motivation

Listen to the birds not the news

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

Half way through the year and I can feel myself needing a pause. Not a holiday, or a distraction. Just time to revisit my goals and pause the pace of life. What did I want to achieve? Do those things still resonate? What is it that I truly desire? All large questions that can’t always be given the time during the hustle and bustle of the working week.

As a result, this morning I took myself off with a morning brew and sat in the sun. I listened to the birds – they had much to say and I let my mind wander. I can’t say I ‘thought’ as much as allowed the fleeting moments to pass.

I ended up grabbing a pad and pen and revisiting some of the larger questions mentioned earlier. I didn’t get caught up in the why or the how, I just let my pen float and the bird song did the rest.

After twenty minutes I felt rejuvenated, focused and ready to play the game of life. We had family plans and so I jumped back into family life. Later that evening we sat in the garden to eat dinner (a rare but always welcome occasion in the UK) and the bird song reoccurred. It was then that I realised what a luxury it was to pause life and how essential it was to listen to the birds, to listen to your inter voice and to close of the world’s distraction.

We don’t always need to escape but it’s essential that we pause. Sometimes routines can enhance our lives but at other times they can become so habitual that they no longer serve the current version of ourselves. I can see why writers often take themselves out of their homes to a cafe or park, a change of scenery or a brief break from our normal schedule can make all the difference in our lives. Whilst today I feel like the bird song background choir helped me process my vision, I’ve also reflected on my morning routine and how I can enhance my outcomes. Should you be blessed with a morning of sun, grab a drink and some paper/pen, it might just make your morning and it could change your life.

Everything is a choice

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Having a choice feels free and exciting, it means you are in control and as humans we like to be (or like to think) we are in control. That said, as an adult I have the choice of choosing what my family eats EVERY DAY and it’s exhausting! Some choice opportunities are better than others.

At times, life can give us multiple choices that again, can become overwhelming and sometimes that smallest of choices can drain our souls (did I mention picking my families menu for the week?)

We can also feel like we don’t have a choice and that can be just as terrifying. The quote suggests that we always have a choice and whilst I agree I think it’s important to remember that nothing in life is ever simple. Let’s take the scenario that you’re in a cafe and the waitress brings you over a latte, only you ordered tea. You may think you can’t do anything about it but this small issue can be altered by many different outcomes, here’s a few choices you could consider;

  • Drink the latte
  • Look confused and hope the waitress has telepathically worked out the error
  • Order a new beverage
  • Politely remind the waitress of your order and ask for her to take the latte back and bring you a tea
  • Sulk – but do nothing
  • Leave without drinking anything

You may think you don’t have a choice, your social etiquette and anxiety may prevent you from doing anything but that in itself doesn’t stop the choice being there.

Outcomes are something that we sometimes didn’t choose and wouldn’t want for ourselves. It can feel like our choices haven’t been taken into account, which in itself can feel awful. Not so much with incorrect drink orders but larger outcomes like not getting the job we applied for, the paperwork we need, a medical diagnosis or experiencing fertility outcomes we hadn’t thought possible. This is where the magic lies. Warning : it doesn’t feel like magic at the time, it feels like swallowing bricks. Sometimes, we can’t change the outcome but we do still have a choice in how we react and move on from the outcome given to us. This often means letting go of how we perceived the situation was going to work out. (Note: this is hard!) However, if we can let go of the hows and the when’s, then we allow magic to enter that often allows us to achieve our outcome.

I should also add, we are all working this out as we go. Life doesn’t have a manual but what I can offer you is billions of choices in each life time. Studies have recently shared that as adults we make 122 choices on average each day, the fun part is that half of these we then alter. The best thing you can do on your current path is be content with the choices you do have and let go of ‘how’ the outcome is achieved. Great news is that if you haven’t liked anything I’ve written about you have the choice to stop reading, that said I hope you keep returning for more content. Perhaps everything really is a choice?

The ending won’t end you

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K.Tolnoe

On 17th September 2023 I began a painting challenge. It involved one hundred Pantone cards and the idea was to paint one a week. I introduced myself to using Gouche paint and the reason I began was not only to have a creative outlet but to develop a skill.

A couple of weeks ago I painted card number fifty six. However, I haven’t been enjoying the process for some time and have missed weeks or painted things that didn’t interest me. I am extremely good at seeing things through, even if they are a little dull or tough but I realised that this challenge was no longer serving me and had in fact become an unnecessary burden.

Ladies and gentlemen we don’t do burdens at fridge central. Life is too short. So we did the sensible thing and put out paintbrushes back in their pockets (clean obviously). Does it bother me that I didn’t finish at least on a round number, preferable a ten – yes! But sitting and painting four paintings I don’t wish to do is not something I am going to spend energy on.

Luckily, I am generally good at seeing things through, so I’m not abandoning a challenge half way through and recognising a pattern that concerns me, nor will I concern my inner critic over the abandonment – why? Honestly, we killed her off a long time ago, I try to do things that keep me creative, learning and sparking joy but not at the cost of feeling bored.

I do enjoy painting the little squares I did manage to complete and I also plan to return to the challenge at a later point. However, I know myself well enough to realise it was no longer serving me. Sure in adult land that are many things we have to do, but when it comes to some aspects they are options, for example if you don’t enjoy the gym, venture outside for a run, try taking a class or perhaps find your own challenge to reignite your exercise habits.

I also found other benefits to this creative process such as, seeing improvements in my skill, learning to laugh at the process when things went wrong (embarrassingly wrong) and carving some time for myself away from the demands of work and family life to do something for me. I definitely prefer painting in winter, snuggled in front of the fire. So perhaps in a few months I shall find those paint brushes and start phase two of ‘100 Pantone challenge’ until then you’ll find me outside exploring this wonderful world and soaking up the sun.

You’re not that important

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Quote from ‘Blue Sisters’

Easter holidays are great in my opinion as it gives me even more time to read. In the last few days I’ve read four books and I’ve learnt that I like to take phrases, sections of overall moral lessons from books. It’s like learning from a journey without the hassle of leaving the house and you don’t have to worry about passports or tickets.

In Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors, the book reflects on four adult siblings, one has passed away and as the story continues you realise that they each blame themselves, feel they should have done more to prevent the death of their adored sister. Their mother wisely informs them ‘you’re not that important’ and it made me laugh and then reflect.

So often after a bereavement or loss such as job or relationship break down we think we should have done more, could have done something different to alter the paradigm we are now in. It’s also a time when the people around you will give you advice and it’s often deep and comes with a side order of best intensions and love.

That’s why I adore the advice; you’re not that important. People are complex beings that often make self absorbed decisions and forget to look ahead. We’re all often self absorbed that we don’t consider other peoples opinions or how our decisions might affect them. To an extent this is a good thing, if we thought things through thoroughly and weighed up all of the options we may find we’d never leave the house or do anything, we’d also be permanently crippled by anxiety and ‘what ifs’ would leave us paralysed in fear.

That said. we naturally want to help our loved ones and when things take a dark turn it’s natural for us to reflect on what we could of done to prevent the situation. However, we all need a little Mum advice, the best is often blunt and to the point…you aren’t that important. They did what they did because they wanted to. They made that move because they thought it was best, or perhaps they should have done something early but they were too scared or perhaps didn’t think it was important.

We can’t always alter others lives, we can give opinions when asked, we can offer guidance and practical solutions but this isn’t a Disney movie where epiphanies occur at just the right moment followed by a musical encore (disappointing I realise). Instead, listen carefully this week to those that do listen to you, that do make time for you – they think you’re important and don’t be offended by those that don’t. Instead, ensure you listen to yourself. You are the most influential person in your life.

Kindness heals

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Recently I have been the recipient of kindness and I wanted to pass it on. This blog comes with an affiliated link but if that’s not your thing, then just don’t press the link. That said, as always at fridgesays this blog is worth the read for a hopefully warm glow.

In November, I had a period that was so intense it made me vomit. If I can move around I’m usually fine, but mother nature struck when I found myself in a three hour board meeting, wearing a pencil skirt in a room with little ventilation, to say it was less than ideal was an understatement but once I was out of the meeting and able to move I soon felt better. My friend in the meeting, Kelly commented that she saw me go pale before I exited for the ladies facilities. Like a pro I returned but we joked on the way home that there was no way I could have hidden a hot water bottle under my skirt, that is not a pro move, so suffer it was.

A couple of days later in the office Kelly said she had a gift for me:

https://amzn.to/3ESlyf4 (link if you’d like to know more) . It was this box of three heated pain relief pads, that claim to be discreet and last for 12 hours….

Let’s take a pause to thank the gorgeous Kelly for seeing these and thinking of me, that to me is true kindness. Having a tribe of wonderful people around me is the greatest gift a person could ask for.

During my menstruation cycle in January I gave them a whirl and I was blown away! A simple peel of the wrapper and it stuck in place all day and most of the evening. The product provides a gentle heat (not intense as a hot water bottle) and the warmth kept coming. I honestly didn’t believe it would last 12 hours. The pad I used was still producing warmth 16 hours later… who knew iron and carbon could heal pain and how does warmth actually heal? In essence, heat causes the blood vessels in that area to dilate, enhancing perfusion to the targeted tissue. For under £2 for three pads that’s a lot of healing for little expense.

I will certainly be purchasing more, to be able to stick one in place and get on with my day whilst receiving a warm hug where needed is an absolute game changer as a full time working parent. I also plan to buy a few as gifts, one for a friend who really suffers with her menstruation and another who has a daughter about to start her periods. These would have been so handy when I was at school, trying to focus on the lesson content but equally feeling like my uterus was doing the can-can. Kindness matters and whilst I’m grateful to Kelly for her kind act, I’m also an advocate for passing kindness on to others.

Like I said, if you have a sad uterus in your life, click the link and give these a whirl.

observe, don’t absorb

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

It was Friday, the sun was shining and I’d just come out of a wonderful but intense yoga session, I’d opted for poses that were challenging and I’d managed to survive! The class was made up of a group of women and I was pleased to see a man had joined, after all such a practice should be open to all. He was on the other side of the room to me and honestly was irrelevant once the class began, mainly as I went into ‘yoga mode’ where only my mat and me exist against the elements.

Yoga classes are a mental battle of keeping up, keeping still, listening, focus and trying to do my best whilst politely asking my inner thoughts to not become egotistical or full of self sabotage, there’s a lot more than a down dog going on, plus when I’m upside down I often lose track of my left and right.

As I made my way to my car, yoga mat slung over my shoulder the man approached and made small talk about the class. I agreed and upon reaching my car closed the conversation down with a comment about enjoying the weekend.

I beeped the key fob of my car and he said ‘ohhh that makes sense… you’re one of those women, everything perfect and supported by your husband, easy breezy’ – I was stunned and lost for words, we had gone from the adrenaline high of a yoga class, polite chat and suddenly my entire being was being attacked.

I stumbled on words whilst putting my mat in my car and felt his male ego stab me. Then I felt the fire in my soul burn as rage ensued. I said ‘Actually, not that it’s any of your f***ing business but I’m financially independent. If I am perfect it’s because I don’t walk around judging others, see you next week’ I then went to close my door and uttered the words ‘what a sad person’

This is where the magic happened. I have been stumbled and verbally attacked previously, most of us have. I’ve learnt to not give the other person my power nor allow myself to be held down with sadness or anger caused by others. By the time I’d reversed out of my parking spot I was smiling and back to feeling good, reflecting on my class practise and letting go of any negative energy. The rollercoaster of the high of my exercise to the low of being attacked, right back to feeling good was probably less than a minute.

Historically,!I may have driven off in rage, I’m not the type to not verbally retaliate (I’ll work on it as I know there is also power in silence) but I was proud of speaking up but also not entering into a situation. You see any judgement that was made about me was not only incorrect, it wasn’t about me. The insult was about his ability, perception or inner demons, the clear jealous comment was his to own. The fact he felt able to share this shows great privilege on his part and also sadness. My life is too precious to adopt emotions that belong to others, especially someone I’ve never met before.

Should you ever find yourself verbally attacked, or if out of the blue someone’s word are aimed towards you like an arrow. Simply retaliate by taking their arrow and bending it into a boomerang. You deserve to be surrounded by people that build you up, make you feel good and support you. Anything less is responded much like the quote ‘don’t absorb’

Every cell in your body is evesdropping on your thoughts

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Quote anon

Physical health and mental health are linked, just as wellbeing and illness are opposite ends of a spectrum. The phrase ‘we are one’ has never been more correct. As an adult human you contains around 37 trillion human cells and 200 different cell types, even more wonderful is that these cells are in a life cycle of their own, rejuvenating continuously, so if you don’t feel like the same person you were a year or even a day ago, you’re right – you are now millions of new cells. The body is always moving, adapting and altering, whilst as humans we often hate change, the human body thrives on new cells.

Each of the 200 hundred different types of cells look different and alter to best cope with your unique setting. For example, Cells in the brain may be longer in shape so they can transmit signals more efficiently, whilst cells in the respiratory system are plump as they hold oxygen.

If we don’t feel at ease, our cells respond and the medical profession often call the result ‘disease’… our bodies are vessels that absorb our thoughts and react. So here’s the great news… your thoughts have the power to alter your cell health, think good thoughts and health follows…the downside; in this crazy world of fear and uncertainty, negative thoughts and experience’s often have a negative affect on our bodies. Ever been nervous before an interview and had an upset tummy at the same time? Been stressed and got a headache?

Time to become spiritual gardens. Just like a gardener (of which I am not the best) cultivates the land to create a beautiful open space, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and whether it serves our mind. Gardeners weed and take out invasive plants that can strangle and consume other plants that they want in their garden. Fearful thoughts and worry do the same to our positive thoughts.

Large trees can consume all the light and the smaller plants below can die because they aren’t receiving enough nutrients. Often we can see this in the early hours of the morning where the human brain can take a small problem, a seedling of inconvenience, and in the dark hours of the morning with nothing to distract us we can make that problem humongous and unbearable by catastrophising and going over the same issue several thousand times. However, in the light of day if you speak the issue over with a loved one they will often remind you that the ‘what ifs’ aren’t real and that the seedling issue can be resolved.

In essence, the solution is to think positive thoughts but I appreciate that is extremely hard to do and easy for me to type. However, we can always move to a better thought process. The way we do this is exactly the same as people in the gym become stronger. We need to do lots of repetitive actions (positive thoughts) until it becomes our normal setting. Personally, if something is wrong I always find it best to acknowledge it, but after that I reframe it to the best possible outcome I can visualise, after all 32 trillion cells are relying on me. For example, rather than say you are feeling ill, say you are healing. Rather than punish yourself for being late, appreciate the steps you took to ensure you didn’t completely miss the appointment or the effort it took you to get there. If you have experienced or are experiencing trauma, how can we learn from it? What action do you need to take?

I’m cautious not to ‘Princess positive’ life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often difficult and sometimes painful. Of course positive thoughts won’t miraculously cure you and it’s important to give all our emotions attention, if we begin to feel sad we need to be aware of why. What this quote does remind us is that our cell health is always listening and responding to our environment. So on this Sunday evening (or any evening you happen to stumble upon this article) reflect and take some time to think about where you are in life. What brings you peace, joy and pleasure, are there any aspects that make you anxious and that you can make alterations to? Keeping your cells happy, creates a better you to move into tomorrow.

Life is short and it’s here to be lived

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Quote by Kate Winslett

When you are fabulous you don’t need to take any dramatic action in January. I honestly believe the month is for snuggling through, lighting candles and being gentle to yourself. The skies are grey and the mood, absent of Christmas twinkle can be heavy. Nobody needs to reinvent themselves, to put on Lycra and pound the pathways at 5am. Unless you are a rabbit then lettuce is also not necessary to consume, it’s out of season and what your body needs is comfort and warmth…in fact now I’ve given it some thought I have a odd feeling that not even rabbits are meant to eat lettuce? Isn’t it bad for them? In which case lettuce is probably catastrophic for you to munch in January.

I did make an incredible New Year’s resolution about seven or eight years ago and I’ve stuck to it ever since. I decided to not purchase items of clothing without pockets. Pockets bring me immense joy and let’s face it, they’re useful. So I’m not anti New Year’s resolutions, in fact in the same spirit as pocket power, I’m planning a similar resolution this year. Something that adds to my existence not makes me cold, sad and inadequate.

I’m not a sweet toothed princess, but I do really enjoy dark chocolate. I often have a piece each evening, a square from a generic supermarket purchase bar…for Christmas Mr Fs parents bought me some perfume and some very posh chocolate. The box was gold and came wrapped in a beautiful gold bow. Tonight the house is empty (the boys are at Rugby training) and I made myself a hot drink, snuggled in front of the fire and remembered the posh chocolate.

As I opened the box it felt indulgent and exciting. The ribbon was too beautiful to be discarded so I placed it in my hair. I then had the best decision to make – which chocolate to select! I went for a dark chocolate with little pieces of coconut on top. I then closed the box and I’m already looking forward to tomorrow evenings choice.

With the ribbon firmly in my hair, I made a decision: this year I will purchase hand made chocolate (locally sourced where possible) and each evening I will have one delightful bite of joy! Why? Because it makes me happy, because everyone needs more ribbons in their ribbon box (it’s true the majority of women have a ribbon box, much like men have little trays of odd pieces of metal and a draw full of cable ties) and I love the romance of ending each day with a little moment of indulgence. This resolution is already exiting me. I’ll absolutely keep to it and it will improve my chocolate experience and support local businesses.

If you are looking to upgrade twenty twenty-five then make sure it is something that will bring you joy and happiness, we can bring back salads in the warmer months and snuggle our way through the colder months. Resolutions are something to stick to, so make sure anything you decide enhances your experience of life.

Quiet places and soft moments

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Quote by Franchella

Warning this post contains joy and indulgence, some readers may be allergic.

It’s blursday, somewhere between Christmas and new year and I’m in front of the fire, snuggled and content. This my wonderful readers is the dream. If you turn on your tv or scroll the web, the commercials will tell you that you need to lose weight and that their product can help, that this year you’ll achieve your dreams…let me share with you a wonderful moment ahead of the glitz of Christmas.

I was sat on my sofa at home, snuggled under a homemade blanket, it was freshly washed (guests due to arrive within twenty four hours) and Mr F bought me a huge mug of hot peppermint tea. It was quiet (an odd occurrence in my home) and I was watching the lights and decorations on our Christmas tree sparkle, the TV was off. The magic of Christmas shouldn’t have begun but my heart felt full. Perhaps it was the anticipation of what was to come or perhaps it was simply perfect.

Over the last few days of Christmas festivities, my Mum mentioned that the highlights of this Christmas were the small things, that in life often pleasure is found in the simple moments. It was a welcome lesson I’ve relearnt many times and always brings me joy. Giggles on a dog walk, a left over sandwich (far superior than the grand meal from the previous day), seeing the sun attempt to shine, thoughtful gifts…simple pleasures, a wink, a smile, a hug.

About a week ago I purchased a pink fluffy jacket for a friend and when it arrived from Vinted I was envious, I tried it on (mistake one) and whilst it was a little big for me it was joyfully snuggly. Mr F thought I’d purchase it for myself and I explained my jealous situation. I couldn’t deny my friend the fluffy joy, but could I deny myself? Then I had a melt down, this isn’t uncommon in my household. Sometimes my princess ways bubble out of control, Mr F said I should just keep it…but my conscious wouldn’t allow it. He asked how much it was – Topshop, £4 and then he said ‘buy yourself another one’…what a man ladies and gentlemen! So I scrolled and I found one in my size with labels for £5…today it arrived and I am wearing the pink fluffy jacket and the goodness continues. My friend and I can now twin and wear them at the same time, we’ll look like giant marshmallows or Care Bears. I don’t feel bad as I didn’t deny her pink fluff joy and I indulged myself so I’m happy too. Where’s this going?

Sometimes a five pound jacket makes you happy, sometimes moments of quiet can refill your cup and soft fabrics can warm your soul…as we head out of blursday and into the new year, be kind to yourself. Eat well but eat happy, look out for glimmer moments that remind you life is good. So many people search for big dreams when I honestly believe peace, warmth and stillness is an achievable dream for us all. If you want to create this dream then vinted have plenty of pink fluffy coats (we can all twin!) …don’t deny yourself small pleasures and don’t underestimate the joy in the quieter moments that life can offer, you just need to be still long enough to enjoy them. Blessings.

Does the process know we are trusting it?

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It will get better. It will come good in the end. You’ll be ok….ummm, will I?

Trusting the process is super easy with two elements; the passage of time and hindsight. Prior to completing the task or process you are only human if you feel lost and doubtful.

It’s Saturday afternoon and it’s raining, the bleak light and the grey skies are doing everything they can to pull me into a dark mood. Last week I wrote an upbeat post titled ‘Why not me?’ this week I’m sat in a negative thought pattern of despair and ‘why me?’ (Add violin music and a night background of rain, lightly trickling down a window paine). I’m not very good at being negative and I particularly suck when there really isn’t a reason to feel down…it would be easy to make a list of all the things I’m grateful for but at this moment in time that feels far to contrived and a life time away from where I am and how I feel.

What can I do? Well, in this moment I check in on myself with a dash of ‘ Maslows hierarchy of need’ . Educators will be down with Mas’s theory and it’s certainly worth a google but in essence to be our most transcendent and actualised self, to truly thrive we need all of the elements at the bottom of the pyramid as our foundation. At the bottom is ‘physiology’ and this means our basic needs; sleep, food and shelter, the next level is safety and this can often be missing in our day to day lives meaning we can’t focus on bigger objectives. Staying at the bottom of the pyramid a little longer I’m noting that I’ve slept well, I’m home safe and I have just eaten – however, don’t underestimate how poor your mental health can dip if one of these basic human rights is missing. Often after a busy day I’ll slouch on the sofa and realise I haven’t eaten or drunk anything since the day before.

Like a spoilt princess my Maslow pyramid is looking sturdy, so what am I going to do? Next is movement – have I left the house, moved my body and allow prosocial chemicals to mix into my blood steam. Thanks to a demanding four legged house mate, I have been out in nature today. I walked the dog for about forty five minutes and we even went to a forest where the autumn canopy was showing off her best colour display.

Lastly, it’s OK. Today I feel down, I don’t have a reason why, I don’t need to do anything about it either. I’m just going to treat myself like a sad best friend. I’m going to make a warm drink and take the afternoon slowly and with ease. I’m not going to socialise – nobody needs my company in this moment and I don’t have the need to be around humans. I might light some candles, I will ignore house chores and I may read a book or watch a film. In this moment I don’t trust the process that everything will work out well, this afternoon will not go down in Lucy history as the best I’ve ever lived. I will avoid social media because I don’t need to see friends living their best life and that’s a kindness boundary that I need to put in place for myself today.

I’m not sure if the process knows we are trusting it and im not sure I want to today? Perhaps tomorrow we will give the process a hug and apologise for being a doubting diva, perhaps we will visualise and manifest, but don’t think you always have to be on track and making progress. Humans are complex beings and existing in 2024 can be hazardous to our wellbeing and mental load…be kind to yourself and check in regularly with what you need. Today I need nothing and that’s ok too.