Month: February 2026

Forever is composed of nows

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Emily Dickinson

Regularly fridge dwellers will know I’m a Disney fan, but the films always seem to stop at the happy ever after part…then what happens? How does the couple make it through, are they smiling at the end? Perhaps with a blue bird or two on their shoulders.

Mr F has been part of my universe since about 2005, absorbing my heart fully in 2008 (before we were just friends), having a joint bank account and mortgage since 2009, getting down on one knee in 2011 and living each day side by side.

Next weekend marks his birthday, another year around the sun, another year he doesn’t want any gifts (I didn’t fall for a material guy), another year he doesn’t want cake (Ladies, a lesson here ‘always check the small print’ I think the line about birthday cake was missed out and let’s be honest I always want an excuse to eat cake), he is a no fuss, ‘crack on’ kind of guy. So much so he confuses my concept of time, sometimes I feel like we’ve been locked in a tower for a hundred years together and at other times, it seems we’re just beginning the journey and stepping into the carriage.

Close friends will know I describe him as the string to my balloon – My world is made of huge ideas, spontaneous actions and impulses. He grabs my ankles before I float off and grounds me, he reminds me of my priorities, of what I’m trying to achieve and he holds me still…still enough to process my thoughts but he would never pop my balloon. He rarely says no and every time I come back through our front door from an adventure he always asks how my day was. He is extremely good at listening and sucks at knowing where the dishwasher is located and how to use it.

He can’t fold a bath towel but he makes up for that by doing all the long car driving. He does the lions share of dog walks and without him she may go unfed…he also feeds the Gecko and runs an awesome bubble bath. *not at the same time.

He rarely smiles, but when he does it’s worth the wait.

On Friday I asked him about when we could celebrate, he surprised me by suggesting some places he’d like to go out to eat at…I then had to explain that our twelve year old had already planned somewhere to go. He smiled and said ‘that’s fine’…he’s relaxed nature is something I’m forever grateful for, particularly when chaos hits. When darkness strikes and our worlds are thrown upside down I turn into a tornado of emotion and spontaneous combustion, he speaks calmly…takes full control and problem solves like a Jedi warrior. If I’m ever ill, he is practical…he’ll make me a cup of tea, remove the bouncing child and allow me to sleep, what he won’t indulge in is my dramatic list of ‘what if’s’

Emily Dickinson is right, there is no ‘forever’ but just lots of nows. Each moment adding to the depths of forever. Some moments we share are joyful like snuggling on the sofa laughing together over a new streamed series, some I enjoy more than him -!like when he brings me a drink in bed most mornings,!others are mundane like who picks the little dude up from training, some ‘nows’ have been sad, tragic and complicated…but we have survived and at times thrives.

When you have a baby many people tell you it passes so quickly, whilst I agree, I also think that my own ‘growing up’ is also whizzing past…how the heck did I become the adult in this reality series called my life?

Whilst we can’t control time, we can make sure our ‘nows’ make an awesome forever to look back on.

Happy birthday Mr F, you mean the world to us. Thank you for all you do and here’s to another year of nows – hopefully with more happiness, travel and laughs.

P.S the dishwasher is located on the right hand side of the kettle. It looks like a cupboard but don’t let the fool you.

The things we love tell us what we are

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by St Thomas Aquinas

The things I love are: books, tea, stars, my car, disco balls, house plants, baking, cardigans, walking, art, theatre shows and hugs.

I’m not sure what this tells me? That I’m a sparkling, creative academic who likes pretty things…actually that’s probably true. It seems Thomas was correct. Not at all my intention for this post but I totally suggest you freely write a list of all to the things you love and see if it matches up with reality.

I’m unsure I like the word ‘things’ as I wanted to include people. When I think of love I think of the people that I care most about, animals and I guess perhaps walking and theatre aren’t things – perhaps things to do, so I altered the list slightly.

I think we are more than Thomas suggested, ‘we are’ the attributes of our behaviours – we are how we treat others, the values we push out into this discombobulated spinning planet. We are how we make others feel.

In death and traditional eulogies a whistle stop tour of events; birth, education, employment and marriage are mentioned. These are not who we are – these are what we did. I’ve personally never wept a tear because ‘Margaret worked in marketing for nineteen years’ but I have felt sorry for the loss of how others made me feel, kept me in mind.

We should tell people more. In life, we should share random moments of confirmation of how people made us feel. We could hand write notes, send texts or just tell people when we see them. ‘I’m a better person for knowing you because… I love you dearly because… or a simple cheers for always….’ in the month of the over priced flower, chocolate heaving Valentine’s Day that’s squished in the middle of February, instead of getting caught in the consumerism , reach out to those you are grateful for and share how you feel. Memories fade around things but how others make use feel transforms lives.

Makeup is art, beauty is spirit

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Dear son,

Approaching thirteen you asked me a question and I’m not sure I did the answer any justice. Instead, I’ve taken some time to scribble my words on the page and now I’m ready to share my answer.

You explained that the girls in your school are plastering on make up, drowning themselves in phenoxyethanol and benzophenomes (your high ability science and I don’t know what these are, but I get the gist), you told me the girls randomly stick mini stickers in the shape of stars, hearts and mushrooms that are meant to hide blemishes but as you eloquently point out, instead draw attention. You finish your confused monologue with ‘all to impress boys and Mum – we don’t like it’

This is what I wished I had said in that moment. It’s not about you. It’s never for boys.

My own story with makeup means you have seen very little modelled on your Mumma. I taught in an all girls school for over eleven years and began this in my mid twenties. I arrived at work daily with a face full of concealer, foundation, blush, mascara, sometimes eyeliner, sometimes eyeshadow and realised that as I preached at the front of the assembly hall on topics of self love, how as young women my girls should love themselves and not worry about others, I was hiding behind a mask myself. Realising my hypocrisy I scaled down my make up operation. I taught makeup-less most days, added concealer when required, a whisp of mascara when desired…but mainly I taught from a place of authenticity. I’m very blessed that my self love is high and doesn’t rely on external products. That isn’t the same for everyone.

Makeup can be fun and on a special occasion I will often use a variety of different shades to ‘enhance’ my features. That said, I have never once dressed or put makeup for boys. I don’t think your father notices if I wear mascara or not. I’m pretty certain he doesn’t, as I can come back from the hairdressers with a full head of highlights and he asks where I’ve been, it’s likely he doesn’t even know what mascara is. It’s never to attract boys, because you are right – generally, the male gaze isn’t keen on makeup.

The girls in your school are working out who they are. This is a deeply personal matter and society has added makeup as a step from girls world to womanhood. Like it or not, it’s there and it’s complex. For some it is a mask, it’s hides deep insecurities and for others it’s frivolous fun. Make up can come with a thousand connotations that as a boy – are none of your business.

If anything, the girls in your school are putting makeup on for other girls. I often dress for my female friends, I always dress to express and I always wear what I want…again with my content confidence I don’t worry about others nor if the outfit and the setting are appropriate and I’ve been cold more often that not because I always forget a coat and never dress practically. But I am happy…cold but happy. All of what I wear and how I present myself is my business.

The issue currently for you is that most girls are appalling at putting on makeup. Like, really bad. They are at the stabiliser part of riding a bike, it gets better in time but falling off in terms of makeup can look horrendous. If you had seen the drawn on eye brows of 2011 you to would have known where Crayola got this inspiration for the chiselled tip . In 2006 I taught in Essex and the fake orange tan smell across the school could put year nine boys to sleep – it may sound stereotypical but the previous white collared school shirts where autumnal shades of orange and brown were a very real thing. But it’s not your business. As their teacher it’s not my business.

What someone adds to their body is their concern only. All that matters is that you treat yourself with respect. By treating yourself with respect that in turn means you allow kindness to be spoken from your lips. If you see contours on a girls face that look like she’a playing cowboy and Indian’s – you do not need to say anything. You don’t even need to compliment a girl who has clearly invested hours of YouTube ‘how to’ videos and looks stunning…it’s still none of your business. You may become close to that girl or perhaps even be her boyfriend – still none of your business. Other peoples faces and fashions are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Instead, I can tell promise it gets better. The girls will take off their makeup stabilisers and learn how to blend, purchase the right products for them (and not something pushed by Tik-Tok algorithms ) in time the makeup in the room will feel less ‘loud’ to you. It’s just a phase and my gorgeous boy, puberty will have its own pathway for you, focus on you and always remain kind.

Love Mum x