wellbeing

Fortune favours the bold

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from a Latin proverb

On the eve of my sons tenth birthday he asked me at the dinning room table if ‘for his birthday’ he could put his favourite quote on our fridge… internally my mothers pride and quote goddess did backflips, externally the wise mother checked what quote he wanted. *if you’ve ever spent any time with a ten year old boy you’ll know that anything is possible and not necessarily appropriate. He said he’d like his favourite proverb, internally again, I was ecstatic that he knew the word ‘proverb’, and delivered the optimistic and courageous words found in the title.

How could I say no? That night while he slept and his Dad and I did last minute banner hanging and gift wrapping I took down the previous quote and went with his.

Parenting a double digit child I’m certainly needing this quote daily, he seems to have found a new level of freedom and independence that wasn’t present when he was nine. My mothering instinct wants to bubble wrap him from the world and keep him safe with me, but I also see ‘fortune’ when he returns with a new independent smile – he has achieved something all on his own.

It began with taking his bike out alone, a little further each day, it expanded when he announced he was meeting his Grandparents at the local cafe for breakfast. He explained the table was booked for 9:30am so he would leave at ten past, park his bike in his Nans garage and that would give them plenty of time to walk to the cafe…sure enough at around 9:08am he said ‘right, shoes on – I’m off, catch you later’ …what happened to me making the plans with his Nanny? Instead, I swallowed my own insecurities and reminded his to look both ways.

When he returned he’d bought me a cake and I couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of our little dude (and always grateful for cake and thoughtful gestures)

Next he wanted to go to the supermarket to purchase some items so he could make lunch. I asked what we needed to buy, but he insisted it was all a surprise…he wanted to make lunch with us all on his own – from shop to plate.

He has been ten for nearly a month now and I’m feeling braver as he is bold, the fortune is all mine as I watch him grow into his own person, the gift of parenting is certainly from a distance of late and I dare say that distance will grow during the teenage years – something nobody warns you when your pregnant. The first steps, words and trying new foods soon becomes the lasts, in fact I’m not sure when I was last able to pick him up and carry him? He is working on picking me up now.

Be bold but take care and caution my mighty ten.

Breath. believe. release. receive

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote Anon

Gratitude, manifesting, eating well and exercising all come naturally to me. Whilst I don’t do any of them immaculately and I tend to dip in and out, I know what I need to do, it’s usually poor choices that get in my way. Me – it’s always me that gets in the way.

Through the years of my yoga practise I’ve learnt over and over again how important the breath is. Thanks to numerous wellbeing podcasts meditation is also something I know I should have a daily practise with. I don’t. I never have and should I meditate on a Monday, I always feel better but it’s months before I return to the practise. Why as humans are we so poor at making time for things we know are good for us? Yet daily I make time to idly scroll on social media, gossip and allow ‘life’ to side track me.

…I know this is the paragraph where I’m meant to share wisdom and all of the answers to the questions I’ve raised above, but I’m just a little lady working through this crazy world too. However, I have managed to sustain a meditation practice for the last 14 days! I don’t feel like I’m a guru on the topic but I will share how I did it and will continue to do it, in hope that perhaps my new habit can either influence you do follow suit or deal with your own habits that you’d like to improve on.

I’m a mornings person and I’m also blessed to sleep like a goddess, so with this in mind my meditation practise happens before I get out of bed. I wake, twitch my nose, stretch my body in a star fish diva action and then I begin. Personally, I find morning meditation sets me up with a positive mindset for a better start to my day. It’s worth considering when you feel you’d best benefit from your new habit. It helps me to get the task done as soon as possible and then I can carry on with my day, knowing I’ve nailed the hard stuff!

I’m still new to this practise so I need someone to hold my hand, as such a guided meditation is working well for me. I’m using an app and listening with my headphones (this also has the luxury of shutting out the household noise of family life – bliss). The app I’m using is insight timer. *this is not an ad

Now here comes the best bit. My intention is to mediate daily, so at this stage it’s a success if the meditation lasts minutes or hours. As such even on my busiest days, I can always wake five minutes earlier to help me achieve my goal. The app allows you to select from meditations in lengths, so I simply click the five minute option and select one that resonates. Let me enhance the magic of this and whys it’s been so successful…I’m not concerning myself with whether my meditation has been groundbreaking, I’m not evaluating whether I cleared my mind, received divine intervention or am at one with the universe…I’m successful if I meditate full stop.

Most days, in my experience I’ve found that I can often give 20minutes or more. This means that I feel like achieved to a higher level…I’ve not just done a quick meditation – I’ve prioritised and excelled my expectations. That said, on busy mornings I’m equally proud to have made five minutes count.

Let me give you one more example because when it comes to building habits we all need to be kinder to ourselves when we achieve…if I go out and run, I successfully ran…at this stage, it’s unhelpful to track speeds, distances etc. once the habit has become imbed in daily life, then you can let your inner Olympian flourish the details.

Habits can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form, on average that’s 66 days until we can truly call something a daily habit, where our subconscious takes over, so don’t be hard on yourself if you fall off the habit train and need to get back on, failure is a wonderful attribute to improve future efforts.

What habit would you love to have with ease and flow? How do you think you can make it a priority? I will definitely come back at day 66 and let you know if my daily habit of morning meditations has stuck.

Kindness is my go to but fuck off is my wingman

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Quote Anon

In all honesty, gratitude is my go to and kindness is second in line. The wonderful thing about kindness is it often doesn’t financially cost anything, it usually requires a pinch of thought and a dusting of time…but the results often stay with the person you’re kind to forever.

People remember the kind things you did for them, how you made them feel, long after you did them, they often pay them back ten fold and your karma points to joy increase! So why aren’t more humans kind? As I’m not generally a fan of humanity, I think we need to look to dogs to solve this answer. Our dog will snuggle, guard you and clean up your crumbs whenever you’re in need however she is also easily distracted and I think this is the same as humans. We often don’t think to open doors, make gestures of kindness, or even take time to make magical moments happen because we are caught up with our own struggles, time limitations and world.

The quote also refers to boundaries, to saying no and stepping back – for me this is the best side to serve with a heap of kindness. Clear boundaries will allow you to walk away, to not be walked over and to sustain your kindness for another day. People that are kind but lack the words ‘no’ in their vocabulary often feel the burdens of others and an empathetic overload that makes them ill.

January weather in the UK is bleak, grey and often wet…SO I’m launching #kindnessmatters as a hashtag on my instagram stories through the month of January. You can follow along @fridgesays or if you aren’t a social media dweller you can create your own ‘kindness matters’ without…who cares how we show up as long as we do. What do you need to do? BE KIND

Yup that’s is, nothing more and nothing less. Take time each day to do something kind and remember it doesn’t have to cost the earth or be time consuming. This morning as we went out to the car we all ran to one of our neighbours bins that had blown over after collections and wheeled them back to their owners back gates. kindness matters. They don’t necessarily know that we did it but that’s not the essence of kindness, the centre for kindness is in the doing, so let’s make January a little less bleak by showing compassion to others…also don’t forget you can’t pour kindness from an empty cup, so being kind to yourself totally counts.

HABITS become TRADITIONS become LEGACY

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Quote Anon

December is certainly a time where traditions are falling out of Santa’s sleigh in abundance. Stepping into the New Year we often analyse our habits and try to improve them for the year to come, whether that be by exercising more, eating healthier or taking on a new challenge.

This all makes sense in a world where I often reflect on what I’ll leave behind. What will our legacy’s be? A positive mark on the world or consumed so much plastic it’s a long discarded tooth brush with DNA on it that will last the longest?

This December I learnt that traditions are only positive if they serve you and those around you. My family ditched the Christmas crackers many moons ago – we just don’t need the naff novelty toys, plastic and excessive paper across and already cramped table. I didn’t replace them with anything and rarely anyone comments.

With the controversial lockdown Christmas’s of 2020 we learnt that it was the people around the table that mattered. The food an added bonus. This was a lesson I hope remains long after the pandemic.

Last year our Turkey wasn’t fit for human consumption and the Boxing Day beef was brought in a day early…it was just as delicious and it caused my rebellious streak to build momentum. The result was that this year I really mixed up the menu – the result was meals from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day where everybody enjoyed what they consumed. Many favourites from the Mr’s love of Yorkshire puddings, to my sons delight of macaroni cheese played a part (not in the same meal I should add) and although we all had full plates and content bellies, little was left over and nothing was wasted, to the extent that my Mum took home the small Turkey carcass to make soup with. It also meant that I didn’t spend half of Christmas chained to the kitchen side board and had more quality time with those dearest to me. What did I learn? That traditions become shackles if they don’t serve you in this moment. If you don’t like Turkey, stop consuming it every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

I remember growing up and walking to school with a friend and our Mums closely nattering behind. In the run up to Christmas we would share the traditions of our homes; it always throws me that the same celebration has so many variations in each home. She would discuss how her and her brother would open their stocking and then wait until their Grandparents arrived to open presents in the afternoon, that boxing day food was a buffet of curry’s. I would share how Father Christmas went nowhere near our house and would deliver to the Garage at the end of our back garden, my Dad would bring down what he had left (even at a young age I was hyper-vigilant to child protection when it came to strangers) I would then blitz the unwrapping in seconds leaving a floor of discarded wrapping paper behind me like the Tasmanian Devil had popped around for a cuppa. Our Boxing Day was a buffet of ‘picky bits’ and when we shared these stories warmth from both our interpretations of Christmas were at the heart of each tradition.

What doesn’t serve is when everyone in the room dislikes the tradition but does it anyway…the wonderful thing about nurturing a family is building habits that become traditions, but that also have enough flexibility to alter before becoming legacies. As we step into 2023 you’re pretty darn perfect just as you are, you don’t need to do more or less of anything. However, the best habit, tradition and legacy you can leave with the world and into 2023 is to love those you surround yourself with. Remember, those that are hard to love, usually need love the most. Have a wonderful 2023

Comin’ with the bad bitch magic

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Full quote from Queen Herby lyrics are “Comin’ with the bad bitch magic, and they can’t stand it, when I put these hoes in a panic.”

December can often feel suffocating, the final weeks of school term devoured me with all its tinsel and emotional demands. However I have made it and can now see two weeks of work free life upon me, except adult life never stops – the Christmas prep has barely begun and the recent full moon has resulted in a broken kitchen tap, dead car battery and narrowly escaping a stag charging in my direction (a little closer than I’d of liked, side note; it was seriously awesome once I’d survived, placed my heart back inside my chest cavity and processed the event)…that said, our Christmas tree is looking extra glorious this year with a new fairy and seven hundred extra lights, despite our dogs hypocritical and despairing looks of judgement as we bought in a seven foot tree and don’t allow her to bring her sticks in the house…yes tiny phone people: December is a lot!

Therefore and because I refuse to be overwhelmed, I go to my tool kit of magic and joy to help me raise my vibration…I refuse to be taken down by my ever growing to do lists and cold winter evenings that seem to consume time and spit me out into my pjs earlier and earlier. So what’s a ‘bad bitch to do’ …below are some of my sparkliest ideas from my magical toolkit.

Self care matters: Obviously it always matters but if you are missing the warmer days of life then put the Christmas chocolate box down for a minute and listen up! *you can totally return to the chocolate box once you’ve finished reading

Up your vitamins…some of my favs include vitamin D (sun in a bottle), lions mane, echinacea and vitamin C

Listen and move to feel good music, podcasts, movies and pivot when things feel negative…we’ve got no time for a documentary on wars and tragedies right now…this diet of high energy creative vibes will feed your soul

Soup – honestly, it’s the best winter warmer and I think it makes my soul happier, I can’t stop making it?

Pinterest – I know what you’re thinking, this social app from 2009 is vintage BUT collating (for free!) beautiful pin boards of imagery that lights your fire is far more beneficial than watching thirty second clips of adults dancing and cats falling off high cupboards. I’m using the app to set intentions for 2023, to gather recipes (okay, mainly soup), to discover ideas of things I might make and to collate a wardrobe that sparks joy…oh, that reminds me

Wear all the colours of the rainbow – I used my clothes rail like a dressing up box. The lower I feel, the more I need a sparkly tiara, sparkly boots, sparkly cardigans – ALL the SPARKLES! However, you may be less glitter and more practical, whatever your vibe make sure you walk out of the front door feeling fabulous. You will likely inspire others, pick up compliments like acorns on an oak tree and feel beautiful.

Journal – grab a note book and write as if you’re Dickens, don’t worry if what you’re writing down is gibberish, negative or the same day after day, the main thing is you are allowing those thoughts to have there moment of glory, then you’re turning the page and moving on

Gratitude lists – I adore a list full of moments of joy, dig deep and you’ll be surprised at what you have to be grateful for even in the darkest corners of life

What’s in your sparkly tool box of joy, that raises your vibration and helps you through the tougher moments of life? Let me know in the comments below

It goes on

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Robert Frost

The entire quote is…”In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learnt about life, it goes on”

This week my view of the world has been sprinkled with death. I spoke to a friend who was preparing for her Dads funeral and after a lengthy conversation with many ups and downs we came to the conclusion that you can’t prepare for such an event. It’s one of those inevitable occasions you have to ‘get through’, balancing your needs and others from moment to moment.

I remember the periods in my life when death destroyed me and I felt like my heart had been pulled through my body, my stomach was too high, lungs collapsed and it took all my energy to grasp at the next breath. When I’d glimpse out of the window and wonder how the world was still ‘getting on with it’, people still laughing, going about their daily business when in that very moment my world had been turned upside down, obliterated, never to be the same…whilst I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel the despair I was in at that very moment it didn’t seem right that others continued? Perhaps that makes me selfish but it’s certainly how I felt.

In my darkest times, be that the loss of someone dear or illness / trauma, tea has honestly been my light. I realise that’s a cliche for British people but it’s true. When everything around me feels heavy, dark and too much, a warm cup to grasp, a sweet contradiction in taste to how I feel seems to give me a sparkle of happiness. It’s a minuscule moment but if you grab it with both hands (obviously putting your tea cup down somewhere safe first) it can open a crack to hope…

This glimmer of hope can lead to a small event, such as a shower and some clean clothes, in turn this can make you feel ‘better’ even if for a passing moment…collect these moments of hope, sparkles of happiness and pull them together and just as the quote suggests life goes on.

Life goes on, never the same, better for having known them, loved them and shared moments with them but it does go on. In fact when you once again find yourself in the light you realise that you are a more empathetic, connected and articulated person for having felt the weigh of their lose and also the blessings of ever having had them to love.

It goes on. Thank heavens

Keep some room in your head for the unimaginable

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Quote from Mary Oliver

It’s Sunday evening and my brain is full…make the packed lunches for tomorrow, pay the council tax, feed the dog, text that friend about that meal, try to relax…oh no, wait…put the washing away so tomorrow everyone can find the items they need to leave the house clothed, pop the dishwasher on. The more I collate a list in my head, the more I could add, that seems to be home family life goes? I’m not sure I would alter it, although I would add a few more pauses, deep breaths and if someone would like to volunteer to make the packed lunches I wouldn’t fight them.

In the mundane cycle of life, the daily chores need keeping in check, the to do list can at times be overwhelming and every now and then I try and make room for some magic.

This weekend after the routine sports activities, my son and I jumped in the car and headed to a local independent book store, as an author was appearing to read a couple of chapters of her latest book. I’d seen the event of Facebook earlier in the week and hadn’t really planned to attend. After perusing the shelves and adding to the Christmas list, my son found a cushion and for half an hour was entertained by (in his words) ‘a real life author’ in this case, someone who writes about monsters for a living…pretty cool. After the book event we wandered down the high street, browsed some stores, grabbed a snack and headed home. As I drove home, I realised thanks to the autumn breeze and the sun shining, it had been the kind of Saturday I thought Motherhood would be…except mostly it’s not.

Sometimes the best moments in life are the unexpected and the spontaneous . Every Saturday morning watching my son in his martial arts class is predictable, live Author readings are not. Perhaps we need to plan for a little of the unimaginable? Now, whilst the word ‘unimaginable’ might have you thinking about flying to space or deep sea diving…on Friday evening I hadn’t imagined the day ahead would go the way it had, so perhaps leaving a little space for potential joy is a positive step forward.

Being open to saying ‘yes’ helps the unimaginable to happen. You also need to step out of your routine and do something different, this I have to be honest isn’t my strong point. Years of teaching and working in a time tabled environment have meant I like a certain level of control and predictability…but the unimaginable can’t happen if you do what you always do, by definition of always doing it makes it imaginable.

In my mind I’m certainly making space for unimaginable events to happen, in the privacy of my brain I’m constantly twirling and travelling to new places, thinking what the foods would smell like and recognising the glitter behind the unknown…stretching my thoughts to the unimaginable is the only way I can get through the mundane moments in life. So this week make sometime to think big, to dare to dream and to wonder how…who knows where it might take you by next weekend?

Privacy is power

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote adapted.

The full quote is ‘privacy is power. People can’t ruin what they don’t know about’ however, sometimes people can ruin things because you haven’t told them, perhaps there is a fine line between confidentiality and telling all?

Recently, the media reported moment by moment as the Queen lay in state. At times members of the royal family have been filmed during vigils and if I’m honest I’ve found it unappealing and tradition that perhaps has run its course. Celebrities have been spotted in the queue (to see the Queens coffin and to send their condolences) and have had cameras pushed in their faces, again a little distasteful in my opinion.

Living in the UK it’s a British quality and expectation to reply to questions around your wellbeing with ‘I’m fine thanks’ – clearly we aren’t all fine all of the time, but again I think the level of knowledge you share with others should be based on the relationship you have with them, whilst my partner and close family will tell you I over share, I’d like to think Ricky in my local newsagents only knows I’m fine and have a taste for Madagascan dark chocolate.

I believe that privacy is powerful in age where oversharing on a global scale (social media) has become the norm. It’s a precious gift and it often transpires that those who do over share are doing it for tangible gains; attention, sympathy or intrigue. I’m so very grateful that I grew up in an age before uploads, screen shots and even mobile phones were a thing. As I grow more and more comfortable in who I am, my purpose and the people I care for, privacy is worth it’s wait in gold. It gave me security, freedom and peace of mind…priceless.

That said, often people can keep emotional turmoil deep inside them and this can result in mental illness that can also manifest in physical debilitation.

So what can we do? To share or not to share seems to be more complex than it appears? The answer in my opinion is balance. Keep your biggest dreams and desires to yourself – work on you for you. Allow a handful of close and trusted loved ones in, share the deeper and more complex moments with them; these people (I refer to them as my tribe) can be friends or family – you get to pick, often they span various moments in your life and are clear ‘keepers’ – laugh hard with them, cry when necessary and be there for each other, check in and also share gratitude in all you have. As for the rest of the world, tell them you are fine. Walk away from people who are asking how you are for their own gain, did I mention how I’m doing?

Im fine, thanks for asking.

Heal even if they never apologised

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Quote from Lousy Drawings

As someone who observes humans as part of my job it’s clear that we are a heavily flawed species. We are often unpredictable, hot tempered and forgetful – this combination plus the millions of other emotions makes for a humanity soup that can be both sweet and sour. I should add, it’s also why I adore observing – you never know what may unfold.

If we gave emotions objects I think happiness would be hundreds and thousands, we throw them around like confetti and perhaps every day would look like a wedding photograph. Except, when we hurt each other (mentally or physically) imagine we exchanged bricks. Then we’d struggle to enjoy the confetti because we were holding on to bricks. In this metaphor they would literally weigh you down, in life that is also the case emotionally. Unhealed trauma and upset becomes a burden the victim carries – the words victims in this sentence is crucial; notice is often isn’t the perpetrator that holds on to the brick.

Take this scenario and crazy metaphors as a truth for a second. A friend is about to pick you up and take you out for lunch. You’re excited for these plans and have moved other things to make these lunch plans happen. You’re dressed up ready to go and have filled your pockets with confetti when you hear a knock at the door, you open the door but can’t see your friend, instead there is a brick on your doorstep. On the brick is a label that says ‘Sorry, something came up – speak soon’ …at this point you can decide to leave the brick to one side appreciating that there is more to this story, or you can hold the brick close. Perhaps this friend has done this many times before and you feel hurt and abandoned…you now own a brick. Every time other people mention this friend, or your partner asks how lunch went you pick up this brick.

Surely most of you reading this are now thinking ‘put the brick down and forgive the friend’…the problem is that not all unhealed trauma is a choice to pick up, sometimes the bricks are trust upon us in childhood, addiction breeze blocks form – walls are built up over time and for many readers you may be reflecting that you could open a builders merchants with your metaphorical bricks.

I had a similar brick issue in my twenties. In my experience the friend apologised for the bricks she had given me. However, I was too tired from carrying the bricks, hurt and not ready to hear the apology. I threw a few bricks back but ultimately I still have a good sized lump of concrete with her name on it. Letting it go is sometimes extremely easy to say and unbelievably difficult to do.

Healing from minor or complex trauma is challenging, that’s why so many continue to build walls out of them through life. However, only you can decide what to do with your unhealed issues. Only you can release yourself from the burden. I’m not always sure an apology can solve the issue?

The relationship you have with your self is the most important of all. This week take sometime to prioritise how you deal with events as they unfold, can you look at it through a confetti landscape or are you collecting bricks likes Hadrians Wall. Others can support you to heal but only you can let go of the issue.

Every thing can kill you so choose something fun

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Quote Anon

This quote made me chuckle…mainly as it’s true. People die in unknown circumstances; taking selfies on cliff edges, vending machines falling on top of them…or medical conditions that often the patient feels came from know where, they just didn’t see coming.

In terms of our planets existence we each visit for such a small amount of time, a glint in the eyes of the universe…do you really want to spend that time paying bills?

Honestly, the answer is no but then I realise the need to feed and shelter my family and now I’m like a child at a wedding told ‘not to get dirty’ but really excited to see how deep the muddy puddle is at the end of the drive way. Whilst I’d like to retire my vacuum cleaner, launch my lanyard at my boss as I ride into the sunset on horse back (well the quote did say fun)…the reality is I do need an income and I do find comfort in the mundane. Early this week I spent an hour of my life with my son organising his wardrobe and whilst this may not be your or even my definition of ‘fun’ it was satisfying and anyone wishing to admire said cupboard should come and visit in the next few days before my Marie Kondo effect becomes obliterated by the child effect once more…

Whilst working towards a career that is ‘fun’ – shout out to a school friend kayaking down a Vietnam river in the name of ‘work’ is probably a great move forward, I realise that that option may not be open to everyone and that even those that are blessed to love our work still have to tackle administrative tasks that make us pull our eye sockets out. This is the contrast of life, the yin and the yang, the river and the eye balls.

So where am I going with this post? Much like the river in Vietnam, I believe that we shouldn’t ‘live for the weekends’ or dream of retirement slowly wishing our lives into the final chapters, nor do I think we should put off those ‘I wish I could moments’…(another shout out to the friend who’s taking a three month sabbatical to travel with his family) instead, we should throw ourselves into the bends of the river, when calm we should take time to be still and reflect and of course should a rapid appear we shouldn’t shy away from it. Fear and fun are often closely linked.

Fun can be found in cleaning cupboards, don’t believe me – check out my smile when I open my cutlery draw effortlessly. Fun (for me) can be found in my paddle boarding or in seeing my child learn a new skill. Don’t let the river of life pass you by, don’t focus on getting to the end that you miss the scenery, take the detours and spend time working out how you can bring your dreams a little closer to where you dock your vessel, because everything can kill you so you might as well enjoy the time you have now.