positivechoices

Take note of what the light does, to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy. It means ‘of the light’ so it will be no surprise that I’m a huge fan of anything sparkly, glittery or shiny. I’ve always been fond of observing the stars on a clear night. I’m also partial to a string of fairy lights all year around.

That said, I was speaking with a friend about seasons today and summer isn’t my favourite. Sure, it’s the lightest but I adore a sunny cold morning, a crisp Autumn day where you can see spider webs glisten and the light bounces off of the autumnal leaves. This led me to realise that I actually prefer balance. I adore starry nights with black backgrounds, I enjoy things that sparkle the best when the light shines on dark areas – much like a disco ball hanging over a dance floor. Perhaps my middle name should be contrast? Living in the UK I am blessed to have annual experience of the four seasons and they each play a part, often we need the dark to see the light, just as we need the cold to feel the warmth.

In dark times, humour offers much needed light. Shadows can be beautiful too but often fade and need sunlight to sustain them. During the winter/holiday season you may be tricked by the light. Dazzled by sparkle and awe. Shop windows may entice you in and it’s easy to be eaten whole by consumer culture. Or you can take a step back, appreciate the glitter and lights that line most high streets, the Christmas trees lit up in windows and make time for family and friends. You can also take a day off, tell the world you are busy and snuggle under the duvet with your favourite snacks and films. This is often called self care, but I think it actually allows you to see the light. Time alone is hugely under rated, time being by yourself means you can do whatever you want – you feel lighter for it and can but down the burden of carrying others, even if just for an hour or so.

As summer draws to an end and darker evenings will begin, I am going to focus on the light particularly when it arrives in the darker moments. From light hearted moments, to eyes lit up by magic, light can be your warmest friend but too much can burn you. It’s essential that we seek balance rather than look endlessly for the joy in life. I also believe that we attract what we put our focus on, so recognising when we’re not okay but also asking what we need to feel lighter is another way we can restore balance rather than being absorbed by sadness. That said, we still have a few weeks of summer left, so bask in the sun whilst it lasts and enjoy the lighter evenings.

He wasn’t hungry he was starving…

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote McGinest (Patriots)

When it comes to mindset and achieving goals, there are often phases around being ‘hungry for it’ and when I heard that McGinest described that to be a top athlete it wasn’t enough to hungry, that you had to be starving it resonated with me.

I should probably add that I am in no way any type of athlete…in fact trainers are for complimenting jeans and a range of coloured sweatshirt and there is limited sweating occurring in said sweatshirts. However, I have been blessed to witness greatness around me, to have been a small part of the journey it took for those around me to reach goals and achieve.

They aren’t my goals to share but I can share the moments that have stuck with me. One of my friends is currently planning a trip to the Artic. He can’t sail and he doesn’t have a boat but I’m not sure that’s going to stop him? He does complete ultra marathons and he did thrive a life altering injury in his twenties – so in his 50s of course he’s going to set sail! At the moment he is currently saving for the boat, the sacrifices I witness him make, the painstaking detail of how he even approaches finance is insane and relentless. He’s plan is thorough and he is often sacrificing the now to make room for the dream.

Another friend has run competitively at national standard, she’s still competing after two children and her personal bests are improving all of the time. We were in Milan on a girlie weekend in our twenties and made our way to the hotel, it was an odd time of day, late afternoon and I suggested we chilled and then strolled into town for dinner. Whilst I was ‘chilling’ she was running around Milan….on holiday, in the heat, our plane only touching down an hour or so earlier and she had no idea about the route or area we were staying in. Her goals were never off track (forgive the pun) and she’s always been driven.

Whilst I can’t say I’d want to travel too far from home in death defying circumstances and I’m certainly only interested in Olympic triumph from my sofa, I have found that the people I surround myself by have infiltrated my own life. Goals can be achieved with a little elbow grease, a plan and the will not to be distracted. Society sets us up for many skill sets but it doesn’t often teach us how to achieve our dreams. Perhaps like me your dreams aren’t as large as the ones I’ve touched on, but perhaps you do have a goal that could possible turn into a regret without action. This post isn’t about how to achieve it, it’s just a nudge to remind you that you are your priority and that a step in the right direction may help build momentum to a fulfilled life. That’s worth striving for.

The tongue weighs nearly nothing but few people can hold it

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

For readers that know me personally this might be a ‘pot /kettle’ kind of quote. I often lack the filter between my brain and my thoughts and with close people I can often over share. However, I was drawn to this quote for another reason.

Recently, I learnt a lesson that has since altered my perspective of human interaction. I was in a situation where I felt that someone needed to apologise for their behaviour, in general this human is frequently inconsiderate and rude. The interaction was via text (not someone close to me) and I sent the message in the politest tone I could. What came back to me several hours later was a message with no apology and a ramble of excuses, upon reading the text it was also rude and it lit a flame of fury inside of me. Until I realised that any interaction I’ve had with this human has been vile, why would this situation be any different? Why would a person who is inconsiderate be considerate in response?

The lesson is just this, we often expect others to handle situations the way we might, we push our values and societal expectations on others and then…we are shocked when people don’t meet our baseline. A person at a bus stop pushing in front of others, people that litter, people who don’t hold doors for others, narcissists being selfish…the list goes on. The reality that I realised was that perhaps the insane person in this scenario was me. I wouldn’t expect a person who speaks another language to understand English with no support. I wouldn’t expect a toddler to be articulate with their needs and desires. Why would I expect someone who is inconsiderate to act with consideration?

Learning this lesson made me feel instantly relieved. Often interactions with others don’t work out well and that’s ok, this serves two purposes 1) These aren’t your people – keep walking. 2) Interactions are often more about the other persons state of being than you. As such, don’t take it personally.

Holding your tongue isn’t always productive, it can quickly lead to storing negative energy in your body and that often leads to poor health, that said if you can let the negative interaction go whilst holding your tongue, walking away and feeling better – sometimes silence can be the best solution.

The pen is the tongue of the mind.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Miguel de Cervantes

I began this blog on Boxing Day 2014 and have been writing weekly since.

Rarely do I miss a week, but sometimes life has to take priority. There have also been periods of time where I have posted several times a week or the odd spontaneous post that bursts out and needs to be immediately shared. Whilst I would be the first to say that some posts are better than others, some that are repetitive in meaning or vibe…I’m proud of this little corner of the internet. Today, I wanted to share some aspects of the writing process.

Magical memory: I often have no memory of writing posts when I read them back, many are as unique to you the first time reader, as to me the creator. I don’t often read my posts but when I do I’m often surprised by my own thought process. I’m sure within the literature world this has an official term, but to me it’s magical. I initially began the blog as I had an all consuming nine month old baby at the time and needed a place just for me. I’ve always been creative and motherhood didn’t fulfil this aspect of my world. *I also gave birth to a child that’s allergic to craft products, writing and anything ‘arty’ (unless it’s monster related) so knew I needed to look outside the mum gig. That aside, it always fascinates me that I don’t recall writing the words I read back?

I write like I speak: Friends or colleagues that have read my blog has remarked that it’s like listening to me chat with them when they read, again, this probably has an official term but I guess all I’m doing is letting my thought process explode across the screen. It makes sense that it would ‘sound’ like me, after all, everything else I do from the clothes I pick to the food I enjoy all has a sense of me.

It’s cheaper than therapy: I’m very aware that my target audience when writing is often me. Whilst this may sound selfish, I know from comments that the blog often resonates with others but like most things I honestly need to write, like you need to hydrate or relax in-front of the TV. Typing away and fulfilling my duty of completing my weekly post is something I need to do, so even when family life gets frantic my self care process is to find a few minutes to set aside to write to you guys. I often end up writing what I need to acknowledge in my own world, or thoughts that resonate with my experiences at the time of writing.

Give it a go: When I began the blog it was the social media thing to do, most people read blogs about most topics, a little cliche at first, I had a mild case of inferior complex but now it part of my routine. Like most people who have passions, I would certainly encourage you to give it a go. If you ever wanted to write – do it! For me, it gives me a place to leave my thoughts, usually with a positive message or meaning that I hope leaves you the reader feeling a little more seen or less alone in a world that can often be negative. I also enjoy the comments you leave and if I’m honest the stats some posts receive and the places in the world people read it.

Thank you for taking the time to read, especially to regular readers. Extra special thanks to my Mum who has been my editor since day one…and spelling or punctuation issues blame her 🙂 Again, if you think 2024 might be the year you give writing a go, I strongly encourage you to, it’s cheaper than therapy and you may just help others by sharing your knowledge or writing points of interest.

You could be anyone if you put in the time

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Connor McGregor

Time – the post precious gift we are all guilty of wasting. When I read this quote I instantly thought about several aspects of my own life that I don’t give enough time to, or would like to give more to. I wonder if it’s the same for you?

As we approach the new year you can put your time into huge life changing resolutions, and if you have a plan to pursue your dreams and desires I urge you to throw caution to the wind and go for it…in fact, stop reading this blog post and go and do it now. If however the person you’d like to be is a little healthier, takes on a new habit, develops a new skill then time can be your best friend.

This year I have given time to meditate and to yoga daily. Meditation is now embedded into my daily routine and is non negotiable but yoga is something I want to excel in 2024. I know that I’ve made a huge leap in my daily practise this year, but I am also aware I can do longer sessions and advance is several positions. Yoga is something I will give more time to.

There are many things I’ll do to achieve this, from writing down what the positions are that I’d like to work on, to going to a variety of classes, to making daily practice nonnegotiable. However, none of these are possible without me making time to do this and more importantly prioritising time when there is little to spare.

As we step into the last chapter of this year, who do you want to be? Where do you want to spend your time and perhaps just as important to reflect on, where can you save time? Giving yourself and those around you the gift of your presence is something you can’t buy for from a store, once it’s gone it can’t be replaced. Spend it wisely…

You can do anything but not everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote has several origins

This week I was listening to one of my regular podcasts, Kathryn Ryan’s – ‘Telling everybody everything’ and she mentioned this premise in one of her recent episodes. We can often feel guilty for not being the best partner, as we are also being the best mother and at work we are full time committed to being the best employer/employee…it’s a perpetuating circle that often leads to unfulfilled happiness within ourselves, as we can’t be everything to everyone…oh and did I mention, we also need to have wonderful self care regimes, self love, a nutritious diet, regular exercise and quality sleep? It’s a to do list worth aspiring to but one that often is unattainable. Whilst I fully agree with this, I think it’s crucial that we teach our children that they can have it all, just not all at once.

I want to provide my child with all the opportunities to succeed and to become whatever he would like to be. At this point his interests are wide and skill sets are vast, he really could be anything when he decides on a career path. My son is happy, healthy and loved. These are nonnegotiable, but recently I’ve been teaching him how to balance responsibilities and the various elements of life, why? Because you can do everything and be anything but you can’t do it all at the same time.

It’s a skill that isn’t taught in school but one in which I try to role model for his current and future wellbeing. I do this by speaking my thoughts out loud and then explaining how I’m going to complete the tasks; it could be as simple as explaining that I want to go and have a bubble bath, I need a face mask but the washing needs loading, hanging and I need to clean the bathroom. I’ll then explain how I’m going to make the list workable (I’ll wear my face mask whilst cleaning the bathroom or I’ll run the bath and before I step in I’ll pop the washing on… I also think it’s essential to also role model asking for help and also compromise, so I may explain I won’t have time to clean the bathroom and have a bath, but I can have a shower after cleaning the bathroom, or I’ll say if I make time for a bath could he help me by hanging the washing out? So often team work and a sharing of responsibilities is essential so that the family unit can thrive.

This may seem like an obvious post but as a Mumma in 2023 where dreams seem an instant attainable option by clicking a link, I do want my child to dream big, but also want him to be grounded and have strategies to achieving those goals. So, if you are preaching the positive quotes that ‘What my fridge says’ inspires, make sure any little ears also have access to techniques to help them achieve. It’s worth reflecting, as recently my son had a party to attend but also had a homework task due, by the time the evening came around he had done ten extra minutes in the days leading up to the party (without my prompting) to leave him free to go off and enjoy himself, in his own little way ‘he had it all’ and that’s as skillset I can get behind.

Dream big little dude.

When you focus on the good, the good gets better

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote Anon

The weeks are flying by, and the temperatures in the UK are cooling down, winter is around the corner and whilst images of pumpkin lattes and Christmas trees makes me feel warm and fuzzy, often the winter months can be some of the most mentally challenging. We tend to hibernate a little more, the weather is often grey and cold, we can become lethargic and not as productive, as a result this can leave our mental health in poor condition.

What can we do? We can focus on what we do have, this is a skill that I’m alway in pursuit of / attempting to maintain. I know it works and have had many successes from it but I also know that when you are feeling low it can be hard to focus at all, let alone alter your mindset to a positive perspective. I really enjoy thinking about the things I’m grateful for, this helps me reflect on what I have achieved, what I do have and not on the endless ‘to do list’ or concerns of looming bills and costly house projects that quickly become essential when you ignore them for long enough.

If listing your gratitudes seems out of reach then I’d like to share a writing practise that I’ve recently adopted.

You can do it at the end of the day before sleep or reflect first thing in the morning on the day before. I found the practise on Instagram and have found it useful for raising my vibration. I prefer to write in the morning as it sets me up for the day ahead.

The first question is: ‘Name three moment of kind did you show to others or experience from other people?’ This question makes me appreciate all the small things that the people around me do and also encourages me to do/ share more kindness to others. After doing this for a few weeks it surprised me how often it’s strangers that show kindness.

The next question is: ‘Name 3 joys from yesterday’ again, this requires me to reflect on my day with a positive perspective and often it’s the small moments that give me the biggest boost when I write them down.

The third question is: ‘Three things you did well?’ Firstly, when I went to do this I was taken back, apart from the odd office impact narrative, I haven’t stated what I do well since I was a child, certainly not in writing and it was really challenging. After a few days I noticed that my inner voice had become a little more of a cheerleader and less a self saboteur.

Focusing on the good doesn’t stop the bad happening but I do believe it helps to balance out your perspective and often helps you to find solutions quicker. It also often means you attract other positive people and that can also help raise your collective vibration. The world is hard enough at times without surrounding yourself with opinions that drain you. If you give the questions or journal prompts a go, let me know in the comments below. Perhaps much like the lessons I’ve learnt from the journal prompts – it’s a little daily practice that may help your mental health and well-being hugely.

I wish you a kinder sea

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’m privileged to live near the sea and much like most aspects of nature, I love the sea in various conditions. Pebbles and sand beaches, stormy and powerful tides that make you feel energised and invigorated as the wind whips your hair and the sea spits out white foam, flat calm seas that are joyful when we have the paddle board out, often leaving me feelings balanced and joyful, then there are tidal waves that have always a melody to them as they rise and fall. My favourites are all the in between seas too…a little windy but ‘not too choppy’ or the warm sea that is wonderful to paddle your feet in as dusk falls and the wind begins to pick up.

If we think of the sea as a humongous living metaphor for life, then it makes sense that it has so many variants. Sometimes we can feel like we are drowning in endless battles as the waves of life sweep us off our feet and at other times we enjoy the sea salt kisses the spray brings, the warm tides that tickle our toes and envelope us like a hug – so often I leave the sea feeling cleansed and renewed.

Life with its ups and downs, often can feel as unpredictable as the sea…one minute you’re paddling through effortlessly and the next you are out of depth and struggling to keep your head above water. Sometimes if you turn your back to the sea you can quickly find the waves can whisk you on the floor with a soggy bottom and you are left bemused wondering how it even happened?

As the quote states above – I wish you an kinder sea. One that forgives, a life that cleanses your soul but also gives you joy. I do believe that dark stormy tides are moments in life we can learn from, build strength and resilience from and ultimately can be an opportunity for personal growth.

I wish you a kinder sea that gives you freedom to explore, that leads you to new voyages and lands afar. I wish you a kinder sea that allows you to see your worth, I wish this for everyone.

Perhaps me wishing isn’t enough? Perhaps we need to observe and reflect on the sea we have in front of us and treat it accordingly. When danger appears, we need to have the tools to protect ourselves, reaching for our self care life jackets, when the sea is absorbing us we need to build boundaries and see defences to keep it at bay. Lastly but essentially, we need to treat those around us with the kindest we wish to have. You can be a kind sea if you are poisoned with sewage or negative energy such as envy or doubt.

I will keep wishing for kinder seas and I hope to live in a kinder sea myself. I know I need to take my eyes of the horizon and enjoy the sea below, the where I am now. But as a seasoned sailor I also know the horizon is not always my friend, that in can alter my course at any moment. Let’s all wish for kinder seas.

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Vincent Van Gogh

Friday 7th July I went to see the Van Gogh experience. It was made all the more magical not only by the company of a genuine friend who I adore but towards the end of the visit the last few visitors left and we then found ourselves in a private viewing situation. The amount of privilege I felt and the emotion of the experience in itself was overwhelmingly incredible. Truly an experience I’ll remember forever.

Sunflowers

I studied VG as a pupil, perhaps we’ve all painted a sunflower within our education or a starry night? I was aware that he had suffered from a decline in mental health within his life, he had cut off his ear and spent time in asylums, I wasn’t aware of how beautiful he was with words. I also wasn’t aware that he had committed suicide, the exhibition was truly immersive and left me with more questions than answers to relate to my own experience of life.

I realised that what I took away from the exhibition was how valuable relationships are and how a good friendship elevate each other. I do believe that a positive life is made of small sparkles of joy and not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Within 2023 I have made daily practises non negotiable and I’m now in the sweet spot of seeing the benefits. In the beginning the joy wasn’t necessarily there and the art of doing the behaviour felt like a chore on a to do list. Months of consistency and daily effort has created the melting pot of joy that I now feel and the practises of yoga and meditation are something I look forward to appose to another job.

At school I wasn’t particularly sporty, in fact sport was a chore. Despite not being good at it though I did realise that many of the techniques can be taken off of the court / pitch and brought into life. My netball coach always spoke about pivoting, pausing and then launching the ball towards the net. If we imagine the goal post as the ‘end of the match’ on earth, then making small pivots to our achievements seems like a smart way to to achieve a positive outcome. I truly believe it’s the small pausing in life, the reflective moments and the ‘hindsight’ lesson that allow us to move through the court (or life) with precision, purpose and positivity.

Whether in life you are currently pivoting from one direction to another, whether you are in a moment of pause / reflection, know that it’s the small moments of courage, the small moments of joy, the experiences you did take, the small moments of togetherness that make for a wonderful life. For all Van Gogh’s sad experiences he left us much joy.

Never let your storm get your kids wet

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

When I was little my Mum took me and my friend to school in snow on a sledge. She heaved us through the streets on a few inches of flakes. It was joyful (well for my friend and I), when I was older my Mum and I went to a huge market. I drove her in my brand new two seater convertible. Once we’d walked around the stalls we decided to head back towards the car park – the heavens opened and if I say it rained I would be underestimating your understanding of rain, it was more like walking through a giant wave. We laughed because it actually hurt as the rain fell from the sky, we couldn’t believe we’d got caught and giggled all of the way home, grateful for heated leather seats and every time we glimpsed each others sodden exterior we erupted in laughter again.

That by the way was a metaphor, one that unpicks this quote. It resonated with me because this week I have come across too many children exposed to adult topics of conversation and worry. No matter what your circumstances the storms of life that bring you down don’t need to be shared with little ears, processing these can often lead to trauma responses for them as they take on adult emotions. If you are carrying something heavy, you can either work towards putting it down or carry it away from your child.

Finance or lack of and rising living costs in my opinion aren’t concerns for children. Exposing children to adult addiction’s often mean the children grow up within the shadows of these circumstances. That said I’m not sure we should paint adult life as sunshine and lollipops, we can sometimes laugh in unfortunate times, we can take the positive from a negative situation and we can role model self respect, resilience and endurance when storms approach. This has to happen at an age appropriate time, exposing the child to witness elements of storms from a distance before the rain hammers down on your doorstep, or putting in place boundaries around relationships and potential hazards.

Varying weather conditions are expected in the UK. Temperatures can dip overnight and summertime can sometimes mean taking a coat when you leave the house. Wrap your children up close and don’t expose them to unnecessary burdens. If I had a coat and my son didn’t, I would instinctively give it to him. Do the same with your words.