Month: July 2024

That it will never come again, is what makes life so sweet.

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Emily Dickinson

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and if we are blessed it’s just far enough that we can learn from it, but not so close that it pierces our soul and destroys us.

On Friday 31st May a friend died.

She is a mother, too central to this world. Her family needs her and like most deaths I’m perplexed that the world is still spinning?

I knew her from my previous job setting. She was a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, my favourite thing about her was her humour; it was dark, loud, brash and epic.

This morning I woke early around 5am and went downstairs to read. It’s a book I’ve been reading for a while called Tom Lake. I turned the page and her name was the first word I read. Emily. Whilst it gave me comfort I’m sure even in death she’s busy supporting her family but the idea that her spirit might of given me a cheeky wink pleased me immensely. You see, when it comes to grief and the after life ‘to be or not to be’ it’s really all about if I believe, that’s all that matters. If the person grieving receives peace – that’s the gift.

Usually, my posts aren’t so personal but it seems the world is going to continue to spin, so I’m processing her loss in the written word. I guess we all find our methods.

Emily recently taught me some lessons:

When she shared her diagnosis, she gave a background, mainly of not feeling well but never ‘having time’ to get checked out. This irony is not lost on me. By the time she had gone to the GP (Doctor surgery in the UK) her prognosis was beyond comprehension. As a full time working parent I resonate with often not prioritising my own health. I instantly made two appointments, a routine Smear and a physio appointment, both overdue. My shoulder hasn’t been happy for some time but it gives me little to no discomfort so I ignored it. If this was my child I would never neglect his health. How ridiculous that I often write about self love and self care but had delayed making these appointments.

A good bra is worth it: About eight years a go I bought a white bra from Next. When I got home, I went to follow my usual protocol of cutting away any labels, but as I looked down my bra was called Emily. I left the label as it made me smile – who knew a bra could have a name. The next day wearing said bra I walked into her office and lifted up my top proudly to announce to Emily that my bra was named after her! She was taken back and we laughed at my randomness and delight in a label. When her prognosis became terminal I reminded her that my bra was still being worn. With her incredible humour she responded with laughter at our fond memories ‘haha you silly bean. Thank you for making me giggle’

It’s my belief that Emily was a disco ball. She was a reflection of laughter and beauty, plus she loved a party. Life often cracks us along the way, but a disco ball continues to sparkle despite its breaks, it’s both whole and many pieces. It makes sense that the spirit world would want a disco ball? Shine bright dearest Emily and may your family be drenched in love and blessings in the days, months and years to come. I already miss you terribly.

Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote by Karen Salmansonn

This week I wanted to share a story that warmed my heart and it came from one of my favourite places…my local library.

Often on a Saturday morning we visit our local library, a place that brings me immense joy. The library has so many lovely memories from my childhood but also was a wonderful bridge into adulthood when the world felt a little uncertain – the library remained calm and consistent. However, my library joy truly burst its seams when my child was born and I was able to indulge in all the wonderful adventures through my child’s eyes, it’s a sacred space.

Yesterday we took our bag of books back to be returned and juggled the machines with new finds and I was even blessed to find slips with my name on the side in the ‘reserved’ section on the library! For those that don’t know this wonder – this is a shelf much like Christmas where you can reserve a book that perhaps you can’t find on the shelf or the librarian will have it ready for you to collect. They pop a receipt in the top with your name on and send you an email to confirm when it’s ready to collect.

Within the juggle of my own books and my child’s, I had forgotten to extend the loan of one of the books I was half way through reading but left without realising, due to the excitement of all the new ‘book bounty’ we had received.

Last night, I was checking emails and doing life admin when an email from my librarian caught my eye…

Hello, I have found a postcard in a book which you were the last borrower of at ***** Library. The book is ****** by ****** and the postcard found is pink with a rhino on it. I’ve just popped it by the desk. 

 How lovely is that! I should note I took out the name of the book and the author as I wasn’t overwhelmed by the book and wouldn’t necessarily want to indorse it BUT how lovely is that! The postcard is cute but not sentimental, it’s a picture of a rhino with the quote ‘real unicorns have curves’ which made me laugh, however the act of finding this and then looking up who last had it and then emailing me…in a world where often people can’t find the time to say hello in the street I find AMAZINGLY KIND. To that degree, I plan to go to the library and collect my bookmark and perhaps take a little treat to return the gesture.

Kindness is my greatest gift, I enjoy being both the receiver and the giver and it often costs very little materially. Kindness is contagious and you can receive joy through hearing about other people’s experiences of kind acts, to that degree I hope my post this week made you smile and you are sick with kindness, if so…pass it on!

You can’t rush something you want to last forever

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote anon

I saw this quote in a magazine, it was in the background on a photograph of quotes hanging on a wall with a celebrity posing in front.

It made me think what I would like to last forever; health, my favourite flavour crisp, financial security, love, gravity… forever is a long time, and with a human life span almost nothing in the grand scheme of things.

In marriage ceremonies people often exchange ‘forever’ vows that can end up in divorce. Much of the data around marriages and divorces is currently unreliable due to the impact of the lockdowns. The highest year for marriages in the UK was 1972 – 426,241 couples married that year. In 2019 it had declined by 48%. Of course the topic hugely varies with many factors from cultural, ethnic, age and regions with variations in patterns across the UK. In terms of our topic of ‘forever’ some say that despite divorce, love can sometimes transcend the court papers. The other issue is defining love is hugely variable between individual’s.

That said, in the UK we are very good at building castles, buildings that stand for centuries. Whilst Germany has the most castles in Europe, Wales has the most per square mile and England has over 1,500. When you look at the ‘castle’ classification list you see that for a building to be classified as a castle in needs a certain number of bricks and that’s when it hit me!

Foundations. These often last forever, or beyond a human life span, far less fickle than love. As we reflect on the week ahead what foundations have you laid for future generations? I’m not talking pestle and mortar (unless you built your house which I think is very cool) but what will be your legacy? The great news is you’ve already begun laying it and you’ll continue until the day you die.

How you treat people, how you make them feel and of course the support you give are often how we recall loved ones who had passed away. You can’t rush a legacy because it’s ongoing, ever moving and not always our ‘best work’ – much like UK divorce rates, individual relationships vary and that’s ok. With each new day you lay another brick on your structure, you can’t rush the important pieces and you can’t rush the sections that make you feel uncomfortable. Building a life takes a life time, that too unprecedented and hugely varying in length. So make sure you use the time you do have wisely and add a sparkly brick every now and then.