If you choose to see it, magic indeed is everywhere. In this week’s blog I’m going to tell you about the hazelnut ‘tree’ but first let’s set a context. In the UK, with the exception of one blue sky joy day – it’s rained. Grey Sky’s, potholes and misery have taken over the landscape, the trees are bare and everything is muddy, miserable and did I mentioned it’s rained a lot?
In February and March the hazelnut bush or tree (the world seems divided on this) produces catkins that hang from its branches. You can pick a few for a cuppa – thanks to its magnesium, iron and calcium packed nutrients it’s super good for you, although does taste like your drinking ‘the outdoors’, recently I discovered that these are the male part of the plant…over dramatic and droopy they swing from the plant looking like fancy tree earrings but the magic is just behind the catkin…(if you peek and choose to see the magic) behind each catkin is the female part of the plant. Its tiny bud gets fertilised as the wind pushes the catkins pollen towards the bud. Seems like usual fertilisation? It is BUT the bud is beautiful! It’s like a red and pink tropical flower, it does not belong in rainy grey UK conditions, and most adults walk past it without even noticing it.
Since learning about the hazelnut tree I always make time to stop and check out the stunning flowers, blooming despite the grey and damp surroundings.
Perhaps this isn’t your abracadabra kind of magic, but looking for joy and unexpected delights is a way to increase the magic of March. Feel free to share in the comments below any my wish for you this week is that the pot holes of life aren’t on the roads you travel.
The things I love are: books, tea, stars, my car, disco balls, house plants, baking, cardigans, walking, art, theatre shows and hugs.
I’m not sure what this tells me? That I’m a sparkling, creative academic who likes pretty things…actually that’s probably true. It seems Thomas was correct. Not at all my intention for this post but I totally suggest you freely write a list of all to the things you love and see if it matches up with reality.
I’m unsure I like the word ‘things’ as I wanted to include people. When I think of love I think of the people that I care most about, animals and I guess perhaps walking and theatre aren’t things – perhaps things to do, so I altered the list slightly.
I think we are more than Thomas suggested, ‘we are’ the attributes of our behaviours – we are how we treat others, the values we push out into this discombobulated spinning planet. We are how we make others feel.
In death and traditional eulogies a whistle stop tour of events; birth, education, employment and marriage are mentioned. These are not who we are – these are what we did. I’ve personally never wept a tear because ‘Margaret worked in marketing for nineteen years’ but I have felt sorry for the loss of how others made me feel, kept me in mind.
We should tell people more. In life, we should share random moments of confirmation of how people made us feel. We could hand write notes, send texts or just tell people when we see them. ‘I’m a better person for knowing you because… I love you dearly because… or a simple cheers for always….’ in the month of the over priced flower, chocolate heaving Valentine’s Day that’s squished in the middle of February, instead of getting caught in the consumerism , reach out to those you are grateful for and share how you feel. Memories fade around things but how others make use feel transforms lives.
Approaching thirteen you asked me a question and I’m not sure I did the answer any justice. Instead, I’ve taken some time to scribble my words on the page and now I’m ready to share my answer.
You explained that the girls in your school are plastering on make up, drowning themselves in phenoxyethanol and benzophenomes (your high ability science and I don’t know what these are, but I get the gist), you told me the girls randomly stick mini stickers in the shape of stars, hearts and mushrooms that are meant to hide blemishes but as you eloquently point out, instead draw attention. You finish your confused monologue with ‘all to impress boys and Mum – we don’t like it’
This is what I wished I had said in that moment. It’s not about you. It’s never for boys.
My own story with makeup means you have seen very little modelled on your Mumma. I taught in an all girls school for over eleven years and began this in my mid twenties. I arrived at work daily with a face full of concealer, foundation, blush, mascara, sometimes eyeliner, sometimes eyeshadow and realised that as I preached at the front of the assembly hall on topics of self love, how as young women my girls should love themselves and not worry about others, I was hiding behind a mask myself. Realising my hypocrisy I scaled down my make up operation. I taught makeup-less most days, added concealer when required, a whisp of mascara when desired…but mainly I taught from a place of authenticity. I’m very blessed that my self love is high and doesn’t rely on external products. That isn’t the same for everyone.
Makeup can be fun and on a special occasion I will often use a variety of different shades to ‘enhance’ my features. That said, I have never once dressed or put makeup for boys. I don’t think your father notices if I wear mascara or not. I’m pretty certain he doesn’t, as I can come back from the hairdressers with a full head of highlights and he asks where I’ve been, it’s likely he doesn’t even know what mascara is. It’s never to attract boys, because you are right – generally, the male gaze isn’t keen on makeup.
The girls in your school are working out who they are. This is a deeply personal matter and society has added makeup as a step from girls world to womanhood. Like it or not, it’s there and it’s complex. For some it is a mask, it’s hides deep insecurities and for others it’s frivolous fun. Make up can come with a thousand connotations that as a boy – are none of your business.
If anything, the girls in your school are putting makeup on for other girls. I often dress for my female friends, I always dress to express and I always wear what I want…again with my content confidence I don’t worry about others nor if the outfit and the setting are appropriate and I’ve been cold more often that not because I always forget a coat and never dress practically. But I am happy…cold but happy. All of what I wear and how I present myself is my business.
The issue currently for you is that most girls are appalling at putting on makeup. Like, really bad. They are at the stabiliser part of riding a bike, it gets better in time but falling off in terms of makeup can look horrendous. If you had seen the drawn on eye brows of 2011 you to would have known where Crayola got this inspiration for the chiselled tip . In 2006 I taught in Essex and the fake orange tan smell across the school could put year nine boys to sleep – it may sound stereotypical but the previous white collared school shirts where autumnal shades of orange and brown were a very real thing. But it’s not your business. As their teacher it’s not my business.
What someone adds to their body is their concern only. All that matters is that you treat yourself with respect. By treating yourself with respect that in turn means you allow kindness to be spoken from your lips. If you see contours on a girls face that look like she’a playing cowboy and Indian’s – you do not need to say anything. You don’t even need to compliment a girl who has clearly invested hours of YouTube ‘how to’ videos and looks stunning…it’s still none of your business. You may become close to that girl or perhaps even be her boyfriend – still none of your business. Other peoples faces and fashions are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Instead, I can tell promise it gets better. The girls will take off their makeup stabilisers and learn how to blend, purchase the right products for them (and not something pushed by Tik-Tok algorithms ) in time the makeup in the room will feel less ‘loud’ to you. It’s just a phase and my gorgeous boy, puberty will have its own pathway for you, focus on you and always remain kind.
I have always had a strong dislike for car sales people, the reason is simple; they’ve always lived up to the stereotype of being pushy, arrogant and ultimately unhelpful. In the same way I’m not going to try and sell January to you. It’s bland skies, dark mornings and it feels naked, stripped from the tinsel and lights of December. I strongly believe January is for hibernating, staying home and resting. It’s not a season of dramatic change and that’s ok.
I’m now going to reframe January but don’t think I’m not aware of all the above, I’m not a car sales man and I’m not going to tell you that January will be amazing, only you can control that, we don’t have to hold the heavy weight of the new year either. After a December of social demands how lucky are we to have a slower paced month next. One that doesn’t demand or want, a month to quietly potter and plan…but demands little action. I’ve seen memes online about January having 2383 days in it and I agree it can feel long, especially if you were paid in early in December.
I am lucky that I don’t need to live pay check to pay check, I am lucky that I don’t desire to go out, content to snuggle down at home and happy to slowly step through January after the tornado of December. I think of January as an exhale. Of letting go, perhaps even with some light decluttering. As a huge lover of books January gives me time to immerse myself in literate and whilst I may be still, I’m thinking about spring, the year ahead and what I’d like to achieve – I’m just not taking action yet. How lucky are we. January is the dream month, the planning and the creative ideas coming together ready to launch but nothing that needs to begin today.
Often working people get the Sunday night blues and perhaps January is the Monday of the year. How lucky are we to have a fresh start. Mondays last just as long as the other six days and as we approach the end of our lives I’m sure we’d be grateful for every Monday we could gather, the same goes for Januaries.
Just because something doesn’t sparkle doesn’t mean there can’t be huge privilege within it. Rather than viewing the month with a heavy heart and a sense of blandness, look for the moments you can reframe and reflect the positive moments. Half way through the month now, it will soon pass – perhaps you can see you’ve already achieved something marvellous? Or perhaps you can find contentment in the stillness of this time. Whatever your own circumstances I urge you to reframe your world with a positive perspective, why? Because you are lucky you have the option to. Celebrate the small moments and I promise 2026 will be the year you flourish.
As we enter 2026 and pack away the Christmas glitz for another eleven months, we might be tempted to declutter our spaces. However, today’s post is about decluttering our energy.
I’m a huge fan of saging or using palo santo in my home. In fact there are many ways I reenergise my spaces. The woo woo meets science suggests that saging kills all energy leaving a blank surface, the bleach of the spiritual world so to speak. Palo santo just removes the negative energy, so is more like your kitchen disinfectant – a little less intense and leaves the positive energy behind. I use both depending on what I feel the space needs and whilst I cant scientifically prove it makes a difference, I can tell you it makes me feel like I’m taking action to improve my living space and energy, how I feel is often all I can control.
Another practice that I do is blow a pinch of cinnamon from the palm of my hand over the threshold of my front door, this is meant to invite money and abundance into my home, again no proof it works but it makes me happy.
Bridges are easier to burn but harder for people to do. If you don’t enhance my life (or those around me) I’m unlikely to contact you. If I’m the one always making contact, I will stop. It’s your loss.
When it comes to taking down bridges there are two aspects that often don’t get discussed. The first is that bridges can be rebuilt or upgraded. If you realise that a friend is no longer a joy but a burden, take the bridge down, if things alter you can always rebuild a new bridge, it might be smaller but friendships can be reestablished. When we discuss knocking down bridges and taking people out of our lives, we often think about the process like we blew the bridge up with nuclear weapons – never to return, in some cases this is useful but in others a little break can often allow you to reflect. Secondly, you get to decide what bridges you cross. You get to decide who you spend your time with. If we return to our bridge analogy then you are the toll booth manager. You say who crosses your bridge and when they can return, you also might need to complete repairs on your bridge eg. You both may need to reanalyse your relationship and give it the attention in needs. Bridge building is complex, much like relationships. Clear boundaries and communication are often important, less so that bridges perhaps.
Either way, as we begin a new year do what you need to ensure the space around you is positive. For some it maybe decluttering (always in my house), redecorating (always in my house) or making time to prioritise things that you want to achieve, be that eating less processed things, reducing sugar or exercising regularly. Whatever it is, always prioritise yourself.
December is certainly a period of both giving and receiving and my intention is to enjoy the magic the season has to offer but not at the expense of being a jerk.
Yesterday I went to Marks and Spencer’s for some last minute food bits, mainly double cream and items that need to be in date. In the stores defence it was the Saturday before Christmas…
Pulling into the car park was not a seasonal delight full of ‘good will to all men’ it was more like a scene from ‘Saving private Ryan’ and I realised it was every shopper for themselves. As I entered the store the front of the shop was packed with discounted vegetables and beyond it was wall to wall trolley trauma with couples bickering and over priced and over consuming items being purchased – sadly, most to landfill than tummy delight.
I made myself a little smaller, smiled sweetly and with extra love and politeness made my way to the checkout, perhaps if I role modelled good manners it might become contagious? Sadly, it didn’t catch on, head down I made my way to my car and called my partner to say whatever we didn’t have – we would go without. It wasn’t worth the Christmas chaos.
Driving home with my double cream secure, I reflected on the bizarre season and how it doesn’t always bring out the best in humans. My super skill is reframing situations, I decided to see gratitude for all the shop workers, farmers and factory employees it took to fill the store, the cards and well wishes I’d received in the last few weeks from loved ones, the time I’d spend with family and the opportunity to rest and reflect at the end of another blessed and productive year.
Take this season to give what you can to those that you want to share your time, attention and vegetables with. You’ll sleep soundly bathed in good karma and I’m not sure the birth of Jesus needs to over complicate a traditional Sunday roast? Love, kindness and discounted veg to all.
What a quote! Five words that can reframe a negative into a success is an incredible achievement, especially when two of the five words are ‘is’ and ‘in’ – so it won’t surprise you that at fridge head quarters I am taking this powerful quote and sharing a story about a cup of tea.
I went to a friend’s house to see her gorgeous family this week. Before I arrived she had text me her address and suggested I parked on her driveway. Having never been to her home before I checked when I arrived whether where I had parked (blocking their cars in) was convenient, it transpired that I would need to move as her husband needed to pop out for some milk, as this discussion took place I was aware I was letting the November cold into their home, so I closed the door and the decision was made that he would go a little later. Like all ‘need milk’ plans this didn’t occur whilst I visited.
After hugs and a good natter, my friend offered me a beverage and we relocated to the kitchen to make it. I drink a huge variety of herbal teas so I’m not fussy how my breakfast tea is served, as she went to get the milk we were reminded that her husband hadn’t yet been to the shop. Comfortable without milk, I said it didn’t matter.
As she went to the fridge she remembered she had some oat milk and kindly offered me some. what I experienced next was a taste sensation…the oat milk took my traditional British cuppa to the next level and I enjoyed it immensely.
The immense taste meant I found myself purchasing oat milk so that my homemade cuppa’s could be equal in joy – my friend is now an influencer.
As I drove home I reflected on the cuppa experience, no doubt she felt annoyed that she didn’t have the ingredients she needed to hand, yet the outcome far exceeded my expectations. I thought of all the recipes I’ve cooked where I have had substituted items and things have gotten better, I thought about the Einsteins of the world who have proven theories by error, or whilst on a mission to solve a issue have found solutions for other issues…
Every time I sip my oat milk tea I am reminded that by reframing moments we can enrich our lives, that we are all working progress and we are all a dash of oat milk away from being better. We can’t always control the outcomes of life but we can enjoy the glimmers of joy when they show up. This week stay open to new opportunities, try oat milk in your tea and look for ways to improve moments that present themselves as negative.
One of the beautiful things about my job is how varied it is. Someone I’m developing policies and working strategically to improve the efficiency for whole schools, year groups or working with individuals, aged sixteen and six foot tall or four years old and full of wisdom.
On Friday I found myself in a Reception classroom with little humans aged between four and five years old. It was the end of the day and the teaching team had the mammoth task of ensuring every small person had all of their personal items on them; Book bags, coats, packed lunch boxes, scarfs and gloves, a comfort teddy and a water bottle, a ruck sack…the next task what to get said items either in the ruck sack or on the little human, for them to waddle out of the door to the warm welcome of their parent or carer.
I did a sweep of the cloak area and found a black coat that a naive parent hadn’t labelled, it was black and purchase from Zara…as the adults looked for the little human without a coat we were struggling to reunite it. A little girl came over to me and prodded my thigh, for the purpose of this story I shall call her Bunches, as that was how her hair was styled. She said ‘I don’t have a coat’ – I showed ‘bunches’ the black Zara number and asked her if this was her coat, she thought for a while but her glaze didn’t convince me it was hers.
At that point a magisterial Muslim little girl came over and said in a patronising tone ‘Bunches, you wear that coat everyday, it’s YOUR coat!’
Bunches smiled at the Muslim little girl and pinched her cheeks ‘you are a cheeky chops’ she remarked, popped the coat on and returned to her space on the carpet. Myself and the other little girl were lost for words.
With the mystery of the abandoned coat seemingly resolved, I laughed at her response, imagining her parents responding with a cheeky chops affection.
Sometimes people (especially four year olds) don’t respond the way we think they may, sometimes people surprise you or in the case of Bunches, she certainly made me smile and giggle. In that moment she taught me a little bit of wisdom, always expect the unexpected and that guidance from friends is always welcome, even if she has cheeky chops.
As a crystal loving person and a self confessed positive princess this quote spoke to me.
As we head into winter, keeping our vibrations high is never more important. The weather is often not our friend, in the UK is too dark, too wet or too grey…I’m unsure what the best balance of grey is?
So this week I thought I’d keep it light and give you a few ways you can raise your energy and vibrations, these are all things I do for myself and my family to keep us sparkling into the warmer months.
Supplements: I alter my supplements to reflect what I need and as the changing season brings a darker world, the whole family takes vitamin D3. Vitamin D helps regulate the amount of calcium and phosphate in the body. In the warmer months the sun helps provide this and of course our diet can too, but who doesn’t like a little boost of sunlight in a capsule?
Walk but layer up: I know it’s cold and wet but try and get out. Autumns a beaut and the winter has charm. If you can get out, move those legs and get walking. Not only good for the muscle’s, circulation but somehow Mother Nature always lifts the spirits. Don’t forget to add some extra layers, the right clothing can make all the difference to your comfort.
Give a little: Whatever your love language is, don’t hibernate on it. Mine is baking, so when all I want to do is snuggle down and eat all of the carbohydrates…I make sure I give some to loved ones. Whilst the holiday season is upon us, we don’t need to wait for 25th December to give a little. Who doesn’t like to receive a warm loaf of bread for no reason?
Hugs are free: This is probably an all weather joy but look out for those that might be isolated or lonely during the colder months. A phone call can make someone’s day, a hug is even better. One family therapist has said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth” so whilst the natural world retreats, hug more and grow through the winter months. Oxitonsin is a joy chemical in our brains and hugs release this wonder chemical.
Lastly, retreat a little. Take it easy and wind down over the winter months. A slower pace that reflects the rhythm of nature is often beneficial for our souls. Recharge, eat well and if a nap in-front of a fire presents itself – dive in.
I feel like before I write this blog I should pay tribute to my British heritage and mention that a cup of tea can solve most problems…but if you are looking to enrich your life, I’d recommend a cheeseburger.
This is the tale of solace and not about burgers at all, so if you are a vegan keep reading and perhaps you’ll find your own alternative. As a household we eat well, I make most of our food from scratch, we aren’t huge snackers and we eat limited quantities of processed food, when creating dinners I am conscious to remove additives that are unnecessary and go to lengths to ensure we eat as many whole foods as possible.
Then there are cheeseburgers.
After the death of my daughter, I had existed on hospital food for far too long. It was just after 5pm when we left the hospital and we (myself and my partner) were driving home feeling everything and nothing. There are moments in life when you can’t explain how you are feeling, simply because the devastation you are holding is beyond human vocabulary. On the way home we drove through the Golden Arches and purchased a meal each. For as long as I can remember I’ve always ordered a double cheeseburger. But that cheeseburger hit a whole new level of nostalgia and taste sensation. Of course, it was a highly processed, low nutrient and a toxic standard product…I imagine it was all of these things that my empty shell needed in that moment. Many women after giving birth recall the white toast and butter served by the NHS the greatest food they’ve ever had. I’m not sure it has any gourmet greatness, it’s just an exhausted woman will find joy in sugar, fats and carbs.
That burger was sixteen years a go and grief process is still one that I’m learning to live alongside…with the help of a cheeseburger.
This is a photo of me in the drive through yesterday.
When the world becomes too much and my adult life is forced into overwhelmed I take myself for a secret cheeseburger.
Yesterday was no different. The Mr had gone out for a dog walk and my son was in his room playing…I knew it was a burger moment, so I called out that I was popping out. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and I didn’t purchase food for anyone else. Just a single burger (in my case a double cheeseburger), I drove to the arches, ordered via the drive through, ate my burger on the journey home and carried on my day like nothing had happened.
What’s actually occurring on that fifteen minute expedition is solace. I’m giving myself a small gap in my busy world to serve myself. To reconnect with grief and say ‘I see you, I feel you’ and I honour it with a good taste…a cheers to the universe if you like. I don’t need to talk, I do need to be alone and I do need to not serve anyone else. If I had my burger but also got things for everyone at home that wouldn’t serve its purpose, as a working parent all I do is juggle the running home/ work balance and it involves meal planing and pouring nutrients into my ever growing family…as you can see from the photo I’m not emotional, although wet tear filled cheeseburgers have been consumed in the past. What it’s about is prioritising myself. Being alone and not worrying about upsetting anyone else. Catching up with what I need and it’s often not about the burger at all, it’s about being with me, feeling what I need to feel and moving on.
Cheeseburger expeditions can be once or many times a year and never at a particular anniversary- they are always random at random times of day or night – grief never invites itself, it engulfs you during the most mundane tasks. I’ve never explained myself or felt the need to share the experience. It’s just a moment, a fifteen minute pause on life’s ever to do list, but often enough to allow me to return to my family content and rebalance.
Hugs are great and the company of my loved ones is always a welcome addition, even a good cry can be hugely beneficial for the soul, but sometimes (for me anyway) a cheeseburger can get me back on track. cheeseburgers make everything better, like a plaster on a cut knee.
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