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One of a kind

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Avaiai means ‘one of a kind’.

To be one of a kind you need to listening to your intuition and not let others actions or perspectives alter your ‘kind’. You have to feel safe in your own skin and lean in to your own calling, despite society being loud and demanding. You have to comfortable in your actions and authentic in every aspect of your life. This of course is a journey and not a destination but the reward is that every now and then the right people notice.

I was in my local shop dropping off and picking up some parcels. The queue was longer than I would like, but I was content waiting. Behind me a little girl of about six years old was making a humongous decision…which chocolate bar to purchase. She was with her Mum who also had a parcel and they queued behind me. The little girl reached out to my hand bag and stuck her fingers in it (it’s sparkles and it’s a textured fabric – it deserved to be touchedd, I didn’t judge her) and said to her Mum that she liked it. I thanked her and told her a little about it. My handbag is a pink Pearlised set of lips, as life’s too short for black/tan/navy practical bags with useful pockets and effective storage solutions. She then looked up and I complemented her chocolate choice, she replied saying she also loved my jacket. This is a recent purchase and is a light fleece that’s lilac and yellow with large smiley faces all over it. Again, I thanked her, acknowledging her compliment.

It was my turn to be served and whilst that happened I explained that I was a foundation Governor at her school, this was mainly a subconscious message to her Mum to let her know I was a safe adult. The parcel I was collecting was a denim pinafore dress with a pink leopard print design, whilst the little girls Mum was organising her parcels I showed my new purchase to her and we agreed on the importance of pockets and that dungaree straps often bought joy.

I then left and felt fully seen.

At six years old I adored denim dresses, pinafores, cardigans, smiley faces, sparkle, glitter and an impractical bag full of nothing usefulness but fun. Despite nearly forty years passing not much has changed. I still like all of those things and dress for me. Of course, there is a time and place for a smiley face jacket and a little black dress still fits some situations, but I’m most authentically me when children complement me.

You don’t have to reinvent yourself as someone else to be ‘one of a kind’ I’m not even sure it’s always a compliment? I am sure, that I’m the best version of me and the happiest version of me when I dress how I want and spend my time doing things that I enjoy. Don’t worry what others are doing, what they’re achieving or how they are climbing various ladders of life. Make sure you have your ladder in front of you. You can then climb the stairs at your own pace and if you ever want to rest, you can. The best kind of ‘one of a kind’ is when you are authentic to yourself. By doing this you attract similar souls towards you and align with your greatest desires. Plus, everyone loves a special edition.

You’re not that important

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Quote from ‘Blue Sisters’

Easter holidays are great in my opinion as it gives me even more time to read. In the last few days I’ve read four books and I’ve learnt that I like to take phrases, sections of overall moral lessons from books. It’s like learning from a journey without the hassle of leaving the house and you don’t have to worry about passports or tickets.

In Blue Sisters by Coco Mellors, the book reflects on four adult siblings, one has passed away and as the story continues you realise that they each blame themselves, feel they should have done more to prevent the death of their adored sister. Their mother wisely informs them ‘you’re not that important’ and it made me laugh and then reflect.

So often after a bereavement or loss such as job or relationship break down we think we should have done more, could have done something different to alter the paradigm we are now in. It’s also a time when the people around you will give you advice and it’s often deep and comes with a side order of best intensions and love.

That’s why I adore the advice; you’re not that important. People are complex beings that often make self absorbed decisions and forget to look ahead. We’re all often self absorbed that we don’t consider other peoples opinions or how our decisions might affect them. To an extent this is a good thing, if we thought things through thoroughly and weighed up all of the options we may find we’d never leave the house or do anything, we’d also be permanently crippled by anxiety and ‘what ifs’ would leave us paralysed in fear.

That said. we naturally want to help our loved ones and when things take a dark turn it’s natural for us to reflect on what we could of done to prevent the situation. However, we all need a little Mum advice, the best is often blunt and to the point…you aren’t that important. They did what they did because they wanted to. They made that move because they thought it was best, or perhaps they should have done something early but they were too scared or perhaps didn’t think it was important.

We can’t always alter others lives, we can give opinions when asked, we can offer guidance and practical solutions but this isn’t a Disney movie where epiphanies occur at just the right moment followed by a musical encore (disappointing I realise). Instead, listen carefully this week to those that do listen to you, that do make time for you – they think you’re important and don’t be offended by those that don’t. Instead, ensure you listen to yourself. You are the most influential person in your life.

Your legacy is every life you have touched

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Quote by Maya Angelo

This week I visited one of my favourite humans, my Grandads sister who is also my Godmother. she recently fell in her kitchen at home and broke her hip. She is currently restoring her body and soul in hospital. She is ninety four years young and according to her healing in hospital is boring and she’d much rather be at home getting on with things. What a legend.

Above her bed is a sign and my son read it out loud. It said that a light was to be kept on all night ‘as the patient is a little scared of the dark’… she has lived in the same home for over forty years and lives in the corner plot of a cul-de-sac, at the end of her driveway is a streetlight, thus for the last forty years and more she has never truly slept in the dark.

She explained to my son that it was a shock for her and that the first night in hospital was very scary, she didn’t know why until a nurse came to administer some medication and put a light on, but that a privilege of growing older is that just as you think you know everything about yourself, you learn something new and that new fears can occur when you least except them to.

As we left the hospital my son and I shared memories of how incredible she is and how lucky we are to learn from her. The wonderful thing about her is that she probably has no idea how much she means to us, nor how much she has taught and continues to teach us. Perhaps today someone shared something with you, made you feel seen or heard or maybe you interacted with someone and your words touched them. I think having a legacy is often overrated and often over thought when most days we all impact each other without often realising it, I like to think this is our invisible legacy that day by day we add to like a patchwork quilt. Make sure the stitching you give to others enhances them for the better.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax

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Quote by Mark Black

Social media and doom scrolling often get negative comments, in this post I’m going to share why is just made for a wonderful midweek evening activity.

I work full time, I’m a parent and our social calendar is often full with observing our child at various sporting events. Around this schedule we cram in theatre, culture, friends, family and somewhere in the mix I add in all the delights that come with running a house and a dash of yoga for my sanity. I’m a huge reader and I also like to paint for fun.

Our current family lifestyle leaves little flexibility and so in the cracks I make sure I use my week well so that I can relax at the weekend should the opportunity arise (it’s so sad when the pitch is waterlogged).

This evening my son had evening training, so it was an early dinner and then his Dad took him to the training. This left me with a two hour window. After putting on some laundry I sat on the sofa with a cup of tea and scrolled social media…I learnt nothing. Instead I watched toddlers toddle, dogs do cute things, I laughed at people falling over, I smiled at cute quotes and sent funny memes to people who I thought would resonate with the content. I achieved nothing and at the same time as I scrolled it felt good and once I’d finished, I felt good.

Sometimes we need a little ‘junk’ activity in our lives to release us from our routine’s. We are not working ants or bees designed with once deeply ingrained habit/job to pursue. We are diverse beings that require so many things that often require balance…we need to socialise but need our down time, we need sleep but also to exercise, to feel productive, wanted and motivated…and sometimes we need to doom scroll with no learning intention or specific reason. Why? Balance.

Many of the blogs I have written often are about balance as it’s integral to our wellbeing, often when we are unbalanced we are depleted in an aspect of our lives whether that be work or play and that often leads to health issues. I’m not suggesting that we scroll on our phones for hours on a daily basis, but I am suggesting that once in a while it can be productive to be unproductive. However, you only reap the benefits if you are kind with the thoughts that follow. Don’t diet if you feel guilty every time you look lovingly in the patisserie window, or sulk when you didn’t go for the walk you said you was going to but then it rained.

This evening as I caught myself scrolling mindlessly and realised I was enjoying myself, I also gave myself permission to do so. I shall make sure this doesn’t become a habit and instead enjoy it the next time I need a little light release in my often busy day. When was the last time you ate something you don’t usually allow yourself? Watched a tv series that you enjoy or picked up a magazine full on uneducated speculation and ‘ten top tips’ that nobody ever needed? Everybody needs a little sugar in their tea from time to time.

Kindness heals

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Recently I have been the recipient of kindness and I wanted to pass it on. This blog comes with an affiliated link but if that’s not your thing, then just don’t press the link. That said, as always at fridgesays this blog is worth the read for a hopefully warm glow.

In November, I had a period that was so intense it made me vomit. If I can move around I’m usually fine, but mother nature struck when I found myself in a three hour board meeting, wearing a pencil skirt in a room with little ventilation, to say it was less than ideal was an understatement but once I was out of the meeting and able to move I soon felt better. My friend in the meeting, Kelly commented that she saw me go pale before I exited for the ladies facilities. Like a pro I returned but we joked on the way home that there was no way I could have hidden a hot water bottle under my skirt, that is not a pro move, so suffer it was.

A couple of days later in the office Kelly said she had a gift for me:

https://amzn.to/3ESlyf4 (link if you’d like to know more) . It was this box of three heated pain relief pads, that claim to be discreet and last for 12 hours….

Let’s take a pause to thank the gorgeous Kelly for seeing these and thinking of me, that to me is true kindness. Having a tribe of wonderful people around me is the greatest gift a person could ask for.

During my menstruation cycle in January I gave them a whirl and I was blown away! A simple peel of the wrapper and it stuck in place all day and most of the evening. The product provides a gentle heat (not intense as a hot water bottle) and the warmth kept coming. I honestly didn’t believe it would last 12 hours. The pad I used was still producing warmth 16 hours later… who knew iron and carbon could heal pain and how does warmth actually heal? In essence, heat causes the blood vessels in that area to dilate, enhancing perfusion to the targeted tissue. For under £2 for three pads that’s a lot of healing for little expense.

I will certainly be purchasing more, to be able to stick one in place and get on with my day whilst receiving a warm hug where needed is an absolute game changer as a full time working parent. I also plan to buy a few as gifts, one for a friend who really suffers with her menstruation and another who has a daughter about to start her periods. These would have been so handy when I was at school, trying to focus on the lesson content but equally feeling like my uterus was doing the can-can. Kindness matters and whilst I’m grateful to Kelly for her kind act, I’m also an advocate for passing kindness on to others.

Like I said, if you have a sad uterus in your life, click the link and give these a whirl.

observe, don’t absorb

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Quote Anon

It was Friday, the sun was shining and I’d just come out of a wonderful but intense yoga session, I’d opted for poses that were challenging and I’d managed to survive! The class was made up of a group of women and I was pleased to see a man had joined, after all such a practice should be open to all. He was on the other side of the room to me and honestly was irrelevant once the class began, mainly as I went into ‘yoga mode’ where only my mat and me exist against the elements.

Yoga classes are a mental battle of keeping up, keeping still, listening, focus and trying to do my best whilst politely asking my inner thoughts to not become egotistical or full of self sabotage, there’s a lot more than a down dog going on, plus when I’m upside down I often lose track of my left and right.

As I made my way to my car, yoga mat slung over my shoulder the man approached and made small talk about the class. I agreed and upon reaching my car closed the conversation down with a comment about enjoying the weekend.

I beeped the key fob of my car and he said ‘ohhh that makes sense… you’re one of those women, everything perfect and supported by your husband, easy breezy’ – I was stunned and lost for words, we had gone from the adrenaline high of a yoga class, polite chat and suddenly my entire being was being attacked.

I stumbled on words whilst putting my mat in my car and felt his male ego stab me. Then I felt the fire in my soul burn as rage ensued. I said ‘Actually, not that it’s any of your f***ing business but I’m financially independent. If I am perfect it’s because I don’t walk around judging others, see you next week’ I then went to close my door and uttered the words ‘what a sad person’

This is where the magic happened. I have been stumbled and verbally attacked previously, most of us have. I’ve learnt to not give the other person my power nor allow myself to be held down with sadness or anger caused by others. By the time I’d reversed out of my parking spot I was smiling and back to feeling good, reflecting on my class practise and letting go of any negative energy. The rollercoaster of the high of my exercise to the low of being attacked, right back to feeling good was probably less than a minute.

Historically,!I may have driven off in rage, I’m not the type to not verbally retaliate (I’ll work on it as I know there is also power in silence) but I was proud of speaking up but also not entering into a situation. You see any judgement that was made about me was not only incorrect, it wasn’t about me. The insult was about his ability, perception or inner demons, the clear jealous comment was his to own. The fact he felt able to share this shows great privilege on his part and also sadness. My life is too precious to adopt emotions that belong to others, especially someone I’ve never met before.

Should you ever find yourself verbally attacked, or if out of the blue someone’s word are aimed towards you like an arrow. Simply retaliate by taking their arrow and bending it into a boomerang. You deserve to be surrounded by people that build you up, make you feel good and support you. Anything less is responded much like the quote ‘don’t absorb’

Every cell in your body is evesdropping on your thoughts

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Quote anon

Physical health and mental health are linked, just as wellbeing and illness are opposite ends of a spectrum. The phrase ‘we are one’ has never been more correct. As an adult human you contains around 37 trillion human cells and 200 different cell types, even more wonderful is that these cells are in a life cycle of their own, rejuvenating continuously, so if you don’t feel like the same person you were a year or even a day ago, you’re right – you are now millions of new cells. The body is always moving, adapting and altering, whilst as humans we often hate change, the human body thrives on new cells.

Each of the 200 hundred different types of cells look different and alter to best cope with your unique setting. For example, Cells in the brain may be longer in shape so they can transmit signals more efficiently, whilst cells in the respiratory system are plump as they hold oxygen.

If we don’t feel at ease, our cells respond and the medical profession often call the result ‘disease’… our bodies are vessels that absorb our thoughts and react. So here’s the great news… your thoughts have the power to alter your cell health, think good thoughts and health follows…the downside; in this crazy world of fear and uncertainty, negative thoughts and experience’s often have a negative affect on our bodies. Ever been nervous before an interview and had an upset tummy at the same time? Been stressed and got a headache?

Time to become spiritual gardens. Just like a gardener (of which I am not the best) cultivates the land to create a beautiful open space, we need to be aware of what we are thinking and whether it serves our mind. Gardeners weed and take out invasive plants that can strangle and consume other plants that they want in their garden. Fearful thoughts and worry do the same to our positive thoughts.

Large trees can consume all the light and the smaller plants below can die because they aren’t receiving enough nutrients. Often we can see this in the early hours of the morning where the human brain can take a small problem, a seedling of inconvenience, and in the dark hours of the morning with nothing to distract us we can make that problem humongous and unbearable by catastrophising and going over the same issue several thousand times. However, in the light of day if you speak the issue over with a loved one they will often remind you that the ‘what ifs’ aren’t real and that the seedling issue can be resolved.

In essence, the solution is to think positive thoughts but I appreciate that is extremely hard to do and easy for me to type. However, we can always move to a better thought process. The way we do this is exactly the same as people in the gym become stronger. We need to do lots of repetitive actions (positive thoughts) until it becomes our normal setting. Personally, if something is wrong I always find it best to acknowledge it, but after that I reframe it to the best possible outcome I can visualise, after all 32 trillion cells are relying on me. For example, rather than say you are feeling ill, say you are healing. Rather than punish yourself for being late, appreciate the steps you took to ensure you didn’t completely miss the appointment or the effort it took you to get there. If you have experienced or are experiencing trauma, how can we learn from it? What action do you need to take?

I’m cautious not to ‘Princess positive’ life. As I mentioned earlier, it’s often difficult and sometimes painful. Of course positive thoughts won’t miraculously cure you and it’s important to give all our emotions attention, if we begin to feel sad we need to be aware of why. What this quote does remind us is that our cell health is always listening and responding to our environment. So on this Sunday evening (or any evening you happen to stumble upon this article) reflect and take some time to think about where you are in life. What brings you peace, joy and pleasure, are there any aspects that make you anxious and that you can make alterations to? Keeping your cells happy, creates a better you to move into tomorrow.

The art of observing and not absorbing

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Quote Anon

If you are naturally an empathetic soul then this quote will be your life’s work to not take on others struggles like a comfort blanket. However, we all misinterpret boundaries at times and need to check in with when to care and when to walk away. Not everyone wants to be rescued, not everyone can be rescued and saving them isn’t always down to you.

One of my favourite downtime activities is to people watch. To look at strangers from across a cafe and decide alongside my imagination what life has served them to bring them to this moment, what they are discussing in that moment and why they are in the cafe. I usually give them names and whilst I add details that probably overdramatise the situation, I sip my tea and walk away. It’s purely an observation activity.

In life and with loved ones, friends or family, we can share opinion’s but we can’t force them to take action, this is actually a blessing. My job title has the words ‘Adviser’ in it, and I often highlight to clients when they are hesitant about my advice that my job title isn’t ‘must be followed’ and that they do not need to take my guidance. There is something empowering about realigning with your own instincts.

If you do find yourself absorbing others energy it can be exhausting, stressful and as you absorb there negativity you can find yourself becoming ill. The great news is that you can do something about this. This scenario involves you. Even when you feel you don’t have the power, that the timing isn’t perfect (it never is), you can take action. So much of our screen time these days involves blockbuster hero movies with dramatic ‘save the earth in under 48 hours’ story lines, again we can forget that, in real life the action may be small, it may be you carving time away from the person or not responding to every text message instantly but it can have a huge benefit to your quality of life.

As we enter a new year and might consider keeping our body in better condition, remember that it isn’t just the food that we absorb, but that our bodies is well due to the company we keep too. You deserve the best, so make sure the time you spend is with people who enhance your existence and are calming to be around.

Life is short and it’s here to be lived

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Quote by Kate Winslett

When you are fabulous you don’t need to take any dramatic action in January. I honestly believe the month is for snuggling through, lighting candles and being gentle to yourself. The skies are grey and the mood, absent of Christmas twinkle can be heavy. Nobody needs to reinvent themselves, to put on Lycra and pound the pathways at 5am. Unless you are a rabbit then lettuce is also not necessary to consume, it’s out of season and what your body needs is comfort and warmth…in fact now I’ve given it some thought I have a odd feeling that not even rabbits are meant to eat lettuce? Isn’t it bad for them? In which case lettuce is probably catastrophic for you to munch in January.

I did make an incredible New Year’s resolution about seven or eight years ago and I’ve stuck to it ever since. I decided to not purchase items of clothing without pockets. Pockets bring me immense joy and let’s face it, they’re useful. So I’m not anti New Year’s resolutions, in fact in the same spirit as pocket power, I’m planning a similar resolution this year. Something that adds to my existence not makes me cold, sad and inadequate.

I’m not a sweet toothed princess, but I do really enjoy dark chocolate. I often have a piece each evening, a square from a generic supermarket purchase bar…for Christmas Mr Fs parents bought me some perfume and some very posh chocolate. The box was gold and came wrapped in a beautiful gold bow. Tonight the house is empty (the boys are at Rugby training) and I made myself a hot drink, snuggled in front of the fire and remembered the posh chocolate.

As I opened the box it felt indulgent and exciting. The ribbon was too beautiful to be discarded so I placed it in my hair. I then had the best decision to make – which chocolate to select! I went for a dark chocolate with little pieces of coconut on top. I then closed the box and I’m already looking forward to tomorrow evenings choice.

With the ribbon firmly in my hair, I made a decision: this year I will purchase hand made chocolate (locally sourced where possible) and each evening I will have one delightful bite of joy! Why? Because it makes me happy, because everyone needs more ribbons in their ribbon box (it’s true the majority of women have a ribbon box, much like men have little trays of odd pieces of metal and a draw full of cable ties) and I love the romance of ending each day with a little moment of indulgence. This resolution is already exiting me. I’ll absolutely keep to it and it will improve my chocolate experience and support local businesses.

If you are looking to upgrade twenty twenty-five then make sure it is something that will bring you joy and happiness, we can bring back salads in the warmer months and snuggle our way through the colder months. Resolutions are something to stick to, so make sure anything you decide enhances your experience of life.

Quiet places and soft moments

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Quote by Franchella

Warning this post contains joy and indulgence, some readers may be allergic.

It’s blursday, somewhere between Christmas and new year and I’m in front of the fire, snuggled and content. This my wonderful readers is the dream. If you turn on your tv or scroll the web, the commercials will tell you that you need to lose weight and that their product can help, that this year you’ll achieve your dreams…let me share with you a wonderful moment ahead of the glitz of Christmas.

I was sat on my sofa at home, snuggled under a homemade blanket, it was freshly washed (guests due to arrive within twenty four hours) and Mr F bought me a huge mug of hot peppermint tea. It was quiet (an odd occurrence in my home) and I was watching the lights and decorations on our Christmas tree sparkle, the TV was off. The magic of Christmas shouldn’t have begun but my heart felt full. Perhaps it was the anticipation of what was to come or perhaps it was simply perfect.

Over the last few days of Christmas festivities, my Mum mentioned that the highlights of this Christmas were the small things, that in life often pleasure is found in the simple moments. It was a welcome lesson I’ve relearnt many times and always brings me joy. Giggles on a dog walk, a left over sandwich (far superior than the grand meal from the previous day), seeing the sun attempt to shine, thoughtful gifts…simple pleasures, a wink, a smile, a hug.

About a week ago I purchased a pink fluffy jacket for a friend and when it arrived from Vinted I was envious, I tried it on (mistake one) and whilst it was a little big for me it was joyfully snuggly. Mr F thought I’d purchase it for myself and I explained my jealous situation. I couldn’t deny my friend the fluffy joy, but could I deny myself? Then I had a melt down, this isn’t uncommon in my household. Sometimes my princess ways bubble out of control, Mr F said I should just keep it…but my conscious wouldn’t allow it. He asked how much it was – Topshop, £4 and then he said ‘buy yourself another one’…what a man ladies and gentlemen! So I scrolled and I found one in my size with labels for £5…today it arrived and I am wearing the pink fluffy jacket and the goodness continues. My friend and I can now twin and wear them at the same time, we’ll look like giant marshmallows or Care Bears. I don’t feel bad as I didn’t deny her pink fluff joy and I indulged myself so I’m happy too. Where’s this going?

Sometimes a five pound jacket makes you happy, sometimes moments of quiet can refill your cup and soft fabrics can warm your soul…as we head out of blursday and into the new year, be kind to yourself. Eat well but eat happy, look out for glimmer moments that remind you life is good. So many people search for big dreams when I honestly believe peace, warmth and stillness is an achievable dream for us all. If you want to create this dream then vinted have plenty of pink fluffy coats (we can all twin!) …don’t deny yourself small pleasures and don’t underestimate the joy in the quieter moments that life can offer, you just need to be still long enough to enjoy them. Blessings.