positivevibes

Failure is success in progress

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Albert Einstein

What a quote! Five words that can reframe a negative into a success is an incredible achievement, especially when two of the five words are ‘is’ and ‘in’ – so it won’t surprise you that at fridge head quarters I am taking this powerful quote and sharing a story about a cup of tea.

I went to a friend’s house to see her gorgeous family this week. Before I arrived she had text me her address and suggested I parked on her driveway. Having never been to her home before I checked when I arrived whether where I had parked (blocking their cars in) was convenient, it transpired that I would need to move as her husband needed to pop out for some milk, as this discussion took place I was aware I was letting the November cold into their home, so I closed the door and the decision was made that he would go a little later. Like all ‘need milk’ plans this didn’t occur whilst I visited.

After hugs and a good natter, my friend offered me a beverage and we relocated to the kitchen to make it. I drink a huge variety of herbal teas so I’m not fussy how my breakfast tea is served, as she went to get the milk we were reminded that her husband hadn’t yet been to the shop. Comfortable without milk, I said it didn’t matter.

As she went to the fridge she remembered she had some oat milk and kindly offered me some. what I experienced next was a taste sensation…the oat milk took my traditional British cuppa to the next level and I enjoyed it immensely.

The immense taste meant I found myself purchasing oat milk so that my homemade cuppa’s could be equal in joy – my friend is now an influencer.

As I drove home I reflected on the cuppa experience, no doubt she felt annoyed that she didn’t have the ingredients she needed to hand, yet the outcome far exceeded my expectations. I thought of all the recipes I’ve cooked where I have had substituted items and things have gotten better, I thought about the Einsteins of the world who have proven theories by error, or whilst on a mission to solve a issue have found solutions for other issues…

Every time I sip my oat milk tea I am reminded that by reframing moments we can enrich our lives, that we are all working progress and we are all a dash of oat milk away from being better. We can’t always control the outcomes of life but we can enjoy the glimmers of joy when they show up. This week stay open to new opportunities, try oat milk in your tea and look for ways to improve moments that present themselves as negative.

You’re a cheeky chops

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

One of the beautiful things about my job is how varied it is. Someone I’m developing policies and working strategically to improve the efficiency for whole schools, year groups or working with individuals, aged sixteen and six foot tall or four years old and full of wisdom.

On Friday I found myself in a Reception classroom with little humans aged between four and five years old. It was the end of the day and the teaching team had the mammoth task of ensuring every small person had all of their personal items on them; Book bags, coats, packed lunch boxes, scarfs and gloves, a comfort teddy and a water bottle, a ruck sack…the next task what to get said items either in the ruck sack or on the little human, for them to waddle out of the door to the warm welcome of their parent or carer.

I did a sweep of the cloak area and found a black coat that a naive parent hadn’t labelled, it was black and purchase from Zara…as the adults looked for the little human without a coat we were struggling to reunite it. A little girl came over to me and prodded my thigh, for the purpose of this story I shall call her Bunches, as that was how her hair was styled. She said ‘I don’t have a coat’ – I showed ‘bunches’ the black Zara number and asked her if this was her coat, she thought for a while but her glaze didn’t convince me it was hers.

At that point a magisterial Muslim little girl came over and said in a patronising tone ‘Bunches, you wear that coat everyday, it’s YOUR coat!’

Bunches smiled at the Muslim little girl and pinched her cheeks ‘you are a cheeky chops’ she remarked, popped the coat on and returned to her space on the carpet. Myself and the other little girl were lost for words.

With the mystery of the abandoned coat seemingly resolved, I laughed at her response, imagining her parents responding with a cheeky chops affection.

Sometimes people (especially four year olds) don’t respond the way we think they may, sometimes people surprise you or in the case of Bunches, she certainly made me smile and giggle. In that moment she taught me a little bit of wisdom, always expect the unexpected and that guidance from friends is always welcome, even if she has cheeky chops.

Talking is good, even if the topic is silly

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote original from Fridgesays

As far back as I can recall my Mum and I have spent time together ‘talking sh*t’ – this means being silly, talking about nothing of importance and absolutely talking for the sake of talking. Sadly, I don’t live in walking distance of my parents, so I will often pick up the phone to ‘talk sh*t’ with her.

Mr F thinks it’s foolish but I’ve always felt it was good for the soul. Talking sh*t isn’t to be confused with gossip – that is often toxic and breeds discontent and negativity. Talking rubbish however, allows adults to play and often begins with a hypothetical scenario or an aspect of make believe.

Last night at the dinner table I asked my son what food he thought of when I said ‘dream meal’ – not what your dream meal is but what image you conjure in your mind, mine is a burger and his is a specific chicken burger, Mr F reluctantly joined in and said that he thought of pizza, he then asked why I had asked and I had to confess it was for no particular reason.

This morning I was in a supermarket grabbing some snacks after Rugby and I thought about last nights chat and whilst I got a pain au chocolat for myself, I got Mr F a pizza slice. As I handed it to him I remarked on how sometimes playing/chat for no good reason at the time allows us to better understand each other and that last nights dinner table banter had resulted in the manifestation of pizza slices, had we not have had the conversation we certainly all would have had pastries. He looked at me, as he often does with utter confusion and walked away.

I read this paragraph in another blog recently

Talking nonsense isn’t frivolous or meaningless. It’s an act of trust and love, a way of saying, “Here’s my unfiltered, quirky self,” and inviting the other person to respond in kind.

And it resonated with me. It made me reflect on my childhood and how, perhaps without knowing it my mother’s conversation with me were one of the many reasons I have such a clear sense of self. They often ended it laughter or a joke that only we shared and even when the topic was of a heavier nature, talking it through in a nonsensical manner meant the mood never deteriorated.

I’ll attach the link to the blog I read at the bottom of this post, it explores topics we have discussed on this blog previously about adults playing, being childish and how positive it is for mental health, but I can see that it’s also enriching as a shared activity, a bond and does allow you to better know those around you. Perhaps this week you might also ask some hypothetical questions over dinner; If you was a dog what breed would you be? If you had to pick a celebrity to be your best friend who would you select and why? The list of talking rubbish is endless but I think it might be the healthiest rubbish your body has ever absorbed. Lastly, a shout out to my Mum who’s always a phone call away to talk to.

As promised, link to article: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-joy-of-talking-nonsense-with-someone-you-love/

Listen to the birds not the news

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

Half way through the year and I can feel myself needing a pause. Not a holiday, or a distraction. Just time to revisit my goals and pause the pace of life. What did I want to achieve? Do those things still resonate? What is it that I truly desire? All large questions that can’t always be given the time during the hustle and bustle of the working week.

As a result, this morning I took myself off with a morning brew and sat in the sun. I listened to the birds – they had much to say and I let my mind wander. I can’t say I ‘thought’ as much as allowed the fleeting moments to pass.

I ended up grabbing a pad and pen and revisiting some of the larger questions mentioned earlier. I didn’t get caught up in the why or the how, I just let my pen float and the bird song did the rest.

After twenty minutes I felt rejuvenated, focused and ready to play the game of life. We had family plans and so I jumped back into family life. Later that evening we sat in the garden to eat dinner (a rare but always welcome occasion in the UK) and the bird song reoccurred. It was then that I realised what a luxury it was to pause life and how essential it was to listen to the birds, to listen to your inter voice and to close of the world’s distraction.

We don’t always need to escape but it’s essential that we pause. Sometimes routines can enhance our lives but at other times they can become so habitual that they no longer serve the current version of ourselves. I can see why writers often take themselves out of their homes to a cafe or park, a change of scenery or a brief break from our normal schedule can make all the difference in our lives. Whilst today I feel like the bird song background choir helped me process my vision, I’ve also reflected on my morning routine and how I can enhance my outcomes. Should you be blessed with a morning of sun, grab a drink and some paper/pen, it might just make your morning and it could change your life.

You’re not that important

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from ‘Blue Sisters’

Easter holidays are great in my opinion as it gives me even more time to read. In the last few days I’ve read four books and I’ve learnt that I like to take phrases, sections of overall moral lessons from books. It’s like learning from a journey without the hassle of leaving the house and you don’t have to worry about passports or tickets.

In Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors, the book reflects on four adult siblings, one has passed away and as the story continues you realise that they each blame themselves, feel they should have done more to prevent the death of their adored sister. Their mother wisely informs them ‘you’re not that important’ and it made me laugh and then reflect.

So often after a bereavement or loss such as job or relationship break down we think we should have done more, could have done something different to alter the paradigm we are now in. It’s also a time when the people around you will give you advice and it’s often deep and comes with a side order of best intensions and love.

That’s why I adore the advice; you’re not that important. People are complex beings that often make self absorbed decisions and forget to look ahead. We’re all often self absorbed that we don’t consider other peoples opinions or how our decisions might affect them. To an extent this is a good thing, if we thought things through thoroughly and weighed up all of the options we may find we’d never leave the house or do anything, we’d also be permanently crippled by anxiety and ‘what ifs’ would leave us paralysed in fear.

That said. we naturally want to help our loved ones and when things take a dark turn it’s natural for us to reflect on what we could of done to prevent the situation. However, we all need a little Mum advice, the best is often blunt and to the point…you aren’t that important. They did what they did because they wanted to. They made that move because they thought it was best, or perhaps they should have done something early but they were too scared or perhaps didn’t think it was important.

We can’t always alter others lives, we can give opinions when asked, we can offer guidance and practical solutions but this isn’t a Disney movie where epiphanies occur at just the right moment followed by a musical encore (disappointing I realise). Instead, listen carefully this week to those that do listen to you, that do make time for you – they think you’re important and don’t be offended by those that don’t. Instead, ensure you listen to yourself. You are the most influential person in your life.

Every cell in your body is evesdropping on your thoughts

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Quote anon

Physical health and mental health are linked, just as wellbeing and illness are opposite ends of a spectrum. The phrase ‘we are one’ has never been more correct. As an adult human you contains around 37 trillion human cells and 200 different cell types, even more wonderful is that these cells are in a life cycle of their own, rejuvenating continuously, so if you don’t feel like the same person you were a year or even a day ago, you’re right – you are now millions of new cells. The body is always moving, adapting and altering, whilst as humans we often hate change, the human body thrives on new cells.

Each of the 200 hundred different types of cells look different and alter to best cope with your unique setting. For example, Cells in the brain may be longer in shape so they can transmit signals more efficiently, whilst cells in the respiratory system are plump as they hold oxygen.

If we don’t feel at ease, our cells respond and the medical profession often call the result ‘disease’… our bodies are vessels that absorb our thoughts and react. So here’s the great news… your thoughts have the power to alter your cell health, think good thoughts and health follows…the downside; in this crazy world of fear and uncertainty, negative thoughts and experience’s often have a negative affect on our bodies. Ever been nervous before an interview and had an upset tummy at the same time? Been stressed and got a headache?

Time to become spiritual gardens. Just like a gardener (of which I am not the best) cultivates the land to create a beautiful open space, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and whether it serves our mind. Gardeners weed and take out invasive plants that can strangle and consume other plants that they want in their garden. Fearful thoughts and worry do the same to our positive thoughts.

Large trees can consume all the light and the smaller plants below can die because they aren’t receiving enough nutrients. Often we can see this in the early hours of the morning where the human brain can take a small problem, a seedling of inconvenience, and in the dark hours of the morning with nothing to distract us we can make that problem humongous and unbearable by catastrophising and going over the same issue several thousand times. However, in the light of day if you speak the issue over with a loved one they will often remind you that the ‘what ifs’ aren’t real and that the seedling issue can be resolved.

In essence, the solution is to think positive thoughts but I appreciate that is extremely hard to do and easy for me to type. However, we can always move to a better thought process. The way we do this is exactly the same as people in the gym become stronger. We need to do lots of repetitive actions (positive thoughts) until it becomes our normal setting. Personally, if something is wrong I always find it best to acknowledge it, but after that I reframe it to the best possible outcome I can visualise, after all 32 trillion cells are relying on me. For example, rather than say you are feeling ill, say you are healing. Rather than punish yourself for being late, appreciate the steps you took to ensure you didn’t completely miss the appointment or the effort it took you to get there. If you have experienced or are experiencing trauma, how can we learn from it? What action do you need to take?

I’m cautious not to ‘Princess positive’ life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often difficult and sometimes painful. Of course positive thoughts won’t miraculously cure you and it’s important to give all our emotions attention, if we begin to feel sad we need to be aware of why. What this quote does remind us is that our cell health is always listening and responding to our environment. So on this Sunday evening (or any evening you happen to stumble upon this article) reflect and take some time to think about where you are in life. What brings you peace, joy and pleasure, are there any aspects that make you anxious and that you can make alterations to? Keeping your cells happy, creates a better you to move into tomorrow.

Life is short and it’s here to be lived

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Quote by Kate Winslett

When you are fabulous you don’t need to take any dramatic action in January. I honestly believe the month is for snuggling through, lighting candles and being gentle to yourself. The skies are grey and the mood, absent of Christmas twinkle can be heavy. Nobody needs to reinvent themselves, to put on Lycra and pound the pathways at 5am. Unless you are a rabbit then lettuce is also not necessary to consume, it’s out of season and what your body needs is comfort and warmth…in fact now I’ve given it some thought I have a odd feeling that not even rabbits are meant to eat lettuce? Isn’t it bad for them? In which case lettuce is probably catastrophic for you to munch in January.

I did make an incredible New Year’s resolution about seven or eight years ago and I’ve stuck to it ever since. I decided to not purchase items of clothing without pockets. Pockets bring me immense joy and let’s face it, they’re useful. So I’m not anti New Year’s resolutions, in fact in the same spirit as pocket power, I’m planning a similar resolution this year. Something that adds to my existence not makes me cold, sad and inadequate.

I’m not a sweet toothed princess, but I do really enjoy dark chocolate. I often have a piece each evening, a square from a generic supermarket purchase bar…for Christmas Mr Fs parents bought me some perfume and some very posh chocolate. The box was gold and came wrapped in a beautiful gold bow. Tonight the house is empty (the boys are at Rugby training) and I made myself a hot drink, snuggled in front of the fire and remembered the posh chocolate.

As I opened the box it felt indulgent and exciting. The ribbon was too beautiful to be discarded so I placed it in my hair. I then had the best decision to make – which chocolate to select! I went for a dark chocolate with little pieces of coconut on top. I then closed the box and I’m already looking forward to tomorrow evenings choice.

With the ribbon firmly in my hair, I made a decision: this year I will purchase hand made chocolate (locally sourced where possible) and each evening I will have one delightful bite of joy! Why? Because it makes me happy, because everyone needs more ribbons in their ribbon box (it’s true the majority of women have a ribbon box, much like men have little trays of odd pieces of metal and a draw full of cable ties) and I love the romance of ending each day with a little moment of indulgence. This resolution is already exiting me. I’ll absolutely keep to it and it will improve my chocolate experience and support local businesses.

If you are looking to upgrade twenty twenty-five then make sure it is something that will bring you joy and happiness, we can bring back salads in the warmer months and snuggle our way through the colder months. Resolutions are something to stick to, so make sure anything you decide enhances your experience of life.

Does the process know we are trusting it?

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

It will get better. It will come good in the end. You’ll be ok….ummm, will I?

Trusting the process is super easy with two elements; the passage of time and hindsight. Prior to completing the task or process you are only human if you feel lost and doubtful.

It’s Saturday afternoon and it’s raining, the bleak light and the grey skies are doing everything they can to pull me into a dark mood. Last week I wrote an upbeat post titled ‘Why not me?’ this week I’m sat in a negative thought pattern of despair and ‘why me?’ (Add violin music and a night background of rain, lightly trickling down a window paine). I’m not very good at being negative and I particularly suck when there really isn’t a reason to feel down…it would be easy to make a list of all the things I’m grateful for but at this moment in time that feels far to contrived and a life time away from where I am and how I feel.

What can I do? Well, in this moment I check in on myself with a dash of ‘ Maslows hierarchy of need’ . Educators will be down with Mas’s theory and it’s certainly worth a google but in essence to be our most transcendent and actualised self, to truly thrive we need all of the elements at the bottom of the pyramid as our foundation. At the bottom is ‘physiology’ and this means our basic needs; sleep, food and shelter, the next level is safety and this can often be missing in our day to day lives meaning we can’t focus on bigger objectives. Staying at the bottom of the pyramid a little longer I’m noting that I’ve slept well, I’m home safe and I have just eaten – however, don’t underestimate how poor your mental health can dip if one of these basic human rights is missing. Often after a busy day I’ll slouch on the sofa and realise I haven’t eaten or drunk anything since the day before.

Like a spoilt princess my Maslow pyramid is looking sturdy, so what am I going to do? Next is movement – have I left the house, moved my body and allow prosocial chemicals to mix into my blood steam. Thanks to a demanding four legged house mate, I have been out in nature today. I walked the dog for about forty five minutes and we even went to a forest where the autumn canopy was showing off her best colour display.

Lastly, it’s OK. Today I feel down, I don’t have a reason why, I don’t need to do anything about it either. I’m just going to treat myself like a sad best friend. I’m going to make a warm drink and take the afternoon slowly and with ease. I’m not going to socialise – nobody needs my company in this moment and I don’t have the need to be around humans. I might light some candles, I will ignore house chores and I may read a book or watch a film. In this moment I don’t trust the process that everything will work out well, this afternoon will not go down in Lucy history as the best I’ve ever lived. I will avoid social media because I don’t need to see friends living their best life and that’s a kindness boundary that I need to put in place for myself today.

I’m not sure if the process knows we are trusting it and im not sure I want to today? Perhaps tomorrow we will give the process a hug and apologise for being a doubting diva, perhaps we will visualise and manifest, but don’t think you always have to be on track and making progress. Humans are complex beings and existing in 2024 can be hazardous to our wellbeing and mental load…be kind to yourself and check in regularly with what you need. Today I need nothing and that’s ok too.

Each morning peace knocks at your door in the form of choice

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote taken from a meme and adapted

When I first saw this meme it made me pause from the whirling, hectic pace of life. Not many things do that, as I thought about it more – that we can make choices and that whilst many things are done to us, we do get to decide how we react to them, I found great power in this concept.

I use the word ‘concept’ as we are often programmed to react and whilst we have a choice our subconscious kicks in and we react to old patterns of behaviour like familiar winter coats, even though the coat doesn’t fit any longer or serve us in the moment – we keep wearing it.

One of the ways I have chosen to ‘choose peace’ is by taking a couple of minutes in bed in the morning before getting out. To not fall into the day and let it absorb me but to take a moment to step back (or in my case, snuggle down) and consciously step into my day, deciding how I’m going to feel. I will always choose peace.

If you can find moments to step back, moments to not speak and to let silence do the work for you, peace can follow. That said, leaving your subconscious reactions behind takes the work of a Jedi and I’m certainly no expert. Pausing takes practise and perhaps that’s part of the game of life.

There are however a handful of quick wins that you can use if you need a little more peace…

  • Book some time in your week, it could be a bubble bath, but it doesn’t need to be that complex…take half an hour and just sit
  • Review your tribe. Spend time with people that fill your cup with joy. If that isn’t possible, then make sure you minimise interactions or go into scenarios with toxic people being kind to yourself
  • Catch yourself: currently I’m playing this game where I step out of myself to listen to the ridiculous argument myself and my family are having. If I can reduce an argument about putting socks in the laundry basket by five minutes, we all win
  • Seek peace; make time to walk in nature, get outside, hug a tree, walk – whatever makes you feel centred and solid

The last tip is to live this quote on a daily cycle…keep choosing peace until it becomes your subconscious setting. I’m not sure how long this takes, but I have a feeling that just stepping nearer to a peaceful life is a worthy endeavour.

The right people hear you differently

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Quote Anon

Recently I was in a yoga class and at the start my teacher was explaining how she was enjoying Instagram, that much like a garden she had cultivated AI to make her feed wholesome and positive. It made me reflect on my own social media and I agreed that I didn’t often see any negative comments online any longer and that my feed was full of my personal enjoyments – things like baking or yoga, positive quotes, book recommendations etc that fill my cup up.

Online I don’t follow thousands of people but there are about ten to fifteen people that I regularly see and enjoy there content. I even have a handful of people that I’ve followed for so long, they feel like friends. We share content and tag each other and I’m pretty sure if they lived local I would enjoy there company. One of them is called Hannah, she’s a mother to about a thousand children (well, more than two) and a million chickens (this I might not be exaggerating), she has enjoyments and similar nature based loves that resonate with me. Randomly, I also follow her husband? A similarly hairy dude to my other half. Anyway, this week Hannah posted a bread roll bake that she had made…they looked incredible. She then kindly and without me asking, sent me a link to the recipe.

I gave the rolls a go and oh my! The joy level was amazing. They came out super fluffy and light.

I baked them on Friday evening at stupid o’clock (gone are the days of clubbing and drinking) I was sipping green tea and watching piles of dough expand. Saturday morning we devoured three with bacon. Yesterday evening three more were consumed as I made homemade chicken burgers in breadcrumbs with mozzarella, lettuce, mayo. Two are requested for tomorrow’s packed lunches.

The process of making them was satisfying and I’ll be making them again, but joy was also found in private messaging Hannah with the process and celebrating my success…seriously baking break always makes me feel proud and if it doesn’t go well, I enjoy unpicking and perfecting the process.

Social media often gets a bad press and for many valid reasons, but in the spirit of keeping things positive I hope this post reminds you that you can cultivate a mini online world of things you enjoy. You also, might be blessed to make connections with people that geographically you could never call friends and would never have the joy of meeting but they still enhance your world. So let’s raise our cups of tea, to all the lovely humans that the internet helps us to connect us with. Hannah is @bloomsandhens and she recently got a puppy! My online bestie is Lincoln’s goddess to a sunset photo @sammanfa1 and @backtobrickbungalow who is building a amazing home for her daughter Rosie called ‘Muriel’s place’ and I love it for her real content and DIY drama…no posh aesthetic here, just a woman crushed by life (frigging men) and the dream of a place to call home. I’ve also realised that these three women are all living up north? So if like me you’re as southern in the UK as possible and need a splash of northern joy to your life – give them a follow.