You don’t need to set yourself on fire to keep others warm

Quote unknown

When I saw this quote my heart sung a little with laughter.

From work to play I see humans setting themselves on fire on a daily basis, metaphorically speaking of course. So often we put others ahead of ourselves and at the end of a busy week when we have little for ourselves we still continue to serve others from empty cups.

On Friday evening I had nothing to give. Trimester one is exhausting and as I walked in the door I knew an early night was essential and that dinner would have to sort itself out. A laptop and a scroll meant that pizza would be delivered. Not my personal choice but I was past caring. We selected a film from Netflix and the phrase ‘Netflix and chill’ had never been more correct. Next stop bed…

The house looks like a bombs gone off and the my laundry basket might erupt at anytime. In the light of a new day these things can be challenged but last night sleep was my only need and my only

As a parent of the messy kind that leave trails of crumbs wherever they go, are allergic to picking up toys and make unreasonable demands at unreasonable hours…we feel the need to set ourselves on fire to keep them warm, or to lie there with them until they fall asleep, to provide all they desire and make every moment count. In my experience as a teacher of teens this isn’t the solution. Giving them clear boundaries on what you can and can’t do allows them to mimic this into their relationships. Perhaps instead of going to the extreme of setting ourselves on fire we could suggest they put on a jumper?

Many parents often feel that they ‘let the kids down’ because they shouted, lost their sh*t or wasn’t there for the event they were performing in. I think if you take the time to explain why you can’t be there, they learn life skills about resilience and boundaries. I think you can unburden the chains of parental guilt by talking to your child about the reasons why and also by taking time out for you, perhaps the emotional outpours would be less frequent. We need to be brave enough to say no, listen enough to when we need to say yes and put the box of matches back in a secure cupboard on a high shelf. You are enough, you always have been and you always will be.

And like a book cover I am what I hide

As soon as I saw this quote my heart did a double flip, after all I love books and I adore quotes.

Probably because I love learning, I like the fact that once we open our eyes as new born’s we don’t stop until our last breath – even if we wanted to. Books are a great place for wisdom, bringing far away lands closer or learning how to rustle up something for dinner.

Book covers however, just like the human body are highly controversial. Within this corner of the internet there are many posts on judgement – so here comes my confession. I totally judge a book by its cover. (*hides head in shame) In brutal honesty I love a cover that is bright and vibrant, if it has glitter – all the better, a little embossing never did anyone any harm…did I mention glitter?

That said a couple of years ago I began to read the top 100 novels of all time, so far I’ve read some epic classic’s and once again I’ll be honest and say that often the covers of the most thrilling book aren’t that vibrant.

However, like my cover or not, I am more complex in the story I tell. If you were to meet me I have an advantage – I can decide what I tell you, how I portray me, the leading lady. I can let you have a quick flick and leave feeling satisfied or I can pour out a chapter if I think you can relate to it, but most of my chapters live inside my head and the best ones are inside my heart. They aren’t shared with the world, loved ones or enemies – some stories live in people so deeply buried that even they forget they are there.

Some people walk around with their book wide open, they have fast track pages to the juicy bits and just like a book, if you expose it to the elements, the paper will perish in time. Others keep their book sealed that it isn’t worthy of existing. It hides in the shadows and without light and adventure the pages are empty. A note book isn’t a life worth living.

This brings me on nicely to genre’s; some people are pure romantics intwined in a relationship that lasts a life time…some are thrillers, crime based tales or I’m afraid – tragedies. Then there are the purely non fiction people who only exist for a work related goal, they usually have a specialism, a niche and there book slowly absorbs the pages of a slice of life. The saddest part about books is how many words they hold. Some are epic tales with thousands of adventures amongst millions of words, commas and full stops…some are only a handful of pages before the book comes to an abrupt end.

So, whilst you work on your happy ever after, I wouldn’t worry too much about putting effort in to your cover, how you appear will probably only attract a shallow reader to the shelf. Instead, as always I’d recommend balance, perhaps invest in a strong spine to hold you together, pay attention to who you decide to share your chapters with, however should it all go wrong, don’t panic – everyone loves a plot twist. Don’t worry if the book isn’t long, we can’t always control the precious time we are given, but do pay attention to the experiences you have, the climaxes and the contrast…and when all is said and done, if you have any budget left, sprinkle a little glitter on your front cover, after all a tale isn’t great if nobody ever reads it.

I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned

Quote Anon

I was looking at the Mr today and thought ‘he’s a keeper’ and realised that this quote truly summed up how I felt. So this post is all about gratitude for the relationships I already have. I often think about what I want for the future and always slide into the trap of reflecting on what I lack, but Js Daddy and my Mr F is a non negotiable.

My son is equally amazing but also (only I and the Mr can say this – anyone else who dared would feel my wrath) and absolute w*nk*r. Seriously, he is five years old and can go from a cute an angelic over achiever to a whinging douche bag faster than the speed of light. I really love him though, less so at dinner when he takes 5 hours to eat his meal due to procrastinating and sharing every fact he has ever learnt to anyone that will listen. I did worry when I was pregnant with him that I might not like him. Luckily Mother Nature throws more than enough love between a mother and child moments after birth that lasts you a life time.

Both my boys have helped me to flourish, dared me to dream and supported me when I’ve taken on new adventures. The Mr is a great sounding board and is one of those really annoying humans that is always right, which in the moment is infuriating but with age I’ve learnt to listen to him more and he is a wonderful team member, he also has other skills like taking the bins out and fixing stuff that is beyond my realms of interest.

I remember the early days of dating Mr F and from day one I have never thought I would have a tomorrow without him, he is a constant – how did that happen? The children, the house, the pets and the adult discussions about which wallpaper to pick and the exciting text’s we send each other, the last three from him read…

“We’ve gone to Judo”

“buy bread”

“and milk”

I mean, if thats not romance what is? The other night we were in bed and I said something about how we had basically had a ten year sleepover, whilst reading his book he muttered “the snacks are naff” and we both burst out laughing. We laugh a lot, usually at my expense, or at dogs on YouTube, or at our little dude making sense of the world around him. I never take it for granted though.

Anyway, rather than read my rambling thoughts on the boys in my life, perhaps take some time this week to think about who you are blessed to have in your universe. Not in a Hallmark cards way (those quotes never inspire me), or in a list of what they do for you way, instead I urge you to think about how they make you feel because stirring those emotions is the essence of tomorrows relationships and having a tribe that works for you, that completes your puzzle or that helps you to come construct a better puzzle for the future is worth its weight in Halloumi (I prefer Halloumi to Gold).

Love hard and stay true to yourself.

The Saturday Session #38

Welcome to another successful week of #thesatsesh linky. This week for me was a slow start (seriously Tuesday felt like Thursday) but then whoosh and I find myself sitting here and typing the new weeks linky up. I hit an all time high this morning, woke up buzzing, for absolutely no reason what so ever and decided to stay here. Although this is now enhanced by a glass of wine, the weekend has arrived and I’m feeling great. I hope you are too. I had a very funny encounter with a click and collect deliver man called Mark today – he was super grumpy and even though I was a happy customer he was sad for me at every opportunity. I paid extra for bags as I picked the large food shop up alone, half way through the shop the bags disappeared, Mark blamed the lazy packers. He then showed me my substitutions – I was happy with them, except the Halloumi, Feta isn’t the same thing? Anyway, Mark was outraged. So I changed the subject by noting the lovely sunny weather – Mark noted the high UV glare and I Couldn’t help but chuckle at his disposition.

He should totally read by featured bloggers post this week – Its the lovely Mac from Reflections from me. If you click the you’ll see her post was all titled ’15 ways to feel happier’. Mackenzie is a boss in the blogging world, her posts are well laid out, have a clear structure and IG friendly images. Its like walking into a department store and wishing your house looked like their examples, or in this case my blog. Having said that, the theme was ‘oh so Fridgesays’ and I love reading posts that I wish I had written. Ive actually never done a ‘top ten’ type post before, perhaps I’ll add it to the wish list. However, for now Mackenzie is totally owning this list and if you didn’t have a grand day (like Mark) then its probably worth noting her first point in the post…

“Firstly let’s agree it is OK to be gentle with ourselves! Believe you deserve to be happy and don’t put yourself down for ever feeling unhappy”

If you loved my featured post as much as me, please leave her a lovely comment and use the hashtag #thesatsesh in the comment box. Or you could check out who Hayley has picked for her featured blogger by clicking here.


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I followed my heart…

Quote by Bill Murray.

Let’s face it good things come from the fridge…vitamins from the fruit and veg, calcium from the yoghurt and milk…I personally keep my ketchup in there and love the stuff. Did someone mention fizz – part of my moral compass for sometime has always been to have a bottle of presecco or champers in the fridge too, you never know when you may need to toast an exciting moment with someone, or drown your sorrows.

Warning: this blog is likely to be slightly slushy

I guess I really want to have a conversation with my blog, so here goes.

Dear Fridge,

So we started off as you can read in my intro Opening the fridge door by simply a growing love of positive vibes, quotes and a pipe dream for a motivational blog. Nearly a year on in blog land and we have had a ball, learnt a lot and you’ve become the best hobby ever (although this is because I have the attention span of a gnat, so the very fact you are still rocking is a miracle).

We got over the techno widgets together and we’ve been selective on the linkys we use…for heavens sake, we even know what a linky is and how to use them.

We love the blogging community…mostly; some are a little aggressive, bossy and there is a culture that recently formed where writing about your kids in an insulting manner or generally highlighting the mummy fails is popular (we stay clear, mainly as it isn’t positive) a side note: this doesn’t mean I think I’m perfect or have daily parent fails – I do, I simply chose not to share them with the world).

I need to say a huge thank you, you’ve given me a creative outlet that I’ve been missing since life got serious. You are patient too, when I don’t feel like posting…I don’t, although I aim to 2-3 times a week, I know that the world won’t stop if I don’t write anything and sometimes ‘not writing’ can be just as satisfying.

You also record my voice, freedom of speech or in this case typing is important to me. (I’ll probably cringe when I look back at some of the things I’ve written / there is a reason most of my diaries have been destroyed)

img_3565You also make my actual fridge come alive, he is a big beast and somehow blogging softens him and in my eyes gives him a greater meaning to life, although he also keeps food cool, frozen and makes ice; you could say my fridge is a multi tasking cool wizard.

What I’m saying is…thank you, I love our adventures, the people we have met and the places that we travel (mainly in my imagination – but hey you facilitate this), so although it’s not quite a year I will open some fizz to this little internet haven in your honour.

Love Lucy