Anon

Judgement is complicated. I read a blog earlier this week about it and this quote therefore resonated.

In the blog the writer made an excellent point about judging others by our own standards, her example was based around teaching. She is always earlier to her session by about fifteen minutes, she prepares the room and waits for her clients and she always starts on time. If another teacher enters one minute before the class begins and goes straight into teaching – both classes started on time. Both teachers have met their expectable standard… it really got my mind thinking

I’ll save you a week of thinking by sharing my conclusion. Judgement is a waste of time but a habit out primitive brain uses to keep us safe, as a result it’s hard not to judge. I’ll give you some every day examples; you enter a cafe and queue for a drink, you notice the ladies jumper in front of you and judge it as ugly. WASTE OF TIME – the lady likes it and your opinion that (hopefully) is kept in your head is irrelevant. No harm is done, except you’re wasting your energy thinking about an ugly jumper rather than what delicious treat to have with your drink. Another example; You’re driving down the road and notice the car in front of you is swerving, you become frustrated…annoyed / angry. This doesn’t help the driver in front of you to drive better and it doesn’t help you focus. Noticing it might help you remain vigilant, but after the initial judgement it quickly becomes more of a burden than a blessing, also if like me you have a huge imagination within a minute you’ve wasted your time creating an entire scenario as to why the driver is swerving, named the driver and any other characters who may have done something to get to this swerving moment. Ultimately – you’ve wasted your time.

Judgment as a parent is exhausting! You tell they are eating too quickly, too slowly, you judge them on how dirty they’ve become – how much food they have around their faces (and often eye brows?) and none of these judgments making the pace of eating any different, except the parent becomes visually more frustrated with each judgemental breath.

If a giant wild bear is chasing after you please do judge that as a dangerous situation and act accordingly, but bears aside we are often happier the less judgment we weigh ourselves down with. Whilst I don’t have the answer, as I still believe judgment has a small place in keeping us safe, I do think we could all reduce how often we judge. Over the next few weeks I plan to do this by simply noticing when I judge. If I can catch myself doing it, I can reduce the momentum of after thoughts and diffuse it’s energy. Once I’ve noticed it, I will simply pause and let it go.

As for this particular quote, I’ve just returned from a long Sunday beach walk with my boys and our dog, feel free to judge me on the company I keep – I spoke and (after checking with the owner) cuddled every dog that came in a five metre radius. I avoided all human connection, you can’t go wrong by avoiding humanity and I’m now writing this alone in the living room with my own dog curled up next to me, perfection.