gratitude

What’s yours will be yours

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

As an only child I grew up thinking everything was mine and all about me, if I’m honest not a lot has altered in four decades.

However, viewing the world through envy can often get the best of us, in a world skewered by social media filters, images of distant tropical lands be explored and pretty patterns on coffee floats somehow gloating ‘perfection has been achieved’. That said, I think envy and jealous moments are natural and can give us motivation to new goals or opportunities. I find it uncomfortable when the green eyed monster pops in for a cup of tea and I am mentally healthier if they are kept at a distance.

I recently saw a Instagram reel that said in 100 years nobody will know who you were on a personal level and in 200 years most people won’t be remembered at all. It went on to say that the house you work hard to pay for will belong to a new family, your possessions scattered amongst people you haven’t met or didn’t know, most in landfill… the post was intended to make me feel care free, less materialist and joyful of this new perspective. It honestly left me feeling hopeless and overwhelmed with a ‘what’s the point attitude’ however, as we move into the season of materialism and Christmas overwhelm we can easily be affected by what others have, the need to keep up and the focus on what matters can be shadowed by excessive Christmas lights and the smell of cinnamon.

It’a easy to write that material objects don’t matter, that when you die – you cant take them with you but at the same time it’s wonderful to receive a parcel wrapped up with you in mind. What do we do?

Like usual, we balance the things that matter to us. Perhaps your neighbours have a better house, your brother drives a newer car with a higher specification than you…if cars and houses aren’t your thing and you like to travel, put your focus on travel and hope that your car starts in the morning. If you care about your appearance, if shopping and having beauty treatments brings you joy – do this. What’s yours is meant for you. Everything else and everything that everyone else has is just a distraction. A distraction from your authenticity.

In relationships I strongly believe if you’re meant to be together then you’ll both put in the effort that is needed, if only one of you wants the relationship the other ‘fighting for’ it will only suffocate the process. Remember sometimes we think we want something and there is often something better to come. You don’t have to fight for what’s yours.

Instead let me lend you my only child ‘leading lady’ attitude. Focus on yourself, work towards goals that mean something to you and not because you’re trying to keep up with your peers. Congratulate those around you when they achieve what they desire, but just because number 22 has new windows doesn’t mean you need to follow suit. By focusing on yourself and your goals you’ll find that you can materialise the experiences, feelings and targets that mean something to you much more efficiently.

Do more of what makes you happy

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Quote Anon

This is a quick post today to take a moment to reflect. What makes you happy? Perhaps an easier question is what do you enjoy doing? Sometimes ‘happiness’ can feel out of reach and often is experienced as a fleeting moment that comes and goes.

We can often become overwhelmed by the ever growing list of things we should be doing and forget to make time for the things we enjoy simply because we enjoy them. We wait for excuse to celebrate, to break open the fizz or wait for an occasion to make the effort to see loved ones…

Todays advice is much like Nikes slogan: just do it. Book the theatre tickets, book the plane tickets – see the world, or don’t see the world. Grab a cup of tea in your favourite cup, add your favourite snack and read a good book. Step into your authentic place of happiness

You are worthy of a life that makes you smile. A life that is sprinkled with moments of joy. Surround yourself with people that love you and that you love in return and don’t waste your time in relationships you’ve outgrown or people who don’t have your best interests at heart.

If I reflect on many of my happiest moments, the great news is they often financially cost very little, if anything. They always involve my loved ones and some last longer than others. Imagine a world where you prioritised how you felt as much as you made time to remember to put the bins out. Now imagine everyone in the world prioritised their happiness and not just their own, but took others peoples happiness into account. How incredible would that world be and how many of our planets struggles would dissipate? It all starts with a sprinkle of your own happiness and a reflection on what matters to you.

You can do anything but not everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote has several origins

This week I was listening to one of my regular podcasts, Kathryn Ryan’s – ‘Telling everybody everything’ and she mentioned this premise in one of her recent episodes. We can often feel guilty for not being the best partner, as we are also being the best mother and at work we are full time committed to being the best employer/employee…it’s a perpetuating circle that often leads to unfulfilled happiness within ourselves, as we can’t be everything to everyone…oh and did I mention, we also need to have wonderful self care regimes, self love, a nutritious diet, regular exercise and quality sleep? It’s a to do list worth aspiring to but one that often is unattainable. Whilst I fully agree with this, I think it’s crucial that we teach our children that they can have it all, just not all at once.

I want to provide my child with all the opportunities to succeed and to become whatever he would like to be. At this point his interests are wide and skill sets are vast, he really could be anything when he decides on a career path. My son is happy, healthy and loved. These are nonnegotiable, but recently I’ve been teaching him how to balance responsibilities and the various elements of life, why? Because you can do everything and be anything but you can’t do it all at the same time.

It’s a skill that isn’t taught in school but one in which I try to role model for his current and future wellbeing. I do this by speaking my thoughts out loud and then explaining how I’m going to complete the tasks; it could be as simple as explaining that I want to go and have a bubble bath, I need a face mask but the washing needs loading, hanging and I need to clean the bathroom. I’ll then explain how I’m going to make the list workable (I’ll wear my face mask whilst cleaning the bathroom or I’ll run the bath and before I step in I’ll pop the washing on… I also think it’s essential to also role model asking for help and also compromise, so I may explain I won’t have time to clean the bathroom and have a bath, but I can have a shower after cleaning the bathroom, or I’ll say if I make time for a bath could he help me by hanging the washing out? So often team work and a sharing of responsibilities is essential so that the family unit can thrive.

This may seem like an obvious post but as a Mumma in 2023 where dreams seem an instant attainable option by clicking a link, I do want my child to dream big, but also want him to be grounded and have strategies to achieving those goals. So, if you are preaching the positive quotes that ‘What my fridge says’ inspires, make sure any little ears also have access to techniques to help them achieve. It’s worth reflecting, as recently my son had a party to attend but also had a homework task due, by the time the evening came around he had done ten extra minutes in the days leading up to the party (without my prompting) to leave him free to go off and enjoy himself, in his own little way ‘he had it all’ and that’s as skillset I can get behind.

Dream big little dude.

BOO

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote ‘every Halloween book, cartoon ghost and small child’

This evening I was watching one of my all time favourite TV series – #greysanatomy

It was an episode in series 18 and was based around the theme of the USA holiday of Thanks Giving. On the surface the idea of being grateful and eating Turkey speaks to my soul. I caught the bug of gratitude early in life, mainly from my family who made me aware of how precious my existence was, everything that we had and the lessons we learnt along the way, I also blame my obsession with the Disney adaptation of PollyAnna.

However, I’m aware that the origins of Thanks Giving has deeper historical roots in religious and cultural traditions, it has long been celebrated as a secular holiday as well and other countries such as Japan and Germany who have similar celebrations. In the UK we are on the cusp of celebrating Halloween, again behind the cheap plastic decorations and high levels of sugar, the laughter and the joy (my son seriously loves dressing up) there are deeper meaning to be had. This weekend in the village we live in my family came to stay to share in the Bonfire celebrations – deeper meaning can be found and I understand why some may struggle with the terrorist origins and the animal and wildlife issues around fireworks.

I’m cautious it may be too early to mention the C word that’s right around the corner, where we drag perfectly health trees into our living rooms to watch them die covered in glitter, fairy lights and tinsel…the excessive food and financial strain on some families. New Year is a tradition that never got a food attached to it, but a dodgy song that nobody knows the words to and the majority that sing it are too intoxicated to care.

In case you’re thinking ‘what a depressing read to a blog that promotes itself of being positive’ then BOO! I’m about to switch things up with the classic Pollyanna effect. Everybody has the right to take from the traditions what they’d like, to delve into their origins as deeply as they wish to, to dance the night away on New Year and fully embrace the event or to pop their Pjs on and eat some of the left over chocolate from Chris…(ops! nearly typed it) and as I was watching Greys Anatomy and the over worked staff who battled with life and death with just a ten blade to hand and far too much Botox came together in the final moments of the episode to be thankful for what they had, each other…I reflected on what I took from the holidays and it came down to family every time. I love Christmas because I see and spend time with my loved ones, Bonfire night was joyful due to those I experienced it with, Halloween will be magnificent as my son proudly steps out into the dark streets in his costume with his Dad as protector / bouncer, hand in hand…what I chose to take from these celebrations are the traditions not set centuries ago, but the core memories I am making with my family, these won’t last forever, they will evolve with time but I’m ever so grateful for each and everyone I do have. If that isn’t gratitude, I’m not sure what is…although before I sign off, I’d love to share with you this tiny pumpkin my Mr F carved for me today! I couldn’t resist it in the shop and it may be the best 40p I’ve ever spent but his huge hands struggled to carve something so tiny…thank you Mr F

When you focus on the good, the good gets better

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote Anon

The weeks are flying by, and the temperatures in the UK are cooling down, winter is around the corner and whilst images of pumpkin lattes and Christmas trees makes me feel warm and fuzzy, often the winter months can be some of the most mentally challenging. We tend to hibernate a little more, the weather is often grey and cold, we can become lethargic and not as productive, as a result this can leave our mental health in poor condition.

What can we do? We can focus on what we do have, this is a skill that I’m alway in pursuit of / attempting to maintain. I know it works and have had many successes from it but I also know that when you are feeling low it can be hard to focus at all, let alone alter your mindset to a positive perspective. I really enjoy thinking about the things I’m grateful for, this helps me reflect on what I have achieved, what I do have and not on the endless ‘to do list’ or concerns of looming bills and costly house projects that quickly become essential when you ignore them for long enough.

If listing your gratitudes seems out of reach then I’d like to share a writing practise that I’ve recently adopted.

You can do it at the end of the day before sleep or reflect first thing in the morning on the day before. I found the practise on Instagram and have found it useful for raising my vibration. I prefer to write in the morning as it sets me up for the day ahead.

The first question is: ‘Name three moment of kind did you show to others or experience from other people?’ This question makes me appreciate all the small things that the people around me do and also encourages me to do/ share more kindness to others. After doing this for a few weeks it surprised me how often it’s strangers that show kindness.

The next question is: ‘Name 3 joys from yesterday’ again, this requires me to reflect on my day with a positive perspective and often it’s the small moments that give me the biggest boost when I write them down.

The third question is: ‘Three things you did well?’ Firstly, when I went to do this I was taken back, apart from the odd office impact narrative, I haven’t stated what I do well since I was a child, certainly not in writing and it was really challenging. After a few days I noticed that my inner voice had become a little more of a cheerleader and less a self saboteur.

Focusing on the good doesn’t stop the bad happening but I do believe it helps to balance out your perspective and often helps you to find solutions quicker. It also often means you attract other positive people and that can also help raise your collective vibration. The world is hard enough at times without surrounding yourself with opinions that drain you. If you give the questions or journal prompts a go, let me know in the comments below. Perhaps much like the lessons I’ve learnt from the journal prompts – it’s a little daily practice that may help your mental health and well-being hugely.

High expectations and deep humanity

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Quote Principle in East Sussex

This week I was given a gift by a friend…this quote. It came from a Head Teacher my colleague was doing a visit with. These five words are how she encapsulated the vision for her school. When I heard these words my neuron pathways lit up like a Christmas tree with way too many lights on it…the ones where you can’t see the tree, basically I was in awe.

This is my new favourite quote and whilst I’ve joked about having it printed on a t-shirt, this is already underway and is waiting to be dispatched.

Taking the quote out of the education system and into any aspect of life, it works. Lets go big with examples first…imagine a world where everyone had high expectations, nobody was thought less of for disability, race, ethnicity or gender…but we look at the individuals journey and circumstances with empathy, we didn’t give out sanctions for children who don’t come to school in the correct uniform because we took time to speak to the individual and help them find solutions to those issues, surely this is the world we’d all love to see our children grow in.

Like all goals I prefer to start off small and then perhaps next week we’ll branch out into world domination.

For yourself, think about an aspect of your life that you’d like to improve on, if you were coaching you, what would you say you needed to do. *honestly, we all know what we need to do, we often don’t do it and hide behind reasons we can’t. Let’s say you’d like to improve your quality of sleep, you could make a list and include some nonnegotiable’s around the topic. For example, you’ll make sure you’re in bed at a certain time and you’re nonnegotiable’s could be that you won’t have your phone or blue light devices in the same room as you, you’ll stop drinking caffeinated beverages six hours before bed time, the list of what you will and won’t do may go on, as will your high expectations for sleep and exquisite sleep hygiene, this will become your daily norm. However, perhaps a full moon, a neighbours car alarm or the stress you also snuggled to sleep with disturbs you’re routine and you wake up beyond tired. Give yourself ‘deep humanity’ speak to the inner child and don’t criticise yourself. You did the best you could, you kept to your nonnegotiable’s, you will do better tonight. Kindness, forgiveness and love are three things we aren’t always great and giving ourselves.

Whilst I can’t suggest all of your sleep patterns will be corrected in a few nights, often these issues are complicated and influenced by many factors, I am going to speculate that your standard would improve and as a result and over time so would your sleep.

If we take the quote back to educational institutions; I am working daily to ensure that schools hold all children to high expectations despite data, life experiences and life chances. If we all thought each child could do better, they would become better. If we raised our standards our children would rise with us BUT only if they felt seen and heard as individuals. Children don’t fit into a policy designed for all, not all have the same lived experiences because children aren’t crayons in a box. But strong policies that do allow reasonable adjustments for individuals, schools that take time to give children a sense of belonging that’s something that is worth writing on a t-shirt close to my heart.

Judge me by the people I avoid

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Anon

Judgement is complicated. I read a blog earlier this week about it and this quote therefore resonated.

In the blog the writer made an excellent point about judging others by our own standards, her example was based around teaching. She is always earlier to her session by about fifteen minutes, she prepares the room and waits for her clients and she always starts on time. If another teacher enters one minute before the class begins and goes straight into teaching – both classes started on time. Both teachers have met their expectable standard… it really got my mind thinking

I’ll save you a week of thinking by sharing my conclusion. Judgement is a waste of time but a habit out primitive brain uses to keep us safe, as a result it’s hard not to judge. I’ll give you some every day examples; you enter a cafe and queue for a drink, you notice the ladies jumper in front of you and judge it as ugly. WASTE OF TIME – the lady likes it and your opinion that (hopefully) is kept in your head is irrelevant. No harm is done, except you’re wasting your energy thinking about an ugly jumper rather than what delicious treat to have with your drink. Another example; You’re driving down the road and notice the car in front of you is swerving, you become frustrated…annoyed / angry. This doesn’t help the driver in front of you to drive better and it doesn’t help you focus. Noticing it might help you remain vigilant, but after the initial judgement it quickly becomes more of a burden than a blessing, also if like me you have a huge imagination within a minute you’ve wasted your time creating an entire scenario as to why the driver is swerving, named the driver and any other characters who may have done something to get to this swerving moment. Ultimately – you’ve wasted your time.

Judgment as a parent is exhausting! You tell they are eating too quickly, too slowly, you judge them on how dirty they’ve become – how much food they have around their faces (and often eye brows?) and none of these judgments making the pace of eating any different, except the parent becomes visually more frustrated with each judgemental breath.

If a giant wild bear is chasing after you please do judge that as a dangerous situation and act accordingly, but bears aside we are often happier the less judgment we weigh ourselves down with. Whilst I don’t have the answer, as I still believe judgment has a small place in keeping us safe, I do think we could all reduce how often we judge. Over the next few weeks I plan to do this by simply noticing when I judge. If I can catch myself doing it, I can reduce the momentum of after thoughts and diffuse it’s energy. Once I’ve noticed it, I will simply pause and let it go.

As for this particular quote, I’ve just returned from a long Sunday beach walk with my boys and our dog, feel free to judge me on the company I keep – I spoke and (after checking with the owner) cuddled every dog that came in a five metre radius. I avoided all human connection, you can’t go wrong by avoiding humanity and I’m now writing this alone in the living room with my own dog curled up next to me, perfection.

I wish you a kinder sea

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Quote Anon

I’m privileged to live near the sea and much like most aspects of nature, I love the sea in various conditions. Pebbles and sand beaches, stormy and powerful tides that make you feel energised and invigorated as the wind whips your hair and the sea spits out white foam, flat calm seas that are joyful when we have the paddle board out, often leaving me feelings balanced and joyful, then there are tidal waves that have always a melody to them as they rise and fall. My favourites are all the in between seas too…a little windy but ‘not too choppy’ or the warm sea that is wonderful to paddle your feet in as dusk falls and the wind begins to pick up.

If we think of the sea as a humongous living metaphor for life, then it makes sense that it has so many variants. Sometimes we can feel like we are drowning in endless battles as the waves of life sweep us off our feet and at other times we enjoy the sea salt kisses the spray brings, the warm tides that tickle our toes and envelope us like a hug – so often I leave the sea feeling cleansed and renewed.

Life with its ups and downs, often can feel as unpredictable as the sea…one minute you’re paddling through effortlessly and the next you are out of depth and struggling to keep your head above water. Sometimes if you turn your back to the sea you can quickly find the waves can whisk you on the floor with a soggy bottom and you are left bemused wondering how it even happened?

As the quote states above – I wish you an kinder sea. One that forgives, a life that cleanses your soul but also gives you joy. I do believe that dark stormy tides are moments in life we can learn from, build strength and resilience from and ultimately can be an opportunity for personal growth.

I wish you a kinder sea that gives you freedom to explore, that leads you to new voyages and lands afar. I wish you a kinder sea that allows you to see your worth, I wish this for everyone.

Perhaps me wishing isn’t enough? Perhaps we need to observe and reflect on the sea we have in front of us and treat it accordingly. When danger appears, we need to have the tools to protect ourselves, reaching for our self care life jackets, when the sea is absorbing us we need to build boundaries and see defences to keep it at bay. Lastly but essentially, we need to treat those around us with the kindest we wish to have. You can be a kind sea if you are poisoned with sewage or negative energy such as envy or doubt.

I will keep wishing for kinder seas and I hope to live in a kinder sea myself. I know I need to take my eyes of the horizon and enjoy the sea below, the where I am now. But as a seasoned sailor I also know the horizon is not always my friend, that in can alter my course at any moment. Let’s all wish for kinder seas.

Sometimes miracles are just good people with kind hearts

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from the poet cafe

I adore this quote. It’s true, most of the joy that reaches us, the moments we thought might never happen – they took an army of smaller moments and sometimes people to make happen.

Much like a ripple in a pool of water I’ve always felt that good vibes, happiness and miracles happen because of two ingredients.

The first is belief. Choosing to see the best in life even when you’re aware there are shadows of doubt. You ignore these shadows and give your full attention to the glimmers of joy, you reframe the negative to see the outcome you wish to see. You are not naive to the shadows (this is how they bite you) but you starve them from fear, worry or your attention. You instead feed your soul and perspective with positive energy. Here’s a simple example a neighbour said to me ‘phew it’s too hot today for me’ and I decided to not feed her negative energy, instead I responded with ‘im loving that my washing has dried so quickly – the laundry basket is empty!’ She then responded to my energy and told me about her washing…small moment that add momentum to future miracles.

The second is showing kindness above the every day ‘opening of doors’. I am very proud to have had two friends donate kidneys, one to their spouse and the other to her cousin. The gift of life. WOW if that doesn’t resonate with ‘good people and kind hearts’ although maybe in this example the quote should be ‘good people with kind kidneys’ then nothing can. Actually, we’re all here due to human connection, if we’re lucky we were born by two kind humans in love, with a dash of the miracle of science.

To receive miracles you have to be open to receiving them, you don’t need to plan how they occur or when…just what you’d like to see, feel and become. The rest is patience, belief and usually some good people around you. Spend some time this week thinking about what you’d like to receive, it could be small or big the universe isn’t bothered by size. Just be authentic to your needs and desires. Meanwhile look for the smaller miracles that others miss.

You already have what it takes

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There are many theories and entire podcasts / books and resources on what it takes to be high performance. Entrepreneurs and people who are the best in their field at what they are great at can give you ‘10 tips’ or ‘7 things you can do today’ and as a result I’m going to share a secret with you. They aren’t that special, we all are. Yes that includes you!

Whilst a handful of things are helped with ‘natural ability’ if you want something and you dedicate yourself to it – it’s yours and if you don’t get to your final destination with what you want to achieve, I can promise that with practice you will get better. We all will.

Yesterday at the dinning room table my son asked me what pose I found the hardest in yoga, I said I couldn’t answer that but I could if he’d let me reframe the question. At the moment I’m working on my forward fold, it’s not a complex move but years of high heel wearing mean my hand strings are tight and when I go into a forward fold my head and knees are currently worlds apart, as a result I’m working on my forward fold daily until I master it. He smiled and said ‘that’s a good attitude to have’, since I began my daily yoga practise and booked into classes I can feel my body responding, progressing and heading towards the type of practise that I want to achieve, however the destination for my health and wellbeing are hundreds of hours of practises away. Mean while, I’m content in my daily mat time making millimetre progress and enjoying the journey.

What does it take? Honestly, I don’t think it matters what you want to achieve, I think you just need to decide you’re going to achieve it, then take the necessary steps to move towards that goal. If you miss the goal, at least you lived a full life trying. I know I would reach my goal far quicker if I jumped on a flight to India and did a months intense retreat or teaching practice but missing a month without my son is non negotiable and family life and all the responsibilities that come with it aren’t something I’m prepared to ignore, so my pathway to my yogi future will be slower and with my own limitations and priorities. What I will do is what I can. Again, this sometimes means making sacrifices or removing people / objects that no longer serve you or the direction you wish to go in. All I know if my next destination is a forward fold, what do you want to achieve?