happiness

Take note of what the light does, to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy. It means ‘of the light’ so it will be no surprise that I’m a huge fan of anything sparkly, glittery or shiny. I’ve always been fond of observing the stars on a clear night. I’m also partial to a string of fairy lights all year around.

That said, I was speaking with a friend about seasons today and summer isn’t my favourite. Sure, it’s the lightest but I adore a sunny cold morning, a crisp Autumn day where you can see spider webs glisten and the light bounces off of the autumnal leaves. This led me to realise that I actually prefer balance. I adore starry nights with black backgrounds, I enjoy things that sparkle the best when the light shines on dark areas – much like a disco ball hanging over a dance floor. Perhaps my middle name should be contrast? Living in the UK I am blessed to have annual experience of the four seasons and they each play a part, often we need the dark to see the light, just as we need the cold to feel the warmth.

In dark times, humour offers much needed light. Shadows can be beautiful too but often fade and need sunlight to sustain them. During the winter/holiday season you may be tricked by the light. Dazzled by sparkle and awe. Shop windows may entice you in and it’s easy to be eaten whole by consumer culture. Or you can take a step back, appreciate the glitter and lights that line most high streets, the Christmas trees lit up in windows and make time for family and friends. You can also take a day off, tell the world you are busy and snuggle under the duvet with your favourite snacks and films. This is often called self care, but I think it actually allows you to see the light. Time alone is hugely under rated, time being by yourself means you can do whatever you want – you feel lighter for it and can but down the burden of carrying others, even if just for an hour or so.

As summer draws to an end and darker evenings will begin, I am going to focus on the light particularly when it arrives in the darker moments. From light hearted moments, to eyes lit up by magic, light can be your warmest friend but too much can burn you. It’s essential that we seek balance rather than look endlessly for the joy in life. I also believe that we attract what we put our focus on, so recognising when we’re not okay but also asking what we need to feel lighter is another way we can restore balance rather than being absorbed by sadness. That said, we still have a few weeks of summer left, so bask in the sun whilst it lasts and enjoy the lighter evenings.

That it will never come again, is what makes life so sweet.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Emily Dickinson

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and if we are blessed it’s just far enough that we can learn from it, but not so close that it pierces our soul and destroys us.

On Friday 31st May a friend died.

She is a mother, too central to this world. Her family needs her and like most deaths I’m perplexed that the world is still spinning?

I knew her from my previous job setting. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, my favourite thing about her was her humour; it was dark, loud, brash and epic.

This morning I woke early around 5am and went downstairs to read. It’s a book I’ve been reading for a while called Tom Lake. I turned the page and her name was the first word I read. Emily. Whilst it gave me comfort I’m sure even in death she’s busy supporting her family but the idea that her spirit might of given me a cheeky wink pleased me immensely. You see, when it comes to grief and the after life ‘to be or not to be’ it’s really all about if I believe, that’s all that matters. If the person grieving receives peace – that’s the gift.

Usually, my posts aren’t so personal but it seems the world is going to continue to spin, so I’m processing her loss in the written word. I guess we all find our methods.

Emily recently taught me some lessons:

When she shared her diagnosis, she gave a background, mainly of not feeling well but never ‘having time’ to get checked out. This irony is not lost on me. By the time she had gone to the GP (Doctor surgery in the UK) her prognosis was beyond comprehension. As a full time working parent I resonate with often not prioritising my own health. I instantly made two appointments, a routine Smear and a physio appointment, both overdue. My shoulder hasn’t been happy for some time but it gives me little to no discomfort so I ignored it. If this was my child I would never neglect his health. How ridiculous that I often write about self love and self care but had delayed making these appointments.

A good bra is worth it: About eight years a go I bought a white bra from Next. When I got home, I went to follow my usual protocol of cutting away any labels, but as I looked down my bra was called Emily. I left the label as it made me smile – who knew a bra could have a name. The next day wearing said bra I walked into her office and lifted up my top proudly to announce to Emily that my bra was named after her! She was taken back and we laughed at my randomness and delight in a label. When her prognosis became terminal I reminded her that my bra was still being worn. With her incredible humour she responded with laughter at our fond memories ‘haha you silly bean. Thank you for making me giggle’

It’s my belief that Emily was a disco ball. She was a reflection of laughter and beauty, plus she loved a party. Life often cracks us along the way, but a disco ball continues to sparkle despite its breaks, it’s both whole and many pieces. It makes sense that the spirit world would want a disco ball? Shine bright dearest Emily and may your family be drenched in love and blessings in the days, months and years to come. I already miss you terribly.

You can’t rush something you want to last forever

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

I saw this quote in a magazine, it was in the background on a photograph of quotes hanging on a wall with a celebrity posing in front.

It made me think what I would like to last forever; health, my favourite flavour crisp, financial security, love, gravity… forever is a long time, and with a human life span almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.

In marriage ceremonies people often exchange ‘forever’ vows that can end up in divorce. Much of the data around marriages and divorces is currently unreliable due to the impact of the lockdowns. The highest year for marriages in the UK was 1972 – 426,241 couples married that year. In 2019 it had declined by 48%. Of course the topic hugely varies with many factors from cultural, ethnic, age and regions with variations in patterns across the UK. In terms of our topic of ‘forever’ some say that despite divorce, love can sometimes transcend the court papers. The other issue is defining love is hugely variable between individual’s.

That said, in the UK we are very good at building castles, buildings that stand for centuries. Whilst Germany has the most castles in Europe, Wales has the most per square mile and England has over 1,500. When you look at the ‘castle’ classification list you see that for a building to be classified as a castle in needs a certain number of bricks and that’s when it hit me!

Foundations. These often last forever, or beyond a human life span, far less fickle than love. As we reflect on the week ahead what foundations have you laid for future generations? I’m not talking pestle and mortar (unless you built your house which I think is very cool) but what will be your legacy? The great news is you’ve already begun laying it and you’ll continue until the day you die.

How you treat people, how you make them feel and of course the support you give are often how we recall loved ones who had passed away. You can’t rush a legacy because it’s ongoing, ever moving and not always our ‘best work’ – much like UK divorce rates, individual relationships vary and that’s ok. With each new day you lay another brick on your structure, you can’t rush the important pieces and you can’t rush the sections that make you feel uncomfortable. Building a life takes a life time, that too unprecedented and hugely varying in length. So make sure you use the time you do have wisely and add a sparkly brick every now and then.

Sometimes you’ll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory

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Quote by D Seuss

Moments come and moments go. Sometimes frightfully as our basal ganglia and cerebellum kick in to action and we drive our cars on a familiar journeys, arrive at a destination and have little memory of how we got there?

Other moments stay in our core and it’s these id like to take a moment to think about. You may have seen online or even read my blog on glimmer moments (Click here to read) but I had a wonderful core moment when making a bolognaise for dinner that I’d like to share.

I was listening to a podcast and making dinner, thinking about the next steps of turning the bolognaise in front of me into a lasagne. I suddenly remembered that earlier that morning I’d made a loaf of sourdough. I cut off the edge (absolutely the best part of a fresh loaf in my humble opinion) and dipped it into the bolognaise. It’s important that I share that I’m not a ‘picker’ when I cook so this felt indulgent and not something I’d usually think to do. As I squeezed the crusted edge between my fingers and carefully wiped around the edge of the pan I suddenly remembered my Mum and I doing the exact same thing when I was a child!

My hippocampus lit up like a Christmas tree. I felt absolute joy and comfort as my long term memories, these deep core memories came to the forefront. I could see myself by the side of my Mum fighting for ‘the best bit’ like school children. Whispering so that my Dad didn’t know what we were up to, which is hilarious in retrospect as he wouldn’t be bothered and doesn’t eat bolognaise, trying not to burn our fingers and usually always grabbing another piece of bread to share.

Childhood is often made of these wholesome moments. Whether it’s the smell of crayons or freshly cut grass, the taste of a particular sweet treat or a song on the radio that takes you back to the ‘live concert’ you gave to millions of invisible fans in your childhood living room as you belt out Whitney Houston’s ‘Wanna Dance with somebody’ from the bottom of the earths core to the tip of your tongue. I realised that they rarely cost anything, but a little time, a lot of laughter and in my case, an extra slice of bread and a huge bowl of bubbling bolognaise.

If noticing moments of joy in everyday life are referred to as ‘glimmer moments’ then perhaps connecting with core moments of joy from your past should be refered to as sequins. Large, round sparkly core memories sewn together to make your individual life’s tapestry. Whether it’s photographs from an album, mini recordings on your phone, old journals or causally making a bolognaise on a Saturday evening, I hope your future holds more sequins to come and your past is a glittering reflection of core joy, keep sparking.

My sequin moment

Every end is a new beginning

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Quote Anon

There are many ends to many things, some set in stone and others supported by time and how we’ve evolved. Sunday marks the end of the week, each month has a last day, the year ends on 31st December in my part of the world. Other calendars in other places believe new year occurs at a different calendared date, but beginning always follows suit.

Birth is often recognised as a new beginning, despite the foetus existing long before. Some people believe that death is the end, whilst others believe it’s a transition into another realm. During life’s journey we aren’t always sure when things will end. Often this is out of our control.

Growing up in the UK has meant that certain birthdays also signified beginnings. 13yrs meant you were now ‘officially’ a teenager and 18 an adult. Exams in education once again helped you see your next step; once you’d completed your GCSEs it was time to decide your A levels or perhaps venture into the world of vocational qualifications and apprenticeships. I also remember ‘running out’ of educational steps and being very aware that now I had to get a job, that my steps had come to an end and that a new beginning dawned.

Having lived in the real world for some time now, I have learnt that it generally sucks. That nothing is fair, very little is clear and that most of the rules of society make little to no sense to me. What I’ve also learnt is that we can all make choices. That wherever we begin and wherever we end up…in between we’ll have choices along the way and we decide how we feel.

What do we have? In the now we exist fully with all of the decisions that have gone before us and all of the consequences that has been set in motion. We can worry about the ends, we can often start new beginnings but hopefully by now you have realised that these are tentative, subjective and vague. Now…we have. Now we can feel, smell and touch.

Society distracts us with ‘end goals’ and ‘starting afresh’ when actually our life is made up of hundred and thousands of nows, sprinkled across our life time like cake toppings. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m unsure anyone does? But, feeling good in the now often produces positive consequences. Seeing the good often enhances the good in others now and walking away from anything that has caused us negatively in the past often allows positive results in the future.

You are reading this post in the now. I hope that now you are smiling, happy or glad that the current ‘now’ reminded you of all that you are in this very moment. Don’t be distracted by the starts and ends that society often shows us, that perhaps we’ve not nailed or missed altogether. Instead, appreciate the now, feel good in the now and repeat. The results will be a life well lived, and that’s much more than most people dream of, the endings often take care of themselves.

When I grow up I am going to be a Mermaid.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Direct quote from me, said many times in the last forty years.

I wasn’t sure what to write about today? Usually a theme or a quote inspires me. So I asked my son what I should write about, he said “Mermaids, your imagination and the power that it can possess” and I was like ‘Dam boy’ that’s an awesome idea!

So, cosy up and I’ll tell you all about Mermaids. When I grow up I will be a Mermaid in tropical clear waters (nobody is signing up for murky and cold North seas!) because every day will be a good hair day. I will swim around and explore the sea, collect shells (because shells are joy) and if Disneys Ariel taught me anything, I’ll probably chat with my fish friends and sing epic songs about ‘thing-amey-bobs’, I think about my Mermaid life more than an adult with a mortgage and responsibilities should. Why? Because it’s fun! And a mortgage and responsibilities often aren’t.

I think it’s why I’m also a huge reader, fiction takes you to far away places and usually the main character in a book has a different set of problems to you. Even better, unlike friends and families problems when you close the book, you don’t need to worry or try to help the main character and even better, 9/10 by the end of the book the characters issue has been resolved or they’ve made peace with it.

I wrote often about how I feel ‘play’ is important for everyone’s mental health and I think escapism and your imagination is a powerful tool that we can all use. Often society talks about negative thought patterns but doesn’t tell you about the joy of thinking about being a Mermaid.

Thoughts don’t always need to be shared. Nobody can steal them from you. They are both priceless and worth millions all at the same time. In our hum drum routines it’s easy to become caught up in our own dull drama. We also, as humans tend to live in cycles of similar patterns (eg. We don’t learn our lessons and often repeat patterns of behaviour even though they make us unhappy) we also tend to invite similar people into our lives and that isn’t always in our best interest.

In my imagination I can be free of daily distractions, I can also dream about how I want things to be. That might be thinking about how I’d like my garden to look or a car upgrade or in my case…tropical seas and Mermaid vibes.

Make some time this week for your imagination, be guided by your inner child or pick up a book and let your imagination shine as the Author becomes your tour guide. I always think my imagination is my best asset, a free gift that keeps on giving.

Don’t stress, do your best, forget the rest

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

It’s exam time in the UK for GCSE pupils and upper KS2. In our house this means a week of SATs exams for my son and a week of invigilation for me. I’ll be driving around the county and making unwelcome visits to office staff in Primary schools (office staff don’t like you if they don’t know you’re coming) to check exam packs and secured correctly, exam spaces meet criteria and ticking off many boxes on many forms…

The advice I’ll give the schools and the advice I’ll give my son is the same.

Don’t stress: Being a little worried, anxious or excited about exams can be a good thing. It can help motivate, focus and fuel your adrenaline in a positive way. Being stressed is a step too far, it can send your body into a negative cycle leading to sickness and brain freeze, may mean you can’t think to complete your exams. Unfortunately reading ‘don’t stress’ isn’t that helpful, instead sleep, nutrient/ hydration and knowing that you’ve revised means you walk into the exam knowing all you can do is your best.

Do your best: You can’t control external factors such as the weather, or what questions will be asked, you can’t do anything about circumstances occurring in your family. You can enter the exam space and for that hour give it your best with the circumstances you walked in with. To do this you need to slow down, read the questions and pause before you write your answer. Most marks are lost because people have misread and interpreted what the question is asking due to rushing. You can only do you, leaving the space knowing you couldn’t have done better is a wonderful feeling.

Forget the rest: My advice that students often ignore, is try not to chat about the exam before or after with friends. Everyone saying it felt easy when you’ve just struggled in the exam doesn’t make you feel confident for your next exam and nor does hearing comments like ‘what about the question on the back page?’ And you’re thinking what back page??? Despite these comments amongst friends often being well meaning my advice is to avoid any exam speak. Only you need to know how you feel things went or will go. Worrying about an exam that’s finished doesn’t improve the exam results, it just makes you feel stressed. Instead, make a quick exit or pop in your earphones and listen to some music, so you can focus on you.

As someone that inspects the exam process I’d also like to remind you that the teams organising it have done this before. Its important that the exam process is conducted according to protocol otherwise the exams would loose meaning, but any issues you may have will have occurred before, so share worries or concerns in advance.

The great news is that if you are worried, it’s often because you care.

Exams are a tiny moment that can’t possible capture all of your greatness and talents, they don’t reveal values such as patience, kindness or empathy. They can often be retaken and with regard to SATS these let county council know how good the quality of teaching is and are not a reflection on the child. Most children won’t even look at their results. So don’t stress, do your best. That is always good enough.

He wasn’t hungry he was starving…

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Quote McGinest (Patriots)

When it comes to mindset and achieving goals, there are often phases around being ‘hungry for it’ and when I heard that McGinest described that to be a top athlete it wasn’t enough to hungry, that you had to be starving it resonated with me.

I should probably add that I am in no way any type of athlete…in fact trainers are for complimenting jeans and a range of coloured sweatshirt and there is limited sweating occurring in said sweatshirts. However, I have been blessed to witness greatness around me, to have been a small part of the journey it took for those around me to reach goals and achieve.

They aren’t my goals to share but I can share the moments that have stuck with me. One of my friends is currently planning a trip to the Artic. He can’t sail and he doesn’t have a boat but I’m not sure that’s going to stop him? He does complete ultra marathons and he did thrive a life altering injury in his twenties – so in his 50s of course he’s going to set sail! At the moment he is currently saving for the boat, the sacrifices I witness him make, the painstaking detail of how he even approaches finance is insane and relentless. He’s plan is thorough and he is often sacrificing the now to make room for the dream.

Another friend has run competitively at national standard, she’s still competing after two children and her personal bests are improving all of the time. We were in Milan on a girlie weekend in our twenties and made our way to the hotel, it was an odd time of day, late afternoon and I suggested we chilled and then strolled into town for dinner. Whilst I was ‘chilling’ she was running around Milan….on holiday, in the heat, our plane only touching down an hour or so earlier and she had no idea about the route or area we were staying in. Her goals were never off track (forgive the pun) and she’s always been driven.

Whilst I can’t say I’d want to travel too far from home in death defying circumstances and I’m certainly only interested in Olympic triumph from my sofa, I have found that the people I surround myself by have infiltrated my own life. Goals can be achieved with a little elbow grease, a plan and the will not to be distracted. Society sets us up for many skill sets but it doesn’t often teach us how to achieve our dreams. Perhaps like me your dreams aren’t as large as the ones I’ve touched on, but perhaps you do have a goal that could possible turn into a regret without action. This post isn’t about how to achieve it, it’s just a nudge to remind you that you are your priority and that a step in the right direction may help build momentum to a fulfilled life. That’s worth striving for.

If it’s still on your mind, it’s worth the risk

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Quote Anon

Mostly, I write to remind myself of lessons I need to learn, sometimes I write to capture lessons I’ve learnt so that you the reader don’t have to, today I’m writing for you. Perhaps you have a risk that won’t leave your mind. A step you’ve considered taking and have reasons not to take. This post is for you.

I’d like to tell you how I climb the highest mountain in the world even though everyone said I couldn’t…alas, this is not my story. Mine is a lot less riskier but I’m hoping the moral may resonate with you.

Yesterday I was at home and really wanted to eat some chip shop chips. No other would do, my son suggested getting some from the freezer and adding cheese on top. Whilst I know the value of cheesy chips – I also know that when I really want something and it won’t leave my mind I have to make it happen.

After about forty five minutes the thought hadn’t left my mind, I turned a podcast on – of course they were discussing chip shop chips! I took that as my sign, I jumped in my car (invited my family but they were all content at home and thought my need for chips was a little insane) and drove to the nearest chip shop.

I parked up and walked to the shop, I asked for them to be opened, meaning I could eat them immediately. I added a ridiculous amount of salt and vinegar on to them (if we’re doing something then let’s do it properly) I then strolled down the street content, at ease and extremely happy, I ended up walking past my car and following the river edge, as I walked I made a list of all of the things I was grateful for (number one was my bag of chips) and felt content. I stopped at a swing park and popped my empty wrapper in the bin, sat on the swing and felt content. Content on a swing is even better, you’re at peace and you’re flying…it’s a win win situation.

I headed to the car, rang some friend’s and drove home. My little detour lunch trip allowed me to come home revitalise and I carried on with my day. Sometimes a spontaneous solo date is what your soul needs and sometimes it’s chips. In my case it was both.

The risks were low but I’m hoping sharing this silly story inspires you to live bravely, to serve your dreams, your ideas and commit to achieving what you want to do. Often if an idea keeps on replaying there is something in it, looking back I’m unsure if mine was about chips at all? Perhaps I needed a dash of alone time, to get out of the house, a walk in nature…or perhaps I did need chips? We don’t have any guarantees in life, we don’t know when our last chapter may end, but we can eat the chips if we have take action and make it happen.

*the writer of the post takes no responsibility for you the reader now craving a bag of chips, or going on to live an inspired and awesome life.

Don’t wait for the opportunity- create it.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

This blog post was inspired by one of my tribe, I was telling her a tale over the phone and she said ‘Lucy, that’s a blog post’ despite me sounding insane, here it is…

Sometimes we can alter things that no longer serve us, stale relationships or toxic work environments…other things like paying bills and most adult responsibilities still have to be done. I deal with the miserable moments by reframing them, it doesn’t change the action but it changes the way I feel towards the action. Below is the story I shared with my friend.

I really hate putting diesel in my car. It feels like invisible money is being consumed and it’s not the actual act (of getting out of the car and filling the car up) that I dislike it’s paying for ‘pointless things like Diesel’ – I should probably note here, that I’m totally aware that without said product my car won’t run, it’s a necessity and as my job requires me to drive to various places and I opted to live in the countryside – fuel allows accessibility and is an essential…but my inner child just thinks it’s a terrible way to spend money and often a lot of money.

Last year I purchased my dream car. I talk to her all of the time, out loud and as if she were a person. Notice ‘she’ has pronouns and yes I’m that person that named my car. * not all cars, only the ones I truly love.

Last week I was coming out of work and had been in the office all day, as I approached my car I said aloud ‘ooo I love that you waited for me here all day – thank you, I do hope you had a lovely day too’ at which point a man (no idea who he was) said ‘it’s been ok’ – of course he would assume I was talking to him, we were the only two humans in the carpark, my then British upbringing quickly allowed me to reply ‘I’m pleased – and I do hope you have a lovely long Easter weekend’ *cringe. Obviously like any sane woman myself and my car had a good laugh when I was safely locked inside.

I digress, back to the pumps – even with a car I adore, I still hate paying for fuel. It actually makes me feel sad and even if my boyfriend is kind enough to fill it up for me, I still feel naff about the fuel and money situation.

So, I reframed it. I now give my car a once a fortnight vitamin top up. She has a full tank of vitamin B7 that helps her run efficiently, she deserves it, she’s earned it, she’s a legend and deserves the best. I would happily give her a spa day… if she wasn’t a car. I also use to go weekly to top up, but although I don’t run the fuel low (she’s a Queen after all), I find limiting the ‘vitamin top ups’ also helps to raise my positive vibration. Honestly, buying diesel now isn’t an issue like it was.

If you’ve read this far and are worried for my sanity, I fully understand why. I think the fact I know I play games (totally race cars on duel carriage ways that don’t know we’re racing, always thank green lights when they are in my favour….always thank red lights – they’re slowing me down preventing me from coming to harm in the future if I hadn’t stopped) in my head and I’m aware that not everybody else does is ok. Mainly, because everyone else looks a little miserable and for all my faults, I’m honestly a genuinely happy person.

If you’re able to take advice from a lady that talks to her car, then my advice is simple. If you have a chore of part of your universe that gets you down – think about how you can reframe it for a positive. I briefly mentioned the thanking lights game, however often when I stop at lights I see frustrated drivers, sometimes even angry drivers behind the wheel due to a red light stopping their flow – that can’t be healthy for themselves or other drivers on the road? A quick reframe can make a mundane task a little more bearable. Enjoy.