Little people, growing shoots, happy hearts and muddy boot.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

An extract from a poem, unfortunately I can’t see an author to give credit.

I picked the quote to remind myself of what childhood should be about after seeing a post from Emma Nicolet on Instagram, she’s an influencer and also a parent. Her post was about not giving your children smart phones. I thought I’d share how we are navigating this in our home at present. *warning: some of the content in this blog may be a trigger for some readers.

It’s important to say that in my teaching career in a secondary school, Ive seen the worst that social media and the online world can offer children. Online male pedophiles claiming to be 14yrs old boys, grooming, raping and then deleting all trace of evidence, bullying to the degree that death threats are whacked into WhatsApp messages as casual as asking ‘what’s for dinner?’, issues that occur out of school being dragged into the school community and taking up significant amounts of pastoral staffs time on a daily basis, suicidal ideation and self harm a daily occurrence where children use their devices to access ‘how to’ clips…I think you get my drift.

I also have an eleven year old child who is due to start secondary school in the new academic year and will be accessing public transport. We are fortunate that he doesn’t have a huge interest in the internet, he is your ‘sports / mud / outdoors kind of kid. We thought about not bothering with a mobile device, that he could use public phones like we did growing up…then my partner pointed out that in our rural location – there simply aren’t any. Public transport is also minimal and options are limited. He may need to contact us from time to time to be able to get home.

I’ve always made my son aware of online issues, we’ve read articles together and I’ve gathered his opinions. Last week in a family gathering (both parents and him on the top of the landing hallway randomly as we were about to leave the house) asked him if he’d like one and what that may look like. Up until now he’s always said things like ‘nah, they’re pointless and I’ll just break it’ (the kid is at least aware of his own weaknesses), however he said ‘if only they did a phone that was just a phone, then I could call you if I needed you but not all the other drama’…I then produced a Nokia 2760 (which use to belong to his Grandad) like a Blue Peter presenter ‘here’s one I made earlier’ . The phone launched in 2007 and is a very basic flip phone, limited internet and a pixilated camera phone. I then splashed out on a 99p pay as you go SIM card and he was in action, the kids worth it…

Several things then happened: we don’t need to worry about online content and group messages – he can’t access them. We don’t need to use apps to track his fancy device or worry about breaking it – we’re talking vintage Nokia, designed to be indestructible. If he looses it (when) it’ll cost under £20 to replace. Whilst he enjoys rummaging in his pocket and flipping his phone like a 90s swathe James Bond character, it’s already become practical within a few days of ownership and lost the glamour that a smart phone may have, so we don’t need to worry about his posture as he stares downwards 24/7 or how many hours he’s on the device. It’s a phone, a safety device, a tool…

This is how we are choosing to parent currently, it’s a decision like whether you eat at the table or what you allow your child to watch. It’s working for us because the decision is child led, we aren’t making him have something he doesn’t want, we are giving him something that might keep him a little safer. I’m also aware of the issues around having a perceived ‘burner phone’.

Whilst I’m sure a smart phone will be useful down the line, we are currently on the ‘stabiliser’ version of mobile phones, for us and more importantly for our child, it’s not something we need the added drama from, he has access to a laptop for homework, a gaming console (in our communal area – not in his bedroom and not online) and as stated earlier, he would rather be catching a Rugby ball than staring at a screen. However, I wanted to share our story as it may help you navigate your own journey of ‘online parenting’, I’m aware there are many apps and parental safety devices that you can install – however, I’m unsure that more technology is required to solve the problems that technology created in the first place. If this post resonates with you, please share with others, raising digital humans is hard, as parents we will never get it all correct, but it’s worth being aware that sometimes there are alternative options. Here’s to a few more days of happy hearts and muddy boots.

If it’s still on your mind, it’s worth the risk

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Mostly, I write to remind myself of lessons I need to learn, sometimes I write to capture lessons I’ve learnt so that you the reader don’t have to, today I’m writing for you. Perhaps you have a risk that won’t leave your mind. A step you’ve considered taking and have reasons not to take. This post is for you.

I’d like to tell you how I climb the highest mountain in the world even though everyone said I couldn’t…alas, this is not my story. Mine is a lot less riskier but I’m hoping the moral may resonate with you.

Yesterday I was at home and really wanted to eat some chip shop chips. No other would do, my son suggested getting some from the freezer and adding cheese on top. Whilst I know the value of cheesy chips – I also know that when I really want something and it won’t leave my mind I have to make it happen.

After about forty five minutes the thought hadn’t left my mind, I turned a podcast on – of course they were discussing chip shop chips! I took that as my sign, I jumped in my car (invited my family but they were all content at home and thought my need for chips was a little insane) and drove to the nearest chip shop.

I parked up and walked to the shop, I asked for them to be opened, meaning I could eat them immediately. I added a ridiculous amount of salt and vinegar on to them (if we’re doing something then let’s do it properly) I then strolled down the street content, at ease and extremely happy, I ended up walking past my car and following the river edge, as I walked I made a list of all of the things I was grateful for (number one was my bag of chips) and felt content. I stopped at a swing park and popped my empty wrapper in the bin, sat on the swing and felt content. Content on a swing is even better, you’re at peace and you’re flying…it’s a win win situation.

I headed to the car, rang some friend’s and drove home. My little detour lunch trip allowed me to come home revitalise and I carried on with my day. Sometimes a spontaneous solo date is what your soul needs and sometimes it’s chips. In my case it was both.

The risks were low but I’m hoping sharing this silly story inspires you to live bravely, to serve your dreams, your ideas and commit to achieving what you want to do. Often if an idea keeps on replaying there is something in it, looking back I’m unsure if mine was about chips at all? Perhaps I needed a dash of alone time, to get out of the house, a walk in nature…or perhaps I did need chips? We don’t have any guarantees in life, we don’t know when our last chapter may end, but we can eat the chips if we have take action and make it happen.

*the writer of the post takes no responsibility for you the reader now craving a bag of chips, or going on to live an inspired and awesome life.

Don’t wait for the opportunity- create it.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

This blog post was inspired by one of my tribe, I was telling her a tale over the phone and she said ‘Lucy, that’s a blog post’ despite me sounding insane, here it is…

Sometimes we can alter things that no longer serve us, stale relationships or toxic work environments…other things like paying bills and most adult responsibilities still have to be done. I deal with the miserable moments by reframing them, it doesn’t change the action but it changes the way I feel towards the action. Below is the story I shared with my friend.

I really hate putting diesel in my car. It feels like invisible money is being consumed and it’s not the actual act (of getting out of the car and filling the car up) that I dislike it’s paying for ‘pointless things like Diesel’ – I should probably note here, that I’m totally aware that without said product my car won’t run, it’s a necessity and as my job requires me to drive to various places and I opted to live in the countryside – fuel allows accessibility and is an essential…but my inner child just thinks it’s a terrible way to spend money and often a lot of money.

Last year I purchased my dream car. I talk to her all of the time, out loud and as if she were a person. Notice ‘she’ has pronouns and yes I’m that person that named my car. * not all cars, only the ones I truly love.

Last week I was coming out of work and had been in the office all day, as I approached my car I said aloud ‘ooo I love that you waited for me here all day – thank you, I do hope you had a lovely day too’ at which point a man (no idea who he was) said ‘it’s been ok’ – of course he would assume I was talking to him, we were the only two humans in the carpark, my then British upbringing quickly allowed me to reply ‘I’m pleased – and I do hope you have a lovely long Easter weekend’ *cringe. Obviously like any sane woman myself and my car had a good laugh when I was safely locked inside.

I digress, back to the pumps – even with a car I adore, I still hate paying for fuel. It actually makes me feel sad and even if my boyfriend is kind enough to fill it up for me, I still feel naff about the fuel and money situation.

So, I reframed it. I now give my car a once a fortnight vitamin top up. She has a full tank of vitamin B7 that helps her run efficiently, she deserves it, she’s earned it, she’s a legend and deserves the best. I would happily give her a spa day… if she wasn’t a car. I also use to go weekly to top up, but although I don’t run the fuel low (she’s a Queen after all), I find limiting the ‘vitamin top ups’ also helps to raise my positive vibration. Honestly, buying diesel now isn’t an issue like it was.

If you’ve read this far and are worried for my sanity, I fully understand why. I think the fact I know I play games (totally race cars on duel carriage ways that don’t know we’re racing, always thank green lights when they are in my favour….always thank red lights – they’re slowing me down preventing me from coming to harm in the future if I hadn’t stopped) in my head and I’m aware that not everybody else does is ok. Mainly, because everyone else looks a little miserable and for all my faults, I’m honestly a genuinely happy person.

If you’re able to take advice from a lady that talks to her car, then my advice is simple. If you have a chore of part of your universe that gets you down – think about how you can reframe it for a positive. I briefly mentioned the thanking lights game, however often when I stop at lights I see frustrated drivers, sometimes even angry drivers behind the wheel due to a red light stopping their flow – that can’t be healthy for themselves or other drivers on the road? A quick reframe can make a mundane task a little more bearable. Enjoy.

My alone time is for everyone’s safety

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote on a tote bag of a lady in the street

I saw this tote bag quote, laughed and then agreed on a deep metaphysical level…we all need time alone.

As an only child I’m an expert at being by myself. I’ll self indulge in all of the things I like to do and have a lovely time, but I prefer it if others are close at hand. For example, I like taking myself off to the bathroom for a candle lit bath, read and hair mask…but I like to hear the family downstairs. My Aunt, also an only child is a whole new level of alone and she can do weeks in her own company…that would make me climb the walls.

Introverts and extroverts both need time alone and time with others, both energise us, it’s just as individuals we all have specific amounts of time we require in each.

If I’m in a city, meeting friends and having various experiences I find the place exhilarating but I’m also drained for days afterwards. A huge advantage of getting older is being able to fine tune your needs and know what you’ll need after an event. If I’ve been to a Wedding or a huge social occasion – alone time after is for everyone safety. It will take my body days to recover and I’m likely to be grouchy and quick tempered if I do have to be in company, made worse if the occasion means I haven’t had time to sleep in my own bed and ground myself.

As we step into a new week, step back and take a look at your schedule, is there anywhere you need to make some time to recharge, be it alone or with others? Sometimes, I find I need to plan things to do with others to look forward to and to get through monotonous days, other times it’s the opposite and I’ll need to cancel events so I can stay home and top up my sanity by not interacting with a human.

How do you help enrich your energy and do you have any tips for sustaining your energy for longer?

Old keys won’t open new doors

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’ve been fortunate to pass through many doors, some old and some new, some in foreign lands and my favourite – my front door to my home.

However, the truth is that not all doorways serve us and not all corridors to those doors benefit us. Ridiculously as humans, we often continue to walk pathway’s that we know don’t serve us…just because it’s familiar and comfortable, often not even noticing that old habits lead to old outcomes.

I find that doorways are often the larger goals in life, so instead let’s focus on the windows. What would you like to see in your life? Take one new ‘vision’ and focus on that. You know yourself better than anyone else in the universe, so how best can you work towards that vision? How can you create time to build a new habit into your day, to prioritise action? Great news, it often doesn’t mean you have to extend your day by waking earlier or staying up later, it usually means you have to think of a habit that doesn’t serve you and swap them over. For example, I spend a lot of time reading each week but I barely watch television. Personally, I adore books and find they enrich my world and whilst I do enjoy small amounts of television, I prefer to watch something with purpose, rather than just because the TV is on. Lowering screen time allows me to build in time to pursue my reading and also means I enjoy the television I do watch when I choose to. These small windows of joy collectively can help you reach your target doorways – whether that be the doorway to health and well-being or a doorway to financial freedom.

However, old keys for doorways from the past that aren’t aligned with who you are or who you want to be are often useless. They keep you in the past and lead to the same familiar places, again this isn’t always a negative but it’s worth taking time to reflect on the doors you do open.

The tongue weighs nearly nothing but few people can hold it

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

For readers that know me personally this might be a ‘pot /kettle’ kind of quote. I often lack the filter between my brain and my thoughts and with close people I can often over share. However, I was drawn to this quote for another reason.

Recently, I learnt a lesson that has since altered my perspective of human interaction. I was in a situation where I felt that someone needed to apologise for their behaviour, in general this human is frequently inconsiderate and rude. The interaction was via text (not someone close to me) and I sent the message in the politest tone I could. What came back to me several hours later was a message with no apology and a ramble of excuses, upon reading the text it was also rude and it lit a flame of fury inside of me. Until I realised that any interaction I’ve had with this human has been vile, why would this situation be any different? Why would a person who is inconsiderate be considerate in response?

The lesson is just this, we often expect others to handle situations the way we might, we push our values and societal expectations on others and then…we are shocked when people don’t meet our baseline. A person at a bus stop pushing in front of others, people that litter, people who don’t hold doors for others, narcissists being selfish…the list goes on. The reality that I realised was that perhaps the insane person in this scenario was me. I wouldn’t expect a person who speaks another language to understand English with no support. I wouldn’t expect a toddler to be articulate with their needs and desires. Why would I expect someone who is inconsiderate to act with consideration?

Learning this lesson made me feel instantly relieved. Often interactions with others don’t work out well and that’s ok, this serves two purposes 1) These aren’t your people – keep walking. 2) Interactions are often more about the other persons state of being than you. As such, don’t take it personally.

Holding your tongue isn’t always productive, it can quickly lead to storing negative energy in your body and that often leads to poor health, that said if you can let the negative interaction go whilst holding your tongue, walking away and feeling better – sometimes silence can be the best solution.

If you lost it, would you buy it again?

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Fumio Sasaki

With the first month of the year behind us and warmer and lighter days on the horizon, I can’t help but feel a little hope for Spring. Traditionally a time for decluttering and deep cleaning, I’ve decided to begin early by moving items on.

I’ve currently created a three way declutter option that works for my family, my hope is this post will help you to do the same.

Sell it on: My favourite option (because people often come to your door, which means I can make money from my sofa) is facebooks market place. I will offer to drop off locally, or people can come to my home to collect, for certain items I ‘consider’ posting, working electronic items are great to sell, as often charity shops won’t accept these, although I never post these as they can get easily damaged in the post.

I’ve recently been late to the Vinted party to sell clothes as I don’t find they do well on Facebook but I am no expert. Either way, on average I’ve made between £400 and £800 on Facebook my selling items on each year. The downside is that all my friends that follow me have to look at my old rubbish (sorry)

Charity bag: I constantly have a bag for the charity shop on the go, after a while if it hasn’t sold on Facebook I’ll pop it in the charity shop, smaller items and things I think are more ‘charity’ will also go in the bag. We then drop off a small bag about once a month and know that our items that are in good condition will have a new lease of life whilst raising money for charity. The trick here is to have the bag ready so that it’s easy for you to pop in and not have to to think twice.

Sometimes it’s gotta go: Some items have had their day in the sun, have faded and need to go to the tip, items that are broken and no use. We keep this pile in our shed and this journey happens about four times a year. In an eco world where reuse and recycling is big this can often make people feel guilty. It’s worth mentioning that often the tip will recycle these items and our refuse place has a ‘to good to go’ section where people can pick up bits for free. Free cycle.com is also another site where things that need a little love are often collected by locals for free. However, sometimes things come to the end of their life and thats ok.

The main reason I’m a huge advocate of decluttering is that we don’t need it all, we hugely over consume as a society and I often find that decluttering can become a form of self care, the joy I receive from pulling out a cupboard of junk, going through it (sometimes laughing at the memories) and then reorganising and putting some items back, often makes me feel good. A clean and clearer cupboard often means my head becomes a little clearer too. I also feel good handing a bag of items over to the charity shop knowing they’ll find good homes and a new lease of life.

There are other websites you can sell on, from eBay to depop, and some people prefer a traditional boot sale is the way to shift items…find what works for you, but I urge you to release the items that no longer serve and embrace a little more space in your home rather than over flowing cupboards that resemble a game of Tetris. I promise you’ll feel better with less stuff and perhaps a little more cash in your back pocket.

People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from ‘To kill a mockingbird’

As a lover of books, ‘To kill a mockingbird’ was a wonderful read I discovered when I was in my late twenties and it didn’t disappoint. I often find with literature that is respected and appreciated over decades that it often hits right, even if it isn’t usually the genre of book you read, you can usually appreciate why others do.

Today’s blog post is a simple reminder for you to refocus your lens on life. We can often get caught within our daily routines in producing outcomes and ultimately a quality of life that becomes predictable and repetitive, there is nothing wrong with that if you are content in your experience. As energetic beings we also attract similar people to our circle and therefore the people around us often have similar goals, interests and outlooks…again, great if you’re content with you circle of friends but this can feel stagnant and even claustrophobic if you desire more.

I recently invited you to ‘play more’ (Click here to read more) and in this post the game we are going to play is based on manifesting our desires into our reality. To believe in your own power we often need to see evidence to inspire us.

Today was spent at a Rugby game in the UK January weather…it’s no surprise that the light rain, wind and cold made for a negative concoction. This seemed to relate to the process our team was having on the field. We needed to see the joy around us, so with the help of a seven year old sidelined little sister we began to see who could see ‘xxx’ first and set each other goals that we completed at the same time. Within minutes we began to see tiny flowers in the mud drenched grass, a disguarded gem (something that sparkles) at the edge of the pitch and suddenly the bleak weather didn’t matter. With our spirits lifted we were magical manifesters and the game results also began to pick up. My son even scored a try.

If you walk into the office expecting to hear gossip and moans…you’ll find them. Instead on route to work lookout for a feather or something purple to help raise your vibration. If you’re greeted my negative conversation in the office, remove yourself and where possible lift your vibrations, this could be as simple as paying someone a compliment or making a cup of tea.

If we do see what we look for, then we need to make sure our expectations are high if that’s the life we wish to attract. Give it a go, you’ll be surprised at what you can attract.

Believe you can and you’re half way there

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

As another week flys by in 2024 and the resolution or challenge you set yourself might be harder to fulfil. At the moment we are watching a series on Amazon prime called ‘Mad Men’ it’s set in the 1950/60s in New York City in an Advertising firm…we are several episodes in but my partner and I can’t get over the amount of alcohol and smoking that occurs. Long alcohol fuelled lunches are the norm and often the house wife is ready to greet her husband with a lighter and cold beverage at the end of the day. The office is a place you can smoke in whilst you work and so are theatres and restaurants …in-fact everywhere, you can smoke everywhere. I can’t imagine going to a doctor now to be examined and him leaning over me with a cigarette on the go? But this was the cultural norm. New Year’s resolutions can often be a culture shift for the individual. You start exercising more, seeing progress but only a few weeks in its easy to be distracted (the weather or a social event) and means your new habit goes out of the window. Your neurone pathways naturally go back to a comfortable older version of you who doesn’t exercise and missing a day can quickly become a lost week, which can easily become a goal that isn’t achieved.

In itself it doesn’t matter, you can pick it back up – but most people don’t. I recently heard a podcast where a man described his friend who ran a marathon with very little training. Whilst I would never advocate for this approach – I’m a firm believer in ‘fail to prepare, prepare to fail’ I was interested in how the man achieved his goal. He completed the marathon in under four hours and he did so by focusing on ‘one more step’

One more step rather than twenty more miles. As humans we often have one more step in us but give up because we look to far into the future and become overwhelmed by twenty more miles…what the man did was stayed positive and focused on the present.

If you are struggling with creating new patterns of behaviour, remember to take one more step. Focus on that you achieved it today, knowing that you will also do it tomorrow…repeat times 365 times and you’ve completed your goal for the year. Small steps, one more step is all you need to begin to achieve your goals. Remember, we can look back at past versions of ourselves and we can be surprised with the progress we have made.

Best of luck with the next step.

So many kisses, so little time.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Atticus

I’m so excited for 2024, I’m unsure if it’s the even numbers, the hope in my heart or the fact that I’ve been swept up by vision boards and manifesting?

Regular readers will know that I often pick a word to encapsulate my hopes for the year ahead. It helps to build a vision for the year and your personal achievements. For those of you looking to travel, you may like ‘explore’ or ‘clarity’ if you haven’t got a clue what you’d like to achieve! If you are feeling overwhelmed then ‘survive’ is also 100% acceptable, this word is for you and nobody else.

This year my word is bloom.

There are so many aspects of my life that I’d like to blossom in, but this year I will be wrapping it with a bow of romance. Having been in a long term relationship for nearly fifteen years, I don’t actually mean the lovey dovey type. Instead I mean the self love romance, the slowing down and taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures the world offers us. If you think you could do with some romance in your life and the idea appeals then below are some ideas on how you can romance yourself and those around you during 2024.

Buy yourself flowers: a simple idea but I’m not talking about the supermarket type thrown in the basket, instead support small businesses and go to your local florist, take time to pick a selection of the flowers that make you smile. Take them home and display them in a spot that you get to admire them in. You could even extend the love and send some to a friend or loved one for absolutely no reason, which in my opinion is the best reason to receive flowers.

Brunch or coffee date: This requires you to calendar some time to yourself and pre plan some time away from the world. That in itself is a luxury for most, to maximise the time – take yourself to your favourite cafe and enjoy an hour for yourself. Dating yourself is cheaper alone and you can recharge your battery, the benefits also include to having to make small talk although you will guarantee you’ll have to pay the bill.

Bath time: if leaving the house is too complex, simply lock the door to the bathroom and create a mini spa at home. Use the ‘best’ bath salts you have, perhaps a hair mask or face mask and relax. This recharged hour is bound to help you feel sensual and loving, I usually take a hot drink or glass of fizz with me for indulgence. *bath toys are not permitted in sight!

Simple pleasures: often if we take our minds back to the romantic moments of most classic films the ‘aww’ moments are often other people being thoughtful and kind. This year I hope to ‘bloom’ by simply slowing down and enjoying the present moment. Rather than eating breakfast whilst wandering around the house and completing mediocre tasks at the same time as shovelling mouthfuls of cereal in your mouth (full disclosure- this was totally my reality this morning), take two extra minutes to slice some fruit or present your breakfast in a bowl that makes you smile. When having a cup of tea, grab a saucer – add a biscuit of the side ‘just for cuteness’ and pause.

Romance is often about time standing still, whilst most of us don’t have that luxury in our day to day lives, we can often plan to spend two minutes extra on a task that might just make you feel two times better about life.

Romance yourself because you’re worth it and enjoy the ride. If you think of any other ideas then please leave a comment below or reach out to me on social media, as I plan to do all these things in 2024 and more! I may even disappear on a weekend city break at some point and use romancing’ myself as an excuse…