It’s all lies darling

Quote Anon

I often write about perspective and how vital it is for a contented life. So often we fall in to a trap of false accusations and the main stream media twisting lies and pushing dramatic headlines that are often false, fake or unfair on the person who’s life is under the spot light.

For many of these reasons and also the negativity of it all, as a household we don’t use our TV, avoid the radio and decided what we consume via streaming. However, often in school I deal with incidents and listen to each side, sometimes with lies woven through to protect things they have done, usually with glimmers of truth and a dash of artistic licence.

This morning in bed I was rolled away from my partner and facing our wardrobe doors, he turned his side lamp on and cast a huge shadow across the ceiling. The shadow looked haunting and dangerous, it had sharp edges and two sides were coming together much like teeth. I turned back to see he was writing and the shadow was he’s fingers and pencil on the pad.

Perspective is essential, don’t believe everything you see, hear and even think at times. Don’t hold your perspective as the only one, there are often victims on each side and every now and then an innocent pad of paper and pencil.

It’s important to be cautious of what we tell ourselves, so often we feed ourselves lies. We aren’t good enough, intelligent enough, healthy enough. I always think if we spoke to our friends how our inner voice talks to us we’d be a very lonely planet. When I look back at photographs of my younger self I’m not always as horrified as I thought at the time. *Although the teen fringe phase and sun-in over use was a mistake.

If what we see around us is often lies and how we speak to ourselves is often overly negative…I choose denial. Talk to yourself like you do your best friend, paint your own truth and see the world through sparkly lenses. Socialise with people that make you feel good, work on goals that make you happy and celebrate the journey along the way.

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More does not mean better

Quote Anon

This week I didn’t feel well. I didn’t have a cold, headache or anything I could name. At times I felt a little like I might be sick but knew I wouldn’t. I just felt tired and off balance. Nothing was wrong and everything somehow felt too much.

I didn’t feel that how I felt was enough to have some time off work and so I needed to be more creative with my energy. I took a few small actions; left work a little early, laid down on my bed when I got home, early nights and little housework, asked others to cook, generally I slowed down.

It wasn’t the most exciting week and I don’t think it’s one for the memoirs but I didn’t push on and in turn become ill, in fact by Friday I felt much better and was able to celebrate my birthday with my family. The sun shone and I felt loved and was able to create memorable worthy moments.

What’s the point of this post? More doesn’t mean better, knowing ourselves and listening to what we need can be just as fulfilling. When we eat we often find the first few bites joyful and after that the sparkle goes, for this reason more is not usually better…trying a range of smaller dishes can be more fulfilling.

A small vacation of a few nights can be as rewarding as a mammoth expedition, life is often best served slow and simply.

I recently culled my wardrobe and plan to not return to a wardrobe heaving with clothes. In this consumer driven culture we don’t need masses. My wardrobe is slowly evolving to a world of less, higher quality and where the wooden hangings have space to jangle. This in turn means I have less choices to make and leaves my mind free to think about other things.

This week press the pause button on life and take time to notice what makes you smile. Don’t be surprised if less wins and more overwhelms.

Shoshin

Not a quote, just a magical word.

Welcome to another fix of inspiration from the fridge. It will be no surprises that I really like words. A cluster of letters squished together can produce the most emotive sentiment or allow others to empathise with how you may be feeling.

Today, if you haven’t come across the word previously I’m sharing a new favourite with you. ‘Shoshin’ (firstly how lovely is it to say) means…

The practise of seeing life in wonder

One of the greatest things about being a parent is seeing the world through little eyes. I remember walking with my son when he was about two years old to our local park. He picked up the every stone, touched every leaf and the two minute walk became an exploration of discovery and wonder. I followed behind and observed the wonder, whilst reminding myself that time was our friend and I didn’t need to hurry him on. Sadly as we grow older our priorities change and we forgot the joy that surrounds us. Often happiness is found in the most basic of flavours (for me boiled egg and soldiers), smells (the roses in my garden) and experiences (an empty beach in winter with my boys watching the sunset on a clear day).

This post doesn’t come with a long lecture but instead a reminder to pause and live a life full of Shoshin. One of the ways I do this is my keeping a gratitude journal, another is myself and a friend are currently using WhatsApp to send each other a daily gratitude and photo. Today’s was having breakfast outside in the sun

The messages will last for 100 days and it’s really nice to look back over when life seems a little less bleak and Shoshin has been hidden behind a load of washing and an endless to do list.

However, like I stated previously this post isn’t a deep metaphorical ramble, it’s just a reminder to leave a Shoshin awesome life and appreciate each moment of wonder as it passes.

Cling to what is good

Quote Anon

According to the power of google an adult makes 35,000 decisions a day, a child around 3,000. That’s everything from what to have for dinner tonight to what to wear and where to go. Most choices fall in to three categories: positive, negative and those we feel obliged to do, feeling like we don’t really have a choice.

As an adult I do feel that at times I need to make negative decisions for overall good, an example being telling my son off and setting consequences – in hope that he learns and grows into an adult with clear morals and boundaries. At the time of sanctioning him he would tell you it was a negative decision I’d made.

Not all choices are transparent and many come with a wealth of other choices, at times resulting in others taking control or contributing to the end result.

Many of us suffer from decision fatigue and with the stats so high, I’m not surprised. If you find yourself overwhelmed then the experts encourage you to pull back; have a duvet day, a social media detox and even better a week away from WiFi. Don’t answer the phone, relax and live in the moment where possible.

Except that is a short term issue. At the moment my son who is six years old is sneaky when I ask him to make one of his 3,000 choices for the day. He will say things like “I don’t mind” or “‘ask Daddy what he wants” in order to avoid conflict or people disliking his ideas. As a result, as parents we are now throwing him even more options…and not letting him wiggle out of them. It’s a tough love choice in hope that it will help him grow in resilience and assertiveness. More importantly we are asking him to ‘feel’ the decision, to reflect on what feels good, to reconnect with his instincts and to not be put off by other people’s reactions. Making choices in the moment that feel good are meant to be the best way to promote positive wellbeing and overall happiness in the long term. Without guides, I wonder how many adults are out of sync with their own sense of good? Making time to rest and play has never been so crucial for a blossoming and positive planet.

Yesterday is heavy. Put it down

Quote Anon

Sometimes as adults we need permission for things. My manager once sent out an email, my favourite email ever sent, it said:

“Nobody is permitted to check, send or read emails this weekend – those that do will be spoken to”

I don’t often check emails at home for my own well-being but many do. When I returned to work after the ‘great Email weekend’ my Monday started off great, as my inbox was empty… the gift that kept on giving.

As you read this, I’d like you to know I’m directly talking to you. I’m looking you in the eyes and politely whispering, put the past down.

Yesterday may of been heavy, last week may of been hard, last month might of been a train wreck and last year I know was hard. Put it down. You don’t need to carry it, it’s gone.

Remember that awful time you let down someone you love down, well home truth – if you are carrying the past then the weight will mean your hands aren’t free to hold up the now. Ultimately, you still aren’t given everyone your best, even those that you love, letting it go is the fastest way to happiness and a healthy wellbeing.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty, I’m telling you because sometimes we need to have permission to feel better. It’s often noted that the dying don’t pass until a certain occasion happens, or a person they cherish gives permission and tells them it’s okay to let go.

I hope your hands are lighter today, I hope your future is bright. I hope you seize each day, each moment without the shadow of what’s gone before.

Today is a new day, that is a blessing in itself.

I love the privacy of rain

Quote by Helen Dunmore

Have you ever read six words and felt like you’ve read a poem? I adore the simplicity and arrangement of this quote, each time I read it my mind goes on a little detour into my imagination and each time it’s different.

For that reason I don’t plan on writing too much in this post. I’d rather you too evoke your own story; two of my favourites included a girl in the rain dealing lost in sadness with the walls of rain isolating her from the buzzing city around her, where perhaps the sunshine’s? My second is a enjoyable cosy image of watching the rain fall outside whilst sat snuggly inside (with a cup of tea obviously) enjoying the tranquility and rhythm of the rain falling…add a blazing fire for a picturesque scene.

What I would like to share is my love of words, more specifically quotes and how they resonate with us. Aren’t we blessed to live in a world with so many diverse languages, translations and meanings. How wonderful is it that these six words may take you on a completely different journey to my versions.

Feel free to share your versions below or next time you’re at a loss on a long journey and perhaps it’s even raining, let your mind wonder on this little gem of a quote.

The grass is greener when you water it.

Quote by Neil Barringham

At the end of February we often get a few warm days, enough to shed a layer or two when you go out, enough so you need to find your sunglasses that you abandoned in September in a draw somewhere between the front door and the backdoor (or they could be in the car?) and enough for the Mr to say to me yesterday “I’m going to need to cut the grass again soon”

Grass doesn’t need much to thrive. However in the cold, dark and wet winters of the UK it barely grows at all, we rarely go out there and the grass is stagnant.

In life we often need to make choices every now and then, where do we put our time, love and sunlight? We look at other peoples lawns and often admire them not fully understanding the complexities of what they might be ‘growing’ through, we don’t see the moss patches, or the bald patches covered up by plant pots. A quick glimpse and it’s easy to wrongly see a lawn or someone else’s life in the wrong light.

Sometimes we can love our own lawn but feel the need to buy a new one just because… much like lawn maintenance, humans aren’t as simple as we believe.

Instead we need to mow our own lawns, perhaps put some extra attention of the bits that have been scorched by the sun, add new seeds, water and tend. We have a 160ft garden and it would take an awful lot of time to edge it. However, what we give our time and love to is what will thrive. Our health, relationships and careers all need time, love and attention too. The grass may be greener elsewhere but that’s not your concern. Water your own grass and watch it grow, add sunlight and see it thrive. Most importantly ignore the lawn and spend time with people you love. Mother Nature will sort it out, it’s a lawn – get a life and make that thrive.

Be proud of how hard you are trying

Quote Anon

Whether you set a New Years resolution, you’re generally stepping up the pace in life, or you have a secret mission to achieve a dream then take a moment to be kind to the effort you are putting in.

When my son tries he’s best that’s good enough for me. However, I’ve notice that adults often aren’t so kind to themselves.

Let’s take vegan January or veganuary?? I saw one of my followers on Instagram post a yummy photo of a meal she’d made. In the background was some coleslaw. I went to type ‘that’s not vegan’ when I thought ‘shut up, she’s trying’…instead I wrote how yummy it all looked and that I hope she enjoyed it.

I remember my Mum dieting when I was younger and a couple of days in she would cheat and tell her friends the diet had failed.

Stop

She failed one day, that doesn’t mean the next day couldn’t of been better. I believe that the pure intention of wanting to take action is more than most people achieve, she tried.

Last week I was run down and my cup was empty, as a result the chores in our home have stacked up and my laundry basket resembles Mount Etna. Rather than looking at the mountain of stains with sadness, I took my attention to the things I did achieve; the vacuuming was done, meals were created and we survived, I tried my best. Now back on track, I’ll throw a few more washes on this week and soon the basket will be empty (well, as empty as a family laundry basket can ever be)

If you are trying, give yourself a break. If friends and loved ones around you are trying around you please spread the message that you are proud of them for trying. It’s better than doing nothing and even if they do have a wobble, with your support and encouragement they are more likely to succeed the next time they try.

Effort deserves respect in a five year old world, let’s spread the love a little further and make effort an ageless celebration.

Wake. Pray. Slay

Quote by awesome Anon

I find that if I can wake on my terms (without a little ninja creeping in and tackling me) I can literally take on the world.

Seriously it’s like a revolutionary universal explosion, when the ninja does creep in my day is more like the Jurassic age…mummy dinosaur is ferocious. I’ve wrote a post before about my morning routine but thought I’d write about how I turn my Mummy-Rex in to a mummy dream when things don’t go as planned.

I lock myself in the toilet. We are blessed with both an upstairs and downstairs bathroom, so if one is out of action nobody has the excuse to break down the door. I basically sit and reawaken. It’s not as snug as my bed, but it’s ninja attack free. I then do some simple breathing techniques that I find work for me. I’ve also been known to do these in public bathrooms when my stress levels are going crazy. It’s called the OM breath and just two minutes is enough to reduce your heart rate by two thirds. I also like it because as you breath in and out you make a rasping sound that reminds me of waves. Google it, it works and the tutorials are hilarious.

I write a list. Seriously, I’m a spiritual being but have never found joy in prayer, but a list is like fuel in my engine. It gives me direction in an otherwise chaotic day, I feel a huge sense of achievement as I tick off each item. I’ve even been known to add things I’ve done previously to writing the list, on the list, just so I can tick them off. I even have a notebook dedicated to lists.

Self care indulgence. Everyday I squeeze in a little self care, it might be painting my nails, lighting candles, clearing out a draw, ringing a friend…but on days when I’ve turned it around I reward myself with bonus time. Today was indeed a slay day. There was so much to do and I was a single parent with the Mr away, so once the ninja was asleep I had a bubble bath, hair treatment, painted my nails, lit candles, listened to a podcast, had some posh tea and even made time (thanks to the tribe of support) to squeeze in a yoga class.

…why? Because when you’ve slayed you need to do two things.

  • Celebrate: because whatever you were slaying was exhausting.
  • Top up your cup: there’s that wise old saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup and frankly my cup was cracking today, nobody wants me to leak over them so best I fill in the chip and recharge.

I hope you wake to slay tomorrow. How do you turn things around when your day isn’t going as planned? Please share any tips in the comment section 🙂

Start your day with a dance party

Quote Anon wearing sparkly shoes

I have a morning routine that I do before my day begins, you can read about it here. If you do nothing for yourself ever again, I suggest you get one too. It makes my day start from a place of joy and if I didn’t have it in my life it would be like not having lungs.

After this the days demands capture me, throw me into a frenzy and at times I have to regain control with a mini mindful exercise. I think the ‘your day’ in this quote is really important, we can blame others when they interrupt our flow, make excuses but really it’s how we deal with life’s negatives and how long we hold on to them that guides our lives.

Emotions are complex, the extremes are often lifted for me with a dance to a song that makes me smile. I crank it up and dance like I’m on stage in a huge concert hall. The boys run for cover – this mummy can’t sing BUT THAT DOESN’T STOP ME. I find night club classics from my clubbing days are a great way to begin, then I move on to anthems. The concert in my bedroom, lounge or kitchen goes on until I’m ready to take on the world…which reminds me The Guardians of the Galaxy sounds tracks are also amazing for mood shifting.

Sometimes I listen through headphones for a personal party effect but mainly I like to contaminate the house with my moves and boom the music as loud as it can go. I’ve also been known to find a musical soundtrack on Spotify and work my way through the numbers…always with random lines from various characters delivered in perfect time. My son sometimes comes in for a strut, but mainly I’m a solo act.

Why? Well I do have a drama degree, but I actually think I dance because physically moving helps those endorphins to buzz around, lifts the soul, its free and guess what – it works.

If you have never danced in the mirror, thrown yourself down the stairs like a Hollywood diva in the last few weeks then I have one piece of advice. Do it. Dancing isn’t for those that can, Shakira was right – the hips don’t lie. Kelis finds milk shades and boys in her yard, Beyoncé runs the world and Tina Turner is simply the best and looking great on each and every roll down the river. So what are you waiting for? Solo dance through the week and watch the changes that happen to your mood, body and vibration.