best life

Judge me by the people I avoid

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

Judgement is complicated. I read a blog earlier this week about it and this quote therefore resonated.

In the blog the writer made an excellent point about judging others by our own standards, her example was based around teaching. She is always earlier to her session by about fifteen minutes, she prepares the room and waits for her clients and she always starts on time. If another teacher enters one minute before the class begins and goes straight into teaching – both classes started on time. Both teachers have met their expectable standard… it really got my mind thinking

I’ll save you a week of thinking by sharing my conclusion. Judgement is a waste of time but a habit out primitive brain uses to keep us safe, as a result it’s hard not to judge. I’ll give you some every day examples; you enter a cafe and queue for a drink, you notice the ladies jumper in front of you and judge it as ugly. WASTE OF TIME – the lady likes it and your opinion that (hopefully) is kept in your head is irrelevant. No harm is done, except you’re wasting your energy thinking about an ugly jumper rather than what delicious treat to have with your drink. Another example; You’re driving down the road and notice the car in front of you is swerving, you become frustrated…annoyed / angry. This doesn’t help the driver in front of you to drive better and it doesn’t help you focus. Noticing it might help you remain vigilant, but after the initial judgement it quickly becomes more of a burden than a blessing, also if like me you have a huge imagination within a minute you’ve wasted your time creating an entire scenario as to why the driver is swerving, named the driver and any other characters who may have done something to get to this swerving moment. Ultimately – you’ve wasted your time.

Judgment as a parent is exhausting! You tell they are eating too quickly, too slowly, you judge them on how dirty they’ve become – how much food they have around their faces (and often eye brows?) and none of these judgments making the pace of eating any different, except the parent becomes visually more frustrated with each judgemental breath.

If a giant wild bear is chasing after you please do judge that as a dangerous situation and act accordingly, but bears aside we are often happier the less judgment we weigh ourselves down with. Whilst I don’t have the answer, as I still believe judgment has a small place in keeping us safe, I do think we could all reduce how often we judge. Over the next few weeks I plan to do this by simply noticing when I judge. If I can catch myself doing it, I can reduce the momentum of after thoughts and diffuse it’s energy. Once I’ve noticed it, I will simply pause and let it go.

As for this particular quote, I’ve just returned from a long Sunday beach walk with my boys and our dog, feel free to judge me on the company I keep – I spoke and (after checking with the owner) cuddled every dog that came in a five metre radius. I avoided all human connection, you can’t go wrong by avoiding humanity and I’m now writing this alone in the living room with my own dog curled up next to me, perfection.

Creativity takes courage

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

If you’re on social media you may have seen the ‘Pantone challenge’, for those of you that haven’t, I’ll give you a brief overview. In essence you open up the (gorgeous) box of 100 Pantone cards – these are often used for colour matching, interior design and general arty joy and for the next one hundred days you use the influence of the coloured card to paint something. At the end of the one hundred days you have one hundred tiny pieces of art joy. If you’re interested in taking a look at some then Pinterest has lots of examples as does Instagram, using hashtags such as #pantonechallenge #pantonechallenge2023 Many of the examples that I’ve looked at have comments from artists such as how challenging it is to paint so small, or they’ve used it as a way to try and get out of their comfort zones using new art media’s or painting things they aren’t usual in their repertoire.

I am many things but an artist I am not. My Dad was pretty good and my Mum when I’d ask her to draw me something would reply.. “the only thing I can draw is breath”’ somewhere in the DNA I fell in between the cracks…I can hold my own but I wouldn’t suggest I have any talent. The UK examining board would agree – in 1998 I got a C grade (level 4/5 in todays terms) GCSE in art, right down the middle in the grading ranks but neither captivating or anything to be embarrassed of. I took the subject for a range of reasons, mainly because I liked it and also to reduce the number of written exams/revision and pressure I would have during the exam period.

I enjoyed my art lessons but quickly learnt it was a ‘visibly flawed environment’ to be in. Whilst art will always be subjective, at fourteen years old you know what you have drawn is better or worse than the people you are sat next to. This can be liberating and ego affirming or drastically humiliating and frustrating. One of my best homework memories I did was to sketch a dead fishes head…my Dad and I went to the fish counter and came home with our bounty, we sat and sketched together at the dining room table, me sketching away with my tongue drooling out from the corner of my mouth – the sign of true concentration, rubbing out various sections in fits passion and him flying in with his pencil to save the day. I was proud of those sketches, more so for its team work.

Now a days my ‘art work’ appears in two clear forms. I colour when I need to focus in online meetings (my diary even at 40 years old is a children’s ‘colour me in’ calendar of absolute joy) and I can doodle when bored or frustrated. Whilst I don’t consider myself an artist I am hugely creative (the Batchelor of Arts degree my confirmation) and when I don’t have a creative outlet I become unsettled in my soul. A recipe for a happy Lucy soul requires a balance of good food, daily meditation and yoga, reading books and a creative outlet, perhaps another reason I began this blog in 2014?

The Pantone challenge interested me and so I have purchased a box! Whilst I don’t plan to paint for one hundred days (I’m a full time working parent with plants to adore and pets to snuggle) I have set myself the task of producing one a week. To hold myself accountable I’ll post them on Instagram @fridgesays and I hope to display my newest creation in the confines of my home. Without my peers over my shoulder I hope to enjoy the task. Adult life is often with chores and sadly my creative side doesn’t lend itself to DIY…I also thought I could keep all of the pieces in the box and so wouldn’t burden my house with sketch books and canvasses galore. Mainly, I’m also doing it to get out of my comfort zone and to hopefully with time, patience and persistence get better at painting. I’m using Gouache paints recommended by my ‘proper paid artist’ Father-in-law (no pressure) and I’m anxious about this challenge because anything worth doing, anything out of your comfort zone and anything visual to all can be a little scary.

However, this post isn’t about my art challenge at all, I’m sharing it with you in hope you will reflect on what it takes to balance and light up your soul…do you need to exercise consistently, read more or sleep better? Perhaps you use to be incredible at art but haven’t picked up a pencil since you was fourteen, maybe you have other talents that the adult world means you have cast aside. Take the courage to step outside of your comfort zone, learn something new and reignite your soul. I wish you luck and if in one hundred weeks if I have over fifty cards that I’m proud of, perhaps future me will be a little more content and better with a paint brush than the 1998 version.

I wish you a kinder sea

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’m privileged to live near the sea and much like most aspects of nature, I love the sea in various conditions. Pebbles and sand beaches, stormy and powerful tides that make you feel energised and invigorated as the wind whips your hair and the sea spits out white foam, flat calm seas that are joyful when we have the paddle board out, often leaving me feelings balanced and joyful, then there are tidal waves that have always a melody to them as they rise and fall. My favourites are all the in between seas too…a little windy but ‘not too choppy’ or the warm sea that is wonderful to paddle your feet in as dusk falls and the wind begins to pick up.

If we think of the sea as a humongous living metaphor for life, then it makes sense that it has so many variants. Sometimes we can feel like we are drowning in endless battles as the waves of life sweep us off our feet and at other times we enjoy the sea salt kisses the spray brings, the warm tides that tickle our toes and envelope us like a hug – so often I leave the sea feeling cleansed and renewed.

Life with its ups and downs, often can feel as unpredictable as the sea…one minute you’re paddling through effortlessly and the next you are out of depth and struggling to keep your head above water. Sometimes if you turn your back to the sea you can quickly find the waves can whisk you on the floor with a soggy bottom and you are left bemused wondering how it even happened?

As the quote states above – I wish you an kinder sea. One that forgives, a life that cleanses your soul but also gives you joy. I do believe that dark stormy tides are moments in life we can learn from, build strength and resilience from and ultimately can be an opportunity for personal growth.

I wish you a kinder sea that gives you freedom to explore, that leads you to new voyages and lands afar. I wish you a kinder sea that allows you to see your worth, I wish this for everyone.

Perhaps me wishing isn’t enough? Perhaps we need to observe and reflect on the sea we have in front of us and treat it accordingly. When danger appears, we need to have the tools to protect ourselves, reaching for our self care life jackets, when the sea is absorbing us we need to build boundaries and see defences to keep it at bay. Lastly but essentially, we need to treat those around us with the kindest we wish to have. You can be a kind sea if you are poisoned with sewage or negative energy such as envy or doubt.

I will keep wishing for kinder seas and I hope to live in a kinder sea myself. I know I need to take my eyes of the horizon and enjoy the sea below, the where I am now. But as a seasoned sailor I also know the horizon is not always my friend, that in can alter my course at any moment. Let’s all wish for kinder seas.

Sometimes miracles are just good people with kind hearts

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from the poet cafe

I adore this quote. It’s true, most of the joy that reaches us, the moments we thought might never happen – they took an army of smaller moments and sometimes people to make happen.

Much like a ripple in a pool of water I’ve always felt that good vibes, happiness and miracles happen because of two ingredients.

The first is belief. Choosing to see the best in life even when you’re aware there are shadows of doubt. You ignore these shadows and give your full attention to the glimmers of joy, you reframe the negative to see the outcome you wish to see. You are not naive to the shadows (this is how they bite you) but you starve them from fear, worry or your attention. You instead feed your soul and perspective with positive energy. Here’s a simple example a neighbour said to me ‘phew it’s too hot today for me’ and I decided to not feed her negative energy, instead I responded with ‘im loving that my washing has dried so quickly – the laundry basket is empty!’ She then responded to my energy and told me about her washing…small moment that add momentum to future miracles.

The second is showing kindness above the every day ‘opening of doors’. I am very proud to have had two friends donate kidneys, one to their spouse and the other to her cousin. The gift of life. WOW if that doesn’t resonate with ‘good people and kind hearts’ although maybe in this example the quote should be ‘good people with kind kidneys’ then nothing can. Actually, we’re all here due to human connection, if we’re lucky we were born by two kind humans in love, with a dash of the miracle of science.

To receive miracles you have to be open to receiving them, you don’t need to plan how they occur or when…just what you’d like to see, feel and become. The rest is patience, belief and usually some good people around you. Spend some time this week thinking about what you’d like to receive, it could be small or big the universe isn’t bothered by size. Just be authentic to your needs and desires. Meanwhile look for the smaller miracles that others miss.

Back to school

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Not really a quote?

I have lived the majority of my life within a school setting, as a result September it a ‘new year’ moment for me, time to reflect and of course purchase new stationary.

With my new diary updated and my fresh pens out of the pot, it’s also a time that I reflect and also establish new goals for the coming ‘academic’ year. This year the little dude is in his last year of Primary school. I’m excited for the opportunities he’ll have and also closing his village school chapter as he spreads his wings (and probably loses all of his new stationary in the process) into secondary school life.

As a result I have a very simple goal. To be in the present. Rather than planning ahead or worrying about things that haven’t happened (future lost stationary) I am going to try and be more present, enjoying and appreciating the moment. We know life flies at a hundred miles an hour and as a parent you do have to make plans ahead of time, certainly as a working Mum I also need several arms completing various tasks at the same time…but pausing and taking in the moment is something we can sometimes over look.

Today (Sunday) my son returned to Rugby training, another season welcomed us in and I realised that the new term had already begun. My plans were to get home, prepare dinner, clean and get organised for the school week ahead…instead I’ve decided to abandon the kitchen chaos and instead, as a family we are going paddle boarding. Why? The sun is out (not something that has been observed much this summer holidays) and I feel the need to drink in the last moments of summer. To capture the most of us as a family in this moment.

To help me focus on the ‘now’ I’m going to move my gratitude diary that I complete every morning to the evening, so that I can reflect on the day and the little moments it holds.

Back to school can mean anxiety for many individuals and if that’s your child, I would recommend getting them to focus on a small part of the day (getting ready or travelling to school) and taking the day in bite size pieces. When they return home, without sounding too PollyAnna, whilst they might have concerns to share with you it useful to balance out emotions by reflecting on a few moments that they did enjoy.

May I take this moment to thank the staff at the schools that support our young people and wish all the students the best of 20023-24. Education is a gift for those brave enough to embrace it rather than ‘go because I have to’ and with an open mind (hard for some children I appreciate) often it leads to incredible opportunities.

You already have what it takes

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

There are many theories and entire podcasts / books and resources on what it takes to be high performance. Entrepreneurs and people who are the best in their field at what they are great at can give you ‘10 tips’ or ‘7 things you can do today’ and as a result I’m going to share a secret with you. They aren’t that special, we all are. Yes that includes you!

Whilst a handful of things are helped with ‘natural ability’ if you want something and you dedicate yourself to it – it’s yours and if you don’t get to your final destination with what you want to achieve, I can promise that with practice you will get better. We all will.

Yesterday at the dinning room table my son asked me what pose I found the hardest in yoga, I said I couldn’t answer that but I could if he’d let me reframe the question. At the moment I’m working on my forward fold, it’s not a complex move but years of high heel wearing mean my hand strings are tight and when I go into a forward fold my head and knees are currently worlds apart, as a result I’m working on my forward fold daily until I master it. He smiled and said ‘that’s a good attitude to have’, since I began my daily yoga practise and booked into classes I can feel my body responding, progressing and heading towards the type of practise that I want to achieve, however the destination for my health and wellbeing are hundreds of hours of practises away. Mean while, I’m content in my daily mat time making millimetre progress and enjoying the journey.

What does it take? Honestly, I don’t think it matters what you want to achieve, I think you just need to decide you’re going to achieve it, then take the necessary steps to move towards that goal. If you miss the goal, at least you lived a full life trying. I know I would reach my goal far quicker if I jumped on a flight to India and did a months intense retreat or teaching practice but missing a month without my son is non negotiable and family life and all the responsibilities that come with it aren’t something I’m prepared to ignore, so my pathway to my yogi future will be slower and with my own limitations and priorities. What I will do is what I can. Again, this sometimes means making sacrifices or removing people / objects that no longer serve you or the direction you wish to go in. All I know if my next destination is a forward fold, what do you want to achieve?

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Vincent Van Gogh

Friday 7th July I went to see the Van Gogh experience. It was made all the more magical not only by the company of a genuine friend who I adore but towards the end of the visit the last few visitors left and we then found ourselves in a private viewing situation. The amount of privilege I felt and the emotion of the experience in itself was overwhelmingly incredible. Truly an experience I’ll remember forever.

Sunflowers

I studied VG as a pupil, perhaps we’ve all painted a sunflower within our education or a starry night? I was aware that he had suffered from a decline in mental health within his life, he had cut off his ear and spent time in asylums, I wasn’t aware of how beautiful he was with words. I also wasn’t aware that he had committed suicide, the exhibition was truly immersive and left me with more questions than answers to relate to my own experience of life.

I realised that what I took away from the exhibition was how valuable relationships are and how a good friendship elevate each other. I do believe that a positive life is made of small sparkles of joy and not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Within 2023 I have made daily practises non negotiable and I’m now in the sweet spot of seeing the benefits. In the beginning the joy wasn’t necessarily there and the art of doing the behaviour felt like a chore on a to do list. Months of consistency and daily effort has created the melting pot of joy that I now feel and the practises of yoga and meditation are something I look forward to appose to another job.

At school I wasn’t particularly sporty, in fact sport was a chore. Despite not being good at it though I did realise that many of the techniques can be taken off of the court / pitch and brought into life. My netball coach always spoke about pivoting, pausing and then launching the ball towards the net. If we imagine the goal post as the ‘end of the match’ on earth, then making small pivots to our achievements seems like a smart way to to achieve a positive outcome. I truly believe it’s the small pausing in life, the reflective moments and the ‘hindsight’ lesson that allow us to move through the court (or life) with precision, purpose and positivity.

Whether in life you are currently pivoting from one direction to another, whether you are in a moment of pause / reflection, know that it’s the small moments of courage, the small moments of joy, the experiences you did take, the small moments of togetherness that make for a wonderful life. For all Van Gogh’s sad experiences he left us much joy.

A quiet mind is able to hear intuition over fear

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Quote Anon

It’s Saturday morning and I’m stretched out on my yoga mat in the garden. The lawn was freshly mowed yesterday but so many spring flowers survived the cull and it’s a little piece of heaven.

I came outside to do some morning yoga, my body was hit by period pains and my head was spinning (probably from a imminent full moon), so before this I lounged on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I knew I needed to shower and that would make me feel a little better. I also knew that some tea and being outside was what I needed, the pull of my bed called…I resisted and came outside.

I decided to make my yoga practice today super kind, slow and without thought. As the sun warmed my yoga mat I slowly moved my body into positions that felt supportive. The more I appreciated my surroundings and the warmth of the sun, the more I was able to move on the mat. Gratitude lifting my soul.

I went inside to grab my phone thinking that I should look up some yoga poses that would benefit my body and try to ease some of my cramps. A quick glance on Pinterest and I had myself laughing. I’d already completed the recommended poses – intuition had taken over.

At work we are currently going through a restructure. Worries are high and staff conversations are often a low vibration – the pathway of what change will look like feeding fear, momentum picking up each month and more email’s increase panic. Last week after many months of meetings that I seem to come away from with more questions than answers, I decided to make a decision for myself. I ignored the larger piece of the puzzle and how it would come together. Instead, I decided on what my piece might look like. I visualised how I’d like it to be. I took some actions and set some wheels in motion and now I have removed myself from the topic. Much like the quote, by making time to listen to my intuition, by calming myself I was able to allow the fear to dissipate. This side of the changes I’m unsure whether this mindset will serve me, perhaps I’ll exclude myself from vital information…but I doubt it. I honestly believes that my quietening the noise around me I’ll be able to move into the changes with a higher level of optimism and peace. Time will tell

Intuition is very much a gift, it’s a hundred percent in the present moment and it comes from within. The noise of the working week and the ever lasting to do lists can keep it at bay, but I strongly recommend taking a few minutes out of your day to see where it takes you. That said, remember the first few moments of quiet will mean your brain will whirl like a tornado…let it spin and don’t listen to the fear. I often internally say thanks for the fear thoughts but let’s move on…wait, wait a little bit longer and boom! That’s where the good stuff is. Intuition is just you listening to you without the world pushing it’s agenda on you. Do you value yourself enough to make some time to listen?

Let go or be dragged

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Zen proverb

Have you ever seen in a film the scene set looking down on a busy highway or city at night…red dots following like ants in one direction, white dots in the other. Everything looks so ordered and controlled. Yet inside each vehicle the people have different reasons for being there – returning home from work, vacation, running an errand, going out for food or entertainment.

As humans we are fantastic at creating routines for ourselves, maintaining friendships…much like a hamster wheel we keep turning, not always happy and not always sad. In many aspects of our collective existence we seem to have order, on the surface at least. Cars pause when pedestrians stand near Zebra crossings, people wait in queues for a variety of things from coffees to theme park rides, slowly shuffling forward until it’s our turn to be served. Systems often keep the collective safe and prevent anarchy, like most things there is also the other side (let’s all recollect the 2020 toilet roll saga when grown ups proved they couldn’t share)

Within our daily routines we often feel so safe in the comfort of ‘what we do’ we can often forget to question why we do it. Even at weekends my body clock wakes me at the same time my alarm goes off in the week. Most weeks pass similar to the ones before and that’s completely ok if you’re happy and content with life. I often think holidays are powerful when they throw you out of your routine; time zones confuse the body clocks sleep pattern, a new diet is offered, a new environment is there to be explored or perhaps a sun lounger calls you to be still, unlike your usual hectic working week.

For my own well-being I have several ‘New year’ opportunities each year. Times of year where I take time to reassess what’s serving me, what do I need to prioritise and what do I want to achieve. They often occur during ‘new beginnings’ such as the start of Spring, a new academic year (always celebrated with a new luxurious paper diary) and the classic NYE. Of course, we can decided that today is a new beginning and don’t need to wait on changing seasons to make adjustments. Time to let go of what no longer serves us (too many take aways, not enough exercise, too much work and not enough play) allows us to each fill our cup up so that we can be the best version of ourselves. Sometimes it can be small adjustments; adding a few more greens to our plate, sometimes it can be larger pivots as we seek new careers, move home to a new area or leave relationships that no longer serve us.

What often holds us back is ‘change’ as it’s never comfortable and letting go of what we know, even when we know it no longer serves us is terrifying. However, as I watch older generations I’ve noticed that it’s much scarier to not reach for the stars and to let the night sky pass you by, that relationships that don’t serve you eat you alive. That outside factors that we can let go of become physical disease and illness that we often recognise when it’s too late.

Take a moment, grab a pen and write down a list of things you’d like to achieve. It could be over the next few weeks, months or by the end of the year. There might be a big birthday coming up and you might have a larger challenge up your sleeve, but whatever you do – do something, otherwise if you don’t let go you might just find the physical body is dragged down as a result. Apart from keeping up with daily yoga, my next challenge is to declutter. I’m going to start a room at a time and as small steps work for me, probably a draw or cabinet at a time. What do you need to let go of?

Sometimes the yoga is just being there

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Back in February of this year I used my blog to make myself accountable, the post was about making time to meditate and how I planned to do so. You can peek back by clicking the blue title below.

Breath. believe. release. receive

The fabulous news is it worked. I have meditated daily without any breaks and even worked around distractions and prioritised when the daily routine got thrown off path. It still makes me feel amazing and starts a bleak cloudy day on a sunbeam vibe. Most days I meditate for forty five minutes.

Therefore it makes sense that my next absolute love is prioritised. Yoga. This bendy and restorative process has been in my life for over twenty years. It began when a wonderful lady in my staff room at school invited me to join the class she went to. The class was in an abandoned church outside Romford and the parking was a nightmare. However, as soon as my body hit the mat and I looked up to the incredible ceiling with the stained glass windows pushing rainbow lights across our torsos…I was hooked and the worlds problems dispersed.

Since then I’ve done a little of everything; classes, on my own, YouTube clips, 30 day yoga challenges, day events and retreats, private instructors…however, in the last couple of years my mat love has died. The motivation to set up and get my flow on just hasn’t been there. I’ve noticed that when I do unsurprisingly my flexibility has reduced and whilst yoga should never be a competitive choice….my soul feels like it dies a little with each ‘I use to be able to do that’.

Yesterday I realise I have two choices, to let it go and accept how it is or to do something about it. Deep down I know I’ll feel better for prioritising it, for making time and for strengthening my body.

So let’s go all in! Daily practise is now a thing…well, starting today. I’m currently sat on my yoga mat in the garden because it’s sunny and in the UK that’s a reason to move the mat outside.

Inspired by this quote I am going to be on my mat daily. Minimally, much like how I began the meditation practise, I’m going to do a five minute sun or moon salutation daily or three stretches, everything else is a plus.

Below are a couple of other things I’m going to try to make my daily commitment to my body’s health and well-being a priority. I’m sharing them in case you too have something similar you would like you make a daily practise

Leave it out: I’m going to leave my equipment out. Over the years I’ve acquired a lot of yoga pieces; yoga chair, blocks, straps and I even had a yoga wheel at one point…however that clutter will drive me mad, so I’m going to just start with my mat. Simple and no excuse. I’m hoping that eventually this will become a more permanent edition to our home and I’ll cultivate a little corner somewhere. I’ve heard that people that reluctantly struggle to get to the gym find it useful to back their gym back the night before or have clothing at hand.

Kind words: I’m going to need to reduce my attitude around what I can do (could do) and attempt to stay in the moment and be kind to myself. The world is hard enough without berating myself. Yoga practise is all about being connected and in the moment, if I can stop the negative chatter, the practice will take care of itself.

Day by day: To achieve my target of daily practise, I’ll work out the night before when I’m going to make time the next day. That way I’ll wake with a clear intention . I would guess in the next couple of weeks I’ll find a natural flow, but my work diary and life commits vary and without this little plan up my sleeve I’ll go to bed without having achieved my goal, exhausted from the day and frustrated with myself.

Ops I did it again: If I do miss a day, I don’t need to ‘make it up’ the next day or give up, or wait until the next week to begin. I haven’t failed. I’m human and being flawed is often part of the process. Should I miss a day I’ll be disappointed but also understand the reason why. The crucial part is getting back on the mat daily after that.

That’s if…that’s the plan. Wish me luck and if you’re also trying to increase daily habits and reduce negative thoughts / actions then join me on my new journey.