reflection

Cheeseburgers make everything better

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Fridgesays

I feel like before I write this blog I should pay tribute to my British heritage and mention that a cup of tea can solve most problems…but if you are looking to enrich your life, I’d recommend a cheeseburger.

This is the tale of solace and not about burgers at all, so if you are a vegan keep reading and perhaps you’ll find your own alternative. As a household we eat well, I make most of our food from scratch, we aren’t huge snackers and we eat limited quantities of processed food, when creating dinners I am conscious to remove additives that are unnecessary and go to lengths to ensure we eat as many whole foods as possible.

Then there are cheeseburgers.

After the death of my daughter, I had existed on hospital food for far too long. It was just after 5pm when we left the hospital and we (myself and my partner) were driving home feeling everything and nothing. There are moments in life when you can’t explain how you are feeling, simply because the devastation you are holding is beyond human vocabulary. On the way home we drove through the Golden Arches and purchased a meal each. For as long as I can remember I’ve always ordered a double cheeseburger. But that cheeseburger hit a whole new level of nostalgia and taste sensation. Of course, it was a highly processed, low nutrient and a toxic standard product…I imagine it was all of these things that my empty shell needed in that moment. Many women after giving birth recall the white toast and butter served by the NHS the greatest food they’ve ever had. I’m not sure it has any gourmet greatness, it’s just an exhausted woman will find joy in sugar, fats and carbs.

That burger was sixteen years a go and grief process is still one that I’m learning to live alongside…with the help of a cheeseburger.

This is a photo of me in the drive through yesterday.

When the world becomes too much and my adult life is forced into overwhelmed I take myself for a secret cheeseburger.

Yesterday was no different. The Mr had gone out for a dog walk and my son was in his room playing…I knew it was a burger moment, so I called out that I was popping out. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and I didn’t purchase food for anyone else. Just a single burger (in my case a double cheeseburger), I drove to the arches, ordered via the drive through, ate my burger on the journey home and carried on my day like nothing had happened.

What’s actually occurring on that fifteen minute expedition is solace. I’m giving myself a small gap in my busy world to serve myself. To reconnect with grief and say ‘I see you, I feel you’ and I honour it with a good taste…a cheers to the universe if you like. I don’t need to talk, I do need to be alone and I do need to not serve anyone else. If I had my burger but also got things for everyone at home that wouldn’t serve its purpose, as a working parent all I do is juggle the running home/ work balance and it involves meal planing and pouring nutrients into my ever growing family…as you can see from the photo I’m not emotional, although wet tear filled cheeseburgers have been consumed in the past. What it’s about is prioritising myself. Being alone and not worrying about upsetting anyone else. Catching up with what I need and it’s often not about the burger at all, it’s about being with me, feeling what I need to feel and moving on.

Cheeseburger expeditions can be once or many times a year and never at a particular anniversary- they are always random at random times of day or night – grief never invites itself, it engulfs you during the most mundane tasks. I’ve never explained myself or felt the need to share the experience. It’s just a moment, a fifteen minute pause on life’s ever to do list, but often enough to allow me to return to my family content and rebalance.

Hugs are great and the company of my loved ones is always a welcome addition, even a good cry can be hugely beneficial for the soul, but sometimes (for me anyway) a cheeseburger can get me back on track. cheeseburgers make everything better, like a plaster on a cut knee.

*administer burgers at your own discretion

I decide my vibe

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Today I am sat on the sofa and I’m doing less than nothing. The dog is snuggled up on me and it would be disrespectful to move and disrupt her. I’m not watching TV, I’m not reading and I’m sitting in silence. Today ‘not a lot’ is my vibe.

It would be natural of me to compensate now by telling you about my hectic morning or my plans for tomorrow or even how exhausting yesterday was… but that would defeat today’s post.

Everyday we get to decide our vibe and to a large extent who we surround ourselves by. We get to be choose what we wear (give or take a work uniform) and how much energy we put into things.

Last week my son came off the Rugby pitch frustrated by how he had played, when he went on today I reminded him that the past version of him was disappointed and that the present him would decide how future him would feel. He came off at the end of the game (the team won) and said past him would be pleased. He couldn’t control the other players, the weather (it rained), but he could set the vibe for himself.

I treat my wardrobe as a costume box and dopamine dress for how I need or want to feel. Sometimes that includes bright prints and textured fabrics and sometimes it’s a black one piece that allows me to disappear. I set the vibe and use clothes to help me, currently opting for comfy clothes to do very little in.

We don’t realise it but we set the vibe, not just by clothes or attitudes but also with the foods we digest and the people we allow ourselves to be close to, in fact I believe that every choice we make takes or gives to the person we are, thus our worlds could ever be changing, or we continue to pick the same things to wear, eat and do and life is stagnant. The great thing is none of us are one dimensional beings, we can change and our vibes can alter. Later today I may be productive, later I may move from the sofa and create a list to help me start the week focused and tuned in to achieving my best…for now, I’m staying here. The vibe is quiet, still and needed. Without reflection life can run away with us and somehow in a busy world there is something seriously luxurious about doing nothing.

You are accountable for your decisions, choices and actions…or in my case, lack of action…set the vibe and enjoy what it has to offer, if it doesn’t please you then change the vibe.

You could be anyone if you put in the time

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Connor McGregor

Time – the post precious gift we are all guilty of wasting. When I read this quote I instantly thought about several aspects of my own life that I don’t give enough time to, or would like to give more to. I wonder if it’s the same for you?

As we approach the new year you can put your time into huge life changing resolutions, and if you have a plan to pursue your dreams and desires I urge you to throw caution to the wind and go for it…in fact, stop reading this blog post and go and do it now. If however the person you’d like to be is a little healthier, takes on a new habit, develops a new skill then time can be your best friend.

This year I have given time to meditate and to yoga daily. Meditation is now embedded into my daily routine and is non negotiable but yoga is something I want to excel in 2024. I know that I’ve made a huge leap in my daily practise this year, but I am also aware I can do longer sessions and advance is several positions. Yoga is something I will give more time to.

There are many things I’ll do to achieve this, from writing down what the positions are that I’d like to work on, to going to a variety of classes, to making daily practice nonnegotiable. However, none of these are possible without me making time to do this and more importantly prioritising time when there is little to spare.

As we step into the last chapter of this year, who do you want to be? Where do you want to spend your time and perhaps just as important to reflect on, where can you save time? Giving yourself and those around you the gift of your presence is something you can’t buy for from a store, once it’s gone it can’t be replaced. Spend it wisely…

Beauty starts in your head not in the mirror

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from Regina Daniels

Growing up around many different kind of women and then blossoming into one myself, I’ve learnt many things about beauty.

Firstly, I noticed that the women in my life that didn’t love their body shapes didn’t look in mirrors. At least, not large full length creations. Instead small and practical mirrors were used ‘when necessary’ and for practical purposes.

Another woman taught me that beauty was something to aim for, but because it was aspirational but that if you had time to worry about appearances, blemishes and colour combinations then you probably didn’t have many worries in your life.

If I combine these two thoughts alone, then I think that this quote might be slightly off track. I believe that beauty doesn’t start in the mirror and nor does it start in the head. In my heart is where I store my compassion, love and respect. These are needed as a foundation when glaring at self. What you see isn’t always how you perceive your reflection to be and it may tell as different story to the one in your head. Scars can tell magnificent stories of triumph and bravery but they can also bring sadness, despair and shame. Of course to alter the story and be comfortable in your reflection you need to rewire your brain to reframe the memory and this can take time.

Beauty isn’t usually as superficial as the world might let us believe, we often find beauty in unique traits, the small details and the imperfections of others. We often struggle internally to give ourself the same compassion.

When I was 13 years old I was at a party and a boy told me that I couldn’t dance as well as my friend. Instantly I felt scorned, judged and ugly, my instant reaction was to hide. However, I come from a loving home and was raised on a pedestal. I have always psycho analysed behaviour traits in myself and others since forever. I allowed the boy to ruin the party for me, I did stop dancing and I went home early. At home I thought about the minute details of the dancing I had done and what I need to do to improve, then it occurred to me…who the fuck does he think he is? How dare a boy who I barely knew feel he could judge me? By this time, I was fuming and angry that I’d allowed someone I had never invested in, ruin my evening. I don’t believe in holding on to negative energy, I never have and so at school on Monday I approached the boy in my English class (he sat directly in front of me) at the end of the lesson and I asked him if he had enjoyed the party and importantly if he was ok? Confused, he stated that the party was ‘ok’ and that he was fine. I reminded him of the comment he had made to me and that I thought it was odd he had commented, as we weren’t friends and I didn’t realise he was a dance teacher, I ended the rant (to which the boy just stared at me) by thanking him for having my best intentions but that as I was already attending dance classes I wouldn’t require his input in future.

My appearance is nobody else’s concern (unless I’ve once again forgot to put a coat on, then even middle aged I may still need my Mum to remind me), how I dance is nobody else’s concern, I can decide to absorb other peoples views of me, or simply thank them for their time and move on. When I look in the mirror I can choose to view myself with love or criticism. What do you choose?