Quote from Regina Daniels

Growing up around many different kind of women and then blossoming into one myself, I’ve learnt many things about beauty.

Firstly, I noticed that the women in my life that didn’t love their body shapes didn’t look in mirrors. At least, not large full length creations. Instead small and practical mirrors were used ‘when necessary’ and for practical purposes.

Another woman taught me that beauty was something to aim for, but because it was aspirational but that if you had time to worry about appearances, blemishes and colour combinations then you probably didn’t have many worries in your life.

If I combine these two thoughts alone, then I think that this quote might be slightly off track. I believe that beauty doesn’t start in the mirror and nor does it start in the head. In my heart is where I store my compassion, love and respect. These are needed as a foundation when glaring at self. What you see isn’t always how you perceive your reflection to be and it may tell as different story to the one in your head. Scars can tell magnificent stories of triumph and bravery but they can also bring sadness, despair and shame. Of course to alter the story and be comfortable in your reflection you need to rewire your brain to reframe the memory and this can take time.

Beauty isn’t usually as superficial as the world might let us believe, we often find beauty in unique traits, the small details and the imperfections of others. We often struggle internally to give ourself the same compassion.

When I was 13 years old I was at a party and a boy told me that I couldn’t dance as well as my friend. Instantly I felt scorned, judged and ugly, my instant reaction was to hide. However, I come from a loving home and was raised on a pedestal. I have always psycho analysed behaviour traits in myself and others since forever. I allowed the boy to ruin the party for me, I did stop dancing and I went home early. At home I thought about the minute details of the dancing I had done and what I need to do to improve, then it occurred to me…who the fuck does he think he is? How dare a boy who I barely knew feel he could judge me? By this time, I was fuming and angry that I’d allowed someone I had never invested in, ruin my evening. I don’t believe in holding on to negative energy, I never have and so at school on Monday I approached the boy in my English class (he sat directly in front of me) at the end of the lesson and I asked him if he had enjoyed the party and importantly if he was ok? Confused, he stated that the party was ‘ok’ and that he was fine. I reminded him of the comment he had made to me and that I thought it was odd he had commented, as we weren’t friends and I didn’t realise he was a dance teacher, I ended the rant (to which the boy just stared at me) by thanking him for having my best intentions but that as I was already attending dance classes I wouldn’t require his input in future.

My appearance is nobody else’s concern (unless I’ve once again forgot to put a coat on, then even middle aged I may still need my Mum to remind me), how I dance is nobody else’s concern, I can decide to absorb other peoples views of me, or simply thank them for their time and move on. When I look in the mirror I can choose to view myself with love or criticism. What do you choose?