Quote from Mia.
I’ve read a few things lately about people finding a partner just as they stop looking. I thought today I’d share my hypothesis on why I think this happens, because let’s face it the opposite sex isn’t anything like a bus.
I had a relationship before the Mr which slowly suffocated my soul. I lost me in a bubble of us, weirdly I didn’t even notice until the relationship ended. Always together and rarely apart. This is odd for me to reflect on as I’m an independent character, who although relies on a tribe around me, craves me time. It’s no surprise that in a mild argument I mumbled the power tripping and cinematic cliche lines “I think we need a break” he responded with a two week meet up and by day nine I rang and asked if we could not bother. There was nothing to discuss. I was done. In those nine days I saw friends, went dancing, took up spontaneous opportunities, read several books, but most importantly found me. There was nothing and everything wrong with that romance, since I called him on day nine I have never spoken or seen him since, which is odd given that it was a three year relationship.
I then continued the pattern of me, fell in love again with my life and whoosh like a magnet attracted the Mr. This soul mate arrived in the most bizarre of circumstance (if you like a ‘how we met’ story you can read more here) and when I asked another cliche line: “so are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?” He responded with “No, I haven’t got time for that kind of commitment”…well a decade later; two children, two dogs, a couple of houses and a joint bank account tells a different story, but more importantly I learnt from the previous relationship and never sacrificed me.
We have things we like to do together, as a family and things I do on my own. He is my equal and we are growing together, sharing ideas and visions, supporting each other as a unit and each others individual paths. He is not my whole world, although I would crumble if he left, my sense of self has a sturdy foundation. I wouldn’t break.
I think there is something sexy about people that aren’t needy. Something whole about a sense of self. If I could give my teenage self one piece of advice it would probably be to make more time to discover ‘me’ to evolve her and try new things. To work out what fits and what suffocates. Imagine finding someone that made you whole, personally I’d choose equal every time. After all, in maths = comes before the answer.