Month: November 2023

What’s yours will be yours

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

As an only child I grew up thinking everything was mine and all about me, if I’m honest not a lot has altered in four decades.

However, viewing the world through envy can often get the best of us, in a world skewered by social media filters, images of distant tropical lands be explored and pretty patterns on coffee floats somehow gloating ‘perfection has been achieved’. That said, I think envy and jealous moments are natural and can give us motivation to new goals or opportunities. I find it uncomfortable when the green eyed monster pops in for a cup of tea and I am mentally healthier if they are kept at a distance.

I recently saw a Instagram reel that said in 100 years nobody will know who you were on a personal level and in 200 years most people won’t be remembered at all. It went on to say that the house you work hard to pay for will belong to a new family, your possessions scattered amongst people you haven’t met or didn’t know, most in landfill… the post was intended to make me feel care free, less materialist and joyful of this new perspective. It honestly left me feeling hopeless and overwhelmed with a ‘what’s the point attitude’ however, as we move into the season of materialism and Christmas overwhelm we can easily be affected by what others have, the need to keep up and the focus on what matters can be shadowed by excessive Christmas lights and the smell of cinnamon.

It’a easy to write that material objects don’t matter, that when you die – you cant take them with you but at the same time it’s wonderful to receive a parcel wrapped up with you in mind. What do we do?

Like usual, we balance the things that matter to us. Perhaps your neighbours have a better house, your brother drives a newer car with a higher specification than you…if cars and houses aren’t your thing and you like to travel, put your focus on travel and hope that your car starts in the morning. If you care about your appearance, if shopping and having beauty treatments brings you joy – do this. What’s yours is meant for you. Everything else and everything that everyone else has is just a distraction. A distraction from your authenticity.

In relationships I strongly believe if you’re meant to be together then you’ll both put in the effort that is needed, if only one of you wants the relationship the other ‘fighting for’ it will only suffocate the process. Remember sometimes we think we want something and there is often something better to come. You don’t have to fight for what’s yours.

Instead let me lend you my only child ‘leading lady’ attitude. Focus on yourself, work towards goals that mean something to you and not because you’re trying to keep up with your peers. Congratulate those around you when they achieve what they desire, but just because number 22 has new windows doesn’t mean you need to follow suit. By focusing on yourself and your goals you’ll find that you can materialise the experiences, feelings and targets that mean something to you much more efficiently.

Do more of what makes you happy

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

This is a quick post today to take a moment to reflect. What makes you happy? Perhaps an easier question is what do you enjoy doing? Sometimes ‘happiness’ can feel out of reach and often is experienced as a fleeting moment that comes and goes.

We can often become overwhelmed by the ever growing list of things we should be doing and forget to make time for the things we enjoy simply because we enjoy them. We wait for excuse to celebrate, to break open the fizz or wait for an occasion to make the effort to see loved ones…

Todays advice is much like Nikes slogan: just do it. Book the theatre tickets, book the plane tickets – see the world, or don’t see the world. Grab a cup of tea in your favourite cup, add your favourite snack and read a good book. Step into your authentic place of happiness

You are worthy of a life that makes you smile. A life that is sprinkled with moments of joy. Surround yourself with people that love you and that you love in return and don’t waste your time in relationships you’ve outgrown or people who don’t have your best interests at heart.

If I reflect on many of my happiest moments, the great news is they often financially cost very little, if anything. They always involve my loved ones and some last longer than others. Imagine a world where you prioritised how you felt as much as you made time to remember to put the bins out. Now imagine everyone in the world prioritised their happiness and not just their own, but took others peoples happiness into account. How incredible would that world be and how many of our planets struggles would dissipate? It all starts with a sprinkle of your own happiness and a reflection on what matters to you.

Beauty starts in your head not in the mirror

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from Regina Daniels

Growing up around many different kind of women and then blossoming into one myself, I’ve learnt many things about beauty.

Firstly, I noticed that the women in my life that didn’t love their body shapes didn’t look in mirrors. At least, not large full length creations. Instead small and practical mirrors were used ‘when necessary’ and for practical purposes.

Another woman taught me that beauty was something to aim for, but because it was aspirational but that if you had time to worry about appearances, blemishes and colour combinations then you probably didn’t have many worries in your life.

If I combine these two thoughts alone, then I think that this quote might be slightly off track. I believe that beauty doesn’t start in the mirror and nor does it start in the head. In my heart is where I store my compassion, love and respect. These are needed as a foundation when glaring at self. What you see isn’t always how you perceive your reflection to be and it may tell as different story to the one in your head. Scars can tell magnificent stories of triumph and bravery but they can also bring sadness, despair and shame. Of course to alter the story and be comfortable in your reflection you need to rewire your brain to reframe the memory and this can take time.

Beauty isn’t usually as superficial as the world might let us believe, we often find beauty in unique traits, the small details and the imperfections of others. We often struggle internally to give ourself the same compassion.

When I was 13 years old I was at a party and a boy told me that I couldn’t dance as well as my friend. Instantly I felt scorned, judged and ugly, my instant reaction was to hide. However, I come from a loving home and was raised on a pedestal. I have always psycho analysed behaviour traits in myself and others since forever. I allowed the boy to ruin the party for me, I did stop dancing and I went home early. At home I thought about the minute details of the dancing I had done and what I need to do to improve, then it occurred to me…who the fuck does he think he is? How dare a boy who I barely knew feel he could judge me? By this time, I was fuming and angry that I’d allowed someone I had never invested in, ruin my evening. I don’t believe in holding on to negative energy, I never have and so at school on Monday I approached the boy in my English class (he sat directly in front of me) at the end of the lesson and I asked him if he had enjoyed the party and importantly if he was ok? Confused, he stated that the party was ‘ok’ and that he was fine. I reminded him of the comment he had made to me and that I thought it was odd he had commented, as we weren’t friends and I didn’t realise he was a dance teacher, I ended the rant (to which the boy just stared at me) by thanking him for having my best intentions but that as I was already attending dance classes I wouldn’t require his input in future.

My appearance is nobody else’s concern (unless I’ve once again forgot to put a coat on, then even middle aged I may still need my Mum to remind me), how I dance is nobody else’s concern, I can decide to absorb other peoples views of me, or simply thank them for their time and move on. When I look in the mirror I can choose to view myself with love or criticism. What do you choose?

You can do anything but not everything

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote has several origins

This week I was listening to one of my regular podcasts, Kathryn Ryan’s – ‘Telling everybody everything’ and she mentioned this premise in one of her recent episodes. We can often feel guilty for not being the best partner, as we are also being the best mother and at work we are full time committed to being the best employer/employee…it’s a perpetuating circle that often leads to unfulfilled happiness within ourselves, as we can’t be everything to everyone…oh and did I mention, we also need to have wonderful self care regimes, self love, a nutritious diet, regular exercise and quality sleep? It’s a to do list worth aspiring to but one that often is unattainable. Whilst I fully agree with this, I think it’s crucial that we teach our children that they can have it all, just not all at once.

I want to provide my child with all the opportunities to succeed and to become whatever he would like to be. At this point his interests are wide and skill sets are vast, he really could be anything when he decides on a career path. My son is happy, healthy and loved. These are nonnegotiable, but recently I’ve been teaching him how to balance responsibilities and the various elements of life, why? Because you can do everything and be anything but you can’t do it all at the same time.

It’s a skill that isn’t taught in school but one in which I try to role model for his current and future wellbeing. I do this by speaking my thoughts out loud and then explaining how I’m going to complete the tasks; it could be as simple as explaining that I want to go and have a bubble bath, I need a face mask but the washing needs loading, hanging and I need to clean the bathroom. I’ll then explain how I’m going to make the list workable (I’ll wear my face mask whilst cleaning the bathroom or I’ll run the bath and before I step in I’ll pop the washing on… I also think it’s essential to also role model asking for help and also compromise, so I may explain I won’t have time to clean the bathroom and have a bath, but I can have a shower after cleaning the bathroom, or I’ll say if I make time for a bath could he help me by hanging the washing out? So often team work and a sharing of responsibilities is essential so that the family unit can thrive.

This may seem like an obvious post but as a Mumma in 2023 where dreams seem an instant attainable option by clicking a link, I do want my child to dream big, but also want him to be grounded and have strategies to achieving those goals. So, if you are preaching the positive quotes that ‘What my fridge says’ inspires, make sure any little ears also have access to techniques to help them achieve. It’s worth reflecting, as recently my son had a party to attend but also had a homework task due, by the time the evening came around he had done ten extra minutes in the days leading up to the party (without my prompting) to leave him free to go off and enjoy himself, in his own little way ‘he had it all’ and that’s as skillset I can get behind.

Dream big little dude.