best life

Failure is success in progress

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Albert Einstein

What a quote! Five words that can reframe a negative into a success is an incredible achievement, especially when two of the five words are ‘is’ and ‘in’ – so it won’t surprise you that at fridge head quarters I am taking this powerful quote and sharing a story about a cup of tea.

I went to a friend’s house to see her gorgeous family this week. Before I arrived she had text me her address and suggested I parked on her driveway. Having never been to her home before I checked when I arrived whether where I had parked (blocking their cars in) was convenient, it transpired that I would need to move as her husband needed to pop out for some milk, as this discussion took place I was aware I was letting the November cold into their home, so I closed the door and the decision was made that he would go a little later. Like all ‘need milk’ plans this didn’t occur whilst I visited.

After hugs and a good natter, my friend offered me a beverage and we relocated to the kitchen to make it. I drink a huge variety of herbal teas so I’m not fussy how my breakfast tea is served, as she went to get the milk we were reminded that her husband hadn’t yet been to the shop. Comfortable without milk, I said it didn’t matter.

As she went to the fridge she remembered she had some oat milk and kindly offered me some. what I experienced next was a taste sensation…the oat milk took my traditional British cuppa to the next level and I enjoyed it immensely.

The immense taste meant I found myself purchasing oat milk so that my homemade cuppa’s could be equal in joy – my friend is now an influencer.

As I drove home I reflected on the cuppa experience, no doubt she felt annoyed that she didn’t have the ingredients she needed to hand, yet the outcome far exceeded my expectations. I thought of all the recipes I’ve cooked where I have had substituted items and things have gotten better, I thought about the Einsteins of the world who have proven theories by error, or whilst on a mission to solve a issue have found solutions for other issues…

Every time I sip my oat milk tea I am reminded that by reframing moments we can enrich our lives, that we are all working progress and we are all a dash of oat milk away from being better. We can’t always control the outcomes of life but we can enjoy the glimmers of joy when they show up. This week stay open to new opportunities, try oat milk in your tea and look for ways to improve moments that present themselves as negative.

You’re a cheeky chops

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

One of the beautiful things about my job is how varied it is. Someone I’m developing policies and working strategically to improve the efficiency for whole schools, year groups or working with individuals, aged sixteen and six foot tall or four years old and full of wisdom.

On Friday I found myself in a Reception classroom with little humans aged between four and five years old. It was the end of the day and the teaching team had the mammoth task of ensuring every small person had all of their personal items on them; Book bags, coats, packed lunch boxes, scarfs and gloves, a comfort teddy and a water bottle, a ruck sack…the next task what to get said items either in the ruck sack or on the little human, for them to waddle out of the door to the warm welcome of their parent or carer.

I did a sweep of the cloak area and found a black coat that a naive parent hadn’t labelled, it was black and purchase from Zara…as the adults looked for the little human without a coat we were struggling to reunite it. A little girl came over to me and prodded my thigh, for the purpose of this story I shall call her Bunches, as that was how her hair was styled. She said ‘I don’t have a coat’ – I showed ‘bunches’ the black Zara number and asked her if this was her coat, she thought for a while but her glaze didn’t convince me it was hers.

At that point a magisterial Muslim little girl came over and said in a patronising tone ‘Bunches, you wear that coat everyday, it’s YOUR coat!’

Bunches smiled at the Muslim little girl and pinched her cheeks ‘you are a cheeky chops’ she remarked, popped the coat on and returned to her space on the carpet. Myself and the other little girl were lost for words.

With the mystery of the abandoned coat seemingly resolved, I laughed at her response, imagining her parents responding with a cheeky chops affection.

Sometimes people (especially four year olds) don’t respond the way we think they may, sometimes people surprise you or in the case of Bunches, she certainly made me smile and giggle. In that moment she taught me a little bit of wisdom, always expect the unexpected and that guidance from friends is always welcome, even if she has cheeky chops.

Cheeseburgers make everything better

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Fridgesays

I feel like before I write this blog I should pay tribute to my British heritage and mention that a cup of tea can solve most problems…but if you are looking to enrich your life, I’d recommend a cheeseburger.

This is the tale of solace and not about burgers at all, so if you are a vegan keep reading and perhaps you’ll find your own alternative. As a household we eat well, I make most of our food from scratch, we aren’t huge snackers and we eat limited quantities of processed food, when creating dinners I am conscious to remove additives that are unnecessary and go to lengths to ensure we eat as many whole foods as possible.

Then there are cheeseburgers.

After the death of my daughter, I had existed on hospital food for far too long. It was just after 5pm when we left the hospital and we (myself and my partner) were driving home feeling everything and nothing. There are moments in life when you can’t explain how you are feeling, simply because the devastation you are holding is beyond human vocabulary. On the way home we drove through the Golden Arches and purchased a meal each. For as long as I can remember I’ve always ordered a double cheeseburger. But that cheeseburger hit a whole new level of nostalgia and taste sensation. Of course, it was a highly processed, low nutrient and a toxic standard product…I imagine it was all of these things that my empty shell needed in that moment. Many women after giving birth recall the white toast and butter served by the NHS the greatest food they’ve ever had. I’m not sure it has any gourmet greatness, it’s just an exhausted woman will find joy in sugar, fats and carbs.

That burger was sixteen years a go and grief process is still one that I’m learning to live alongside…with the help of a cheeseburger.

This is a photo of me in the drive through yesterday.

When the world becomes too much and my adult life is forced into overwhelmed I take myself for a secret cheeseburger.

Yesterday was no different. The Mr had gone out for a dog walk and my son was in his room playing…I knew it was a burger moment, so I called out that I was popping out. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going and I didn’t purchase food for anyone else. Just a single burger (in my case a double cheeseburger), I drove to the arches, ordered via the drive through, ate my burger on the journey home and carried on my day like nothing had happened.

What’s actually occurring on that fifteen minute expedition is solace. I’m giving myself a small gap in my busy world to serve myself. To reconnect with grief and say ‘I see you, I feel you’ and I honour it with a good taste…a cheers to the universe if you like. I don’t need to talk, I do need to be alone and I do need to not serve anyone else. If I had my burger but also got things for everyone at home that wouldn’t serve its purpose, as a working parent all I do is juggle the running home/ work balance and it involves meal planing and pouring nutrients into my ever growing family…as you can see from the photo I’m not emotional, although wet tear filled cheeseburgers have been consumed in the past. What it’s about is prioritising myself. Being alone and not worrying about upsetting anyone else. Catching up with what I need and it’s often not about the burger at all, it’s about being with me, feeling what I need to feel and moving on.

Cheeseburger expeditions can be once or many times a year and never at a particular anniversary- they are always random at random times of day or night – grief never invites itself, it engulfs you during the most mundane tasks. I’ve never explained myself or felt the need to share the experience. It’s just a moment, a fifteen minute pause on life’s ever to do list, but often enough to allow me to return to my family content and rebalance.

Hugs are great and the company of my loved ones is always a welcome addition, even a good cry can be hugely beneficial for the soul, but sometimes (for me anyway) a cheeseburger can get me back on track. cheeseburgers make everything better, like a plaster on a cut knee.

*administer burgers at your own discretion

Talking is good, even if the topic is silly

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote original from Fridgesays

As far back as I can recall my Mum and I have spent time together ‘talking sh*t’ – this means being silly, talking about nothing of importance and absolutely talking for the sake of talking. Sadly, I don’t live in walking distance of my parents, so I will often pick up the phone to ‘talk sh*t’ with her.

Mr F thinks it’s foolish but I’ve always felt it was good for the soul. Talking sh*t isn’t to be confused with gossip – that is often toxic and breeds discontent and negativity. Talking rubbish however, allows adults to play and often begins with a hypothetical scenario or an aspect of make believe.

Last night at the dinner table I asked my son what food he thought of when I said ‘dream meal’ – not what your dream meal is but what image you conjure in your mind, mine is a burger and his is a specific chicken burger, Mr F reluctantly joined in and said that he thought of pizza, he then asked why I had asked and I had to confess it was for no particular reason.

This morning I was in a supermarket grabbing some snacks after Rugby and I thought about last nights chat and whilst I got a pain au chocolat for myself, I got Mr F a pizza slice. As I handed it to him I remarked on how sometimes playing/chat for no good reason at the time allows us to better understand each other and that last nights dinner table banter had resulted in the manifestation of pizza slices, had we not have had the conversation we certainly all would have had pastries. He looked at me, as he often does with utter confusion and walked away.

I read this paragraph in another blog recently

Talking nonsense isn’t frivolous or meaningless. It’s an act of trust and love, a way of saying, “Here’s my unfiltered, quirky self,” and inviting the other person to respond in kind.

And it resonated with me. It made me reflect on my childhood and how, perhaps without knowing it my mother’s conversation with me were one of the many reasons I have such a clear sense of self. They often ended it laughter or a joke that only we shared and even when the topic was of a heavier nature, talking it through in a nonsensical manner meant the mood never deteriorated.

I’ll attach the link to the blog I read at the bottom of this post, it explores topics we have discussed on this blog previously about adults playing, being childish and how positive it is for mental health, but I can see that it’s also enriching as a shared activity, a bond and does allow you to better know those around you. Perhaps this week you might also ask some hypothetical questions over dinner; If you was a dog what breed would you be? If you had to pick a celebrity to be your best friend who would you select and why? The list of talking rubbish is endless but I think it might be the healthiest rubbish your body has ever absorbed. Lastly, a shout out to my Mum who’s always a phone call away to talk to.

As promised, link to article: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-joy-of-talking-nonsense-with-someone-you-love/

Go where you breathe free

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from Butterflies rising

Often in films when a person is dying and reaching for that last breath, they see a cherished flashback of their lives. If you’re paying attention then sometimes whilst living you take a breath, see a view, feel an experience and know deep down in your soul that that image/moment will be in your life’s reel.

Bizarrely whilst watching a series on Netflix this evening I had that moment. It was season two of Luke Cage, in the episode he gets off a bus – no spoilers here, so I’m not revealing where he has been or where he is going but I will tell you he is at peace with his past and looking forward to his future. As he gets off the bus he looks up to the sky and the sun shines down upon him.There are no words but his facial expressions filled by soul. He was blissful and in that moment, despite it being a TV show he evoked a deep feeling of freedom to me. I’ll always remember it.

Why? Because I am truly privileged in that I’ve always had my freedom. I was born free, given opportunities, allowed to make decisions about my path and tonight I will go to bed free…

One of my super powers is gratitude. I am a Jedi Ninja warrior princess of seeing the silver lining. I can turn dark into light, despair into repair and crush hate with a blessing…I don’t get angry, I kill them with kindness.

As Luke looked up to the sun, it wasn’t freedom that I felt, it was a huge sense of gratitude for the freedoms that I often take for granted. Within the series he had lost them, fought for them and faced his demons and in that moment – he had won.

As we run out of 2025 and absorb the last few months it has to offer. I believe it’s easy to get caught in what we didn’t have and forget to hold dear what we had, what we still have and what we hold dear. If you’ve ever experienced a shock, had a panic attack, asthma attack or fainted, you may of also lost your breath – just for a moment , just an inhale…I promise with that next gulp of C02 you felt gratitude for something a simple, vital and often something we neglect; the breath.

To be alive, whatever our circumstances is a gift many have lost, one we will all eventually also loose but one worth waking up for and marking the moment with a salute to a new day, a new breath.

When you next reflect back on 2025 and perhaps set intentions for all that is to come, be grateful for the freedoms we often take for granted, the breath that go unnoticed and the simple pleasures of life, this in turn will make sure that your life’s flash back is one grounded in love, gratitude and joy. That’s a life worth living.

In the end we all become stories

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Without doubt my least favourite thing is people. As a race, we are greedy, thoughtless and selfish towards our planet and those that we live amongst. However, my favourite thing to collect are peoples stories. I realised that my brain is like a library full of events and scenarios that people have shared and I have interpreted. If my brain was a library then my favourite section would be the kindness aisle; stories that contain acts of kindness or random moments of joy, thoughtful exchanges, feeling deeply and unexpected.

Interpretation is personal, I’ve taught the same lesson to thirty teens and know they’ve each walked out of the lesson taking with them a variation on the learning objective. You could tell me a story but how I interpret it and the themes or feelings I feel are all categorised in my personal library. Many times have I read a book and remember moments hidden amongst the main theme that had a huge impact on me, when I attend my book club we always discuss a range of concepts and topics, some of which I didn’t think about when reading the book? I guess that’s the joy in sharing.

Eulogies at funerals always seem unfair and bias to the person who has pulled them together. I recently attended a funeral of a person I worked with, but the eulogy was framed (of course it was) around her being a loving and dedicated mother…that wasn’t the version of her that I knew, the story I told myself of who she was at work. As the eulogy was read I found it baffling and doubted I had known her. However, then I realised how wonderful that my version of her was mine alone.

Perhaps you read this blog because I ask you too (thanks Mum), because you know me beyond the screen, because you like my writing style, topics, rants and thoughts…I hope it’s because I make you feel good. I hope it’s because you feel a little better when you click off the page. I hope the pages of my blog can sometime be found in the kindness aisle of your internal library.

In the end we all become stories, take time to reflect on the stories that make you feel good, wander the aisles of your library and relish the memories you have made that feel a little magical. Should you ever step into the horror section, know it’s a brief aisle, an aisle you can leave and perhaps take a moment to think about where you might sit in other peoples libraries, perhaps you sit in the kindness section of a complete stranger due to an act that had a profound effect on them but is unmemorable to you.

You’re not that important

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote from ‘Blue Sisters’

Easter holidays are great in my opinion as it gives me even more time to read. In the last few days I’ve read four books and I’ve learnt that I like to take phrases, sections of overall moral lessons from books. It’s like learning from a journey without the hassle of leaving the house and you don’t have to worry about passports or tickets.

In Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors, the book reflects on four adult siblings, one has passed away and as the story continues you realise that they each blame themselves, feel they should have done more to prevent the death of their adored sister. Their mother wisely informs them ‘you’re not that important’ and it made me laugh and then reflect.

So often after a bereavement or loss such as job or relationship break down we think we should have done more, could have done something different to alter the paradigm we are now in. It’s also a time when the people around you will give you advice and it’s often deep and comes with a side order of best intensions and love.

That’s why I adore the advice; you’re not that important. People are complex beings that often make self absorbed decisions and forget to look ahead. We’re all often self absorbed that we don’t consider other peoples opinions or how our decisions might affect them. To an extent this is a good thing, if we thought things through thoroughly and weighed up all of the options we may find we’d never leave the house or do anything, we’d also be permanently crippled by anxiety and ‘what ifs’ would leave us paralysed in fear.

That said. we naturally want to help our loved ones and when things take a dark turn it’s natural for us to reflect on what we could of done to prevent the situation. However, we all need a little Mum advice, the best is often blunt and to the point…you aren’t that important. They did what they did because they wanted to. They made that move because they thought it was best, or perhaps they should have done something early but they were too scared or perhaps didn’t think it was important.

We can’t always alter others lives, we can give opinions when asked, we can offer guidance and practical solutions but this isn’t a Disney movie where epiphanies occur at just the right moment followed by a musical encore (disappointing I realise). Instead, listen carefully this week to those that do listen to you, that do make time for you – they think you’re important and don’t be offended by those that don’t. Instead, ensure you listen to yourself. You are the most influential person in your life.

Kindness heals

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Recently I have been the recipient of kindness and I wanted to pass it on. This blog comes with an affiliated link but if that’s not your thing, then just don’t press the link. That said, as always at fridgesays this blog is worth the read for a hopefully warm glow.

In November, I had a period that was so intense it made me vomit. If I can move around I’m usually fine, but mother nature struck when I found myself in a three hour board meeting, wearing a pencil skirt in a room with little ventilation, to say it was less than ideal was an understatement but once I was out of the meeting and able to move I soon felt better. My friend in the meeting, Kelly commented that she saw me go pale before I exited for the ladies facilities. Like a pro I returned but we joked on the way home that there was no way I could have hidden a hot water bottle under my skirt, that is not a pro move, so suffer it was.

A couple of days later in the office Kelly said she had a gift for me:

https://amzn.to/3ESlyf4 (link if you’d like to know more) . It was this box of three heated pain relief pads, that claim to be discreet and last for 12 hours….

Let’s take a pause to thank the gorgeous Kelly for seeing these and thinking of me, that to me is true kindness. Having a tribe of wonderful people around me is the greatest gift a person could ask for.

During my menstruation cycle in January I gave them a whirl and I was blown away! A simple peel of the wrapper and it stuck in place all day and most of the evening. The product provides a gentle heat (not intense as a hot water bottle) and the warmth kept coming. I honestly didn’t believe it would last 12 hours. The pad I used was still producing warmth 16 hours later… who knew iron and carbon could heal pain and how does warmth actually heal? In essence, heat causes the blood vessels in that area to dilate, enhancing perfusion to the targeted tissue. For under £2 for three pads that’s a lot of healing for little expense.

I will certainly be purchasing more, to be able to stick one in place and get on with my day whilst receiving a warm hug where needed is an absolute game changer as a full time working parent. I also plan to buy a few as gifts, one for a friend who really suffers with her menstruation and another who has a daughter about to start her periods. These would have been so handy when I was at school, trying to focus on the lesson content but equally feeling like my uterus was doing the can-can. Kindness matters and whilst I’m grateful to Kelly for her kind act, I’m also an advocate for passing kindness on to others.

Like I said, if you have a sad uterus in your life, click the link and give these a whirl.

observe, don’t absorb

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

It was Friday, the sun was shining and I’d just come out of a wonderful but intense yoga session, I’d opted for poses that were challenging and I’d managed to survive! The class was made up of a group of women and I was pleased to see a man had joined, after all such a practice should be open to all. He was on the other side of the room to me and honestly was irrelevant once the class began, mainly as I went into ‘yoga mode’ where only my mat and me exist against the elements.

Yoga classes are a mental battle of keeping up, keeping still, listening, focus and trying to do my best whilst politely asking my inner thoughts to not become egotistical or full of self sabotage, there’s a lot more than a down dog going on, plus when I’m upside down I often lose track of my left and right.

As I made my way to my car, yoga mat slung over my shoulder the man approached and made small talk about the class. I agreed and upon reaching my car closed the conversation down with a comment about enjoying the weekend.

I beeped the key fob of my car and he said ‘ohhh that makes sense… you’re one of those women, everything perfect and supported by your husband, easy breezy’ – I was stunned and lost for words, we had gone from the adrenaline high of a yoga class, polite chat and suddenly my entire being was being attacked.

I stumbled on words whilst putting my mat in my car and felt his male ego stab me. Then I felt the fire in my soul burn as rage ensued. I said ‘Actually, not that it’s any of your f***ing business but I’m financially independent. If I am perfect it’s because I don’t walk around judging others, see you next week’ I then went to close my door and uttered the words ‘what a sad person’

This is where the magic happened. I have been stumbled and verbally attacked previously, most of us have. I’ve learnt to not give the other person my power nor allow myself to be held down with sadness or anger caused by others. By the time I’d reversed out of my parking spot I was smiling and back to feeling good, reflecting on my class practise and letting go of any negative energy. The rollercoaster of the high of my exercise to the low of being attacked, right back to feeling good was probably less than a minute.

Historically,!I may have driven off in rage, I’m not the type to not verbally retaliate (I’ll work on it as I know there is also power in silence) but I was proud of speaking up but also not entering into a situation. You see any judgement that was made about me was not only incorrect, it wasn’t about me. The insult was about his ability, perception or inner demons, the clear jealous comment was his to own. The fact he felt able to share this shows great privilege on his part and also sadness. My life is too precious to adopt emotions that belong to others, especially someone I’ve never met before.

Should you ever find yourself verbally attacked, or if out of the blue someone’s word are aimed towards you like an arrow. Simply retaliate by taking their arrow and bending it into a boomerang. You deserve to be surrounded by people that build you up, make you feel good and support you. Anything less is responded much like the quote ‘don’t absorb’

Every cell in your body is evesdropping on your thoughts

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

Physical health and mental health are linked, just as wellbeing and illness are opposite ends of a spectrum. The phrase ‘we are one’ has never been more correct. As an adult human you contains around 37 trillion human cells and 200 different cell types, even more wonderful is that these cells are in a life cycle of their own, rejuvenating continuously, so if you don’t feel like the same person you were a year or even a day ago, you’re right – you are now millions of new cells. The body is always moving, adapting and altering, whilst as humans we often hate change, the human body thrives on new cells.

Each of the 200 hundred different types of cells look different and alter to best cope with your unique setting. For example, Cells in the brain may be longer in shape so they can transmit signals more efficiently, whilst cells in the respiratory system are plump as they hold oxygen.

If we don’t feel at ease, our cells respond and the medical profession often call the result ‘disease’… our bodies are vessels that absorb our thoughts and react. So here’s the great news… your thoughts have the power to alter your cell health, think good thoughts and health follows…the downside; in this crazy world of fear and uncertainty, negative thoughts and experience’s often have a negative affect on our bodies. Ever been nervous before an interview and had an upset tummy at the same time? Been stressed and got a headache?

Time to become spiritual gardens. Just like a gardener (of which I am not the best) cultivates the land to create a beautiful open space, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and whether it serves our mind. Gardeners weed and take out invasive plants that can strangle and consume other plants that they want in their garden. Fearful thoughts and worry do the same to our positive thoughts.

Large trees can consume all the light and the smaller plants below can die because they aren’t receiving enough nutrients. Often we can see this in the early hours of the morning where the human brain can take a small problem, a seedling of inconvenience, and in the dark hours of the morning with nothing to distract us we can make that problem humongous and unbearable by catastrophising and going over the same issue several thousand times. However, in the light of day if you speak the issue over with a loved one they will often remind you that the ‘what ifs’ aren’t real and that the seedling issue can be resolved.

In essence, the solution is to think positive thoughts but I appreciate that is extremely hard to do and easy for me to type. However, we can always move to a better thought process. The way we do this is exactly the same as people in the gym become stronger. We need to do lots of repetitive actions (positive thoughts) until it becomes our normal setting. Personally, if something is wrong I always find it best to acknowledge it, but after that I reframe it to the best possible outcome I can visualise, after all 32 trillion cells are relying on me. For example, rather than say you are feeling ill, say you are healing. Rather than punish yourself for being late, appreciate the steps you took to ensure you didn’t completely miss the appointment or the effort it took you to get there. If you have experienced or are experiencing trauma, how can we learn from it? What action do you need to take?

I’m cautious not to ‘Princess positive’ life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often difficult and sometimes painful. Of course positive thoughts won’t miraculously cure you and it’s important to give all our emotions attention, if we begin to feel sad we need to be aware of why. What this quote does remind us is that our cell health is always listening and responding to our environment. So on this Sunday evening (or any evening you happen to stumble upon this article) reflect and take some time to think about where you are in life. What brings you peace, joy and pleasure, are there any aspects that make you anxious and that you can make alterations to? Keeping your cells happy, creates a better you to move into tomorrow.