I don’t hold grudges, you just become irrelevant 

~ Fridgesays

Quote by…the one and only Anon. 

This post is about how harsh and non emotional I can be. Since as long as I can remember I do not hold the ability to forgive, forget or even realise people that hurt me exist. I can cut emotions ties and literally forget that they ever were part of my world…or so I thought until I wrote this post.

I think it probably began with the girl at Nursery (aged 3) pinched me. I couldn’t be friends with her when she started my secondary school over ten years later. I didn’t forget. 

There was the ex boyfriend who I’ve watched treat every woman he has ever dated awfully. Over the years he has caused serious heart ache to many and perhaps once I held a grudge. Now, he is irrelevant and I pity his lack of ability to love honestly and truly. Time heals but in my case it seems to blur to the point I no longer care. 

Several years a go there was a murder of a young boy called Anthony Walker, the attack was racist and brutal. His mother publically forgave the murderers. It happened before I became a parent, but I knew she was sincere and inspirational. I knew I wouldn’t have the capacity to forgive as she had done. Gee Walker became my inspiration – I aspire to her sincerity and clarity of emotions. 

Forgiveness can release you from anger, illness and heightened negativity. Grudges only cause bitterness in those who hold it – not those it’s aimed at. So why is it so hard to forgive? 

I wish I had ‘the top ten ways’ to release anyone from negative emotions. I don’t. In truth it’s a battle I often come across in my own life. For me neutralising the emotion and making them irrelevant, like the quote suggests does help me to feel free of the negativity, but in truth I guess by making someone ‘irrelevant’ you care enough to put them in a ‘I don’t care’ category, which when I was smaller I distinctly remember being a hot air balloon, it was rammed with sarcastic teacher and kids who I didn’t like and the balloon was always a one way trip. Good bye! 

Whilst thinking about my own lack of forgiveness (seriously I can be harsh) the list of people who have made it to my ‘I don’t care’ list / hot air balloon ride is long and I know why each of them made it to my naughty list, which means I still hold a grudge…

Other inspirations for putting emotions aside is when parents separate and ‘for the sake of the kids’ (or their own sanity) stay on positive terms. Love is complex and broken hearts can be bitter and messy. It doesn’t surprise me that for your children couples often make it work in a platonic way, full credit due when this can be achieved, I know it’s not always an option. 

How do you deal with forgiveness and do you have any tips for others? …because I’m asking for a friend 😉 

18 thoughts on “I don’t hold grudges, you just become irrelevant ”

  1. Sometimes you have to put them to one side. A person who was close has turned out to be a liar on many things. I could forgive, however they deny this and are trying to act like nothing happened. This is very hard because a step has been missed. I feel they need to own or acknowledge that it happened and apologise in order to get to forgiveness. So I have to put them to one side. #TriumphantTales

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    1. I did this with an old friend. She did me wrong and I chose to let her go. I guess ‘letting go’ rather than forgiving is part of the journey also. Thanks for an insightful comment lovely x

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  2. This is tricky – I think it’s very healthy that you can ‘let go’ of negative emotions connected with people who have ‘wronged’ you but I take your point that this may not always be an ideal reaction. Forgiveness certainly isn’t easy and doing it sincerely is damn difficult – maybe just a acknowledging this is a good starting point to get to f towards it…..

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  3. Oh my – this is absolutely me. I can quite literally switch off the existence button even when someone is in the same room as me. The hubby and I can be having a row and I can literally zone him out and he is no longer on the planet. It drives him insane but to me it’s a self defence mechanism. The problem is, I too never forget. I can “surface forgive” for so long but I never let go of what’s actually been said. It’s such a challenge and I know I need to work on it. x

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  4. I have literally just got to the point where I am just getting on with my life and sod those who try to make me unhappy. I held on to so much anger with certain people and it wasn’t making me feel any better. So now I am living my life, I am happy, I have a lovely little family so why waste energy on those who do not deserve it. Being happy and moving on is the best revenge/better feeling you can get.
    #TriumphantTales

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    1. Yes!!! Love this attitude, except I still like to wallow in moment of ‘they wronged me’ – I wish I could completely let go, although I guess holding on slightly means I won’t make the same mistake twice

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  6. Sometimes it’s better to forgive and then cut someone out of your life. I put them in the “irrelevant” category when they continue to lie, hurt, whatever… I just can’t be around that negativity. It doesn’t mean I haven’t forgiven them. I just refuse to keep people like that in my life. Things become so much better when you cut out the drama.

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  8. My dad died last month and i’ve realised that there is a lot of stuff i’ve just let go of, because i’ll never get answers now to a lot of stuff, as i’ve got older i’ve cared less about other people’s dramas and issues and i don’t have time for petty squabbles and have cut an awful lot of people out of my life that i consider to be takers. I’ve been really surprised by the lack of care from so called friends the past few weeks and others have really stepped up a gear #triumphanttales

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  9. I thought I was pretty good at the whole forgive and forget thing until someone who will rename nameless did something pretty crappy last year, I have forgiven them but just can not forget about it no mater how much I try. I could do with that hot air balloon of yours really as although I don’t want to hold a grudge I can’t help but think about it sometimes. Really interesting post xx #BlogCrush

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  10. It’s hard isn’t it. I still to this day don’t forgive the ppl at the hospital for what they did to me. It still makes me so angry. I know deep down if I just let it go it would make my life easier. I had a very close friend who I no longer talk To. She said to me the day I came out of hospital, oh well you made it look on the bright side and I don’t know what you have to be depressed about u have a baby and a husband. The fact you nearly died is irrelevant now. I wish it was and that easy to forget. I think some people are better off staying away. I think as we get older and become more independent it’s harder to forgive if that makes sense. It took three years before we started talking again and deep down I still hate her for saying that. But I forgave her for the sake of getting on. 💚 #thesatsesh x
    ps read your previous post and giggled about the round Abbott x

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    1. Hmmm… I had a friend who let me down after my daughter died. I didn’t forgive her, she became irrelevant and despite the trauma I thank my daughter for showing me who was worthy of my love – life’s a battle, grudges absorb too much energy

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