Author: Fridgesays

If you find yourself in the wrong story…leave

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Mo Willems

Most of us are so caught up in the everyday charades of routine and the running machine of life, that we forget that we can simply step off of the treadmill and take up a new activity.

Some of us bought into a blue print sold to us by our parents of marriage, children, house purchasing and careers that we simply referred to the guidance and advice and followed the manual. Others rebelled, disappearing with a back pack and sturdy boots for company and returning years later with tattoos, tales and a smile.

Sometimes it’s easy to see the big life moments that we either don’t wish to be part of anymore like climbing corporate ladders and marriages that have evolved into strangers, but like joy is often found in the small moments, sometimes we need to edit the smaller parts of our life.

Today I went to the dump (you can call it a recycling centre if it makes you happier) as we had some old curtains that needed to be put to rest. They had been in a pile that had been moved around the house for several weeks and I decided that I would put my best adult face on and take them to their resting place. This blog is dedicated to why that was a huge mistake.

As an independent woman I popped the curtains (heavier than you’d think) in the boot of my car and made my way to the dump.

Arriving with a small wait and queue (it’s England after all) I drove into the car space and started to exit the vehicle. A man in high viz ran over to me and said ‘you need to reverse in’ I paused and explained that I was putting some items in the fabric area on the other side of the dump and thus my boot was facing that direction. He paused and explained I couldn’t do that, that it was the rules and I had to reverse in. I politely asked why and he simply replied ‘it’s just the rules’

I reversed my car as asked, got out and took some of the curtains from my boot. As I walked over to the material area, I saw another sign that explained all material needed to be in a plastic liner before going in…my seven foot curtains were never going to fit in a bin liner? I looked over to Mr high viz…we then exchanged a glance that said ‘I know I’m breaking the plastic bag rule, let’s keep this between ourselves’ the mutual glance confirmed I could continue. Completing the ‘final curtain’ I got back in my vehicle, Mr High Viz could breathe, I could breathe. It was that moment that I reflected on why I never came here

  1. I don’t like rules that make no sense
  2. The Mr adores the dump and it gives him ‘satisfaction’
  3. I don’t like how everyone acts like ants with their heads down and nobody smiles
  4. The Mr loves that nobody interacts

I came home and proudly announced that I’d ’dropped the curtains off to the dump’ to the Mr. As I waited for my praise and potential award he said ‘did you reverse in?’

How did he know? I explained that actually I hadn’t and that I’d asked Mr High Viz why this was, the Mr then gave me a long lecture (with no actual explanation) on dump etiquette, that he was going to take them tomorrow and that as the conversation continued it became apparent that I wasn’t going to receive an award or even a thanks for my efforts. It was at this moment that I made a pledge to never return to the dump again. It was not fun, I didn’t feel satisfaction and I’m a natural rule breaker – we weren’t compatible. From now on, all dump adventures would be betrothed to him.

At this point, you may be a feminist who says ‘females can’ to this I simply reply ‘I did and you can, but I didn’t like it. You may also be a satisfied dump legend like the Mr, in which case I believe I should apologise for my naivety. However, what I did learn is that the dump isn’t for me and my skillset. I will never visit the place and with this edit to my story I’ll be all the more happier for it. Of course, some places like supermarkets you have to go (if you want to eat) but I believe that where this is a will there is a way, and online shopping might solve this.

Don’t go to places you don’t want to, don’t hang around with people who don’t make you smile. This precious life is yours to edit. One of my Dads best quotes to me is ‘if you don’t want to babes, nobody can make you’ and I think he’s right, another great line is ‘you can never have enough napkins’ but perhaps that’s for another post. Enjoy the week ahead and if anyone has any tips for me explaining that I also missed one curtain to the Mr, so he also had to go dump I’d be grateful.

Take note of what the light does, to everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Tess Guinery

My Christian name is Lucy. It means ‘of the light’ so it will be no surprise that I’m a huge fan of anything sparkly, glittery or shiny. I’ve always been fond of observing the stars on a clear night. I’m also partial to a string of fairy lights all year around.

That said, I was speaking with a friend about seasons today and summer isn’t my favourite. Sure, it’s the lightest but I adore a sunny cold morning, a crisp Autumn day where you can see spider webs glisten and the light bounces off of the autumnal leaves. This led me to realise that I actually prefer balance. I adore starry nights with black backgrounds, I enjoy things that sparkle the best when the light shines on dark areas – much like a disco ball hanging over a dance floor. Perhaps my middle name should be contrast? Living in the UK I am blessed to have annual experience of the four seasons and they each play a part, often we need the dark to see the light, just as we need the cold to feel the warmth.

In dark times, humour offers much needed light. Shadows can be beautiful too but often fade and need sunlight to sustain them. During the winter/holiday season you may be tricked by the light. Dazzled by sparkle and awe. Shop windows may entice you in and it’s easy to be eaten whole by consumer culture. Or you can take a step back, appreciate the glitter and lights that line most high streets, the Christmas trees lit up in windows and make time for family and friends. You can also take a day off, tell the world you are busy and snuggle under the duvet with your favourite snacks and films. This is often called self care, but I think it actually allows you to see the light. Time alone is hugely under rated, time being by yourself means you can do whatever you want – you feel lighter for it and can but down the burden of carrying others, even if just for an hour or so.

As summer draws to an end and darker evenings will begin, I am going to focus on the light particularly when it arrives in the darker moments. From light hearted moments, to eyes lit up by magic, light can be your warmest friend but too much can burn you. It’s essential that we seek balance rather than look endlessly for the joy in life. I also believe that we attract what we put our focus on, so recognising when we’re not okay but also asking what we need to feel lighter is another way we can restore balance rather than being absorbed by sadness. That said, we still have a few weeks of summer left, so bask in the sun whilst it lasts and enjoy the lighter evenings.

Be kind but with spine

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Quote Anon

Recently the positive power princesses of the world have polluted the planet with positivism that is so sickly it’s vile. Let my fridge be the first place to say that it’s ok to have a bad day and it’s certainly normal not to love your life every single minute…sometimes life’s horrible and you’re not entirely sure why? Sometimes you know exactly why…that’s life.

Kindness is something that I value. That I try and deliver and a quality recognise in others. HOWEVER it comes with a spine and much like this quote kindness should not be exchanged or confused for naivety or ignorance. I will pull over in my car and let a person cross the road, especially if it’s raining. I’ll give way to vehicles and let cars out when needed…I won’t stop for everyone or let all the cars in the world out of a junction that causes me to be late and a traffic jam to form behind me…my spine is central and aligned with my boundaries.

I will call friends, try to remember certain dates, keep them in mind and give effort to our relationship. I won’t keep calling if they never return the gesture.

I will share baked treats with others and I won’t expect this is return. We all have our love languages. I won’t however bake goods on demand…

Acts of kindness should be at the core of our interaction with others, central in our communities, when doing them they should enrich our lives and those that receive them, when kindness is given and received with any alternative motive it can feel like a nettle sting and that’s when you need to check your own boundary. My gut is where I keep my kindness, freely given until my gut instinct tells me otherwise. You don’t have to go anything that makes you feel taken advantage of, you don’t have to keep the communication going when others don’t do their part just because you’ve known them for so long, or they are family.

Always be kind. Always give more than you receive but make sure you have a spine. That you can still stand tall. That your kindness isn’t given at a cost to your own health or wellbeing, make sure any acts come from a place of love and not duty and most of all, start the kindness process with yourself.

That it will never come again, is what makes life so sweet.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Emily Dickinson

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and if we are blessed it’s just far enough that we can learn from it, but not so close that it pierces our soul and destroys us.

On Friday 31st May a friend died.

She is a mother, too central to this world. Her family needs her and like most deaths I’m perplexed that the world is still spinning?

I knew her from my previous job setting. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, my favourite thing about her was her humour; it was dark, loud, brash and epic.

This morning I woke early around 5am and went downstairs to read. It’s a book I’ve been reading for a while called Tom Lake. I turned the page and her name was the first word I read. Emily. Whilst it gave me comfort I’m sure even in death she’s busy supporting her family but the idea that her spirit might of given me a cheeky wink pleased me immensely. You see, when it comes to grief and the after life ‘to be or not to be’ it’s really all about if I believe, that’s all that matters. If the person grieving receives peace – that’s the gift.

Usually, my posts aren’t so personal but it seems the world is going to continue to spin, so I’m processing her loss in the written word. I guess we all find our methods.

Emily recently taught me some lessons:

When she shared her diagnosis, she gave a background, mainly of not feeling well but never ‘having time’ to get checked out. This irony is not lost on me. By the time she had gone to the GP (Doctor surgery in the UK) her prognosis was beyond comprehension. As a full time working parent I resonate with often not prioritising my own health. I instantly made two appointments, a routine Smear and a physio appointment, both overdue. My shoulder hasn’t been happy for some time but it gives me little to no discomfort so I ignored it. If this was my child I would never neglect his health. How ridiculous that I often write about self love and self care but had delayed making these appointments.

A good bra is worth it: About eight years a go I bought a white bra from Next. When I got home, I went to follow my usual protocol of cutting away any labels, but as I looked down my bra was called Emily. I left the label as it made me smile – who knew a bra could have a name. The next day wearing said bra I walked into her office and lifted up my top proudly to announce to Emily that my bra was named after her! She was taken back and we laughed at my randomness and delight in a label. When her prognosis became terminal I reminded her that my bra was still being worn. With her incredible humour she responded with laughter at our fond memories ‘haha you silly bean. Thank you for making me giggle’

It’s my belief that Emily was a disco ball. She was a reflection of laughter and beauty, plus she loved a party. Life often cracks us along the way, but a disco ball continues to sparkle despite its breaks, it’s both whole and many pieces. It makes sense that the spirit world would want a disco ball? Shine bright dearest Emily and may your family be drenched in love and blessings in the days, months and years to come. I already miss you terribly.

Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people

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Quote by Karen Salmansonn

This week I wanted to share a story that warmed my heart and it came from one of my favourite places…my local library.

Often on a Saturday morning we visit our local library, a place that brings me immense joy. The library has so many lovely memories from my childhood but also was a wonderful bridge into adulthood when the world felt a little uncertain – the library remained calm and consistent. However, my library joy truly burst its seams when my child was born and I was able to indulge in all the wonderful adventures through my child’s eyes, it’s a sacred space.

Yesterday we took our bag of books back to be returned and juggled the machines with new finds and I was even blessed to find slips with my name on the side in the ‘reserved’ section on the library! For those that don’t know this wonder – this is a shelf much like Christmas where you can reserve a book that perhaps you can’t find on the shelf or the librarian will have it ready for you to collect. They pop a receipt in the top with your name on and send you an email to confirm when it’s ready to collect.

Within the juggle of my own books and my child’s, I had forgotten to extend the loan of one of the books I was half way through reading but left without realising, due to the excitement of all the new ‘book bounty’ we had received.

Last night, I was checking emails and doing life admin when an email from my librarian caught my eye…

Hello, I have found a postcard in a book which you were the last borrower of at ***** Library. The book is ****** by ****** and the postcard found is pink with a rhino on it. I’ve just popped it by the desk. 

 How lovely is that! I should note I took out the name of the book and the author as I wasn’t overwhelmed by the book and wouldn’t necessarily want to indorse it BUT how lovely is that! The postcard is cute but not sentimental, it’s a picture of a rhino with the quote ‘real unicorns have curves’ which made me laugh, however the act of finding this and then looking up who last had it and then emailing me…in a world where often people can’t find the time to say hello in the street I find AMAZINGLY KIND. To that degree, I plan to go to the library and collect my bookmark and perhaps take a little treat to return the gesture.

Kindness is my greatest gift, I enjoy being both the receiver and the giver and it often costs very little materially. Kindness is contagious and you can receive joy through hearing about other people’s experiences of kind acts, to that degree I hope my post this week made you smile and you are sick with kindness, if so…pass it on!

You can’t rush something you want to last forever

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Quote anon

I saw this quote in a magazine, it was in the background on a photograph of quotes hanging on a wall with a celebrity posing in front.

It made me think what I would like to last forever; health, my favourite flavour crisp, financial security, love, gravity… forever is a long time, and with a human life span almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.

In marriage ceremonies people often exchange ‘forever’ vows that can end up in divorce. Much of the data around marriages and divorces is currently unreliable due to the impact of the lockdowns. The highest year for marriages in the UK was 1972 – 426,241 couples married that year. In 2019 it had declined by 48%. Of course the topic hugely varies with many factors from cultural, ethnic, age and regions with variations in patterns across the UK. In terms of our topic of ‘forever’ some say that despite divorce, love can sometimes transcend the court papers. The other issue is defining love is hugely variable between individual’s.

That said, in the UK we are very good at building castles, buildings that stand for centuries. Whilst Germany has the most castles in Europe, Wales has the most per square mile and England has over 1,500. When you look at the ‘castle’ classification list you see that for a building to be classified as a castle in needs a certain number of bricks and that’s when it hit me!

Foundations. These often last forever, or beyond a human life span, far less fickle than love. As we reflect on the week ahead what foundations have you laid for future generations? I’m not talking pestle and mortar (unless you built your house which I think is very cool) but what will be your legacy? The great news is you’ve already begun laying it and you’ll continue until the day you die.

How you treat people, how you make them feel and of course the support you give are often how we recall loved ones who had passed away. You can’t rush a legacy because it’s ongoing, ever moving and not always our ‘best work’ – much like UK divorce rates, individual relationships vary and that’s ok. With each new day you lay another brick on your structure, you can’t rush the important pieces and you can’t rush the sections that make you feel uncomfortable. Building a life takes a life time, that too unprecedented and hugely varying in length. So make sure you use the time you do have wisely and add a sparkly brick every now and then.

Sometimes you’ll never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory

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Quote by D Seuss

Moments come and moments go. Sometimes frightfully as our basal ganglia and cerebellum kick in to action and we drive our cars on a familiar journeys, arrive at a destination and have little memory of how we got there?

Other moments stay in our core and it’s these id like to take a moment to think about. You may have seen online or even read my blog on glimmer moments (Click here to read) but I had a wonderful core moment when making a bolognaise for dinner that I’d like to share.

I was listening to a podcast and making dinner, thinking about the next steps of turning the bolognaise in front of me into a lasagne. I suddenly remembered that earlier that morning I’d made a loaf of sourdough. I cut off the edge (absolutely the best part of a fresh loaf in my humble opinion) and dipped it into the bolognaise. It’s important that I share that I’m not a ‘picker’ when I cook so this felt indulgent and not something I’d usually think to do. As I squeezed the crusted edge between my fingers and carefully wiped around the edge of the pan I suddenly remembered my Mum and I doing the exact same thing when I was a child!

My hippocampus lit up like a Christmas tree. I felt absolute joy and comfort as my long term memories, these deep core memories came to the forefront. I could see myself by the side of my Mum fighting for ‘the best bit’ like school children. Whispering so that my Dad didn’t know what we were up to, which is hilarious in retrospect as he wouldn’t be bothered and doesn’t eat bolognaise, trying not to burn our fingers and usually always grabbing another piece of bread to share.

Childhood is often made of these wholesome moments. Whether it’s the smell of crayons or freshly cut grass, the taste of a particular sweet treat or a song on the radio that takes you back to the ‘live concert’ you gave to millions of invisible fans in your childhood living room as you belt out Whitney Houston’s ‘Wanna Dance with somebody’ from the bottom of the earths core to the tip of your tongue. I realised that they rarely cost anything, but a little time, a lot of laughter and in my case, an extra slice of bread and a huge bowl of bubbling bolognaise.

If noticing moments of joy in everyday life are referred to as ‘glimmer moments’ then perhaps connecting with core moments of joy from your past should be refered to as sequins. Large, round sparkly core memories sewn together to make your individual life’s tapestry. Whether it’s photographs from an album, mini recordings on your phone, old journals or causally making a bolognaise on a Saturday evening, I hope your future holds more sequins to come and your past is a glittering reflection of core joy, keep sparking.

My sequin moment

Every end is a new beginning

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Quote Anon

There are many ends to many things, some set in stone and others supported by time and how we’ve evolved. Sunday marks the end of the week, each month has a last day, the year ends on 31st December in my part of the world. Other calendars in other places believe new year occurs at a different calendared date, but beginning always follows suit.

Birth is often recognised as a new beginning, despite the foetus existing long before. Some people believe that death is the end, whilst others believe it’s a transition into another realm. During life’s journey we aren’t always sure when things will end. Often this is out of our control.

Growing up in the UK has meant that certain birthdays also signified beginnings. 13yrs meant you were now ‘officially’ a teenager and 18 an adult. Exams in education once again helped you see your next step; once you’d completed your GCSEs it was time to decide your A levels or perhaps venture into the world of vocational qualifications and apprenticeships. I also remember ‘running out’ of educational steps and being very aware that now I had to get a job, that my steps had come to an end and that a new beginning dawned.

Having lived in the real world for some time now, I have learnt that it generally sucks. That nothing is fair, very little is clear and that most of the rules of society make little to no sense to me. What I’ve also learnt is that we can all make choices. That wherever we begin and wherever we end up…in between we’ll have choices along the way and we decide how we feel.

What do we have? In the now we exist fully with all of the decisions that have gone before us and all of the consequences that has been set in motion. We can worry about the ends, we can often start new beginnings but hopefully by now you have realised that these are tentative, subjective and vague. Now…we have. Now we can feel, smell and touch.

Society distracts us with ‘end goals’ and ‘starting afresh’ when actually our life is made up of hundred and thousands of nows, sprinkled across our life time like cake toppings. I don’t have all of the answers. I’m unsure anyone does? But, feeling good in the now often produces positive consequences. Seeing the good often enhances the good in others now and walking away from anything that has caused us negatively in the past often allows positive results in the future.

You are reading this post in the now. I hope that now you are smiling, happy or glad that the current ‘now’ reminded you of all that you are in this very moment. Don’t be distracted by the starts and ends that society often shows us, that perhaps we’ve not nailed or missed altogether. Instead, appreciate the now, feel good in the now and repeat. The results will be a life well lived, and that’s much more than most people dream of, the endings often take care of themselves.

When I grow up I am going to be a Mermaid.

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Direct quote from me, said many times in the last forty years.

I wasn’t sure what to write about today? Usually a theme or a quote inspires me. So I asked my son what I should write about, he said “Mermaids, your imagination and the power that it can possess” and I was like ‘Dam boy’ that’s an awesome idea!

So, cosy up and I’ll tell you all about Mermaids. When I grow up I will be a Mermaid in tropical clear waters (nobody is signing up for murky and cold North seas!) because every day will be a good hair day. I will swim around and explore the sea, collect shells (because shells are joy) and if Disneys Ariel taught me anything, I’ll probably chat with my fish friends and sing epic songs about ‘thing-amey-bobs’, I think about my Mermaid life more than an adult with a mortgage and responsibilities should. Why? Because it’s fun! And a mortgage and responsibilities often aren’t.

I think it’s why I’m also a huge reader, fiction takes you to far away places and usually the main character in a book has a different set of problems to you. Even better, unlike friends and families problems when you close the book, you don’t need to worry or try to help the main character and even better, 9/10 by the end of the book the characters issue has been resolved or they’ve made peace with it.

I wrote often about how I feel ‘play’ is important for everyone’s mental health and I think escapism and your imagination is a powerful tool that we can all use. Often society talks about negative thought patterns but doesn’t tell you about the joy of thinking about being a Mermaid.

Thoughts don’t always need to be shared. Nobody can steal them from you. They are both priceless and worth millions all at the same time. In our hum drum routines it’s easy to become caught up in our own dull drama. We also, as humans tend to live in cycles of similar patterns (eg. We don’t learn our lessons and often repeat patterns of behaviour even though they make us unhappy) we also tend to invite similar people into our lives and that isn’t always in our best interest.

In my imagination I can be free of daily distractions, I can also dream about how I want things to be. That might be thinking about how I’d like my garden to look or a car upgrade or in my case…tropical seas and Mermaid vibes.

Make some time this week for your imagination, be guided by your inner child or pick up a book and let your imagination shine as the Author becomes your tour guide. I always think my imagination is my best asset, a free gift that keeps on giving.

#11yo Collect Things

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Sadly, this series has a gap or two, last year was one such missed opportunity. That said, life happens and I’m trying to be kind to my past self that was probably juggling too many things. However, I’m pleased I’ve been able to capture the mini dudes questions this year as he is in the midst of a transitional period, exams in the UK have just finished for him, he’s about to go off on a residential trip with school and embark on secondary school life! I usually write about how my son came into the world knowing who he was, the answers to his questions are usually the same or similar. I stand by this, however he would like me to let you know he’s favourite colour is no longer Green…it’s Turquoise. One giant leap for mankind and a Pantone alteration of about 5 shades for my son. I also don’t read the previous answers back to him. Here’s this years twenty questions:

1.What’s something I might not know about you? My feelings towards people, sometimes I laugh and smile but inside I’m like ‘what a douche’

2. If you were a teacher and you had to teach your students something, what would it be? Mythology *same answer as when he was 9yrs old.

3. What’s your favourite fruit? Water Melon (fun bonus fact; all he wanted for his birthday this year was a Water Melon)

4. What do you like to watch on TV? I love Science Fiction

5. What do you like to eat at lunch? A plastic sandwich (bought from a shop) or Daddy’s egg sandwich…I just love sandwiches, sandwiches are everything

6. Who’s in your family? My Mum, Dad, Pearl (our dog) Burple (leopard Ghecko) and Nathaniel (tortoise), Nanny and Grandad times two!

7. What item of clothing do you most like to wear? A Rugby jersey

8. What game do you like to play? Lego Marvel on Xbox is amazing

9. What’s your favourite animal? Crocodile, Snapping Turtle, Honey Badger and Toad…(again, he couldn’t decide)

10. What song do you most like? Rock and Pop, anything but Taylor Swift. She’s annoying and her songs sound the same.

11. What makes you feel thankful? There are too many things to say. My life is pretty awesome!

12. Favourite book? All of them, I could never pick? *same answer as 9yrs

13. What makes a good friend? They need to be kind and also support you

14. What’s your favourite sport? Rugby

15. If you had a pet dragon what would you name it? Carnage but I’d obviously need to connect with his personality first. (Silly me for asking such a question)

16. What do you sleep with? Orco and Croccie (2 giant cuddly animals)

17. What do you like best for breakfast? Waffles made by Mummy

18. What qualities are important in a person? Kindness and aggression, it’s a balance – you want them to nice but also to have boundaries and stand up for what they believe in.

19. What do you think the world needs more of? Good people

20. What’s your favourite dinner? Pizza and macaroni cheese. (Yup, he puts the macaroni on top of the pizza) *same answers as 9yrs