gratitude

You can’t rush something you want to last forever

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

I saw this quote in a magazine, it was in the background on a photograph of quotes hanging on a wall with a celebrity posing in front.

It made me think what I would like to last forever; health, my favourite flavour crisp, financial security, love, gravity… forever is a long time, and with a human life span almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.

In marriage ceremonies people often exchange ‘forever’ vows that can end up in divorce. Much of the data around marriages and divorces is currently unreliable due to the impact of the lockdowns. The highest year for marriages in the UK was 1972 – 426,241 couples married that year. In 2019 it had declined by 48%. Of course the topic hugely varies with many factors from cultural, ethnic, age and regions with variations in patterns across the UK. In terms of our topic of ‘forever’ some say that despite divorce, love can sometimes transcend the court papers. The other issue is defining love is hugely variable between individual’s.

That said, in the UK we are very good at building castles, buildings that stand for centuries. Whilst Germany has the most castles in Europe, Wales has the most per square mile and England has over 1,500. When you look at the ‘castle’ classification list you see that for a building to be classified as a castle in needs a certain number of bricks and that’s when it hit me!

Foundations. These often last forever, or beyond a human life span, far less fickle than love. As we reflect on the week ahead what foundations have you laid for future generations? I’m not talking pestle and mortar (unless you built your house which I think is very cool) but what will be your legacy? The great news is you’ve already begun laying it and you’ll continue until the day you die.

How you treat people, how you make them feel and of course the support you give are often how we recall loved ones who had passed away. You can’t rush a legacy because it’s ongoing, ever moving and not always our ‘best work’ – much like UK divorce rates, individual relationships vary and that’s ok. With each new day you lay another brick on your structure, you can’t rush the important pieces and you can’t rush the sections that make you feel uncomfortable. Building a life takes a life time, that too unprecedented and hugely varying in length. So make sure you use the time you do have wisely and add a sparkly brick every now and then.

Sometimes you’ll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by D Seuss

Moments come and moments go. Sometimes frightfully as our basal ganglia and cerebellum kick in to action and we drive our cars on a familiar journeys, arrive at a destination and have little memory of how we got there?

Other moments stay in our core and it’s these id like to take a moment to think about. You may have seen online or even read my blog on glimmer moments (Click here to read) but I had a wonderful core moment when making a bolognaise for dinner that I’d like to share.

I was listening to a podcast and making dinner, thinking about the next steps of turning the bolognaise in front of me into a lasagne. I suddenly remembered that earlier that morning I’d made a loaf of sourdough. I cut off the edge (absolutely the best part of a fresh loaf in my humble opinion) and dipped it into the bolognaise. It’s important that I share that I’m not a ‘picker’ when I cook so this felt indulgent and not something I’d usually think to do. As I squeezed the crusted edge between my fingers and carefully wiped around the edge of the pan I suddenly remembered my Mum and I doing the exact same thing when I was a child!

My hippocampus lit up like a Christmas tree. I felt absolute joy and comfort as my long term memories, these deep core memories came to the forefront. I could see myself by the side of my Mum fighting for ‘the best bit’ like school children. Whispering so that my Dad didn’t know what we were up to, which is hilarious in retrospect as he wouldn’t be bothered and doesn’t eat bolognaise, trying not to burn our fingers and usually always grabbing another piece of bread to share.

Childhood is often made of these wholesome moments. Whether it’s the smell of crayons or freshly cut grass, the taste of a particular sweet treat or a song on the radio that takes you back to the ‘live concert’ you gave to millions of invisible fans in your childhood living room as you belt out Whitney Houston’s ‘Wanna Dance with somebody’ from the bottom of the earths core to the tip of your tongue. I realised that they rarely cost anything, but a little time, a lot of laughter and in my case, an extra slice of bread and a huge bowl of bubbling bolognaise.

If noticing moments of joy in everyday life are referred to as ‘glimmer moments’ then perhaps connecting with core moments of joy from your past should be refered to as sequins. Large, round sparkly core memories sewn together to make your individual life’s tapestry. Whether it’s photographs from an album, mini recordings on your phone, old journals or causally making a bolognaise on a Saturday evening, I hope your future holds more sequins to come and your past is a glittering reflection of core joy, keep sparking.

My sequin moment

Every end is a new beginning

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Quote Anon

There are many ends to many things, some set in stone and others supported by time and how we’ve evolved. Sunday marks the end of the week, each month has a last day, the year ends on 31st December in my part of the world. Other calendars in other places believe new year occurs at a different calendared date, but beginning always follows suit.

Birth is often recognised as a new beginning, despite the foetus existing long before. Some people believe that death is the end, whilst others believe it’s a transition into another realm. During life’s journey we aren’t always sure when things will end. Often this is out of our control.

Growing up in the UK has meant that certain birthdays also signified beginnings. 13yrs meant you were now ‘officially’ a teenager and 18 an adult. Exams in education once again helped you see your next step; once you’d completed your GCSEs it was time to decide your A levels or perhaps venture into the world of vocational qualifications and apprenticeships. I also remember ‘running out’ of educational steps and being very aware that now I had to get a job, that my steps had come to an end and that a new beginning dawned.

Having lived in the real world for some time now, I have learnt that it generally sucks. That nothing is fair, very little is clear and that most of the rules of society make little to no sense to me. What I’ve also learnt is that we can all make choices. That wherever we begin and wherever we end up…in between we’ll have choices along the way and we decide how we feel.

What do we have? In the now we exist fully with all of the decisions that have gone before us and all of the consequences that has been set in motion. We can worry about the ends, we can often start new beginnings but hopefully by now you have realised that these are tentative, subjective and vague. Now…we have. Now we can feel, smell and touch.

Society distracts us with ‘end goals’ and ‘starting afresh’ when actually our life is made up of hundred and thousands of nows, sprinkled across our life time like cake toppings. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m unsure anyone does? But, feeling good in the now often produces positive consequences. Seeing the good often enhances the good in others now and walking away from anything that has caused us negatively in the past often allows positive results in the future.

You are reading this post in the now. I hope that now you are smiling, happy or glad that the current ‘now’ reminded you of all that you are in this very moment. Don’t be distracted by the starts and ends that society often shows us, that perhaps we’ve not nailed or missed altogether. Instead, appreciate the now, feel good in the now and repeat. The results will be a life well lived, and that’s much more than most people dream of, the endings often take care of themselves.

He wasn’t hungry he was starving…

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote McGinest (Patriots)

When it comes to mindset and achieving goals, there are often phases around being ‘hungry for it’ and when I heard that McGinest described that to be a top athlete it wasn’t enough to hungry, that you had to be starving it resonated with me.

I should probably add that I am in no way any type of athlete…in fact trainers are for complimenting jeans and a range of coloured sweatshirt and there is limited sweating occurring in said sweatshirts. However, I have been blessed to witness greatness around me, to have been a small part of the journey it took for those around me to reach goals and achieve.

They aren’t my goals to share but I can share the moments that have stuck with me. One of my friends is currently planning a trip to the Artic. He can’t sail and he doesn’t have a boat but I’m not sure that’s going to stop him? He does complete ultra marathons and he did thrive a life altering injury in his twenties – so in his 50s of course he’s going to set sail! At the moment he is currently saving for the boat, the sacrifices I witness him make, the painstaking detail of how he even approaches finance is insane and relentless. He’s plan is thorough and he is often sacrificing the now to make room for the dream.

Another friend has run competitively at national standard, she’s still competing after two children and her personal bests are improving all of the time. We were in Milan on a girlie weekend in our twenties and made our way to the hotel, it was an odd time of day, late afternoon and I suggested we chilled and then strolled into town for dinner. Whilst I was ‘chilling’ she was running around Milan….on holiday, in the heat, our plane only touching down an hour or so earlier and she had no idea about the route or area we were staying in. Her goals were never off track (forgive the pun) and she’s always been driven.

Whilst I can’t say I’d want to travel too far from home in death defying circumstances and I’m certainly only interested in Olympic triumph from my sofa, I have found that the people I surround myself by have infiltrated my own life. Goals can be achieved with a little elbow grease, a plan and the will not to be distracted. Society sets us up for many skill sets but it doesn’t often teach us how to achieve our dreams. Perhaps like me your dreams aren’t as large as the ones I’ve touched on, but perhaps you do have a goal that could possible turn into a regret without action. This post isn’t about how to achieve it, it’s just a nudge to remind you that you are your priority and that a step in the right direction may help build momentum to a fulfilled life. That’s worth striving for.

If it’s still on your mind, it’s worth the risk

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Mostly, I write to remind myself of lessons I need to learn, sometimes I write to capture lessons I’ve learnt so that you the reader don’t have to, today I’m writing for you. Perhaps you have a risk that won’t leave your mind. A step you’ve considered taking and have reasons not to take. This post is for you.

I’d like to tell you how I climb the highest mountain in the world even though everyone said I couldn’t…alas, this is not my story. Mine is a lot less riskier but I’m hoping the moral may resonate with you.

Yesterday I was at home and really wanted to eat some chip shop chips. No other would do, my son suggested getting some from the freezer and adding cheese on top. Whilst I know the value of cheesy chips – I also know that when I really want something and it won’t leave my mind I have to make it happen.

After about forty five minutes the thought hadn’t left my mind, I turned a podcast on – of course they were discussing chip shop chips! I took that as my sign, I jumped in my car (invited my family but they were all content at home and thought my need for chips was a little insane) and drove to the nearest chip shop.

I parked up and walked to the shop, I asked for them to be opened, meaning I could eat them immediately. I added a ridiculous amount of salt and vinegar on to them (if we’re doing something then let’s do it properly) I then strolled down the street content, at ease and extremely happy, I ended up walking past my car and following the river edge, as I walked I made a list of all of the things I was grateful for (number one was my bag of chips) and felt content. I stopped at a swing park and popped my empty wrapper in the bin, sat on the swing and felt content. Content on a swing is even better, you’re at peace and you’re flying…it’s a win win situation.

I headed to the car, rang some friend’s and drove home. My little detour lunch trip allowed me to come home revitalise and I carried on with my day. Sometimes a spontaneous solo date is what your soul needs and sometimes it’s chips. In my case it was both.

The risks were low but I’m hoping sharing this silly story inspires you to live bravely, to serve your dreams, your ideas and commit to achieving what you want to do. Often if an idea keeps on replaying there is something in it, looking back I’m unsure if mine was about chips at all? Perhaps I needed a dash of alone time, to get out of the house, a walk in nature…or perhaps I did need chips? We don’t have any guarantees in life, we don’t know when our last chapter may end, but we can eat the chips if we have take action and make it happen.

*the writer of the post takes no responsibility for you the reader now craving a bag of chips, or going on to live an inspired and awesome life.

Don’t wait for the opportunity- create it.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

This blog post was inspired by one of my tribe, I was telling her a tale over the phone and she said ‘Lucy, that’s a blog post’ despite me sounding insane, here it is…

Sometimes we can alter things that no longer serve us, stale relationships or toxic work environments…other things like paying bills and most adult responsibilities still have to be done. I deal with the miserable moments by reframing them, it doesn’t change the action but it changes the way I feel towards the action. Below is the story I shared with my friend.

I really hate putting diesel in my car. It feels like invisible money is being consumed and it’s not the actual act (of getting out of the car and filling the car up) that I dislike it’s paying for ‘pointless things like Diesel’ – I should probably note here, that I’m totally aware that without said product my car won’t run, it’s a necessity and as my job requires me to drive to various places and I opted to live in the countryside – fuel allows accessibility and is an essential…but my inner child just thinks it’s a terrible way to spend money and often a lot of money.

Last year I purchased my dream car. I talk to her all of the time, out loud and as if she were a person. Notice ‘she’ has pronouns and yes I’m that person that named my car. * not all cars, only the ones I truly love.

Last week I was coming out of work and had been in the office all day, as I approached my car I said aloud ‘ooo I love that you waited for me here all day – thank you, I do hope you had a lovely day too’ at which point a man (no idea who he was) said ‘it’s been ok’ – of course he would assume I was talking to him, we were the only two humans in the carpark, my then British upbringing quickly allowed me to reply ‘I’m pleased – and I do hope you have a lovely long Easter weekend’ *cringe. Obviously like any sane woman myself and my car had a good laugh when I was safely locked inside.

I digress, back to the pumps – even with a car I adore, I still hate paying for fuel. It actually makes me feel sad and even if my boyfriend is kind enough to fill it up for me, I still feel naff about the fuel and money situation.

So, I reframed it. I now give my car a once a fortnight vitamin top up. She has a full tank of vitamin B7 that helps her run efficiently, she deserves it, she’s earned it, she’s a legend and deserves the best. I would happily give her a spa day… if she wasn’t a car. I also use to go weekly to top up, but although I don’t run the fuel low (she’s a Queen after all), I find limiting the ‘vitamin top ups’ also helps to raise my positive vibration. Honestly, buying diesel now isn’t an issue like it was.

If you’ve read this far and are worried for my sanity, I fully understand why. I think the fact I know I play games (totally race cars on duel carriage ways that don’t know we’re racing, always thank green lights when they are in my favour….always thank red lights – they’re slowing me down preventing me from coming to harm in the future if I hadn’t stopped) in my head and I’m aware that not everybody else does is ok. Mainly, because everyone else looks a little miserable and for all my faults, I’m honestly a genuinely happy person.

If you’re able to take advice from a lady that talks to her car, then my advice is simple. If you have a chore of part of your universe that gets you down – think about how you can reframe it for a positive. I briefly mentioned the thanking lights game, however often when I stop at lights I see frustrated drivers, sometimes even angry drivers behind the wheel due to a red light stopping their flow – that can’t be healthy for themselves or other drivers on the road? A quick reframe can make a mundane task a little more bearable. Enjoy.

My alone time is for everyone’s safety

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote on a tote bag of a lady in the street

I saw this tote bag quote, laughed and then agreed on a deep metaphysical level…we all need time alone.

As an only child I’m an expert at being by myself. I’ll self indulge in all of the things I like to do and have a lovely time, but I prefer it if others are close at hand. For example, I like taking myself off to the bathroom for a candle lit bath, read and hair mask…but I like to hear the family downstairs. My Aunt, also an only child is a whole new level of alone and she can do weeks in her own company…that would make me climb the walls.

Introverts and extroverts both need time alone and time with others, both energise us, it’s just as individuals we all have specific amounts of time we require in each.

If I’m in a city, meeting friends and having various experiences I find the place exhilarating but I’m also drained for days afterwards. A huge advantage of getting older is being able to fine tune your needs and know what you’ll need after an event. If I’ve been to a Wedding or a huge social occasion – alone time after is for everyone safety. It will take my body days to recover and I’m likely to be grouchy and quick tempered if I do have to be in company, made worse if the occasion means I haven’t had time to sleep in my own bed and ground myself.

As we step into a new week, step back and take a look at your schedule, is there anywhere you need to make some time to recharge, be it alone or with others? Sometimes, I find I need to plan things to do with others to look forward to and to get through monotonous days, other times it’s the opposite and I’ll need to cancel events so I can stay home and top up my sanity by not interacting with a human.

How do you help enrich your energy and do you have any tips for sustaining your energy for longer?

Old keys won’t open new doors

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’ve been fortunate to pass through many doors, some old and some new, some in foreign lands and my favourite – my front door to my home.

However, the truth is that not all doorways serve us and not all corridors to those doors benefit us. Ridiculously as humans, we often continue to walk pathway’s that we know don’t serve us…just because it’s familiar and comfortable, often not even noticing that old habits lead to old outcomes.

I find that doorways are often the larger goals in life, so instead let’s focus on the windows. What would you like to see in your life? Take one new ‘vision’ and focus on that. You know yourself better than anyone else in the universe, so how best can you work towards that vision? How can you create time to build a new habit into your day, to prioritise action? Great news, it often doesn’t mean you have to extend your day by waking earlier or staying up later, it usually means you have to think of a habit that doesn’t serve you and swap them over. For example, I spend a lot of time reading each week but I barely watch television. Personally, I adore books and find they enrich my world and whilst I do enjoy small amounts of television, I prefer to watch something with purpose, rather than just because the TV is on. Lowering screen time allows me to build in time to pursue my reading and also means I enjoy the television I do watch when I choose to. These small windows of joy collectively can help you reach your target doorways – whether that be the doorway to health and well-being or a doorway to financial freedom.

However, old keys for doorways from the past that aren’t aligned with who you are or who you want to be are often useless. They keep you in the past and lead to the same familiar places, again this isn’t always a negative but it’s worth taking time to reflect on the doors you do open.

People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from ‘To kill a mockingbird’

As a lover of books, ‘To kill a mockingbird’ was a wonderful read I discovered when I was in my late twenties and it didn’t disappoint. I often find with literature that is respected and appreciated over decades that it often hits right, even if it isn’t usually the genre of book you read, you can usually appreciate why others do.

Today’s blog post is a simple reminder for you to refocus your lens on life. We can often get caught within our daily routines in producing outcomes and ultimately a quality of life that becomes predictable and repetitive, there is nothing wrong with that if you are content in your experience. As energetic beings we also attract similar people to our circle and therefore the people around us often have similar goals, interests and outlooks…again, great if you’re content with you circle of friends but this can feel stagnant and even claustrophobic if you desire more.

I recently invited you to ‘play more’ (Click here to read more) and in this post the game we are going to play is based on manifesting our desires into our reality. To believe in your own power we often need to see evidence to inspire us.

Today was spent at a Rugby game in the UK January weather…it’s no surprise that the light rain, wind and cold made for a negative concoction. This seemed to relate to the process our team was having on the field. We needed to see the joy around us, so with the help of a seven year old sidelined little sister we began to see who could see ‘xxx’ first and set each other goals that we completed at the same time. Within minutes we began to see tiny flowers in the mud drenched grass, a disguarded gem (something that sparkles) at the edge of the pitch and suddenly the bleak weather didn’t matter. With our spirits lifted we were magical manifesters and the game results also began to pick up. My son even scored a try.

If you walk into the office expecting to hear gossip and moans…you’ll find them. Instead on route to work lookout for a feather or something purple to help raise your vibration. If you’re greeted my negative conversation in the office, remove yourself and where possible lift your vibrations, this could be as simple as paying someone a compliment or making a cup of tea.

If we do see what we look for, then we need to make sure our expectations are high if that’s the life we wish to attract. Give it a go, you’ll be surprised at what you can attract.

Believe you can and you’re half way there

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Quote Anon

As another week flys by in 2024 and the resolution or challenge you set yourself might be harder to fulfil. At the moment we are watching a series on Amazon prime called ‘Mad Men’ it’s set in the 1950/60s in New York City in an Advertising firm…we are several episodes in but my partner and I can’t get over the amount of alcohol and smoking that occurs. Long alcohol fuelled lunches are the norm and often the house wife is ready to greet her husband with a lighter and cold beverage at the end of the day. The office is a place you can smoke in whilst you work and so are theatres and restaurants …in-fact everywhere, you can smoke everywhere. I can’t imagine going to a doctor now to be examined and him leaning over me with a cigarette on the go? But this was the cultural norm. New Year’s resolutions can often be a culture shift for the individual. You start exercising more, seeing progress but only a few weeks in its easy to be distracted (the weather or a social event) and means your new habit goes out of the window. Your neurone pathways naturally go back to a comfortable older version of you who doesn’t exercise and missing a day can quickly become a lost week, which can easily become a goal that isn’t achieved.

In itself it doesn’t matter, you can pick it back up – but most people don’t. I recently heard a podcast where a man described his friend who ran a marathon with very little training. Whilst I would never advocate for this approach – I’m a firm believer in ‘fail to prepare, prepare to fail’ I was interested in how the man achieved his goal. He completed the marathon in under four hours and he did so by focusing on ‘one more step’

One more step rather than twenty more miles. As humans we often have one more step in us but give up because we look to far into the future and become overwhelmed by twenty more miles…what the man did was stayed positive and focused on the present.

If you are struggling with creating new patterns of behaviour, remember to take one more step. Focus on that you achieved it today, knowing that you will also do it tomorrow…repeat times 365 times and you’ve completed your goal for the year. Small steps, one more step is all you need to begin to achieve your goals. Remember, we can look back at past versions of ourselves and we can be surprised with the progress we have made.

Best of luck with the next step.