Author: Fridgesays

I wish you a kinder sea

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Quote Anon

I’m privileged to live near the sea and much like most aspects of nature, I love the sea in various conditions. Pebbles and sand beaches, stormy and powerful tides that make you feel energised and invigorated as the wind whips your hair and the sea spits out white foam, flat calm seas that are joyful when we have the paddle board out, often leaving me feelings balanced and joyful, then there are tidal waves that have always a melody to them as they rise and fall. My favourites are all the in between seas too…a little windy but ‘not too choppy’ or the warm sea that is wonderful to paddle your feet in as dusk falls and the wind begins to pick up.

If we think of the sea as a humongous living metaphor for life, then it makes sense that it has so many variants. Sometimes we can feel like we are drowning in endless battles as the waves of life sweep us off our feet and at other times we enjoy the sea salt kisses the spray brings, the warm tides that tickle our toes and envelope us like a hug – so often I leave the sea feeling cleansed and renewed.

Life with its ups and downs, often can feel as unpredictable as the sea…one minute you’re paddling through effortlessly and the next you are out of depth and struggling to keep your head above water. Sometimes if you turn your back to the sea you can quickly find the waves can whisk you on the floor with a soggy bottom and you are left bemused wondering how it even happened?

As the quote states above – I wish you an kinder sea. One that forgives, a life that cleanses your soul but also gives you joy. I do believe that dark stormy tides are moments in life we can learn from, build strength and resilience from and ultimately can be an opportunity for personal growth.

I wish you a kinder sea that gives you freedom to explore, that leads you to new voyages and lands afar. I wish you a kinder sea that allows you to see your worth, I wish this for everyone.

Perhaps me wishing isn’t enough? Perhaps we need to observe and reflect on the sea we have in front of us and treat it accordingly. When danger appears, we need to have the tools to protect ourselves, reaching for our self care life jackets, when the sea is absorbing us we need to build boundaries and see defences to keep it at bay. Lastly but essentially, we need to treat those around us with the kindest we wish to have. You can be a kind sea if you are poisoned with sewage or negative energy such as envy or doubt.

I will keep wishing for kinder seas and I hope to live in a kinder sea myself. I know I need to take my eyes of the horizon and enjoy the sea below, the where I am now. But as a seasoned sailor I also know the horizon is not always my friend, that in can alter my course at any moment. Let’s all wish for kinder seas.

Sometimes miracles are just good people with kind hearts

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from the poet cafe

I adore this quote. It’s true, most of the joy that reaches us, the moments we thought might never happen – they took an army of smaller moments and sometimes people to make happen.

Much like a ripple in a pool of water I’ve always felt that good vibes, happiness and miracles happen because of two ingredients.

The first is belief. Choosing to see the best in life even when you’re aware there are shadows of doubt. You ignore these shadows and give your full attention to the glimmers of joy, you reframe the negative to see the outcome you wish to see. You are not naive to the shadows (this is how they bite you) but you starve them from fear, worry or your attention. You instead feed your soul and perspective with positive energy. Here’s a simple example a neighbour said to me ‘phew it’s too hot today for me’ and I decided to not feed her negative energy, instead I responded with ‘im loving that my washing has dried so quickly – the laundry basket is empty!’ She then responded to my energy and told me about her washing…small moment that add momentum to future miracles.

The second is showing kindness above the every day ‘opening of doors’. I am very proud to have had two friends donate kidneys, one to their spouse and the other to her cousin. The gift of life. WOW if that doesn’t resonate with ‘good people and kind hearts’ although maybe in this example the quote should be ‘good people with kind kidneys’ then nothing can. Actually, we’re all here due to human connection, if we’re lucky we were born by two kind humans in love, with a dash of the miracle of science.

To receive miracles you have to be open to receiving them, you don’t need to plan how they occur or when…just what you’d like to see, feel and become. The rest is patience, belief and usually some good people around you. Spend some time this week thinking about what you’d like to receive, it could be small or big the universe isn’t bothered by size. Just be authentic to your needs and desires. Meanwhile look for the smaller miracles that others miss.

Back to school

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Not really a quote?

I have lived the majority of my life within a school setting, as a result September it a ‘new year’ moment for me, time to reflect and of course purchase new stationary.

With my new diary updated and my fresh pens out of the pot, it’s also a time that I reflect and also establish new goals for the coming ‘academic’ year. This year the little dude is in his last year of Primary school. I’m excited for the opportunities he’ll have and also closing his village school chapter as he spreads his wings (and probably loses all of his new stationary in the process) into secondary school life.

As a result I have a very simple goal. To be in the present. Rather than planning ahead or worrying about things that haven’t happened (future lost stationary) I am going to try and be more present, enjoying and appreciating the moment. We know life flies at a hundred miles an hour and as a parent you do have to make plans ahead of time, certainly as a working Mum I also need several arms completing various tasks at the same time…but pausing and taking in the moment is something we can sometimes over look.

Today (Sunday) my son returned to Rugby training, another season welcomed us in and I realised that the new term had already begun. My plans were to get home, prepare dinner, clean and get organised for the school week ahead…instead I’ve decided to abandon the kitchen chaos and instead, as a family we are going paddle boarding. Why? The sun is out (not something that has been observed much this summer holidays) and I feel the need to drink in the last moments of summer. To capture the most of us as a family in this moment.

To help me focus on the ‘now’ I’m going to move my gratitude diary that I complete every morning to the evening, so that I can reflect on the day and the little moments it holds.

Back to school can mean anxiety for many individuals and if that’s your child, I would recommend getting them to focus on a small part of the day (getting ready or travelling to school) and taking the day in bite size pieces. When they return home, without sounding too PollyAnna, whilst they might have concerns to share with you it useful to balance out emotions by reflecting on a few moments that they did enjoy.

May I take this moment to thank the staff at the schools that support our young people and wish all the students the best of 20023-24. Education is a gift for those brave enough to embrace it rather than ‘go because I have to’ and with an open mind (hard for some children I appreciate) often it leads to incredible opportunities.

You already have what it takes

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There are many theories and entire podcasts / books and resources on what it takes to be high performance. Entrepreneurs and people who are the best in their field at what they are great at can give you ‘10 tips’ or ‘7 things you can do today’ and as a result I’m going to share a secret with you. They aren’t that special, we all are. Yes that includes you!

Whilst a handful of things are helped with ‘natural ability’ if you want something and you dedicate yourself to it – it’s yours and if you don’t get to your final destination with what you want to achieve, I can promise that with practice you will get better. We all will.

Yesterday at the dinning room table my son asked me what pose I found the hardest in yoga, I said I couldn’t answer that but I could if he’d let me reframe the question. At the moment I’m working on my forward fold, it’s not a complex move but years of high heel wearing mean my hand strings are tight and when I go into a forward fold my head and knees are currently worlds apart, as a result I’m working on my forward fold daily until I master it. He smiled and said ‘that’s a good attitude to have’, since I began my daily yoga practise and booked into classes I can feel my body responding, progressing and heading towards the type of practise that I want to achieve, however the destination for my health and wellbeing are hundreds of hours of practises away. Mean while, I’m content in my daily mat time making millimetre progress and enjoying the journey.

What does it take? Honestly, I don’t think it matters what you want to achieve, I think you just need to decide you’re going to achieve it, then take the necessary steps to move towards that goal. If you miss the goal, at least you lived a full life trying. I know I would reach my goal far quicker if I jumped on a flight to India and did a months intense retreat or teaching practice but missing a month without my son is non negotiable and family life and all the responsibilities that come with it aren’t something I’m prepared to ignore, so my pathway to my yogi future will be slower and with my own limitations and priorities. What I will do is what I can. Again, this sometimes means making sacrifices or removing people / objects that no longer serve you or the direction you wish to go in. All I know if my next destination is a forward fold, what do you want to achieve?

Enjoy the journey

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Quote Anon

This morning myself and family set off to the red woods on a dog walk. The sun was kind and it wasn’t too warm, so we walked further than intended. On the way back (about 20mins from the car) we came across a really wet and muddy area where a herd of cows had been. I wasn’t that keen to walk across as I was wearing some old but low rise white converse. The Mr stomped across with the dog and suggested that my son and I could ‘walk around’ and he would walk on. Without hesitation I accepted the diversion and myself and my son set off, back from the direction we came…

This is where perhaps this post should be titled ‘miscommunication. The Mr literally meant to walk around the field and come in from another entrance, I thought he meant to walk back much further at a point he could pick us up from…so on we walked. About half way over a huge hill I thought I’d better check and gave the Mr a call. He’s phone was switched off. We kept on walking with high hopes and singing some AC/DC that was making my son giggle. We got to the designated place and waited…

Once we waited we waited some more. At this point we had covered at least 8 miles without a drink or snacks, it was beyond lunch time and the ‘hangry’ pains were kicking in. What to do? The plan after our walk was to make our way to a local ice cream place.

I thought of several options, but in the end we decided to walk back the way we came and through the mud. We didn’t stress and we enjoyed the journey, ignoring hunger and thirst we spoke about how the extra couple of miles we had now walked deserved a double scoop…we imagines flavour combinations and enjoyed the scenery. This was mainly the mud causing cows, one of which we named ‘bra’ – this was because I said she looked like a Deborah and my son thought she looked like a Brenda…so we went with ‘bra’ from both our suggestions. Bra was actually confident and a little too quick for my liking, but with the thoughts of double scoops in our minds kept up pace with our feet.

Back up on the high hill again, my phone received a call – the Mr had realised things hadn’t gone right, headed home to grab his phone and we explained we were heading back. He said he would wait in the original spot.

Breathless but safely at the car, we made a victorious and much needed calorie stop at the ice cream parlour – when we arrived I asked my son what flavours he wanted and he said ‘actually one scoops enough’ we then chatted that the miscommunication and chat about the double scoops was much more fun that the reality. It made me think of the quotes that highlight enjoying the journey and life not being about the destination…

Perhaps this August you are setting off abroad on your own adventures, or perhaps you have a dog that needs walking. Enjoy each step, don’t stress about departure times and should you experience delays make them work for you! Grab an extra drink, kick back and enjoy the journey, whilst I’m not against two scoops in life, sometimes it’s the thought that keeps you going.

Plant hope and watch it grow

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Anon

For those that are regular readers (thank you) you’ll know I am not a massive fan of humanity. Dogs, they’re awesome. Humans, are far from wonderful. I include myself in that, I’m aware the choices I make aren’t always in the interest of the planet, the words I use are not always the kindest…humanity is a gigantic working progress and as a species, our end of year report would say ‘working under expected levels, needs to improve’

Sometimes we can be hurt by others, whether the harm was intentional or not. It can leave us reflecting on why humans are vile, often we don’t deserve the reaction or behaviour put upon us. However, while negative behaviour is never okay, it often has a logic when you take a step back. *taking a step back is difficult.

Often those that need the most love, are the hardest to love. When I’m working with a traumatised five year old, who is hitting, biting and scratching the INA (individual needs assistant), stepping back you can see the child is in crisis and it doing these things because they don’t know how to communicate safely how they feel yet. When I speak to the INA, they often (in the moment of getting hurt themselves) can’t understand why the child hit them. Questions like ‘he was fine this morning when he came in, I don’t know why he kicked me? I’ve the one that got the Lego out like he wanted’ …sometimes it’s not about the INA (who side note, need paying better and in many cases given knighthoods) it’s about the internal world for that little person.

I don’t personally believe in God, but I do believe in energy and many of the universal laws. For ease of sharing, I’m going to use the word God and prayers in this next section to convey my thoughts, feel free to edit the word God for whatever works for you.

If we imagine that each human on the planet is a vessel. Some more full than others, perhaps when one vessel is in need and asks God for help, God takes from another vessel to answer that prayer. Perhaps if you’re a human who has given something in a relationship and got little back, God was sharing your love and compassion to answer the prayer of someone who has little love in them. As they have such little love they can’t give it back in exchange as you can. Maybe, God uses each of us to answer the prayers of others and at the time, although we are ‘helping’ because we don’t realise it’s an act of God we feel hurt when the relationship doesn’t feel equal.

Again, this doesn’t mean it hurts any less when others ‘abuse’ your good will, but somehow knowing that in that moment they need it, knowing that in that moment I couldn’t give that to them – it’s like planting hope. We all exchange energy all of the time, inhaling and exhaling. We all have the choice to evoke boundaries, or perhaps in this case ‘lids’ when we don’t wish to share our the contents of our vessel any further. I love the idea that we can use our lids to let God know when our own vessels are no longer available to others.

This week, love those who need it a little more, try not to take their reactions personally (after all their reaction belongs to them) and perhaps in the next few months humanity’s report card might return with ‘better than expected’. Also, if in doubt put a lid on it and protect your contents.

When somebody told me I live in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn

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Quote Anon

Warning: No unicorns or mythical beasts were harmed in the creation of this blog post.

Being an adult is hard. Having responsibilities is hard, making decisions – hard…living in a bubble of denial, easy! If you’re weighed down with the admin of life here are my recommendations for climbing into a bubble of joy and how to do it.

How to get inside the bubble: This is a complicated process but in essence you take yourself off into your 14yr old self, without the body phobia and home work. Generalising hugely here; fourteen is the age where you’re independent enough to go and do cool things but you’re not responsible for how you get there, get back or any ‘life’ choices such as how to pay for things or making sure you’ve eaten. As a 90s child if I picture myself at 14 in my happy place, that’s probably my bedroom sitting on my blow up electric blue chair (bought from The Gadget Shop – if you know you know), watching what I want on my own tv, with my bedroom decorated how I wanted it, every few hours my Mum calls me down for food. Let’s pull this a part… I don’t contribute to the decor a part from opinions (teenagers are great at these) and I didn’t worry about cracks appearing, noises from the boiler that don’t sound ‘normal’, nor did I worry what the food was that I was eating until I arrived at the table. I didn’t have to defrost items for tomorrows dinner, plan ahead…it was easier. Of course being a teenager is extremely complex in every other way but what I’m attempting to highlight is, I didn’t need to look at the bigger picture.

Issues with being in the bubble: Once absorbed in your care free bubble of joy and delight, be cautious – you can become so absorbed in your new world and all the choices you don’t have to make…you can starve. In my house, I buy the food, prepare the food and cook the food. If I don’t buy, prepare and cook – we starve. Fourteen year old me doesn’t worry about these things and there have been evenings where Mr F has said ‘what’s for dinner?’ and I reply ‘chicken surprise’ we all know this translates as ‘I got the chicken out the freezer but since then I’ve been in my bubble and haven’t given it a thought’ I then drag myself reluctantly out of my bubble and realise I’ve forgotten to eat since dinner time the previous evening before.

Balance: Often in this blog we discuss balance. The bubble really comes into is own when you balance the bubble with everyday life. For example, it’s Sunday and Mr F makes me a cuppa in bed. I scroll through insta, meditate, read and sip my tea slowly waking for the day ahead (the bubble), then I get up and defrost some bits for dinner (adulting), then pick or even plan moments to avoid adult life. Any form of escapism works here; reading, podcasts, listening to music with headphones in, walking the dog alone, anything creative with give you bubble bliss BUT at some point I bounce back into adult life and reply to emails, or hoover or complete a list of jobs that won’t do themselves.

In the office I can ‘tippy tap’ (this is what my son refers to as typing) away and respond to correspondence and listen to conversations. If the conversation doesn’t serve me (by this I mean ‘makes me feel good’) then I can slip into my bubble and not participate. If events are out of my control I step into the bubble, if I find myself thinking sentences that begin with ‘But what if’ I step into the bubble and float off.

In the bubble it’s about me and feeling good, whilst not the most productive place to be, it’s far more healthier than worrying for worries. You can ask yourselves questions like ‘If I had a unicorn what would it be called?’

Alan. I would call my unicorn Alan. If you too are now wondering what you would call your unicorn then I warmly welcome you to the bubble.

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together

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Vincent Van Gogh

Friday 7th July I went to see the Van Gogh experience. It was made all the more magical not only by the company of a genuine friend who I adore but towards the end of the visit the last few visitors left and we then found ourselves in a private viewing situation. The amount of privilege I felt and the emotion of the experience in itself was overwhelmingly incredible. Truly an experience I’ll remember forever.

Sunflowers

I studied VG as a pupil, perhaps we’ve all painted a sunflower within our education or a starry night? I was aware that he had suffered from a decline in mental health within his life, he had cut off his ear and spent time in asylums, I wasn’t aware of how beautiful he was with words. I also wasn’t aware that he had committed suicide, the exhibition was truly immersive and left me with more questions than answers to relate to my own experience of life.

I realised that what I took away from the exhibition was how valuable relationships are and how a good friendship elevate each other. I do believe that a positive life is made of small sparkles of joy and not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Within 2023 I have made daily practises non negotiable and I’m now in the sweet spot of seeing the benefits. In the beginning the joy wasn’t necessarily there and the art of doing the behaviour felt like a chore on a to do list. Months of consistency and daily effort has created the melting pot of joy that I now feel and the practises of yoga and meditation are something I look forward to appose to another job.

At school I wasn’t particularly sporty, in fact sport was a chore. Despite not being good at it though I did realise that many of the techniques can be taken off of the court / pitch and brought into life. My netball coach always spoke about pivoting, pausing and then launching the ball towards the net. If we imagine the goal post as the ‘end of the match’ on earth, then making small pivots to our achievements seems like a smart way to to achieve a positive outcome. I truly believe it’s the small pausing in life, the reflective moments and the ‘hindsight’ lesson that allow us to move through the court (or life) with precision, purpose and positivity.

Whether in life you are currently pivoting from one direction to another, whether you are in a moment of pause / reflection, know that it’s the small moments of courage, the small moments of joy, the experiences you did take, the small moments of togetherness that make for a wonderful life. For all Van Gogh’s sad experiences he left us much joy.

A quiet mind is able to hear intuition over fear

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Quote Anon

It’s Saturday morning and I’m stretched out on my yoga mat in the garden. The lawn was freshly mowed yesterday but so many spring flowers survived the cull and it’s a little piece of heaven.

I came outside to do some morning yoga, my body was hit by period pains and my head was spinning (probably from a imminent full moon), so before this I lounged on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I knew I needed to shower and that would make me feel a little better. I also knew that some tea and being outside was what I needed, the pull of my bed called…I resisted and came outside.

I decided to make my yoga practice today super kind, slow and without thought. As the sun warmed my yoga mat I slowly moved my body into positions that felt supportive. The more I appreciated my surroundings and the warmth of the sun, the more I was able to move on the mat. Gratitude lifting my soul.

I went inside to grab my phone thinking that I should look up some yoga poses that would benefit my body and try to ease some of my cramps. A quick glance on Pinterest and I had myself laughing. I’d already completed the recommended poses – intuition had taken over.

At work we are currently going through a restructure. Worries are high and staff conversations are often a low vibration – the pathway of what change will look like feeding fear, momentum picking up each month and more email’s increase panic. Last week after many months of meetings that I seem to come away from with more questions than answers, I decided to make a decision for myself. I ignored the larger piece of the puzzle and how it would come together. Instead, I decided on what my piece might look like. I visualised how I’d like it to be. I took some actions and set some wheels in motion and now I have removed myself from the topic. Much like the quote, by making time to listen to my intuition, by calming myself I was able to allow the fear to dissipate. This side of the changes I’m unsure whether this mindset will serve me, perhaps I’ll exclude myself from vital information…but I doubt it. I honestly believes that my quietening the noise around me I’ll be able to move into the changes with a higher level of optimism and peace. Time will tell

Intuition is very much a gift, it’s a hundred percent in the present moment and it comes from within. The noise of the working week and the ever lasting to do lists can keep it at bay, but I strongly recommend taking a few minutes out of your day to see where it takes you. That said, remember the first few moments of quiet will mean your brain will whirl like a tornado…let it spin and don’t listen to the fear. I often internally say thanks for the fear thoughts but let’s move on…wait, wait a little bit longer and boom! That’s where the good stuff is. Intuition is just you listening to you without the world pushing it’s agenda on you. Do you value yourself enough to make some time to listen?

Let go or be dragged

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Zen proverb

Have you ever seen in a film the scene set looking down on a busy highway or city at night…red dots following like ants in one direction, white dots in the other. Everything looks so ordered and controlled. Yet inside each vehicle the people have different reasons for being there – returning home from work, vacation, running an errand, going out for food or entertainment.

As humans we are fantastic at creating routines for ourselves, maintaining friendships…much like a hamster wheel we keep turning, not always happy and not always sad. In many aspects of our collective existence we seem to have order, on the surface at least. Cars pause when pedestrians stand near Zebra crossings, people wait in queues for a variety of things from coffees to theme park rides, slowly shuffling forward until it’s our turn to be served. Systems often keep the collective safe and prevent anarchy, like most things there is also the other side (let’s all recollect the 2020 toilet roll saga when grown ups proved they couldn’t share)

Within our daily routines we often feel so safe in the comfort of ‘what we do’ we can often forget to question why we do it. Even at weekends my body clock wakes me at the same time my alarm goes off in the week. Most weeks pass similar to the ones before and that’s completely ok if you’re happy and content with life. I often think holidays are powerful when they throw you out of your routine; time zones confuse the body clocks sleep pattern, a new diet is offered, a new environment is there to be explored or perhaps a sun lounger calls you to be still, unlike your usual hectic working week.

For my own well-being I have several ‘New year’ opportunities each year. Times of year where I take time to reassess what’s serving me, what do I need to prioritise and what do I want to achieve. They often occur during ‘new beginnings’ such as the start of Spring, a new academic year (always celebrated with a new luxurious paper diary) and the classic NYE. Of course, we can decided that today is a new beginning and don’t need to wait on changing seasons to make adjustments. Time to let go of what no longer serves us (too many take aways, not enough exercise, too much work and not enough play) allows us to each fill our cup up so that we can be the best version of ourselves. Sometimes it can be small adjustments; adding a few more greens to our plate, sometimes it can be larger pivots as we seek new careers, move home to a new area or leave relationships that no longer serve us.

What often holds us back is ‘change’ as it’s never comfortable and letting go of what we know, even when we know it no longer serves us is terrifying. However, as I watch older generations I’ve noticed that it’s much scarier to not reach for the stars and to let the night sky pass you by, that relationships that don’t serve you eat you alive. That outside factors that we can let go of become physical disease and illness that we often recognise when it’s too late.

Take a moment, grab a pen and write down a list of things you’d like to achieve. It could be over the next few weeks, months or by the end of the year. There might be a big birthday coming up and you might have a larger challenge up your sleeve, but whatever you do – do something, otherwise if you don’t let go you might just find the physical body is dragged down as a result. Apart from keeping up with daily yoga, my next challenge is to declutter. I’m going to start a room at a time and as small steps work for me, probably a draw or cabinet at a time. What do you need to let go of?