This morning the Mr and I took the dog for a walk at the beach. It was a beautiful morning and Mother Nature was giving sunshine and sand…which on a pebble beach is always welcome.
(I even caught an Angel of light in my photograph)
We were well wrapped up and enjoyed everything the empty beach had to offer from writing messages in the sand to collecting some loot.
The loot included some good karma, by taking some plastics we’d found to the bin, some drift wood, a shell and a tennis ball.
Pearl had a lovely morning but she isn’t a huge fan of tennis balls, not wanting to risk the ball returning to the sea I decided to look for a new owner as we walked back home. We passed many pooches and the Mr reminded me that I had the ball, but I remarked ‘it’s not for them’…until I saw a group made of two couples and two dogs up ahead. They were laughing and interacting with the dogs, but they only had one ball, the Golden Retriever was clearly feeling left out. I ran ahead to catch them up and said ‘sorry to interrupt you but I’ve found an extra ball, would you like it?’ The group all instantly responded with huge smiles and gratitude, the male owner of the retriever lit up like a Christmas tree, he explained he hadn’t brought a ball and was immensely grateful, I wished them a merry Christmas and ran back to join Pearl and the Mr, we then chatted about how happy an old tennis ball had made not only the dogs but the people. Sometimes happiness comes from a shell in your pocket, a brisk walk in Mother Nature and sometimes it comes from a timely delivered tennis ball, but the magic of giving and happiness is often a simple action, don’t get caught in the December chaos of consumerism – take a walk instead, thank me later.
What a quote! Five words that can reframe a negative into a success is an incredible achievement, especially when two of the five words are ‘is’ and ‘in’ – so it won’t surprise you that at fridge head quarters I am taking this powerful quote and sharing a story about a cup of tea.
I went to a friend’s house to see her gorgeous family this week. Before I arrived she had text me her address and suggested I parked on her driveway. Having never been to her home before I checked when I arrived whether where I had parked (blocking their cars in) was convenient, it transpired that I would need to move as her husband needed to pop out for some milk, as this discussion took place I was aware I was letting the November cold into their home, so I closed the door and the decision was made that he would go a little later. Like all ‘need milk’ plans this didn’t occur whilst I visited.
After hugs and a good natter, my friend offered me a beverage and we relocated to the kitchen to make it. I drink a huge variety of herbal teas so I’m not fussy how my breakfast tea is served, as she went to get the milk we were reminded that her husband hadn’t yet been to the shop. Comfortable without milk, I said it didn’t matter.
As she went to the fridge she remembered she had some oat milk and kindly offered me some. what I experienced next was a taste sensation…the oat milk took my traditional British cuppa to the next level and I enjoyed it immensely.
The immense taste meant I found myself purchasing oat milk so that my homemade cuppa’s could be equal in joy – my friend is now an influencer.
As I drove home I reflected on the cuppa experience, no doubt she felt annoyed that she didn’t have the ingredients she needed to hand, yet the outcome far exceeded my expectations. I thought of all the recipes I’ve cooked where I have had substituted items and things have gotten better, I thought about the Einsteins of the world who have proven theories by error, or whilst on a mission to solve a issue have found solutions for other issues…
Every time I sip my oat milk tea I am reminded that by reframing moments we can enrich our lives, that we are all working progress and we are all a dash of oat milk away from being better. We can’t always control the outcomes of life but we can enjoy the glimmers of joy when they show up. This week stay open to new opportunities, try oat milk in your tea and look for ways to improve moments that present themselves as negative.
One of the beautiful things about my job is how varied it is. Someone I’m developing policies and working strategically to improve the efficiency for whole schools, year groups or working with individuals, aged sixteen and six foot tall or four years old and full of wisdom.
On Friday I found myself in a Reception classroom with little humans aged between four and five years old. It was the end of the day and the teaching team had the mammoth task of ensuring every small person had all of their personal items on them; Book bags, coats, packed lunch boxes, scarfs and gloves, a comfort teddy and a water bottle, a ruck sack…the next task what to get said items either in the ruck sack or on the little human, for them to waddle out of the door to the warm welcome of their parent or carer.
I did a sweep of the cloak area and found a black coat that a naive parent hadn’t labelled, it was black and purchase from Zara…as the adults looked for the little human without a coat we were struggling to reunite it. A little girl came over to me and prodded my thigh, for the purpose of this story I shall call her Bunches, as that was how her hair was styled. She said ‘I don’t have a coat’ – I showed ‘bunches’ the black Zara number and asked her if this was her coat, she thought for a while but her glaze didn’t convince me it was hers.
At that point a magisterial Muslim little girl came over and said in a patronising tone ‘Bunches, you wear that coat everyday, it’s YOUR coat!’
Bunches smiled at the Muslim little girl and pinched her cheeks ‘you are a cheeky chops’ she remarked, popped the coat on and returned to her space on the carpet. Myself and the other little girl were lost for words.
With the mystery of the abandoned coat seemingly resolved, I laughed at her response, imagining her parents responding with a cheeky chops affection.
Sometimes people (especially four year olds) don’t respond the way we think they may, sometimes people surprise you or in the case of Bunches, she certainly made me smile and giggle. In that moment she taught me a little bit of wisdom, always expect the unexpected and that guidance from friends is always welcome, even if she has cheeky chops.
As a crystal loving person and a self confessed positive princess this quote spoke to me.
As we head into winter, keeping our vibrations high is never more important. The weather is often not our friend, in the UK is too dark, too wet or too grey…I’m unsure what the best balance of grey is?
So this week I thought I’d keep it light and give you a few ways you can raise your energy and vibrations, these are all things I do for myself and my family to keep us sparkling into the warmer months.
Supplements: I alter my supplements to reflect what I need and as the changing season brings a darker world, the whole family takes vitamin D3. Vitamin D helps regulate the amount of calcium and phosphate in the body. In the warmer months the sun helps provide this and of course our diet can too, but who doesn’t like a little boost of sunlight in a capsule?
Walk but layer up: I know it’s cold and wet but try and get out. Autumns a beaut and the winter has charm. If you can get out, move those legs and get walking. Not only good for the muscle’s, circulation but somehow Mother Nature always lifts the spirits. Don’t forget to add some extra layers, the right clothing can make all the difference to your comfort.
Give a little: Whatever your love language is, don’t hibernate on it. Mine is baking, so when all I want to do is snuggle down and eat all of the carbohydrates…I make sure I give some to loved ones. Whilst the holiday season is upon us, we don’t need to wait for 25th December to give a little. Who doesn’t like to receive a warm loaf of bread for no reason?
Hugs are free: This is probably an all weather joy but look out for those that might be isolated or lonely during the colder months. A phone call can make someone’s day, a hug is even better. One family therapist has said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth” so whilst the natural world retreats, hug more and grow through the winter months. Oxitonsin is a joy chemical in our brains and hugs release this wonder chemical.
Lastly, retreat a little. Take it easy and wind down over the winter months. A slower pace that reflects the rhythm of nature is often beneficial for our souls. Recharge, eat well and if a nap in-front of a fire presents itself – dive in.
I feel like before I write this blog I should pay tribute to my British heritage and mention that a cup of tea can solve most problems…but if you are looking to enrich your life, I’d recommend a cheeseburger.
This is the tale of solace and not about burgers at all, so if you are a vegan keep reading and perhaps you’ll find your own alternative. As a household we eat well, I make most of our food from scratch, we aren’t huge snackers and we eat limited quantities of processed food, when creating dinners I am conscious to remove additives that are unnecessary and go to lengths to ensure we eat as many whole foods as possible.
Then there are cheeseburgers.
After the death of my daughter, I had existed on hospital food for far too long. It was just after 5pm when we left the hospital and we (myself and my partner) were driving home feeling everything and nothing. There are moments in life when you can’t explain how you are feeling, simply because the devastation you are holding is beyond human vocabulary. On the way home we drove through the Golden Arches and purchased a meal each. For as long as I can remember I’ve always ordered a double cheeseburger. But that cheeseburger hit a whole new level of nostalgia and taste sensation. Of course, it was a highly processed, low nutrient and a toxic standard product…I imagine it was all of these things that my empty shell needed in that moment. Many women after giving birth recall the white toast and butter served by the NHS the greatest food they’ve ever had. I’m not sure it has any gourmet greatness, it’s just an exhausted woman will find joy in sugar, fats and carbs.
That burger was sixteen years a go and grief process is still one that I’m learning to live alongside…with the help of a cheeseburger.
This is a photo of me in the drive through yesterday.
When the world becomes too much and my adult life is forced into overwhelmed I take myself for a secret cheeseburger.
Yesterday was no different. The Mr had gone out for a dog walk and my son was in his room playing…I knew it was a burger moment, so I called out that I was popping out. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and I didn’t purchase food for anyone else. Just a single burger (in my case a double cheeseburger), I drove to the arches, ordered via the drive through, ate my burger on the journey home and carried on my day like nothing had happened.
What’s actually occurring on that fifteen minute expedition is solace. I’m giving myself a small gap in my busy world to serve myself. To reconnect with grief and say ‘I see you, I feel you’ and I honour it with a good taste…a cheers to the universe if you like. I don’t need to talk, I do need to be alone and I do need to not serve anyone else. If I had my burger but also got things for everyone at home that wouldn’t serve its purpose, as a working parent all I do is juggle the running home/ work balance and it involves meal planing and pouring nutrients into my ever growing family…as you can see from the photo I’m not emotional, although wet tear filled cheeseburgers have been consumed in the past. What it’s about is prioritising myself. Being alone and not worrying about upsetting anyone else. Catching up with what I need and it’s often not about the burger at all, it’s about being with me, feeling what I need to feel and moving on.
Cheeseburger expeditions can be once or many times a year and never at a particular anniversary- they are always random at random times of day or night – grief never invites itself, it engulfs you during the most mundane tasks. I’ve never explained myself or felt the need to share the experience. It’s just a moment, a fifteen minute pause on life’s ever to do list, but often enough to allow me to return to my family content and rebalance.
Hugs are great and the company of my loved ones is always a welcome addition, even a good cry can be hugely beneficial for the soul, but sometimes (for me anyway) a cheeseburger can get me back on track. cheeseburgers make everything better, like a plaster on a cut knee.
As far back asI can recall my Mum and I have spent time together ‘talking sh*t’ – this means being silly, talking about nothing of importance and absolutely talking for the sake of talking. Sadly, I don’t live in walking distance of my parents, so I will often pick up the phone to ‘talk sh*t’ with her.
Mr F thinks it’s foolish but I’ve always felt it was good for the soul. Talking sh*t isn’t to be confused with gossip – that is often toxic and breeds discontent and negativity. Talking rubbish however, allows adults to play and often begins with a hypothetical scenario or an aspect of make believe.
Last night at the dinner table I asked my son what food he thought of when I said ‘dream meal’ – not what your dream meal is but what image you conjure in your mind, mine is a burger and his is a specific chicken burger, Mr F reluctantly joined in and said that he thought of pizza, he then asked why I had asked and I had to confess it was for no particular reason.
This morning I was in a supermarket grabbing some snacks after Rugby and I thought about last nights chat and whilst I got a pain au chocolat for myself, I got Mr F a pizza slice. As I handed it to him I remarked on how sometimes playing/chat for no good reason at the time allows us to better understand each other and that last nights dinner table banter had resulted in the manifestation of pizza slices, had we not have had the conversation we certainly all would have had pastries. He looked at me, as he often does with utter confusion and walked away.
I read this paragraph in another blog recently
Talking nonsense isn’t frivolous or meaningless. It’s an act of trust and love, a way of saying, “Here’s my unfiltered, quirky self,” and inviting the other person to respond in kind.
And it resonated with me. It made me reflect on my childhood and how, perhaps without knowing it my mother’s conversation with me were one of the many reasons I have such a clear sense of self. They often ended it laughter or a joke that only we shared and even when the topic was of a heavier nature, talking it through in a nonsensical manner meant the mood never deteriorated.
I’ll attach the link to the blog I read at the bottom of this post, it explores topics we have discussed on this blog previously about adults playing, being childish and how positive it is for mental health, but I can see that it’s also enriching as a shared activity, a bond and does allow you to better know those around you. Perhaps this week you might also ask some hypothetical questions over dinner; If you was a dog what breed would you be? If you had to pick a celebrity to be your best friend who would you select and why? The list of talking rubbish is endless but I think it might be the healthiest rubbish your body has ever absorbed. Lastly, a shout out to my Mum who’s always a phone call away to talk to.
I came across a lesson this week that I thought I would share. It was so visual in my mind it quickly took root and perhaps it will help you when you feel dysregulated.
Have you ever looked in a pool of water at your reflection? If the water is still it’s like looking in a mirror, sheer glass and a crystal clear reflection. It’s effortless and easy to see your reflection.
Have you ever boiled a pot of water? The bubbles rise with force and as it spits and hisses, the water appears cloudy. You can’t see your reflection. Yet it’s the same pool of water, with added intense energy.
Your body is approximately 60% water, it can be a little higher in men and a little lower in those who don’t maintain a healthy physique. So in many ways the analogy of a pool of water above relates perfectly to your body…we are all pools of water. If we have demands and frustrations ‘boiling over’ how can we make calm and meaningful decisions?
Since thinking of myself as a vessel of water, I’ve noticed when emotions begin to bubble to the service, more importantly I’ve also noticed how to turn my own thermostat down. Having worked with hundreds of dysregulated children over my career I’ve learnt that we all soothe differently. For me, I can handle the ‘bubbles of life’ best if I am early to wake and early to bed. Sleep is crucial for my wellbeing. As an extrovert I also enjoy companionship but it only fills my cup if it’s meaningful interaction. This means thinking about events before they occur and deciding whether they will enrich my life or drain my soul. *all human interaction is not equal
Rituals also help to keep balance that in turn can keep you calmer – a luxury bath on a Sunday evening sets me up perfectly for a good week ahead. Time with friends in nature and a good book by my side all help to keep me still.
Of course sometimes our pots boil and sometimes events occur beyond our control, but knowing what you need and how you can include elements of this, even in the most trickiest of times can help your thoughts to form and keep boiling water at bay. This week notice what creates bubbles in your life and see if you can turn the heat down.
Often in films when a person is dying and reaching for that last breath, they see a cherished flashback of their lives. If you’re paying attention then sometimes whilst living you take a breath, see a view, feel an experience and know deep down in your soul that that image/moment will be in your life’s reel.
Bizarrely whilst watching a series on Netflix this evening I had that moment. It was season two of Luke Cage, in the episode he gets off a bus – no spoilers here, so I’m not revealing where he has been or where he is going but I will tell you he is at peace with his past and looking forward to his future. As he gets off the bus he looks up to the sky and the sun shines down upon him.There are no words but his facial expressions filled by soul. He was blissful and in that moment, despite it being a TV show he evoked a deep feeling of freedom to me. I’ll always remember it.
Why? Because I am truly privileged in that I’ve always had my freedom. I was born free, given opportunities, allowed to make decisions about my path and tonight I will go to bed free…
One of my super powers is gratitude. I am a Jedi Ninja warrior princess of seeing the silver lining. I can turn dark into light, despair into repair and crush hate with a blessing…I don’t get angry, I kill them with kindness.
As Luke looked up to the sun, it wasn’t freedom that I felt, it was a huge sense of gratitude for the freedoms that I often take for granted. Within the series he had lost them, fought for them and faced his demons and in that moment – he had won.
As we run out of 2025 and absorb the last few months it has to offer. I believe it’s easy to get caught in what we didn’t have and forget to hold dear what we had, what we still have and what we hold dear. If you’ve ever experienced a shock, had a panic attack, asthma attack or fainted, you may of also lost your breath – just for a moment , just an inhale…I promise with that next gulp of C02 you felt gratitude for something a simple, vital and often something we neglect; the breath.
To be alive, whatever our circumstances is a gift many have lost, one we will all eventually also loose but one worth waking up for and marking the moment with a salute to a new day, a new breath.
When you next reflect back on 2025 and perhaps set intentions for all that is to come, be grateful for the freedoms we often take for granted, the breath that go unnoticed and the simple pleasures of life, this in turn will make sure that your life’s flash back is one grounded in love, gratitude and joy. That’s a life worth living.
I was born believing in magic and I’ve alway believed that our beliefs create our reality. This week I have a powerful practise, complete with lesson in manifesting that I wanted to share.
The first was inspired by Neville Goddard and is an optimistic practice that I read about; in essence from the moment you wake you seek out clues / signs / moments that may indicate that this is the best day of your life. Prior to falling asleep you try to count how many clues you found. Thus, you wake looking for good and go to sleep in a state of good…the first morning I discovered ‘the game’ I thought id mastered it…I was lying in bed and the sun was pouring though the curtains, on the ceiling was a rainbow from a crystal I have hanging in the centre of my window, Mr F bought me a tea in bed and…I’ve already counted several before getting out of bed this would be easy!
That day we were all packed up for a couple of days away in a beautiful hotel; paddle board loaded, snacks for the journey and we were on route for our first stop – a fabulous cafe where the food is incredible and a family firm favourite. Sat in the passenger seat I went through the itinerary the hotel had sent with regard to our check in….I then checked the date, the email, the date…the email and I felt panic. I had made a huge mistake. In essence (and I’ve no idea how I did it and hadn’t noticed prior) I had booked the incorrect dates. According to the email booking we were meant to check in the day prior. Our mini break was suddenly looking like a long car journey to an over night stop, but with the expense of having funded an empty room. Added to the fact I’d booked it over a bank holiday weekend in August…suddenly optimism fell out of my hands and I spiralled into doubt. I checked the hotels website – of course they were fully booked. Knowing we had a place to sleep that evening, I checked other local hotels for the remainder nights – fully booked. Let’s remind you of my current scenario, it’s early in the morning and the family is packed, high expectations for the adventure ahead and we are IN THE CAR driving…
I then remembered that worst things happen at sea…nobody was hurt and it was my error. Yes, it’s was a costly mistake and upsetting my family is the last thing I’d want to do. Excepting full responsibility I decided it was time for a manifesting upgrade, spiralling into a panic of doom wasn’t going to help anybody, I was meant to be looking for signs this was the best day of my life, I couldnt begin the day with a huge let down. I took a conscious moment to breath and turned my attention to being ‘deliberately delusional’
I decided (in my head) that I was going to email the hotel and explain my error, that I had wanted to stay for *the dates I actually wanted and ask if they could help me. That at 9:02am they would reply and all would be well. The universe doesn’t like you working out the details, it likes to be creative so I didn’t over think all of the ways it could be fixed (or all the things that could go wrong), I let it go.
Once I wrote my email I returned to being deliberately delusional and turned the car into my own personal high vibing karaoke. At 8:42am I cheated and checked my emails…nothing.
Honestly, it’s hard to be positive and delusional when you are listening to your family talk about what they want to do ‘when we get there’… I may of looked at my emails a few more times but I also stayed faithful that by 9:02am all would be well. I’ve no idea why I picked this time?
Continuing to keep my vibration state high, I lost track of time and at 9:10am I checked my emails…sure enough at 9:02am the hotel receptionist had replied, Magic.
In the email he stated what I had booked and how he could see we hadn’t checked in, that he had looked at options for the dates I’d wanted to stay and he could make this happen, he then asked if I could confirm the change of dates!
I screamed with joy.
I replied ‘Oh my gosh I actually love you! Thank you so much, yes of course I would adore the alteration of dates and we will be there for check in at 3pm where I could hopefully thank him in person’ he replied saying he would be off shift by then, but that he was happy to help and that as the room was empty and ready the day prior we could check in ahead of time.
Thrilled we went on to have a wonderful break and I think this photograph shows how Mother Nature stepped up to help us have the most beautiful experience. (No filters needed)
Being deliberately delusional is a tricky skill and I don’t always master it, after all it’s hard to be optimistic when ‘lack’ knocks on your door but if you can step away from the negative energy, let the problem go and see it as ‘done’ I still believe you can manifest anything you heart desires. This was a great day, but with a delusional mindset for greatness nothing can stop tomorrow for being even better.
Dishwasher is on, washing line is full and the sun is doing her thing, I’ve drank my matcha tea and I’ve dropped my child in a random field so he can play football for several hours, so I take a moment to call one of my closest friends.
Sadly her life is upside down with family health issues, she can’t commit to anything as hospital appointments and waiting by the telephone is her current reality. I get it, we’ve all been there. At the other end of the phone I feel helpless, but I want to be of use. I don’t want to say the wrong thing but I also don’t want to say nothing . Then my ADHD brain says ‘changing the subject, have to ever owned a debobbler?’ She giggles and we work out the grown up term is a ‘lint remover’…we unanimously decide the word ‘debobbler’ is far too beautiful in the mouth to say and my term remains. She tells me she hasn’t but she has thought about purchasing one in the past. I explain that I have a new jumpsuit and I’ve only worn it about three times, as I was on the phone I looked down and noticed that on the right hand side pocket area it’s bobbled, being the intelligent friend she points out it’s probably where I carry my bag, she’s right!…in order to save the jumpsuit a debobbler must be purchased.
The call ends and I purchase two. One for me and one for my friend. I can’t help with the medical chaos and my words are plasters on a seeping wound…but I can buy her a debobbler.
Amazon Prime helps and with next day delivery we have both received our products the following afternoon. Other rainforest brands are available. I opted for a 3 setting, USB, LED cute little number in white with a rose gold trim because life’s too short for black dull devices.
Below is a link to the product I purchased. It’s an affiliated link but at the moment (the times I am posting this article) it comes with a 21% discount (how random is 21?)
The downside to my new toy is you have to charge it which delays the joy. BUT at 10pm I take it off charge as I’m of to bed and decide I’m going to play with it first thing in the morning, except I’m me and I’m spontaneous by design and so I can resist grabbing the jumpsuit and giving it a go…my review which nobody asked for – it’s incredible, amazing and magical. It works a dream and is seriously satisfying to use.
By 11pm I’m on my bedroom floor with various objects from a crotchet toy Octopus my son has, a Fat Face winter jacket and some bedding…all magically returning to their bobble removed state. At this point my boyfriend has lost the will to live and is keeping out of my way. I am having fun. My new toy is bringing me joy, as a now experienced debobbler I can say it was worth it. Every family should have one. It’s late at night but I am happy, singing and humming as I debobble.
At around 8am my friend texts (she isn’t so spontaneous and has patience to wait until the next day) she sends me little videos of her debobbling a cushion…I can hear in her voice that she is pleased and her texts go on to say she’s telling her family about it, she may even take it to the hospital later to show everyone. I am so pleased to hear her voice sounds so cheerful.
At this point in the blog, I usually conclude with a paragraph that brings the moral of the waffle to some pivotal point. However, this mini moment in my life has a few…
Debobbler is a great word and lint remover sounds surgical
Finding fun and light relief in adult life is essential for our wellbeing, in your darkest moments make room for magic or buy a debobbler
If you have financial capacity – share the joy with a friend, I’m already thinking about what I’m going to send her next…any ideas welcome in the comment box below
Fun doesn’t have to be conventional, it doesn’t have to involve leaving the house. You can find moments of joy is the oddest of places…which remind me…
The debobbler also comes with the satisfaction of having to remove the lint from the back of the blade. If you grew up in the 80s:90s when tumble dryers needed the lint removing then you’ll know that this is super satisfying!
Like I said, this isn’t a paid advertisement and my opinions are based on joy alone. In a world that is often difficult to navigate, please know that you don’t have to live with bobbles and sharing the joy often adds to the joy. Don’t stop having fun.
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