Month: September 2023

Judge me by the people I avoid

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Anon

Judgement is complicated. I read a blog earlier this week about it and this quote therefore resonated.

In the blog the writer made an excellent point about judging others by our own standards, her example was based around teaching. She is always earlier to her session by about fifteen minutes, she prepares the room and waits for her clients and she always starts on time. If another teacher enters one minute before the class begins and goes straight into teaching – both classes started on time. Both teachers have met their expectable standard… it really got my mind thinking

I’ll save you a week of thinking by sharing my conclusion. Judgement is a waste of time but a habit out primitive brain uses to keep us safe, as a result it’s hard not to judge. I’ll give you some every day examples; you enter a cafe and queue for a drink, you notice the ladies jumper in front of you and judge it as ugly. WASTE OF TIME – the lady likes it and your opinion that (hopefully) is kept in your head is irrelevant. No harm is done, except you’re wasting your energy thinking about an ugly jumper rather than what delicious treat to have with your drink. Another example; You’re driving down the road and notice the car in front of you is swerving, you become frustrated…annoyed / angry. This doesn’t help the driver in front of you to drive better and it doesn’t help you focus. Noticing it might help you remain vigilant, but after the initial judgement it quickly becomes more of a burden than a blessing, also if like me you have a huge imagination within a minute you’ve wasted your time creating an entire scenario as to why the driver is swerving, named the driver and any other characters who may have done something to get to this swerving moment. Ultimately – you’ve wasted your time.

Judgment as a parent is exhausting! You tell they are eating too quickly, too slowly, you judge them on how dirty they’ve become – how much food they have around their faces (and often eye brows?) and none of these judgments making the pace of eating any different, except the parent becomes visually more frustrated with each judgemental breath.

If a giant wild bear is chasing after you please do judge that as a dangerous situation and act accordingly, but bears aside we are often happier the less judgment we weigh ourselves down with. Whilst I don’t have the answer, as I still believe judgment has a small place in keeping us safe, I do think we could all reduce how often we judge. Over the next few weeks I plan to do this by simply noticing when I judge. If I can catch myself doing it, I can reduce the momentum of after thoughts and diffuse it’s energy. Once I’ve noticed it, I will simply pause and let it go.

As for this particular quote, I’ve just returned from a long Sunday beach walk with my boys and our dog, feel free to judge me on the company I keep – I spoke and (after checking with the owner) cuddled every dog that came in a five metre radius. I avoided all human connection, you can’t go wrong by avoiding humanity and I’m now writing this alone in the living room with my own dog curled up next to me, perfection.

Creativity takes courage

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

If you’re on social media you may have seen the ‘Pantone challenge’, for those of you that haven’t, I’ll give you a brief overview. In essence you open up the (gorgeous) box of 100 Pantone cards – these are often used for colour matching, interior design and general arty joy and for the next one hundred days you use the influence of the coloured card to paint something. At the end of the one hundred days you have one hundred tiny pieces of art joy. If you’re interested in taking a look at some then Pinterest has lots of examples as does Instagram, using hashtags such as #pantonechallenge #pantonechallenge2023 Many of the examples that I’ve looked at have comments from artists such as how challenging it is to paint so small, or they’ve used it as a way to try and get out of their comfort zones using new art media’s or painting things they aren’t usual in their repertoire.

I am many things but an artist I am not. My Dad was pretty good and my Mum when I’d ask her to draw me something would reply.. “the only thing I can draw is breath”’ somewhere in the DNA I fell in between the cracks…I can hold my own but I wouldn’t suggest I have any talent. The UK examining board would agree – in 1998 I got a C grade (level 4/5 in todays terms) GCSE in art, right down the middle in the grading ranks but neither captivating or anything to be embarrassed of. I took the subject for a range of reasons, mainly because I liked it and also to reduce the number of written exams/revision and pressure I would have during the exam period.

I enjoyed my art lessons but quickly learnt it was a ‘visibly flawed environment’ to be in. Whilst art will always be subjective, at fourteen years old you know what you have drawn is better or worse than the people you are sat next to. This can be liberating and ego affirming or drastically humiliating and frustrating. One of my best homework memories I did was to sketch a dead fishes head…my Dad and I went to the fish counter and came home with our bounty, we sat and sketched together at the dining room table, me sketching away with my tongue drooling out from the corner of my mouth – the sign of true concentration, rubbing out various sections in fits passion and him flying in with his pencil to save the day. I was proud of those sketches, more so for its team work.

Now a days my ‘art work’ appears in two clear forms. I colour when I need to focus in online meetings (my diary even at 40 years old is a children’s ‘colour me in’ calendar of absolute joy) and I can doodle when bored or frustrated. Whilst I don’t consider myself an artist I am hugely creative (the Batchelor of Arts degree my confirmation) and when I don’t have a creative outlet I become unsettled in my soul. A recipe for a happy Lucy soul requires a balance of good food, daily meditation and yoga, reading books and a creative outlet, perhaps another reason I began this blog in 2014?

The Pantone challenge interested me and so I have purchased a box! Whilst I don’t plan to paint for one hundred days (I’m a full time working parent with plants to adore and pets to snuggle) I have set myself the task of producing one a week. To hold myself accountable I’ll post them on Instagram @fridgesays and I hope to display my newest creation in the confines of my home. Without my peers over my shoulder I hope to enjoy the task. Adult life is often with chores and sadly my creative side doesn’t lend itself to DIY…I also thought I could keep all of the pieces in the box and so wouldn’t burden my house with sketch books and canvasses galore. Mainly, I’m also doing it to get out of my comfort zone and to hopefully with time, patience and persistence get better at painting. I’m using Gouache paints recommended by my ‘proper paid artist’ Father-in-law (no pressure) and I’m anxious about this challenge because anything worth doing, anything out of your comfort zone and anything visual to all can be a little scary.

However, this post isn’t about my art challenge at all, I’m sharing it with you in hope you will reflect on what it takes to balance and light up your soul…do you need to exercise consistently, read more or sleep better? Perhaps you use to be incredible at art but haven’t picked up a pencil since you was fourteen, maybe you have other talents that the adult world means you have cast aside. Take the courage to step outside of your comfort zone, learn something new and reignite your soul. I wish you luck and if in one hundred weeks if I have over fifty cards that I’m proud of, perhaps future me will be a little more content and better with a paint brush than the 1998 version.

I wish you a kinder sea

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

I’m privileged to live near the sea and much like most aspects of nature, I love the sea in various conditions. Pebbles and sand beaches, stormy and powerful tides that make you feel energised and invigorated as the wind whips your hair and the sea spits out white foam, flat calm seas that are joyful when we have the paddle board out, often leaving me feelings balanced and joyful, then there are tidal waves that have always a melody to them as they rise and fall. My favourites are all the in between seas too…a little windy but ‘not too choppy’ or the warm sea that is wonderful to paddle your feet in as dusk falls and the wind begins to pick up.

If we think of the sea as a humongous living metaphor for life, then it makes sense that it has so many variants. Sometimes we can feel like we are drowning in endless battles as the waves of life sweep us off our feet and at other times we enjoy the sea salt kisses the spray brings, the warm tides that tickle our toes and envelope us like a hug – so often I leave the sea feeling cleansed and renewed.

Life with its ups and downs, often can feel as unpredictable as the sea…one minute you’re paddling through effortlessly and the next you are out of depth and struggling to keep your head above water. Sometimes if you turn your back to the sea you can quickly find the waves can whisk you on the floor with a soggy bottom and you are left bemused wondering how it even happened?

As the quote states above – I wish you an kinder sea. One that forgives, a life that cleanses your soul but also gives you joy. I do believe that dark stormy tides are moments in life we can learn from, build strength and resilience from and ultimately can be an opportunity for personal growth.

I wish you a kinder sea that gives you freedom to explore, that leads you to new voyages and lands afar. I wish you a kinder sea that allows you to see your worth, I wish this for everyone.

Perhaps me wishing isn’t enough? Perhaps we need to observe and reflect on the sea we have in front of us and treat it accordingly. When danger appears, we need to have the tools to protect ourselves, reaching for our self care life jackets, when the sea is absorbing us we need to build boundaries and see defences to keep it at bay. Lastly but essentially, we need to treat those around us with the kindest we wish to have. You can be a kind sea if you are poisoned with sewage or negative energy such as envy or doubt.

I will keep wishing for kinder seas and I hope to live in a kinder sea myself. I know I need to take my eyes of the horizon and enjoy the sea below, the where I am now. But as a seasoned sailor I also know the horizon is not always my friend, that in can alter my course at any moment. Let’s all wish for kinder seas.

Sometimes miracles are just good people with kind hearts

~ Fridgesays ~ 1 Comment

Quote from the poet cafe

I adore this quote. It’s true, most of the joy that reaches us, the moments we thought might never happen – they took an army of smaller moments and sometimes people to make happen.

Much like a ripple in a pool of water I’ve always felt that good vibes, happiness and miracles happen because of two ingredients.

The first is belief. Choosing to see the best in life even when you’re aware there are shadows of doubt. You ignore these shadows and give your full attention to the glimmers of joy, you reframe the negative to see the outcome you wish to see. You are not naive to the shadows (this is how they bite you) but you starve them from fear, worry or your attention. You instead feed your soul and perspective with positive energy. Here’s a simple example a neighbour said to me ‘phew it’s too hot today for me’ and I decided to not feed her negative energy, instead I responded with ‘im loving that my washing has dried so quickly – the laundry basket is empty!’ She then responded to my energy and told me about her washing…small moment that add momentum to future miracles.

The second is showing kindness above the every day ‘opening of doors’. I am very proud to have had two friends donate kidneys, one to their spouse and the other to her cousin. The gift of life. WOW if that doesn’t resonate with ‘good people and kind hearts’ although maybe in this example the quote should be ‘good people with kind kidneys’ then nothing can. Actually, we’re all here due to human connection, if we’re lucky we were born by two kind humans in love, with a dash of the miracle of science.

To receive miracles you have to be open to receiving them, you don’t need to plan how they occur or when…just what you’d like to see, feel and become. The rest is patience, belief and usually some good people around you. Spend some time this week thinking about what you’d like to receive, it could be small or big the universe isn’t bothered by size. Just be authentic to your needs and desires. Meanwhile look for the smaller miracles that others miss.

Back to school

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Not really a quote?

I have lived the majority of my life within a school setting, as a result September it a ‘new year’ moment for me, time to reflect and of course purchase new stationary.

With my new diary updated and my fresh pens out of the pot, it’s also a time that I reflect and also establish new goals for the coming ‘academic’ year. This year the little dude is in his last year of Primary school. I’m excited for the opportunities he’ll have and also closing his village school chapter as he spreads his wings (and probably loses all of his new stationary in the process) into secondary school life.

As a result I have a very simple goal. To be in the present. Rather than planning ahead or worrying about things that haven’t happened (future lost stationary) I am going to try and be more present, enjoying and appreciating the moment. We know life flies at a hundred miles an hour and as a parent you do have to make plans ahead of time, certainly as a working Mum I also need several arms completing various tasks at the same time…but pausing and taking in the moment is something we can sometimes over look.

Today (Sunday) my son returned to Rugby training, another season welcomed us in and I realised that the new term had already begun. My plans were to get home, prepare dinner, clean and get organised for the school week ahead…instead I’ve decided to abandon the kitchen chaos and instead, as a family we are going paddle boarding. Why? The sun is out (not something that has been observed much this summer holidays) and I feel the need to drink in the last moments of summer. To capture the most of us as a family in this moment.

To help me focus on the ‘now’ I’m going to move my gratitude diary that I complete every morning to the evening, so that I can reflect on the day and the little moments it holds.

Back to school can mean anxiety for many individuals and if that’s your child, I would recommend getting them to focus on a small part of the day (getting ready or travelling to school) and taking the day in bite size pieces. When they return home, without sounding too PollyAnna, whilst they might have concerns to share with you it useful to balance out emotions by reflecting on a few moments that they did enjoy.

May I take this moment to thank the staff at the schools that support our young people and wish all the students the best of 20023-24. Education is a gift for those brave enough to embrace it rather than ‘go because I have to’ and with an open mind (hard for some children I appreciate) often it leads to incredible opportunities.