inspire

Happiness is a state of mind.

~ Fridgesays ~ 23 Comments

Quote by Walt Disney.

I was in work and one of my friends told me an awesome story that involved positive thinking and Disney. Before she could pause for breath, I asked her to write it down. Enjoy…

I recently returned from a magical trip to Disneyland Paris. The trip was fantastic, we saw the parades, fireworks and never had to wait too long in lines for rides. The food was delicious and the weather was (aside from one thunderstorm the first night) gloriously sunny and spring-like.

This was all right up until we went to return home to England. We had booked the Eurostar to take us directly to London, non-stop and then we had another train booked to take us from London back home to the Sussex coast. When we arrived at the train station in Disneyland and were told that due to French rail strike action, that would not be happening. We would instead have to take a train from Disneyland to another station just outside central Paris, then change to a train to Paris central. There we would be told if we had seats on a train 3 hours later than our original planned departure, sitting together with my husband wasn’t guaranteed either. The late departure time would also mean we might not make our train in London.

It was at this moment I took a ‘pause’. This is something I have learnt from both the goddess and spiritual leader Oprah Winfrey and from doing Mindfulness training with school.

The ‘pause’ allowed me to find calm and consider what my reaction would be. So I took a quick inventory of my thoughts and feelings. What was I feeling? Frustration, anger, anxiety?

For example: I might have said to the man (who was actually just a volunteer) something confrontational like “This isn’t good enough”. I could have turned to my husband and taken it out on him “I knew we should have checked this before we came. It’s your fault- you should have checked”. Or, I could have beaten myself up with negative thoughts ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ or ‘You don’t deserve happiness, something always goes wrong’.

Pause and breathe.

Instead my response was this:

To the volunteer at the station: “Thank you so much, I am sure we will work it all out, hope you get home okay too”.

To my husband “It’s a bit annoying but, it will give us a chance to have a couple of drinks at the station as the last send-off of a great trip”

To myself ‘You are calm and can cope with this change of plan. You are grateful you have had a lovely trip with a husband who you have lots of fun with. You will look back on this as an adventure when you are back at work on a dull boring day’ and ‘You do deserve good things and this is a small setback, which you will handle as you do everything that comes your way’.

This is how I handled the situation. With a pause of calm, I was able to engage in positive thought, gratitude, and kindness. Not only to others but to myself.

At Paris central station, as we sat and drank our pints of ice-cold French beer, I heard other people around me complain at officials and volunteers in raised voices and aggression in their faces. Their body language towards family members was tense and dis-engaged. Grumpy children still wearing their Mickey Mouse ears wailed and parents scolded their behaviour briefly, before returning to their negativity towards the officials or each other. (Disclaimer: I fully appreciate I do not have children and I can imagine how stressful travel is at the best of times let alone in these circumstances)

As we finally left the waiting area to board the train, we walked right down the platform to the front of the train. As we boarded, we turned right into a First-class carriage. My husband double checked our tickets. Yes, we had the right seats- we had been upgraded! Not only bigger comfier seats, but this included a lovely meal, with wine and French patisseries.

I don’t know about you but that surely proof that positive thinking works.

Thanks to the lovely Martine for typing this up for me, now I can read this back and remember to pause, breath and go to Disney more often.

Happy is the new rich

~ Fridgesays ~ 43 Comments

Great work from Anon.

Every now and then society enjoys a fad; minimalist living, various diets, exercise comes in an out of fashion – Zumba, HIIT workouts, hula hooping, unicorns and Pom-Pom’s, the list is endless. I’ve noticed that happiness is currently on the pedestal.

This is a fad that regular readers will know I completely adore. Every morning, whether I wake by the sunlight flowing through the window or my son pounces on my head like a meteorite – I choose happiness. It’s a decision that I continue to make throughout the day, most days. Sometimes I forget but then I look at my happiness bank account, I’m wealthy. A quick gratitude list of my assets helps to keep me flowing; abundant in good health for myself and family, a job that I adore (except on Monday mornings when I’m snuggled in bed and the alarm goes off) I am surrounded by a tribe of awesome people…and my dog, candles, books…

Being a millionaire of happiness is pretty awesome. My actual bank manager can’t touch it, I can spend it like confetti and the more I give out, the more I get back…win.

It takes effort and mindfulness, it takes self discipline to redirect my attention when the darkness creeps in – but I will always consciously decide to be happy.

If you live under darkness, then you too can be rich. It starts by doing one thing you enjoy for a few moments and allowing the light in. You’ll quickly find that a few pounds of happiness have been credited to your bank account. However, I fully appreciate that at times professional help is required and self care is needed. The great news is recognising your own needs also credits your happiness account.

I asked my five year old son why happiness was important?

“because it means you can do things that make you smile”

If I feel sad what should I do?

“Lots of things – get a drink, drinking water makes me and my tongue happy”

*warning being happy is highly addictive and is super annoying for anyone who isn’t happy.

** Five year olds are the epicentre of happiness and the true experts. However, ten seconds later they can explode in a ‘Hulk smash’ mentality and truly depict the fragility of being happy.

Change can be sunshine if you let it in.

~ Fridgesays ~ 22 Comments

Frankly it’s spring in the UK and I’m freezing…I’ve got more knitwear on right now that Marks and Spencer’s.

They say change is as good as a break, I’d say that haven’t been to the right locations, but it is true that change gives you a renewed energy, it allows you to see new pathways and even if at first it’s a little daunting, in time it becomes second nature.

Currently my son is reading a book about the metamorphosis of butterflies. As you turn the pages the butterfly makes the alterations it goes through look effortless. So much so, that in my next life I may have a go at it myself. There’s the larva stage where it seems life is one giant all you can eat buffet, the Pupa stage where you sleep for weeks and then you emerge like you’re on a reality TV show with shimmer and delight. How amazing must the butterfly feel when it flies after being a large slime-less slug stuck to the floor? How blooming terrified must it be to wake up one morning and find you’ve sprouted wings?

Wings; to be free, to glide and to see the world through an entirely new perspective. Those changes make my ability to change the washing detergent I use look ridiculous.

Life is short and much like the quote suggests, sunshine can come with change. Just like night changes to day, seasons change…we change, sometimes for the better, sometimes with effort and always with a new perspective.

May your days be filled with sunshine.

Be a good person but don’t waste time proving it.

~ Fridgesays ~ 24 Comments

Quote Anon.

The word that sprung to mind was ‘integrity’ when I saw this quote. It’s so important when you have an audience to still do the same things when your audience has gone home.

Being ‘good’ is obviously a word thats open to interpretation, but proving it is something I find people who are often insecure in their self do. Lets face it many people suffer from ‘lack of self love love’ and we certainly all have days where the self love monster eats our souls and spits us out in a top thats too tight, eyeliner thats clearly thicker on one side than the other – and thats only if we can be bothered to open our make up boxes.

Self love aside, there is nothing worse than meeting a person, thinking they are ‘good’ (feel free to enter any other adjective of your choice in here – I’m partial to ‘kind’ and also ‘stupendous’, although I just looked up good in the thesaurus and ‘ship shape’ made me laugh), only to find a few meet ups down the line that they are more plastic than Tiny Tears.

However, don’t despair below I plan to outline my own survival guide of 2018 for surviving and even thriving around these people. Its a comprehensive guide and I hope will be of value to you and others, in true fridgesays manner I have created it in magnets.

In essence, if someone is good to you or others to impress you or so you think they are good, suck up their good vibes like a baby and their milk bottle and don’t worry about their motivations. If they are doing it to impress you, firstly be honoured they give a shizzle and then know that in time people always show their true colours. I believe Phil Collins (legend of the 90’s) created a song around this theme, aptly named ‘True colours” although I can’t recommend the song to you, the video is hilarious with more fist pumps than the average 90s classic.

If you are an ‘impress’ kind of person, take a moment to sit down. Think about your motivations – if you want to bake a cake for people or show kindness and compassion, do it…if you feel socially bound, don’t. I live in a village and my son attends the local school, some of the parents are lets say a little keen to get involved. I am not. If its in my sons interest, I’m there. If its not or of no interest to me, I’ll avoid it like I do day time TV. I couldn’t give a scooby doo what any of the other parents thinks of me…why? because I don’t have the luxury of time to think about them and when I do have time, I’d rather show kindness to those in my tribe. I don’t aspire to be the class ‘rep’ Mum and I don’t wish to meet up with them in the holidays, unless my sons wants to see his friends.

I do think good role modelling is essential to our little peoples lives, and so try to be the best me. This summer I am planning a series of ‘acts of kindness’ to others beyond and within our tribe to educate my son on being grateful for what we have, sharing and giving to those that don’t.

So please, if you are anxious about what others think of you, spend the energy of loving you a little more and I promise what others think will become irrelevant.

Perspective

~ Fridgesays ~ 15 Comments

This just made me chuckle.

If you had been watching me this morning and was wearing your judgement pants you may have concluded a different perspective to my current reality. You may of said this Mum wasn’t engaged in her son and consumed by her mobile device.

Little dude had Judo, Mr F and I sat on the sidelines and whilst Daddy looked on I marked thirty GCSE papers…well half marked (seriously marking takes FOREVER), then it was swimming time with Daddy. Little dude is now 75% fish and Daddy has been a pro at teaching him. They are currently working on a new stroke and having a blast…I’m typing this from the gallery. On my mobile phone. I glance up every now and then, but I am writing. For me. This is my time. Swimming is their time.

Judgement pants may conclude I’m disengaged and not interest. I’m one of ‘those’ Mums. It’s true and I’m going to tell you why.

This Mumma doesn’t care what anyone other than her tribe thinks of her. This parent works full time, blogs for her own sanity, lives life to the full…manages her time to the minute. This time isn’t mine to watch my son swim…it’s my writing time. It’s Daddy and little dudes time. It means that with my marking done (well more done) and my post is written, in twenty minutes I will help little dude to dress. My cup will be full and I’ll be able to give him my attention, full attention – not planning in my head, stressy Mum writing a mental list kind of attention. My phone will barely be seen and we will fill our day with cooking, visiting loved ones and a dog walk. We will create memories and giggle.

It’s clear to me that perspective is needed. On lookers don’t know me, don’t need to judge me and I don’t need to judge them. We all do, obviously – it’s human nature. Sometimes, like my image above, we need a new perspective to read it. We need to step back, to not attack, judge or be quick in response.

In friendships, with work colleague and with your tribe add a filter before you make a remark. Breath. Step back. You’ll be wiser for it. Much like the swimming pool my boys are currently in, a filter is essential to prevent them from swallowing pure wee. Don’t let your life be poisoned by other people misunderstood perceptions.

Ssshhh I’m hiding from negative people

~ Fridgesays ~ 24 Comments

Quote Anon

This quote/ phrase made me smile. However, there is good news if you too are in hiding. You do not need to hide. Which is great as the media distributes negativity like Cath Kidson prints flowers, the majority of the world are moaning and if like me you try and keep your vibration up it can feel like the universe in colluding against you.

I am a ninja of positivity and a black belt in keeping my vibration high, why? My soul mate is a miserable git. This means I live with the dark side and over the years I’ve learnt all the tricks. Below I’m going to spread the love on how to remain positive when faced with doom (also known as ‘living with Mr F – a survival guide’).

  • Energy is attracted to like, so if you can spend time with like minded peeps – do so. I always avoid large meeting spaces like the staffroom, or children’s soft play – seriously stressful places.
  • When Mr F is downstairs in a grump, I move myself upstairs or to another room, I drown his noise out with music that’s upbeat
  • Change the subject. If you’re in a good enough vibration to hear that the person you’re talking to is being negative change the subject. If you can’t close that conversation down and get away. (See previous bullet point)
  • Sometimes I laugh at Mr F, probably not the best advice but it raises my vibration and is a clear message to him that he is grumpy.
  • I make time in the morning to work on me, before the world and Mr F grunts. This means I’ve already established my pattern and I’m flying high. (Things you can do to achieve this include meditate, listen to your thoughts, set intentions, establish a good morning routine, listen to a positive podcast)
  • I end the day how I want. I don’t follow Mr F to bed when he is tired. I might stay downstairs or do my own thing. If I do follow him it ends up in a squabble.
  • I keep busy – feeling accomplished helps me to vibrate higher.
  • If a crack of a smile should enter Mr Fs face I celebrate it. AKA enjoy it whilst it lasts.

How do you stay smiling when the world outside is grey?

You’ll turn out ordinary if you’re not careful

~ Fridgesays ~ 43 Comments

Quote by Ann Brashares.

This quote made me smile. So many people of all ages lack a love for themselves. Why? Most of us are trying to be someone we aren’t. Perhaps not all of the time, but as we juggle all of the various hats on that we wear throughout the day we prefer the fit of some and hide behind others.

During my early teaching years I tried to emulate colleagues who I thought did the job well, or teachers who taught me. It didn’t work. It wasn’t me.

As a mother that was an entirely new hat (complete with ruined core muscles) that took a while to fit. I needed my hat adjusted as I took on the new role. To work out who my mum tribe was, to raise my little dude in our own way and to adjust the hat to fit me. I can’t mum like my mother did, I’m not her, although she is an amazing example, I’m raising my child in a different era with a new journey ahead of us. It took a while and needs constant adjusting but my mum hat is bespoke. It’s me and it fits like a dream.

I’m not sure anyone is happy to live an ordinary life, I think we would all opt for sparkle and quirk. However, there are a few things you need to do to live this life.

  • You need to be brave, to step away from the crowds when it doesn’t suit you.
  • You need a tribe around you that accepts you, cracks an’ all.
  • You need time to yourself, balanced with time with loved ones. There is a lot of research to suggest we ‘are’ the five people we spend the most time with. If these people are ordinary so are you.

I can’t juggle my ever growing hat stand without time for myself; to be creative, to be healthy and to be quiet. The world is a whirl of distractions and so I need to breath and pause, to check I’m on the pathway that best fits me.

This week perhaps you need to check your own hat stand out. The hats that are last season, the hats you hate, the hats you wear because everybody else does. Perhaps it’s even time to buy a new hat. Just make sure the hats are your own design and not made for somebody else.

Happy hat shopping.

Little by little…

~ Fridgesays ~ 30 Comments

A Tanzanian proverb that filled by cup.

Today I want to talk about celebrating. I learnt this from a online entrepreneur who I follow on social media called Lana; she does youtube clips, blogs, master classes and all sorts of delightful enriching and motivating things. I may even be like her when I grow up (although I think she might be the same age as me, plus I do have plans to be a Mermaid). She celebrates anything and everything and lately I have discovered the joy of  celebrating in other people accomplishments. As a British citizen it is by nature that I am meant to be ‘pleased’ for others but not really show it, kick others down where possible and as a women there is also this catty nature of not raise each other up.

Not on my watch.

This week my heart broke for the talented blogger Wendy who is responsible for the fabulous site Naptime natter, as her son was rushed into hospital extremely ill and with doctors not really able to tell her what it was (although thank heavens it wasn’t Meningitis). Through Instagram she shared her worries, thoughts and it gave me and others an opportunity to send her some much needed love. (The blogging community rocks at times), however today (22.02.18) the photograph we had all been waiting for was released – they are home safely. Hurray for medical expertise, the power of positive thinking and her child being a little warrior.  I do not know her, but I felt relieved. I commented that I’d be celebrating this weekend and I blooming well will did. I opted for a cocktail and toasted her families triumph. I then toasted and was/am grateful for my own families health. Celebrating makes you feel good. Celebrating for others is also super fun. My last Champagne toast was for a friends birthday (even though she wasn’t really celebrating herself or with me), in the week little dude bought a beautiful piece of work home – we celebrated, this time with a more appropriate child friendly hot chocolate (with whipped cream), later that week we celebrated again with a pizza party thanks to a sticker regarding his improvements in reading. *note to self: not all my celebrations are food motivated.

Life is too short and like the quote states – too little, to wait for my next birthday, invite to a party or even Christmas. The journey is more joyful with little moments of celebration and recognition as you go…a little celebration makes for a life of parties. That’s the kind of life I’m interesting in living.

Interested in the party lifestyle? Time for some homework: this week I urge you to celebrate as many times as possible. When your child read’s well, blow up some balloons that you’ve got stashed in the draw. When a friend tells you they have a promotion – toast that! When you get some social media comments that make you smile, dance. Seriously, spontaneous dance parties in my kitchen are very common and a bonus is you can burn calories that you can then use later in celebration of something else. (Oops the good things back again)

Its often the little moments, the little wins and the little memories that stay with you. Create some fun this week and comment below with your antics (I can then use these as an excuse to further rejoice in).

I like my music so loud I can’t hear my thoughts

~ Fridgesays ~ 37 Comments

Quote Anon.

We are a musical family. My record player is blasting from the kitchen, in the car the base is always turned up and even in bed I often hit Spotify for some relaxing melodies to drift me off to the land of nod, bath music is often classical and did I mention music in the garden too. However, one thing is true – I adore my music turned up loud.

My personal music collection is eclectic and I tend to pick a different genre depending on the time of day, mood I’m in or mood I wish to create.

There is also a power in the silent moment of life which id like to acknowledge and have previously written about. However, when my mind is overloaded with lists of things to do, or if I’m building myself up for the day ahead – I often quieten my brain with my music turned up LOUD. I am totally a karaoke car Queen. I also thankful to Bluetooth, which means people now think I’m on the phone rather than giving myself a pep talk, raving, jiving or am a pop princess. Sometimes I make up lyrics to classical pieces (warning this is a simple way to destroy the power of Mozart in seconds), however if you often get anxious, are an over thinker or generally find your brain a hard place to be then music can be a pleasant vacation; you also don’t need to prebook via a travel agent, it’s often free and jet lag never occurs. In my opinion the louder the better helps to push away the outside distractions and internal frustrations.

How do you use music to control your emotions?

Don’t be bitter. Be better

~ Fridgesays ~ 28 Comments

Quote by Habeeb Akande

Welcome fridgesays peeps, this week we are letting go of the bitterness and being better. This sounds simple. In cooking it would equate to a basic sponge cake or a classic scone. However, in my experience the simplest of things are sometimes super hard to make. The sponge can lack a fluffy texture and the scones can be too hard or stodgy.

When I’m feeling bitter (often) it’s easy to compare what others aren’t doing, what they are ‘getting away with’ or just judge with bitterness and disgust, sometimes this can be therapeutic but hold on to the bitterness for too long and if we return to our cake recipes, you’ve just added lemon and lime to a scone and grapefruit to a sponge cake…it’s going to repeat in your mouth, taste ‘unique’ and not be as good as it could be.

My recipe recommendation: It would be easy to say ‘don’t be bitter’ but sometimes a little lime slips into life’s chaotic moments, instead I say, cover that cake in cream and jam.

Jam and cream can make just about anything taste good and in life these are the lovely moments. Instead of becoming bitter of others, reflect on what went well in your day. Gratitude is the cream and jam of life, those little moments of triumph, those sparkles of joy and best of all…they make us better or will at least help us to get to a place where we aren’t moaning about others but are focusing on what we did well.

A better me, makes a better mummy, teacher, friend or family member. So why not leave the lemon and limes for a cocktail and enjoy the cake of life.