Every end is a new beginning

Quote Anon

There are many ends to many things, some set in stone and others supported by time and how we’ve evolved. Sunday marks the end of the week, each month has a last day, the year ends on 31st December in my part of the world. Other calendars in other places believe new year occurs at a different calendared date, but beginning always follows suit.

Birth is often recognised as a new beginning, despite the foetus existing long before. Some people believe that death is the end, whilst others believe it’s a transition into another realm. During life’s journey we aren’t always sure when things will end. Often this is out of our control.

Growing up in the UK has meant that certain birthdays also signified beginnings. 13yrs meant you were now ‘officially’ a teenager and 18 an adult. Exams in education once again helped you see your next step; once you’d completed your GCSEs it was time to decide your A levels or perhaps venture into the world of vocational qualifications and apprenticeships. I also remember ‘running out’ of educational steps and being very aware that now I had to get a job, that my steps had come to an end and that a new beginning dawned.

Having lived in the real world for some time now, I have learnt that it generally sucks. That nothing is fair, very little is clear and that most of the rules of society make little to no sense to me. What I’ve also learnt is that we can all make choices. That wherever we begin and wherever we end up…in between we’ll have choices along the way and we decide how we feel.

What do we have? In the now we exist fully with all of the decisions that have gone before us and all of the consequences that has been set in motion. We can worry about the ends, we can often start new beginnings but hopefully by now you have realised that these are tentative, subjective and vague. Now…we have. Now we can feel, smell and touch.

Society distracts us with ‘end goals’ and ‘starting afresh’ when actually our life is made up of hundred and thousands of nows, sprinkled across our life time like cake toppings. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m unsure anyone does? But, feeling good in the now often produces positive consequences. Seeing the good often enhances the good in others now and walking away from anything that has caused us negatively in the past often allows positive results in the future.

You are reading this post in the now. I hope that now you are smiling, happy or glad that the current ‘now’ reminded you of all that you are in this very moment. Don’t be distracted by the starts and ends that society often shows us, that perhaps we’ve not nailed or missed altogether. Instead, appreciate the now, feel good in the now and repeat. The results will be a life well lived, and that’s much more than most people dream of, the endings often take care of themselves.

When I grow up I am going to be a Mermaid.

Direct quote from me, said many times in the last forty years.

I wasn’t sure what to write about today? Usually a theme or a quote inspires me. So I asked my son what I should write about, he said “Mermaids, your imagination and the power that it can possess” and I was like ‘Dam boy’ that’s an awesome idea!

So, cosy up and I’ll tell you all about Mermaids. When I grow up I will be a Mermaid in tropical clear waters (nobody is signing up for murky and cold North seas!) because every day will be a good hair day. I will swim around and explore the sea, collect shells (because shells are joy) and if Disneys Ariel taught me anything, I’ll probably chat with my fish friends and sing epic songs about ‘thing-amey-bobs’, I think about my Mermaid life more than an adult with a mortgage and responsibilities should. Why? Because it’s fun! And a mortgage and responsibilities often aren’t.

I think it’s why I’m also a huge reader, fiction takes you to far away places and usually the main character in a book has a different set of problems to you. Even better, unlike friends and families problems when you close the book, you don’t need to worry or try to help the main character and even better, 9/10 by the end of the book the characters issue has been resolved or they’ve made peace with it.

I wrote often about how I feel ‘play’ is important for everyone’s mental health and I think escapism and your imagination is a powerful tool that we can all use. Often society talks about negative thought patterns but doesn’t tell you about the joy of thinking about being a Mermaid.

Thoughts don’t always need to be shared. Nobody can steal them from you. They are both priceless and worth millions all at the same time. In our hum drum routines it’s easy to become caught up in our own dull drama. We also, as humans tend to live in cycles of similar patterns (eg. We don’t learn our lessons and often repeat patterns of behaviour even though they make us unhappy) we also tend to invite similar people into our lives and that isn’t always in our best interest.

In my imagination I can be free of daily distractions, I can also dream about how I want things to be. That might be thinking about how I’d like my garden to look or a car upgrade or in my case…tropical seas and Mermaid vibes.

Make some time this week for your imagination, be guided by your inner child or pick up a book and let your imagination shine as the Author becomes your tour guide. I always think my imagination is my best asset, a free gift that keeps on giving.

Don’t stress, do your best, forget the rest

It’s exam time in the UK for GCSE pupils and upper KS2. In our house this means a week of SATs exams for my son and a week of invigilation for me. I’ll be driving around the county and making unwelcome visits to office staff in Primary schools (office staff don’t like you if they don’t know you’re coming) to check exam packs and secured correctly, exam spaces meet criteria and ticking off many boxes on many forms…

The advice I’ll give the schools and the advice I’ll give my son is the same.

Don’t stress: Being a little worried, anxious or excited about exams can be a good thing. It can help motivate, focus and fuel your adrenaline in a positive way. Being stressed is a step too far, it can send your body into a negative cycle leading to sickness and brain freeze, may mean you can’t think to complete your exams. Unfortunately reading ‘don’t stress’ isn’t that helpful, instead sleep, nutrient/ hydration and knowing that you’ve revised means you walk into the exam knowing all you can do is your best.

Do your best: You can’t control external factors such as the weather, or what questions will be asked, you can’t do anything about circumstances occurring in your family. You can enter the exam space and for that hour give it your best with the circumstances you walked in with. To do this you need to slow down, read the questions and pause before you write your answer. Most marks are lost because people have misread and interpreted what the question is asking due to rushing. You can only do you, leaving the space knowing you couldn’t have done better is a wonderful feeling.

Forget the rest: My advice that students often ignore, is try not to chat about the exam before or after with friends. Everyone saying it felt easy when you’ve just struggled in the exam doesn’t make you feel confident for your next exam and nor does hearing comments like ‘what about the question on the back page?’ And you’re thinking what back page??? Despite these comments amongst friends often being well meaning my advice is to avoid any exam speak. Only you need to know how you feel things went or will go. Worrying about an exam that’s finished doesn’t improve the exam results, it just makes you feel stressed. Instead, make a quick exit or pop in your earphones and listen to some music, so you can focus on you.

As someone that inspects the exam process I’d also like to remind you that the teams organising it have done this before. Its important that the exam process is conducted according to protocol otherwise the exams would loose meaning, but any issues you may have will have occurred before, so share worries or concerns in advance.

The great news is that if you are worried, it’s often because you care.

Exams are a tiny moment that can’t possible capture all of your greatness and talents, they don’t reveal values such as patience, kindness or empathy. They can often be retaken and with regard to SATS these let county council know how good the quality of teaching is and are not a reflection on the child. Most children won’t even look at their results. So don’t stress, do your best. That is always good enough.

He wasn’t hungry he was starving…

Quote McGinest (Patriots)

When it comes to mindset and achieving goals, there are often phases around being ‘hungry for it’ and when I heard that McGinest described that to be a top athlete it wasn’t enough to hungry, that you had to be starving it resonated with me.

I should probably add that I am in no way any type of athlete…in fact trainers are for complimenting jeans and a range of coloured sweatshirt and there is limited sweating occurring in said sweatshirts. However, I have been blessed to witness greatness around me, to have been a small part of the journey it took for those around me to reach goals and achieve.

They aren’t my goals to share but I can share the moments that have stuck with me. One of my friends is currently planning a trip to the Artic. He can’t sail and he doesn’t have a boat but I’m not sure that’s going to stop him? He does complete ultra marathons and he did thrive a life altering injury in his twenties – so in his 50s of course he’s going to set sail! At the moment he is currently saving for the boat, the sacrifices I witness him make, the painstaking detail of how he even approaches finance is insane and relentless. He’s plan is thorough and he is often sacrificing the now to make room for the dream.

Another friend has run competitively at national standard, she’s still competing after two children and her personal bests are improving all of the time. We were in Milan on a girlie weekend in our twenties and made our way to the hotel, it was an odd time of day, late afternoon and I suggested we chilled and then strolled into town for dinner. Whilst I was ‘chilling’ she was running around Milan….on holiday, in the heat, our plane only touching down an hour or so earlier and she had no idea about the route or area we were staying in. Her goals were never off track (forgive the pun) and she’s always been driven.

Whilst I can’t say I’d want to travel too far from home in death defying circumstances and I’m certainly only interested in Olympic triumph from my sofa, I have found that the people I surround myself by have infiltrated my own life. Goals can be achieved with a little elbow grease, a plan and the will not to be distracted. Society sets us up for many skill sets but it doesn’t often teach us how to achieve our dreams. Perhaps like me your dreams aren’t as large as the ones I’ve touched on, but perhaps you do have a goal that could possible turn into a regret without action. This post isn’t about how to achieve it, it’s just a nudge to remind you that you are your priority and that a step in the right direction may help build momentum to a fulfilled life. That’s worth striving for.

Little people, growing shoots, happy hearts and muddy boot.

An extract from a poem, unfortunately I can’t see an author to give credit.

I picked the quote to remind myself of what childhood should be about after seeing a post from Emma Nicolet on Instagram, she’s an influencer and also a parent. Her post was about not giving your children smart phones. I thought I’d share how we are navigating this in our home at present. *warning: some of the content in this blog may be a trigger for some readers.

It’s important to say that in my teaching career in a secondary school, Ive seen the worst that social media and the online world can offer children. Online male pedophiles claiming to be 14yrs old boys, grooming, raping and then deleting all trace of evidence, bullying to the degree that death threats are whacked into WhatsApp messages as casual as asking ‘what’s for dinner?’, issues that occur out of school being dragged into the school community and taking up significant amounts of pastoral staffs time on a daily basis, suicidal ideation and self harm a daily occurrence where children use their devices to access ‘how to’ clips…I think you get my drift.

I also have an eleven year old child who is due to start secondary school in the new academic year and will be accessing public transport. We are fortunate that he doesn’t have a huge interest in the internet, he is your ‘sports / mud / outdoors kind of kid. We thought about not bothering with a mobile device, that he could use public phones like we did growing up…then my partner pointed out that in our rural location – there simply aren’t any. Public transport is also minimal and options are limited. He may need to contact us from time to time to be able to get home.

I’ve always made my son aware of online issues, we’ve read articles together and I’ve gathered his opinions. Last week in a family gathering (both parents and him on the top of the landing hallway randomly as we were about to leave the house) asked him if he’d like one and what that may look like. Up until now he’s always said things like ‘nah, they’re pointless and I’ll just break it’ (the kid is at least aware of his own weaknesses), however he said ‘if only they did a phone that was just a phone, then I could call you if I needed you but not all the other drama’…I then produced a Nokia 2760 (which use to belong to his Grandad) like a Blue Peter presenter ‘here’s one I made earlier’ . The phone launched in 2007 and is a very basic flip phone, limited internet and a pixilated camera phone. I then splashed out on a 99p pay as you go SIM card and he was in action, the kids worth it…

Several things then happened: we don’t need to worry about online content and group messages – he can’t access them. We don’t need to use apps to track his fancy device or worry about breaking it – we’re talking vintage Nokia, designed to be indestructible. If he looses it (when) it’ll cost under £20 to replace. Whilst he enjoys rummaging in his pocket and flipping his phone like a 90s swathe James Bond character, it’s already become practical within a few days of ownership and lost the glamour that a smart phone may have, so we don’t need to worry about his posture as he stares downwards 24/7 or how many hours he’s on the device. It’s a phone, a safety device, a tool…

This is how we are choosing to parent currently, it’s a decision like whether you eat at the table or what you allow your child to watch. It’s working for us because the decision is child led, we aren’t making him have something he doesn’t want, we are giving him something that might keep him a little safer. I’m also aware of the issues around having a perceived ‘burner phone’.

Whilst I’m sure a smart phone will be useful down the line, we are currently on the ‘stabiliser’ version of mobile phones, for us and more importantly for our child, it’s not something we need the added drama from, he has access to a laptop for homework, a gaming console (in our communal area – not in his bedroom and not online) and as stated earlier, he would rather be catching a Rugby ball than staring at a screen. However, I wanted to share our story as it may help you navigate your own journey of ‘online parenting’, I’m aware there are many apps and parental safety devices that you can install – however, I’m unsure that more technology is required to solve the problems that technology created in the first place. If this post resonates with you, please share with others, raising digital humans is hard, as parents we will never get it all correct, but it’s worth being aware that sometimes there are alternative options. Here’s to a few more days of happy hearts and muddy boots.

If it’s still on your mind, it’s worth the risk

Quote Anon

Mostly, I write to remind myself of lessons I need to learn, sometimes I write to capture lessons I’ve learnt so that you the reader don’t have to, today I’m writing for you. Perhaps you have a risk that won’t leave your mind. A step you’ve considered taking and have reasons not to take. This post is for you.

I’d like to tell you how I climb the highest mountain in the world even though everyone said I couldn’t…alas, this is not my story. Mine is a lot less riskier but I’m hoping the moral may resonate with you.

Yesterday I was at home and really wanted to eat some chip shop chips. No other would do, my son suggested getting some from the freezer and adding cheese on top. Whilst I know the value of cheesy chips – I also know that when I really want something and it won’t leave my mind I have to make it happen.

After about forty five minutes the thought hadn’t left my mind, I turned a podcast on – of course they were discussing chip shop chips! I took that as my sign, I jumped in my car (invited my family but they were all content at home and thought my need for chips was a little insane) and drove to the nearest chip shop.

I parked up and walked to the shop, I asked for them to be opened, meaning I could eat them immediately. I added a ridiculous amount of salt and vinegar on to them (if we’re doing something then let’s do it properly) I then strolled down the street content, at ease and extremely happy, I ended up walking past my car and following the river edge, as I walked I made a list of all of the things I was grateful for (number one was my bag of chips) and felt content. I stopped at a swing park and popped my empty wrapper in the bin, sat on the swing and felt content. Content on a swing is even better, you’re at peace and you’re flying…it’s a win win situation.

I headed to the car, rang some friend’s and drove home. My little detour lunch trip allowed me to come home revitalise and I carried on with my day. Sometimes a spontaneous solo date is what your soul needs and sometimes it’s chips. In my case it was both.

The risks were low but I’m hoping sharing this silly story inspires you to live bravely, to serve your dreams, your ideas and commit to achieving what you want to do. Often if an idea keeps on replaying there is something in it, looking back I’m unsure if mine was about chips at all? Perhaps I needed a dash of alone time, to get out of the house, a walk in nature…or perhaps I did need chips? We don’t have any guarantees in life, we don’t know when our last chapter may end, but we can eat the chips if we have take action and make it happen.

*the writer of the post takes no responsibility for you the reader now craving a bag of chips, or going on to live an inspired and awesome life.

Don’t wait for the opportunity- create it.

Quote Anon

This blog post was inspired by one of my tribe, I was telling her a tale over the phone and she said ‘Lucy, that’s a blog post’ despite me sounding insane, here it is…

Sometimes we can alter things that no longer serve us, stale relationships or toxic work environments…other things like paying bills and most adult responsibilities still have to be done. I deal with the miserable moments by reframing them, it doesn’t change the action but it changes the way I feel towards the action. Below is the story I shared with my friend.

I really hate putting diesel in my car. It feels like invisible money is being consumed and it’s not the actual act (of getting out of the car and filling the car up) that I dislike it’s paying for ‘pointless things like Diesel’ – I should probably note here, that I’m totally aware that without said product my car won’t run, it’s a necessity and as my job requires me to drive to various places and I opted to live in the countryside – fuel allows accessibility and is an essential…but my inner child just thinks it’s a terrible way to spend money and often a lot of money.

Last year I purchased my dream car. I talk to her all of the time, out loud and as if she were a person. Notice ‘she’ has pronouns and yes I’m that person that named my car. * not all cars, only the ones I truly love.

Last week I was coming out of work and had been in the office all day, as I approached my car I said aloud ‘ooo I love that you waited for me here all day – thank you, I do hope you had a lovely day too’ at which point a man (no idea who he was) said ‘it’s been ok’ – of course he would assume I was talking to him, we were the only two humans in the carpark, my then British upbringing quickly allowed me to reply ‘I’m pleased – and I do hope you have a lovely long Easter weekend’ *cringe. Obviously like any sane woman myself and my car had a good laugh when I was safely locked inside.

I digress, back to the pumps – even with a car I adore, I still hate paying for fuel. It actually makes me feel sad and even if my boyfriend is kind enough to fill it up for me, I still feel naff about the fuel and money situation.

So, I reframed it. I now give my car a once a fortnight vitamin top up. She has a full tank of vitamin B7 that helps her run efficiently, she deserves it, she’s earned it, she’s a legend and deserves the best. I would happily give her a spa day… if she wasn’t a car. I also use to go weekly to top up, but although I don’t run the fuel low (she’s a Queen after all), I find limiting the ‘vitamin top ups’ also helps to raise my positive vibration. Honestly, buying diesel now isn’t an issue like it was.

If you’ve read this far and are worried for my sanity, I fully understand why. I think the fact I know I play games (totally race cars on duel carriage ways that don’t know we’re racing, always thank green lights when they are in my favour….always thank red lights – they’re slowing me down preventing me from coming to harm in the future if I hadn’t stopped) in my head and I’m aware that not everybody else does is ok. Mainly, because everyone else looks a little miserable and for all my faults, I’m honestly a genuinely happy person.

If you’re able to take advice from a lady that talks to her car, then my advice is simple. If you have a chore of part of your universe that gets you down – think about how you can reframe it for a positive. I briefly mentioned the thanking lights game, however often when I stop at lights I see frustrated drivers, sometimes even angry drivers behind the wheel due to a red light stopping their flow – that can’t be healthy for themselves or other drivers on the road? A quick reframe can make a mundane task a little more bearable. Enjoy.

Old keys won’t open new doors

Quote Anon

I’ve been fortunate to pass through many doors, some old and some new, some in foreign lands and my favourite – my front door to my home.

However, the truth is that not all doorways serve us and not all corridors to those doors benefit us. Ridiculously as humans, we often continue to walk pathway’s that we know don’t serve us…just because it’s familiar and comfortable, often not even noticing that old habits lead to old outcomes.

I find that doorways are often the larger goals in life, so instead let’s focus on the windows. What would you like to see in your life? Take one new ‘vision’ and focus on that. You know yourself better than anyone else in the universe, so how best can you work towards that vision? How can you create time to build a new habit into your day, to prioritise action? Great news, it often doesn’t mean you have to extend your day by waking earlier or staying up later, it usually means you have to think of a habit that doesn’t serve you and swap them over. For example, I spend a lot of time reading each week but I barely watch television. Personally, I adore books and find they enrich my world and whilst I do enjoy small amounts of television, I prefer to watch something with purpose, rather than just because the TV is on. Lowering screen time allows me to build in time to pursue my reading and also means I enjoy the television I do watch when I choose to. These small windows of joy collectively can help you reach your target doorways – whether that be the doorway to health and well-being or a doorway to financial freedom.

However, old keys for doorways from the past that aren’t aligned with who you are or who you want to be are often useless. They keep you in the past and lead to the same familiar places, again this isn’t always a negative but it’s worth taking time to reflect on the doors you do open.

So many kisses, so little time.

Quote Atticus

I’m so excited for 2024, I’m unsure if it’s the even numbers, the hope in my heart or the fact that I’ve been swept up by vision boards and manifesting?

Regular readers will know that I often pick a word to encapsulate my hopes for the year ahead. It helps to build a vision for the year and your personal achievements. For those of you looking to travel, you may like ‘explore’ or ‘clarity’ if you haven’t got a clue what you’d like to achieve! If you are feeling overwhelmed then ‘survive’ is also 100% acceptable, this word is for you and nobody else.

This year my word is bloom.

There are so many aspects of my life that I’d like to blossom in, but this year I will be wrapping it with a bow of romance. Having been in a long term relationship for nearly fifteen years, I don’t actually mean the lovey dovey type. Instead I mean the self love romance, the slowing down and taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures the world offers us. If you think you could do with some romance in your life and the idea appeals then below are some ideas on how you can romance yourself and those around you during 2024.

Buy yourself flowers: a simple idea but I’m not talking about the supermarket type thrown in the basket, instead support small businesses and go to your local florist, take time to pick a selection of the flowers that make you smile. Take them home and display them in a spot that you get to admire them in. You could even extend the love and send some to a friend or loved one for absolutely no reason, which in my opinion is the best reason to receive flowers.

Brunch or coffee date: This requires you to calendar some time to yourself and pre plan some time away from the world. That in itself is a luxury for most, to maximise the time – take yourself to your favourite cafe and enjoy an hour for yourself. Dating yourself is cheaper alone and you can recharge your battery, the benefits also include to having to make small talk although you will guarantee you’ll have to pay the bill.

Bath time: if leaving the house is too complex, simply lock the door to the bathroom and create a mini spa at home. Use the ‘best’ bath salts you have, perhaps a hair mask or face mask and relax. This recharged hour is bound to help you feel sensual and loving, I usually take a hot drink or glass of fizz with me for indulgence. *bath toys are not permitted in sight!

Simple pleasures: often if we take our minds back to the romantic moments of most classic films the ‘aww’ moments are often other people being thoughtful and kind. This year I hope to ‘bloom’ by simply slowing down and enjoying the present moment. Rather than eating breakfast whilst wandering around the house and completing mediocre tasks at the same time as shovelling mouthfuls of cereal in your mouth (full disclosure- this was totally my reality this morning), take two extra minutes to slice some fruit or present your breakfast in a bowl that makes you smile. When having a cup of tea, grab a saucer – add a biscuit of the side ‘just for cuteness’ and pause.

Romance is often about time standing still, whilst most of us don’t have that luxury in our day to day lives, we can often plan to spend two minutes extra on a task that might just make you feel two times better about life.

Romance yourself because you’re worth it and enjoy the ride. If you think of any other ideas then please leave a comment below or reach out to me on social media, as I plan to do all these things in 2024 and more! I may even disappear on a weekend city break at some point and use romancing’ myself as an excuse…

The pen is the tongue of the mind.

Quote by Miguel de Cervantes

I began this blog on Boxing Day 2014 and have been writing weekly since.

Rarely do I miss a week, but sometimes life has to take priority. There have also been periods of time where I have posted several times a week or the odd spontaneous post that bursts out and needs to be immediately shared. Whilst I would be the first to say that some posts are better than others, some that are repetitive in meaning or vibe…I’m proud of this little corner of the internet. Today, I wanted to share some aspects of the writing process.

Magical memory: I often have no memory of writing posts when I read them back, many are as unique to you the first time reader, as to me the creator. I don’t often read my posts but when I do I’m often surprised by my own thought process. I’m sure within the literature world this has an official term, but to me it’s magical. I initially began the blog as I had an all consuming nine month old baby at the time and needed a place just for me. I’ve always been creative and motherhood didn’t fulfil this aspect of my world. *I also gave birth to a child that’s allergic to craft products, writing and anything ‘arty’ (unless it’s monster related) so knew I needed to look outside the mum gig. That aside, it always fascinates me that I don’t recall writing the words I read back?

I write like I speak: Friends or colleagues that have read my blog has remarked that it’s like listening to me chat with them when they read, again, this probably has an official term but I guess all I’m doing is letting my thought process explode across the screen. It makes sense that it would ‘sound’ like me, after all, everything else I do from the clothes I pick to the food I enjoy all has a sense of me.

It’s cheaper than therapy: I’m very aware that my target audience when writing is often me. Whilst this may sound selfish, I know from comments that the blog often resonates with others but like most things I honestly need to write, like you need to hydrate or relax in-front of the TV. Typing away and fulfilling my duty of completing my weekly post is something I need to do, so even when family life gets frantic my self care process is to find a few minutes to set aside to write to you guys. I often end up writing what I need to acknowledge in my own world, or thoughts that resonate with my experiences at the time of writing.

Give it a go: When I began the blog it was the social media thing to do, most people read blogs about most topics, a little cliche at first, I had a mild case of inferior complex but now it part of my routine. Like most people who have passions, I would certainly encourage you to give it a go. If you ever wanted to write – do it! For me, it gives me a place to leave my thoughts, usually with a positive message or meaning that I hope leaves you the reader feeling a little more seen or less alone in a world that can often be negative. I also enjoy the comments you leave and if I’m honest the stats some posts receive and the places in the world people read it.

Thank you for taking the time to read, especially to regular readers. Extra special thanks to my Mum who has been my editor since day one…and spelling or punctuation issues blame her 🙂 Again, if you think 2024 might be the year you give writing a go, I strongly encourage you to, it’s cheaper than therapy and you may just help others by sharing your knowledge or writing points of interest.