I hope you find what your heart really needs

This is a personal letter to a dear friend but I’d like to think on some level it speaks to us all.

Stock image, rights aren’t mine.

Dear lovely one,

Wow, whilst this year has been like the 90s TV show The Gladiators and we all just want to get to the final to prove we can complete the The Eliminator (read last two words with a game show voice over) in the quickest time, your show has been a little more challenging. Let down by your team mates and told false promises I can understand you’re hurt. That right is yours.

However, you are no rookie and this life has taken you on many challenging adventures all of which you have completed with love, perseverance and a dash of insanity. I wanted to remind you that you are the Ulrika Johnson / John Fashanu of your life, we all are. You introduce and close each chapter, you tell the tale how you want to. You are the presenter and director and nobody can alter that.

I was reflecting this morning on our friendship and realised that you are magical at manifesting. The woman who’s womb was like a crumbling cave made an awesome baby that nobody thought possible. The woman who in the face of some toxic relationships left with her heart full and kind words spoken.

When we lead with love we often attract more into our lives and this is my wish for you. I realise you are only moments into this new chapter and there are many hurdles ahead but I wanted to remind you that nobody, no law and no restrictions can interrupt a woman on a mission. Surround yourself with people who support you and quieten the ones who doubt. I personally will be chanting from the side lines (probably with one of those pointed over sized foam hands) for your success. I’ll continue chanting until you reach your destination. You see you get to pick your audience too and your ‘G-force’ (the cheerleaders name from the game show), remember we are far more resilient when needed, I surprise myself most days.

Whilst there are steps to your next haven, hurdles to overcome ‘The wall’ will be high and ‘Hang tough’ might even try to break you, but I know that you are stronger than a game show challenge.

Much like the quote I began with, I set intentions for you far higher than a location. Beyond ‘The Travalator’ (this was the final challenge in the Gladiators final) I know there will be peace. I hope you find what your heart really needs. To be surrounded by family and love, handled with care and allowed to flourish. I hope the future is kind and that we all have hair like Lightning (serious google that woman’s mane and physique, what an idol). At the moment it’s okay to not know what you need, you have a little one to put first, but in the rare moments of night, or the early hours of the morning silence dare to dream and then watch it unfold.

Much love beautiful x

Humble with a hint of Kanye

Quote Anon

This week we said hello (and then goodbye) to Friday 13th in 2020. The meme game was high and it made reflect on the year a little, was 2020 really that horrendous? For me personally we have said goodbye to loved ones (not pandemic related), we’ve been affected by the lockdown restrictions and I updated my passport unnecessarily but we’ve also had so many awesome moments. The UK had a summer that seemed to last forever and it was joyful sunny! We used our garden and lockdown gave us family time that I couldn’t have imagined possible. I stepped over fear and went for an interview on zoom (so 2020) got the job, that led to a huge lifestyle change and well…there were a lot of good moments weaved in between.

In the last few weeks of 2020 make sure you’re your own hype man, don’t get caught in only reflecting on this year in a negative manner. All years, months and days have contrast of both good and bad moments, in fact I’ve learnt from experience that sometimes laughter in the darker moments is all the more precious. Some years are a little sweeter and now as it turns out, some have memories of banging on pans with wooden spoons and not seeing extended family as much as we would have liked.

But we’re still here, unless you’re reading this from beyond the grave, which would be pretty cool. We are still here and we still have time to create more awesome memories and remember this year with some Kanye flair – he ran for president, which lets me honest is both bold and so Kanye. Imagine if the world had as much self esteem as Mr West, although as the quote suggests a little humbleness often goes a long way too and it’s a delicate balance. Here are a few quotes from the man himself.

“For me to say I wasn’t a genius would just be me lying to myself and you”

“Everything I am made me everything i am” nope I don’t understand this either?

“I feel I’m too busy writing history to read it”

Then every now and then he says something that makes me cherish 2020 a little more…

“The only luxury we have is time. The time you get to spend with your family” count your blessings as much as you count your hardships and when the New Year’s Eve bells ring you can step into 2021 with gratitude (and a dash of relief)

Beauty is in the mind and not in the mirror

Quote from me! @fridgesays

I feel like every bathroom facility across the globe that has basins with mirrors above should have this around it. As I typed the quote out I internally thought, I know that but I’m not sure I always implement it.

For this reason, today’s post is a reminder that you are unique. You are beautiful. You have features that are superior to others and flaws that make you an individual. When we look at images from silicone valley or we forget that people in the media’s eye often use more filters that Lego have made plastic blocks, be kind to yourself and how you talk to yourself.

Sometimes I feel good in certain outfits at other times they feel like they don’t reflect how I feel and can have the opposite effect.

I can purchase beauty products, buy new clothes, exercise, sleep, eat well and at the end of the day look in the mirror and feel mortified by what I see reflected back. When you catch yourself giving yourself a hard time, you need to become your own fairy god mother – we all should go to the ball. If a girl with pumpkins and rats can do it, I’m sure we all can. I’m a woman with a goldfish, a gecko, a dog, two African snails and a tank of stick insects.

Here’s my godmother recipe:

First, stare in the mirror and laugh at how privileged you are to have a mirror.

Next, step back slightly and decide whether the lighting is doing you any favours or is it more like a light box game from the 1980’s, remember not all light is flattering.

Step three: Like a good friend, reason with yourself. How’s the day gone? Does the frizzy hair represent the rainy school run, are the bags under your eyes due to night feeds and are the spots hormonal? if so..remind yourself that you succeeded to collect your child from school, feed your child and that hormones are a sign of health.

Challenge time, rather than focus on the spots, frizzy hair and bags under the eyes. Look in the mirror and pick THREE features you love. Perhaps it’s your laughter lines that remind you of good times, or your lips, maybe you like your hair up, down or are just glad you found time to wash it.

Lastly, look at your features and think about your loved ones. Do you have the same eyes as your Dad, the curve of your nose is the same as your daughters, how blessed we are to have reminders so near to us…unless your family are douche bags in which case casually miss this step.

Lastly and totally nonnegotiable…create time for some self care. A hot bath child free, a hair wrap or time to do your nails…because like this post stated at the beginning, your beautifully perfect just the way you are and deserve to be treated so.

Do something your future self will thank you for

Quote Anon

Hey lovelies.

Last night we had an amazing full blue moon, which means we were blessed with two full moons in October. Plus Halloween showed up lockdown style and in the UK Boris killed the party with news lockdown the sequel will be released later this week. *nobody likes sequels

Emotions are high, energy patterns seem confused and I’m sat here on a Sunday morning snuggled in a warm towel. This may not seem something necessary for me to share but for those that know me – things have changed.

You see I believe in creating pockets of joy in everyday. Self care is my shadow and I often make negotiable (dependant on the days demands) moments of self love everyday. With my cup full I’m in a great position to serve those I love. Sunday evenings however are non negotiable – a luxurious, child free pampered bath is my ritual. It helps me prepare for the week ahead and involves exfoliating, hair masks, nails, candles, fancy drinks in fancy glasses – the full spa package. Except it’s 10am and I’ve just got out of the bath….

I never understood day bath people. Draped in my fluffy white towel I’ve now become one. I told you things had changed.

I woke up and went downstairs and somehow between my cosy duvet and the reality of another rainy day in the UK I got cold. When I get cold, unlike Elsa everybody hears about it but not in an empowering Disney song kind of way but in a possessed protagonist demon way. It ruins my day and everyone I come into contact with. I sat back on the bed and decided to do something that would make me happy…I’d just had breakfast so didn’t have space for another cup of tea…then the answer came. Why wait until evening for my bath, why delay the delight? Having a bath is something my future self would thank me for, I’d be warm, happy and then align with more joy throughout the day. I turned the taps on to the bath and began an internal argument with myself…‘I never had a bath in the morning unless I’m ill. Who am I? Is this a lazy / waste of day thing to do? The negative doubt continued but the aroma of the bath oils and bubbles (yes I mix both together) called me in.

In the tub with no rubber ducky in sight (rule one of Mum bath club – no kids, no toys, no plastic) I realigned with the joy that the bath gave me and knew instantly I’d made the right choice.

Now as my future self sat on the edge of my bed, fully moisturised and waiting for the my skin to turn back to a normal shade (I love my baths ridiculously hot) I knew I’d made a positive difference and I’d turned a dreary Sunday into a blissful day of hope. I’d also reminded myself that I’m in charge of my own happiness and that sometimes we don’t do things just because we ‘don’t do things’ like morning baths and that’s stupid. Sure, next Sunday normality will be resumed with my evening ritual but for now my happiness is topped up and that’s good enough for me.

My bathing example may seem ridiculous and it probably is, but however small or large the changes in our life need to be to make our future self happy – do them without hesitation. Lose the weight, buy the car, save the money, eat the cake, marry him/her, go on the journey, take a pay drop to do the career you always dreamed about, prioritise you’re happiness in the future. ‘You’ may just thank you in the future, also don’t be surprised at how small somethings that make us happy are.