You can make everybody happy…

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Bill Murray.

When I’m looking out for quotes for this little corner of the Internet they are usually motivating, inspiring or thought provoking…then there are quotes from comedians that make me chuckle and literally give me direct advice, no metaphors or analytic skills needed. This is clearly the latter.

I whole heartedly agree – you can’t make everyone happy, and why should you? Nutella would lose its purpose, although I do feel with several friends that have nut allergies in my clique – even Nutella can let the side down at times, I mean anophylactic shock is not my idea of a good time.

So why as humans (and especially as mother) do we feel the need to ‘people please’? I gave this some thought and below are my finding.

1.its easier to people please than listen to them moan.

In essence I agree, but how much worse is it when you’ve put all your fairy dust, love and heart into something and still the miserable individual finds fault. I say let them wallow in self pity and negativity, let them swim in the pool of ‘too much chlorine’ – I’m heading in the opposite direction to a tranquil natural spa of ‘I did my best’.

2. People pleasing makes me feel good when I see them happy

hmm…I suppose it does, but we should do things for loved ones because we want to, not because we want them to love us in return (unless it’s David Beckham – we do whatever it takes to please him in hope he will stay more than 30 seconds)

3. people pleasing is kind and helpful

Let’s not confuse being a nice person and helping others to doing things with the soul purpose of making them feel good, I’m down with the positive karma, good vibes and doing things for others but how they feel about me in return isn’t worth my time, energy or thought. I love to do things for others  with good intentions, but that’s where it ends.

I could go on, but I think I’m bordering on ranting. Plus, Bill did most of the work in his quote. So open that jar of whatever it is that makes you happy, offer it to those around you and hopefully they will also find enjoyment.

She’s still a Princess

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment


My own quote, although I’m sure Disney have probably said something similar?

Today I am writing from the heart and as part of a series with a group of bloggers to hopefully highlight some key issues surrounding mental health awareness, if you’d like to follow the series then the chick who came up with this wonderful idea was Admissions of a working mother, hitting this link will allow you see the entire collaboration. I personally jumped at the chance and am proud to be collaborating on such a ‘fog’ aspect of society. I do not claim to be an expert – I am merely sharing my experiences of the girls that I have had the delight to work with (I’m a Nurture Teacher in an all girls secondary school) on their journey through the ‘fog’ of mental health and in particular self harm.

I used the term ‘fog’ as there are no rights or wrongs, no person self harms for the same reason another might nor do they harm in the same manner, some make cuts that vary in size and depth, usually in hidden locations, hence that the statistics that surround self harm are just as vague – it’s thought that 13% of 11-16 year old’s will self harm at some point, more worryingly is how many teenagers never tell a soul, seek help or confide, they are the missing statistics. Self harm can also be an eating disorder, self bruising, cutting / marking, abuse of alcohol / drugs.

When girls at school disclose information and I call home parents frequently asked questions surrounding ‘why?’ Again the fog does not lift, some are due to recent tragedies – as a form of coping, of releasing, others due to past traumas in the child’s early life…and some just because. At the point of harming most girls that I have spoken to don’t even know the reasons themselves. Teenage boys statistics are also increasing , I don’t personally feel that this is a bad thing. The figures come from teenagers seeking help, the girls and guys who are able to walk into their GP surgery or the doors of A and E, this means society is listening and let me tell you – listening is good.

I always feel privileged when a girl confides in me, and one thing that we often discuss is the dark room. For many (not all) suffering from anxiety or depression, the world sometimes feels like a dark enclosed  room and it’s safe but also scary in the dark, but mostly it’s lonely. However, to reach for the light switch feels like a million miles away and utterly unachieveable. To switch the light on is a loss of the known (the dark) and a loss of control (seeking help may lead to others making decisions for you), for those in a state of self loathing the thought of disappointing loved ones is heart breaking and so they stay in the safety of the dark. It is this reason that teenagers often disclose in schools – pupils know that we have to tell their parents / carers due to child protection guidelines, this takes some of the initial weight off of themselves.

So, what can little old me and wise old you do?

Listen. Once you’ve finished listening, listen some more. I don’t mean the nod and sad face kind, I mean the active listening, taking it in and showing the person that the light switch can be reached with time, at their pace and with your support. Ironically, it has always been my experience that the ‘harming’ is irrelevant compared to the emotion behind it, opening the door to discussion allows for emotions to be re-balanced and at the point of turning on the light switch, the dark (self harming) stops.

Todays quote -‘you’re still a princess’comes from my love of Disney (regular readers of my blog will know that I’m slightly pumped by the positivity, magical nature and frankly the sparkle that Disney can give). So the other thing apart from listening is to remind them that you still care, they are still loved…if the Little Mermaid self harmed – she would still be a princess, if Arna from Frozen let it go’… She would still be a princess.

My advice and experience (for whats its worth) is simple…Listen and love.

If you would like more information, fact, figures and advice I have 2 ‘go to’ amazing websites, these are Self harm a UK project dedicated to supporting young people impacted by self harm and Mind which is the UKs leading charity for mental health.

An aprons is…

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

  I always adore to give credit where it is due and let you know who wrote the quotes I use. However, this little cooking delight seems to have broken me, lots of people are claiming it as their very own. As a result of upsetting someone, Im going to avoid the issue and hope you understand.

Okay, so I’m not called Delia, I recognise Mary B as the English Queen of baked goods and I know my Nigella’s from my Nigel Slaters but that is where it ends. Despite the kitchen link in my blogs title – I’m really not a guru in the kitchen. This may explain why we chose to buy a gigantic American Fridge freezer (the background and inspirational beginning for all my titles) and never gave a thought to its measurement, oh well it looks lush in the dinning room and you can grab the ketchup from the fridge whilst seated – winning.

However, I can cook and in general I do it well. I studied it at school; B grade food tech GCSE (not too shabby) and over the years I’ve blossomed, my ‘from scratch’ yorkshires are epic and my chilli is Autumnally wonderful…but I know my limits, or do I?

This really is what I wanted to write about –  I don’t plan photos and blogs in advanced, in fact I don’t plan much in life.

But in the kitchen I adore to cook with Mr Fridge, together we have completed most of Levi Roots recipes and we both love the Carribean flavour and attitude to food. I also love the team aspect of a recipe, we both have areas of expertise – he marinates and chops, I know what we have in the larder and check all meat is cooked, other than that we work it out and a little like super heroes we see our mission to the end.

Our recent ‘mission’ was beer can chicken, we knew it could be done on a BBQ – but it shot to the top of our ‘to do’ list when we found out you can also use the oven.

See below our precooked efforts.

  I wasn’t planning (because I don’t) on blogging about it, so this is just a photo I took because it made me chuckle. When I saw Mr B Chicken (yes I always name the Sunday meat) standing there, I shot upstairs for some specs to complete his look. I know my brain is a scary place where sparkles and rainbows meet inappropriate chuckles.

While Mr F cooked the chick I was in charge of the rice and peas and below is a picture I took to send to our friend who inspired the meal. It was so Nom Nom 🙂

Okay, away from the grub and back to the point of this quote. I basically think whatever your level of expertise, cooking is a great place to explore cultures, try new flavours, develop techniques and if like me you have a partner in crime, join together and complete the challenge.

Is it time you dusted your cape off and got out of a food rut? Let the mission begin!

Things I’m loving #2

~ Fridgesays ~ 5 Comments

Home is the UK for me and above all I am loving the sun! It came out to play this weekend and the vitamin D3 was a great emotional pick me up and above all made me get out there and love life (whilst also doing some gardening!)

Friday night after work was well, more work – our new year intake was having a party / disco and if you’ve ever had the joy of watching a bunch of 12 year old girls and boys ‘party’ together you will know for a fact that men and women are separate species (possibly from separate planets) the girls went straight out on to the dance floor in small friendship clusters and jumped in the air (especially to 1D) the boys stayed in the corners of the room – as the night went on they pushed, pulled and generally acted like mini walruses getting sweaty and then finally congo’d around the hall like a fearless ride at Alton Towers…further increasing the sweat ratio.

However, one delight came in the form of 2 besties wearing the current ‘trend’ of skinny jeans and converse, from behind it looked pretty standard until they turned around…my heart felt complete as I witnessed the MOST awesome t-shirts in best friend history (see below)

 *disclaimer: picture taken from google images.

I may not be 12 years old, but I grabbed my phone and in an instant  despite the terrible music (you know you’re an ‘Adult’ when all music sounds the same) and horrendous heat…I purchased my very own set.

That’s right. I may be 33 years old (as is my bestie) and we may never wear them out in public, who am I kidding – they’re fricking awesome, of course we will wear them out! It was the best instant purchase ever and once I receive these goods a follow up post of photos of us in them will follow!

Which reminds me of a previous post of mine… Live life and forget your age and as the last time my bestie and me got together we were both wearing Disney inspired T-shirts (hers was Frozen and mine was Arial) I think we are both firmly grounded in the ‘hell yeah I can pull this off camp’ and the ‘I’m too old to care camp’.

This people is what I am loving and they haven’t even arrived yet 😊

image

Sensory #10 pipe cleaner motor skills

~ Fridgesays ~ 19 Comments

This activity is a classic and I’m only really posting about it because I think it’s a ‘game’ that all little people should be exposed to.

For this you will need:

  • A colander (I borrowed my neighbours)
  • A pack of colourful pipe cleaners

Then as the picture demonstrates below you simply push the pipe cleaners through the holes, I usually demo first and then ask J to help Mummy (he probably thinks I’m a seriously useless adult?)

 For older little peeps I recommend encouraging them to weave the pipe cleaners in and out – for us it was more about getting them in the holes (hence I borrowed a neighbours colander as mine has holes that are narrow and long; the maker obviously hasn’t taken sensory play into consideration 😉

Like all my plans for play, J likes to jepodise them and the pipe cleaners quickly became snakes that a T-Rex named ‘Rexie’ who was in the area of play came along and ate (see below)

 The colander then became a place for the ‘snakes’ to hide and frankly any motor skills development went out of the window.
So, if you are brave enough to give it a try (eye balls do sometimes get in the way) I’d recommend it, I’ve also done it with cooling racks in the past which are fab for older monsters as weaving can really get creative.

Best of luck and lock up all Prehistoric creatures.

image

My heart is complete because you are inside

~ Fridgesays ~ 42 Comments

 OK, lets get some perspective. Its 23:34 and I should be fast asleep. I’m not a night owl, insomniac or worried / stressed. I couldn’t settle without getting these words out and so if its slightly off the wall forgive me.

On September 29th 2015 my daughter should be 6 years old. For most Mums this means making 35 party bags, (probably Frozen themed) collecting or making the cake, booking the perfect venue and organising a day that only a parent could put the effort into for 100 dry curled sandwiches that nobody actually ever eats.

Except I wont have to do this and I haven’t ever. Several days after our little bubble was born. It popped. She passed away in my arms.

You see Gracie Alice Rose was too precious for this earth. She could only spend a few days and hours with us, and that was all we had.

I don’t need you to feel sorry for me, she was one of the BEST experiences I have ever had. I mean that to. The why’s and the hows are irrelevant at this moment in time, that was all put to rest.

What I want to share is something that Gracie gave me that was way more incredible. As my first born, she made me a Mummy. The power of that word will always haunt me – in a good way. We may of left the hospital with an empty baby car seat but she made me feel complete and she still continues to do so today.

I take her everywhere with me and in my heart she stays, protected from the negativity of this world,  she made me wake up to life.

She made me see how bloody amazing my Mr Fridge was, that he was a keeper, my soul mate and mine. He protected me and shielded me where he could, he opened sympathy cards when my heart ached too much, even though his heart was broken too. He ran errands, and in hospital he did everything I needed him to do, including sleeping on the floor so that I wasn’t alone in my little clinical room. He did that for me, he did that for our baby…our family.

Our friends and family stepped up the love, support and united in ways that my written word can never do justice. It showed cracks in those who weren’t true and it made me realise how blessed we were. My amazing Mum was honest and truthful, she always has the answers – for this there were none. I overflowed with questions, why me? why our baby? why Gracie? As we sat on the edge of my bed she looked into my eyes and said she didn’t know. I respected that and I still do now.

Gracie inspired many to raise funds, run marathons (nutters) and do good for Great Ormond street. That’s not bad for a 2 day old baby right?

She inspired me to make the most of what life has to offer and through my experience of losing her I learnt how grief can catch you in moments you would never expect, the classic moment that I will always remember was several months after she had left us and I was buttering toast, I exploded in tears and still don’t fully understand why. I often tap into this when I work with pupils who are in similar situations. You cant teach life and you cant learn it from a book in the same way as the ‘University of life’.

We don’t celebrate any of her anniversaries. We do have traditions that we follow, like at Christmas we have a star that we place on her stone. I chose not to ‘regularly’ go to her grave and never have. Instead, she is in our village cemetery and we can walk past and pop in on a dog walk, or take J there via the park. She’s part of our life in this bumbling quaint village that we live in and I like that.

…the biggest thing I’ve learnt is that when it comes to death – there is no right answer. There is usually a ‘right for you’ but it doesn’t always show up immediately and that’s OK too. The other thing Gracie taught me was that nobody can take away your memories. In several short hours we made a thousand. That’s where she remains, in my heart x

Sweet dreams Gracie and thank you for giving so much in so little time.

You are something magical

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

 Every time I look at my son, he is magical. The way he manipulates me, engages me, goes off and faces new challenges and doesn’t need me – he fills my heart with joy and he has developed a magical talent for making me absolutely furious and then with literally a blink of his blue eyes reminds me how scrummy he is.

However, this post isn’t about him…it’s about you.

When I look in the mirror I love what I see. Jennifer Anistons reflection would be preferred and sure I recognise my imperfections but ultimately I love me.

I’m worthy of the best and I desire to be better…

How do you feel about you? Most people can see others negative and positive qualities but magnify only their own negatives.

In my class we play a game –

Everyone writes their own name at the top of the paper, they fold it and then everyone in the circle takes a turn at writing something positive about that person. All the comments are hidden by fanning the paper as you go to conceal the answers…at the end the person who’s name is at the top opens it up and reads the positive comments – this is great for positive reinforcement and self love.

Amazing motovational speaker and founder of Hay House, Louise Hay is a huge fan of ‘mirror work’ there are many variations but in essence you look in the mirror and affirm that you love your self, that you are worth it…and so on. When you rub against negativity you work on those areas. I’m not sure you go the full ‘mirror mirror on the wall’ but I wonder how many people avoid just looking at there own reflection. Growing up I had a friend who had no mirrors in her house, not one.

Do you look at women in the media and see yourself as insignificant? Do you make jokes at your expense before other can, perhaps to hide your insecurities?

Today remember that you are amazing, you have achieved so much already and hold so much potential – remember you are magical and deserve to be told this and believe this. Loving yourself isn’t arrogant its essential.

Sensory #9 Farm Stickers

~ Fridgesays ~ 2 Comments

Today I am sharing a sensory activity that also enhances motor skills, is cost effective and is perfect for rainy days, which if you are UK based is literally everyday at the moment.

All you need are these fab little farm stickers that I purchased from my local Tesco store and we went for a ‘field’ like green piece of card. (see below)

IMG_2737  The stickers are fab and we still have nearly a whole bag left over for future works of art. They were under a pound, around the ninety pence mark and well worth it – they are sturdy, of good quality and there was a huge range of animals and farm furniture in the bag (sadly no tractors for any parents who have wheel obsessed monsters) I chose to put the stickers in two bowls – one with the stickers in and one for the peeled off backs to go in.

This is where J developed his own activity and spent a good fifteen minutes pouring the stickers from bowl to bowl. As Mummy tension grew (and lets face it I wanted to play with the stickers) I left him to it and used it as an excuse to pop the kettle on.

  Just when I thought we were going to become sticker buddies – he refused to peel the stickers off of the backs, and actually became distressed if I attempted to touch them. Instead, J played with them more like figures than stickers…in actually took me 48 hours to convince him that peeling the backs off was the best way forward.

Below is his first attempt and I must apologise for any layout technicalities with the pigs (blush). He also free styled with some crayon action – creating snacks for the ‘amin-als’ and after a quick interrogation the double lines (near the top of the page) are not as I thought ‘a fence’ but instead ‘a door for the doggy to go in the garden’. I feel stupid for even questioning such an obvious modern art phenomenon.  I’m sure you could do all sorts of lovely activities with these and they would really work well in conjunction with a farm yard book or narrative task, or as we have since done, perfect for sorting activities.

For now, we will continue to work on ‘how to use a sticker’ and Mummy will try to control every aspect of play. Thanks for popping by.

image

You can’t act like a flip flop..

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

 Quote by Anon – may be in my top five quotes of all time.
So after my love of Disney – shoes come a very fast second…well more a 1.5 from Disney.

I remember the first shoes I ever loved; they were my Mums heels, a classic Fuscha pink number that she wore to a wedding and although they never fitted me, I loved to pop them on and tottle around the house.

This quote resonates with me because flip flops are sloppy, reserved for the beach and ‘back door shoes’ but heels, oh they are for dancing, prancing, they physically lift you, improve posture (not so great for the knees) and Cinderella’s slipper shows a sparkly heel that can change your life.

If you were a shoe what would you be? A sporty trainer, a thick soled walking boot or a high brand designer number that is both limited and appreciated by those that understand heels…

Are you a budget buy sneaker or a limited edition trainer with a whizzy bubble under heel to improve efficiency and performance.

Perhaps more importantly is what you actually enjoy wearing, how you want to be seen and where you see yourself heading, don’t get me wrong we all have our slouchy slipper days and our fair share of welly weekends surrounded by puddles of misery…the other great thing about shoes is maybe wellies are your happy footwear ‘sole mate’ (my little boy lights up when his Thomas the Tank wellies come out to play), perhaps that actual shoe is irrelevant and actually it’s more important that you act how you wish to be treated.

So aim high, be a limited edition, appreciated and bring joy to those that walk with you on your journey.

Set some goals and then demolish them 

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

 Quote by Anon.
I’m a really good goal setter, what I’m not so good at is sticking out goals out for long periods of time, or I get so excited I want to do them in unattainable time limits.

Being a teacher i’ve recently returned for a new academic year and this is the time I set new goals, of course I always set the classic ‘I will mark books more efficiently’ and ‘I will organise the planning of lessons more efficiently’ and then inevitably life gets in the way…

Recently, I have committed to reading the top 100 books, of course I’ve already read some of them – but I’d like to reread them and I’ve decided to pop a little review inside each one. At the moment I’ve begun with number 1: To kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee. I have read it before but not for a long time. So why have I set myself this challenge? Because if I’m honest I’m not very eloquent or particularly ‘wordy’ and id like to improve my diction. (I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going via Twitter @whatmyfridgesay)

Next up is a challenge I set my New year 7s – write down a list of five achievements you have already done. Then add one that you succeeded in today.

The list is individual to you – maybe it was a success to get out of bed this morning or despite the traffic get to work on time. May be (like half of my class) you are part of a team that can win certificates / medals or competitions. It really doesn’t matter how big or small they are, or that anyone else noticed – what matters is that you are demolishing goals and proud to look at the list. Warning: this technique for self motivation is highly addictive and you may end up keeping a regular journal on them or find lists in places you never thought they would be.

Give it a go…set your goals and then demolish them! 😉 let me know your current goals below