People are like music…

Quote once again from the awesome Anon. This quote is a good one.

I would say I speak less than I did before my son was born…Mr F would obviously disagree. I was the child at parents evening who was always told she was ‘very chatty’ and so even if I worked extra hard to filter my mouth, as my ratio of traffic is so high it doesn’t make a difference to my audience, in fact installing traffic lights or even a roundabout through my mouth wouldn’t help either, so please don’t think I’m an expert on the quieter side of life.

However, I have put some filters in that didn’t exist in my twenties. For example, I think more and much deeper than I ever did previously. I read more and I listen to pod casts that enhances my knowledge and perspective. I also realised by listening more, I’ve become highly critical of peoples social skills and think in turn this has enhanced my communication skills. I’m much better at listening and being active in conversations. 

My Mum can vouch that for the first seven years I didn’t sleep through the night, but for a good sevenTEEN I didn’t listen, especially to my parents telling me to go to sleep, or to anyone in authority, or to any of my friends…okay and any member of the human race. However, becoming a Mummy altered my perception of noise. Frankly a new born baby makes far too much and so quiet and calm moments become precious. I also don’t wish to fill his head with negativity and spend my entire life saying NO to him and limit his world. I’m cautious with my words and his sponge like mind filters every little letter and files it away (usually to use it against me at a later point in the the day).

However, why am I sharing my noise levels with you…because people that jabber really irritate the crap out of me. They speak nonsense and talk about things they have little knowledge of, BUT when someone regardless of age or any of the categories we like to pop humans into speaks with passion, truth and depth – it’s like a firework display in my soul. I become coal like; at first dark and cold but as they speak I burn bright and glow from the inside…and when they stop I turn to ashes leaving my thought process in a new state, not better or worse – just different.

This quote is really on my ‘to do’ list and like I stated at the beginning, it’s working practice for a chatter box to filter their thoughts out loud, but I do recognise it’s something worth pursuing. 

So how do we start, like everything I think we start with small steps. We apply how we use our mouths to how we use our online presence when we comment on social media, share or interact. We listen a little deeper, speak a little less and when we do open our mouths we first open our hearts. Sounds simple doesn’t it, then why am I still trying to work it out? 

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Little can be wise

Quote by me; seriously I just made a quote because I couldn’t find one that was what I was looking for (wish I could do this with my bank balance).

What was meant to be a moment to teach my son became one of the most magical learning moments in my universe. It all revolves around the glory that is white chocolate – now Nestle, before you sue me, make sure you read to the end where we all live happily ever after and the Milkybar is our favourite white chocolate.

My son is four years wise and obsessed with going to the shops after Nursery for a treat. Recently he has been falling asleep in the car before we can make it to the shops and has a break down on our drive way when he realises there is no going back. However, this week he said he would just ‘close’ one eye and like a miracle we made it to the petrol station. As we entered and he was overwhelmed by the colourful packets and choice, I gave him one instruction “you can pick whatever you like, but only one item”

He headed for the Milkybar because frankly white chocolate is the goddess of all chocolates and Ive bought him up to have standards (mainly in chocolate – snot, he just wipes on his sleeve). I looked at the bar version and also the buttons. I noticed that despite both being the same price the buttons were 5g bigger in size. I got down on his level (which in heels is like extreme yoga) and explained that there was more chocolate in the button bag and it was the same amount of pennies…he didn’t care. He held on tightly to the bar. We mooched around the shop and I once again tried to explain that the buttons were ‘ better value’, although I’m still not sure why they were the same price? Obviously, being four and my son (stubbornness is genetic in our family unit) he thanked me for my advice and declined to take it.

We made our way to the till and I was still jabbering about the buttons. We paid, left and made our way to the car. For some reason in petrol stations I like to hold his hand so tightly that the blood drains from his tiny fingers, which is ridiculous as every moving vehicle is doing less than 2 mph…anyway, with seatbelt in place I slightly tore the bar open for him and handed it to him. I then said something about the buttons again and he said “STOP. Mummy in the shop you asked me what I wanted, you said I could pick one thing that I wanted – this is what I wanted

…the world stopped. The guilt filled my lungs and made it hard to breath and at the same time I was engulfed in the over familiar parental guilt that we all feel (most days). I had been so consumed in my intention to teach him about making ‘good’ choices, I’d completely ruined the process of his choice making. The treat of going to the shops (and making it there awake) was ruined by me ear bashing him about 5g of flipping buttons!!! Although deep in my soul I know that quantity and chocolate are extremely important, I knew in that instant that he was right. We spent the rest of the car journey with me empowering his decision; we talked about colour, texture and the all so important taste, we talked about the packet and how not all chocolate is brown. I made sure he knew that I thought his decision was fabulous. 

He then obviously feel asleep and I had a moment of wonder and beauty. That little dude stuck to his guns, he was polite and assertive. He made a decision and in doing so taught me a valuable lesson.

He is little but he is wise.