Forever is composed of nows

Quote Emily Dickinson

Regularly fridge dwellers will know I’m a huge Disney fan, but the films always seem to stop at the happy ever after part…then what happens? How does the couple make it through, still smiling at the end? Perhaps with a blue bird or two on their shoulders?

Mr F has been part of my universe since about 2005, absorbing my heart fully in 2008 (before we were just friends), having a joint bank account and mortgage since 2009, getting down on one knee in 2011 and living each day side by side.

Monday marks his birthday, another year around the sun, another year he doesn’t want any gifts (I didn’t fall for a material guy), another year he doesn’t want cake (A lesson here ‘always check the small print’ I think the line about birthday cake was missed out and let’s be honest I always want cake), he’s a no fuss, ‘crack on’ kind of guy. So much so he confuses my concept of time, sometimes I feel like we’ve been locked in a tower for a hundred years together and at other times, it seems we’re just beginning the journey and stepping into the carriage.

Close friends will know I describe him as the string to my balloon – My world is made of huge ideas, spontaneous actions and impulses! He grabs my ankles before I float off and grounds me, he reminds me of my priorities, of what I’m trying to achieve and he holds me still…still enough to process my thoughts but he would never pop my balloon. He rarely says no and every time I come back through our front door from an adventure he always asks how my day was. He is extremely good at listening and sucks at knowing where the dishwasher is located and how to use it.

He can’t fold a bath towel but he makes up for that when he cooks! He does the lions share of dog walks and without him she may go unfed…he also feeds the Gecko and runs an awesome bubble bath. *not at the same time. He rarely smiles, but when he does it’s worth the wait.

On Friday I asked him if he’d like to celebrate at the weekend or on the Monday of his actual birthday, he surprised me by suggesting some places he like to go out to eat…I then had to explain that our eight year old had already planned somewhere to go. He smiled and said ‘that’s fine’…he’s relaxed nature is something I’m forever grateful for, particularly when chaos hits. When darkness strikes and our worlds are thrown upside down I turn into a tornado of emotion and extreme, he speaks calmly…takes full control and problem solves like a Jedi warrior. If I’m ever ill, he is practical…he’ll make me a cup of tea, remove the bouncing child and allow me to sleep, what he won’t indulge in is my dramatic list of ‘what if’s’

Emily Dickinson is right, there is no ‘forever’ but just lots of nows. Each moment adding to the depths of forever. Some moments we share are joyful like snuggling on the sofa laughing together over a new streamed series, some I enjoy more than him (like when he brings me tea in bed most mornings), others are mundane like who picks the little dude up from school, some nows have been sad, tragic and complicated…but we have survived and at times thrives.

When you have a baby many people tell you it passes so quickly, whilst I agree, I also think that my own ‘growing up’ is also whizzing past…how the heck did I become the adult in this reality series called my life? Whilst we can’t control time, we can make sure our ‘nows’ make an awesome forever to look back on.

Happy birthday Mr F, you mean the world to us. Thank you for all you do and here’s to another year of nows – hopefully with more happiness, travel and laughs.

P.S the dishwasher is located on the right hand side of the kettle. It looks like a cupboard but don’t let that fool you.


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