light

Don’t let anyone dull your light

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Often when writing I know the theme and then find a quote, or I find a quote and the writing follows. Tonight, the process has been reversed as I’d like to share a lesson that just happened. I then thought that this quote would work well and assumed that I’d used it before, it doesn’t seem to have been? Although I know there are variants of it such as ‘don’t let anyone dim your sparkle’ so forgive me if it seems repetitive.

The lesson: September has burst through the year with a buddy at hand called Autumn, usually when the children return back to school the temperature in the UK increases and we are treated to an Indian summer, this year September has brought rain, thunder storms and whilst the sun shone today, the cold followed, it was around eleven Celsius and whilst not coat wearing worthy the sudden ten Celsius drop can be felt with an autumnal kiss in the air.

As a result, I have peaked early with soup making and all things cosy. Tonight I lit a candle and snuggled in bed with a new book. It was a tapered candle and I haven’t lit it for a while. As I sat on my bed the candle was struggling to breathe and so I gently tipped it slightly to release some of the melted wax, this worked for a little while but soon I was looking at a tiny blue glow, barely a flame. As I watched it struggle decided whether it would rescue itself or need me to ‘tip and release’ a metaphor of life came into mind.

Often, as adults we know what we need and often it’s a basic need that is usually achievable – less sugar, a glass of water, more movement and exercise, better quality sleep, taking time for self care or perhaps just a shower. There are certainly days when I know I’d feel a thousand percent better if I just had a shower and yet like myself starring at the struggling blue glow of the candle. We don’t do it? I tell myself I’ll wake up earlier and make time to hair wash and style, I then don’t and wake panicked with a ridiculous list of things to be achieved by 7:30am and the shower becomes a task moved to later in the day, I then have to do something with the now greasy hair and leave the house flustered and feeling like the 1970s John Travolta look isn’t in my self esteems best interest.

If it was just a shower, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad but there are certainly days and sometimes longer periods of time when just like the struggling candle we find ourselves out of balance, dehydrated, perhaps not even making time to eat and if we do we’ve not grabbed anything of any nutritious contents, we struggling to breathe and let we know what we need…here comes the crazy part, if it were a friend or loved one we would absolutely make them prioritise the shower, we’d create them something to eat, we’d encourage an early night but most of all, we’d tip the candle for a little longer and let it breathe. So I did. The flame grew and suddenly from a struggling glow came a large and substantial flame. The candle was living its best life, I was experiencing the candle living its best life. The world became fuller somehow and I couldn’t stop smiling. I’d known all along what it needed, I just watched it struggle, hoping it might ‘sort itself out’ which is ridiculous.

As you step into a new week, listen to your internal voice. Allow yourself the love and support and give yourself what you need. Whilst not always possible, often a step towards your need is a leap for ‘candle-kind’, don’t be a drowning candle, light up the world for yourself and those around you.

Take note of what the light does, to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy. It means ‘of the light’ so it will be no surprise that I’m a huge fan of anything sparkly, glittery or shiny. I’ve always been fond of observing the stars on a clear night. I’m also partial to a string of fairy lights all year around.

That said, I was speaking with a friend about seasons today and summer isn’t my favourite. Sure, it’s the lightest but I adore a sunny cold morning, a crisp Autumn day where you can see spider webs glisten and the light bounces off of the autumnal leaves. This led me to realise that I actually prefer balance. I adore starry nights with black backgrounds, I enjoy things that sparkle the best when the light shines on dark areas – much like a disco ball hanging over a dance floor. Perhaps my middle name should be contrast? Living in the UK I am blessed to have annual experience of the four seasons and they each play a part, often we need the dark to see the light, just as we need the cold to feel the warmth.

In dark times, humour offers much needed light. Shadows can be beautiful too but often fade and need sunlight to sustain them. During the winter/holiday season you may be tricked by the light. Dazzled by sparkle and awe. Shop windows may entice you in and it’s easy to be eaten whole by consumer culture. Or you can take a step back, appreciate the glitter and lights that line most high streets, the Christmas trees lit up in windows and make time for family and friends. You can also take a day off, tell the world you are busy and snuggle under the duvet with your favourite snacks and films. This is often called self care, but I think it actually allows you to see the light. Time alone is hugely under rated, time being by yourself means you can do whatever you want – you feel lighter for it and can but down the burden of carrying others, even if just for an hour or so.

As summer draws to an end and darker evenings will begin, I am going to focus on the light particularly when it arrives in the darker moments. From light hearted moments, to eyes lit up by magic, light can be your warmest friend but too much can burn you. It’s essential that we seek balance rather than look endlessly for the joy in life. I also believe that we attract what we put our focus on, so recognising when we’re not okay but also asking what we need to feel lighter is another way we can restore balance rather than being absorbed by sadness. That said, we still have a few weeks of summer left, so bask in the sun whilst it lasts and enjoy the lighter evenings.

Hope is being able to see the light despite all of the darkness

~ Fridgesays ~ 2 Comments

Quote by Desmond Tutu

We all have our moments of darkness, some come and go much like the sun and moon, others seem much heavier and forever shape us.

I have had my share of darkness and have also had the honour of supporting teenagers as they face trauma and often actions out of their power. I’m no expert but I have learnt a few things that’s I’d like to share – the first is simple. No two dark nights are the same. Just because you are grieving or have experienced death doesn’t mean you know how someone else feels, sure you can empathise and much like this blog tries to do, you can share your ideas and positive sparkles but ultimately everybody feels and reactions are individual.

That’s the good bit, that’s what makes us unique. If you are currently facing a dark time, I urge you to reach for the light switch. It’s often just out of grasp but you can ask for support, loved ones or perhaps your GP this link is full of amazing experts and advice, it’s literally and A-Z of services.

I’d also urge you to see the light in the darkness, much like one of my favourite children’s books ‘The owl who was afraid of the dark’ there is always a positive to see from a negative experience – in the children’s books the owl learns that fireworks truly shine at night, that the stars can’t be seen by day…often our own joys or darkness are us becoming more empathetic to others, better listeners or perhaps have experience in a specific type of darkness.

However, I have seen and felt myself how impossible the long nights can be an I urge you all to create a tool box of light. *no batteries needed – these are a few of the things that I’ve felt have helped me and others around me. You can create your box to suit you. Loved ones to talk to

  • Talking to loved ones
  • Drinking more water – it sounds simple, but us humans are just complicated plants
  • Go for a walk
  • Make your bed when you wake
  • Help others or volunteer your time
  • Make plans, these can be small to begin with and within your comfort zone
  • Self care: this doesn’t need to be candle lit meals but can again start with brushing your teeth and having a shower.
  • Look at positive content online
  • Clean and declutter: my favourite is the cutlery draw as it only takes a minute to wipe it over but every-time you open it you feel a sense of achievement
  • Take it slow – life isn’t a race

I hope as you read this you can’t feel any shadows, I hope your life is lit up like a Christmas tree… but I promise that finding light in the darkest of time’s can be rewarding, just nobody said it would be easy.

Much love x

Whatever makes you find the sun from the inside out chase that

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Gemma Troy

Multitasking Mummy is currently in my sons piano lesson. Whilst I wait for him to find the middle C and test the patience of his teacher I had a thought. As someone with no musical talent – I feel super inspired to see a teacher pour out passion. He is a classical pianist and as a teacher I’m enjoying watching the sun in him shine.

When my son was first born, we as parents were his entire sun, moon and everything in between. As he learnt to talk, walk and move away he looked for his own light. As parents I see one of my priorities (beyond keeping him healthy and safe) to give him as many opportunities as possible. What he decides to do with these is entirely up to him.

I think allowing him to be himself and not projecting my sun light on him is hard. Motherhood gave me permission to be his spokes person, to voice what was best when he couldn’t speak. As he grows I need to learn when to speak and when to step back, allowing him to grow in his own truth.

However, despite its difficulties seeing him light up and finding his own sunlight is the largest reward. For myself I know where my inner light shines; good food, cuddles, yoga, beach walks and house plants are just a few. Writing also activates my internal light.

Make some time this week to shut out the world – the bright lights from everybody else’s joys and the chaos of sirens can often lead us down false pathways, to step inside yourself (although not literally as that would be really messy) and ponder the sunbeams that you hold inside, sometimes they are long forgotten activities – like sitting on a swing or colouring, you may be surprised in what you relearn about yourself, but I promise if you make time to chase the sun inside yourself, the outside world will glow with joy.

Hope is being able to see the light despite all of the darkness

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Desmond Tutu

The journey of life often brings uncertainty and darkness. One minute life is lit up like a joyful Christmas tree, the next an unexpected power cut plummets you into darkness.

Darkness can often be uncertain and you bump into things. I’d suggest anyone who finds themselves in the dark reaches for the light switch as soon as possible, call me the health and safety police but I’m not into bumping my head. If you are currently living in the shadows or grasp of darkness then you might think ‘easy for her to type’ and so I’d like you to know that darkness has knocked on my door, circumstances out of my control mean I’ve lived more of my nightmares than I’d care to mention and Ive also supported many young people in the most tragic of circumstances. However, this doesn’t make me a darkness expert; Ive learnt that each individuals darkness is unique to them.

My most recent darkness was my silent miscarriage, after a quick survey of the darkness I decided not to stay there. I reached for the light switch of hope. It’s not particularly stable and somedays it’s just out of my clutches, although I may not have much choice about the darkness I do have a choice about how I look at the dark.

It reminded me of a children’s book I enjoyed as a child and have shared with my son. ‘The owl who was afraid of the dark’ through the story the baby owl who fears the dark learns the joy of fireworks who’s beauty can’t be appreciated in full light. In my favourite chapter the owl learns to see and appreciate the stars. Then I remembered that if I looked outside of my initial darkness…the stars would light my way. Small beams of appreciation, hope allows me to see the light. Perhaps your dark past increases your empathy to others, a better listener or generally a kinder soul. 

At other times when I hear of other peoples darkness it makes mine seem more like i’ve got life on a dimmer switch. Of course, one persons tragedy doesn’t diminish somebody else’s feelings but I do think it sometimes gives situations a clearer perspective. 

Noted below are a few things that can make the light switch a little easier to find, most of them are free and I’m sure you’ve heard of them all before.

  • Keep a gratitude diary
  • Volunteer and help somebody else
  • pop on some music
  • go for a walk 
  • declutter a draw – my personal favourite it the cutlery draw, takes 2 minutes to wipe around yet every time I open the draw I feel like I’m winning
  • write down how you are feeling and then shred it or burn it. 
  • drink more water – we are after all complex plants with emotions
  • fake a smile – apparently the brain can tell the difference and the happy hormones will be released. 
  • Make a plan for tomorrow. This doesn’t need to be huge like a holiday (although they can be fun) 
  • try and get a good night sleep (I know this ones tricky)
  • practise self care: this doesn’t need to be a full facial and luxury bubble bath, just having a wash and brushing teeth is a good starting point 
  • Make your bed – this will require you to leave it 
  • remember that before you can step out of the tunnel, the light gradually increases with small bursts of light…so be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can.

If the darkness persists and you feel like you’re in the longest night of your life, make an appointment to see your GP or check out this link with helpful numbers and website for you to look at. Best wishes in finding a little more light. 

Take notice of what the light does – to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy and it translates from Latin to mean ‘light’ , when I was a child I had a key ring that said something corny like “you light up the room with your spirit and bring joy to all those you meet” whilst I’m not sure everyone I’ve met would agree it’s certainly something I think about when I’m in the company of new people. I try to sparkle, but it’s human nature to sometimes stick the dimmer switch on.

For me light goes hand in hand with life. In my mind I see biology lessons on photosynthesis and and the joy of brighter evenings in spring. I think of hope. Light also reminds me of truth; shining a light on the darker mysteries life can bring.

However, we all need contrast. Even this ray of sunshine Lucy needs her moments of dark. Too much of anything isn’t great. Paintings fade and plants dry out. Skin burns, life withers… that’s why I love this quote, taking notice of what the light does can mean truth, hope and love but it can also fade and kill.

Perhaps this quote isn’t about light at all. Perhaps it’s about recognising balance; when too much of a good thing becomes toxic or when too less is just as traumatic.

Life is about walking the fine line of contrast and experiencing the emotions that the good and bad bring, the light and the dark , it’s about playing in the shadows and please don’t forget all the many pigments in between. Diversity is rich when it is accepted and not divided.

This week take notice of what makes you light up, what friends make you feel lighter and also when you need the sanctuary of the moonlight, perhaps by watching the various spectrum that life offers you may need to whack on some factor fifty around individuals that burn like the midday sun. Whatever you do notice, Tess is right – act on what it tells you and you may just see a rainbow.

There is a strong shadow where there is much light 

~ Fridgesays ~ 44 Comments

Quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

To my little dude,

Our diary is always a whirlwind of dates, appointments and activity and there is a huge transition that is dominating the pages in September, you start school.

From the moment you were born and placed in my arms you have been transitioning, it has been a blessing to watch. I cannot underestimate this, many parents are worried for the loss of their babies, the independence of going to school can be concerning and I often hear comments like ‘It feels like only yesterday she was born’ or ‘He isn’t ready for school’ for you im excited to see your world grow and skills expand. I’m extremely at home in the school environment as Mummy is a teacher and this feels a blessing and a curse – I know the highs and lows like the back of my hand.

At four years old your humour is a magnet greater than any computer could create. Just this very evening we laid on your bed and you played me twinkle twinkle on your harmonica – it sounded dreadful, but your laughter was infectious as you broke out into a variation of the song which began twinkle, twinkle chocolate bar…” this is a gift that it precious, don’t let other children’s comments curve your humour.

At the moment you wear a combination of clothes and then you usually like to add an accessory or twenty from various Marvel characters, following fashion is fine but I’ll always support your creative flair and imagination.

I think you’ll like the staff and you already have many friends to play with in your class. You’ll have opportunities that I could never give you to socialise and learn, I really want you to grow in your own way, not with my regrets or desires forced upon you. To make this easier I’m going to make a few promises…

  • I promise not to make you do a extra curricular club because I did it, or Daddy did it…you can pick
  • I promise that as you learn to read, I will still read to you as long as you want
  • I promise to listen to you talk about your day, rather than hurl questions at you as I walk through the door
  • I promise you that as you grow older and forget things I will never drop a PE kit / lunch box to you, save your phone credit. Resilience and organisation are self taught by error.
  • I promise not to show my anxiety over your first few weeks at school.
  • I promise to help you in any way I can to fulfill your potential, but your happiness is paramount.
  • I promise to back you up when issues arise. As long as you are always honest with me.
  • I work full time and will rarely be at the gates, but if you need me I will always be there. I will also be there any time I can, when our school diaries don’t synchronise.

When you are older, we will look back at this September as a small step on a wonderful and exciting journey that you are taking. It’s not always a parents duty to be next to you, but I will always be a shadow.

Love you to the moon,

Mummy x

P.s. Good luck to the staff trying to get you to sit still and hold a pen.