A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect

Anon

I’ve often wondered how an egg shell can be fragile and crack with ease and at other times be solid enough to bring a baby bird safely into the world, apparently it’s all do with its thickness and shape. Designed to move around in the nest and not get squashed…Mother Nature is an awesome and a mighty force.

As humans we too have shells, you can’t see them but they are present. Some are wrapped to protect people because they’ve experienced harm, they build solid walls around them and it can be hard to communicate with them, let alone create a meaningful relationship. Other are fragile, their shells break with ease and you can see the cracks in their smiles, in the way they walk, perhaps a lack of eye contact or through muffled conversation.

As April approaches I’d invite you to become more dynamic in your shell. In fact, I’d encourage you to have a walk in wardrobe of shells. Much like a hermit crab, we need different level of shells (boundaries) for different situations. Sometimes we need to opt for a thick wall to shield us from the world, solitude has its place, but at times we need to invite others in to share our shells, a large open space where we can mix with ease and light. Of course, we get to choose our shell and the level of shell needed for the interactions. On a day to day basis I would select a kinder egg shell. A thin layer of foil would keep the elements at bay, for those dearer to me (who I let in) we could share my chocolate layer and I’d save the joy (the toy) for myself.

Sometimes we all, much like the hermit crab need to be brave – we need to leave our shells to grow. Bare and exposed we would step out of our comfort zones and this is where we would need to be kind and compassionate. If you see someone leaving their comfort shell, increase respect for them. If you see a kinder egg on the shelf, handle it with care and if it does become damaged, much like each other continue to love it despite its broken parts, after all we all have joy inside of us waiting to be recognised.

What’s coming is better than what’s been

Anon

I’ve wrote similar posts like this before, but I’m a teacher and a Mum so repeating myself is my thing…

In each mundane day there is always something to celebrate. This weekend we step in to February and the completion of my thirty days of yoga. It was a mini challenge that as someone who works full time and runs a home I struggled with. Prioritising the time and having the energy were my main issues BUT I committed and therefore made yoga non negotiable… and I learnt a handful of valuable lessons.

  • A little goes a long way.

By this I mean that each sequence was between fifteen and thirty minutes, by committing daily my core strength improved and my flexibility. I also managed to keep my feet down in ‘down dog’, a move I’ve always found a struggle.

  • I can

Habit has been established and although I don’t plan to continue a daily practice, I do plan to move to alternative days because I love it and I now know I can. Self belief is a fear that often prevents us from even trying

  • Celebrate the little moments

Today I plan to celebrate the completion of my goal with a treat this weekend. As adults we often forget to mark the smaller achievements in life and miss the joy in our growth.

* Update: I had a custard doughnut

  • What’s next?

Through February I want to continue the discipline of every other day yoga works outs, I also plan to attend a three hour meditation and yoga class (with a harp musician playing live!) in March but it’s now time to move on and set myself a new challenge. Referring back to my vision board I’d like to work on self growth. I’m attending a well being festival in mid February which I think will help enhance this and step up my goals manifesting. Mean while I’ll use the next thirty days to read more nurturing books and continue to eat well. Sometimes goals don’t need to be so clear, just setting the intention and looking for opportunities (in this case for self growth) can lead us to unexpected delights and the true magic of the universe at our finger tips.

The start of a new month is a wonderful time to review how 2020 is working out for you. Take time to recharge, realign and never settle for anything less than progress. Remember if things aren’t going so well you can edit them, sure there are often events that occur and are out of our hands but there are so many choices we make daily that we can do something about.

Best of luck and I hope January was kind to you.

It takes grace to remain kind in cruel situations

Anon

We named our first daughter Gracie. It came from my partners love of Jiujitsu, the Gracie family (a surname) are inspirational in the sport and I wanted her to know she is fierce and strong. Grace in the dictionary means ‘effortless beauty, charm of movement’ and this part of her name evokes a softer and nurturing side, a flow of calm. The balance within this name seemed perfect for our first born.

Words have power, they signal clear intentions. However you may want to act or be, other people’s intentions and actions aren’t always in alignment with ours. This often can build hostile and cruel environments, where everybody thinks their way is the best. I’ve noticed it’s a common theme in the school playground and also most work places. Perhaps management or career focused individuals are pushing an agenda that isn’t concurrent with how you view the world. Perhaps your child comes homes with stories from the playground that makes ‘little Alfie’ who seemed lovely when he came for tea that time portrayed as a monster of meanness.

These events are frequent, we are all travelling on our own paths, overlapped by many people on there very different paths. You have two options – roll up your sleeves and show up on the mat of life (much like the Gracie family do), defend your beliefs and take any action necessary. Or you can step back, breath and proceed with Grace.

Much like a Swan, elegant on top of the water, floating with ease but paddling like crazy under the water I think this might be the solution. The Swan knows it’s a Swan, it seems to know it large and often holds its head up high, but the bow in the head shows it’s also humble. When needed it expands its huge wingspan and shows it’s physical power, but mostly it glides with grace knowing it’s self worth. Most importantly, a Swan never tries to be anything other that itself.

If you find yourself in a cruel situation, perhaps led by other people’s agendas. Take a step back and be you. Know your truth, glide and speak with grace…but be prepared to flap your wings only when it truly matters.

Happy swimming

You can start over every morning

Quote Anon

My last post was about vision boards, setting goals and motivation for the year ahead. I mentioned that I had signed up to 30 days of yoga and so far on day nineteen it’s going well, I’ve made it to the mat everyday.

However, I wanted to share a new perspective on motivation. Just because I’m successful in achieving my goal (so far) doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard and doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to skip a session. Last week I was exhausted from work, I got home and put my pyjamas straight on – I wanted to snuggle, until a sentence my friend had said just hours earlier entered my head, she didn’t want to go to her exercise class either BUT was going because she wanted to create the habit… sometimes when we least want to show up is when we actually end up getting the best results. So, sulking like a moody teenager and still wearing my pyjamas I sat on my mat. I was then blissfully rewarded and that days session invited us to wear snuggly clothes, grab a blanket and just breath. Snug in my nightwear and relieved I didn’t have to exert myself it was exactly what my body needed, plus I was rewarded with the satisfaction that I hadn’t created an excuse not to do the session. Sometimes showing up is enough.

However, sometimes like the quote suggests life throws you a problem that you didn’t foresee and it can prevent you from achieving your goals as quickly, for example you are watching what you eat and at a friends they order a take away, this can be the start of the end, from then on a ‘what’s the point’ attitude means biscuits, treats and high fat foods are on the menu. OR you could just see the meal as a celebration, a moment in time and with kind thoughts wake the next morning and return to the healthy choices you previously had succeeded in selecting. I think successful individuals don’t let the hiccups of life get in there way, instead they let them pass and continue on the path they intended.

The voices of failure and that we aren’t good enough are loud for all, it’s deciding not to and when to listen to them that’s the key to achieving your goals. If you did set a goal and so far the plan hasn’t…well, gone to plan. You will wake tomorrow, start again and that’s good enough.

The secret to your future is hidden in your daily routine

Quote Anon

As we stand on the cusp of a new decade I can’t help but both wonder and hope for an abundant 2020

However, I do know for certain that this weeks quote is true. Many people often feel that ‘things will be different’ next year and that challenges will suddenly dissipate.

I’ve always known that life is full of miracles and that the universe often delivers them when you least expect them, the rest is down to small consistent actions. Not even the most confident of people wake up and feel worthy, it takes daily practices, changes in mindset and surrounding yourself with positive people… if you daily fill your body with negative thoughts and foods that you know don’t make you thrive, dis-ease awaits your future.

If you make time to reflect on the contrast that life brings and focus on the good – you magnify abundance. I know because I’ve done both.

It takes daily practise. Setting small goals and sticking to them, it takes lots of little actions that build up to big changes… you can’t fill your mouth with food that you know makes you sluggish and lacks nutrients and expect to feel good about how your body moves and looks.

Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither are we. If you want to live the dream, you have to work and play daily to attract it. But here’s the big secret… it doesn’t matter if you fail. What matters is that you don’t let that small action (it in my case lack of action) determine the next action that you take. 2020 can be the year you’ve dreamed off, it’ll take courage and stepping out of your comfort zone but I promise it’ll be worth it.

Don’t set resolutions that life will be any different, instead take daily actions, create routine that mean each day you’re a little closer to achieving the life you dream of.

Gonna go lay under the tree and remind my family I’m a gift

Quote Anon

It’s the first of December and my tree isn’t up yet – as soon as it is I’ll have a little lay under there. This quote made me laugh and seemed December appropriate, I adore Christmas but can’t get behind it in November, so now the advent calendars doors have begun to open I can fully embrace the spirit of the season.

Truth be told, I didn’t pick this quote for it’s Christmas vibes, but because it said self care to me. I think the Christmas season is an extremely challenging time of year for many people. Anxiety over what to buy people, financial worries for some, others will over indulge in late nights and clinking glasses, immune systems dip and sickness is high, some may even find socialising and busy shops overwhelming, for others it’s the pressure of family gatherings or in complex families it might be making sure everyone gets to spend time with the children.

This is a reminder that you are enough. Whilst the seasonal spirit is about giving, you can’t do that if you haven’t looked after yourself. You are the gift for your loved ones; keep yourself safe, look after your mental health and just like the advent calendar, take the season a step at a time. If you don’t want to be merry – don’t force it, it doesn’t make you bar humbug. If the ‘works Christmas party’ makes you feel anxious, go on your terms – perhaps that just for a while, not drinking or not going.

Take a step back, breath and reflect on what matters to you. If it’s an over extravagant roast dinner and giving gifts that you can’t afford you may have missed the magic of Christmas altogether.

If I reflect on my favourite Christmas moments growing up it wasn’t about the toys or the meal, it was about the people I got to make memories with that are no longer with us, it was midnight mass with my Mum, fairy lights when we drove home from somewhere… okay, I loved the twiglet crisps that came in tubs, the festive films, the paper hats, the cracker jokes and playing board games but none of those things are worth the cost of my wellbeing or my families health, so enjoy the season and all the cheer in a way that lifts your spirit and doesn’t overload them.

When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day

Quote by Ella Woodward

Recently I wrote about a Plot twist that life provided, however new roads are often unpredictable and direction can change in a heart beat, in our case is was due to a lack of a heart beat. * Trigger warning: this post contains my experience of a silent miscarriage.

Several weeks a go myself and the Mr went for our thirteen week scan. As I looked at the screen to our perfectly formed little foetus the Sonographer explained that a lack of growth (baby was only measuring ten weeks) and without a heart beat meant I was experiencing a silent miscarriage. Within seconds my world as I knew it, my hopes for our future family and my past experiences came to haunt me. It was like a unexpected tsunami consumed us. We didn’t have time to grab loved ones, reach for safety or batten down the hatches, we were exposed and out at sea with no warning.

Unlike a conventional miscarriage (if such a thing exists) a silent miscarriage meant I didn’t have any signs or symptoms. My bump was growing, my body thought I was pregnant, but our little munchkin was still.

The Mr carried me home in fragmented pieces, I was broken.

Days became weeks and nothing physically changed. Life felt like somebody else had set it on pause. I’m a tiny package so there was no way I could of hide my bump from people around us, the nurse gave us three horrendous options and while I waited for my surgery date I had another scan to double check for any changes.

This scan gave me so much serenity and peace. The first scan felt like a tsunami; it was fast, destructive and unpredictable…the second scan erased any future fears of being scanned. It was the calm after the storm. Sadly, nothing had changed, baby was still measuring ten weeks and was snug in my first class accommodation but I had time to ask the millions of questions my brain had created in the previous weeks, erase any worries and come to terms with my bodies situation.

Then, Mother Nature woke up (perhaps she takes a break over the Halloween period?) and one night I began to feel cramps, these became painful contractions and a tornado whirled inside me. I was mentally exhausted and it’s hard to let go of your baby when you know the ending isn’t happy ever after. But I did it. We did it. We had prepared for a holistic/natural approach should it occur and we battled the storm.

So what did I learn? That my body is smart and powerful. That it’s a place where miracles are born and that I underestimated its talents. Modern medicine has its place, but during my two previous pregnancies I was told by doctors my baby was a healthy seven and a half pounds…both babies arrived at five pounds nine ounces. However, at ten weeks my body knew that there was a chromosomal issue with this baby. So it stopped it. It turned out the light for us. For it…I realise that the process of a miscarriage is different for everyone but I felt empowered that my body took control, that it slowed everything down and gave me time to let go naturally. That I got to keep that bump for a little bit longer, that I once again was supported by my awesome loved ones…that I am loved.

I learnt that this was only part of our journey, that we will grow from it, reflect on the experience and that it doesn’t have to consume or destroy us.

When you look in the mirror and criticise your size, your shape or the spot that temporarily sits on your face, take a second to look again. You may just see a glimpse of an amazing human who is full of life, who is imperfectly perfect, who is stronger than she/he thinks, who can battle storms and who’s body is full of unappreciative talents. We are all blessed much more than we realise.

*if you’ve been through / are going through a similar issue and need support please see your GP, or contact a charity such as Sands UK (0808 164 3332).

You’re under no obligation to be the same person you were yesterday

Quote Anon

This week was national kindness week. My social media feed filled with acts of love, reminders to be kind and the feel good factor were clear to see.

I don’t think you need to be a genius to know that the world would be better if everyone was kinder BUT perhaps the first person you need to be kind to is yourself.

Everyday won’t always be a good day but there is good to find in everyday. Sometimes it’s a little harder to see but I promise it’s always there. Also, if you wasn’t at your best today – there is always hope for a better tomorrow. We can all alter, change and improve.

What we do find easy to do is dwell on all the things we didn’t do, the list of items I forgot when I went to the supermarket or the things I didn’t do at the end of a long day… but if it was a long day, surely that means I achieved many other things? Or it was complex and emotional and so perhaps I needed to go a little slower. Life is complex and as I’ve written many times, a real rollercoaster of unpredictable events; highs, lows and if you’re living big there is usually a loop the loop in there somewhere.

As the quote says, there is no need to be the person you was yesterday. Events may of changed you or you just might of woken up on the wrong side of the bed…sometimes I rather enjoy a good moan, or a duvet day, a gossip or a sulk. As long as it’s temporary a good wallow can be cathartic.

So in the week ahead, allow ‘you’ to be in the moment, speak kindly to yourself and know that in each moment, each high or low…it’s temporary and you’re human. Sometimes the best moments of a ride are the scary parts that you courageously stepped towards.

You’re doing the best that you can and nobody can ask for more than that, not even you.

Worry is a misuse of Imagination

 Quote by Dan Zandra.

I’m not very good at worrying? I get distracted, like a fly or a toddler…it’s not necessarily a bad thing, worry can cause a variety of medical conditions; heart complications, anxiety issues that can lead to depression, even a shorter life expectancy. I also never really understood what people got out of it? For example if you have a telephone bill that you can’t pay…worrying won’t pay the bill? I do have moments where I may worry, particularly when loved ones are ill but I never understood ‘worrying’ until last year when a yr 11 girl in my school asked me to help her with anxiety over her exams.

A little bit of digging made me realise that she used ‘worry’ as her form of fuel, she worried about everything in life and her neurotransmitters responded; it was even how she showed she cared. More importantly it’s how she released the power to push through life and achieve daily tasks. I thought that was pretty cool, so I made her embrace her worry and not become debilitated by it. It worked too, she aced her exams with the right mindset.

This links directly to the second part of this quote – imagination. Rather than worry think about doing something creative. Imagination is the gift we all have that sadly so many adults loose or forget. Mine is sometimes a little too extreme and if I were a balloon i’d float off into the sky. Luckily, I have Mr F to keep me grounded (he is the string in our relationship) for example when we were planning to upgrade our kitchen he suggests a practical solution that is cost effective and I suggest a kitchen made of Lego. (Seriously, next time you’re on Pinterest take a look at the Lego kitchens, you won’t be disappointed), we then compromise with a practical kitchen that has Lego for cupboard handles (please), okay well negotiations are on going…

I really do believe that imagination is the key to the soul, to success and to life. You have to believe it to receive it.  If you can’t imagine yourself doing something or think you aren’t worthy then you’re likely to miss opportunities and live with regrets.

If you are a natural worrier – harness that energy and use it to fuel your imagination, rather than the ‘what ifs’ life may or may not bring, enjoy the tomorrows and embraces the dreams of now, they can be your reality for tomorrow. You may be surprised at how much you can achieve.

Life is a series of a thousand little miracles, notice them

Quote Anon

I’m writing this pool side as little dude attempts his 100 metre badge, will today be the victorious occasion?

Who knows what today will bring.

This morning I woke to the sun shining through the curtains, a cup of tea and then a walk around the countryside. The stunning spectacle that Mother Nature delivered was my motivation, with Alicia Keys blaring in my ears as a soundtrack for determination. Just within the first hour of my morning, so many miracle were had.

Once again, I’m going to share with you the biggest secret in life, if you choose to see the small moments of joy in life, you magnetise even more moments of joy to your life.

Before you throw a thousand reasons as to why you can’t be joyful today, check out Claire Wineland on YouTube – she lived her entire life knowing each day was a gift due to being born with cystic fibrosis, she was also the most positive human I’ve ever witnessed and she also attracted opportunities and love towards her like bumble bee’s to nectar,

‘Each day is a gift, which is why we call it the present’ but perhaps by thinking this way you are missing the one hundred tiny moments and gifts within each day, unwrap today and make it count. Stay present in the now and make a gratitude list before you go to sleep – you’ll realise two things. Firstly, you’re blessed more than you realise and secondly it’s the little moments that matter the most. We can’t always prevent the darkness from knocking at our door but we can shine a torch in its face and make the world a little lighter.

Have a blessed day… just count the blessings as you see them.