happiness

You’re a cheeky chops

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

One of the beautiful things about my job is how varied it is. Someone I’m developing policies and working strategically to improve the efficiency for whole schools, year groups or working with individuals, aged sixteen and six foot tall or four years old and full of wisdom.

On Friday I found myself in a Reception classroom with little humans aged between four and five years old. It was the end of the day and the teaching team had the mammoth task of ensuring every small person had all of their personal items on them; Book bags, coats, packed lunch boxes, scarfs and gloves, a comfort teddy and a water bottle, a ruck sack…the next task what to get said items either in the ruck sack or on the little human, for them to waddle out of the door to the warm welcome of their parent or carer.

I did a sweep of the cloak area and found a black coat that a naive parent hadn’t labelled, it was black and purchase from Zara…as the adults looked for the little human without a coat we were struggling to reunite it. A little girl came over to me and prodded my thigh, for the purpose of this story I shall call her Bunches, as that was how her hair was styled. She said ‘I don’t have a coat’ – I showed ‘bunches’ the black Zara number and asked her if this was her coat, she thought for a while but her glaze didn’t convince me it was hers.

At that point a magisterial Muslim little girl came over and said in a patronising tone ‘Bunches, you wear that coat everyday, it’s YOUR coat!’

Bunches smiled at the Muslim little girl and pinched her cheeks ‘you are a cheeky chops’ she remarked, popped the coat on and returned to her space on the carpet. Myself and the other little girl were lost for words.

With the mystery of the abandoned coat seemingly resolved, I laughed at her response, imagining her parents responding with a cheeky chops affection.

Sometimes people (especially four year olds) don’t respond the way we think they may, sometimes people surprise you or in the case of Bunches, she certainly made me smile and giggle. In that moment she taught me a little bit of wisdom, always expect the unexpected and that guidance from friends is always welcome, even if she has cheeky chops.

Cheeseburgers make everything better

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Fridgesays

I feel like before I write this blog I should pay tribute to my British heritage and mention that a cup of tea can solve most problems…but if you are looking to enrich your life, I’d recommend a cheeseburger.

This is the tale of solace and not about burgers at all, so if you are a vegan keep reading and perhaps you’ll find your own alternative. As a household we eat well, I make most of our food from scratch, we aren’t huge snackers and we eat limited quantities of processed food, when creating dinners I am conscious to remove additives that are unnecessary and go to lengths to ensure we eat as many whole foods as possible.

Then there are cheeseburgers.

After the death of my daughter, I had existed on hospital food for far too long. It was just after 5pm when we left the hospital and we (myself and my partner) were driving home feeling everything and nothing. There are moments in life when you can’t explain how you are feeling, simply because the devastation you are holding is beyond human vocabulary. On the way home we drove through the Golden Arches and purchased a meal each. For as long as I can remember I’ve always ordered a double cheeseburger. But that cheeseburger hit a whole new level of nostalgia and taste sensation. Of course, it was a highly processed, low nutrient and a toxic standard product…I imagine it was all of these things that my empty shell needed in that moment. Many women after giving birth recall the white toast and butter served by the NHS the greatest food they’ve ever had. I’m not sure it has any gourmet greatness, it’s just an exhausted woman will find joy in sugar, fats and carbs.

That burger was sixteen years a go and grief process is still one that I’m learning to live alongside…with the help of a cheeseburger.

This is a photo of me in the drive through yesterday.

When the world becomes too much and my adult life is forced into overwhelmed I take myself for a secret cheeseburger.

Yesterday was no different. The Mr had gone out for a dog walk and my son was in his room playing…I knew it was a burger moment, so I called out that I was popping out. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and I didn’t purchase food for anyone else. Just a single burger (in my case a double cheeseburger), I drove to the arches, ordered via the drive through, ate my burger on the journey home and carried on my day like nothing had happened.

What’s actually occurring on that fifteen minute expedition is solace. I’m giving myself a small gap in my busy world to serve myself. To reconnect with grief and say ‘I see you, I feel you’ and I honour it with a good taste…a cheers to the universe if you like. I don’t need to talk, I do need to be alone and I do need to not serve anyone else. If I had my burger but also got things for everyone at home that wouldn’t serve its purpose, as a working parent all I do is juggle the running home/ work balance and it involves meal planing and pouring nutrients into my ever growing family…as you can see from the photo I’m not emotional, although wet tear filled cheeseburgers have been consumed in the past. What it’s about is prioritising myself. Being alone and not worrying about upsetting anyone else. Catching up with what I need and it’s often not about the burger at all, it’s about being with me, feeling what I need to feel and moving on.

Cheeseburger expeditions can be once or many times a year and never at a particular anniversary- they are always random at random times of day or night – grief never invites itself, it engulfs you during the most mundane tasks. I’ve never explained myself or felt the need to share the experience. It’s just a moment, a fifteen minute pause on life’s ever to do list, but often enough to allow me to return to my family content and rebalance.

Hugs are great and the company of my loved ones is always a welcome addition, even a good cry can be hugely beneficial for the soul, but sometimes (for me anyway) a cheeseburger can get me back on track. cheeseburgers make everything better, like a plaster on a cut knee.

*administer burgers at your own discretion

Listen to the birds not the news

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

Half way through the year and I can feel myself needing a pause. Not a holiday, or a distraction. Just time to revisit my goals and pause the pace of life. What did I want to achieve? Do those things still resonate? What is it that I truly desire? All large questions that can’t always be given the time during the hustle and bustle of the working week.

As a result, this morning I took myself off with a morning brew and sat in the sun. I listened to the birds – they had much to say and I let my mind wander. I can’t say I ‘thought’ as much as allowed the fleeting moments to pass.

I ended up grabbing a pad and pen and revisiting some of the larger questions mentioned earlier. I didn’t get caught up in the why or the how, I just let my pen float and the bird song did the rest.

After twenty minutes I felt rejuvenated, focused and ready to play the game of life. We had family plans and so I jumped back into family life. Later that evening we sat in the garden to eat dinner (a rare but always welcome occasion in the UK) and the bird song reoccurred. It was then that I realised what a luxury it was to pause life and how essential it was to listen to the birds, to listen to your inter voice and to close of the world’s distraction.

We don’t always need to escape but it’s essential that we pause. Sometimes routines can enhance our lives but at other times they can become so habitual that they no longer serve the current version of ourselves. I can see why writers often take themselves out of their homes to a cafe or park, a change of scenery or a brief break from our normal schedule can make all the difference in our lives. Whilst today I feel like the bird song background choir helped me process my vision, I’ve also reflected on my morning routine and how I can enhance my outcomes. Should you be blessed with a morning of sun, grab a drink and some paper/pen, it might just make your morning and it could change your life.

Everything is a choice

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Having a choice feels free and exciting, it means you are in control and as humans we like to be (or like to think) we are in control. That said, as an adult I have the choice of choosing what my family eats EVERY DAY and it’s exhausting! Some choice opportunities are better than others.

At times, life can give us multiple choices that again, can become overwhelming and sometimes that smallest of choices can drain our souls (did I mention picking my families menu for the week?)

We can also feel like we don’t have a choice and that can be just as terrifying. The quote suggests that we always have a choice and whilst I agree I think it’s important to remember that nothing in life is ever simple. Let’s take the scenario that you’re in a cafe and the waitress brings you over a latte, only you ordered tea. You may think you can’t do anything about it but this small issue can be altered by many different outcomes, here’s a few choices you could consider;

  • Drink the latte
  • Look confused and hope the waitress has telepathically worked out the error
  • Order a new beverage
  • Politely remind the waitress of your order and ask for her to take the latte back and bring you a tea
  • Sulk – but do nothing
  • Leave without drinking anything

You may think you don’t have a choice, your social etiquette and anxiety may prevent you from doing anything but that in itself doesn’t stop the choice being there.

Outcomes are something that we sometimes didn’t choose and wouldn’t want for ourselves. It can feel like our choices haven’t been taken into account, which in itself can feel awful. Not so much with incorrect drink orders but larger outcomes like not getting the job we applied for, the paperwork we need, a medical diagnosis or experiencing fertility outcomes we hadn’t thought possible. This is where the magic lies. Warning : it doesn’t feel like magic at the time, it feels like swallowing bricks. Sometimes, we can’t change the outcome but we do still have a choice in how we react and move on from the outcome given to us. This often means letting go of how we perceived the situation was going to work out. (Note: this is hard!) However, if we can let go of the hows and the when’s, then we allow magic to enter that often allows us to achieve our outcome.

I should also add, we are all working this out as we go. Life doesn’t have a manual but what I can offer you is billions of choices in each life time. Studies have recently shared that as adults we make 122 choices on average each day, the fun part is that half of these we then alter. The best thing you can do on your current path is be content with the choices you do have and let go of ‘how’ the outcome is achieved. Great news is that if you haven’t liked anything I’ve written about you have the choice to stop reading, that said I hope you keep returning for more content. Perhaps everything really is a choice?

The ending won’t end you

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

K.Tolnoe

On 17th September 2023 I began a painting challenge. It involved one hundred Pantone cards and the idea was to paint one a week. I introduced myself to using Gouche paint and the reason I began was not only to have a creative outlet but to develop a skill.

A couple of weeks ago I painted card number fifty six. However, I haven’t been enjoying the process for some time and have missed weeks or painted things that didn’t interest me. I am extremely good at seeing things through, even if they are a little dull or tough but I realised that this challenge was no longer serving me and had in fact become an unnecessary burden.

Ladies and gentlemen we don’t do burdens at fridge central. Life is too short. So we did the sensible thing and put out paintbrushes back in their pockets (clean obviously). Does it bother me that I didn’t finish at least on a round number, preferable a ten – yes! But sitting and painting four paintings I don’t wish to do is not something I am going to spend energy on.

Luckily, I am generally good at seeing things through, so I’m not abandoning a challenge half way through and recognising a pattern that concerns me, nor will I concern my inner critic over the abandonment – why? Honestly, we killed her off a long time ago, I try to do things that keep me creative, learning and sparking joy but not at the cost of feeling bored.

I do enjoy painting the little squares I did manage to complete and I also plan to return to the challenge at a later point. However, I know myself well enough to realise it was no longer serving me. Sure in adult land that are many things we have to do, but when it comes to some aspects they are options, for example if you don’t enjoy the gym, venture outside for a run, try taking a class or perhaps find your own challenge to reignite your exercise habits.

I also found other benefits to this creative process such as, seeing improvements in my skill, learning to laugh at the process when things went wrong (embarrassingly wrong) and carving some time for myself away from the demands of work and family life to do something for me. I definitely prefer painting in winter, snuggled in front of the fire. So perhaps in a few months I shall find those paint brushes and start phase two of ‘100 Pantone challenge’ until then you’ll find me outside exploring this wonderful world and soaking up the sun.

You’re not that important

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from ‘Blue Sisters’

Easter holidays are great in my opinion as it gives me even more time to read. In the last few days I’ve read four books and I’ve learnt that I like to take phrases, sections of overall moral lessons from books. It’s like learning from a journey without the hassle of leaving the house and you don’t have to worry about passports or tickets.

In Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors, the book reflects on four adult siblings, one has passed away and as the story continues you realise that they each blame themselves, feel they should have done more to prevent the death of their adored sister. Their mother wisely informs them ‘you’re not that important’ and it made me laugh and then reflect.

So often after a bereavement or loss such as job or relationship break down we think we should have done more, could have done something different to alter the paradigm we are now in. It’s also a time when the people around you will give you advice and it’s often deep and comes with a side order of best intensions and love.

That’s why I adore the advice; you’re not that important. People are complex beings that often make self absorbed decisions and forget to look ahead. We’re all often self absorbed that we don’t consider other peoples opinions or how our decisions might affect them. To an extent this is a good thing, if we thought things through thoroughly and weighed up all of the options we may find we’d never leave the house or do anything, we’d also be permanently crippled by anxiety and ‘what ifs’ would leave us paralysed in fear.

That said. we naturally want to help our loved ones and when things take a dark turn it’s natural for us to reflect on what we could of done to prevent the situation. However, we all need a little Mum advice, the best is often blunt and to the point…you aren’t that important. They did what they did because they wanted to. They made that move because they thought it was best, or perhaps they should have done something early but they were too scared or perhaps didn’t think it was important.

We can’t always alter others lives, we can give opinions when asked, we can offer guidance and practical solutions but this isn’t a Disney movie where epiphanies occur at just the right moment followed by a musical encore (disappointing I realise). Instead, listen carefully this week to those that do listen to you, that do make time for you – they think you’re important and don’t be offended by those that don’t. Instead, ensure you listen to yourself. You are the most influential person in your life.

Kindness heals

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Recently I have been the recipient of kindness and I wanted to pass it on. This blog comes with an affiliated link but if that’s not your thing, then just don’t press the link. That said, as always at fridgesays this blog is worth the read for a hopefully warm glow.

In November, I had a period that was so intense it made me vomit. If I can move around I’m usually fine, but mother nature struck when I found myself in a three hour board meeting, wearing a pencil skirt in a room with little ventilation, to say it was less than ideal was an understatement but once I was out of the meeting and able to move I soon felt better. My friend in the meeting, Kelly commented that she saw me go pale before I exited for the ladies facilities. Like a pro I returned but we joked on the way home that there was no way I could have hidden a hot water bottle under my skirt, that is not a pro move, so suffer it was.

A couple of days later in the office Kelly said she had a gift for me:

https://amzn.to/3ESlyf4 (link if you’d like to know more) . It was this box of three heated pain relief pads, that claim to be discreet and last for 12 hours….

Let’s take a pause to thank the gorgeous Kelly for seeing these and thinking of me, that to me is true kindness. Having a tribe of wonderful people around me is the greatest gift a person could ask for.

During my menstruation cycle in January I gave them a whirl and I was blown away! A simple peel of the wrapper and it stuck in place all day and most of the evening. The product provides a gentle heat (not intense as a hot water bottle) and the warmth kept coming. I honestly didn’t believe it would last 12 hours. The pad I used was still producing warmth 16 hours later… who knew iron and carbon could heal pain and how does warmth actually heal? In essence, heat causes the blood vessels in that area to dilate, enhancing perfusion to the targeted tissue. For under £2 for three pads that’s a lot of healing for little expense.

I will certainly be purchasing more, to be able to stick one in place and get on with my day whilst receiving a warm hug where needed is an absolute game changer as a full time working parent. I also plan to buy a few as gifts, one for a friend who really suffers with her menstruation and another who has a daughter about to start her periods. These would have been so handy when I was at school, trying to focus on the lesson content but equally feeling like my uterus was doing the can-can. Kindness matters and whilst I’m grateful to Kelly for her kind act, I’m also an advocate for passing kindness on to others.

Like I said, if you have a sad uterus in your life, click the link and give these a whirl.

Every cell in your body is evesdropping on your thoughts

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

Physical health and mental health are linked, just as wellbeing and illness are opposite ends of a spectrum. The phrase ‘we are one’ has never been more correct. As an adult human you contains around 37 trillion human cells and 200 different cell types, even more wonderful is that these cells are in a life cycle of their own, rejuvenating continuously, so if you don’t feel like the same person you were a year or even a day ago, you’re right – you are now millions of new cells. The body is always moving, adapting and altering, whilst as humans we often hate change, the human body thrives on new cells.

Each of the 200 hundred different types of cells look different and alter to best cope with your unique setting. For example, Cells in the brain may be longer in shape so they can transmit signals more efficiently, whilst cells in the respiratory system are plump as they hold oxygen.

If we don’t feel at ease, our cells respond and the medical profession often call the result ‘disease’… our bodies are vessels that absorb our thoughts and react. So here’s the great news… your thoughts have the power to alter your cell health, think good thoughts and health follows…the downside; in this crazy world of fear and uncertainty, negative thoughts and experience’s often have a negative affect on our bodies. Ever been nervous before an interview and had an upset tummy at the same time? Been stressed and got a headache?

Time to become spiritual gardens. Just like a gardener (of which I am not the best) cultivates the land to create a beautiful open space, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and whether it serves our mind. Gardeners weed and take out invasive plants that can strangle and consume other plants that they want in their garden. Fearful thoughts and worry do the same to our positive thoughts.

Large trees can consume all the light and the smaller plants below can die because they aren’t receiving enough nutrients. Often we can see this in the early hours of the morning where the human brain can take a small problem, a seedling of inconvenience, and in the dark hours of the morning with nothing to distract us we can make that problem humongous and unbearable by catastrophising and going over the same issue several thousand times. However, in the light of day if you speak the issue over with a loved one they will often remind you that the ‘what ifs’ aren’t real and that the seedling issue can be resolved.

In essence, the solution is to think positive thoughts but I appreciate that is extremely hard to do and easy for me to type. However, we can always move to a better thought process. The way we do this is exactly the same as people in the gym become stronger. We need to do lots of repetitive actions (positive thoughts) until it becomes our normal setting. Personally, if something is wrong I always find it best to acknowledge it, but after that I reframe it to the best possible outcome I can visualise, after all 32 trillion cells are relying on me. For example, rather than say you are feeling ill, say you are healing. Rather than punish yourself for being late, appreciate the steps you took to ensure you didn’t completely miss the appointment or the effort it took you to get there. If you have experienced or are experiencing trauma, how can we learn from it? What action do you need to take?

I’m cautious not to ‘Princess positive’ life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often difficult and sometimes painful. Of course positive thoughts won’t miraculously cure you and it’s important to give all our emotions attention, if we begin to feel sad we need to be aware of why. What this quote does remind us is that our cell health is always listening and responding to our environment. So on this Sunday evening (or any evening you happen to stumble upon this article) reflect and take some time to think about where you are in life. What brings you peace, joy and pleasure, are there any aspects that make you anxious and that you can make alterations to? Keeping your cells happy, creates a better you to move into tomorrow.

Life is short and it’s here to be lived

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Kate Winslett

When you are fabulous you don’t need to take any dramatic action in January. I honestly believe the month is for snuggling through, lighting candles and being gentle to yourself. The skies are grey and the mood, absent of Christmas twinkle can be heavy. Nobody needs to reinvent themselves, to put on Lycra and pound the pathways at 5am. Unless you are a rabbit then lettuce is also not necessary to consume, it’s out of season and what your body needs is comfort and warmth…in fact now I’ve given it some thought I have a odd feeling that not even rabbits are meant to eat lettuce? Isn’t it bad for them? In which case lettuce is probably catastrophic for you to munch in January.

I did make an incredible New Year’s resolution about seven or eight years ago and I’ve stuck to it ever since. I decided to not purchase items of clothing without pockets. Pockets bring me immense joy and let’s face it, they’re useful. So I’m not anti New Year’s resolutions, in fact in the same spirit as pocket power, I’m planning a similar resolution this year. Something that adds to my existence not makes me cold, sad and inadequate.

I’m not a sweet toothed princess, but I do really enjoy dark chocolate. I often have a piece each evening, a square from a generic supermarket purchase bar…for Christmas Mr Fs parents bought me some perfume and some very posh chocolate. The box was gold and came wrapped in a beautiful gold bow. Tonight the house is empty (the boys are at Rugby training) and I made myself a hot drink, snuggled in front of the fire and remembered the posh chocolate.

As I opened the box it felt indulgent and exciting. The ribbon was too beautiful to be discarded so I placed it in my hair. I then had the best decision to make – which chocolate to select! I went for a dark chocolate with little pieces of coconut on top. I then closed the box and I’m already looking forward to tomorrow evenings choice.

With the ribbon firmly in my hair, I made a decision: this year I will purchase hand made chocolate (locally sourced where possible) and each evening I will have one delightful bite of joy! Why? Because it makes me happy, because everyone needs more ribbons in their ribbon box (it’s true the majority of women have a ribbon box, much like men have little trays of odd pieces of metal and a draw full of cable ties) and I love the romance of ending each day with a little moment of indulgence. This resolution is already exiting me. I’ll absolutely keep to it and it will improve my chocolate experience and support local businesses.

If you are looking to upgrade twenty twenty-five then make sure it is something that will bring you joy and happiness, we can bring back salads in the warmer months and snuggle our way through the colder months. Resolutions are something to stick to, so make sure anything you decide enhances your experience of life.

Quiet places and soft moments

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Franchella

Warning this post contains joy and indulgence, some readers may be allergic.

It’s blursday, somewhere between Christmas and new year and I’m in front of the fire, snuggled and content. This my wonderful readers is the dream. If you turn on your tv or scroll the web, the commercials will tell you that you need to lose weight and that their product can help, that this year you’ll achieve your dreams…let me share with you a wonderful moment ahead of the glitz of Christmas.

I was sat on my sofa at home, snuggled under a homemade blanket, it was freshly washed (guests due to arrive within twenty four hours) and Mr F bought me a huge mug of hot peppermint tea. It was quiet (an odd occurrence in my home) and I was watching the lights and decorations on our Christmas tree sparkle, the TV was off. The magic of Christmas shouldn’t have begun but my heart felt full. Perhaps it was the anticipation of what was to come or perhaps it was simply perfect.

Over the last few days of Christmas festivities, my Mum mentioned that the highlights of this Christmas were the small things, that in life often pleasure is found in the simple moments. It was a welcome lesson I’ve relearnt many times and always brings me joy. Giggles on a dog walk, a left over sandwich (far superior than the grand meal from the previous day), seeing the sun attempt to shine, thoughtful gifts…simple pleasures, a wink, a smile, a hug.

About a week ago I purchased a pink fluffy jacket for a friend and when it arrived from Vinted I was envious, I tried it on (mistake one) and whilst it was a little big for me it was joyfully snuggly. Mr F thought I’d purchase it for myself and I explained my jealous situation. I couldn’t deny my friend the fluffy joy, but could I deny myself? Then I had a melt down, this isn’t uncommon in my household. Sometimes my princess ways bubble out of control, Mr F said I should just keep it…but my conscious wouldn’t allow it. He asked how much it was – Topshop, £4 and then he said ‘buy yourself another one’…what a man ladies and gentlemen! So I scrolled and I found one in my size with labels for £5…today it arrived and I am wearing the pink fluffy jacket and the goodness continues. My friend and I can now twin and wear them at the same time, we’ll look like giant marshmallows or Care Bears. I don’t feel bad as I didn’t deny her pink fluff joy and I indulged myself so I’m happy too. Where’s this going?

Sometimes a five pound jacket makes you happy, sometimes moments of quiet can refill your cup and soft fabrics can warm your soul…as we head out of blursday and into the new year, be kind to yourself. Eat well but eat happy, look out for glimmer moments that remind you life is good. So many people search for big dreams when I honestly believe peace, warmth and stillness is an achievable dream for us all. If you want to create this dream then vinted have plenty of pink fluffy coats (we can all twin!) …don’t deny yourself small pleasures and don’t underestimate the joy in the quieter moments that life can offer, you just need to be still long enough to enjoy them. Blessings.