Author: Fridgesays

Talking is good, even if the topic is silly

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Quote original from Fridgesays

As far back as I can recall my Mum and I have spent time together ‘talking sh*t’ – this means being silly, talking about nothing of importance and absolutely talking for the sake of talking. Sadly, I don’t live in walking distance of my parents, so I will often pick up the phone to ‘talk sh*t’ with her.

Mr F thinks it’s foolish but I’ve always felt it was good for the soul. Talking sh*t isn’t to be confused with gossip – that is often toxic and breeds discontent and negativity. Talking rubbish however, allows adults to play and often begins with a hypothetical scenario or an aspect of make believe.

Last night at the dinner table I asked my son what food he thought of when I said ‘dream meal’ – not what your dream meal is but what image you conjure in your mind, mine is a burger and his is a specific chicken burger, Mr F reluctantly joined in and said that he thought of pizza, he then asked why I had asked and I had to confess it was for no particular reason.

This morning I was in a supermarket grabbing some snacks after Rugby and I thought about last nights chat and whilst I got a pain au chocolat for myself, I got Mr F a pizza slice. As I handed it to him I remarked on how sometimes playing/chat for no good reason at the time allows us to better understand each other and that last nights dinner table banter had resulted in the manifestation of pizza slices, had we not have had the conversation we certainly all would have had pastries. He looked at me, as he often does with utter confusion and walked away.

I read this paragraph in another blog recently

Talking nonsense isn’t frivolous or meaningless. It’s an act of trust and love, a way of saying, “Here’s my unfiltered, quirky self,” and inviting the other person to respond in kind.

And it resonated with me. It made me reflect on my childhood and how, perhaps without knowing it my mother’s conversation with me were one of the many reasons I have such a clear sense of self. They often ended it laughter or a joke that only we shared and even when the topic was of a heavier nature, talking it through in a nonsensical manner meant the mood never deteriorated.

I’ll attach the link to the blog I read at the bottom of this post, it explores topics we have discussed on this blog previously about adults playing, being childish and how positive it is for mental health, but I can see that it’s also enriching as a shared activity, a bond and does allow you to better know those around you. Perhaps this week you might also ask some hypothetical questions over dinner; If you was a dog what breed would you be? If you had to pick a celebrity to be your best friend who would you select and why? The list of talking rubbish is endless but I think it might be the healthiest rubbish your body has ever absorbed. Lastly, a shout out to my Mum who’s always a phone call away to talk to.

As promised, link to article: https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-joy-of-talking-nonsense-with-someone-you-love/

The calmer you are the clearer you think

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Quote anon

I came across a lesson this week that I thought I would share. It was so visual in my mind it quickly took root and perhaps it will help you when you feel dysregulated.

Have you ever looked in a pool of water at your reflection? If the water is still it’s like looking in a mirror, sheer glass and a crystal clear reflection. It’s effortless and easy to see your reflection.

Have you ever boiled a pot of water? The bubbles rise with force and as it spits and hisses, the water appears cloudy. You can’t see your reflection. Yet it’s the same pool of water, with added intense energy.

Your body is approximately 60% water, it can be a little higher in men and a little lower in those who don’t maintain a healthy physique. So in many ways the analogy of a pool of water above relates perfectly to your body…we are all pools of water. If we have demands and frustrations ‘boiling over’ how can we make calm and meaningful decisions?

Since thinking of myself as a vessel of water, I’ve noticed when emotions begin to bubble to the service, more importantly I’ve also noticed how to turn my own thermostat down. Having worked with hundreds of dysregulated children over my career I’ve learnt that we all soothe differently. For me, I can handle the ‘bubbles of life’ best if I am early to wake and early to bed. Sleep is crucial for my wellbeing. As an extrovert I also enjoy companionship but it only fills my cup if it’s meaningful interaction. This means thinking about events before they occur and deciding whether they will enrich my life or drain my soul. *all human interaction is not equal

Rituals also help to keep balance that in turn can keep you calmer – a luxury bath on a Sunday evening sets me up perfectly for a good week ahead. Time with friends in nature and a good book by my side all help to keep me still.

Of course sometimes our pots boil and sometimes events occur beyond our control, but knowing what you need and how you can include elements of this, even in the most trickiest of times can help your thoughts to form and keep boiling water at bay. This week notice what creates bubbles in your life and see if you can turn the heat down.

Go where you breathe free

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Quote from Butterflies rising

Often in films when a person is dying and reaching for that last breath, they see a cherished flashback of their lives. If you’re paying attention then sometimes whilst living you take a breath, see a view, feel an experience and know deep down in your soul that that image/moment will be in your life’s reel.

Bizarrely whilst watching a series on Netflix this evening I had that moment. It was season two of Luke Cage, in the episode he gets off a bus – no spoilers here, so I’m not revealing where he has been or where he is going but I will tell you he is at peace with his past and looking forward to his future. As he gets off the bus he looks up to the sky and the sun shines down upon him.There are no words but his facial expressions filled by soul. He was blissful and in that moment, despite it being a TV show he evoked a deep feeling of freedom to me. I’ll always remember it.

Why? Because I am truly privileged in that I’ve always had my freedom. I was born free, given opportunities, allowed to make decisions about my path and tonight I will go to bed free…

One of my super powers is gratitude. I am a Jedi Ninja warrior princess of seeing the silver lining. I can turn dark into light, despair into repair and crush hate with a blessing…I don’t get angry, I kill them with kindness.

As Luke looked up to the sun, it wasn’t freedom that I felt, it was a huge sense of gratitude for the freedoms that I often take for granted. Within the series he had lost them, fought for them and faced his demons and in that moment – he had won.

As we run out of 2025 and absorb the last few months it has to offer. I believe it’s easy to get caught in what we didn’t have and forget to hold dear what we had, what we still have and what we hold dear. If you’ve ever experienced a shock, had a panic attack, asthma attack or fainted, you may of also lost your breath – just for a moment , just an inhale…I promise with that next gulp of C02 you felt gratitude for something a simple, vital and often something we neglect; the breath.

To be alive, whatever our circumstances is a gift many have lost, one we will all eventually also loose but one worth waking up for and marking the moment with a salute to a new day, a new breath.

When you next reflect back on 2025 and perhaps set intentions for all that is to come, be grateful for the freedoms we often take for granted, the breath that go unnoticed and the simple pleasures of life, this in turn will make sure that your life’s flash back is one grounded in love, gratitude and joy. That’s a life worth living.

Choose to be optimistic, it feels better

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Quote by Dalai Lama

I was born believing in magic and I’ve alway believed that our beliefs create our reality. This week I have a powerful practise, complete with lesson in manifesting that I wanted to share.

The first was inspired by Neville Goddard and is an optimistic practice that I read about; in essence from the moment you wake you seek out clues / signs / moments that may indicate that this is the best day of your life. Prior to falling asleep you try to count how many clues you found. Thus, you wake looking for good and go to sleep in a state of good…the first morning I discovered ‘the game’ I thought id mastered it…I was lying in bed and the sun was pouring though the curtains, on the ceiling was a rainbow from a crystal I have hanging in the centre of my window, Mr F bought me a tea in bed and…I’ve already counted several before getting out of bed this would be easy!

That day we were all packed up for a couple of days away in a beautiful hotel; paddle board loaded, snacks for the journey and we were on route for our first stop – a fabulous cafe where the food is incredible and a family firm favourite. Sat in the passenger seat I went through the itinerary the hotel had sent with regard to our check in….I then checked the date, the email, the date…the email and I felt panic. I had made a huge mistake. In essence (and I’ve no idea how I did it and hadn’t noticed prior) I had booked the incorrect dates. According to the email booking we were meant to check in the day prior. Our mini break was suddenly looking like a long car journey to an over night stop, but with the expense of having funded an empty room. Added to the fact I’d booked it over a bank holiday weekend in August…suddenly optimism fell out of my hands and I spiralled into doubt. I checked the hotels website – of course they were fully booked. Knowing we had a place to sleep that evening, I checked other local hotels for the remainder nights – fully booked. Let’s remind you of my current scenario, it’s early in the morning and the family is packed, high expectations for the adventure ahead and we are IN THE CAR driving…

I then remembered that worst things happen at sea…nobody was hurt and it was my error. Yes, it’s was a costly mistake and upsetting my family is the last thing I’d want to do. Excepting full responsibility I decided it was time for a manifesting upgrade, spiralling into a panic of doom wasn’t going to help anybody, I was meant to be looking for signs this was the best day of my life, I couldnt begin the day with a huge let down. I took a conscious moment to breath and turned my attention to being ‘deliberately delusional’

I decided (in my head) that I was going to email the hotel and explain my error, that I had wanted to stay for *the dates I actually wanted and ask if they could help me. That at 9:02am they would reply and all would be well. The universe doesn’t like you working out the details, it likes to be creative so I didn’t over think all of the ways it could be fixed (or all the things that could go wrong), I let it go.

Once I wrote my email I returned to being deliberately delusional and turned the car into my own personal high vibing karaoke. At 8:42am I cheated and checked my emails…nothing.

Honestly, it’s hard to be positive and delusional when you are listening to your family talk about what they want to do ‘when we get there’… I may of looked at my emails a few more times but I also stayed faithful that by 9:02am all would be well. I’ve no idea why I picked this time?

Continuing to keep my vibration state high, I lost track of time and at 9:10am I checked my emails…sure enough at 9:02am the hotel receptionist had replied, Magic.

In the email he stated what I had booked and how he could see we hadn’t checked in, that he had looked at options for the dates I’d wanted to stay and he could make this happen, he then asked if I could confirm the change of dates!

I screamed with joy.

I replied ‘Oh my gosh I actually love you! Thank you so much, yes of course I would adore the alteration of dates and we will be there for check in at 3pm where I could hopefully thank him in person’ he replied saying he would be off shift by then, but that he was happy to help and that as the room was empty and ready the day prior we could check in ahead of time.

Thrilled we went on to have a wonderful break and I think this photograph shows how Mother Nature stepped up to help us have the most beautiful experience. (No filters needed)

Being deliberately delusional is a tricky skill and I don’t always master it, after all it’s hard to be optimistic when ‘lack’ knocks on your door but if you can step away from the negative energy, let the problem go and see it as ‘done’ I still believe you can manifest anything you heart desires. This was a great day, but with a delusional mindset for greatness nothing can stop tomorrow for being even better.

Did you forget to have fun?

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Not a quote but a thought by me, fridgesays.

Dishwasher is on, washing line is full and the sun is doing her thing, I’ve drank my matcha tea and I’ve dropped my child in a random field so he can play football for several hours, so I take a moment to call one of my closest friends.

Sadly her life is upside down with family health issues, she can’t commit to anything as hospital appointments and waiting by the telephone is her current reality. I get it, we’ve all been there. At the other end of the phone I feel helpless, but I want to be of use. I don’t want to say the wrong thing but I also don’t want to say nothing . Then my ADHD brain says ‘changing the subject, have to ever owned a debobbler?’ She giggles and we work out the grown up term is a ‘lint remover’…we unanimously decide the word ‘debobbler’ is far too beautiful in the mouth to say and my term remains. She tells me she hasn’t but she has thought about purchasing one in the past. I explain that I have a new jumpsuit and I’ve only worn it about three times, as I was on the phone I looked down and noticed that on the right hand side pocket area it’s bobbled, being the intelligent friend she points out it’s probably where I carry my bag, she’s right!…in order to save the jumpsuit a debobbler must be purchased.

The call ends and I purchase two. One for me and one for my friend. I can’t help with the medical chaos and my words are plasters on a seeping wound…but I can buy her a debobbler.

Amazon Prime helps and with next day delivery we have both received our products the following afternoon. Other rainforest brands are available. I opted for a 3 setting, USB, LED cute little number in white with a rose gold trim because life’s too short for black dull devices.

Below is a link to the product I purchased. It’s an affiliated link but at the moment (the times I am posting this article) it comes with a 21% discount (how random is 21?)

https://amzn.eu/d/0M0FL99

The downside to my new toy is you have to charge it which delays the joy. BUT at 10pm I take it off charge as I’m of to bed and decide I’m going to play with it first thing in the morning, except I’m me and I’m spontaneous by design and so I can resist grabbing the jumpsuit and giving it a go…my review which nobody asked for – it’s incredible, amazing and magical. It works a dream and is seriously satisfying to use.

By 11pm I’m on my bedroom floor with various objects from a crotchet toy Octopus my son has, a Fat Face winter jacket and some bedding…all magically returning to their bobble removed state. At this point my boyfriend has lost the will to live and is keeping out of my way. I am having fun. My new toy is bringing me joy, as a now experienced debobbler I can say it was worth it. Every family should have one. It’s late at night but I am happy, singing and humming as I debobble.

At around 8am my friend texts (she isn’t so spontaneous and has patience to wait until the next day) she sends me little videos of her debobbling a cushion…I can hear in her voice that she is pleased and her texts go on to say she’s telling her family about it, she may even take it to the hospital later to show everyone. I am so pleased to hear her voice sounds so cheerful.

At this point in the blog, I usually conclude with a paragraph that brings the moral of the waffle to some pivotal point. However, this mini moment in my life has a few…

  • Debobbler is a great word and lint remover sounds surgical
  • Finding fun and light relief in adult life is essential for our wellbeing, in your darkest moments make room for magic or buy a debobbler
  • If you have financial capacity – share the joy with a friend, I’m already thinking about what I’m going to send her next…any ideas welcome in the comment box below
  • Fun doesn’t have to be conventional, it doesn’t have to involve leaving the house. You can find moments of joy is the oddest of places…which remind me…
  • The debobbler also comes with the satisfaction of having to remove the lint from the back of the blade. If you grew up in the 80s:90s when tumble dryers needed the lint removing then you’ll know that this is super satisfying!

Like I said, this isn’t a paid advertisement and my opinions are based on joy alone. In a world that is often difficult to navigate, please know that you don’t have to live with bobbles and sharing the joy often adds to the joy. Don’t stop having fun.

Be your own cup of tea

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Original Fridgesays quote.

As I was putting this blog together, I was thinking about quotes such as ‘fill your cup’ and empowering quotes about authenticity. Then I made a cup of tea and unlocked the joy of the universe. Simplicity

It started a few weeks ago when I made a cuppa and added half a teaspoon of honey – it tasted like joy and gave me the energetic lift we all sometimes need late afternoon. It’s not necessary the done thing and usually I don’t have any sugar in my tea but I’ve found every now and then it elevates my tea to a new height.

In fact today we had a slow Sunday with no plans. The Mr and I left the boy at home cleaning his room (listening to an eclectic collection of music) and did a food shop – after that I was free of any plans and ‘pottered’ around the house and realised that the simplicity of my joy. I repotted one of my favourite house plants and walked the dog, then I came home made a cuppa and read my book. I then interacted with our menagerie of reptiles, baked and if you haven’t fallen asleep yet, here comes the learning part…I loved my day. Nothing complicated, nothing expensive (if you forget the food shop) and I felt rejuvenated.

Sometimes activities that fill us with joy don’t involve other people or going too far from home. I also realised that all of the things I enjoyed (except for the tea) involved caring. However, there was no demand and the care was given in my own time frame because I enjoyed it rather than because I felt obliged or was on someone else’s time frame. Having people or creatures demand is exhausting…my examples include ‘what’s for dinner?’ and ‘Can a friend come around?’

Make a list of the activities you enjoy. You may realise they are simple and accessible, If so, carve out time in your week to do them more often. I always feel better when I’ve walked the dog and been out in nature, even if the weather wasn’t ideal. If you are writing a list and it includes ‘cruises, golf, sailing, sky diving’ I hope you find the budget so that you can access them regularly. We all need to fill our cup, some people like to drink out of rude mugs (my collection is inspiring) and some prefer China tea cups decorated in gold. Authenticity matters and life is too short for a cup of tea from an ugly mug.

In the end we all become stories

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Quote Anon

Without doubt my least favourite thing is people. As a race, we are greedy, thoughtless and selfish towards our planet and those that we live amongst. However, my favourite thing to collect are peoples stories. I realised that my brain is like a library full of events and scenarios that people have shared and I have interpreted. If my brain was a library then my favourite section would be the kindness aisle; stories that contain acts of kindness or random moments of joy, thoughtful exchanges, feeling deeply and unexpected.

Interpretation is personal, I’ve taught the same lesson to thirty teens and know they’ve each walked out of the lesson taking with them a variation on the learning objective. You could tell me a story but how I interpret it and the themes or feelings I feel are all categorised in my personal library. Many times have I read a book and remember moments hidden amongst the main theme that had a huge impact on me, when I attend my book club we always discuss a range of concepts and topics, some of which I didn’t think about when reading the book? I guess that’s the joy in sharing.

Eulogies at funerals always seem unfair and bias to the person who has pulled them together. I recently attended a funeral of a person I worked with, but the eulogy was framed (of course it was) around her being a loving and dedicated mother…that wasn’t the version of her that I knew, the story I told myself of who she was at work. As the eulogy was read I found it baffling and doubted I had known her. However, then I realised how wonderful that my version of her was mine alone.

Perhaps you read this blog because I ask you too (thanks Mum), because you know me beyond the screen, because you like my writing style, topics, rants and thoughts…I hope it’s because I make you feel good. I hope it’s because you feel a little better when you click off the page. I hope the pages of my blog can sometime be found in the kindness aisle of your internal library.

In the end we all become stories, take time to reflect on the stories that make you feel good, wander the aisles of your library and relish the memories you have made that feel a little magical. Should you ever step into the horror section, know it’s a brief aisle, an aisle you can leave and perhaps take a moment to think about where you might sit in other peoples libraries, perhaps you sit in the kindness section of a complete stranger due to an act that had a profound effect on them but is unmemorable to you.

Listen to the birds not the news

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Anon

Half way through the year and I can feel myself needing a pause. Not a holiday, or a distraction. Just time to revisit my goals and pause the pace of life. What did I want to achieve? Do those things still resonate? What is it that I truly desire? All large questions that can’t always be given the time during the hustle and bustle of the working week.

As a result, this morning I took myself off with a morning brew and sat in the sun. I listened to the birds – they had much to say and I let my mind wander. I can’t say I ‘thought’ as much as allowed the fleeting moments to pass.

I ended up grabbing a pad and pen and revisiting some of the larger questions mentioned earlier. I didn’t get caught up in the why or the how, I just let my pen float and the bird song did the rest.

After twenty minutes I felt rejuvenated, focused and ready to play the game of life. We had family plans and so I jumped back into family life. Later that evening we sat in the garden to eat dinner (a rare but always welcome occasion in the UK) and the bird song reoccurred. It was then that I realised what a luxury it was to pause life and how essential it was to listen to the birds, to listen to your inter voice and to close of the world’s distraction.

We don’t always need to escape but it’s essential that we pause. Sometimes routines can enhance our lives but at other times they can become so habitual that they no longer serve the current version of ourselves. I can see why writers often take themselves out of their homes to a cafe or park, a change of scenery or a brief break from our normal schedule can make all the difference in our lives. Whilst today I feel like the bird song background choir helped me process my vision, I’ve also reflected on my morning routine and how I can enhance my outcomes. Should you be blessed with a morning of sun, grab a drink and some paper/pen, it might just make your morning and it could change your life.

Everything is a choice

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Having a choice feels free and exciting, it means you are in control and as humans we like to be (or like to think) we are in control. That said, as an adult I have the choice of choosing what my family eats EVERY DAY and it’s exhausting! Some choice opportunities are better than others.

At times, life can give us multiple choices that again, can become overwhelming and sometimes that smallest of choices can drain our souls (did I mention picking my families menu for the week?)

We can also feel like we don’t have a choice and that can be just as terrifying. The quote suggests that we always have a choice and whilst I agree I think it’s important to remember that nothing in life is ever simple. Let’s take the scenario that you’re in a cafe and the waitress brings you over a latte, only you ordered tea. You may think you can’t do anything about it but this small issue can be altered by many different outcomes, here’s a few choices you could consider;

  • Drink the latte
  • Look confused and hope the waitress has telepathically worked out the error
  • Order a new beverage
  • Politely remind the waitress of your order and ask for her to take the latte back and bring you a tea
  • Sulk – but do nothing
  • Leave without drinking anything

You may think you don’t have a choice, your social etiquette and anxiety may prevent you from doing anything but that in itself doesn’t stop the choice being there.

Outcomes are something that we sometimes didn’t choose and wouldn’t want for ourselves. It can feel like our choices haven’t been taken into account, which in itself can feel awful. Not so much with incorrect drink orders but larger outcomes like not getting the job we applied for, the paperwork we need, a medical diagnosis or experiencing fertility outcomes we hadn’t thought possible. This is where the magic lies. Warning : it doesn’t feel like magic at the time, it feels like swallowing bricks. Sometimes, we can’t change the outcome but we do still have a choice in how we react and move on from the outcome given to us. This often means letting go of how we perceived the situation was going to work out. (Note: this is hard!) However, if we can let go of the hows and the when’s, then we allow magic to enter that often allows us to achieve our outcome.

I should also add, we are all working this out as we go. Life doesn’t have a manual but what I can offer you is billions of choices in each life time. Studies have recently shared that as adults we make 122 choices on average each day, the fun part is that half of these we then alter. The best thing you can do on your current path is be content with the choices you do have and let go of ‘how’ the outcome is achieved. Great news is that if you haven’t liked anything I’ve written about you have the choice to stop reading, that said I hope you keep returning for more content. Perhaps everything really is a choice?

The ending won’t end you

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

K.Tolnoe

On 17th September 2023 I began a painting challenge. It involved one hundred Pantone cards and the idea was to paint one a week. I introduced myself to using Gouche paint and the reason I began was not only to have a creative outlet but to develop a skill.

A couple of weeks ago I painted card number fifty six. However, I haven’t been enjoying the process for some time and have missed weeks or painted things that didn’t interest me. I am extremely good at seeing things through, even if they are a little dull or tough but I realised that this challenge was no longer serving me and had in fact become an unnecessary burden.

Ladies and gentlemen we don’t do burdens at fridge central. Life is too short. So we did the sensible thing and put out paintbrushes back in their pockets (clean obviously). Does it bother me that I didn’t finish at least on a round number, preferable a ten – yes! But sitting and painting four paintings I don’t wish to do is not something I am going to spend energy on.

Luckily, I am generally good at seeing things through, so I’m not abandoning a challenge half way through and recognising a pattern that concerns me, nor will I concern my inner critic over the abandonment – why? Honestly, we killed her off a long time ago, I try to do things that keep me creative, learning and sparking joy but not at the cost of feeling bored.

I do enjoy painting the little squares I did manage to complete and I also plan to return to the challenge at a later point. However, I know myself well enough to realise it was no longer serving me. Sure in adult land that are many things we have to do, but when it comes to some aspects they are options, for example if you don’t enjoy the gym, venture outside for a run, try taking a class or perhaps find your own challenge to reignite your exercise habits.

I also found other benefits to this creative process such as, seeing improvements in my skill, learning to laugh at the process when things went wrong (embarrassingly wrong) and carving some time for myself away from the demands of work and family life to do something for me. I definitely prefer painting in winter, snuggled in front of the fire. So perhaps in a few months I shall find those paint brushes and start phase two of ‘100 Pantone challenge’ until then you’ll find me outside exploring this wonderful world and soaking up the sun.