quotes

Judge me by the people I avoid

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

Judgement is complicated. I read a blog earlier this week about it and this quote therefore resonated.

In the blog the writer made an excellent point about judging others by our own standards, her example was based around teaching. She is always earlier to her session by about fifteen minutes, she prepares the room and waits for her clients and she always starts on time. If another teacher enters one minute before the class begins and goes straight into teaching – both classes started on time. Both teachers have met their expectable standard… it really got my mind thinking

I’ll save you a week of thinking by sharing my conclusion. Judgement is a waste of time but a habit out primitive brain uses to keep us safe, as a result it’s hard not to judge. I’ll give you some every day examples; you enter a cafe and queue for a drink, you notice the ladies jumper in front of you and judge it as ugly. WASTE OF TIME – the lady likes it and your opinion that (hopefully) is kept in your head is irrelevant. No harm is done, except you’re wasting your energy thinking about an ugly jumper rather than what delicious treat to have with your drink. Another example; You’re driving down the road and notice the car in front of you is swerving, you become frustrated…annoyed / angry. This doesn’t help the driver in front of you to drive better and it doesn’t help you focus. Noticing it might help you remain vigilant, but after the initial judgement it quickly becomes more of a burden than a blessing, also if like me you have a huge imagination within a minute you’ve wasted your time creating an entire scenario as to why the driver is swerving, named the driver and any other characters who may have done something to get to this swerving moment. Ultimately – you’ve wasted your time.

Judgment as a parent is exhausting! You tell they are eating too quickly, too slowly, you judge them on how dirty they’ve become – how much food they have around their faces (and often eye brows?) and none of these judgments making the pace of eating any different, except the parent becomes visually more frustrated with each judgemental breath.

If a giant wild bear is chasing after you please do judge that as a dangerous situation and act accordingly, but bears aside we are often happier the less judgment we weigh ourselves down with. Whilst I don’t have the answer, as I still believe judgment has a small place in keeping us safe, I do think we could all reduce how often we judge. Over the next few weeks I plan to do this by simply noticing when I judge. If I can catch myself doing it, I can reduce the momentum of after thoughts and diffuse it’s energy. Once I’ve noticed it, I will simply pause and let it go.

As for this particular quote, I’ve just returned from a long Sunday beach walk with my boys and our dog, feel free to judge me on the company I keep – I spoke and (after checking with the owner) cuddled every dog that came in a five metre radius. I avoided all human connection, you can’t go wrong by avoiding humanity and I’m now writing this alone in the living room with my own dog curled up next to me, perfection.

Creativity takes courage

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

If you’re on social media you may have seen the ‘Pantone challenge’, for those of you that haven’t, I’ll give you a brief overview. In essence you open up the (gorgeous) box of 100 Pantone cards – these are often used for colour matching, interior design and general arty joy and for the next one hundred days you use the influence of the coloured card to paint something. At the end of the one hundred days you have one hundred tiny pieces of art joy. If you’re interested in taking a look at some then Pinterest has lots of examples as does Instagram, using hashtags such as #pantonechallenge #pantonechallenge2023 Many of the examples that I’ve looked at have comments from artists such as how challenging it is to paint so small, or they’ve used it as a way to try and get out of their comfort zones using new art media’s or painting things they aren’t usual in their repertoire.

I am many things but an artist I am not. My Dad was pretty good and my Mum when I’d ask her to draw me something would reply.. “the only thing I can draw is breath”’ somewhere in the DNA I fell in between the cracks…I can hold my own but I wouldn’t suggest I have any talent. The UK examining board would agree – in 1998 I got a C grade (level 4/5 in todays terms) GCSE in art, right down the middle in the grading ranks but neither captivating or anything to be embarrassed of. I took the subject for a range of reasons, mainly because I liked it and also to reduce the number of written exams/revision and pressure I would have during the exam period.

I enjoyed my art lessons but quickly learnt it was a ‘visibly flawed environment’ to be in. Whilst art will always be subjective, at fourteen years old you know what you have drawn is better or worse than the people you are sat next to. This can be liberating and ego affirming or drastically humiliating and frustrating. One of my best homework memories I did was to sketch a dead fishes head…my Dad and I went to the fish counter and came home with our bounty, we sat and sketched together at the dining room table, me sketching away with my tongue drooling out from the corner of my mouth – the sign of true concentration, rubbing out various sections in fits passion and him flying in with his pencil to save the day. I was proud of those sketches, more so for its team work.

Now a days my ‘art work’ appears in two clear forms. I colour when I need to focus in online meetings (my diary even at 40 years old is a children’s ‘colour me in’ calendar of absolute joy) and I can doodle when bored or frustrated. Whilst I don’t consider myself an artist I am hugely creative (the Batchelor of Arts degree my confirmation) and when I don’t have a creative outlet I become unsettled in my soul. A recipe for a happy Lucy soul requires a balance of good food, daily meditation and yoga, reading books and a creative outlet, perhaps another reason I began this blog in 2014?

The Pantone challenge interested me and so I have purchased a box! Whilst I don’t plan to paint for one hundred days (I’m a full time working parent with plants to adore and pets to snuggle) I have set myself the task of producing one a week. To hold myself accountable I’ll post them on Instagram @fridgesays and I hope to display my newest creation in the confines of my home. Without my peers over my shoulder I hope to enjoy the task. Adult life is often with chores and sadly my creative side doesn’t lend itself to DIY…I also thought I could keep all of the pieces in the box and so wouldn’t burden my house with sketch books and canvasses galore. Mainly, I’m also doing it to get out of my comfort zone and to hopefully with time, patience and persistence get better at painting. I’m using Gouache paints recommended by my ‘proper paid artist’ Father-in-law (no pressure) and I’m anxious about this challenge because anything worth doing, anything out of your comfort zone and anything visual to all can be a little scary.

However, this post isn’t about my art challenge at all, I’m sharing it with you in hope you will reflect on what it takes to balance and light up your soul…do you need to exercise consistently, read more or sleep better? Perhaps you use to be incredible at art but haven’t picked up a pencil since you was fourteen, maybe you have other talents that the adult world means you have cast aside. Take the courage to step outside of your comfort zone, learn something new and reignite your soul. I wish you luck and if in one hundred weeks if I have over fifty cards that I’m proud of, perhaps future me will be a little more content and better with a paint brush than the 1998 version.

A memory is a star or a stain

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote by d.j

When you started to read this blog, even though it was a few words a go…it’s now in the past. Every microsecond a little drop in the ocean of your life. We can’t remember all the individual droplets and we often romanticise the past, interpret to meet our current thoughts and feelings and in doing so change the horizons perspective. Constantly in motion, life is very much passing us by.

Don’t panic. We aren’t meant to be present in every moment, some days I’m grateful not to remember some aspects. I do however believe we are often our happiest when we are ‘in the moment’ not thinking ahead to what to plan for dinner, what needs doing later, feeling guilty for chores we should have already done.

Wherever you are in life, whether you have a sea of wisdom behind you or a puddle of doubt, it can be useful to reflect on if that’s how you want your life to look…are you a storm of chaotic tides, holding your last breathe before you’ll be swept to the next wave of drama or a calm lake that’s so serene it’s dull?

To carve a life worth living I often think you need a little of both, the stains of life teach us incredible lessons and can also easily be removed bleached by the sun. Light gives new perspectives just as stars have guided seamen home from long travels.

Stars, the brighter moments of life that can give us wonder, joy and direction can often start or become stains. Marriages that have gone sour, life that has become death, the ‘perfect’ job that consumes your soul.

Where am I going? Don’t sweat the stains, they can be softened with age, memories blurred or abandoned. My sons stained T-shirts covered with memories of spaghetti bolognaise can often disappear with a sunny day. The stains make us and the stars take our breath away. Both have a place to make for a wonderful life.

HABITS become TRADITIONS become LEGACY

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

December is certainly a time where traditions are falling out of Santa’s sleigh in abundance. Stepping into the New Year we often analyse our habits and try to improve them for the year to come, whether that be by exercising more, eating healthier or taking on a new challenge.

This all makes sense in a world where I often reflect on what I’ll leave behind. What will our legacy’s be? A positive mark on the world or consumed so much plastic it’s a long discarded tooth brush with DNA on it that will last the longest?

This December I learnt that traditions are only positive if they serve you and those around you. My family ditched the Christmas crackers many moons ago – we just don’t need the naff novelty toys, plastic and excessive paper across and already cramped table. I didn’t replace them with anything and rarely anyone comments.

With the controversial lockdown Christmas’s of 2020 we learnt that it was the people around the table that mattered. The food an added bonus. This was a lesson I hope remains long after the pandemic.

Last year our Turkey wasn’t fit for human consumption and the Boxing Day beef was brought in a day early…it was just as delicious and it caused my rebellious streak to build momentum. The result was that this year I really mixed up the menu – the result was meals from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day where everybody enjoyed what they consumed. Many favourites from the Mr’s love of Yorkshire puddings, to my sons delight of macaroni cheese played a part (not in the same meal I should add) and although we all had full plates and content bellies, little was left over and nothing was wasted, to the extent that my Mum took home the small Turkey carcass to make soup with. It also meant that I didn’t spend half of Christmas chained to the kitchen side board and had more quality time with those dearest to me. What did I learn? That traditions become shackles if they don’t serve you in this moment. If you don’t like Turkey, stop consuming it every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

I remember growing up and walking to school with a friend and our Mums closely nattering behind. In the run up to Christmas we would share the traditions of our homes; it always throws me that the same celebration has so many variations in each home. She would discuss how her and her brother would open their stocking and then wait until their Grandparents arrived to open presents in the afternoon, that boxing day food was a buffet of curry’s. I would share how Father Christmas went nowhere near our house and would deliver to the Garage at the end of our back garden, my Dad would bring down what he had left (even at a young age I was hyper-vigilant to child protection when it came to strangers) I would then blitz the unwrapping in seconds leaving a floor of discarded wrapping paper behind me like the Tasmanian Devil had popped around for a cuppa. Our Boxing Day was a buffet of ‘picky bits’ and when we shared these stories warmth from both our interpretations of Christmas were at the heart of each tradition.

What doesn’t serve is when everyone in the room dislikes the tradition but does it anyway…the wonderful thing about nurturing a family is building habits that become traditions, but that also have enough flexibility to alter before becoming legacies. As we step into 2023 you’re pretty darn perfect just as you are, you don’t need to do more or less of anything. However, the best habit, tradition and legacy you can leave with the world and into 2023 is to love those you surround yourself with. Remember, those that are hard to love, usually need love the most. Have a wonderful 2023

Do your thing

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

As I wrote that quote I could hear my Year 9 English teacher Mrs H saying ‘Don’t use words like ‘stuff or thing’ it’s not specific’…well Mrs H, everyone’s ‘thing’ is different and this covers all bases.

Sometimes in life we forget who we are or what we enjoy simply because we get caught in the flow of life. We crawl through Monday morning as we reluctantly get out of bed, blink and often it’s Saturday afternoon…time flies not just when you’re having fun but when you are caught in the momentum of hum drum life…shower, work, drive, prepare meals, sleep and of course repeat.

Or events throw us off course and sometimes we forget who we were before the event, that can sometimes be a blessing as we are here to grow and thrive, but sometimes we can lose the magical moments of joy that we use to have. I remember about four months into having my son and contemplating returning to work I had to write a list of the things I enjoyed – not us as a family or me as a mother, but Lucy…what did I do before parenting knocked on my door and caught me in a baby led tsunami of nappy changes and baby snuggles?

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you to reflect on what you enjoy, the ‘things’ that make you happy – not other people, but hobbies, past times and ‘things’. Make time in the next few days to do some of these; stay true to your morals, values and political beliefs, faith and attitudes and just do you. Don’t also be surprised if you also can’t think of any, adulting has a habit of snatching these from us. You may need to take a few minutes alone, grab a pen and paper and jot them down. All of the ‘things’ may not be available to you in this moment due to finance or your current situation but staying true to your sense of self can mean these can be achieved down the line.

Doing ‘you’ is your superpower and the world needs more of your unique vibe. Stepping into your sense of self, your happy place also makes you a better person when you return to your loved ones. Happiness leads to more moments of joy and don’t we all need a little more of that as we step in to 2022. Well, I’d love to write some more (because writing is another joy of mine) but I’m off to walk in forests, sip tea, light candles and eat cake.

Once a year, go someplace you have never been before

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Dalai Lama

Dear Mr Lama,

Whilst it’s clear you are knowledgable, wise and a guru of the spiritual world, if the opportunity arises I believe that you should go somewhere new monthly, weekly…whenever you can! In fact, I’d say you should go out of your way to plan, create and make these breaks for joy and freedom. Travel is certainly something that until lockdown life hit over a year ago, I’d taken for granted. That said ‘someplace new’ can often be on your doorstep, many people live in the same village, town or city, all their lives and never explore the joys that exist a few steps away from their front door.

In lockdown we, like many families went on more walks than ever before, did I mentioned that we walked A LOT? We are blessed to live in the Sussex countryside but we found many walks we never knew existed, discovering abandoned railways, tunnels and even a camel that lives in our village, no joke his name is Jeffery and he reminded me why I wasn’t a fan of them when I went to Egypt…that are stinky beasts, that said it was delightful to find him.

However, the reason for me writing Mr Lama is that as much as I think you’re right and exploration leads to many delights, from a better education, deeper sense of connection, an understanding of new cultures, new foods and new and often better ways of doing things…I feel we should also big up ‘the old’

Often the places we always go, the food we regularly eat…it has a comforting nostalgia that brings its only joy – if we stop to notice it. Let me give you some examples; the smell of Anais Anais and Chanel no.5 reminds me of my Mum (yes I grew up in the 1980s), the taste of so many food and drinks remind me of my childhood include lemon drizzle, homemade rice pudding, dumplings in a stew, Ribena, Sarsaparilla, pie ‘n mash with liquor…

This evening we had a classic food from my childhood, boiled bacon with veg and pease pudding. Now whilst I won’t be writing a review for Master chef anytime soon, I wanted my son to try it. To taste the past and for him to flip this around and try something new… there is a magic in that, just as there is in exploring a new place.

This week, give thanks for the old, look for the new and seek joy in the present. The balance of all three leads to a enriched life. What foods do you still want to try? Where do you want to go and what smells, tastes or textures remind you of the past?

Find your flow or drown.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Whatmyfridgesays.com

An original quote that came out of a chat with a dear friend. Some people plan every inch of their lives, others float through life like a piece of drift wood…I believe that the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle.

As always, balance is the key to surfing the waves of life. I personally find that when I make plans God likes to turn up with a tsunami and my life becomes a wipe out. However, its good to have some idea of where you are going, what you would like to achieve and perhaps watch the waves as they come in and select which you’d like to ride.

Another friend of mine recently spoke to me about how’s she is making a conscious effort to listen to her intuition, that inner voice that the world often tries to drown out. It doesn’t always lead you to the best wave, but often I’ve found it takes you to much smaller rewarding moments that build up for a more meaningful existence. I found this when job hunting, whilst I thought i’d found the ideal job and completed the application, that led me to an advert for a dream job that I wouldn’t have found where I was previously looking, its a little like a coast line – sometimes you walk a little further than you thought, find a cave, its leads to another opening and bam! Life gives you a private lagoon that wasn’t on the map and you couldn’t of planned to have seen.

The sadder side of the quote is drowning. In this instance I’m not talking about death, that’s at least has a conclusion. It’s seeing people walk around drowning it bad decisions, scared to move so the waves keep rolling in. Perhaps they ‘make do’ with a relationship they are in, stay in the same job because ‘its easy’ …. easy is arm bands.

Arm bands are cool, in the 80’s I had the standard luminous orange duo with a slight pink tinge due to the sun. They kept me afloat and were a lot of fun for splashing. My Dad even taught me to swim down to the deep end with them. I attempted a few dives but the arm bands got in the way, the edges scratched me and when I jumped in they did a fine job of repelling me across the swimming pool above the water, which isn’t the desired affect of a dive.

Dad made the bold decision to remove the arm bands…I was ever sceptical and had a logical fear of drowning. He then taught me to swim under the water. I loved it.

Don’t drown in life. I also highly recommend arm bands, but at some point you also need to move beyond them. If my Dad hadn’t of made that decision I would never have swam with Turtles in the Caribbean Ocean. I’d never of snorkelled in the Maldives or body surfed, Id never of felt the thrill of a jet ski and perhaps never tried parasailing. In the future I’d like to try paddle boarding, beyond my arm bands is a ‘sea’ of opportunity.

Where am I going with all these aqua metaphors? Well, to sum up we all need to take life or in this case the sea seriously. Its hazardous and the phrase ‘worse things happen at sea’ is true. BUT to thrive we need need to take risks, try new things and find our flow. Sure, every now and then we will need someone to throw us an inflatable ring, a life jacket or even alert the coast guard, but if we find our flow and take things as they come…we may just find joy in seeing how beautiful the ocean really is. If you are drowning, ask a friend or loved one to help you. Fish swim in shoals for a reason.

I can smell Autumn dancing in the breeze

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Quote Anon

This week I’ve been teaching my year seven pupils (aged 11) about developing and sustaining a positive mindset. It was also national mental health awareness day (10th October) and so I thought I’d bring the two together and create a gratitude list for Autumn.

I keep a daily journal in which I write down three things I’m grateful for and three intentions for the day. Personally, I find it helps focus my day and it starts my day in a good vibration.

My favourite season is spring, but that shouldn’t stop an Autumn list from occurring, in fact it’s often more beneficial to dig a little deeper when it comes to gratitude, that said I’m often surprised at how simple pleasures usually are? *Sorry if most of my list is food based.

Autumn gratitude

  • The crunch of the leaves as they fall under my feet
  • Cosy evenings in with pyjamas and hot chocolate
  • The colours of the trees that seem to change daily through Autumn
  • Searching for conkers (seriously it’s like discovering buried treasure)
  • An excuse to wear a cardigan
  • Smell of Crock pot dinners – it’s like coming home to my Mums cooking at the end of a working day, except I did it whilst I was at work!
  • Wearing wellies on walks
  • Homemade soup and fresh bread
  • Cups of tea on the sofa whilst it rains outside
  • Autumn seems slower and so I find more time to read
  • Bonfires (marshmallows on bonfires)
  • Fireworks in our village
  • Watching the stars
  • Empty beach walks wrapped up warm

…your turn, what are you grateful for as we step into Autumn? Comment below.

Cling to what is good

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

According to the power of google an adult makes 35,000 decisions a day, a child around 3,000. That’s everything from what to have for dinner tonight to what to wear and where to go. Most choices fall in to three categories: positive, negative and those we feel obliged to do, feeling like we don’t really have a choice.

As an adult I do feel that at times I need to make negative decisions for overall good, an example being telling my son off and setting consequences – in hope that he learns and grows into an adult with clear morals and boundaries. At the time of sanctioning him he would tell you it was a negative decision I’d made.

Not all choices are transparent and many come with a wealth of other choices, at times resulting in others taking control or contributing to the end result.

Many of us suffer from decision fatigue and with the stats so high, I’m not surprised. If you find yourself overwhelmed then the experts encourage you to pull back; have a duvet day, a social media detox and even better a week away from WiFi. Don’t answer the phone, relax and live in the moment where possible.

Except that is a short term issue. At the moment my son who is six years old is sneaky when I ask him to make one of his 3,000 choices for the day. He will say things like “I don’t mind” or “‘ask Daddy what he wants” in order to avoid conflict or people disliking his ideas. As a result, as parents we are now throwing him even more options…and not letting him wiggle out of them. It’s a tough love choice in hope that it will help him grow in resilience and assertiveness. More importantly we are asking him to ‘feel’ the decision, to reflect on what feels good, to reconnect with his instincts and to not be put off by other people’s reactions. Making choices in the moment that feel good are meant to be the best way to promote positive wellbeing and overall happiness in the long term. Without guides, I wonder how many adults are out of sync with their own sense of good? Making time to rest and play has never been so crucial for a blossoming and positive planet.

The grass is greener when you water it.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Neil Barringham

At the end of February we often get a few warm days, enough to shed a layer or two when you go out, enough so you need to find your sunglasses that you abandoned in September in a draw somewhere between the front door and the backdoor (or they could be in the car?) and enough for the Mr to say to me yesterday “I’m going to need to cut the grass again soon”

Grass doesn’t need much to thrive. However in the cold, dark and wet winters of the UK it barely grows at all, we rarely go out there and the grass is stagnant.

In life we often need to make choices every now and then, where do we put our time, love and sunlight? We look at other peoples lawns and often admire them not fully understanding the complexities of what they might be ‘growing’ through, we don’t see the moss patches, or the bald patches covered up by plant pots. A quick glimpse and it’s easy to wrongly see a lawn or someone else’s life in the wrong light.

Sometimes we can love our own lawn but feel the need to buy a new one just because… much like lawn maintenance, humans aren’t as simple as we believe.

Instead we need to mow our own lawns, perhaps put some extra attention of the bits that have been scorched by the sun, add new seeds, water and tend. We have a 160ft garden and it would take an awful lot of time to edge it. However, what we give our time and love to is what will thrive. Our health, relationships and careers all need time, love and attention too. The grass may be greener elsewhere but that’s not your concern. Water your own grass and watch it grow, add sunlight and see it thrive. Most importantly ignore the lawn and spend time with people you love. Mother Nature will sort it out, it’s a lawn – get a life and make that thrive.