quotes to inspire

Little me would save me to her Pinterest board

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Firstly, a little homage to Pinterest; the little app that I’ve been loving for decades that isn’t trying to be like every other app…contently making boards and window shopping for visually pleasing or specifically themed images forever. I love it! My favourite thing about Pinterest is the secret boards – just for me. Not everything has to for the world, sometimes a little secret board fills my soul of whimsy images and joy.

This blog picks up a lot of traffic from Pinterest, as I upload each post weekly…feel free to join the Pinterest page at: https://pin.it/1uLD19eb6 and follow the fridge journey.

So why would little me adore forty year old me? I think about little me a lot; her likes, joys and hopes. At four years old I wanted to be a teacher when I was older – done!

When I put my sparkly jelly shoes on (no straps, cheeky little heel)…I know little me approves. These are what she wore and would take a full day of summer holidays dedicated to finding. The more glitter the better.

What I wear, do, places I go are often mentally approved by little Lucy. A pink princess who loved Care Bears, Shera and Roland Rat knew her own mind and wasn’t influenced by others, and nor am I now. Of course we evolve, grow up, develop and learn…but I’m truly at my happiest doing things little Lucy enjoyed too…being in nature, playing in water, snuggling dogs (although Little Lucy went through a fear of dogs when a dog down our street ran off with one of the sparkly jelly shoes mentioned above – luckily Mummy ran after the dog and returned victorious, whilst I sobbed in shock that the fluffy ball of joy robbed me), not much has really altered. I still enjoy baking, reading, nature and all the little Lucy elements of life.

Connecting with our inner child isn’t just for people in counselling, it honours ourselves and who we are, our journey.

At around three years old, I had an invisible friend, well husband called Steve. He was an electrician and went to work on a aeroplane, mainly to Africa. If a plane went over head I would remark on whether Steve was on board, heading home or off to Africa for a shift. My forever Mr F is sadly not called Steve, or an electrician- but when we met he did go to Africa for work! *Did little Lucy know? I doubt it but it made for a good serendipity chuckle.

Give time this week to do something the little you would adore, perhaps a historically favourite snack (dolly mixtures), watch a favourite show (Snoopy and Charlie Brown) and honour the littlest version of you, for she/he is your foundation of all things good. Enjoy

I could explain, but I won’t

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

All behaviour has a function. Its the fundamental rule of being a behaviour specialist, even if it’s subconscious and we don’t realise it, every behaviour is learnt and repeated to receive a desired affect or to make us feel a certain way or gain something from those around us.

As long as we don’t cause distress to others we are only accountable for our behaviour to ourselves. This allows us to be free in our authenticity and often results in us creating goals and habits that help us achieve them. Issues occurs when we don’t align our behaviour/actions with our outcomes.

Consistency is often missing from goals and if we reflect back to a period of time when we did that habit for the longest period, it’s logical that that’s when we saw the most success. Take exercise as an example- perhaps you ran consistently all of last summer, got injured in the early Autumn and from then on your consistency due to weather, pain and resting became inconsistent – you don’t need to start again from scratch, you need to analyse the pattern of last year, what worked well? Running first thing in the morning (do more of that), what didn’t work well? Not enough rest days so injury occurred and excuses if it was raining (do less of that)…so now we can create an improved routine – morning runs every three mornings, then a day off – repeat indefinitely with no weather excuses… when we make that nonnegotiable our experience a consistently improved is our outcome. If we want long term success with that goal, then we will need to analyse that behaviour pattern again every few months, life happens and things change – perhaps you change jobs and can no longer run in the mornings, you have a baby in the house and sleep deprivation means rest days need to become more frequent for a period of time.

Humans become stuck when we consistently run old patterns of behaviour that no longer serve us but we do it for one simple reason ‘we always have’ or we don’t react to new circumstances, such as age, life style changes or outside factors such as family illness that have a knock on affect to us.

Take time out over the next few weeks to reflect on your current patterns and which are serving you and which you may need to alter. And remember if it makes sense to you and doesn’t hurt those around you, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your actions. Do you – that’s your super power.

We already have enough

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

This week I’m sharing with you a lesson I taught myself this week…honestly, it felt like I’d slapped myself in the face.

Last night I was scrolling on Instagram and found a reel of a woman who was doing a food challenge. The challenge consisted of seeing how long she could eat out of the food already in her house, rather than top up shop every few days. In the reel (it was about day seven) she was substituting ingredients such as cream with yoghurt or peas for frozen broccoli, I don’t follow the person online but scrolled up to see how many days she’d be able to do the challenge for. I was shocked to see it ended on day ten, in fact even on day ten she’d bought some chicken to go with her evening meal…regardless I was surprised because she hadn’t taken the challenge to her own discomfort eg. Day 10034 and I’ve eaten a teaspoon of jam and a pickle. instead, she feedback that she’d realised how privileged we are. We don’t necessarily cook with the ingredients we have, instead the consumer culture encourages us to have want we want to eat and if we don’t have it, it’s easily purchased in an accessible store.

As someone that does a large family shop each month and then frequents local stores several times a week for one or two things this resonated with me. Mainly, as those one or two things becomes much larger and I end up purchasing ‘treats’ and food that we don’t necessarily need.

I was still thinking about this concept the next day and decided I would make it my next blog. Home alone I was saying out loud what I would write and how I would structure the post, planning and scripting as I go, like most working parents I did this whilst also baking. I make most of our meals from scratch and a regular in my baking cycle is sourdough and homemade Soreen, Half way through adding my ingredients for the Soreen into my mixing bowl I realised I was out of dried fruit. How could I be talking about not over consuming whilst also thinking about when I could nip to the shops for some dried fruit! The ingredients (minus the dried fruit) were in the bowl – it was too late to not make it? That said Soreen without mixed fruit is well.,, brown mush?

I double checked my larder in hope that a bag of dried mixed fruit might appear when the slap to my face hit me…I didn’t have mixed fruit but I did have some dried cranberries and some (potentially passed their sell by date) raisins…I could adapt.

That’s exactly what I did. The slap felt huge mainly as I was learning about privilege and entitlement in that very same moment that my instinct was hardwired to ‘I’ll pop to the shop and get some’

Whilst I can’t promised I’ll succeed, I am resolute in trying to change this programming. We can make do, we can use alternatives and I believe it will take repetition to alter my mindset but it’s something I’m committed to trying and would encourage you to try too!

Lastly, of course the cranberry and raisins worked beautifully and my family didn’t even notice the difference.

Sometimes soft girl, sometimes dinosaur

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

As I read this quote I took it to mean, sometimes princess and sometimes warrior…I’m now reflecting that perhaps it meant sometimes young and sometimes old. Well, we haven’t time for aging – far too much life to experience! That leaves us with soft girl and ferocious beast. I am both, we all are. We aren’t one dimensional beings, we are complex hypocritical, emotionally vulnerable and sensitively beings. We are making this crazy thing called life work and some days we do better than others.

I have never grown out of climbing trees – trees are calming and fun and the views are often better than you think. I hope I never grow out of climbing trees. The other day it was sunny, I had a plain white T-shirt on and a peach coloured tutu with white converse. We had decided to go out for a spontaneous evening walk. The forest was covered in dapple light and fading bluebells hanging on to their last moments of bloom. As we made our way through the woodland I saw a tree that needed to be climbed. Under my tutu (I work in schools) I had on some cycling shorts to avoid any awkward blusters of wind. The boys said I shouldn’t climb the tree as I might rip my skirt….the soft dress girl internally roared and I hoisted my tutu into my shorts and climbed the tree. Imagine a ball of candy floss climbing a tree… that was me. When I got to the branch I’d set my eyes on I released my skirt and let it lightly blow in the wind…I am both soft and dino roaring. Making my way down was a little difficult until I threw my tutu down ahead of me and popped it back on when I was ‘back on solid earth’ – some fights aren’t worth having.

You are not one thing and you get to decide what you want to be. You can be brave and scared – most adults are. You can be soft and hard – we are walking contradictions and it’s this simple act that makes us interesting to live alongside. We can do what we please and yes of course we have to live with the consequences but often if we are true to ourselves the consequences are easier to live with. Don’t let people tell you who to be, how to be or what to do, you aren’t a robot and your super power is that you are uniquely you, so wear the tutu and climb tree.

I am a mosaic of everyone I’ve ever loved

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Quote Anon

Initially, we are heavily influenced by our parents, not just our DNA but our homes environments cultures, traditions and how we approach basic tasks; in some houses you remove your shoes, others you pop on slippers, some bare feet survices…some sit at a table to eat together, others join in unison on the sofa. In turn, as we grow we subconsciously absorb these as our own, not just how we do things but how we think, our moral compass and often our beliefs,

The influence doesn’t stop there, many children and teens want their hair styled and clothes to look like celebrities they admire. As a little person of the eighties I always loved a pair of patent shiny boots with sparkles on them and titled them appropriately as my Michael Jackson boots, my friend once got her hair cut like Posh spice (she regretted it for months) and I think every teen of the early nineties styled their hair like Rachel from the TV show Friends.

We are made up of what we have seen, who we spend our time with and what we hold close to us. We really are mosaics of those we love.

As our loved ones pass on, I like to think that they continue in the mosaics of those they leave behind. Some bring colour, others intricate design – some leave cracks and others leave very little.

In life we can love and by proxy, pass on small parts of ourselves. Strangers can be influenced by the kindness and compassion of people, and in turn we may pass on mosaic pieces without even realising it. Life really is a large floor plan and each piece we add (or deduct) along the way makes for a unique piece of art. May your life be more beautiful than you’d hoped.

I am out with lanterns looking for myself

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Emily Dickinson

What a fabulous quote. I had to pop it on the fridge, it has a frivolous feeling and yet feels deep and tender, with a twist of romance…

It doesn’t matter how much you know yourself, take time to align and balance the various elements of life…sometimes we get lost or forget what brings us joy or what we need to say no to. Each stage of life brings new joys and challenges, things that once bought us joy can feel like they are causing us to drown and at times new experiences can offer new perspectives, if we are open to receiving them.

Emily’s quote expresses the need to shine the light on the dark areas of life, the ones we hide away due to shame or overwhelm, the bits of us that live in the shadows because ‘shining a light’ on the issue then involves us having to do something about it. Facing fears sounds hugely dramatic but often we know that there are daily small tasks we should tackle but often pop into our shadows. In the shadows these small tasks can multiply, small leaks become floods, chipped paint that could be sanded and repainted in minutes becomes a bigger issues that requires sections to be replaced. I know this because I have a plethora of tasks hidden in my shadows. One of the stupidest tasks that I hate doing is washing the kitchen floor, however I have learnt time and time again that it takes under 15 minutes and makes me feel seriously satisfied- it’s a stupid task because I know all of this and still put it off, perhaps on reflection I’m stupid and the task is basic.

As we step into a new season and spring beckons us in with a daffodil of joy and a sprinkle of sunlight to inspire us, it’s time to reflect on where we are in our own journey, each season often needs us to adjust our sails and this quote reminds us where to focus our attention, obviously mine includes the kitchen floor but also other goals such as a consistent exercise routine and making myself accountable in other areas. Sometimes it’s not action that is required, often it’s rest. At other reflective moments we realise that we need to rebalance the time we are spending on one activity and redirect action in another area – it’s not more, it’s just different. As we head into spring where do you need to shine your lantern, where can you see gains that are currently stagnant? They’ll always be shadows when there is light, you don’t need to tackle it all today, but you don’t want the darkness to consume you either.

We remember moments

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Cesare Pevese

As a parent I’m good at creating moments for my son. Spontaneous moments, magical moments or disbelief moments ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ – this is who I am.

It began with my son’s hairdressers appointment in a local village to us. He is often reluctant to go, but honestly it’s been so long since his last appointment that he looked like a Lego man and even he recognised that it wasn’t a desirable vibe. As we were leaving the house my spontaneous magic decided to take our tortoise with us, it was a sunny day and I thought he’d enjoy it, plus the hairdresser has a lovely little garden attached to it for him to explore. We got in the car and my son took care of the tortoise, im spontaneous but I’m not a ‘tortoise and drive’ kinda woman. I’m always early for appointments so we had half an hour for my son to grab a meal deal and we browsed the local shops, we went into one shop and as the shop sold food, I popped the Tortoise in my handbag, I didn’t want to upset anybody and frankly he loves a dark hole.

My handbag is a little extra (see Instagram reels for more details) but it has an old fashion telephone handle attached to it. In the shop was another mother and son, the boy was about seven and he noticed my bag. He muttered something about it to his Mum and I said ‘It cool isn’t it, want me to blow your brain – the phone works’ he smiled and his Mum complimented the bag. I looked at the little boy and said ‘If you really want you brain blown I have a tortoise in my bag’ – at this point the boy looked at his Mim confused and I have to agree it’s not an average thing to hear. I carefully took Nathaniel out (that’s out Tortoise’s name) and the boys smile exploded across the shop. It was huge. He began to giggle and I asked if he’d like to hold him, he did and as he handed the tortoise back to me I wished his Mum and the boy a wonderful weekend.

As we walked over to the hairdressers where Nathaniel snoozed in a sun spot content with life’s offerings, my son remarked on how happy the boy had been. He joked I was like Mary Poppins and we giggled about Nathaniel spreading joy. We wondered if he would remember it in disbelief, or tell other people and it seems like a magic trick. My son thinks he’ll probably badger his Mum for his own Tortoise.

Either way, we spread a little joy and created a beautiful moment for a little boy. I should probably add we often take our pets on adventures but always with their comfort and safety first. Perhaps you have had a similar experience or feel inspired to share some joy. It’s doesn’t have to be the same as our experience, maybe it’s just paying a compliment to someone who needs to hear they are beautiful, or appreciating a moment with a stranger. Spreading joy and taking time to interact with the world around you is the best way to make unplanned memories of magic.

Life is one big tasting menu

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from fridgesays

Little people say the best things and I am currently working with the sassiest five year old. This week she taught me all about ‘my menu’ and I’m sharing this little tale in hope that it helps you reflect on your life menu.

The classroom assistant was passing around a bowl of fruit for snack time and when it got to Miss Sass she politely declined the offer of a Pear by flicking her ponytail and saying ‘that’s not on my menu, thank you’ – the assistant misunderstood her and said ‘xxxx, Pears are what we have today’, but Miss Sass stayed in her own lane and stated again ‘Pears are in your menu but not mine’

True to her nickname, she remained polite with a pinch of sass but reminded me about boundaries. Of course, she was actually trying to say she didn’t want a Pear, having seen her lunchbox I would guess a sugary treat was on her menu, but actually just because something is being handed out doesn’t mean we need to except it, especially if it isn’t on our menu. By this, I’m referring to larger life issues than Pears – when a person cuts you off in traffic, you don’t need to retaliate and allow their action to drop your vibe. When someone is gossiping, you don’t need to join in, you don’t need to follow the crowd because being authentic serves you and everyone around you. Often I fall out of alignment due to how those around me act, not my own mood or thoughts.

Since hearing about Pears not being on the menu, I’m wondering if I need to look at my own values and beliefs. Am I rejecting what doesn’t align with me or am I getting caught in other peoples tasting menus? Personally, I’m always a pink lady over a pear kind of person, so here’s to declining Pears and going without – less is more when you surround yourself with your own menu.

Magic is all around you

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Quote original from fridgesays

If you choose to see it, magic indeed is everywhere. In this week’s blog I’m going to tell you about the hazelnut ‘tree’ but first let’s set a context. In the UK, with the exception of one blue sky joy day – it’s rained. Grey Sky’s, potholes and misery have taken over the landscape, the trees are bare and everything is muddy, miserable and did I mentioned it’s rained a lot?

In February and March the hazelnut bush or tree (the world seems divided on this) produces catkins that hang from its branches. You can pick a few for a cuppa – thanks to its magnesium, iron and calcium packed nutrients it’s super good for you, although does taste like your drinking ‘the outdoors’, recently I discovered that these are the male part of the plant…over dramatic and droopy they swing from the plant looking like fancy tree earrings but the magic is just behind the catkin…(if you peek and choose to see the magic) behind each catkin is the female part of the plant. Its tiny bud gets fertilised as the wind pushes the catkins pollen towards the bud. Seems like usual fertilisation? It is BUT the bud is beautiful! It’s like a red and pink tropical flower, it does not belong in rainy grey UK conditions, and most adults walk past it without even noticing it.

Since learning about the hazelnut tree I always make time to stop and check out the stunning flowers, blooming despite the grey and damp surroundings.

Perhaps this isn’t your abracadabra kind of magic, but looking for joy and unexpected delights is a way to increase the magic of March. Feel free to share in the comments below any my wish for you this week is that the pot holes of life aren’t on the roads you travel.

Makeup is art, beauty is spirit

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Dear son,

Approaching thirteen you asked me a question and I’m not sure I did the answer any justice. Instead, I’ve taken some time to scribble my words on the page and now I’m ready to share my answer.

You explained that the girls in your school are plastering on make up, drowning themselves in phenoxyethanol and benzophenomes (your high ability science and I don’t know what these are, but I get the gist), you told me the girls randomly stick mini stickers in the shape of stars, hearts and mushrooms that are meant to hide blemishes but as you eloquently point out, instead draw attention. You finish your confused monologue with ‘all to impress boys and Mum – we don’t like it’

This is what I wished I had said in that moment. It’s not about you. It’s never for boys.

My own story with makeup means you have seen very little modelled on your Mumma. I taught in an all girls school for over eleven years and began this in my mid twenties. I arrived at work daily with a face full of concealer, foundation, blush, mascara, sometimes eyeliner, sometimes eyeshadow and realised that as I preached at the front of the assembly hall on topics of self love, how as young women my girls should love themselves and not worry about others, I was hiding behind a mask myself. Realising my hypocrisy I scaled down my make up operation. I taught makeup-less most days, added concealer when required, a whisp of mascara when desired…but mainly I taught from a place of authenticity. I’m very blessed that my self love is high and doesn’t rely on external products. That isn’t the same for everyone.

Makeup can be fun and on a special occasion I will often use a variety of different shades to ‘enhance’ my features. That said, I have never once dressed or put makeup for boys. I don’t think your father notices if I wear mascara or not. I’m pretty certain he doesn’t, as I can come back from the hairdressers with a full head of highlights and he asks where I’ve been, it’s likely he doesn’t even know what mascara is. It’s never to attract boys, because you are right – generally, the male gaze isn’t keen on makeup.

The girls in your school are working out who they are. This is a deeply personal matter and society has added makeup as a step from girls world to womanhood. Like it or not, it’s there and it’s complex. For some it is a mask, it’s hides deep insecurities and for others it’s frivolous fun. Make up can come with a thousand connotations that as a boy – are none of your business.

If anything, the girls in your school are putting makeup on for other girls. I often dress for my female friends, I always dress to express and I always wear what I want…again with my content confidence I don’t worry about others nor if the outfit and the setting are appropriate and I’ve been cold more often that not because I always forget a coat and never dress practically. But I am happy…cold but happy. All of what I wear and how I present myself is my business.

The issue currently for you is that most girls are appalling at putting on makeup. Like, really bad. They are at the stabiliser part of riding a bike, it gets better in time but falling off in terms of makeup can look horrendous. If you had seen the drawn on eye brows of 2011 you to would have known where Crayola got this inspiration for the chiselled tip . In 2006 I taught in Essex and the fake orange tan smell across the school could put year nine boys to sleep – it may sound stereotypical but the previous white collared school shirts where autumnal shades of orange and brown were a very real thing. But it’s not your business. As their teacher it’s not my business.

What someone adds to their body is their concern only. All that matters is that you treat yourself with respect. By treating yourself with respect that in turn means you allow kindness to be spoken from your lips. If you see contours on a girls face that look like she’a playing cowboy and Indian’s – you do not need to say anything. You don’t even need to compliment a girl who has clearly invested hours of YouTube ‘how to’ videos and looks stunning…it’s still none of your business. You may become close to that girl or perhaps even be her boyfriend – still none of your business. Other peoples faces and fashions are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Instead, I can tell promise it gets better. The girls will take off their makeup stabilisers and learn how to blend, purchase the right products for them (and not something pushed by Tik-Tok algorithms ) in time the makeup in the room will feel less ‘loud’ to you. It’s just a phase and my gorgeous boy, puberty will have its own pathway for you, focus on you and always remain kind.

Love Mum x