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My alone time is for everyone’s safety

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote on a tote bag of a lady in the street

I saw this tote bag quote, laughed and then agreed on a deep metaphysical level…we all need time alone.

As an only child I’m an expert at being by myself. I’ll self indulge in all of the things I like to do and have a lovely time, but I prefer it if others are close at hand. For example, I like taking myself off to the bathroom for a candle lit bath, read and hair mask…but I like to hear the family downstairs. My Aunt, also an only child is a whole new level of alone and she can do weeks in her own company…that would make me climb the walls.

Introverts and extroverts both need time alone and time with others, both energise us, it’s just as individuals we all have specific amounts of time we require in each.

If I’m in a city, meeting friends and having various experiences I find the place exhilarating but I’m also drained for days afterwards. A huge advantage of getting older is being able to fine tune your needs and know what you’ll need after an event. If I’ve been to a Wedding or a huge social occasion – alone time after is for everyone safety. It will take my body days to recover and I’m likely to be grouchy and quick tempered if I do have to be in company, made worse if the occasion means I haven’t had time to sleep in my own bed and ground myself.

As we step into a new week, step back and take a look at your schedule, is there anywhere you need to make some time to recharge, be it alone or with others? Sometimes, I find I need to plan things to do with others to look forward to and to get through monotonous days, other times it’s the opposite and I’ll need to cancel events so I can stay home and top up my sanity by not interacting with a human.

How do you help enrich your energy and do you have any tips for sustaining your energy for longer?

Old keys won’t open new doors

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’ve been fortunate to pass through many doors, some old and some new, some in foreign lands and my favourite – my front door to my home.

However, the truth is that not all doorways serve us and not all corridors to those doors benefit us. Ridiculously as humans, we often continue to walk pathway’s that we know don’t serve us…just because it’s familiar and comfortable, often not even noticing that old habits lead to old outcomes.

I find that doorways are often the larger goals in life, so instead let’s focus on the windows. What would you like to see in your life? Take one new ‘vision’ and focus on that. You know yourself better than anyone else in the universe, so how best can you work towards that vision? How can you create time to build a new habit into your day, to prioritise action? Great news, it often doesn’t mean you have to extend your day by waking earlier or staying up later, it usually means you have to think of a habit that doesn’t serve you and swap them over. For example, I spend a lot of time reading each week but I barely watch television. Personally, I adore books and find they enrich my world and whilst I do enjoy small amounts of television, I prefer to watch something with purpose, rather than just because the TV is on. Lowering screen time allows me to build in time to pursue my reading and also means I enjoy the television I do watch when I choose to. These small windows of joy collectively can help you reach your target doorways – whether that be the doorway to health and well-being or a doorway to financial freedom.

However, old keys for doorways from the past that aren’t aligned with who you are or who you want to be are often useless. They keep you in the past and lead to the same familiar places, again this isn’t always a negative but it’s worth taking time to reflect on the doors you do open.

The tongue weighs nearly nothing but few people can hold it

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Quote anon

For readers that know me personally this might be a ‘pot /kettle’ kind of quote. I often lack the filter between my brain and my thoughts and with close people I can often over share. However, I was drawn to this quote for another reason.

Recently, I learnt a lesson that has since altered my perspective of human interaction. I was in a situation where I felt that someone needed to apologise for their behaviour, in general this human is frequently inconsiderate and rude. The interaction was via text (not someone close to me) and I sent the message in the politest tone I could. What came back to me several hours later was a message with no apology and a ramble of excuses, upon reading the text it was also rude and it lit a flame of fury inside of me. Until I realised that any interaction I’ve had with this human has been vile, why would this situation be any different? Why would a person who is inconsiderate be considerate in response?

The lesson is just this, we often expect others to handle situations the way we might, we push our values and societal expectations on others and then…we are shocked when people don’t meet our baseline. A person at a bus stop pushing in front of others, people that litter, people who don’t hold doors for others, narcissists being selfish…the list goes on. The reality that I realised was that perhaps the insane person in this scenario was me. I wouldn’t expect a person who speaks another language to understand English with no support. I wouldn’t expect a toddler to be articulate with their needs and desires. Why would I expect someone who is inconsiderate to act with consideration?

Learning this lesson made me feel instantly relieved. Often interactions with others don’t work out well and that’s ok, this serves two purposes 1) These aren’t your people – keep walking. 2) Interactions are often more about the other persons state of being than you. As such, don’t take it personally.

Holding your tongue isn’t always productive, it can quickly lead to storing negative energy in your body and that often leads to poor health, that said if you can let the negative interaction go whilst holding your tongue, walking away and feeling better – sometimes silence can be the best solution.

If you lost it, would you buy it again?

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Fumio Sasaki

With the first month of the year behind us and warmer and lighter days on the horizon, I can’t help but feel a little hope for Spring. Traditionally a time for decluttering and deep cleaning, I’ve decided to begin early by moving items on.

I’ve currently created a three way declutter option that works for my family, my hope is this post will help you to do the same.

Sell it on: My favourite option (because people often come to your door, which means I can make money from my sofa) is facebooks market place. I will offer to drop off locally, or people can come to my home to collect, for certain items I ‘consider’ posting, working electronic items are great to sell, as often charity shops won’t accept these, although I never post these as they can get easily damaged in the post.

I’ve recently been late to the Vinted party to sell clothes as I don’t find they do well on Facebook but I am no expert. Either way, on average I’ve made between £400 and £800 on Facebook my selling items on each year. The downside is that all my friends that follow me have to look at my old rubbish (sorry)

Charity bag: I constantly have a bag for the charity shop on the go, after a while if it hasn’t sold on Facebook I’ll pop it in the charity shop, smaller items and things I think are more ‘charity’ will also go in the bag. We then drop off a small bag about once a month and know that our items that are in good condition will have a new lease of life whilst raising money for charity. The trick here is to have the bag ready so that it’s easy for you to pop in and not have to to think twice.

Sometimes it’s gotta go: Some items have had their day in the sun, have faded and need to go to the tip, items that are broken and no use. We keep this pile in our shed and this journey happens about four times a year. In an eco world where reuse and recycling is big this can often make people feel guilty. It’s worth mentioning that often the tip will recycle these items and our refuse place has a ‘to good to go’ section where people can pick up bits for free. Free cycle.com is also another site where things that need a little love are often collected by locals for free. However, sometimes things come to the end of their life and thats ok.

The main reason I’m a huge advocate of decluttering is that we don’t need it all, we hugely over consume as a society and I often find that decluttering can become a form of self care, the joy I receive from pulling out a cupboard of junk, going through it (sometimes laughing at the memories) and then reorganising and putting some items back, often makes me feel good. A clean and clearer cupboard often means my head becomes a little clearer too. I also feel good handing a bag of items over to the charity shop knowing they’ll find good homes and a new lease of life.

There are other websites you can sell on, from eBay to depop, and some people prefer a traditional boot sale is the way to shift items…find what works for you, but I urge you to release the items that no longer serve and embrace a little more space in your home rather than over flowing cupboards that resemble a game of Tetris. I promise you’ll feel better with less stuff and perhaps a little more cash in your back pocket.

People generally see what they look for and hear what they listen for

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Quote from ‘To kill a mockingbird’

As a lover of books, ‘To kill a mockingbird’ was a wonderful read I discovered when I was in my late twenties and it didn’t disappoint. I often find with literature that is respected and appreciated over decades that it often hits right, even if it isn’t usually the genre of book you read, you can usually appreciate why others do.

Today’s blog post is a simple reminder for you to refocus your lens on life. We can often get caught within our daily routines in producing outcomes and ultimately a quality of life that becomes predictable and repetitive, there is nothing wrong with that if you are content in your experience. As energetic beings we also attract similar people to our circle and therefore the people around us often have similar goals, interests and outlooks…again, great if you’re content with you circle of friends but this can feel stagnant and even claustrophobic if you desire more.

I recently invited you to ‘play more’ (Click here to read more) and in this post the game we are going to play is based on manifesting our desires into our reality. To believe in your own power we often need to see evidence to inspire us.

Today was spent at a Rugby game in the UK January weather…it’s no surprise that the light rain, wind and cold made for a negative concoction. This seemed to relate to the process our team was having on the field. We needed to see the joy around us, so with the help of a seven year old sidelined little sister we began to see who could see ‘xxx’ first and set each other goals that we completed at the same time. Within minutes we began to see tiny flowers in the mud drenched grass, a disguarded gem (something that sparkles) at the edge of the pitch and suddenly the bleak weather didn’t matter. With our spirits lifted we were magical manifesters and the game results also began to pick up. My son even scored a try.

If you walk into the office expecting to hear gossip and moans…you’ll find them. Instead on route to work lookout for a feather or something purple to help raise your vibration. If you’re greeted my negative conversation in the office, remove yourself and where possible lift your vibrations, this could be as simple as paying someone a compliment or making a cup of tea.

If we do see what we look for, then we need to make sure our expectations are high if that’s the life we wish to attract. Give it a go, you’ll be surprised at what you can attract.

Believe you can and you’re half way there

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

As another week flys by in 2024 and the resolution or challenge you set yourself might be harder to fulfil. At the moment we are watching a series on Amazon prime called ‘Mad Men’ it’s set in the 1950/60s in New York City in an Advertising firm…we are several episodes in but my partner and I can’t get over the amount of alcohol and smoking that occurs. Long alcohol fuelled lunches are the norm and often the house wife is ready to greet her husband with a lighter and cold beverage at the end of the day. The office is a place you can smoke in whilst you work and so are theatres and restaurants …in-fact everywhere, you can smoke everywhere. I can’t imagine going to a doctor now to be examined and him leaning over me with a cigarette on the go? But this was the cultural norm. New Year’s resolutions can often be a culture shift for the individual. You start exercising more, seeing progress but only a few weeks in its easy to be distracted (the weather or a social event) and means your new habit goes out of the window. Your neurone pathways naturally go back to a comfortable older version of you who doesn’t exercise and missing a day can quickly become a lost week, which can easily become a goal that isn’t achieved.

In itself it doesn’t matter, you can pick it back up – but most people don’t. I recently heard a podcast where a man described his friend who ran a marathon with very little training. Whilst I would never advocate for this approach – I’m a firm believer in ‘fail to prepare, prepare to fail’ I was interested in how the man achieved his goal. He completed the marathon in under four hours and he did so by focusing on ‘one more step’

One more step rather than twenty more miles. As humans we often have one more step in us but give up because we look to far into the future and become overwhelmed by twenty more miles…what the man did was stayed positive and focused on the present.

If you are struggling with creating new patterns of behaviour, remember to take one more step. Focus on that you achieved it today, knowing that you will also do it tomorrow…repeat times 365 times and you’ve completed your goal for the year. Small steps, one more step is all you need to begin to achieve your goals. Remember, we can look back at past versions of ourselves and we can be surprised with the progress we have made.

Best of luck with the next step.

So many kisses, so little time.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Atticus

I’m so excited for 2024, I’m unsure if it’s the even numbers, the hope in my heart or the fact that I’ve been swept up by vision boards and manifesting?

Regular readers will know that I often pick a word to encapsulate my hopes for the year ahead. It helps to build a vision for the year and your personal achievements. For those of you looking to travel, you may like ‘explore’ or ‘clarity’ if you haven’t got a clue what you’d like to achieve! If you are feeling overwhelmed then ‘survive’ is also 100% acceptable, this word is for you and nobody else.

This year my word is bloom.

There are so many aspects of my life that I’d like to blossom in, but this year I will be wrapping it with a bow of romance. Having been in a long term relationship for nearly fifteen years, I don’t actually mean the lovey dovey type. Instead I mean the self love romance, the slowing down and taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures the world offers us. If you think you could do with some romance in your life and the idea appeals then below are some ideas on how you can romance yourself and those around you during 2024.

Buy yourself flowers: a simple idea but I’m not talking about the supermarket type thrown in the basket, instead support small businesses and go to your local florist, take time to pick a selection of the flowers that make you smile. Take them home and display them in a spot that you get to admire them in. You could even extend the love and send some to a friend or loved one for absolutely no reason, which in my opinion is the best reason to receive flowers.

Brunch or coffee date: This requires you to calendar some time to yourself and pre plan some time away from the world. That in itself is a luxury for most, to maximise the time – take yourself to your favourite cafe and enjoy an hour for yourself. Dating yourself is cheaper alone and you can recharge your battery, the benefits also include to having to make small talk although you will guarantee you’ll have to pay the bill.

Bath time: if leaving the house is too complex, simply lock the door to the bathroom and create a mini spa at home. Use the ‘best’ bath salts you have, perhaps a hair mask or face mask and relax. This recharged hour is bound to help you feel sensual and loving, I usually take a hot drink or glass of fizz with me for indulgence. *bath toys are not permitted in sight!

Simple pleasures: often if we take our minds back to the romantic moments of most classic films the ‘aww’ moments are often other people being thoughtful and kind. This year I hope to ‘bloom’ by simply slowing down and enjoying the present moment. Rather than eating breakfast whilst wandering around the house and completing mediocre tasks at the same time as shovelling mouthfuls of cereal in your mouth (full disclosure- this was totally my reality this morning), take two extra minutes to slice some fruit or present your breakfast in a bowl that makes you smile. When having a cup of tea, grab a saucer – add a biscuit of the side ‘just for cuteness’ and pause.

Romance is often about time standing still, whilst most of us don’t have that luxury in our day to day lives, we can often plan to spend two minutes extra on a task that might just make you feel two times better about life.

Romance yourself because you’re worth it and enjoy the ride. If you think of any other ideas then please leave a comment below or reach out to me on social media, as I plan to do all these things in 2024 and more! I may even disappear on a weekend city break at some point and use romancing’ myself as an excuse…

Don’t forget to play

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote Anon

Congratulations, whether you’ve had a wonderful Christmas holiday or perhaps things didn’t go to plan – you’ve made it to the other side!

Holidays where groups come together can be idyllic like a Christmas card scene or dry like an over cooked Turkey. This season can mean so many things to so many people; missing absent loved ones, overwhelmed with to do lists, or a rollercoaster of all the above and everything in between.

However, it’s also a wonderful excuse to play! Playing is how young children learn to navigate our world, interact and develop social skills, ignite imagination and it is written in the United Nations convention of the rights of the child, ‘the right to play’ is crucial to allow children to processing emotions and is foundation in their development, for this reason the UN will set up refugee camps in war zones that provide, shelter/safety, water and food and…a play ground if children are living there. Even in our worst times play is necessary, to help us process our traumas and circumstances.

Christmas is a wonderful time of year to allow access to ‘play’ for all ages. Some people gather around the dinning room table for board games and laughter (check out the rules of most board games and they often say ‘age appropriate for 4+ to 99 years) others may gather to sing, put on nostalgic movies that allow our memories to recall events for Christmas’s past, but actually there are many other ‘play’ moments that surround Christmas.

Wrapping presents, pulling crackers, the entire narration of the mystical Father Christmas, lights in shop windows or over and around houses, decorating trees, even giving and receiving gifts has a certain playfulness about it.

As you set goals and objectives for the new year that we are blessed to begin, make room for play too. The serious aspects of life will soon come with or without an invite, don’t leave the opportunity to play in the past as it will enhance your future.

The pen is the tongue of the mind.

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Quote by Miguel de Cervantes

I began this blog on Boxing Day 2014 and have been writing weekly since.

Rarely do I miss a week, but sometimes life has to take priority. There have also been periods of time where I have posted several times a week or the odd spontaneous post that bursts out and needs to be immediately shared. Whilst I would be the first to say that some posts are better than others, some that are repetitive in meaning or vibe…I’m proud of this little corner of the internet. Today, I wanted to share some aspects of the writing process.

Magical memory: I often have no memory of writing posts when I read them back, many are as unique to you the first time reader, as to me the creator. I don’t often read my posts but when I do I’m often surprised by my own thought process. I’m sure within the literature world this has an official term, but to me it’s magical. I initially began the blog as I had an all consuming nine month old baby at the time and needed a place just for me. I’ve always been creative and motherhood didn’t fulfil this aspect of my world. *I also gave birth to a child that’s allergic to craft products, writing and anything ‘arty’ (unless it’s monster related) so knew I needed to look outside the mum gig. That aside, it always fascinates me that I don’t recall writing the words I read back?

I write like I speak: Friends or colleagues that have read my blog has remarked that it’s like listening to me chat with them when they read, again, this probably has an official term but I guess all I’m doing is letting my thought process explode across the screen. It makes sense that it would ‘sound’ like me, after all, everything else I do from the clothes I pick to the food I enjoy all has a sense of me.

It’s cheaper than therapy: I’m very aware that my target audience when writing is often me. Whilst this may sound selfish, I know from comments that the blog often resonates with others but like most things I honestly need to write, like you need to hydrate or relax in-front of the TV. Typing away and fulfilling my duty of completing my weekly post is something I need to do, so even when family life gets frantic my self care process is to find a few minutes to set aside to write to you guys. I often end up writing what I need to acknowledge in my own world, or thoughts that resonate with my experiences at the time of writing.

Give it a go: When I began the blog it was the social media thing to do, most people read blogs about most topics, a little cliche at first, I had a mild case of inferior complex but now it part of my routine. Like most people who have passions, I would certainly encourage you to give it a go. If you ever wanted to write – do it! For me, it gives me a place to leave my thoughts, usually with a positive message or meaning that I hope leaves you the reader feeling a little more seen or less alone in a world that can often be negative. I also enjoy the comments you leave and if I’m honest the stats some posts receive and the places in the world people read it.

Thank you for taking the time to read, especially to regular readers. Extra special thanks to my Mum who has been my editor since day one…and spelling or punctuation issues blame her 🙂 Again, if you think 2024 might be the year you give writing a go, I strongly encourage you to, it’s cheaper than therapy and you may just help others by sharing your knowledge or writing points of interest.

You could be anyone if you put in the time

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Connor McGregor

Time – the post precious gift we are all guilty of wasting. When I read this quote I instantly thought about several aspects of my own life that I don’t give enough time to, or would like to give more to. I wonder if it’s the same for you?

As we approach the new year you can put your time into huge life changing resolutions, and if you have a plan to pursue your dreams and desires I urge you to throw caution to the wind and go for it…in fact, stop reading this blog post and go and do it now. If however the person you’d like to be is a little healthier, takes on a new habit, develops a new skill then time can be your best friend.

This year I have given time to meditate and to yoga daily. Meditation is now embedded into my daily routine and is non negotiable but yoga is something I want to excel in 2024. I know that I’ve made a huge leap in my daily practise this year, but I am also aware I can do longer sessions and advance is several positions. Yoga is something I will give more time to.

There are many things I’ll do to achieve this, from writing down what the positions are that I’d like to work on, to going to a variety of classes, to making daily practice nonnegotiable. However, none of these are possible without me making time to do this and more importantly prioritising time when there is little to spare.

As we step into the last chapter of this year, who do you want to be? Where do you want to spend your time and perhaps just as important to reflect on, where can you save time? Giving yourself and those around you the gift of your presence is something you can’t buy for from a store, once it’s gone it can’t be replaced. Spend it wisely…