Month: July 2023

Plant hope and watch it grow

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment
Anon

For those that are regular readers (thank you) you’ll know I am not a massive fan of humanity. Dogs, they’re awesome. Humans, are far from wonderful. I include myself in that, I’m aware the choices I make aren’t always in the interest of the planet, the words I use are not always the kindest…humanity is a gigantic working progress and as a species, our end of year report would say ‘working under expected levels, needs to improve’

Sometimes we can be hurt by others, whether the harm was intentional or not. It can leave us reflecting on why humans are vile, often we don’t deserve the reaction or behaviour put upon us. However, while negative behaviour is never okay, it often has a logic when you take a step back. *taking a step back is difficult.

Often those that need the most love, are the hardest to love. When I’m working with a traumatised five year old, who is hitting, biting and scratching the INA (individual needs assistant), stepping back you can see the child is in crisis and it doing these things because they don’t know how to communicate safely how they feel yet. When I speak to the INA, they often (in the moment of getting hurt themselves) can’t understand why the child hit them. Questions like ‘he was fine this morning when he came in, I don’t know why he kicked me? I’ve the one that got the Lego out like he wanted’ …sometimes it’s not about the INA (who side note, need paying better and in many cases given knighthoods) it’s about the internal world for that little person.

I don’t personally believe in God, but I do believe in energy and many of the universal laws. For ease of sharing, I’m going to use the word God and prayers in this next section to convey my thoughts, feel free to edit the word God for whatever works for you.

If we imagine that each human on the planet is a vessel. Some more full than others, perhaps when one vessel is in need and asks God for help, God takes from another vessel to answer that prayer. Perhaps if you’re a human who has given something in a relationship and got little back, God was sharing your love and compassion to answer the prayer of someone who has little love in them. As they have such little love they can’t give it back in exchange as you can. Maybe, God uses each of us to answer the prayers of others and at the time, although we are ‘helping’ because we don’t realise it’s an act of God we feel hurt when the relationship doesn’t feel equal.

Again, this doesn’t mean it hurts any less when others ‘abuse’ your good will, but somehow knowing that in that moment they need it, knowing that in that moment I couldn’t give that to them – it’s like planting hope. We all exchange energy all of the time, inhaling and exhaling. We all have the choice to evoke boundaries, or perhaps in this case ‘lids’ when we don’t wish to share our the contents of our vessel any further. I love the idea that we can use our lids to let God know when our own vessels are no longer available to others.

This week, love those who need it a little more, try not to take their reactions personally (after all their reaction belongs to them) and perhaps in the next few months humanity’s report card might return with ‘better than expected’. Also, if in doubt put a lid on it and protect your contents.

When somebody told me I live in a fantasy land, I nearly fell off my unicorn

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Quote Anon

Warning: No unicorns or mythical beasts were harmed in the creation of this blog post.

Being an adult is hard. Having responsibilities is hard, making decisions – hard…living in a bubble of denial, easy! If you’re weighed down with the admin of life here are my recommendations for climbing into a bubble of joy and how to do it.

How to get inside the bubble: This is a complicated process but in essence you take yourself off into your 14yr old self, without the body phobia and home work. Generalising hugely here; fourteen is the age where you’re independent enough to go and do cool things but you’re not responsible for how you get there, get back or any ‘life’ choices such as how to pay for things or making sure you’ve eaten. As a 90s child if I picture myself at 14 in my happy place, that’s probably my bedroom sitting on my blow up electric blue chair (bought from The Gadget Shop – if you know you know), watching what I want on my own tv, with my bedroom decorated how I wanted it, every few hours my Mum calls me down for food. Let’s pull this a part… I don’t contribute to the decor a part from opinions (teenagers are great at these) and I didn’t worry about cracks appearing, noises from the boiler that don’t sound ‘normal’, nor did I worry what the food was that I was eating until I arrived at the table. I didn’t have to defrost items for tomorrows dinner, plan ahead…it was easier. Of course being a teenager is extremely complex in every other way but what I’m attempting to highlight is, I didn’t need to look at the bigger picture.

Issues with being in the bubble: Once absorbed in your care free bubble of joy and delight, be cautious – you can become so absorbed in your new world and all the choices you don’t have to make…you can starve. In my house, I buy the food, prepare the food and cook the food. If I don’t buy, prepare and cook – we starve. Fourteen year old me doesn’t worry about these things and there have been evenings where Mr F has said ‘what’s for dinner?’ and I reply ‘chicken surprise’ we all know this translates as ‘I got the chicken out the freezer but since then I’ve been in my bubble and haven’t given it a thought’ I then drag myself reluctantly out of my bubble and realise I’ve forgotten to eat since dinner time the previous evening before.

Balance: Often in this blog we discuss balance. The bubble really comes into is own when you balance the bubble with everyday life. For example, it’s Sunday and Mr F makes me a cuppa in bed. I scroll through insta, meditate, read and sip my tea slowly waking for the day ahead (the bubble), then I get up and defrost some bits for dinner (adulting), then pick or even plan moments to avoid adult life. Any form of escapism works here; reading, podcasts, listening to music with headphones in, walking the dog alone, anything creative with give you bubble bliss BUT at some point I bounce back into adult life and reply to emails, or hoover or complete a list of jobs that won’t do themselves.

In the office I can ‘tippy tap’ (this is what my son refers to as typing) away and respond to correspondence and listen to conversations. If the conversation doesn’t serve me (by this I mean ‘makes me feel good’) then I can slip into my bubble and not participate. If events are out of my control I step into the bubble, if I find myself thinking sentences that begin with ‘But what if’ I step into the bubble and float off.

In the bubble it’s about me and feeling good, whilst not the most productive place to be, it’s far more healthier than worrying for worries. You can ask yourselves questions like ‘If I had a unicorn what would it be called?’

Alan. I would call my unicorn Alan. If you too are now wondering what you would call your unicorn then I warmly welcome you to the bubble.

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together

~ Fridgesays ~ Leave a comment

Vincent Van Gogh

Friday 7th July I went to see the Van Gogh experience. It was made all the more magical not only by the company of a genuine friend who I adore but towards the end of the visit the last few visitors left and we then found ourselves in a private viewing situation. The amount of privilege I felt and the emotion of the experience in itself was overwhelmingly incredible. Truly an experience I’ll remember forever.

Sunflowers

I studied VG as a pupil, perhaps we’ve all painted a sunflower within our education or a starry night? I was aware that he had suffered from a decline in mental health within his life, he had cut off his ear and spent time in asylums, I wasn’t aware of how beautiful he was with words. I also wasn’t aware that he had committed suicide, the exhibition was truly immersive and left me with more questions than answers to relate to my own experience of life.

I realised that what I took away from the exhibition was how valuable relationships are and how a good friendship elevate each other. I do believe that a positive life is made of small sparkles of joy and not a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Within 2023 I have made daily practises non negotiable and I’m now in the sweet spot of seeing the benefits. In the beginning the joy wasn’t necessarily there and the art of doing the behaviour felt like a chore on a to do list. Months of consistency and daily effort has created the melting pot of joy that I now feel and the practises of yoga and meditation are something I look forward to appose to another job.

At school I wasn’t particularly sporty, in fact sport was a chore. Despite not being good at it though I did realise that many of the techniques can be taken off of the court / pitch and brought into life. My netball coach always spoke about pivoting, pausing and then launching the ball towards the net. If we imagine the goal post as the ‘end of the match’ on earth, then making small pivots to our achievements seems like a smart way to to achieve a positive outcome. I truly believe it’s the small pausing in life, the reflective moments and the ‘hindsight’ lesson that allow us to move through the court (or life) with precision, purpose and positivity.

Whether in life you are currently pivoting from one direction to another, whether you are in a moment of pause / reflection, know that it’s the small moments of courage, the small moments of joy, the experiences you did take, the small moments of togetherness that make for a wonderful life. For all Van Gogh’s sad experiences he left us much joy.