wellbeing

Happiness is only real when shared

~ Fridgesays ~ 16 Comments

Quote from ‘into the wild’

Happiness princess here again, absolutely loving this quote. This week Kate Spade died, at the point of writing this the news is reporting that she had left a suicide note. I text my friend and told her about Kate’s death (she’s a KS handbag lover) and she texted back some seriously wise words

“Being mentally healthy is everything”

The text above made the hairs on my neck stand on end. Truth can do that, it can cut through your soul and not leave a trace that’s it’s obliterated your very being.

I pondered on happiness to raise my self out of a potential pit of sadness and then I decided to do what I always do when my world looks like it might turn sour or the weight of the day has left me feeling empty – Make a mental gratitude list.

The list usually works like a magic spell to lift my spirit and redirect my day. However, I then realised something that for me felt profound. Although I relish the time I have alone (like now laid on the bed with a cup of chamomile tea and a candle for company #gangsta) all the moments of happiness I have usually involve sharing it with other people.

My son came home from a new Tennis club beaming today, he couldn’t wait to tell me what he had achieved. My happiness soared just hearing about his adventure.

New purchases don’t feel fun until you show others or they compliment, or ask where you got it from.

My tribe is the basis for most of my drops of happiness, but retelling and sharing moments is often the best bit.

I don’t think you can experience the true power of happiness alone. Do you? Perhaps you share a moment through social media or even with a pet (seriously my dog laughs at all my jokes), you send a postcard, letter or email.

The only way I can think that not sharing can be more fun is when you eat an entire bag of share sized crisps to yourself.

Being mentally healthy really is everything, if you are blessed with a serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine and epinephrine mix that’s good, or even better if you are mentally better by 1% then you were yesterday – you’re blessed. If you have someone (anyone…could be a pet) to share any more plus percentages with, then you’ve made it.

If you need some support to increase your percentages, please seek help via your GP or talk to the experts: Mind.org.uk for more info, many people (nearly 70% in the UK of elderly people) report being lonely, again more info here

Good shoes take you to good places.

~ Fridgesays ~ 21 Comments

Quote by Seo Min Hyun

When my son started school I took a photo of his new shoes, not him by the front door like every other home, but of his new shoes. I then realised something about myself, I mark chapters of my life with my passion for footwear, mainly heels.

Shoes speak to my soul. I have fond memories of going to Russell and Bromley as a child to be fitted for my ‘Start Rite Mary Jane’s’ in the latest colour. The child section was up a winding staircase (totally impractical for parents and little ones), it had a light fluffy carpet and around the edge of the room was a huge, long tropical fish tank. The shoes were expensive, lasted and made me feel like a princess. The new shoe box was often held by me on the journey home (except for, on the winding staircase previously mentioned) with pride and my collection over the years has grown and only increased in quality.

I have high heels that make me smile; some symbolise the break up of previous relationships, I always buy new school shoes for the new term and have shoes purchased following births, deaths and marriages.

I’m not that fond of bags….an impractical sparkly clutch bag and I’m happy. Life is too short for practical black/neutral bags and frankly I take my hat off to those that change their bag daily…hmmm hats I don’t do those either?

I don’t have shoes for every occasion, just shoes that make me smile, feel happy or in some way complete. I only own two black pairs of shoes, may be three (?) and I don’t tend to buy shoes that are cheap and as a result have never suffered with rubbing or blisters. I don’t wear shoes for comfort because how they make me feel is more important.

I asked my son about this quote and in he’s five year old wisdom he said “What’s a good place?” he raises a good point. A good place to me will be different to your perception of a ‘good place’ perhaps thats why there are so many places and so many types of shoes? In my life I plan to go onwards and upwards, it makes sense that a pair of eight or ten inch heel’s are my best companion.

Perhaps, living life in comfort is a priority for you, may be you are simple in expectations and live life exposed – the flip flop may be your choice of footwear?

My son, predictably likes wellies, adventurous and practical in the UK. Quick to put on and in some jarring design.

I make judgements about people on their shoes, do they care about themselves, do they look after themselves / are we compatible? What would your shoes tell me about you and where is it taking you?

She acts like summer and walks like rain

~ Fridgesays ~ 20 Comments

Lyrics by Train.

Sometimes a quote speaks to my soul. This is me at my very best.

My happy place. Light on my feet, smelling like sunshine (citrus and sun tan lotion spring to mind). Summer is carefree, adventurous and for me a vacation from the dark winter nights and long working days.

Sometimes summer can be ‘too’ hot and you can feel frazzled, sore and sweaty – rain can be torrential, devastating to flood plains and has horrendous qualities in abundance and drought. When I lose my sense of centre and get ‘scorched from the sun’ or when my work load is drowning me…. I go to this quote. It instantly makes me feel happy. It lifts my soul and this is why I find the power of reading and writing to be therapeutic. It can realign and invigorate me. So in case you thought this blog had all the answers, it’s simply a place where I remind myself of my inner summer. Keep shining, dance in the rain and find your centre spot because that’s winning and everything else is just a distraction.

Change can be sunshine if you let it in.

~ Fridgesays ~ 22 Comments

Frankly it’s spring in the UK and I’m freezing…I’ve got more knitwear on right now that Marks and Spencer’s.

They say change is as good as a break, I’d say that haven’t been to the right locations, but it is true that change gives you a renewed energy, it allows you to see new pathways and even if at first it’s a little daunting, in time it becomes second nature.

Currently my son is reading a book about the metamorphosis of butterflies. As you turn the pages the butterfly makes the alterations it goes through look effortless. So much so, that in my next life I may have a go at it myself. There’s the larva stage where it seems life is one giant all you can eat buffet, the Pupa stage where you sleep for weeks and then you emerge like you’re on a reality TV show with shimmer and delight. How amazing must the butterfly feel when it flies after being a large slime-less slug stuck to the floor? How blooming terrified must it be to wake up one morning and find you’ve sprouted wings?

Wings; to be free, to glide and to see the world through an entirely new perspective. Those changes make my ability to change the washing detergent I use look ridiculous.

Life is short and much like the quote suggests, sunshine can come with change. Just like night changes to day, seasons change…we change, sometimes for the better, sometimes with effort and always with a new perspective.

May your days be filled with sunshine.

Perspective

~ Fridgesays ~ 15 Comments

This just made me chuckle.

If you had been watching me this morning and was wearing your judgement pants you may have concluded a different perspective to my current reality. You may of said this Mum wasn’t engaged in her son and consumed by her mobile device.

Little dude had Judo, Mr F and I sat on the sidelines and whilst Daddy looked on I marked thirty GCSE papers…well half marked (seriously marking takes FOREVER), then it was swimming time with Daddy. Little dude is now 75% fish and Daddy has been a pro at teaching him. They are currently working on a new stroke and having a blast…I’m typing this from the gallery. On my mobile phone. I glance up every now and then, but I am writing. For me. This is my time. Swimming is their time.

Judgement pants may conclude I’m disengaged and not interest. I’m one of ‘those’ Mums. It’s true and I’m going to tell you why.

This Mumma doesn’t care what anyone other than her tribe thinks of her. This parent works full time, blogs for her own sanity, lives life to the full…manages her time to the minute. This time isn’t mine to watch my son swim…it’s my writing time. It’s Daddy and little dudes time. It means that with my marking done (well more done) and my post is written, in twenty minutes I will help little dude to dress. My cup will be full and I’ll be able to give him my attention, full attention – not planning in my head, stressy Mum writing a mental list kind of attention. My phone will barely be seen and we will fill our day with cooking, visiting loved ones and a dog walk. We will create memories and giggle.

It’s clear to me that perspective is needed. On lookers don’t know me, don’t need to judge me and I don’t need to judge them. We all do, obviously – it’s human nature. Sometimes, like my image above, we need a new perspective to read it. We need to step back, to not attack, judge or be quick in response.

In friendships, with work colleague and with your tribe add a filter before you make a remark. Breath. Step back. You’ll be wiser for it. Much like the swimming pool my boys are currently in, a filter is essential to prevent them from swallowing pure wee. Don’t let your life be poisoned by other people misunderstood perceptions.

Ssshhh I’m hiding from negative people

~ Fridgesays ~ 24 Comments

Quote Anon

This quote/ phrase made me smile. However, there is good news if you too are in hiding. You do not need to hide. Which is great as the media distributes negativity like Cath Kidson prints flowers, the majority of the world are moaning and if like me you try and keep your vibration up it can feel like the universe in colluding against you.

I am a ninja of positivity and a black belt in keeping my vibration high, why? My soul mate is a miserable git. This means I live with the dark side and over the years I’ve learnt all the tricks. Below I’m going to spread the love on how to remain positive when faced with doom (also known as ‘living with Mr F – a survival guide’).

  • Energy is attracted to like, so if you can spend time with like minded peeps – do so. I always avoid large meeting spaces like the staffroom, or children’s soft play – seriously stressful places.
  • When Mr F is downstairs in a grump, I move myself upstairs or to another room, I drown his noise out with music that’s upbeat
  • Change the subject. If you’re in a good enough vibration to hear that the person you’re talking to is being negative change the subject. If you can’t close that conversation down and get away. (See previous bullet point)
  • Sometimes I laugh at Mr F, probably not the best advice but it raises my vibration and is a clear message to him that he is grumpy.
  • I make time in the morning to work on me, before the world and Mr F grunts. This means I’ve already established my pattern and I’m flying high. (Things you can do to achieve this include meditate, listen to your thoughts, set intentions, establish a good morning routine, listen to a positive podcast)
  • I end the day how I want. I don’t follow Mr F to bed when he is tired. I might stay downstairs or do my own thing. If I do follow him it ends up in a squabble.
  • I keep busy – feeling accomplished helps me to vibrate higher.
  • If a crack of a smile should enter Mr Fs face I celebrate it. AKA enjoy it whilst it lasts.

How do you stay smiling when the world outside is grey?

You’ll turn out ordinary if you’re not careful

~ Fridgesays ~ 43 Comments

Quote by Ann Brashares.

This quote made me smile. So many people of all ages lack a love for themselves. Why? Most of us are trying to be someone we aren’t. Perhaps not all of the time, but as we juggle all of the various hats on that we wear throughout the day we prefer the fit of some and hide behind others.

During my early teaching years I tried to emulate colleagues who I thought did the job well, or teachers who taught me. It didn’t work. It wasn’t me.

As a mother that was an entirely new hat (complete with ruined core muscles) that took a while to fit. I needed my hat adjusted as I took on the new role. To work out who my mum tribe was, to raise my little dude in our own way and to adjust the hat to fit me. I can’t mum like my mother did, I’m not her, although she is an amazing example, I’m raising my child in a different era with a new journey ahead of us. It took a while and needs constant adjusting but my mum hat is bespoke. It’s me and it fits like a dream.

I’m not sure anyone is happy to live an ordinary life, I think we would all opt for sparkle and quirk. However, there are a few things you need to do to live this life.

  • You need to be brave, to step away from the crowds when it doesn’t suit you.
  • You need a tribe around you that accepts you, cracks an’ all.
  • You need time to yourself, balanced with time with loved ones. There is a lot of research to suggest we ‘are’ the five people we spend the most time with. If these people are ordinary so are you.

I can’t juggle my ever growing hat stand without time for myself; to be creative, to be healthy and to be quiet. The world is a whirl of distractions and so I need to breath and pause, to check I’m on the pathway that best fits me.

This week perhaps you need to check your own hat stand out. The hats that are last season, the hats you hate, the hats you wear because everybody else does. Perhaps it’s even time to buy a new hat. Just make sure the hats are your own design and not made for somebody else.

Happy hat shopping.

Little by little…

~ Fridgesays ~ 30 Comments

A Tanzanian proverb that filled by cup.

Today I want to talk about celebrating. I learnt this from a online entrepreneur who I follow on social media called Lana; she does youtube clips, blogs, master classes and all sorts of delightful enriching and motivating things. I may even be like her when I grow up (although I think she might be the same age as me, plus I do have plans to be a Mermaid). She celebrates anything and everything and lately I have discovered the joy of  celebrating in other people accomplishments. As a British citizen it is by nature that I am meant to be ‘pleased’ for others but not really show it, kick others down where possible and as a women there is also this catty nature of not raise each other up.

Not on my watch.

This week my heart broke for the talented blogger Wendy who is responsible for the fabulous site Naptime natter, as her son was rushed into hospital extremely ill and with doctors not really able to tell her what it was (although thank heavens it wasn’t Meningitis). Through Instagram she shared her worries, thoughts and it gave me and others an opportunity to send her some much needed love. (The blogging community rocks at times), however today (22.02.18) the photograph we had all been waiting for was released – they are home safely. Hurray for medical expertise, the power of positive thinking and her child being a little warrior.  I do not know her, but I felt relieved. I commented that I’d be celebrating this weekend and I blooming well will did. I opted for a cocktail and toasted her families triumph. I then toasted and was/am grateful for my own families health. Celebrating makes you feel good. Celebrating for others is also super fun. My last Champagne toast was for a friends birthday (even though she wasn’t really celebrating herself or with me), in the week little dude bought a beautiful piece of work home – we celebrated, this time with a more appropriate child friendly hot chocolate (with whipped cream), later that week we celebrated again with a pizza party thanks to a sticker regarding his improvements in reading. *note to self: not all my celebrations are food motivated.

Life is too short and like the quote states – too little, to wait for my next birthday, invite to a party or even Christmas. The journey is more joyful with little moments of celebration and recognition as you go…a little celebration makes for a life of parties. That’s the kind of life I’m interesting in living.

Interested in the party lifestyle? Time for some homework: this week I urge you to celebrate as many times as possible. When your child read’s well, blow up some balloons that you’ve got stashed in the draw. When a friend tells you they have a promotion – toast that! When you get some social media comments that make you smile, dance. Seriously, spontaneous dance parties in my kitchen are very common and a bonus is you can burn calories that you can then use later in celebration of something else. (Oops the good things back again)

Its often the little moments, the little wins and the little memories that stay with you. Create some fun this week and comment below with your antics (I can then use these as an excuse to further rejoice in).

I like my music so loud I can’t hear my thoughts

~ Fridgesays ~ 37 Comments

Quote Anon.

We are a musical family. My record player is blasting from the kitchen, in the car the base is always turned up and even in bed I often hit Spotify for some relaxing melodies to drift me off to the land of nod, bath music is often classical and did I mention music in the garden too. However, one thing is true – I adore my music turned up loud.

My personal music collection is eclectic and I tend to pick a different genre depending on the time of day, mood I’m in or mood I wish to create.

There is also a power in the silent moment of life which id like to acknowledge and have previously written about. However, when my mind is overloaded with lists of things to do, or if I’m building myself up for the day ahead – I often quieten my brain with my music turned up LOUD. I am totally a karaoke car Queen. I also thankful to Bluetooth, which means people now think I’m on the phone rather than giving myself a pep talk, raving, jiving or am a pop princess. Sometimes I make up lyrics to classical pieces (warning this is a simple way to destroy the power of Mozart in seconds), however if you often get anxious, are an over thinker or generally find your brain a hard place to be then music can be a pleasant vacation; you also don’t need to prebook via a travel agent, it’s often free and jet lag never occurs. In my opinion the louder the better helps to push away the outside distractions and internal frustrations.

How do you use music to control your emotions?

Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being you.

~ Fridgesays ~ 30 Comments

Quote by Wayne Dyer.

As we approach the end of the first month of 2018, I felt this quote resonated with every human on the planet who had set a new goal, challenge or New Years resolution. Particularly those who have already hung up their gym pass, quit the diet or has found their soul drowned in another bowl of soup… it happens.

For goal setting targets I’ve written several posts Click here to read why it pays to be stubborn but at perhaps a time that you have ‘failed’ ‘given up’ or realised that dry January isn’t an excuse to drink gin for a month (*I was sad when I heard this too) I want to remind you that you are awesome just the way you are. Sounds sickly I know, but it’s true. You are good at being you. I promise that if you have kids they love our imperfections and all; although I wouldn’t directly ask them. This week I curled my hair and my son (four years old) told me I looked like Rapunzel. As a Disney fan I was blown away – until he corrected me that it was the witch he was thinking of.

I don’t want to bring my children up in a world where perfection is ‘plastic fantastic’ where desirable looks can only be accomplished by a thousand filters and the social media acceptance of an abundance of hearts, likes and comments. I don’t want humans to become robotic and only come in ‘one size fits all’, our imperfections create our beauty.

We all have talents that vary from scientist geniuses, medicinal wizards and international superstars… I make a fantastic roast, can occupy a toddler in a car for multiple hours and give good hugs (not all at the same time), I make a good friend, kind teacher and feel accomplished most days.

As we jump into February I urge you to take five minutes, pour a coffee and write a list of everything you like about yourself. I advise you to be kind to yourself; treat yourself to those new jeans, the shoes or that ‘thing’ that floats your boat. If I was a doctor I would prescribe you with a luxury treatment, a trip to the cinema, or a date night that’s overdue… if you have a new born then I’m adding a hot drink to that prescription. Allow February to be the month you made time for self love, for gratitude for all you do have. I promise it’s more than most.

You’re the best and being you. You’re already winning in 2018, you don’t need to change a thing.