Love

The tongue weighs nearly nothing but few people can hold it

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

For readers that know me personally this might be a ‘pot /kettle’ kind of quote. I often lack the filter between my brain and my thoughts and with close people I can often over share. However, I was drawn to this quote for another reason.

Recently, I learnt a lesson that has since altered my perspective of human interaction. I was in a situation where I felt that someone needed to apologise for their behaviour, in general this human is frequently inconsiderate and rude. The interaction was via text (not someone close to me) and I sent the message in the politest tone I could. What came back to me several hours later was a message with no apology and a ramble of excuses, upon reading the text it was also rude and it lit a flame of fury inside of me. Until I realised that any interaction I’ve had with this human has been vile, why would this situation be any different? Why would a person who is inconsiderate be considerate in response?

The lesson is just this, we often expect others to handle situations the way we might, we push our values and societal expectations on others and then…we are shocked when people don’t meet our baseline. A person at a bus stop pushing in front of others, people that litter, people who don’t hold doors for others, narcissists being selfish…the list goes on. The reality that I realised was that perhaps the insane person in this scenario was me. I wouldn’t expect a person who speaks another language to understand English with no support. I wouldn’t expect a toddler to be articulate with their needs and desires. Why would I expect someone who is inconsiderate to act with consideration?

Learning this lesson made me feel instantly relieved. Often interactions with others don’t work out well and that’s ok, this serves two purposes 1) These aren’t your people – keep walking. 2) Interactions are often more about the other persons state of being than you. As such, don’t take it personally.

Holding your tongue isn’t always productive, it can quickly lead to storing negative energy in your body and that often leads to poor health, that said if you can let the negative interaction go whilst holding your tongue, walking away and feeling better – sometimes silence can be the best solution.

The pen is the tongue of the mind.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Miguel de Cervantes

I began this blog on Boxing Day 2014 and have been writing weekly since.

Rarely do I miss a week, but sometimes life has to take priority. There have also been periods of time where I have posted several times a week or the odd spontaneous post that bursts out and needs to be immediately shared. Whilst I would be the first to say that some posts are better than others, some that are repetitive in meaning or vibe…I’m proud of this little corner of the internet. Today, I wanted to share some aspects of the writing process.

Magical memory: I often have no memory of writing posts when I read them back, many are as unique to you the first time reader, as to me the creator. I don’t often read my posts but when I do I’m often surprised by my own thought process. I’m sure within the literature world this has an official term, but to me it’s magical. I initially began the blog as I had an all consuming nine month old baby at the time and needed a place just for me. I’ve always been creative and motherhood didn’t fulfil this aspect of my world. *I also gave birth to a child that’s allergic to craft products, writing and anything ‘arty’ (unless it’s monster related) so knew I needed to look outside the mum gig. That aside, it always fascinates me that I don’t recall writing the words I read back?

I write like I speak: Friends or colleagues that have read my blog has remarked that it’s like listening to me chat with them when they read, again, this probably has an official term but I guess all I’m doing is letting my thought process explode across the screen. It makes sense that it would ‘sound’ like me, after all, everything else I do from the clothes I pick to the food I enjoy all has a sense of me.

It’s cheaper than therapy: I’m very aware that my target audience when writing is often me. Whilst this may sound selfish, I know from comments that the blog often resonates with others but like most things I honestly need to write, like you need to hydrate or relax in-front of the TV. Typing away and fulfilling my duty of completing my weekly post is something I need to do, so even when family life gets frantic my self care process is to find a few minutes to set aside to write to you guys. I often end up writing what I need to acknowledge in my own world, or thoughts that resonate with my experiences at the time of writing.

Give it a go: When I began the blog it was the social media thing to do, most people read blogs about most topics, a little cliche at first, I had a mild case of inferior complex but now it part of my routine. Like most people who have passions, I would certainly encourage you to give it a go. If you ever wanted to write – do it! For me, it gives me a place to leave my thoughts, usually with a positive message or meaning that I hope leaves you the reader feeling a little more seen or less alone in a world that can often be negative. I also enjoy the comments you leave and if I’m honest the stats some posts receive and the places in the world people read it.

Thank you for taking the time to read, especially to regular readers. Extra special thanks to my Mum who has been my editor since day one…and spelling or punctuation issues blame her 🙂 Again, if you think 2024 might be the year you give writing a go, I strongly encourage you to, it’s cheaper than therapy and you may just help others by sharing your knowledge or writing points of interest.

Beauty starts in your head not in the mirror

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Regina Daniels

Growing up around many different kind of women and then blossoming into one myself, I’ve learnt many things about beauty.

Firstly, I noticed that the women in my life that didn’t love their body shapes didn’t look in mirrors. At least, not large full length creations. Instead small and practical mirrors were used ‘when necessary’ and for practical purposes.

Another woman taught me that beauty was something to aim for, but because it was aspirational but that if you had time to worry about appearances, blemishes and colour combinations then you probably didn’t have many worries in your life.

If I combine these two thoughts alone, then I think that this quote might be slightly off track. I believe that beauty doesn’t start in the mirror and nor does it start in the head. In my heart is where I store my compassion, love and respect. These are needed as a foundation when glaring at self. What you see isn’t always how you perceive your reflection to be and it may tell as different story to the one in your head. Scars can tell magnificent stories of triumph and bravery but they can also bring sadness, despair and shame. Of course to alter the story and be comfortable in your reflection you need to rewire your brain to reframe the memory and this can take time.

Beauty isn’t usually as superficial as the world might let us believe, we often find beauty in unique traits, the small details and the imperfections of others. We often struggle internally to give ourself the same compassion.

When I was 13 years old I was at a party and a boy told me that I couldn’t dance as well as my friend. Instantly I felt scorned, judged and ugly, my instant reaction was to hide. However, I come from a loving home and was raised on a pedestal. I have always psycho analysed behaviour traits in myself and others since forever. I allowed the boy to ruin the party for me, I did stop dancing and I went home early. At home I thought about the minute details of the dancing I had done and what I need to do to improve, then it occurred to me…who the fuck does he think he is? How dare a boy who I barely knew feel he could judge me? By this time, I was fuming and angry that I’d allowed someone I had never invested in, ruin my evening. I don’t believe in holding on to negative energy, I never have and so at school on Monday I approached the boy in my English class (he sat directly in front of me) at the end of the lesson and I asked him if he had enjoyed the party and importantly if he was ok? Confused, he stated that the party was ‘ok’ and that he was fine. I reminded him of the comment he had made to me and that I thought it was odd he had commented, as we weren’t friends and I didn’t realise he was a dance teacher, I ended the rant (to which the boy just stared at me) by thanking him for having my best intentions but that as I was already attending dance classes I wouldn’t require his input in future.

My appearance is nobody else’s concern (unless I’ve once again forgot to put a coat on, then even middle aged I may still need my Mum to remind me), how I dance is nobody else’s concern, I can decide to absorb other peoples views of me, or simply thank them for their time and move on. When I look in the mirror I can choose to view myself with love or criticism. What do you choose?

High expectations and deep humanity

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Principle in East Sussex

This week I was given a gift by a friend…this quote. It came from a Head Teacher my colleague was doing a visit with. These five words are how she encapsulated the vision for her school. When I heard these words my neuron pathways lit up like a Christmas tree with way too many lights on it…the ones where you can’t see the tree, basically I was in awe.

This is my new favourite quote and whilst I’ve joked about having it printed on a t-shirt, this is already underway and is waiting to be dispatched.

Taking the quote out of the education system and into any aspect of life, it works. Lets go big with examples first…imagine a world where everyone had high expectations, nobody was thought less of for disability, race, ethnicity or gender…but we look at the individuals journey and circumstances with empathy, we didn’t give out sanctions for children who don’t come to school in the correct uniform because we took time to speak to the individual and help them find solutions to those issues, surely this is the world we’d all love to see our children grow in.

Like all goals I prefer to start off small and then perhaps next week we’ll branch out into world domination.

For yourself, think about an aspect of your life that you’d like to improve on, if you were coaching you, what would you say you needed to do. *honestly, we all know what we need to do, we often don’t do it and hide behind reasons we can’t. Let’s say you’d like to improve your quality of sleep, you could make a list and include some nonnegotiable’s around the topic. For example, you’ll make sure you’re in bed at a certain time and you’re nonnegotiable’s could be that you won’t have your phone or blue light devices in the same room as you, you’ll stop drinking caffeinated beverages six hours before bed time, the list of what you will and won’t do may go on, as will your high expectations for sleep and exquisite sleep hygiene, this will become your daily norm. However, perhaps a full moon, a neighbours car alarm or the stress you also snuggled to sleep with disturbs you’re routine and you wake up beyond tired. Give yourself ‘deep humanity’ speak to the inner child and don’t criticise yourself. You did the best you could, you kept to your nonnegotiable’s, you will do better tonight. Kindness, forgiveness and love are three things we aren’t always great and giving ourselves.

Whilst I can’t suggest all of your sleep patterns will be corrected in a few nights, often these issues are complicated and influenced by many factors, I am going to speculate that your standard would improve and as a result and over time so would your sleep.

If we take the quote back to educational institutions; I am working daily to ensure that schools hold all children to high expectations despite data, life experiences and life chances. If we all thought each child could do better, they would become better. If we raised our standards our children would rise with us BUT only if they felt seen and heard as individuals. Children don’t fit into a policy designed for all, not all have the same lived experiences because children aren’t crayons in a box. But strong policies that do allow reasonable adjustments for individuals, schools that take time to give children a sense of belonging that’s something that is worth writing on a t-shirt close to my heart.

Sometimes miracles are just good people with kind hearts

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from the poet cafe

I adore this quote. It’s true, most of the joy that reaches us, the moments we thought might never happen – they took an army of smaller moments and sometimes people to make happen.

Much like a ripple in a pool of water I’ve always felt that good vibes, happiness and miracles happen because of two ingredients.

The first is belief. Choosing to see the best in life even when you’re aware there are shadows of doubt. You ignore these shadows and give your full attention to the glimmers of joy, you reframe the negative to see the outcome you wish to see. You are not naive to the shadows (this is how they bite you) but you starve them from fear, worry or your attention. You instead feed your soul and perspective with positive energy. Here’s a simple example a neighbour said to me ‘phew it’s too hot today for me’ and I decided to not feed her negative energy, instead I responded with ‘im loving that my washing has dried so quickly – the laundry basket is empty!’ She then responded to my energy and told me about her washing…small moment that add momentum to future miracles.

The second is showing kindness above the every day ‘opening of doors’. I am very proud to have had two friends donate kidneys, one to their spouse and the other to her cousin. The gift of life. WOW if that doesn’t resonate with ‘good people and kind hearts’ although maybe in this example the quote should be ‘good people with kind kidneys’ then nothing can. Actually, we’re all here due to human connection, if we’re lucky we were born by two kind humans in love, with a dash of the miracle of science.

To receive miracles you have to be open to receiving them, you don’t need to plan how they occur or when…just what you’d like to see, feel and become. The rest is patience, belief and usually some good people around you. Spend some time this week thinking about what you’d like to receive, it could be small or big the universe isn’t bothered by size. Just be authentic to your needs and desires. Meanwhile look for the smaller miracles that others miss.

Back to school

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Not really a quote?

I have lived the majority of my life within a school setting, as a result September it a ‘new year’ moment for me, time to reflect and of course purchase new stationary.

With my new diary updated and my fresh pens out of the pot, it’s also a time that I reflect and also establish new goals for the coming ‘academic’ year. This year the little dude is in his last year of Primary school. I’m excited for the opportunities he’ll have and also closing his village school chapter as he spreads his wings (and probably loses all of his new stationary in the process) into secondary school life.

As a result I have a very simple goal. To be in the present. Rather than planning ahead or worrying about things that haven’t happened (future lost stationary) I am going to try and be more present, enjoying and appreciating the moment. We know life flies at a hundred miles an hour and as a parent you do have to make plans ahead of time, certainly as a working Mum I also need several arms completing various tasks at the same time…but pausing and taking in the moment is something we can sometimes over look.

Today (Sunday) my son returned to Rugby training, another season welcomed us in and I realised that the new term had already begun. My plans were to get home, prepare dinner, clean and get organised for the school week ahead…instead I’ve decided to abandon the kitchen chaos and instead, as a family we are going paddle boarding. Why? The sun is out (not something that has been observed much this summer holidays) and I feel the need to drink in the last moments of summer. To capture the most of us as a family in this moment.

To help me focus on the ‘now’ I’m going to move my gratitude diary that I complete every morning to the evening, so that I can reflect on the day and the little moments it holds.

Back to school can mean anxiety for many individuals and if that’s your child, I would recommend getting them to focus on a small part of the day (getting ready or travelling to school) and taking the day in bite size pieces. When they return home, without sounding too PollyAnna, whilst they might have concerns to share with you it useful to balance out emotions by reflecting on a few moments that they did enjoy.

May I take this moment to thank the staff at the schools that support our young people and wish all the students the best of 20023-24. Education is a gift for those brave enough to embrace it rather than ‘go because I have to’ and with an open mind (hard for some children I appreciate) often it leads to incredible opportunities.

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Vincent Van Gogh

Friday 7th July I went to see the Van Gogh experience. It was made all the more magical not only by the company of a genuine friend who I adore but towards the end of the visit the last few visitors left and we then found ourselves in a private viewing situation. The amount of privilege I felt and the emotion of the experience in itself was overwhelmingly incredible. Truly an experience I’ll remember forever.

Sunflowers

I studied VG as a pupil, perhaps we’ve all painted a sunflower within our education or a starry night? I was aware that he had suffered from a decline in mental health within his life, he had cut off his ear and spent time in asylums, I wasn’t aware of how beautiful he was with words. I also wasn’t aware that he had committed suicide, the exhibition was truly immersive and left me with more questions than answers to relate to my own experience of life.

I realised that what I took away from the exhibition was how valuable relationships are and how a good friendship elevate each other. I do believe that a positive life is made of small sparkles of joy and not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Within 2023 I have made daily practises non negotiable and I’m now in the sweet spot of seeing the benefits. In the beginning the joy wasn’t necessarily there and the art of doing the behaviour felt like a chore on a to do list. Months of consistency and daily effort has created the melting pot of joy that I now feel and the practises of yoga and meditation are something I look forward to appose to another job.

At school I wasn’t particularly sporty, in fact sport was a chore. Despite not being good at it though I did realise that many of the techniques can be taken off of the court / pitch and brought into life. My netball coach always spoke about pivoting, pausing and then launching the ball towards the net. If we imagine the goal post as the ‘end of the match’ on earth, then making small pivots to our achievements seems like a smart way to to achieve a positive outcome. I truly believe it’s the small pausing in life, the reflective moments and the ‘hindsight’ lesson that allow us to move through the court (or life) with precision, purpose and positivity.

Whether in life you are currently pivoting from one direction to another, whether you are in a moment of pause / reflection, know that it’s the small moments of courage, the small moments of joy, the experiences you did take, the small moments of togetherness that make for a wonderful life. For all Van Gogh’s sad experiences he left us much joy.

Sometimes the yoga is just being there

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Back in February of this year I used my blog to make myself accountable, the post was about making time to meditate and how I planned to do so. You can peek back by clicking the blue title below.

Breath. believe. release. receive

The fabulous news is it worked. I have meditated daily without any breaks and even worked around distractions and prioritised when the daily routine got thrown off path. It still makes me feel amazing and starts a bleak cloudy day on a sunbeam vibe. Most days I meditate for forty five minutes.

Therefore it makes sense that my next absolute love is prioritised. Yoga. This bendy and restorative process has been in my life for over twenty years. It began when a wonderful lady in my staff room at school invited me to join the class she went to. The class was in an abandoned church outside Romford and the parking was a nightmare. However, as soon as my body hit the mat and I looked up to the incredible ceiling with the stained glass windows pushing rainbow lights across our torsos…I was hooked and the worlds problems dispersed.

Since then I’ve done a little of everything; classes, on my own, YouTube clips, 30 day yoga challenges, day events and retreats, private instructors…however, in the last couple of years my mat love has died. The motivation to set up and get my flow on just hasn’t been there. I’ve noticed that when I do unsurprisingly my flexibility has reduced and whilst yoga should never be a competitive choice….my soul feels like it dies a little with each ‘I use to be able to do that’.

Yesterday I realise I have two choices, to let it go and accept how it is or to do something about it. Deep down I know I’ll feel better for prioritising it, for making time and for strengthening my body.

So let’s go all in! Daily practise is now a thing…well, starting today. I’m currently sat on my yoga mat in the garden because it’s sunny and in the UK that’s a reason to move the mat outside.

Inspired by this quote I am going to be on my mat daily. Minimally, much like how I began the meditation practise, I’m going to do a five minute sun or moon salutation daily or three stretches, everything else is a plus.

Below are a couple of other things I’m going to try to make my daily commitment to my body’s health and well-being a priority. I’m sharing them in case you too have something similar you would like you make a daily practise

Leave it out: I’m going to leave my equipment out. Over the years I’ve acquired a lot of yoga pieces; yoga chair, blocks, straps and I even had a yoga wheel at one point…however that clutter will drive me mad, so I’m going to just start with my mat. Simple and no excuse. I’m hoping that eventually this will become a more permanent edition to our home and I’ll cultivate a little corner somewhere. I’ve heard that people that reluctantly struggle to get to the gym find it useful to back their gym back the night before or have clothing at hand.

Kind words: I’m going to need to reduce my attitude around what I can do (could do) and attempt to stay in the moment and be kind to myself. The world is hard enough without berating myself. Yoga practise is all about being connected and in the moment, if I can stop the negative chatter, the practice will take care of itself.

Day by day: To achieve my target of daily practise, I’ll work out the night before when I’m going to make time the next day. That way I’ll wake with a clear intention . I would guess in the next couple of weeks I’ll find a natural flow, but my work diary and life commits vary and without this little plan up my sleeve I’ll go to bed without having achieved my goal, exhausted from the day and frustrated with myself.

Ops I did it again: If I do miss a day, I don’t need to ‘make it up’ the next day or give up, or wait until the next week to begin. I haven’t failed. I’m human and being flawed is often part of the process. Should I miss a day I’ll be disappointed but also understand the reason why. The crucial part is getting back on the mat daily after that.

That’s if…that’s the plan. Wish me luck and if you’re also trying to increase daily habits and reduce negative thoughts / actions then join me on my new journey.

The world keeps spinning

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Lyrics from a band called Theory

When I think of the universe and the concept of infinity my mind instantly self destructs. It’s inconceivable to my mortal brain. The idea that 7billion people, plants and the animal world, not to mention the seas and the earth are just on one spinning rock? Somehow perfectly balanced with sun and moon as protective parents, keeping us warm and tucking the tides in, only for earth to push the covers off moments later. You can’t help to feel awe and wonder, that is unless you reflect on the toxicity and destruction the 7 billion people and their ancestors created, then suddenly the world can feel claustrophobic and confusing.

Under the blankets of the cosmos, tucked under earths atmosphere and in a little place I like to call ‘my world’ is me. It’s made up of my perceptions, thoughts, feelings and truths – all of which are far from that but they are at least my own. The choice I make daily are to look for sparkles of joy, to reach for awe and to believe that kindness matters. Often, much like the Earth I contaminate my own world with thoughts that exude fear and worries that niggle in the cracks.

When I was around fifteen years old I remember my English teacher introducing our class to the poem ‘stop all the clocks’ , not only did it resonate with me, much like the world spinning it blew my teenage brain that death had a finality to it…a few years later death knocked on my families door and exposed me to the emotional rollercoaster known as grief. I remember thinking, much like the verses of the poem that it was insane that my Grandad wasn’t here anymore, that whilst our family was organising a funeral, wading through this home and boxing things up destined for new adventures…that other people would go on to live in his house? A new family would knock at the door to visit and another family would nurture his garden, I also knew that the house would never have as sweet bowl a superior as my Grandads sweet tooth.

I remember waiting outside his home for the hearse to arrive, as I looked across the road other people were going about there business, off to work, kids off to school…why hasn’t the clocks stopped? Why hadn’t time stood still? Why is my family hurting and how could the universe still expand, the earth still spin?

This is the paragraph I should give a deep and profound answer to those questions. Alas, I don’t have them. What I do know is all the time I have on this spinning sphere, which in the grand scheme of its existence isn’t much…I can’t let the negativity weigh me down. Instead, I’m going to float and twirl, Im going to keep getting up and I’m going to experience moments where I wish the clocks would stop…but after a deep breath, I’ll recalibrate and keep looking for the joy amongst the cracks, I’ll keep the faith that tomorrow will be better and the world will keep on spinning. If I’m honest I’ll also have the hope that tomorrows spin will be better that today.

Kindness is my go to but fuck off is my wingman

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

In all honesty, gratitude is my go to and kindness is second in line. The wonderful thing about kindness is it often doesn’t financially cost anything, it usually requires a pinch of thought and a dusting of time…but the results often stay with the person you’re kind to forever.

People remember the kind things you did for them, how you made them feel, long after you did them, they often pay them back ten fold and your karma points to joy increase! So why aren’t more humans kind? As I’m not generally a fan of humanity, I think we need to look to dogs to solve this answer. Our dog will snuggle, guard you and clean up your crumbs whenever you’re in need however she is also easily distracted and I think this is the same as humans. We often don’t think to open doors, make gestures of kindness, or even take time to make magical moments happen because we are caught up with our own struggles, time limitations and world.

The quote also refers to boundaries, to saying no and stepping back – for me this is the best side to serve with a heap of kindness. Clear boundaries will allow you to walk away, to not be walked over and to sustain your kindness for another day. People that are kind but lack the words ‘no’ in their vocabulary often feel the burdens of others and an empathetic overload that makes them ill.

January weather in the UK is bleak, grey and often wet…SO I’m launching #kindnessmatters as a hashtag on my instagram stories through the month of January. You can follow along @fridgesays or if you aren’t a social media dweller you can create your own ‘kindness matters’ without…who cares how we show up as long as we do. What do you need to do? BE KIND

Yup that’s is, nothing more and nothing less. Take time each day to do something kind and remember it doesn’t have to cost the earth or be time consuming. This morning as we went out to the car we all ran to one of our neighbours bins that had blown over after collections and wheeled them back to their owners back gates. kindness matters. They don’t necessarily know that we did it but that’s not the essence of kindness, the centre for kindness is in the doing, so let’s make January a little less bleak by showing compassion to others…also don’t forget you can’t pour kindness from an empty cup, so being kind to yourself totally counts.