gratitude

Head up twinkle

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Fridgesays

Sometimes I don’t feel like writing. It could be because the week has been busy, I’m tired or I’m just lacking a clear vision of what to write about.

It’s in these moments, I have learnt that success is a step away. As a result, I usually make myself write something or I take a half written post and complete it. Why? The world won’t stop turning if I don’t write each week but my mental health won’t be as sparkly, my satisfaction level won’t be as joyful and honestly, it’s often the posts I don’t feel like writing but do anyway, that attract the most readers.

The attitude of resilience and keeping going when things feel hard, the art of consistency is a dying one in 2024. Giving up is easy when other options are abundant but pursuing the unattainable is hard, but as previously mentioned often when success lays.

I shared this with a friend recently and she said it was the same for her when she went for a run, the wet and soggy, cold and muddy days where staying in bed for an extra quarter of an hour and not going to run are often her best runs. Not only the satisfaction of doing something hard that will enhance oxytocin into our bloodstream but also create new learnt pathways to our resilient threshold will allow us to learn from previous ‘I can’t be bothered’ situations and lean in to the experience rather than hide under the duvet.

That said, it’s also important to distinguish within ourselves the difference between not doing something because we don’t fancy it and not doing it for a valid reason – such as our health or wellbeing. There have been times where I’ve needed to rest due to exhaustion or being run down with a virus, to make myself write or my friend to go for a run in poor health would only lead to further illness and negative outcomes. Whilst most readers make think this is obvious, in a toxic positive culture it’s important to remind ourselves that our boundaries are crucial to keeping us safe and ‘out working’ the person next to you often leads to depression and feeling inadequate than living our best lives.

And just like that, I’ve written a post about not wanting to write. I hope that this week a task that may feel heavy becomes lighter because of this post. What I can guarantee is that you’ll see the benefits of continuing and improving, that you’ll strengthen your neuron pathways for future growth.

A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I was just doing an evening session of yoga and I had a revelation.

In primary school there was a yellow line prohibiting you from touching anything fun…things like brick corners, areas where cars might be, a crazy paving concrete slope ( it was the late eighties) and it taught me something that literally until ten minutes a go I had never thought about. It taught me that boundaries were to be broken. I should probably tell you that I was a good girl but that at least once a week I’d slide my Mary Jane patent shoes across the line in act of rebellion…obviously never getting caught and in retrospect of my good girl nature we are talking millimetres not empowering jumps of anarchy. It never occurred to me that boundaries and the yellow line of forbidden treading was to actually keep me safe?

My competitive bones have never really developed but as I rolled into my twenties I did develop an inner competitiveness within myself. ‘No’ is a word I choose not to have in my vocabulary, again recognising it as an unhelpful verbal yellow line of doom. The only child in me often plays games in my head where I beat other people, complete tasks in set time frames and obviously secretly plot to over throw anyone that should ever imply I can’t do something…again I’d never thought that these words were to keep me safe?

…I’m now wondering how I’ve actually made it this far without serious injury?

With this new knowledge in mind, I invite you to think about your adult perception of boundaries, are they purely a hurdle to jump, a task to complete or unlike me something to run from? I then invite you to find balance within the word boundary…it’s already got a few of the letters so you’re half way there. Do you need a revelation like I just had and need to step closer to the concept of safety or perhaps you are bubble wrapped in the playground lines of your childhood and need to be freed from them. Either way, like most aspects in life boundaries need to be established for your own wellbeing – tell those you’re in a relationship with what you will and won’t stand for, remind your manager (in appropriate tone) what you are paid and not paid to do…and also relax within those safety perimeters…seriously who would of thought a playground rule could have such a lasting effect on the mind?

I decide my vibe

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Today I am sat on the sofa and I’m doing less than nothing. The dog is snuggled up on me and it would be disrespectful to move and disrupt her. I’m not watching TV, I’m not reading and I’m sitting in silence. Today ‘not a lot’ is my vibe.

It would be natural of me to compensate now by telling you about my hectic morning or my plans for tomorrow or even how exhausting yesterday was… but that would defeat today’s post.

Everyday we get to decide our vibe and to a large extent who we surround ourselves by. We get to be choose what we wear (give or take a work uniform) and how much energy we put into things.

Last week my son came off the Rugby pitch frustrated by how he had played, when he went on today I reminded him that the past version of him was disappointed and that the present him would decide how future him would feel. He came off at the end of the game (the team won) and said past him would be pleased. He couldn’t control the other players, the weather (it rained), but he could set the vibe for himself.

I treat my wardrobe as a costume box and dopamine dress for how I need or want to feel. Sometimes that includes bright prints and textured fabrics and sometimes it’s a black one piece that allows me to disappear. I set the vibe and use clothes to help me, currently opting for comfy clothes to do very little in.

We don’t realise it but we set the vibe, not just by clothes or attitudes but also with the foods we digest and the people we allow ourselves to be close to, in fact I believe that every choice we make takes or gives to the person we are, thus our worlds could ever be changing, or we continue to pick the same things to wear, eat and do and life is stagnant. The great thing is none of us are one dimensional beings, we can change and our vibes can alter. Later today I may be productive, later I may move from the sofa and create a list to help me start the week focused and tuned in to achieving my best…for now, I’m staying here. The vibe is quiet, still and needed. Without reflection life can run away with us and somehow in a busy world there is something seriously luxurious about doing nothing.

You are accountable for your decisions, choices and actions…or in my case, lack of action…set the vibe and enjoy what it has to offer, if it doesn’t please you then change the vibe.

Don’t let anyone dull your light

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Often when writing I know the theme and then find a quote, or I find a quote and the writing follows. Tonight, the process has been reversed as I’d like to share a lesson that just happened. I then thought that this quote would work well and assumed that I’d used it before, it doesn’t seem to have been? Although I know there are variants of it such as ‘don’t let anyone dim your sparkle’ so forgive me if it seems repetitive.

The lesson: September has burst through the year with a buddy at hand called Autumn, usually when the children return back to school the temperature in the UK increases and we are treated to an Indian summer, this year September has brought rain, thunder storms and whilst the sun shone today, the cold followed, it was around eleven Celsius and whilst not coat wearing worthy the sudden ten Celsius drop can be felt with an autumnal kiss in the air.

As a result, I have peaked early with soup making and all things cosy. Tonight I lit a candle and snuggled in bed with a new book. It was a tapered candle and I haven’t lit it for a while. As I sat on my bed the candle was struggling to breathe and so I gently tipped it slightly to release some of the melted wax, this worked for a little while but soon I was looking at a tiny blue glow, barely a flame. As I watched it struggle decided whether it would rescue itself or need me to ‘tip and release’ a metaphor of life came into mind.

Often, as adults we know what we need and often it’s a basic need that is usually achievable – less sugar, a glass of water, more movement and exercise, better quality sleep, taking time for self care or perhaps just a shower. There are certainly days when I know I’d feel a thousand percent better if I just had a shower and yet like myself starring at the struggling blue glow of the candle. We don’t do it? I tell myself I’ll wake up earlier and make time to hair wash and style, I then don’t and wake panicked with a ridiculous list of things to be achieved by 7:30am and the shower becomes a task moved to later in the day, I then have to do something with the now greasy hair and leave the house flustered and feeling like the 1970s John Travolta look isn’t in my self esteems best interest.

If it was just a shower, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad but there are certainly days and sometimes longer periods of time when just like the struggling candle we find ourselves out of balance, dehydrated, perhaps not even making time to eat and if we do we’ve not grabbed anything of any nutritious contents, we struggling to breathe and let we know what we need…here comes the crazy part, if it were a friend or loved one we would absolutely make them prioritise the shower, we’d create them something to eat, we’d encourage an early night but most of all, we’d tip the candle for a little longer and let it breathe. So I did. The flame grew and suddenly from a struggling glow came a large and substantial flame. The candle was living its best life, I was experiencing the candle living its best life. The world became fuller somehow and I couldn’t stop smiling. I’d known all along what it needed, I just watched it struggle, hoping it might ‘sort itself out’ which is ridiculous.

As you step into a new week, listen to your internal voice. Allow yourself the love and support and give yourself what you need. Whilst not always possible, often a step towards your need is a leap for ‘candle-kind’, don’t be a drowning candle, light up the world for yourself and those around you.

If you find yourself in the wrong story…leave

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Mo Willems

Most of us are so caught up in the everyday charades of routine and the running machine of life, that we forget that we can simply step off of the treadmill and take up a new activity.

Some of us bought into a blue print sold to us by our parents of marriage, children, house purchasing and careers that we simply referred to the guidance and advice and followed the manual. Others rebelled, disappearing with a back pack and sturdy boots for company and returning years later with tattoos, tales and a smile.

Sometimes it’s easy to see the big life moments that we either don’t wish to be part of anymore like climbing corporate ladders and marriages that have evolved into strangers, but like joy is often found in the small moments, sometimes we need to edit the smaller parts of our life.

Today I went to the dump (you can call it a recycling centre if it makes you happier) as we had some old curtains that needed to be put to rest. They had been in a pile that had been moved around the house for several weeks and I decided that I would put my best adult face on and take them to their resting place. This blog is dedicated to why that was a huge mistake.

As an independent woman I popped the curtains (heavier than you’d think) in the boot of my car and made my way to the dump.

Arriving with a small wait and queue (it’s England after all) I drove into the car space and started to exit the vehicle. A man in high viz ran over to me and said ‘you need to reverse in’ I paused and explained that I was putting some items in the fabric area on the other side of the dump and thus my boot was facing that direction. He paused and explained I couldn’t do that, that it was the rules and I had to reverse in. I politely asked why and he simply replied ‘it’s just the rules’

I reversed my car as asked, got out and took some of the curtains from my boot. As I walked over to the material area, I saw another sign that explained all material needed to be in a plastic liner before going in…my seven foot curtains were never going to fit in a bin liner? I looked over to Mr high viz…we then exchanged a glance that said ‘I know I’m breaking the plastic bag rule, let’s keep this between ourselves’ the mutual glance confirmed I could continue. Completing the ‘final curtain’ I got back in my vehicle, Mr High Viz could breathe, I could breathe. It was that moment that I reflected on why I never came here

  1. I don’t like rules that make no sense
  2. The Mr adores the dump and it gives him ‘satisfaction’
  3. I don’t like how everyone acts like ants with their heads down and nobody smiles
  4. The Mr loves that nobody interacts

I came home and proudly announced that I’d ’dropped the curtains off to the dump’ to the Mr. As I waited for my praise and potential award he said ‘did you reverse in?’

How did he know? I explained that actually I hadn’t and that I’d asked Mr High Viz why this was, the Mr then gave me a long lecture (with no actual explanation) on dump etiquette, that he was going to take them tomorrow and that as the conversation continued it became apparent that I wasn’t going to receive an award or even a thanks for my efforts. It was at this moment that I made a pledge to never return to the dump again. It was not fun, I didn’t feel satisfaction and I’m a natural rule breaker – we weren’t compatible. From now on, all dump adventures would be betrothed to him.

At this point, you may be a feminist who says ‘females can’ to this I simply reply ‘I did and you can, but I didn’t like it. You may also be a satisfied dump legend like the Mr, in which case I believe I should apologise for my naivety. However, what I did learn is that the dump isn’t for me and my skillset. I will never visit the place and with this edit to my story I’ll be all the more happier for it. Of course, some places like supermarkets you have to go (if you want to eat) but I believe that where this is a will there is a way, and online shopping might solve this.

Don’t go to places you don’t want to, don’t hang around with people who don’t make you smile. This precious life is yours to edit. One of my Dads best quotes to me is ‘if you don’t want to babes, nobody can make you’ and I think he’s right, another great line is ‘you can never have enough napkins’ but perhaps that’s for another post. Enjoy the week ahead and if anyone has any tips for me explaining that I also missed one curtain to the Mr, so he also had to go dump I’d be grateful.

Take note of what the light does, to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy. It means ‘of the light’ so it will be no surprise that I’m a huge fan of anything sparkly, glittery or shiny. I’ve always been fond of observing the stars on a clear night. I’m also partial to a string of fairy lights all year around.

That said, I was speaking with a friend about seasons today and summer isn’t my favourite. Sure, it’s the lightest but I adore a sunny cold morning, a crisp Autumn day where you can see spider webs glisten and the light bounces off of the autumnal leaves. This led me to realise that I actually prefer balance. I adore starry nights with black backgrounds, I enjoy things that sparkle the best when the light shines on dark areas – much like a disco ball hanging over a dance floor. Perhaps my middle name should be contrast? Living in the UK I am blessed to have annual experience of the four seasons and they each play a part, often we need the dark to see the light, just as we need the cold to feel the warmth.

In dark times, humour offers much needed light. Shadows can be beautiful too but often fade and need sunlight to sustain them. During the winter/holiday season you may be tricked by the light. Dazzled by sparkle and awe. Shop windows may entice you in and it’s easy to be eaten whole by consumer culture. Or you can take a step back, appreciate the glitter and lights that line most high streets, the Christmas trees lit up in windows and make time for family and friends. You can also take a day off, tell the world you are busy and snuggle under the duvet with your favourite snacks and films. This is often called self care, but I think it actually allows you to see the light. Time alone is hugely under rated, time being by yourself means you can do whatever you want – you feel lighter for it and can but down the burden of carrying others, even if just for an hour or so.

As summer draws to an end and darker evenings will begin, I am going to focus on the light particularly when it arrives in the darker moments. From light hearted moments, to eyes lit up by magic, light can be your warmest friend but too much can burn you. It’s essential that we seek balance rather than look endlessly for the joy in life. I also believe that we attract what we put our focus on, so recognising when we’re not okay but also asking what we need to feel lighter is another way we can restore balance rather than being absorbed by sadness. That said, we still have a few weeks of summer left, so bask in the sun whilst it lasts and enjoy the lighter evenings.

That it will never come again, is what makes life so sweet.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Emily Dickinson

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and if we are blessed it’s just far enough that we can learn from it, but not so close that it pierces our soul and destroys us.

On Friday 31st May a friend died.

She is a mother, too central to this world. Her family needs her and like most deaths I’m perplexed that the world is still spinning?

I knew her from my previous job setting. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, my favourite thing about her was her humour; it was dark, loud, brash and epic.

This morning I woke early around 5am and went downstairs to read. It’s a book I’ve been reading for a while called Tom Lake. I turned the page and her name was the first word I read. Emily. Whilst it gave me comfort I’m sure even in death she’s busy supporting her family but the idea that her spirit might of given me a cheeky wink pleased me immensely. You see, when it comes to grief and the after life ‘to be or not to be’ it’s really all about if I believe, that’s all that matters. If the person grieving receives peace – that’s the gift.

Usually, my posts aren’t so personal but it seems the world is going to continue to spin, so I’m processing her loss in the written word. I guess we all find our methods.

Emily recently taught me some lessons:

When she shared her diagnosis, she gave a background, mainly of not feeling well but never ‘having time’ to get checked out. This irony is not lost on me. By the time she had gone to the GP (Doctor surgery in the UK) her prognosis was beyond comprehension. As a full time working parent I resonate with often not prioritising my own health. I instantly made two appointments, a routine Smear and a physio appointment, both overdue. My shoulder hasn’t been happy for some time but it gives me little to no discomfort so I ignored it. If this was my child I would never neglect his health. How ridiculous that I often write about self love and self care but had delayed making these appointments.

A good bra is worth it: About eight years a go I bought a white bra from Next. When I got home, I went to follow my usual protocol of cutting away any labels, but as I looked down my bra was called Emily. I left the label as it made me smile – who knew a bra could have a name. The next day wearing said bra I walked into her office and lifted up my top proudly to announce to Emily that my bra was named after her! She was taken back and we laughed at my randomness and delight in a label. When her prognosis became terminal I reminded her that my bra was still being worn. With her incredible humour she responded with laughter at our fond memories ‘haha you silly bean. Thank you for making me giggle’

It’s my belief that Emily was a disco ball. She was a reflection of laughter and beauty, plus she loved a party. Life often cracks us along the way, but a disco ball continues to sparkle despite its breaks, it’s both whole and many pieces. It makes sense that the spirit world would want a disco ball? Shine bright dearest Emily and may your family be drenched in love and blessings in the days, months and years to come. I already miss you terribly.

You can’t rush something you want to last forever

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Quote anon

I saw this quote in a magazine, it was in the background on a photograph of quotes hanging on a wall with a celebrity posing in front.

It made me think what I would like to last forever; health, my favourite flavour crisp, financial security, love, gravity… forever is a long time, and with a human life span almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.

In marriage ceremonies people often exchange ‘forever’ vows that can end up in divorce. Much of the data around marriages and divorces is currently unreliable due to the impact of the lockdowns. The highest year for marriages in the UK was 1972 – 426,241 couples married that year. In 2019 it had declined by 48%. Of course the topic hugely varies with many factors from cultural, ethnic, age and regions with variations in patterns across the UK. In terms of our topic of ‘forever’ some say that despite divorce, love can sometimes transcend the court papers. The other issue is defining love is hugely variable between individual’s.

That said, in the UK we are very good at building castles, buildings that stand for centuries. Whilst Germany has the most castles in Europe, Wales has the most per square mile and England has over 1,500. When you look at the ‘castle’ classification list you see that for a building to be classified as a castle in needs a certain number of bricks and that’s when it hit me!

Foundations. These often last forever, or beyond a human life span, far less fickle than love. As we reflect on the week ahead what foundations have you laid for future generations? I’m not talking pestle and mortar (unless you built your house which I think is very cool) but what will be your legacy? The great news is you’ve already begun laying it and you’ll continue until the day you die.

How you treat people, how you make them feel and of course the support you give are often how we recall loved ones who had passed away. You can’t rush a legacy because it’s ongoing, ever moving and not always our ‘best work’ – much like UK divorce rates, individual relationships vary and that’s ok. With each new day you lay another brick on your structure, you can’t rush the important pieces and you can’t rush the sections that make you feel uncomfortable. Building a life takes a life time, that too unprecedented and hugely varying in length. So make sure you use the time you do have wisely and add a sparkly brick every now and then.

Sometimes you’ll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory

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Quote by D Seuss

Moments come and moments go. Sometimes frightfully as our basal ganglia and cerebellum kick in to action and we drive our cars on a familiar journeys, arrive at a destination and have little memory of how we got there?

Other moments stay in our core and it’s these id like to take a moment to think about. You may have seen online or even read my blog on glimmer moments (Click here to read) but I had a wonderful core moment when making a bolognaise for dinner that I’d like to share.

I was listening to a podcast and making dinner, thinking about the next steps of turning the bolognaise in front of me into a lasagne. I suddenly remembered that earlier that morning I’d made a loaf of sourdough. I cut off the edge (absolutely the best part of a fresh loaf in my humble opinion) and dipped it into the bolognaise. It’s important that I share that I’m not a ‘picker’ when I cook so this felt indulgent and not something I’d usually think to do. As I squeezed the crusted edge between my fingers and carefully wiped around the edge of the pan I suddenly remembered my Mum and I doing the exact same thing when I was a child!

My hippocampus lit up like a Christmas tree. I felt absolute joy and comfort as my long term memories, these deep core memories came to the forefront. I could see myself by the side of my Mum fighting for ‘the best bit’ like school children. Whispering so that my Dad didn’t know what we were up to, which is hilarious in retrospect as he wouldn’t be bothered and doesn’t eat bolognaise, trying not to burn our fingers and usually always grabbing another piece of bread to share.

Childhood is often made of these wholesome moments. Whether it’s the smell of crayons or freshly cut grass, the taste of a particular sweet treat or a song on the radio that takes you back to the ‘live concert’ you gave to millions of invisible fans in your childhood living room as you belt out Whitney Houston’s ‘Wanna Dance with somebody’ from the bottom of the earths core to the tip of your tongue. I realised that they rarely cost anything, but a little time, a lot of laughter and in my case, an extra slice of bread and a huge bowl of bubbling bolognaise.

If noticing moments of joy in everyday life are referred to as ‘glimmer moments’ then perhaps connecting with core moments of joy from your past should be refered to as sequins. Large, round sparkly core memories sewn together to make your individual life’s tapestry. Whether it’s photographs from an album, mini recordings on your phone, old journals or causally making a bolognaise on a Saturday evening, I hope your future holds more sequins to come and your past is a glittering reflection of core joy, keep sparking.

My sequin moment

Every end is a new beginning

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

There are many ends to many things, some set in stone and others supported by time and how we’ve evolved. Sunday marks the end of the week, each month has a last day, the year ends on 31st December in my part of the world. Other calendars in other places believe new year occurs at a different calendared date, but beginning always follows suit.

Birth is often recognised as a new beginning, despite the foetus existing long before. Some people believe that death is the end, whilst others believe it’s a transition into another realm. During life’s journey we aren’t always sure when things will end. Often this is out of our control.

Growing up in the UK has meant that certain birthdays also signified beginnings. 13yrs meant you were now ‘officially’ a teenager and 18 an adult. Exams in education once again helped you see your next step; once you’d completed your GCSEs it was time to decide your A levels or perhaps venture into the world of vocational qualifications and apprenticeships. I also remember ‘running out’ of educational steps and being very aware that now I had to get a job, that my steps had come to an end and that a new beginning dawned.

Having lived in the real world for some time now, I have learnt that it generally sucks. That nothing is fair, very little is clear and that most of the rules of society make little to no sense to me. What I’ve also learnt is that we can all make choices. That wherever we begin and wherever we end up…in between we’ll have choices along the way and we decide how we feel.

What do we have? In the now we exist fully with all of the decisions that have gone before us and all of the consequences that has been set in motion. We can worry about the ends, we can often start new beginnings but hopefully by now you have realised that these are tentative, subjective and vague. Now…we have. Now we can feel, smell and touch.

Society distracts us with ‘end goals’ and ‘starting afresh’ when actually our life is made up of hundred and thousands of nows, sprinkled across our life time like cake toppings. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m unsure anyone does? But, feeling good in the now often produces positive consequences. Seeing the good often enhances the good in others now and walking away from anything that has caused us negatively in the past often allows positive results in the future.

You are reading this post in the now. I hope that now you are smiling, happy or glad that the current ‘now’ reminded you of all that you are in this very moment. Don’t be distracted by the starts and ends that society often shows us, that perhaps we’ve not nailed or missed altogether. Instead, appreciate the now, feel good in the now and repeat. The results will be a life well lived, and that’s much more than most people dream of, the endings often take care of themselves.