fridgesays

Take note of what the light does, to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy. It means ‘of the light’ so it will be no surprise that I’m a huge fan of anything sparkly, glittery or shiny. I’ve always been fond of observing the stars on a clear night. I’m also partial to a string of fairy lights all year around.

That said, I was speaking with a friend about seasons today and summer isn’t my favourite. Sure, it’s the lightest but I adore a sunny cold morning, a crisp Autumn day where you can see spider webs glisten and the light bounces off of the autumnal leaves. This led me to realise that I actually prefer balance. I adore starry nights with black backgrounds, I enjoy things that sparkle the best when the light shines on dark areas – much like a disco ball hanging over a dance floor. Perhaps my middle name should be contrast? Living in the UK I am blessed to have annual experience of the four seasons and they each play a part, often we need the dark to see the light, just as we need the cold to feel the warmth.

In dark times, humour offers much needed light. Shadows can be beautiful too but often fade and need sunlight to sustain them. During the winter/holiday season you may be tricked by the light. Dazzled by sparkle and awe. Shop windows may entice you in and it’s easy to be eaten whole by consumer culture. Or you can take a step back, appreciate the glitter and lights that line most high streets, the Christmas trees lit up in windows and make time for family and friends. You can also take a day off, tell the world you are busy and snuggle under the duvet with your favourite snacks and films. This is often called self care, but I think it actually allows you to see the light. Time alone is hugely under rated, time being by yourself means you can do whatever you want – you feel lighter for it and can but down the burden of carrying others, even if just for an hour or so.

As summer draws to an end and darker evenings will begin, I am going to focus on the light particularly when it arrives in the darker moments. From light hearted moments, to eyes lit up by magic, light can be your warmest friend but too much can burn you. It’s essential that we seek balance rather than look endlessly for the joy in life. I also believe that we attract what we put our focus on, so recognising when we’re not okay but also asking what we need to feel lighter is another way we can restore balance rather than being absorbed by sadness. That said, we still have a few weeks of summer left, so bask in the sun whilst it lasts and enjoy the lighter evenings.

Every end is a new beginning

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Quote Anon

There are many ends to many things, some set in stone and others supported by time and how we’ve evolved. Sunday marks the end of the week, each month has a last day, the year ends on 31st December in my part of the world. Other calendars in other places believe new year occurs at a different calendared date, but beginning always follows suit.

Birth is often recognised as a new beginning, despite the foetus existing long before. Some people believe that death is the end, whilst others believe it’s a transition into another realm. During life’s journey we aren’t always sure when things will end. Often this is out of our control.

Growing up in the UK has meant that certain birthdays also signified beginnings. 13yrs meant you were now ‘officially’ a teenager and 18 an adult. Exams in education once again helped you see your next step; once you’d completed your GCSEs it was time to decide your A levels or perhaps venture into the world of vocational qualifications and apprenticeships. I also remember ‘running out’ of educational steps and being very aware that now I had to get a job, that my steps had come to an end and that a new beginning dawned.

Having lived in the real world for some time now, I have learnt that it generally sucks. That nothing is fair, very little is clear and that most of the rules of society make little to no sense to me. What I’ve also learnt is that we can all make choices. That wherever we begin and wherever we end up…in between we’ll have choices along the way and we decide how we feel.

What do we have? In the now we exist fully with all of the decisions that have gone before us and all of the consequences that has been set in motion. We can worry about the ends, we can often start new beginnings but hopefully by now you have realised that these are tentative, subjective and vague. Now…we have. Now we can feel, smell and touch.

Society distracts us with ‘end goals’ and ‘starting afresh’ when actually our life is made up of hundred and thousands of nows, sprinkled across our life time like cake toppings. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m unsure anyone does? But, feeling good in the now often produces positive consequences. Seeing the good often enhances the good in others now and walking away from anything that has caused us negatively in the past often allows positive results in the future.

You are reading this post in the now. I hope that now you are smiling, happy or glad that the current ‘now’ reminded you of all that you are in this very moment. Don’t be distracted by the starts and ends that society often shows us, that perhaps we’ve not nailed or missed altogether. Instead, appreciate the now, feel good in the now and repeat. The results will be a life well lived, and that’s much more than most people dream of, the endings often take care of themselves.

Don’t stress, do your best, forget the rest

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It’s exam time in the UK for GCSE pupils and upper KS2. In our house this means a week of SATs exams for my son and a week of invigilation for me. I’ll be driving around the county and making unwelcome visits to office staff in Primary schools (office staff don’t like you if they don’t know you’re coming) to check exam packs and secured correctly, exam spaces meet criteria and ticking off many boxes on many forms…

The advice I’ll give the schools and the advice I’ll give my son is the same.

Don’t stress: Being a little worried, anxious or excited about exams can be a good thing. It can help motivate, focus and fuel your adrenaline in a positive way. Being stressed is a step too far, it can send your body into a negative cycle leading to sickness and brain freeze, may mean you can’t think to complete your exams. Unfortunately reading ‘don’t stress’ isn’t that helpful, instead sleep, nutrient/ hydration and knowing that you’ve revised means you walk into the exam knowing all you can do is your best.

Do your best: You can’t control external factors such as the weather, or what questions will be asked, you can’t do anything about circumstances occurring in your family. You can enter the exam space and for that hour give it your best with the circumstances you walked in with. To do this you need to slow down, read the questions and pause before you write your answer. Most marks are lost because people have misread and interpreted what the question is asking due to rushing. You can only do you, leaving the space knowing you couldn’t have done better is a wonderful feeling.

Forget the rest: My advice that students often ignore, is try not to chat about the exam before or after with friends. Everyone saying it felt easy when you’ve just struggled in the exam doesn’t make you feel confident for your next exam and nor does hearing comments like ‘what about the question on the back page?’ And you’re thinking what back page??? Despite these comments amongst friends often being well meaning my advice is to avoid any exam speak. Only you need to know how you feel things went or will go. Worrying about an exam that’s finished doesn’t improve the exam results, it just makes you feel stressed. Instead, make a quick exit or pop in your earphones and listen to some music, so you can focus on you.

As someone that inspects the exam process I’d also like to remind you that the teams organising it have done this before. Its important that the exam process is conducted according to protocol otherwise the exams would loose meaning, but any issues you may have will have occurred before, so share worries or concerns in advance.

The great news is that if you are worried, it’s often because you care.

Exams are a tiny moment that can’t possible capture all of your greatness and talents, they don’t reveal values such as patience, kindness or empathy. They can often be retaken and with regard to SATS these let county council know how good the quality of teaching is and are not a reflection on the child. Most children won’t even look at their results. So don’t stress, do your best. That is always good enough.

Little people, growing shoots, happy hearts and muddy boot.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

An extract from a poem, unfortunately I can’t see an author to give credit.

I picked the quote to remind myself of what childhood should be about after seeing a post from Emma Nicolet on Instagram, she’s an influencer and also a parent. Her post was about not giving your children smart phones. I thought I’d share how we are navigating this in our home at present. *warning: some of the content in this blog may be a trigger for some readers.

It’s important to say that in my teaching career in a secondary school, Ive seen the worst that social media and the online world can offer children. Online male pedophiles claiming to be 14yrs old boys, grooming, raping and then deleting all trace of evidence, bullying to the degree that death threats are whacked into WhatsApp messages as casual as asking ‘what’s for dinner?’, issues that occur out of school being dragged into the school community and taking up significant amounts of pastoral staffs time on a daily basis, suicidal ideation and self harm a daily occurrence where children use their devices to access ‘how to’ clips…I think you get my drift.

I also have an eleven year old child who is due to start secondary school in the new academic year and will be accessing public transport. We are fortunate that he doesn’t have a huge interest in the internet, he is your ‘sports / mud / outdoors kind of kid. We thought about not bothering with a mobile device, that he could use public phones like we did growing up…then my partner pointed out that in our rural location – there simply aren’t any. Public transport is also minimal and options are limited. He may need to contact us from time to time to be able to get home.

I’ve always made my son aware of online issues, we’ve read articles together and I’ve gathered his opinions. Last week in a family gathering (both parents and him on the top of the landing hallway randomly as we were about to leave the house) asked him if he’d like one and what that may look like. Up until now he’s always said things like ‘nah, they’re pointless and I’ll just break it’ (the kid is at least aware of his own weaknesses), however he said ‘if only they did a phone that was just a phone, then I could call you if I needed you but not all the other drama’…I then produced a Nokia 2760 (which use to belong to his Grandad) like a Blue Peter presenter ‘here’s one I made earlier’ . The phone launched in 2007 and is a very basic flip phone, limited internet and a pixilated camera phone. I then splashed out on a 99p pay as you go SIM card and he was in action, the kids worth it…

Several things then happened: we don’t need to worry about online content and group messages – he can’t access them. We don’t need to use apps to track his fancy device or worry about breaking it – we’re talking vintage Nokia, designed to be indestructible. If he looses it (when) it’ll cost under £20 to replace. Whilst he enjoys rummaging in his pocket and flipping his phone like a 90s swathe James Bond character, it’s already become practical within a few days of ownership and lost the glamour that a smart phone may have, so we don’t need to worry about his posture as he stares downwards 24/7 or how many hours he’s on the device. It’s a phone, a safety device, a tool…

This is how we are choosing to parent currently, it’s a decision like whether you eat at the table or what you allow your child to watch. It’s working for us because the decision is child led, we aren’t making him have something he doesn’t want, we are giving him something that might keep him a little safer. I’m also aware of the issues around having a perceived ‘burner phone’.

Whilst I’m sure a smart phone will be useful down the line, we are currently on the ‘stabiliser’ version of mobile phones, for us and more importantly for our child, it’s not something we need the added drama from, he has access to a laptop for homework, a gaming console (in our communal area – not in his bedroom and not online) and as stated earlier, he would rather be catching a Rugby ball than staring at a screen. However, I wanted to share our story as it may help you navigate your own journey of ‘online parenting’, I’m aware there are many apps and parental safety devices that you can install – however, I’m unsure that more technology is required to solve the problems that technology created in the first place. If this post resonates with you, please share with others, raising digital humans is hard, as parents we will never get it all correct, but it’s worth being aware that sometimes there are alternative options. Here’s to a few more days of happy hearts and muddy boots.

If it’s still on your mind, it’s worth the risk

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Mostly, I write to remind myself of lessons I need to learn, sometimes I write to capture lessons I’ve learnt so that you the reader don’t have to, today I’m writing for you. Perhaps you have a risk that won’t leave your mind. A step you’ve considered taking and have reasons not to take. This post is for you.

I’d like to tell you how I climb the highest mountain in the world even though everyone said I couldn’t…alas, this is not my story. Mine is a lot less riskier but I’m hoping the moral may resonate with you.

Yesterday I was at home and really wanted to eat some chip shop chips. No other would do, my son suggested getting some from the freezer and adding cheese on top. Whilst I know the value of cheesy chips – I also know that when I really want something and it won’t leave my mind I have to make it happen.

After about forty five minutes the thought hadn’t left my mind, I turned a podcast on – of course they were discussing chip shop chips! I took that as my sign, I jumped in my car (invited my family but they were all content at home and thought my need for chips was a little insane) and drove to the nearest chip shop.

I parked up and walked to the shop, I asked for them to be opened, meaning I could eat them immediately. I added a ridiculous amount of salt and vinegar on to them (if we’re doing something then let’s do it properly) I then strolled down the street content, at ease and extremely happy, I ended up walking past my car and following the river edge, as I walked I made a list of all of the things I was grateful for (number one was my bag of chips) and felt content. I stopped at a swing park and popped my empty wrapper in the bin, sat on the swing and felt content. Content on a swing is even better, you’re at peace and you’re flying…it’s a win win situation.

I headed to the car, rang some friend’s and drove home. My little detour lunch trip allowed me to come home revitalise and I carried on with my day. Sometimes a spontaneous solo date is what your soul needs and sometimes it’s chips. In my case it was both.

The risks were low but I’m hoping sharing this silly story inspires you to live bravely, to serve your dreams, your ideas and commit to achieving what you want to do. Often if an idea keeps on replaying there is something in it, looking back I’m unsure if mine was about chips at all? Perhaps I needed a dash of alone time, to get out of the house, a walk in nature…or perhaps I did need chips? We don’t have any guarantees in life, we don’t know when our last chapter may end, but we can eat the chips if we have take action and make it happen.

*the writer of the post takes no responsibility for you the reader now craving a bag of chips, or going on to live an inspired and awesome life.

Don’t wait for the opportunity- create it.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

This blog post was inspired by one of my tribe, I was telling her a tale over the phone and she said ‘Lucy, that’s a blog post’ despite me sounding insane, here it is…

Sometimes we can alter things that no longer serve us, stale relationships or toxic work environments…other things like paying bills and most adult responsibilities still have to be done. I deal with the miserable moments by reframing them, it doesn’t change the action but it changes the way I feel towards the action. Below is the story I shared with my friend.

I really hate putting diesel in my car. It feels like invisible money is being consumed and it’s not the actual act (of getting out of the car and filling the car up) that I dislike it’s paying for ‘pointless things like Diesel’ – I should probably note here, that I’m totally aware that without said product my car won’t run, it’s a necessity and as my job requires me to drive to various places and I opted to live in the countryside – fuel allows accessibility and is an essential…but my inner child just thinks it’s a terrible way to spend money and often a lot of money.

Last year I purchased my dream car. I talk to her all of the time, out loud and as if she were a person. Notice ‘she’ has pronouns and yes I’m that person that named my car. * not all cars, only the ones I truly love.

Last week I was coming out of work and had been in the office all day, as I approached my car I said aloud ‘ooo I love that you waited for me here all day – thank you, I do hope you had a lovely day too’ at which point a man (no idea who he was) said ‘it’s been ok’ – of course he would assume I was talking to him, we were the only two humans in the carpark, my then British upbringing quickly allowed me to reply ‘I’m pleased – and I do hope you have a lovely long Easter weekend’ *cringe. Obviously like any sane woman myself and my car had a good laugh when I was safely locked inside.

I digress, back to the pumps – even with a car I adore, I still hate paying for fuel. It actually makes me feel sad and even if my boyfriend is kind enough to fill it up for me, I still feel naff about the fuel and money situation.

So, I reframed it. I now give my car a once a fortnight vitamin top up. She has a full tank of vitamin B7 that helps her run efficiently, she deserves it, she’s earned it, she’s a legend and deserves the best. I would happily give her a spa day… if she wasn’t a car. I also use to go weekly to top up, but although I don’t run the fuel low (she’s a Queen after all), I find limiting the ‘vitamin top ups’ also helps to raise my positive vibration. Honestly, buying diesel now isn’t an issue like it was.

If you’ve read this far and are worried for my sanity, I fully understand why. I think the fact I know I play games (totally race cars on duel carriage ways that don’t know we’re racing, always thank green lights when they are in my favour….always thank red lights – they’re slowing me down preventing me from coming to harm in the future if I hadn’t stopped) in my head and I’m aware that not everybody else does is ok. Mainly, because everyone else looks a little miserable and for all my faults, I’m honestly a genuinely happy person.

If you’re able to take advice from a lady that talks to her car, then my advice is simple. If you have a chore of part of your universe that gets you down – think about how you can reframe it for a positive. I briefly mentioned the thanking lights game, however often when I stop at lights I see frustrated drivers, sometimes even angry drivers behind the wheel due to a red light stopping their flow – that can’t be healthy for themselves or other drivers on the road? A quick reframe can make a mundane task a little more bearable. Enjoy.

So many kisses, so little time.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Atticus

I’m so excited for 2024, I’m unsure if it’s the even numbers, the hope in my heart or the fact that I’ve been swept up by vision boards and manifesting?

Regular readers will know that I often pick a word to encapsulate my hopes for the year ahead. It helps to build a vision for the year and your personal achievements. For those of you looking to travel, you may like ‘explore’ or ‘clarity’ if you haven’t got a clue what you’d like to achieve! If you are feeling overwhelmed then ‘survive’ is also 100% acceptable, this word is for you and nobody else.

This year my word is bloom.

There are so many aspects of my life that I’d like to blossom in, but this year I will be wrapping it with a bow of romance. Having been in a long term relationship for nearly fifteen years, I don’t actually mean the lovey dovey type. Instead I mean the self love romance, the slowing down and taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures the world offers us. If you think you could do with some romance in your life and the idea appeals then below are some ideas on how you can romance yourself and those around you during 2024.

Buy yourself flowers: a simple idea but I’m not talking about the supermarket type thrown in the basket, instead support small businesses and go to your local florist, take time to pick a selection of the flowers that make you smile. Take them home and display them in a spot that you get to admire them in. You could even extend the love and send some to a friend or loved one for absolutely no reason, which in my opinion is the best reason to receive flowers.

Brunch or coffee date: This requires you to calendar some time to yourself and pre plan some time away from the world. That in itself is a luxury for most, to maximise the time – take yourself to your favourite cafe and enjoy an hour for yourself. Dating yourself is cheaper alone and you can recharge your battery, the benefits also include to having to make small talk although you will guarantee you’ll have to pay the bill.

Bath time: if leaving the house is too complex, simply lock the door to the bathroom and create a mini spa at home. Use the ‘best’ bath salts you have, perhaps a hair mask or face mask and relax. This recharged hour is bound to help you feel sensual and loving, I usually take a hot drink or glass of fizz with me for indulgence. *bath toys are not permitted in sight!

Simple pleasures: often if we take our minds back to the romantic moments of most classic films the ‘aww’ moments are often other people being thoughtful and kind. This year I hope to ‘bloom’ by simply slowing down and enjoying the present moment. Rather than eating breakfast whilst wandering around the house and completing mediocre tasks at the same time as shovelling mouthfuls of cereal in your mouth (full disclosure- this was totally my reality this morning), take two extra minutes to slice some fruit or present your breakfast in a bowl that makes you smile. When having a cup of tea, grab a saucer – add a biscuit of the side ‘just for cuteness’ and pause.

Romance is often about time standing still, whilst most of us don’t have that luxury in our day to day lives, we can often plan to spend two minutes extra on a task that might just make you feel two times better about life.

Romance yourself because you’re worth it and enjoy the ride. If you think of any other ideas then please leave a comment below or reach out to me on social media, as I plan to do all these things in 2024 and more! I may even disappear on a weekend city break at some point and use romancing’ myself as an excuse…

You could be anyone if you put in the time

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Quote by Connor McGregor

Time – the post precious gift we are all guilty of wasting. When I read this quote I instantly thought about several aspects of my own life that I don’t give enough time to, or would like to give more to. I wonder if it’s the same for you?

As we approach the new year you can put your time into huge life changing resolutions, and if you have a plan to pursue your dreams and desires I urge you to throw caution to the wind and go for it…in fact, stop reading this blog post and go and do it now. If however the person you’d like to be is a little healthier, takes on a new habit, develops a new skill then time can be your best friend.

This year I have given time to meditate and to yoga daily. Meditation is now embedded into my daily routine and is non negotiable but yoga is something I want to excel in 2024. I know that I’ve made a huge leap in my daily practise this year, but I am also aware I can do longer sessions and advance is several positions. Yoga is something I will give more time to.

There are many things I’ll do to achieve this, from writing down what the positions are that I’d like to work on, to going to a variety of classes, to making daily practice nonnegotiable. However, none of these are possible without me making time to do this and more importantly prioritising time when there is little to spare.

As we step into the last chapter of this year, who do you want to be? Where do you want to spend your time and perhaps just as important to reflect on, where can you save time? Giving yourself and those around you the gift of your presence is something you can’t buy for from a store, once it’s gone it can’t be replaced. Spend it wisely…

Do more of what makes you happy

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Quote Anon

This is a quick post today to take a moment to reflect. What makes you happy? Perhaps an easier question is what do you enjoy doing? Sometimes ‘happiness’ can feel out of reach and often is experienced as a fleeting moment that comes and goes.

We can often become overwhelmed by the ever growing list of things we should be doing and forget to make time for the things we enjoy simply because we enjoy them. We wait for excuse to celebrate, to break open the fizz or wait for an occasion to make the effort to see loved ones…

Todays advice is much like Nikes slogan: just do it. Book the theatre tickets, book the plane tickets – see the world, or don’t see the world. Grab a cup of tea in your favourite cup, add your favourite snack and read a good book. Step into your authentic place of happiness

You are worthy of a life that makes you smile. A life that is sprinkled with moments of joy. Surround yourself with people that love you and that you love in return and don’t waste your time in relationships you’ve outgrown or people who don’t have your best interests at heart.

If I reflect on many of my happiest moments, the great news is they often financially cost very little, if anything. They always involve my loved ones and some last longer than others. Imagine a world where you prioritised how you felt as much as you made time to remember to put the bins out. Now imagine everyone in the world prioritised their happiness and not just their own, but took others peoples happiness into account. How incredible would that world be and how many of our planets struggles would dissipate? It all starts with a sprinkle of your own happiness and a reflection on what matters to you.

Beauty starts in your head not in the mirror

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from Regina Daniels

Growing up around many different kind of women and then blossoming into one myself, I’ve learnt many things about beauty.

Firstly, I noticed that the women in my life that didn’t love their body shapes didn’t look in mirrors. At least, not large full length creations. Instead small and practical mirrors were used ‘when necessary’ and for practical purposes.

Another woman taught me that beauty was something to aim for, but because it was aspirational but that if you had time to worry about appearances, blemishes and colour combinations then you probably didn’t have many worries in your life.

If I combine these two thoughts alone, then I think that this quote might be slightly off track. I believe that beauty doesn’t start in the mirror and nor does it start in the head. In my heart is where I store my compassion, love and respect. These are needed as a foundation when glaring at self. What you see isn’t always how you perceive your reflection to be and it may tell as different story to the one in your head. Scars can tell magnificent stories of triumph and bravery but they can also bring sadness, despair and shame. Of course to alter the story and be comfortable in your reflection you need to rewire your brain to reframe the memory and this can take time.

Beauty isn’t usually as superficial as the world might let us believe, we often find beauty in unique traits, the small details and the imperfections of others. We often struggle internally to give ourself the same compassion.

When I was 13 years old I was at a party and a boy told me that I couldn’t dance as well as my friend. Instantly I felt scorned, judged and ugly, my instant reaction was to hide. However, I come from a loving home and was raised on a pedestal. I have always psycho analysed behaviour traits in myself and others since forever. I allowed the boy to ruin the party for me, I did stop dancing and I went home early. At home I thought about the minute details of the dancing I had done and what I need to do to improve, then it occurred to me…who the fuck does he think he is? How dare a boy who I barely knew feel he could judge me? By this time, I was fuming and angry that I’d allowed someone I had never invested in, ruin my evening. I don’t believe in holding on to negative energy, I never have and so at school on Monday I approached the boy in my English class (he sat directly in front of me) at the end of the lesson and I asked him if he had enjoyed the party and importantly if he was ok? Confused, he stated that the party was ‘ok’ and that he was fine. I reminded him of the comment he had made to me and that I thought it was odd he had commented, as we weren’t friends and I didn’t realise he was a dance teacher, I ended the rant (to which the boy just stared at me) by thanking him for having my best intentions but that as I was already attending dance classes I wouldn’t require his input in future.

My appearance is nobody else’s concern (unless I’ve once again forgot to put a coat on, then even middle aged I may still need my Mum to remind me), how I dance is nobody else’s concern, I can decide to absorb other peoples views of me, or simply thank them for their time and move on. When I look in the mirror I can choose to view myself with love or criticism. What do you choose?