hope

Every moment matters

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’m not sure how long a moment is? Seconds, milliseconds, fleeting glances, twinkles, sprinkles and winks…they go without much thought and when they make us feel special, it’s like an inner firework display – lightening us up from our toes through our internal system and bursting out of our smile…have you ever experienced a moment that you wanted to freeze, either because it was so wonderful or because it came just before inevitable sadness that you’d like to prevent?

Our lives are made of moments, strung together like fairy lights…at times the batteries fail and we spend time in darkness. Or perhaps (people) light bulbs become a little loose and they need replacing. We get to create our own fairy lights of life…moments of joy, beautiful colours, adventures and laughter with the people we decide are worthy.

My son spoke about wanting to be an adult the other day, of how exciting it was going to be – getting to make all of the decisions, earning lots of money and spending it on ‘all of the toys’…inside my brain was turning, wondering how to introduce taxes, bills, mortgages, food and the ever dull cycles that go with responsibilities…I decided to not to bother. Instead we grabbed our coats and headed out for a spontaneous hot chocolate, that 50p extra was a great investment for marshmallows…moments pass and we do get to decide what we do with them. This post isn’t about you not paying your mortgage this month and instead buying marshmallows (wow, that would be a lot of puffs of sugar and air!), of course we need to invest in our homes, putting food on the table, making positive decisions and I believe these things also make for a beautiful set of ‘fairy lights’…how many people would love to be able to know their food bill was taken care of or that a roof over their families head was a given…moments matter.

In the moment we forget what we have, of how bright our fairy light life already is, we sometimes hide our string of lights in a box, we don’t want people to think they are too bright, or not bright enough…in the moment we sometimes care what others think, we sometimes care more about what others think…and in the moment sometimes we don’t think at all. The delightful news is…none of these options are wrong, everyone’s fairy lights are unique and if they’re beautiful to you then that’s all that matters.

Thank you in this moment for choosing to read my blog. It makes me happy to write, to share my whimsical thoughts, my passing ideas and my bizarre obsession with metaphors. I hope that you realise how precious life already is, I hope you can use this moment to reflect on all you already have and I wish whatever state your fairy lights are in you can use the next moments to undo any knots and enjoy them strung up across your soul.

P.s. even fairy lights need new batteries every now and then, so don’t forget to recharge.

I hope you find what your heart really needs

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

This is a personal letter to a dear friend but I’d like to think on some level it speaks to us all.

Stock image, rights aren’t mine.

Dear lovely one,

Wow, whilst this year has been like the 90s TV show The Gladiators and we all just want to get to the final to prove we can complete the The Eliminator (read last two words with a game show voice over) in the quickest time, your show has been a little more challenging. Let down by your team mates and told false promises I can understand you’re hurt. That right is yours.

However, you are no rookie and this life has taken you on many challenging adventures all of which you have completed with love, perseverance and a dash of insanity. I wanted to remind you that you are the Ulrika Johnson / John Fashanu of your life, we all are. You introduce and close each chapter, you tell the tale how you want to. You are the presenter and director and nobody can alter that.

I was reflecting this morning on our friendship and realised that you are magical at manifesting. The woman who’s womb was like a crumbling cave made an awesome baby that nobody thought possible. The woman who in the face of some toxic relationships left with her heart full and kind words spoken.

When we lead with love we often attract more into our lives and this is my wish for you. I realise you are only moments into this new chapter and there are many hurdles ahead but I wanted to remind you that nobody, no law and no restrictions can interrupt a woman on a mission. Surround yourself with people who support you and quieten the ones who doubt. I personally will be chanting from the side lines (probably with one of those pointed over sized foam hands) for your success. I’ll continue chanting until you reach your destination. You see you get to pick your audience too and your ‘G-force’ (the cheerleaders name from the game show), remember we are far more resilient when needed, I surprise myself most days.

Whilst there are steps to your next haven, hurdles to overcome ‘The wall’ will be high and ‘Hang tough’ might even try to break you, but I know that you are stronger than a game show challenge.

Much like the quote I began with, I set intentions for you far higher than a location. Beyond ‘The Travalator’ (this was the final challenge in the Gladiators final) I know there will be peace. I hope you find what your heart really needs. To be surrounded by family and love, handled with care and allowed to flourish. I hope the future is kind and that we all have hair like Lightning (serious google that woman’s mane and physique, what an idol). At the moment it’s okay to not know what you need, you have a little one to put first, but in the rare moments of night, or the early hours of the morning silence dare to dream and then watch it unfold.

Much love beautiful x

Hope is being able to see the light despite all of the darkness

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Desmond Tutu

The journey of life often brings uncertainty and darkness. One minute life is lit up like a joyful Christmas tree, the next an unexpected power cut plummets you into darkness.

Darkness can often be uncertain and you bump into things. I’d suggest anyone who finds themselves in the dark reaches for the light switch as soon as possible, call me the health and safety police but I’m not into bumping my head. If you are currently living in the shadows or grasp of darkness then you might think ‘easy for her to type’ and so I’d like you to know that darkness has knocked on my door, circumstances out of my control mean I’ve lived more of my nightmares than I’d care to mention and Ive also supported many young people in the most tragic of circumstances. However, this doesn’t make me a darkness expert; Ive learnt that each individuals darkness is unique to them.

My most recent darkness was my silent miscarriage, after a quick survey of the darkness I decided not to stay there. I reached for the light switch of hope. It’s not particularly stable and somedays it’s just out of my clutches, although I may not have much choice about the darkness I do have a choice about how I look at the dark.

It reminded me of a children’s book I enjoyed as a child and have shared with my son. ‘The owl who was afraid of the dark’ through the story the baby owl who fears the dark learns the joy of fireworks who’s beauty can’t be appreciated in full light. In my favourite chapter the owl learns to see and appreciate the stars. Then I remembered that if I looked outside of my initial darkness…the stars would light my way. Small beams of appreciation, hope allows me to see the light. Perhaps your dark past increases your empathy to others, a better listener or generally a kinder soul. 

At other times when I hear of other peoples darkness it makes mine seem more like i’ve got life on a dimmer switch. Of course, one persons tragedy doesn’t diminish somebody else’s feelings but I do think it sometimes gives situations a clearer perspective. 

Noted below are a few things that can make the light switch a little easier to find, most of them are free and I’m sure you’ve heard of them all before.

  • Keep a gratitude diary
  • Volunteer and help somebody else
  • pop on some music
  • go for a walk 
  • declutter a draw – my personal favourite it the cutlery draw, takes 2 minutes to wipe around yet every time I open the draw I feel like I’m winning
  • write down how you are feeling and then shred it or burn it. 
  • drink more water – we are after all complex plants with emotions
  • fake a smile – apparently the brain can tell the difference and the happy hormones will be released. 
  • Make a plan for tomorrow. This doesn’t need to be huge like a holiday (although they can be fun) 
  • try and get a good night sleep (I know this ones tricky)
  • practise self care: this doesn’t need to be a full facial and luxury bubble bath, just having a wash and brushing teeth is a good starting point 
  • Make your bed – this will require you to leave it 
  • remember that before you can step out of the tunnel, the light gradually increases with small bursts of light…so be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

If the darkness persists and you feel like you’re in the longest night of your life, make an appointment to see your GP or check out this link with helpful numbers and website for you to look at. Best wishes in finding a little more light. 

As for my girls, I’ll raise them to think they can breathe fire 

~ Fridgesays ~ 69 Comments

Quote by Jessica Kirkland.

Sometimes I write a post in my sleep and wake up with an urge to get it typed up. This is one of those posts as this quote spoke to my soul.

I am a human, a member of a race that I’m mostly ashamed of. I choose not to be a feminist because categories breed further division and I don’t wish to be equal due to my vagina disability. I was born like it, apparently just under half the worlds population similarly suffer from it. It doesn’t hold me back and I do believe that it shouldn’t nor should it let anyone else, although I’m not naive to know that this is not the case for all women. I’m raising a son to respect humans, animals and the world around him – the world is crying out for loving. Gender is mostly irrelevant – if he wants to paint his nails, he can. I couldn’t give a crap about blue or pink toys and I’m happy to be the bread winner in my tribe, I’ve breast fed in public and I don’t need a trophy for this, however before I get truly ‘ranty’ this isn’t what I liked to discuss, ranting is too easy and negative.

For regular Fridge readers you’ll know that my first step into motherhood began with the birth of a baby girl. She was too precious for this earth and quickly fled for greater things. However, before she left we had some precious time together and she branded me a ‘Mummy’. I loved it and always will.

Before I knew I was pregnant, I went for a job at an all girls school. I got the job, then found out I was pregnant and had an awkward email to write which when something along the lines of ‘I’d love the job…by the way’ and I’ve been at the same school since 2009.

Part of my title is ‘Nurture Teacher'(seriously cool title) and it translates as many things but also allows me to help heal a lost teenage soul, who is going through a traumatic time or has been damaged due to life delivering them a hard hand earlier in life. This quote resonates with my 9-5 life. I see potential and sparkle in everyone of my girls. They are each unique and whether they are dealing with mental health issues, stuck in the system of being a looked after child or simply grieving for a loved one, we ride together through the pressures of academic attainment and the triumphant and tragic events that daily life brings.

It’s a privilege that they let me in when many doors to their very beings are closed. Like all members of staff, I have an ID tag and it states my name, job title and amongst it the word ‘Teacher’. I wear it with pride (and because Health and Safety dictate I have to) and ive realised that my classes often misunderstands the concept of a teacher – someone who will guide or do things for them, tell them or help them when times are tough. They miss the word ‘each’ hidden in the word, probably consumed by the towering T in front. To me, it means each one matters and each one has something to teach me about this crazy world. You see I would never have understood how rejection can consume, mental health can debilitate families and disorders that involve food – be it too little or too much can poison families to collapse…

But my girls can breathe fire. I remind them to turn each day around and I teach them all the things I will never have the honour of being able to teach my own daughter. To hold their heads high, to kick ass in academic challenges; especially GCSE’s which will open new doors for them beyond my classroom and watchful eye.

My girls can do anything they wish to dream, go anywhere they chose to fly – they are fierce but not because society has labelled them ‘female’, not because we are still battling for equality but because my 16 years old girls have already been through tragic events, overcome them and are better for it, otherwise whats the point if you don’t learn from the journey. The fire in them burns deep and I truly believe in all of them, each and everyone.

Sadly, some will be consumed by the fire and won’t make it out of the ashes, others will do okay and make do, which is perfectly fine with me – after all Im not present in their lives to dictate their destination. However, ever few years I get the privilege of working with a pupil who has so much potential it ignites my own fire. I know that however fragile they might be in this very moment with hard work and a clearer perspective, wonderful moments are just around the corner for them.

If you have the privilege or being a Mother to a child – no matter what colour, creed or gender – don’t let them ‘think’ they can breathe fire…show them how its done and tell them they already can.

We have tomorrow for a reason 

~ Fridgesays ~ 30 Comments

Quote Anon.

The concept of tomorrow gives me a little hope, so I think this post will mainly be about that four letter word that is way more powerful than most seven lettered words (small things and all that).

When the day isnt flowing how I’d like or I feel suffocated by the world around me as people demand, take, grab and ask…I often think that ‘tomorrow will be better’, without defending into melancoholy it’s true that we don’t know when our tomorrow’s  will run out, but I hope for tomorrow and to an extent I expect it. Tomorrow gives me hope, for better, less demanding, more enjoying moments.

Having just swerved (but acknowledged) the subject or death rather neatly I also feel the need to do the same for ‘living like everyday is your last’ that’s great if you’re backpacking around the world and seizing the day…but seriously who would have just hoovered their lounge, spent a week of there life potty training a 2yr old ( also know as a prisoner in my own home), who would bother to run the washing machine today if ‘seizing’ was a long term achievement? In reality I’ve just done all those things and I blooming hope for a tomorrow that will be a little more fun…hey at least if it’s not we will all have clean undies 🙂

The indulgence of ‘tomorrow’ gives us hope for long term goals to be fulfilled, to not eat all the biscuits (that’s why I’ve eaten them today, to help tomorrow out), for things to ease and change to occur.

Change is often like a leaky tap, when really we would all prefer a fountain of change at times, particularly a positive financial gain or when we face a long term illness.

I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring? We have plans so I’m hoping it will be lovely, I’m hoping it will come and I’m hoping yours will to…but before we rest our heads and wait for it to arrive make sure that once the chores are out the way there’s a little time today to indulge, to make small changes or just to smile.