
  • Two loads of washing 
  • Wrote this post :) 
  • Participated in a linky by commenting on other blog posts 
  • Updated Instagram @fridgesays and Twitter whatmyfridgesay 
  • Showered 
  • Planned outfit for tomorrow

Okay, so perhaps this isn’t the makings of a God like figure, but this list occurred in a three hour time frame, with family around, distraction and with other many victories in between.
The washing pile took a battering, my blog blossomed, Mr F and I connected and that’s healthy progress, if we slowed down and noted the commendable moments that pass so many of us by, perhaps we would all have a little more self love and less doubt. How many people would love to start a blog but don’t have time are too busy to sit down mid week and share a meal, now before I award myself a medal and you think I’ve lost the plot here comes the magic

You’re victorious too. We all are. We just forget to celebrate it. 

What we don’t realise is that celebrating doesn’t need a social media status, a party for 6000 people or a food/drink reward.

It takes tiny moments and a tiny amount of time to recognise and enjoy the self satisfaction of what we have done, rather than going to bed with a list of all we still have to do, feeling exhausted and like we are failing. 

Today is a gift and that’s why we call it the present, perhaps this is our most precious victory and it isn’t so tiny. 

If you suck at looking at your daily victories, I have a game that may work. 

Just before I pull into my village on the way home I go over my day and remind myself of eight moments where I was successful. (I’m not sure why eight, it just feels right for me) The best bit about this game is I now ask J (aged three) what his favourite moments were, it can easily be adapted. By the time I’ve put the car in neutral and removed the car keys I always feel good about my day and what I have achieved. 

A positive mindset helps you reach your goals quicker, lifts your soul and even makes for a happier being. What’s not to love? Start treasuring your achievements everyday. You are victorious 

Interrupt anxiety with gratitude 

Quote from Danielle Laposte

Disclosure: this quote flows with ease, the reality of anxiety isn’t always as simple. I realise that but think there is merit in this quote, let me explain why…

Anxiety: prevalent in developed countries, the biggest form of mental health in the USA and consuming teenagers like a Bee to nectar. 

What can we do? Well it’s complex, anxiety is often simultaneous with depression and at times will require either medical treatment or a holistic approach to overcome. The good news is many people are naturally anxious and it can be a personality characteristic than something needing long term treatment, it’s this form that I think this quote is aimed at. Anxiety is one of the many rainbow of emotions we are meant to feel, like all spectrums of emotions they allow us to form strategies and live our lives with the least resistance. I work with and for many people who are anxious by nature. I think it’s often a way the human brain shows it cares and at times can go in to overdrive, after all if we didn’t care we wouldn’t worry. It’s in this case that a drop of gratitude and a balanced look at the situation can dilute anxiety. 

Anxiety doesn’t care who it strikes and when, it doesn’t prefer poor, rich or polka dot but it does frequent females more often. 

My interpretation of this quote is that if you come across someone who is suffering from the anxiety, sit them down (hyperventilating has a wonderful way of making people faint) calmly speak to them and use positive sentences of gratitude, love and reassurance where possible. It really can help and although may not be the solution, to me its basic mathematics; a negative can be overcome by a positive. I work with one girl who is now able to use key sentences of self love to manage what once were daily attacks.  

To everyone who has avoided anxiety, keep the gratitude flowing and those daily mantras of self love, worth and belief will serve you dearly. 

*if anxiety is being served to you on a plate that you’d rather not consume, see you GP and gain guidance from site such as Mind 

Fight for the fairy tale, it does exist

Quote by Joy.F

When I was a little princess I lived high up on a hill, I had a pink room papered with tiny rose buds and was surrounded by dolls and love.  I was a lucky little lady, and as I grew (perhaps its the only child in me) I expected the best and knew that my knight in shining Dad armour would protect me from the horrors of the world.

My childhood was padded, corners were eradicated with strategically placed cushions. My garden toys, slide and swing both had protective rubber at the bottom – heaven forbid I hit the rough edges of the grass.

Due to health issues Gluten was my nemesis, so I battled hard with the force that is ‘My Mummy’, she checked labels, made from scratch and in an era without gluten free foods abundant on supermarket shelves and with no access to the internet she became the lighthouse of knowledge on all things GF. At birthday parties I had a packed lunch, at play dates she baked biscuits…she was my Delia delight because I was never once aware of being any different from anyone else.

I was allowed the freedom to be what ever I wanted to be. This was one of the greatest gifts that my family gave me. The gift to dream.

I kissed many frogs – some more ‘Toad of Toad Hall’ than had any handsome prince potential, but a young girl has to find these things out for herself. Its part of the adventure and makes for a fabulous cliff hanger.

I became an amalgamation of most of the Disney Princess’s, my imagination is at times so far fetched I have trouble working out how to get back to reality. I can be as feisty and independent as Elsa (although I could never live on a snow capped mountain, I’m pathetic in the cold weather), as vulnerable as Cinderella; sometimes we need to be whisked away and cared for, although I would never be so careless as to mislay a shoe, plus I’m not a night owl so I worry about turning into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight if I’m not tucked up in bed with a camomile tea by my side (so ghetto).

I can be as care free as Lilo, my labrador is more practical than stitch – she can fetch. Ive had my wild Merinda hair moments and had to overcome situations beyond my comfort zone.

I am a princess. I live the fairy tale.

I also have a career, my own family, responsibilities and Ive become a woman that carries tissues and light snacks in her handbag amongst the Dior lipgloss and DKNY sunglasses.

If you think I have it all, you are wrong – there would never be a sequel if happily ever after was so simple. I battle my own demons and struggle with my own issues daily, have things I want to improve, goals I want to reach BUT I choose to look through fairy tale glasses.

It’s a choice like what I’ll eat at Breakfast. Fairy tale eyes let’s me escape the dull and mundane and with the average Disney film lasting approximately 90minutes I still have time to fantasise and do the dishes…I’m just waiting for seven dwarfs to arrive and half a dozen bluebirds to dust my living room. You can get these on Amazon right?

Perspective is something I often end up writing about, I’m sure its because as I grow mine alters and experiences cause me to change my opinions. This quote is shouting out that you can already have the fairy tale – that you’ve been living it since the day you was born…if thats how you decide to see each day.

Perhaps you aren’t a natural glass half full person, or may be you’ve been the ugly sister, Genie in the lamp for others for a little too long. For what its worth I believe you can still go to the ball, live happily ever after and slay any dragons along the way. To do this will take courage to change and small steps to a better tomorrow, but if we’re honest we have all wondered what happened to the ugly sisters anyway….perhaps they won the lottery, found some spiritual alignment, loved themselves and ran away in the night with a hansom man from another kingdom. Or may be they learnt to knit, sorted that cupboard out and got dinner ready on time to watch Eastenders.

Enjoy the journey of your own happy ever after. what Disney character resonates with you?



Be stubborn about your goals…

Quote by William A Donohue

Today I wanted some time to write, I booked Daddy to step in for a cheeky hour so that I could edit and do all those ‘concentrating’ bits without J pulling for my attention. Time to write was my goal – the method however turned out very different. J doesn’t nap anymore (*biggest parent sigh ever) and this morning we hit the shops for some new shoes for his ever growing feet, on the journey home a miracle occurred – J fell to snoozy sleep in the car. After your first week of being a parent the phrase ‘never wake a sleeping baby’ is sacred and should be treated with extra tip toe care – this 100% extends to toddlers. So, with this is mind I’m now sitting on our drive way, tanning my legs out of the car door, achieving my goal of writing and in the back of the car is my snug content little dude. This example is exactly what I think this quote is about.

My bestie and her boyfriend set three mini goals a day. The method of how they achieve them is fluid. It’s a winning formula that so many of us miss because ‘that’s not how we saw it in our heads’…whilst hesitating your objective can be easily lost.

If like me you’re slightly obsessed with lists then you too will know that ticking them off is satisfactory but how you reach them is immaterial to the satisfaction of the flick of the tick.

That’s not to say you should ever sacrifice your goal or dreams, no matter how big they are.If you’re house hunting for a three bedroom house in a particular area with a specific price range – that’s what you want. Don’t shift – stay stubborn. It’s nearly always worth a drop of patience for the things you really want in life, but as the quote suggests flexibility in the method may mean you actually purchase a four bedroom house for the price and in the location of your previous goal…who doesn’t want a little more space?

This week take things as fluid as you can, set goals from emptying the laundry basket to world domination but don’t worry or get caught up with the minor details about how you arrive at your destination, sometimes things work out much better the way you never intended, for example I now have tanned legs and another post written. (tick)


Broken crayons still colour 

Quote from Trent Shelton, an American Football player and someone I’m a little envious of. Not for his skills on the field, God no; I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with those, it’s this quote.

Every now and then I read a quote and wish I’d thought of it. This is genius in simplicity and has a flawless execution.

In life we all have defining moments, experiences or levels of ability that can have a negative impact on us.

Or we can be a broken crayon; altered by the process but still a crayon of colour and delight. I guess how we handle the events or abilities is our decision and perhaps is more powerful than the event or ability itself.

When our little girl passed away just days after she was born, we became the new parents without the need to push a pram. We became people that had something horrendously negative happen to them that they could never have expected. The days following her death were hard to get through and seven years on I’m still envious of anyone who has a daughter by their side. Anniversaries are always uncomfortable and I’ve learnt that there will always be ‘firsts’ that we will all miss out on experiencing. But I am not the grieving parent you may think, I rarely write about her and am always positive about the experience. As my first born she made me a ‘Mummy’ if only for a short time. She taught me about compassion, the grieving process and what real friendship looked / felt like. The experience took my fuscia pink crayon and with my heart snapped it in two…but I still colour with it and I don’t feel the need to show everyone the contents of my pencil case. I refuse to be defined by one experience or labelled accordingly.

This September I gained a new pupil in school who is by societies need to categorise her ‘Autistic’, when talking to her Mum she spoke of *Daisys needs and *Daisys ways, like they were personality traits of hers rather than of Autism and it was in this moment that her crayon radiated from the box. Autism became irrelevant and just as it should *Daisy shone with her own likes/dislikes just like every other child in my classroom or crayon in the box. Call me sentimental but they just endeared me to her all the more.

The end of a relationship and the inevitable heart break that follows is another time in our lives where in that moment you feel distorted and even question the most basic of tasks. I remember finding it difficult to breath – which is crazy as looking back the best thing that ever happened to me was losing that brown pooh crayon of doom.

I guess we are all crayons, some with our labels peeled and others dented from the impact of life in the pencil case. At times we may get broken but remembering we all have the CHOICE to still colour the most vibrant of pictures is essential to our quality of life.

So to all my stubby ends, peeled peers and lost pooh brown crayons of doom – life beyond the brand new box goes on, make your picture extra radiant and fill the page each and everyday using both your positive and negative experiences for the better.

If you was a crayon what colour would you be? Id be a limited edition glitter pink creation called something wonderful like ‘Flamingo fever’
*Daisys name was altered to protect her identity. 

You are enough 

Quote Anon
Reading my posts you can probably tell I’m an upbeat woman who can solve most things with a pair of high heels (the higher the better) and a swipe from a lipgloss wand, incidentally I love the quiet popping noise when you pull the gloss wand from its container…I digress, however, you’ll also know I’m a natural motivator and am hugely competitive with myself. If I can better my health, wealth, relationships, career or purchase a product that can do the job more efficiently I’m first in line. I don’t really have dreams – I have goals. Driving those goals to the finish line requires daily hard work, dedication and surrounding myself with like minded people

And that’s where it gets hard. Society is sooo hard on itself. I am enough right now. That doesn’t mean I can’t improve, it just means I love myself enough to give myself a break. It means I aspire to be more but still love where I am – and I know I’m lucky to feel this way because interacting with work colleagues, friends and family it seems self hate has become the norm. Lunch in the staffroom always involves someone commenting on their own eating habits, weight or the current diet trend. It’s exhausting.

It’s a poison that is slowly contaminating our wonderful children, sadly they grow up and somewhere along the line they lose their inhibitions, judge themselves with dark lenses as the rose tinted, happy go lucky attitudes of early years fall to the floor. Cracked and fragmented, disjointed and doubtful if what they can achieve.

Its the daily doubt that so many people who I see positive qualities in don’t recognise within themselves.

I guess what I’d like to say is, if someone else can love you how you are right now – you can love yourself too. In this very moment. For some this is hard, others it seems impossible. So how can you alter your self love dial to full on?

 I’m a great advocate of Lousie Hayes ‘Mirror work’ a quick surf through the web will give you detailed instructions, but in essence you begin by looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you love you. 

At first I can guarantee it’s totally cringe worthy and at times you laugh or someone else in the house thinks you are taking to them (awkward) but after a while it feels empowering and is rather addictive. 

You can extend this by telling yourself what you love or are grateful for. You may hate your belly but do you love your boobs? If so, look in the mirror and let your chest know. It’s working practice but I promise it’s worth it.

If the mirror seems too much to begin with you can simplify it by playing a little game. 

Every time I say something negative (my thighs are too large) I then say in my head something that I like (my eyes are beautiful) and over time you’ll find you don’t need to verbalise the negatives and as a result they reduce and self appreciation can prosper

A variation of this is to list the things you like, are grateful for and enjoy. 

However you feel about you in the moment please know that you are enough. That someone loves you just how you are. That if you have young children -you are a superhero that can do no wrong, and that the belly you hate is what they love to hold most.

You are enough. 

If you only have one mantra this should be it. 

Let’s start by taking a nap or two

Quote from the classic bear that no babies nursery is complete without  – Winnie the Pooh 

Do you like to nap? Are you someone who likes to lay in at the weekend, go to bed early or just loves a snooze? 

Or are you the opposite? Someone who feels napping is lazy, sleep is for the weak and you could be doing something productive? I know many babies and young children that agree with the latter. The average parent loses 400 – 750 hours of sleep in the first year after having a baby. 

We know and certainly research suggests that napping is good for us. The optimum power nap for adults should be between 15-30 minutes.

Sleep or lack of, is a fascinating area of research that so many of us are too busy to read up on. Perhaps reading this you’re thinking ‘it would be lovely if I had the time’ and I hope reading those thoughts you can see the irony.

Sleep enhances our performance, our mental health and our overal wellbeing. 

I was a nightmare child who didn’t sleep through the night until I was seven (sorry Mum and Dad), I remember standing at the top of the staircase calling out and inventing excuses as to why I should come back downstairs (feeling thirsty and poorly tummy were my favourites) and as a result I don’t need much sleep as an adult. I am a morning person and not particularly a night time owl but around six hours is probably perfect for me. The average adult needs between 7.5 and 9 hours sleep per night, preferably uninterrupted. A lengthier night sleep can actually make you feel more tired and can result in a sleep hangover. No thanks, pass me the gin.

Humans are the only mammals that don’t take regular naps during the day. Thinking like that makes me think that Pooh had the right attitude. Most mammals take small 10-15minute naps throughout the day (my dog takes three to four 4hr naps throughout the day) although I’m not sure my classes would approve, it makes a huge amount of sense for productivity and quality of life.
Mattress quality is the next huge thing for sleep quality and back health. We are about to upgrade ours, with the average mattress lasting between 4 to 6 years and considering the amount of time you spend in it, it is worth investing in, we are a little overdue. The sleep council have more info on this should you require it. 

Taking some time out to think about your sleep routine and how you can enhance it is time well spent and may just make Monday mornings a little less stressful. Or instead you could use the time to nap. Either way you’ll be winning. 

What is your sleep pattern like?

Be a Mermaid and make waves 

As long term readers will know when I grow up I want to be a mermaid, anything vaguely mermaid related appeals to me and as I’ve grown older I’ve also realised that I want to live in tropical waters, I’ve watched enough episodes of ‘location location’ to know that ethos/environment matter; we’re talking clear water, tropical fish terrain not Brighton in the winter for I fear my shells would shrivel and if I’m honest my shell area is already on the petite size.

As a result this quote screamed out ‘oh use me – and why not write about the quote whilst you’re on holiday’ so here I am – writing. 

On the plane I’ve just watched a film called ‘The Boss’ with Melissa McCarthy and Kirsten Bell and it did make me giggle. The lead character is a feisty woman who see’s a vision (in this particular example by selling chocolate brownies) and goes for it. I thought of the quote instantly ‘make a splash’ – how many of us hold back, may be only slightly in case our splash is too large and it may make others wet or in the real world ‘piss people off’ or perhaps like me we hide behind excuses of being busy, a full time mum – you name it I’ve used it. Why? Because what if my splash doesn’t resemble Ariels in The Little Mermaid and is just a puddle… 

Fear however if far worse than any puddle…when you have a puddle at least you know a cloud did its job and rained, or more likely in my home – mummy broke the tap and flooded the joint. It doesn’t matter how the puddle arrived, someone somewhere helped it to happen, someone did something. Fear however can be paralysing, fear stops dreams in its tracks and turns a splash from a mermaid into…empty rocks.

So may be I’m not a Mermaid (yet) although beach permitting I’ll be giving it my best shot and may be I’ll never fulfil all my dreams but I’m going to give it a damn good go. 

One of my plans whilst I’m away is to write in my journal and I also want to blast through some new books that I’ve packed…

Like the start of a new year, a holiday is a great time to return refreshed and re-energised and ready to step it up and make some waves, and who knows I might even start to grow a fin or a glimmer of scales whilst I’m away?

What are your dreams and what are your ‘Wave’ blocks preventing you from fulfilling the ultimate big splash?