mental health

Talking is good, even if the topic is silly

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote original from Fridgesays

As far back as I can recall my Mum and I have spent time together ‘talking sh*t’ – this means being silly, talking about nothing of importance and absolutely talking for the sake of talking. Sadly, I don’t live in walking distance of my parents, so I will often pick up the phone to ‘talk sh*t’ with her.

Mr F thinks it’s foolish but I’ve always felt it was good for the soul. Talking sh*t isn’t to be confused with gossip – that is often toxic and breeds discontent and negativity. Talking rubbish however, allows adults to play and often begins with a hypothetical scenario or an aspect of make believe.

Last night at the dinner table I asked my son what food he thought of when I said ‘dream meal’ – not what your dream meal is but what image you conjure in your mind, mine is a burger and his is a specific chicken burger, Mr F reluctantly joined in and said that he thought of pizza, he then asked why I had asked and I had to confess it was for no particular reason.

This morning I was in a supermarket grabbing some snacks after Rugby and I thought about last nights chat and whilst I got a pain au chocolat for myself, I got Mr F a pizza slice. As I handed it to him I remarked on how sometimes playing/chat for no good reason at the time allows us to better understand each other and that last nights dinner table banter had resulted in the manifestation of pizza slices, had we not have had the conversation we certainly all would have had pastries. He looked at me, as he often does with utter confusion and walked away.

I read this paragraph in another blog recently

Talking nonsense isn’t frivolous or meaningless. It’s an act of trust and love, a way of saying, “Here’s my unfiltered, quirky self,” and inviting the other person to respond in kind.

And it resonated with me. It made me reflect on my childhood and how, perhaps without knowing it my mother’s conversation with me were one of the many reasons I have such a clear sense of self. They often ended it laughter or a joke that only we shared and even when the topic was of a heavier nature, talking it through in a nonsensical manner meant the mood never deteriorated.

I’ll attach the link to the blog I read at the bottom of this post, it explores topics we have discussed on this blog previously about adults playing, being childish and how positive it is for mental health, but I can see that it’s also enriching as a shared activity, a bond and does allow you to better know those around you. Perhaps this week you might also ask some hypothetical questions over dinner; If you was a dog what breed would you be? If you had to pick a celebrity to be your best friend who would you select and why? The list of talking rubbish is endless but I think it might be the healthiest rubbish your body has ever absorbed. Lastly, a shout out to my Mum who’s always a phone call away to talk to.

As promised, link to article: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-joy-of-talking-nonsense-with-someone-you-love/

Every cell in your body is evesdropping on your thoughts

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

Physical health and mental health are linked, just as wellbeing and illness are opposite ends of a spectrum. The phrase ‘we are one’ has never been more correct. As an adult human you contains around 37 trillion human cells and 200 different cell types, even more wonderful is that these cells are in a life cycle of their own, rejuvenating continuously, so if you don’t feel like the same person you were a year or even a day ago, you’re right – you are now millions of new cells. The body is always moving, adapting and altering, whilst as humans we often hate change, the human body thrives on new cells.

Each of the 200 hundred different types of cells look different and alter to best cope with your unique setting. For example, Cells in the brain may be longer in shape so they can transmit signals more efficiently, whilst cells in the respiratory system are plump as they hold oxygen.

If we don’t feel at ease, our cells respond and the medical profession often call the result ‘disease’… our bodies are vessels that absorb our thoughts and react. So here’s the great news… your thoughts have the power to alter your cell health, think good thoughts and health follows…the downside; in this crazy world of fear and uncertainty, negative thoughts and experience’s often have a negative affect on our bodies. Ever been nervous before an interview and had an upset tummy at the same time? Been stressed and got a headache?

Time to become spiritual gardens. Just like a gardener (of which I am not the best) cultivates the land to create a beautiful open space, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and whether it serves our mind. Gardeners weed and take out invasive plants that can strangle and consume other plants that they want in their garden. Fearful thoughts and worry do the same to our positive thoughts.

Large trees can consume all the light and the smaller plants below can die because they aren’t receiving enough nutrients. Often we can see this in the early hours of the morning where the human brain can take a small problem, a seedling of inconvenience, and in the dark hours of the morning with nothing to distract us we can make that problem humongous and unbearable by catastrophising and going over the same issue several thousand times. However, in the light of day if you speak the issue over with a loved one they will often remind you that the ‘what ifs’ aren’t real and that the seedling issue can be resolved.

In essence, the solution is to think positive thoughts but I appreciate that is extremely hard to do and easy for me to type. However, we can always move to a better thought process. The way we do this is exactly the same as people in the gym become stronger. We need to do lots of repetitive actions (positive thoughts) until it becomes our normal setting. Personally, if something is wrong I always find it best to acknowledge it, but after that I reframe it to the best possible outcome I can visualise, after all 32 trillion cells are relying on me. For example, rather than say you are feeling ill, say you are healing. Rather than punish yourself for being late, appreciate the steps you took to ensure you didn’t completely miss the appointment or the effort it took you to get there. If you have experienced or are experiencing trauma, how can we learn from it? What action do you need to take?

I’m cautious not to ‘Princess positive’ life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often difficult and sometimes painful. Of course positive thoughts won’t miraculously cure you and it’s important to give all our emotions attention, if we begin to feel sad we need to be aware of why. What this quote does remind us is that our cell health is always listening and responding to our environment. So on this Sunday evening (or any evening you happen to stumble upon this article) reflect and take some time to think about where you are in life. What brings you peace, joy and pleasure, are there any aspects that make you anxious and that you can make alterations to? Keeping your cells happy, creates a better you to move into tomorrow.

Comin’ with the bad bitch magic

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Full quote from Queen Herby lyrics are “Comin’ with the bad bitch magic, and they can’t stand it, when I put these hoes in a panic.”

December can often feel suffocating, the final weeks of school term devoured me with all its tinsel and emotional demands. However I have made it and can now see two weeks of work free life upon me, except adult life never stops – the Christmas prep has barely begun and the recent full moon has resulted in a broken kitchen tap, dead car battery and narrowly escaping a stag charging in my direction (a little closer than I’d of liked, side note; it was seriously awesome once I’d survived, placed my heart back inside my chest cavity and processed the event)…that said, our Christmas tree is looking extra glorious this year with a new fairy and seven hundred extra lights, despite our dogs hypocritical and despairing looks of judgement as we bought in a seven foot tree and don’t allow her to bring her sticks in the house…yes tiny phone people: December is a lot!

Therefore and because I refuse to be overwhelmed, I go to my tool kit of magic and joy to help me raise my vibration…I refuse to be taken down by my ever growing to do lists and cold winter evenings that seem to consume time and spit me out into my pjs earlier and earlier. So what’s a ‘bad bitch to do’ …below are some of my sparkliest ideas from my magical toolkit.

Self care matters: Obviously it always matters but if you are missing the warmer days of life then put the Christmas chocolate box down for a minute and listen up! *you can totally return to the chocolate box once you’ve finished reading

Up your vitamins…some of my favs include vitamin D (sun in a bottle), lions mane, echinacea and vitamin C

Listen and move to feel good music, podcasts, movies and pivot when things feel negative…we’ve got no time for a documentary on wars and tragedies right now…this diet of high energy creative vibes will feed your soul

Soup – honestly, it’s the best winter warmer and I think it makes my soul happier, I can’t stop making it?

Pinterest – I know what you’re thinking, this social app from 2009 is vintage BUT collating (for free!) beautiful pin boards of imagery that lights your fire is far more beneficial than watching thirty second clips of adults dancing and cats falling off high cupboards. I’m using the app to set intentions for 2023, to gather recipes (okay, mainly soup), to discover ideas of things I might make and to collate a wardrobe that sparks joy…oh, that reminds me

Wear all the colours of the rainbow – I used my clothes rail like a dressing up box. The lower I feel, the more I need a sparkly tiara, sparkly boots, sparkly cardigans – ALL the SPARKLES! However, you may be less glitter and more practical, whatever your vibe make sure you walk out of the front door feeling fabulous. You will likely inspire others, pick up compliments like acorns on an oak tree and feel beautiful.

Journal – grab a note book and write as if you’re Dickens, don’t worry if what you’re writing down is gibberish, negative or the same day after day, the main thing is you are allowing those thoughts to have there moment of glory, then you’re turning the page and moving on

Gratitude lists – I adore a list full of moments of joy, dig deep and you’ll be surprised at what you have to be grateful for even in the darkest corners of life

What’s in your sparkly tool box of joy, that raises your vibration and helps you through the tougher moments of life? Let me know in the comments below

The unfed mind devours itself

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Gore Vidal

A new week and time to remind ourselves that our brains need stimulation.

Feed your brain the nutrition of a Watsit, stay in your comfort zone and stop learning new things = brain mush.

Our brain is not only crucial for daily functioning but it’s what we use to make decisions and steer the course of our lives with, with each new turn of the steering wheel we create new neurone pathways and that gives us more options and allows us to flourish. When it comes to the brain, variety is not only the spice of life but the whole plate.

It’s very easy to sit in our comfort zones and as we get older, I suggest much like an old and loved couch, it’s becomes harder to get out of. This post is a moment to reflect on whether you need to do something new, go somewhere different, to take up that course you’ve always wanted to do. Perhaps you are well read and enjoy regular trips to the library, you may have not realised that you always read the same genre, or same couple of authors. This means you are likely to stay roughly in the same word count and in turn you haven’t learnt any new words or expressions for a while. Much like a child learning to speak, the more eloquent we are the further we can use language to express our emotions and to an extent, feel deeper. The same can be said if you tend to watch the same TV programmes, genre of films or visit the same websites regularly.

Part of my job as a behaviour adviser, is going into schools and observing children in classrooms. Boredom isn’t as rare as parents may hope. Whilst the bored mind can also stimulate imagination and innovation – in the majority of classrooms I’ve observed in, this isn’t always the case, it’s more likely that biros will be tapped, twirled, dropped and span. After a while, the bored mind becomes frustrated and antisocial behaviour kicks in, the mind devours itself in chaos.

The other thing a bored mind does is it has too much time, when this happens it fills itself up with fear and ‘what ifs’ – again, great for the imagination but not so much for in being / becoming a mentally well balanced individual.

A diet of fear, leads to a vulnerable existence and anxiety, so every now and then we need to take stock and reassess what our brains are digesting, food wise there are many awesome ‘brain foods’ from blueberries to nuts they can help increase performance. Exercise wise, the brain craves new environments, challenges and goals. However, one element that often gets forgotten is sleep. A good nights sleep allows the brain to process, reassess and much like a computer it turns on more effectively after it’s been reset. We may not grizzle like toddlers when we are tired (I think I do actually?) but it lowers our mood and our performance, which can effect how enjoyable we are finding the task at hand. Don’t devour your own brain, use it and manifest the life you always dreams of.

Sometimes the tiniest things shine brightest in our lives.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon.

I’m a fan of the small twinkles of joy that I find in my life. I’m hardwired to see them, breath them and appreciate them. It’s true I’m one of the happy, cheerful sorts that you don’t want to meet on a bad day, but you’d be wrong in thinking that this outward joy comes naturally to me. So what keeps me on the sunny side of life?

My thoughts:

I consciously make positive choices asking my internal self ‘Does this feel good?’ or ‘Do I need to let go of this?’

I also read positive literature and online only follow accounts that make me feel good as I scroll, the exception are topics I feel passionately about; like teen mental health, anxiety or sometimes adoption stories – however, again I select accounts that are giving solutions, tools or sharing positive intentions around those issues. We don’t have the TV on in our home, instead we sit down to stream specific films or series – the news is never on. If I need to know, social media has a way of letting me know the big stuff, without the TV on we also don’t have adverts blaring through our home or the constant chatter of day time TV and negative energy.

I do meditate but I admit this is something I’m currently struggling to keep in my routine. Mornings can be manic and evenings I just end up dozing off, however this week I’m going to trial lunch time meditations now the little dude has returned to school. There are many articles on why we should all meditate and so many different ways; guided or not, with or without music, with actions or still….it’s worth exploring what works for you.

Magnetised by positive people:

We can’t always avoid people that have low energy or perhaps drain us, in the work place you may not get to decide who you work with and its unlikely that you’re already thinking of a certain someone that drains you faster than the bathroom plug can be emptied. However, in your personal life you can, or you can minimise interactions with people who dont raise you up.

Another way around this, is balancing your time with personalities who both drain and radiate for you at the same time or near each other. I also sometimes will make sure I have time to myself to ‘fill up my cup’ before I enter a situation that I know may be highly stressful, although I realise that this isn’t always possible.

Actively search for the tiny moments of sparkle in your day:

Don’t just notice them, highlight them. Keep track of them in a gratitude diary, or a note in your phone, share them with others or just relish them a little longer than you might normally.

To get you started here are a few of mine from where I’m seated in this moment:

  • The sun is shining through the windows and its hitting my prisms that hang and casting rainbows everywhere.
  • My cup is over half full…no seriously, I just filled glass with water (hydrations lifts moods too)
  • My dog is laying across my feet – bonus that she’s keeping them warm
  • I hoovered this morning so my carpet looks clear (no toys in site!)

Once you begin this Polly-Anna approach to looking for the light in life, much like any habit you’ll magnetise to more of the joy life offers. Whilst its not always easy to see, I promise you there is always something good to appreciate. Basic maths tells us that we can’t get a negative number from two or more positive numbers. I suggest that you can lead a more hopeful, sparkly and joyful existence if you choose to focus on the tiny moments life offers us.

You’re not in a storm, you’re in transition.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

When you feel weighed down by life, it can often feel like you’re stuck in a bad weather. You ‘baton down the hatches’ (I shut the door?), you hibernate until it’s over and at times you moan about the heat of summer and how you miss it. If you live in the UK then a very British culture trend is to discuss the weather in great detail with everyone you meet. “Did you have that storm last night’ you say to the Lady at the bus stop…the bus stop that’s around the corner from where you live. She replies “it was horrendous” she then extends with tales of garden pots crashing to the ground, how she can’t hang her washings and that the trampoline from next door nearly took off…it didnt, but that’s what she tells you.

You can actually make the ‘stories of the storm’ last for a while, my friendship group still discuss the Storm of 1987 whenever the ‘S’ word appears, its the mecca of all storms in my lifetime and every storm / hurricane in the UK has been compared to it ever since. It was a good storm, if such a thing can exist….

Of course it can exist. Storms rock natures, remove weak trees, turn the earth over, add decomposing elements and allow for new growth to thrive. It humans a metaphorical storm is an occasion where we sit in our negative pattern like concert. We wallow in our story…in concrete. We can’t grow in concrete, we can’t thrive, we just sit and think about how bad we have it.

All Storms have to end, in fact all weather systems are temporary….the sun goes down, the clouds fill with water, the rain falls… it moves, it flows and even storms, thunder, lightning and hurricanes ‘blow over’. As do peoples ‘storm like’ situations. The problem is if we are so invested in being negative, we can’t see the moments of sunlight that inevitable pass. Instead we wallow in our negative patterns and perpetuate the situation.

While life isn’t all rainbows and at time certainly many of us will need to seek external support to lift ourselves up from our dark skies…it’s possible….it happens in small transitions and I am proud to say that I’ve seen so many people find glimmers of light, sometimes the heavy clouds return but just like our weather – its often temporary, its often made up of many elements, and its just another transition in the weather map of our lives.

If you or someone to love needs to seek professional support, this UK site gives you the A-Z of charities and organisations that are trained specifically in taking down storms and throwing out lights. Much love to you on your journey.

Hope is being able to see the light despite all of the darkness

~ Fridgesays ~ 2 Comments

Quote by Desmond Tutu

We all have our moments of darkness, some come and go much like the sun and moon, others seem much heavier and forever shape us.

I have had my share of darkness and have also had the honour of supporting teenagers as they face trauma and often actions out of their power. I’m no expert but I have learnt a few things that’s I’d like to share – the first is simple. No two dark nights are the same. Just because you are grieving or have experienced death doesn’t mean you know how someone else feels, sure you can empathise and much like this blog tries to do, you can share your ideas and positive sparkles but ultimately everybody feels and reactions are individual.

That’s the good bit, that’s what makes us unique. If you are currently facing a dark time, I urge you to reach for the light switch. It’s often just out of grasp but you can ask for support, loved ones or perhaps your GP this link is full of amazing experts and advice, it’s literally and A-Z of services.

I’d also urge you to see the light in the darkness, much like one of my favourite children’s books ‘The owl who was afraid of the dark’ there is always a positive to see from a negative experience – in the children’s books the owl learns that fireworks truly shine at night, that the stars can’t be seen by day…often our own joys or darkness are us becoming more empathetic to others, better listeners or perhaps have experience in a specific type of darkness.

However, I have seen and felt myself how impossible the long nights can be an I urge you all to create a tool box of light. *no batteries needed – these are a few of the things that I’ve felt have helped me and others around me. You can create your box to suit you. Loved ones to talk to

  • Talking to loved ones
  • Drinking more water – it sounds simple, but us humans are just complicated plants
  • Go for a walk
  • Make your bed when you wake
  • Help others or volunteer your time
  • Make plans, these can be small to begin with and within your comfort zone
  • Self care: this doesn’t need to be candle lit meals but can again start with brushing your teeth and having a shower.
  • Look at positive content online
  • Clean and declutter: my favourite is the cutlery draw as it only takes a minute to wipe it over but every-time you open it you feel a sense of achievement
  • Take it slow – life isn’t a race

I hope as you read this you can’t feel any shadows, I hope your life is lit up like a Christmas tree… but I promise that finding light in the darkest of time’s can be rewarding, just nobody said it would be easy.

Much love x

Worry is a misuse of Imagination

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

 Quote by Dan Zandra.

I’m not very good at worrying? I get distracted, like a fly or a toddler…it’s not necessarily a bad thing, worry can cause a variety of medical conditions; heart complications, anxiety issues that can lead to depression, even a shorter life expectancy. I also never really understood what people got out of it? For example if you have a telephone bill that you can’t pay…worrying won’t pay the bill? I do have moments where I may worry, particularly when loved ones are ill but I never understood ‘worrying’ until last year when a yr 11 girl in my school asked me to help her with anxiety over her exams.

A little bit of digging made me realise that she used ‘worry’ as her form of fuel, she worried about everything in life and her neurotransmitters responded; it was even how she showed she cared. More importantly it’s how she released the power to push through life and achieve daily tasks. I thought that was pretty cool, so I made her embrace her worry and not become debilitated by it. It worked too, she aced her exams with the right mindset.

This links directly to the second part of this quote – imagination. Rather than worry think about doing something creative. Imagination is the gift we all have that sadly so many adults loose or forget. Mine is sometimes a little too extreme and if I were a balloon i’d float off into the sky. Luckily, I have Mr F to keep me grounded (he is the string in our relationship) for example when we were planning to upgrade our kitchen he suggests a practical solution that is cost effective and I suggest a kitchen made of Lego. (Seriously, next time you’re on Pinterest take a look at the Lego kitchens, you won’t be disappointed), we then compromise with a practical kitchen that has Lego for cupboard handles (please), okay well negotiations are on going…

I really do believe that imagination is the key to the soul, to success and to life. You have to believe it to receive it.  If you can’t imagine yourself doing something or think you aren’t worthy then you’re likely to miss opportunities and live with regrets.

If you are a natural worrier – harness that energy and use it to fuel your imagination, rather than the ‘what ifs’ life may or may not bring, enjoy the tomorrows and embraces the dreams of now, they can be your reality for tomorrow. You may be surprised at how much you can achieve.

Hope is being able to see the light despite all of the darkness

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Desmond Tutu

The journey of life often brings uncertainty and darkness. One minute life is lit up like a joyful Christmas tree, the next an unexpected power cut plummets you into darkness.

Darkness can often be uncertain and you bump into things. I’d suggest anyone who finds themselves in the dark reaches for the light switch as soon as possible, call me the health and safety police but I’m not into bumping my head. If you are currently living in the shadows or grasp of darkness then you might think ‘easy for her to type’ and so I’d like you to know that darkness has knocked on my door, circumstances out of my control mean I’ve lived more of my nightmares than I’d care to mention and Ive also supported many young people in the most tragic of circumstances. However, this doesn’t make me a darkness expert; Ive learnt that each individuals darkness is unique to them.

My most recent darkness was my silent miscarriage, after a quick survey of the darkness I decided not to stay there. I reached for the light switch of hope. It’s not particularly stable and somedays it’s just out of my clutches, although I may not have much choice about the darkness I do have a choice about how I look at the dark.

It reminded me of a children’s book I enjoyed as a child and have shared with my son. ‘The owl who was afraid of the dark’ through the story the baby owl who fears the dark learns the joy of fireworks who’s beauty can’t be appreciated in full light. In my favourite chapter the owl learns to see and appreciate the stars. Then I remembered that if I looked outside of my initial darkness…the stars would light my way. Small beams of appreciation, hope allows me to see the light. Perhaps your dark past increases your empathy to others, a better listener or generally a kinder soul. 

At other times when I hear of other peoples darkness it makes mine seem more like i’ve got life on a dimmer switch. Of course, one persons tragedy doesn’t diminish somebody else’s feelings but I do think it sometimes gives situations a clearer perspective. 

Noted below are a few things that can make the light switch a little easier to find, most of them are free and I’m sure you’ve heard of them all before.

  • Keep a gratitude diary
  • Volunteer and help somebody else
  • pop on some music
  • go for a walk 
  • declutter a draw – my personal favourite it the cutlery draw, takes 2 minutes to wipe around yet every time I open the draw I feel like I’m winning
  • write down how you are feeling and then shred it or burn it. 
  • drink more water – we are after all complex plants with emotions
  • fake a smile – apparently the brain can tell the difference and the happy hormones will be released. 
  • Make a plan for tomorrow. This doesn’t need to be huge like a holiday (although they can be fun) 
  • try and get a good night sleep (I know this ones tricky)
  • practise self care: this doesn’t need to be a full facial and luxury bubble bath, just having a wash and brushing teeth is a good starting point 
  • Make your bed – this will require you to leave it 
  • remember that before you can step out of the tunnel, the light gradually increases with small bursts of light…so be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

If the darkness persists and you feel like you’re in the longest night of your life, make an appointment to see your GP or check out this link with helpful numbers and website for you to look at. Best wishes in finding a little more light. 

I can smell Autumn dancing in the breeze

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

This week I’ve been teaching my year seven pupils (aged 11) about developing and sustaining a positive mindset. It was also national mental health awareness day (10th October) and so I thought I’d bring the two together and create a gratitude list for Autumn.

I keep a daily journal in which I write down three things I’m grateful for and three intentions for the day. Personally, I find it helps focus my day and it starts my day in a good vibration.

My favourite season is spring, but that shouldn’t stop an Autumn list from occurring, in fact it’s often more beneficial to dig a little deeper when it comes to gratitude, that said I’m often surprised at how simple pleasures usually are? *Sorry if most of my list is food based.

Autumn gratitude

  • The crunch of the leaves as they fall under my feet
  • Cosy evenings in with pyjamas and hot chocolate
  • The colours of the trees that seem to change daily through Autumn
  • Searching for conkers (seriously it’s like discovering buried treasure)
  • An excuse to wear a cardigan
  • Smell of Crock pot dinners – it’s like coming home to my Mums cooking at the end of a working day, except I did it whilst I was at work!
  • Wearing wellies on walks
  • Homemade soup and fresh bread
  • Cups of tea on the sofa whilst it rains outside
  • Autumn seems slower and so I find more time to read
  • Bonfires (marshmallows on bonfires)
  • Fireworks in our village
  • Watching the stars
  • Empty beach walks wrapped up warm

…your turn, what are you grateful for as we step into Autumn? Comment below.