motivation

Example is leadership #2 Davina McCall

~ Fridgesays ~ 21 Comments

As we move on with my series, please recap by Clicking for an introduction  to understand what this series is and why I’ve chosen to create it.

I feel a little behind when introducing this UK star, as the BBC did a ‘who do you think you are?’ programme on her (the TV series look into the ancestry of famous peeps), however I have always adored her and even more so since listening to her on Desert Island Discs on BBC Radio 4 recently, I actually listened to the podcast version and would totally recommend Davina’s.

Davina McCall was born in 1967 and I have to sit down whilst writing that this means she is half a century, she could give most twenty somethings a run for their money.

 

Davina was the first Big Brother presenter when it first aired in 2001, I was a fan of the first few series but mainly I tuned in to see DM. I also loved her on a show called ‘street mate’ where she would hook couples together on the street. I loved her sense of humour, her presenting skills are in my opinion superior and frankly she has always rocked her locks.

But that isn’t why she has made it into this series, nor is it her traumatic and toxic childhood, or her own battle with narcotics. Don’t get me wrong, these aspects intrigue me (we all like a happy ending) but its her own self doubt and ability to over come it that really makes her sparkle for me. In February 2014, Davina undertook a challenge called ‘Davina – Beyond Breaking Point’,  she also recorded a documentary during seven days of either running, swimming or cycling across the UK to raise money for the UK charity Sports relief. In my initial post I mentioned my distaste for humans, but for me Mrs M seems to epically rock ‘fragile vulnerability’ that consumes so many people. She has complete self doubt, prepares and does it anyway….as an onlooker, it would appear to me that she seems to thrives off of anxiety and I think she often surprises herself with her capabilities, and I like that level of sincerity. I’m not a DVD fitness fan – but I’d buy hers just to watch her smile and seriously, her abdominals are awesome. Not bad for a woman who has battled many dark corners of life.

Her ability to test her body, be a Mum and also have a clear sense of who she is makes her a national treasure. She is relatable and I imagine living with her is much like the Green day track: walking contradiction, she is both weak and strong, sensitive and blunt, fierce and fragile, focused and usually turns up late. Some how though, she gets the balance just right and it works. 

Never be a prisoner of your past, it was just a lesson not a life sentence

~ Fridgesays ~ 32 Comments

I’m not sure who this quote is by, but it seems to have a Hindu / Urdu meaning and this just makes it even cooler for me. 

We blame ourselves for past behaviours, but actually no matter how poorly we behaved, we did it in the moment with little thought of the repercussions. Many of the things we do as humans are often unkind (seriously take a look at the rate we are destroying planet earth) and yet we are also unaware of the how our behaviour both positive and negative can have on others. I once saw a girl in my school and asked if she was ok. I wasn’t particularly worried about her, but she didn’t look herself, it was a thirty second conversation. Several days later I found out through her form tutor that she had opened up about our brief conversation, until I had noticed she had felt totally unloved and disregarded…this time my words healed. I had no idea. 

I also can remember a time I allowed a man in my life to make me feel small, insignificant and he totally discounted my feelings and my heart. Luckily I later realised he wasn’t worthy of my time, love or energy. Sadly, he was probably reflecting his own faults on me and I allowed this. He had no idea. 

What’s my point? It’s that we totally underestimate the power of words, actions and our daily vibrations that we put out to the world, not just negative but also positive. We harber events in our lives and hold on to them for too long. Turning our minds in to lost property boxes full of ‘could have, should have’ regrets and empty promises. 

Life really is a journey and one that we are so blessed to take. Some of us experience horrendous things that others couldn’t imagine…but that doesn’t make us hideous, it was just events of that moment in time, lessons not life sentences.So how do we stop this cycle of hurt? unlike a prison sentence we learn from them.

  •  I will never let a man or woman make me feel anything other than fabulous. 
  • I will never underestimate the power of asking someone if they are ok 
  • I will always take the time to listen to their responses – this is living and inturn enhances our positive vibration. 

Each day as I work towards being kinder to my family and friends I also need to be kinder to me. Perhaps I didn’t react the way I’d liked in any given situation the day before, may be I wasn’t the best me I could be. This isn’t a life sentence. This is me and all I am required to do is live better each day and not repeat the same mistakes once I’ve recognised them, which sounds easier than actioned, So be kind to you today and let the past go, it might just be your ‘get out of jail free card’ to a better quality of life.  

Example is leadership (Intro)

~ Fridgesays ~ 29 Comments

Quote by Albert Schweitzer

Being human is complex. I’m not sure I’d actually like to consider myself part of the human race – we’re very often mean, selfish and ignorant. However, I am no different and have had my fare share of moments when I have imparted negativity on others; the awkward time (before I became a Teacher) that I got horrendously drunk at the office party and was a drunken pain in the *insert body part of your choice, to my then boyfriend. The time I was cruel to my best friend and ignored her, I was twelve; that isn’t an excuse and I was a horrid because I didn’t realise how much hurt I had caused her. The thousands of times over the last thirty something years I have spilled vile comments out of my mouth like grenades to loved ones, friends and even the women who carried me in her stomach for nine months (sorry Mum)…

Due to my disability (being human) I can’t promise that I won’t do any of the above things again over the coming days, years or moments. I also will probably experience grenades of negativity from others because other people that I share this planet with have the same disability, the population is increasing ten fold and this means human condition grows.

HOWEVER, what we do have is the ability to slow down. To breath and to make kinder choices, to say nothing instead of the horrendous words and actions we have previously intwined together. How? Well I have never claimed to have all the answers, but I have made a conscious effort for many years to be kinder, gentler and positive. I take my position as a role model extremely seriously, I care about how I present myself,  as I want the girls that I teach to present the best them to the universe. I care about how I make others feel because I believe that karma is something that rhymes with rich and I want my son to grow up with characteristics that matter. So, with my disability in check, I make these adjustments both forwards and back and sometimes I win and sometimes like any disease it takes hold of me.

For as long as I can remember I have collected people. (*Authorities need not worry there are no humans in my basement – in fact I don’t have a basement) Metaphorically speaking I have always been fascinated by humans, people watching is one of my favourite past times. When I was at university my bestie and I would sit in the front of a local cafe with a huge cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows people watch from the shop window. As we were both on a drama degree we would often create scenarios for the people and why they were in town, what they had purchased and usually added unnecessary details like what they had had for dinner and who they were sleeping with.

Much like horror movies, we all seem to be attracted to what we also dislike – my love / hate is humans. So, I have decided to share with you some of my favourite icons with a new series. I hope that my sharing the qualities I recognise in them, you can take something away with you that you see in people around you. Most of them will be famous, some will be personal and a few will be somewhere in between.

I will attach this post to the series titles so that readers will hopefully understand why this series exists, because no matter what our age from zero to one hundred we all need role models  to help us thrive.

One obvious last question – who are your role models, idols, mentors or humans that offer hope? 

Lick the lid of life :)

~ Fridgesays ~ 16 Comments

Strangley there is a lack of yoghurt quotes in the world, so I pinched Muller yoghurts slogan from a few years back. 

Warning: this is a ramble that was going around in my head which I attempted to share with Mr F but he told me I was jabbering. So I thought, fine I’ll share my brain with the world instead.

I decided today that humans are basically the same as yoghurt. (Yup, this was the point that the Mr walked away) There are high brands and basic ranges, logos and cool kid varieties, that can come in awesome wrapping and even sometimes in a squidgy tube, some have character endorsements to make them even cooler #princessdisney

It must be sad to be a basic own brand yoghurt. Surely you’ve still got all the calcium goodness that the others have, in the pot you’re still made of the same ingredients, but some supermarket dude has labelled you as not worthy of a sufficient price tag as other pots.

Then there is the privileged and organic variety, the cows were perhaps treated better from birth and fresh grass meant that the yoghurt is superior and has more stuff than most right from the start. The price tag is high and picking this kind of yoghurt makes the consumers feel like they are saving the world one spoonful at a time.

Ohhh I should probably add that organics best friend or close relative is the probiotic branded kind. It’s like the fitness freak of the yoghurt family and even refuses to be eaten with a spoon. Instead it insists ‘on the go’ and is drunk from a sleek mini bottle. It’s more than a yoghurt and is promoted as a deity.It can cleanse your bowel, shuffle your ph balance to optimum ph-ness AND save you from 250 types of cancer you didn’t even know existed.

I wonder if like humans the yoghurts on the shelves look at each other and compare packaging. Or perhaps the more refined yoghurts read the labels of the lower price yoghurts when they aren’t looking to make themselves feel better (“ohhh he is high in sat fats and I’m not even sure why sour cream is in this isle?”). Firstly, I agree my imagination is at times rather ‘unique’ but judging packaging on yoghurt is just as absurd as us judging each others hair, occupation, cars, holidays, or how the couple across the road have afforded an extension and holiday (I’m not bitter). I’m not saying I don’t do it, I’m just acknowledging that it’s a weird thing to do if you look at it from a distance.

I also fully understand (within the mind set of yoghurt) why being a shop discount brands must be tough. For starters (let’s judge for a bit longer) your packaging is so basic it cracks, your lids loose and you sit opposite the smoothie with fricking bobble hats on. If I were yoghurt I’d want to have a brand, a place to belong. Perhaps even an advert on TV? I’d want to be low fat and have all the taste of full fat…I’d want to be yoghurt heaven…and then I gave it some more thought and I realised that I’ve overlooked a yoghurt that’s much more me…

The best yoghurt I’ve ever had was on holiday. It wasn’t over priced, it probably was calorie horrific but you can’t beat authentic Greek yoghurt. It’s thick, creamy and utterly tasty; so much so it doesn’t really need anything with it, it stands alone. My preference is a little honey but is also nice served with fruit or a dessert – human wise it works well as a team or individually. It’s authentic, it doesn’t have fancy labels, hype or need to be promoted. The taste has depth and clarity and most importantly its not trying to be anything more or less than it is.

So after my yoghurt rant I’ve decided we all should be aspiring to be us, full fat or otherwise…

  • Labels are man made and only read by people that doubt themselves.
  • True character doesn’t need media attention
  • Greek yoghurt is awesome
  • Own Brand yoghurt is essentially the same on the inside as all the other options – give it a try
  • Perhaps if we all knew our own self worth we wouldn’t need to judge the packaging of others
  • I like yoghurt 🙂

Sorry if you are lactose intolerant and had a reaction whilst reading this yoghurt rant. 

*Whatmyfridgesays takes no responsibility for this because its a made up rant with no ingredients, preservatives or other things found in foods that I don’t really understand.

Do the universe a favour and don’t hide your magic

~ Fridgesays ~ 38 Comments

This quote is from Yung Pueblo, a wonderful young writer and creative energy.

Fine, I picked the quote because it has the word magic in it, but it also spoke to me and reflected a journey I am constantly in. Recently in the UK we have announced GCSE results, as a teacher its my job to analyse the results my pupils got, celebrate the good and recreate it, critically analyse the negative and make sure the next cohort do better.

I had two pupils in my class that were capable of getting a B grade, but they got a D. I wasn’t surprised as they had both disengaged at various parts of the course / school life. This was their choice. They didn’t take up offers of revision sessions before or after school, they didn’t come to Saturday revision classes, they didn’t answer questions in class and on the surface I believe they received the grade that reflected their effort.

However, in doing so they didn’t show the universe what they were capable of. They didn’t sparkle, or shine. In front of them stood and opportunity and they let it slip. Does it matter? Probably not, not in the grand scheme of things. I’m sure they will reflect on the course and find blame on myself as a teacher, on others that distracted them, ill health, boyfriend/relationship issues or something, somewhere…but will they ever realise it was actually down to them not being prepared to show the universe they had extra sparkle?

Despite my career path I loathe examinations. That aside, it made me polish my wand. Reflect and learn. At first, it made me look at my other classes, recognise similar patterns and in the last few weeks I have moved seating plans, made phone calls home, set bespoke pieces of homework and then I applied this thought process to me. To today and what I did, or didn’t do yesterday. Exams are a unique way to pigeon hole a success at a given time, but actually each of us choose to shine and some of us are living much like our mobile phones, with low battery. 

What can I improve on tomorrow that I didn’t do well today? What would make me 2% better, kinder, happier, healthier…the list could go on. I really believe the list should go on. We never nail life, we should be nailing aspects each and every day. Make today better than yesterday and show the universe so much sparkle it will wish it had sunglasses. Have an awesome tomorrow 🙂 


 

Cupcakes are muffins that believed in miracles 

~ Fridgesays ~ 25 Comments

Anon, *although I like to think Mary Berry or Delia came up with this little gem.  

Cake and magic in one quote is always going to get my attention. Firstly, I believe I’m a cupcake. Of course I have muffin moments, but I believe there are great things to come with sprinkles on top. Every child I teach and especially my son – I want cupcakes for their lives, but more importantly I want them to have the inner hope that miracles happen and no matter how bleak today was, tomorrow will always be better.

It’s easy to be a muffin. To lack the sparkle and glitz of a cupcake. After all everyone knows sprinkles on cupcakes are compulsory. I’m also partial to a ratio of more icing than cake. 

Muffins are wholesome and I imagine (if they could) they would shop in sensible shops and alway have a cagoule or umberella in their bag just in case. Muffins are usually packed with something non-naughty like raisins, nuts, seeds and fruit and that’s okay. Seriously, my previous post was all about not judging and would be easy to slate and hate on the healthy muffin option, compared to the glitz and glam of the cupcake… but that’s not my style or what I think this quote is about. 

I think we all have muffin moments, especially when pregnant and just after (okay, years after for me), we eat well and get by, we rock the messy bun and frankly we get stuck in a rut of the same two outfits, the comfy cardigan or the pumps that are easy to slip on by the front door. It’s essential at this point that we don’t judge because easy access shoes are fab and with Autumn looming I’m all about a snuggly cardigan. I think this quote is about reminding us to not slip into a rut because we’ve forgot the ten thousands pairs of shoes hidden in our wardrobe, perhaps the hat with the cute logo or the over sized sunglasses that make you feel like a film star. It’s these moments when we become a cupcake. 

It’s probably not healthy to eat cupcake everyday, but life is too precious to be a muffin forever more. So this is a post to remind us to rock the shoes, wear the outfit that’s 100% impractical but 1000% fabulous…add the icing and enjoy the things that make you happy. As always from my fridge doors – dare to dream and go for it.

Be different babe

~ Fridgesays ~ 32 Comments

Quote Anon

During my time at university I house shared with four other girls. We were all pretty amicable and we took it in turns to cook and weekly shopped together. It was during this time that I learnt there are a million ways to cook Spaghetti Bolognese that are nothing like my Mum would do. Adding mushrooms was fine and something I’d consider adding now, carrots seemed very amicable and almost Italian until one chick added what can only be described as ‘bendy’ carrots and we had to have a word with her. Ultimately it wasn’t fair on our stomachs lining and the carrots had escaped the pot long enough to be put to rest in a refuse centre somewhere far away. (R.I.P bendy carrots)

What I learnt was the old phrase of ‘there are more ways than one to skin a cat’ or in this case, cook a mid week spag bog. (Way more animal friendly when using Quorn, sorry cat lovers).

At the moment social media is enjoying looking at gender in young children and making comments on the toys they should and shouldn’t have, I think there is also a blogger who has written about her son being denied a princess Disney experience. So, as a blogger I thought I’d give my opinion on the topic – I couldn’t give a crap.

I don’t care if my son, or any child of any gender, non gender or polka dot gender wants to play with a pink sparkly doll or a transformer. I eat Yorkie chocolate bars on principle that they are advertised as ‘not for girls’ and all I actually care about is that my son is happy and healthy, or any other polka dot child previously mentioned. Be different babe, or don’t be different – it doesn’t matter, as long as you are happy. Some people love to be unique and others strive to fit in, some bubble along in the middle. Ultimately, society will judge (me included, especially after a GnT) and thats okay too. Whats not okay if for me to force my opinion on you to a point where you feel you need to change. Freedom of speech / rights are lovely phrases that comes with A LOT of really important small print. Ultimately you can squeeze it down to several sentences:

  • You CAN say what you want BUT you can’t offend someone
  •  Slander can get you in prison (and rightly so)
  • If nobody asked you for your opinion keep it to yourself, oh and the classic parenting quote ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’

Over the last few weeks millions of children will start new schools, colleges and Universities, over the last month parents have argued with those children as they battle to find ‘the right school shoes’ or the bag that is acceptable. I even heard a child crying in a local supermarket as her Mum was insistent on buying her ‘the wrong’ skirt. She wanted the one with the bow in the middle; don’t tell her Mum but the kid was right, it was way cuter with the bow. Anyway, I digress, the point I’m making is that many of those people will make fake friends as they battle like sardines to find a place to belong, any place – just to feel like they fit in…except they wont belong, the good news is they will form friendships by Christmas that are based on things that matter like shared interests, morals and the ability to make each other laugh, oh and the girl in the supermarkets Mum will be right, the bow will also have dropped off by Christmas and I totally understand why she isn’t paying an extra £3 for it.

I selected this quote for its simplicity and frankly I agree ‘Be different babe’ but if you don’t want to be different thats okay, just don’t feed me bendy carrots.


 

You gotta nourish to flourish 

~ Fridgesays ~ 41 Comments

Every now and then I see a quote and it lights my universe. 

At the moment I am planning kitchen renovations and I wouldn’t mind this little quote hanging somewhere? Food for thought (See what I did there)

Nourish according to the dictionary means ‘to provide food or the opportunities for people to grow and be in good condition’ 

If I’m honest when I see the word nourish I think of food, but what else do we need?

Self belief: if you can dream it, then you can make it happen. This is essential not just to be able to flourish but to be able to sustain any kind of growth (and that includes happiness) 

Drive and desire: these are easy to have and harder to actually make happen. Usually because they require us to get out of our comfort zone and perhaps even take a risk or two. I’ve found since becoming a parent that often the risk is scarier because of my son. However, surely the dream is always ultimately the better finish line for him to see me arrive at?

Tribe: a good family, neighbours, work colleagues and friends all help to make a little ‘you’ community. When the chips are down, don’t panic – team ‘you’ will be there like a giant pillow of love and comfort – looking around and it’s a bit sparse, no problem, sometimes the harder moments let us know which team members require demotion. 

Wellbeing: be it physical or mental you need to make your health number one. Balance is key to this; I’ve written thousands of posts on the issue so for more info read everything I’ve ever written, pretty much – give or take a gratitude post, oh…

Gratitude: a sprinkle of thanks and a piece of humble pie can not only make you a favourite amongst your tribe but you’ll find you manifest and receive even more than you thought possible…seriously Beyoncé and all the big divas are always thanking the people that surround them. 

P.s. Not such a big diva as Queen B but thanks for reading and I hope you leave a little more nourished. If not, what area do you need to step it up in? 

I don’t hold grudges, you just become irrelevant 

~ Fridgesays ~ 18 Comments

Quote by…the one and only Anon. 

This post is about how harsh and non emotional I can be. Since as long as I can remember I do not hold the ability to forgive, forget or even realise people that hurt me exist. I can cut emotions ties and literally forget that they ever were part of my world…or so I thought until I wrote this post.

I think it probably began with the girl at Nursery (aged 3) pinched me. I couldn’t be friends with her when she started my secondary school over ten years later. I didn’t forget. 

There was the ex boyfriend who I’ve watched treat every woman he has ever dated awfully. Over the years he has caused serious heart ache to many and perhaps once I held a grudge. Now, he is irrelevant and I pity his lack of ability to love honestly and truly. Time heals but in my case it seems to blur to the point I no longer care. 

Several years a go there was a murder of a young boy called Anthony Walker, the attack was racist and brutal. His mother publically forgave the murderers. It happened before I became a parent, but I knew she was sincere and inspirational. I knew I wouldn’t have the capacity to forgive as she had done. Gee Walker became my inspiration – I aspire to her sincerity and clarity of emotions. 

Forgiveness can release you from anger, illness and heightened negativity. Grudges only cause bitterness in those who hold it – not those it’s aimed at. So why is it so hard to forgive? 

I wish I had ‘the top ten ways’ to release anyone from negative emotions. I don’t. In truth it’s a battle I often come across in my own life. For me neutralising the emotion and making them irrelevant, like the quote suggests does help me to feel free of the negativity, but in truth I guess by making someone ‘irrelevant’ you care enough to put them in a ‘I don’t care’ category, which when I was smaller I distinctly remember being a hot air balloon, it was rammed with sarcastic teacher and kids who I didn’t like and the balloon was always a one way trip. Good bye! 

Whilst thinking about my own lack of forgiveness (seriously I can be harsh) the list of people who have made it to my ‘I don’t care’ list / hot air balloon ride is long and I know why each of them made it to my naughty list, which means I still hold a grudge…

Other inspirations for putting emotions aside is when parents separate and ‘for the sake of the kids’ (or their own sanity) stay on positive terms. Love is complex and broken hearts can be bitter and messy. It doesn’t surprise me that for your children couples often make it work in a platonic way, full credit due when this can be achieved, I know it’s not always an option. 

How do you deal with forgiveness and do you have any tips for others? …because I’m asking for a friend 😉 

If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.

~ Fridgesays ~ 33 Comments

Quote from Seth Gadin.

I’ve mentions numerous times in posts that I spent my childhood bubble wrapped due to my Dads overwhelming need to ensure my safety. Ultimately this has meant that I’m not exactly an adventure seeker…I’m more ‘glamp than camp’ and more ‘all inclusive than gap year’. 

In recent years, since raising my son I’ve had to move out of my comfort zone in order to allow him to see me role model both trying new things and pushing boundaries. In case you think this post is about selling all your worldly possessions and moving to Antarctica – you are very wrong. 

We all live in a comfort zone of what makes us happy and we all have our individual thresholds for what scares us or that we perceive we ‘can’t do’. For some it’s a trip to the Dentist, others it’s a fear of deep water or my son it’s generally everything. The annoying this about his emotional breakdowns of ‘Mummy I can’t do it…” is that within minutes of trying he usually aces things. He turned four in March and can swim unaided and ride his bike without stabilisers…the tears are unnecessary (try telling him that). 

I make plans to scare myself or push myself every few months, it’s good for the soul and good for my development and progression. I can’t think of anything worse than becoming stagnant. 

In the coming months I’m embarking on a new linky with a lovely companion, Hayley from Mission Mindfulness by my side. I’m not sure what coding or running a linky really entails? I’ve done some research and I’m willing to make mistakes and put in the work required to make it a success…that’s living and not settling. 

I guess this crazy world is here for us to explore and taste, to meet new people and form new bonds. Otherwise you can plod a long until your last day, with only the Tesco shop on a Tuesday to get you out of the home.

Sometimes when I have a mental block against something I use EFT. There are many websites and links that can explain it better than I could. You may wish to use a practitioner to guide you then DNA unleashed is a good start, there is also some blurb on this website about what the technique can offer, in essence it can help with anything from a phobia to a past trauma or everyday stress. 

Whatever your blocks, use this moment as a sign to attack your fears. They don’t have to be huge and may seem mundane to others. Warning: satisfaction from making progress is highly addictive and can lead to a better quality of life. 

*Links not PR related and words and thoughts are my own