positivevibes

The world keeps spinning

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Lyrics from a band called Theory

When I think of the universe and the concept of infinity my mind instantly self destructs. It’s inconceivable to my mortal brain. The idea that 7billion people, plants and the animal world, not to mention the seas and the earth are just on one spinning rock? Somehow perfectly balanced with sun and moon as protective parents, keeping us warm and tucking the tides in, only for earth to push the covers off moments later. You can’t help to feel awe and wonder, that is unless you reflect on the toxicity and destruction the 7 billion people and their ancestors created, then suddenly the world can feel claustrophobic and confusing.

Under the blankets of the cosmos, tucked under earths atmosphere and in a little place I like to call ‘my world’ is me. It’s made up of my perceptions, thoughts, feelings and truths – all of which are far from that but they are at least my own. The choice I make daily are to look for sparkles of joy, to reach for awe and to believe that kindness matters. Often, much like the Earth I contaminate my own world with thoughts that exude fear and worries that niggle in the cracks.

When I was around fifteen years old I remember my English teacher introducing our class to the poem ‘stop all the clocks’ , not only did it resonate with me, much like the world spinning it blew my teenage brain that death had a finality to it…a few years later death knocked on my families door and exposed me to the emotional rollercoaster known as grief. I remember thinking, much like the verses of the poem that it was insane that my Grandad wasn’t here anymore, that whilst our family was organising a funeral, wading through this home and boxing things up destined for new adventures…that other people would go on to live in his house? A new family would knock at the door to visit and another family would nurture his garden, I also knew that the house would never have as sweet bowl a superior as my Grandads sweet tooth.

I remember waiting outside his home for the hearse to arrive, as I looked across the road other people were going about there business, off to work, kids off to school…why hasn’t the clocks stopped? Why hadn’t time stood still? Why is my family hurting and how could the universe still expand, the earth still spin?

This is the paragraph I should give a deep and profound answer to those questions. Alas, I don’t have them. What I do know is all the time I have on this spinning sphere, which in the grand scheme of its existence isn’t much…I can’t let the negativity weigh me down. Instead, I’m going to float and twirl, Im going to keep getting up and I’m going to experience moments where I wish the clocks would stop…but after a deep breath, I’ll recalibrate and keep looking for the joy amongst the cracks, I’ll keep the faith that tomorrow will be better and the world will keep on spinning. If I’m honest I’ll also have the hope that tomorrows spin will be better that today.

Trauma is about what did not happen

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Insecurities, broken trust, tragic events, sudden changes in circumstances, life changes and unexpected happenings are all part of life’s darker side of life. Some make us stronger, many leave scars and without us knowing pivot us to pathways anew.

As a behaviour adviser with little people from four years old to sixteen, ACEs (Adverse childhood experiences) are common place across classrooms. They often manifest as difficult or dangerous behaviour. Extroverts scream, punch and kick out for support and a need to be soothed. Whilst introverts often wear masks that don’t reveal how they are feeling, burying emotions deep and silencing needs and desires. Either reaction usually has toxic results.

In child protection meetings, of which I attend too often, the focus is on legislation and protective actions…again, these often result in further trauma for the child or exacerbate the situation before any soothing and healing can occur. Why? The focus is on the trauma. What happened, who failed to protect their child, what professional did or didn’t do, capturing the child’s voice (gathering the child’s thoughts and feelings on the trauma and life), the focus is always on the trauma.

Traumas are hard to define as something that I may find traumatic to experience, you may think was irrelevant. Children in split parent situations can have 2 loving parents and go contently from one family to another, however if the rules at Daddies are completely different to Mummies and we add on school expectations and standards, the child can become insecure, experience attachment issues and generally be confused about how to behave. A sibling of that same child, may find the transitions effortless and enjoy the variety of experiences. Often as parents we may feel that ‘trauma’ is that Mummy and Daddy separated; surprisingly children are often adaptable to these alternations with a little time, the trauma described above isn’t about home being separated or parents splitting…it’s about a consistent approach to parenting.

Through social media, often people feel the need to list or label traumas they have experienced. Whilst that can be a great first step in moving forward, we often need to look at what that traumatic experience taught us; what we lacked or received too much of. A helicopter parent often doesn’t allow a child to independently think – as an adult that person may need to overcome their trauma by making independent choices and growing in confidence with their decision process…

Often this quote is correct, the event felt traumatic because of what didn’t happen. The best way we can overcome future traumas is to listen to what we need now. If you’ve burnt the candle at both ends, make time for rest. If your life style is too static – it’s time to move your body. The hardest part of this process to live a positive life style is to remember to check in on yourself, journaling and a meditation practise can often add pause buttons to daily life.

So what do you need? Serve yourself first, fill your cup up and you’ll have capacity to help those around you. Turn you rainy days into rainbows, it doesn’t stop the rain but it doesn’t improve the view.

Fortune favours the bold

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from a Latin proverb

On the eve of my sons tenth birthday he asked me at the dinning room table if ‘for his birthday’ he could put his favourite quote on our fridge… internally my mothers pride and quote goddess did backflips, externally the wise mother checked what quote he wanted. *if you’ve ever spent any time with a ten year old boy you’ll know that anything is possible and not necessarily appropriate. He said he’d like his favourite proverb, internally again, I was ecstatic that he knew the word ‘proverb’, and delivered the optimistic and courageous words found in the title.

How could I say no? That night while he slept and his Dad and I did last minute banner hanging and gift wrapping I took down the previous quote and went with his.

Parenting a double digit child I’m certainly needing this quote daily, he seems to have found a new level of freedom and independence that wasn’t present when he was nine. My mothering instinct wants to bubble wrap him from the world and keep him safe with me, but I also see ‘fortune’ when he returns with a new independent smile – he has achieved something all on his own.

It began with taking his bike out alone, a little further each day, it expanded when he announced he was meeting his Grandparents at the local cafe for breakfast. He explained the table was booked for 9:30am so he would leave at ten past, park his bike in his Nans garage and that would give them plenty of time to walk to the cafe…sure enough at around 9:08am he said ‘right, shoes on – I’m off, catch you later’ …what happened to me making the plans with his Nanny? Instead, I swallowed my own insecurities and reminded his to look both ways.

When he returned he’d bought me a cake and I couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of our little dude (and always grateful for cake and thoughtful gestures)

Next he wanted to go to the supermarket to purchase some items so he could make lunch. I asked what we needed to buy, but he insisted it was all a surprise…he wanted to make lunch with us all on his own – from shop to plate.

He has been ten for nearly a month now and I’m feeling braver as he is bold, the fortune is all mine as I watch him grow into his own person, the gift of parenting is certainly from a distance of late and I dare say that distance will grow during the teenage years – something nobody warns you when your pregnant. The first steps, words and trying new foods soon becomes the lasts, in fact I’m not sure when I was last able to pick him up and carry him? He is working on picking me up now.

Be bold but take care and caution my mighty ten.

A memory is a star or a stain

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote by d.j

When you started to read this blog, even though it was a few words a go…it’s now in the past. Every microsecond a little drop in the ocean of your life. We can’t remember all the individual droplets and we often romanticise the past, interpret to meet our current thoughts and feelings and in doing so change the horizons perspective. Constantly in motion, life is very much passing us by.

Don’t panic. We aren’t meant to be present in every moment, some days I’m grateful not to remember some aspects. I do however believe we are often our happiest when we are ‘in the moment’ not thinking ahead to what to plan for dinner, what needs doing later, feeling guilty for chores we should have already done.

Wherever you are in life, whether you have a sea of wisdom behind you or a puddle of doubt, it can be useful to reflect on if that’s how you want your life to look…are you a storm of chaotic tides, holding your last breathe before you’ll be swept to the next wave of drama or a calm lake that’s so serene it’s dull?

To carve a life worth living I often think you need a little of both, the stains of life teach us incredible lessons and can also easily be removed bleached by the sun. Light gives new perspectives just as stars have guided seamen home from long travels.

Stars, the brighter moments of life that can give us wonder, joy and direction can often start or become stains. Marriages that have gone sour, life that has become death, the ‘perfect’ job that consumes your soul.

Where am I going? Don’t sweat the stains, they can be softened with age, memories blurred or abandoned. My sons stained T-shirts covered with memories of spaghetti bolognaise can often disappear with a sunny day. The stains make us and the stars take our breath away. Both have a place to make for a wonderful life.

Never let your storm get your kids wet

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Quote Anon

When I was little my Mum took me and my friend to school in snow on a sledge. She heaved us through the streets on a few inches of flakes. It was joyful (well for my friend and I), when I was older my Mum and I went to a huge market. I drove her in my brand new two seater convertible. Once we’d walked around the stalls we decided to head back towards the car park – the heavens opened and if I say it rained I would be underestimating your understanding of rain, it was more like walking through a giant wave. We laughed because it actually hurt as the rain fell from the sky, we couldn’t believe we’d got caught and giggled all of the way home, grateful for heated leather seats and every time we glimpsed each others sodden exterior we erupted in laughter again.

That by the way was a metaphor, one that unpicks this quote. It resonated with me because this week I have come across too many children exposed to adult topics of conversation and worry. No matter what your circumstances the storms of life that bring you down don’t need to be shared with little ears, processing these can often lead to trauma responses for them as they take on adult emotions. If you are carrying something heavy, you can either work towards putting it down or carry it away from your child.

Finance or lack of and rising living costs in my opinion aren’t concerns for children. Exposing children to adult addiction’s often mean the children grow up within the shadows of these circumstances. That said I’m not sure we should paint adult life as sunshine and lollipops, we can sometimes laugh in unfortunate times, we can take the positive from a negative situation and we can role model self respect, resilience and endurance when storms approach. This has to happen at an age appropriate time, exposing the child to witness elements of storms from a distance before the rain hammers down on your doorstep, or putting in place boundaries around relationships and potential hazards.

Varying weather conditions are expected in the UK. Temperatures can dip overnight and summertime can sometimes mean taking a coat when you leave the house. Wrap your children up close and don’t expose them to unnecessary burdens. If I had a coat and my son didn’t, I would instinctively give it to him. Do the same with your words.

Kindness is my go to but fuck off is my wingman

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

In all honesty, gratitude is my go to and kindness is second in line. The wonderful thing about kindness is it often doesn’t financially cost anything, it usually requires a pinch of thought and a dusting of time…but the results often stay with the person you’re kind to forever.

People remember the kind things you did for them, how you made them feel, long after you did them, they often pay them back ten fold and your karma points to joy increase! So why aren’t more humans kind? As I’m not generally a fan of humanity, I think we need to look to dogs to solve this answer. Our dog will snuggle, guard you and clean up your crumbs whenever you’re in need however she is also easily distracted and I think this is the same as humans. We often don’t think to open doors, make gestures of kindness, or even take time to make magical moments happen because we are caught up with our own struggles, time limitations and world.

The quote also refers to boundaries, to saying no and stepping back – for me this is the best side to serve with a heap of kindness. Clear boundaries will allow you to walk away, to not be walked over and to sustain your kindness for another day. People that are kind but lack the words ‘no’ in their vocabulary often feel the burdens of others and an empathetic overload that makes them ill.

January weather in the UK is bleak, grey and often wet…SO I’m launching #kindnessmatters as a hashtag on my instagram stories through the month of January. You can follow along @fridgesays or if you aren’t a social media dweller you can create your own ‘kindness matters’ without…who cares how we show up as long as we do. What do you need to do? BE KIND

Yup that’s is, nothing more and nothing less. Take time each day to do something kind and remember it doesn’t have to cost the earth or be time consuming. This morning as we went out to the car we all ran to one of our neighbours bins that had blown over after collections and wheeled them back to their owners back gates. kindness matters. They don’t necessarily know that we did it but that’s not the essence of kindness, the centre for kindness is in the doing, so let’s make January a little less bleak by showing compassion to others…also don’t forget you can’t pour kindness from an empty cup, so being kind to yourself totally counts.

HABITS become TRADITIONS become LEGACY

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

December is certainly a time where traditions are falling out of Santa’s sleigh in abundance. Stepping into the New Year we often analyse our habits and try to improve them for the year to come, whether that be by exercising more, eating healthier or taking on a new challenge.

This all makes sense in a world where I often reflect on what I’ll leave behind. What will our legacy’s be? A positive mark on the world or consumed so much plastic it’s a long discarded tooth brush with DNA on it that will last the longest?

This December I learnt that traditions are only positive if they serve you and those around you. My family ditched the Christmas crackers many moons ago – we just don’t need the naff novelty toys, plastic and excessive paper across and already cramped table. I didn’t replace them with anything and rarely anyone comments.

With the controversial lockdown Christmas’s of 2020 we learnt that it was the people around the table that mattered. The food an added bonus. This was a lesson I hope remains long after the pandemic.

Last year our Turkey wasn’t fit for human consumption and the Boxing Day beef was brought in a day early…it was just as delicious and it caused my rebellious streak to build momentum. The result was that this year I really mixed up the menu – the result was meals from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day where everybody enjoyed what they consumed. Many favourites from the Mr’s love of Yorkshire puddings, to my sons delight of macaroni cheese played a part (not in the same meal I should add) and although we all had full plates and content bellies, little was left over and nothing was wasted, to the extent that my Mum took home the small Turkey carcass to make soup with. It also meant that I didn’t spend half of Christmas chained to the kitchen side board and had more quality time with those dearest to me. What did I learn? That traditions become shackles if they don’t serve you in this moment. If you don’t like Turkey, stop consuming it every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

I remember growing up and walking to school with a friend and our Mums closely nattering behind. In the run up to Christmas we would share the traditions of our homes; it always throws me that the same celebration has so many variations in each home. She would discuss how her and her brother would open their stocking and then wait until their Grandparents arrived to open presents in the afternoon, that boxing day food was a buffet of curry’s. I would share how Father Christmas went nowhere near our house and would deliver to the Garage at the end of our back garden, my Dad would bring down what he had left (even at a young age I was hyper-vigilant to child protection when it came to strangers) I would then blitz the unwrapping in seconds leaving a floor of discarded wrapping paper behind me like the Tasmanian Devil had popped around for a cuppa. Our Boxing Day was a buffet of ‘picky bits’ and when we shared these stories warmth from both our interpretations of Christmas were at the heart of each tradition.

What doesn’t serve is when everyone in the room dislikes the tradition but does it anyway…the wonderful thing about nurturing a family is building habits that become traditions, but that also have enough flexibility to alter before becoming legacies. As we step into 2023 you’re pretty darn perfect just as you are, you don’t need to do more or less of anything. However, the best habit, tradition and legacy you can leave with the world and into 2023 is to love those you surround yourself with. Remember, those that are hard to love, usually need love the most. Have a wonderful 2023

Comin’ with the bad bitch magic

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Full quote from Queen Herby lyrics are “Comin’ with the bad bitch magic, and they can’t stand it, when I put these hoes in a panic.”

December can often feel suffocating, the final weeks of school term devoured me with all its tinsel and emotional demands. However I have made it and can now see two weeks of work free life upon me, except adult life never stops – the Christmas prep has barely begun and the recent full moon has resulted in a broken kitchen tap, dead car battery and narrowly escaping a stag charging in my direction (a little closer than I’d of liked, side note; it was seriously awesome once I’d survived, placed my heart back inside my chest cavity and processed the event)…that said, our Christmas tree is looking extra glorious this year with a new fairy and seven hundred extra lights, despite our dogs hypocritical and despairing looks of judgement as we bought in a seven foot tree and don’t allow her to bring her sticks in the house…yes tiny phone people: December is a lot!

Therefore and because I refuse to be overwhelmed, I go to my tool kit of magic and joy to help me raise my vibration…I refuse to be taken down by my ever growing to do lists and cold winter evenings that seem to consume time and spit me out into my pjs earlier and earlier. So what’s a ‘bad bitch to do’ …below are some of my sparkliest ideas from my magical toolkit.

Self care matters: Obviously it always matters but if you are missing the warmer days of life then put the Christmas chocolate box down for a minute and listen up! *you can totally return to the chocolate box once you’ve finished reading

Up your vitamins…some of my favs include vitamin D (sun in a bottle), lions mane, echinacea and vitamin C

Listen and move to feel good music, podcasts, movies and pivot when things feel negative…we’ve got no time for a documentary on wars and tragedies right now…this diet of high energy creative vibes will feed your soul

Soup – honestly, it’s the best winter warmer and I think it makes my soul happier, I can’t stop making it?

Pinterest – I know what you’re thinking, this social app from 2009 is vintage BUT collating (for free!) beautiful pin boards of imagery that lights your fire is far more beneficial than watching thirty second clips of adults dancing and cats falling off high cupboards. I’m using the app to set intentions for 2023, to gather recipes (okay, mainly soup), to discover ideas of things I might make and to collate a wardrobe that sparks joy…oh, that reminds me

Wear all the colours of the rainbow – I used my clothes rail like a dressing up box. The lower I feel, the more I need a sparkly tiara, sparkly boots, sparkly cardigans – ALL the SPARKLES! However, you may be less glitter and more practical, whatever your vibe make sure you walk out of the front door feeling fabulous. You will likely inspire others, pick up compliments like acorns on an oak tree and feel beautiful.

Journal – grab a note book and write as if you’re Dickens, don’t worry if what you’re writing down is gibberish, negative or the same day after day, the main thing is you are allowing those thoughts to have there moment of glory, then you’re turning the page and moving on

Gratitude lists – I adore a list full of moments of joy, dig deep and you’ll be surprised at what you have to be grateful for even in the darkest corners of life

What’s in your sparkly tool box of joy, that raises your vibration and helps you through the tougher moments of life? Let me know in the comments below

A pocket full of happiness

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

This week I wanted to share a wonderful experience where one moment of joy led to a string of fairy light happiness. After all, the world needs more joy.

On Tuesday the weather in the UK was surprisingly sunny for an Autumnal day. I was at work, driving around the south coast from appointment to appointment and listening to my podcasts. I had a gap in between appointments of about half an hour and was thinking about pulling up by the beach for a quick walk – a moment of joy in a long day of back to back appointments. However, in all honesty I was also thinking that I’d park up at my next school and grab half an hour of email and admin time.

In the car I was listening to Richard E Grant discuss he’s new book ‘a pocket full of happiness’ on Fern Cottons ‘happy place’ podcast, the title he explained came from his late wife, who in her last days on earth had asked him and their daughter to find a pocket full of happiness in each day amongst the grief…my dilemma was over. I was heading to the beach.

I grabbed my coat and headed to the sea, the tide was out and it was such a beautiful day (see for yourself)

I made time to briefly call a mindful friend and shared my positive choice. Inspired, she was going to the beach for a swim later that day.

I know that being present is crucial to fully immersing yourself in the moment, so I placed my phone in my coat pocket and found a dry sandy spot to soak up the experience. Choosing self care, joy or time for yourself is often difficult but the process instantly rewards, what I hadn’t realised was how my choices effect others, that was until a lady called over.

The area of the beach I was on wasn’t busy so when I saw the lady walking towards me I smiled. She was clearly emotional and I thought perhaps she was going to ask if I had a tissue. As she approached she repeated the word ‘thank you’, perplexed I replied ‘sorry?’ in a polite haze that I’d clearly missed something. She then explained that her mother had recently passed away and that she wasn’t having a good day, she had attempted to go for a walk to find her endorphins from the tide but in fact the beautiful day had somehow made her feel sadder. She said that she was just about to go home when (in her head) she had asked her mother for a sign, a sign to let her know she would be ok…it was then that she looked to the edge of the beach and saw me standing there. The coat that I mentioned I had placed my phone in is a military cargo print, on the back are a huge set of angel wings. I smiled and simply replied “You’re most welcome, enjoy the rest of your day”…the lady continued walking, beaming from ear to ear and all I could imagine was how awful it would have been if I had chosen the email option over the beach.

I don’t think it matters what you personally take from this story, perhaps a smile or the impulse to find more joy in the day for yourself, a reflection of spiritual intervention or a serendipitous moment. I wanted to share the joy in hope that it might continue the string of fairy light happiness. Enjoy 🙂

Dream until it’s your reality

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

When I was younger I thought dreams were made of candy floss clouds, I thought happily ever after was the name of the game…but I also thought roundabouts worked because people were kind and I knew nothing of the high way code. Perspectives change, knowledge alters and yet we still dream.

I’ve had many dreams that have become realities; I dreamt of owning a home, of creating a family, I dreamt of taking my child to certain places, experiences etc. I’m also aware that many people wish they had a blog, the difference I guess is often action, luck and a dash of staying power? Some of my dreams have occurred through my direct actions, others because I was in the right place at the right time, some because I simply gave something ago.

I just walked the dog and spoke to a lady who has just moved into a house across the road, they are currently ripping it apart and starting from scratch – DIY is my idea of hell. Yet she was in her element, her current joy I discovered, had led her to several houses over the years that had led to this current property – her soon to be dream home, in her dream location. Again, from this I took that dreams are personal to the individual, she was truly enjoying the process, where I prefer a more ‘bibidibobidi boo’ approach to house transformations, so if you see a DIY fairy godmother in the area, let me know.

The other issue with dreams are that adults don’t give them enough thought. Busy in the mundane, I find journaling my desires, thoughts and ideas can often help me step towards what I want my reality to look like, it’s also sometimes helpful to know what you don’t want. With this knowledge you can fine tune your dreams and within your imagination (mine is financially free and travel takes seconds) you can take your dreams wherever you like.

Looking back on the dreams you have made a reality can help motivate you towards future dreams in the making that seem to far away. I truly believe that you can accomplish anything you desire, give or take a candy cotton cloud…what’s stopping you making it a reality is so often yourself. Time to journal I think?